Telling Children About Divorce
What to tell your kids about divorce. Dr. Nancy Snyderman ParentTime My husband and I are divorcing, and we are wondering what to say to our five-year-old son. We have never fought, and are continuing to live in the same house until the end of this month. When should we tell him, and what should we tell him? Anytime parents with children divorce — it’s a tough situation. Whatever the age of the child, the best thing to do is to tell the truth. You should emphasize over and over and over again that this has nothing to do with your five-year-old son. Before you and your husband separate, you should sit down as a family and explain that Mommy and Daddy are going to be living apart. Emphasize how much you both love him and that this way he gets two houses and will get to sleep overnight with each of you. Be prepared to discuss this numerous times throughout this difficult period. Be aware that no matter what you tell your son initially, he may still come to believe that he did something wrong and that he’s the reason you and your husband are splitting. This is absolutely normal but must be dealt with. You both should constantly reinforce the fact that he is not the issue. I would suggest that you ask your pediatrician for the name of a good child psychologist. Many times children need an impartial third person to help them work through their feelings. Too often, parents think children will just “get it” after one conversation, but a child’s feelings about a divorce or separation may actually need to be dealt with for months or even years down the line. As you and your husband decide how to parent as separate entities, remember that you must be very careful to make your son feel loved and wanted at all times. Any differences that you may have must be kept between you. When your son ponders over whether he was the reason for your divorce, you must constantly reassure him that you both love him and the divorce has nothing to do with him. Your decision to divorce was an adult decision, based on issues affecting you and your husband at this stage in your lives. I know that this is a very tough time for you and I wish you the very best. BACK
What to tell your kids about divorce.
Dr. Nancy Snyderman
ParentTime
My husband and I are divorcing, and we are wondering what to say to our five-year-old son. We have never fought, and are continuing to live in the same house until the end of this month. When should we tell him, and what should we tell him?
Anytime parents with children divorce — it’s a tough situation. Whatever the age of the child, the best thing to do is to tell the truth. You should emphasize over and over and over again that this has nothing to do with your five-year-old son.
Before you and your husband separate, you should sit down as a family and explain that Mommy and Daddy are going to be living apart. Emphasize how much you both love him and that this way he gets two houses and will get to sleep overnight with each of you. Be prepared to discuss this numerous times throughout this difficult period.
Be aware that no matter what you tell your son initially, he may still come to believe that he did something wrong and that he’s the reason you and your husband are splitting. This is absolutely normal but must be dealt with. You both should constantly reinforce the fact that he is not the issue.
I would suggest that you ask your pediatrician for the name of a good child psychologist. Many times children need an impartial third person to help them work through their feelings. Too often, parents think children will just “get it” after one conversation, but a child’s feelings about a divorce or separation may actually need to be dealt with for months or even years down the line.
As you and your husband decide how to parent as separate entities, remember that you must be very careful to make your son feel loved and wanted at all times. Any differences that you may have must be kept between you. When your son ponders over whether he was the reason for your divorce, you must constantly reassure him that you both love him and the divorce has nothing to do with him. Your decision to divorce was an adult decision, based on issues affecting you and your husband at this stage in your lives.
I know that this is a very tough time for you and I wish you the very best.
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