My story begins when I was a baby. I was abused as an infant. (My memories
came back after my kids where born, they say you remember your memories when your kids are at the ages. you were when you were abused. )
Growing up, was difficult for me. My mother
is my abuser. We were disciplined with belts, knuckle sandwiches, head bashing, eating soap, I was dragged down our kitchen stairs with my hair long
hair, up and down, if I didn't cry she would stop and if I kept crying she
would keep going until I didn't cry. I was called a stupid, dumb person, I would
never amount to nothing, I was beaten with my Dads belt on my back side,
You know the saying I will beat you until you can't sit down. I got that beating.
My backside was the darkest shades of black and purple I have ever seen. When
I talk about it I still feel that spanking. My face was slapped daily, because
I had a stuttering problem. My mom said it was because I wanted attention.
SO, she felt that my face slapping would be enough attention. I was not allowed
to get a drink of water at night time before going to bed, I drank out of the dog
water bowl and the toilet because I was so thirsty. I would spend many summers in the corner because I was a bad girl. My mom locked us out of the
house during the day time and I wasn't able to use the bathroom so I had to go
outside. The really worst thing she did to me, was she had told me that I was
going to be adopted. I was going to move in with another family who had 10 kids
and I would be the 11 child. She packed my clothes and I was out the door, in
the car and then she said that I wasn't going, because I wasn't good enough
for them, I didn't deserve to leave.
My abuse stopped only 5 yrs ago. I am 35 now. I am a stronger person,
who still struggles at times. My mom said that if I didn't like how I was
brought up that I could go to hell. I have not been able to confront her with
it. I have a lot of mental problems, I suffer with depression, and I had a nervous breakdown, I am on medications for that to. I am doing a lot better then
what I was doing 5yrs ago. I have done several years of concealing, and I
am currently returning to counseling to get some extra added support.
I also help other women in abused relationships. I volunteer at the hospital that I work at called womankind. It helps people get resources for there
needs. I have been volunteering for 5yrs.
I have won an award for my work.
I pray that people can get educated enough that the abuse will stop. I did
break the cycle in my family. My kids are healthy and happy and popular
all the things that I wanted to be when growing up. I never felt loved like my
kids are loved. My mom and I have put our differences aside. The adult side
of me has forgiven her for the trauma she has caused me. But, the little kid in
me still see's her as a monster and will not beable to forgive her. Know matter
what I do that little kid hasn't been able to feel safe inside yet. In due time
though.
This is my story. I feel ashamed, for saying it. But, I want you to
have it so maybe it will help someone else out. If I can be of an assistance to
anything just let me know OK?
Thanks,
Cubfozzy ;)