Ribbons of Hope Candlelight Vigil May 1999 Through the eyes of BaddTeddy There has been alot of good news, since I started this, please read the last part for the updates... And I love you all.. BaddTeddy
"THE CANDLE LIGHT VIGIL FOR MISSING CHILDREN"
(I am asking that all everyone please share this letter with their mailing lists)
Note: Any of you that read this that want to help the parents that attended the conference, will be given a chance to do so at the end of this letter. We are also inviting you to next years vigil for missing children and the first world wide meeting of people from the net on "How to Change the World". These events will be held back to back in May 2000 so you can fly in for just a weekend and attend both events.
Note: I have told this from beginning to end, exactly as I remember it. Rather than simply tell you the highlights, I felt after you worked so hard for the children you deserved to hear the entire story, not just the highlights or the sad parts, but everything. And while this is a sad event, I also wanted you to experience the joy that many of parents felt this year, a joy because... they are starting to feel hope... because people around the world, like you, are showing they care... So this letter like the parents hearts may hold many tears, but it also holds much laughter, and hope... If you read the whole letter I think you will understand...
Good Morning....
I have missed you all, more than you could ever know.
Before starting, I want you to know I wrote this the way I did, because I want you to not only learn the facts about these good people, I want you to learn to love them, to care about them, to cry with them and to laugh with them. My hope, is that by the end of this letter, none of you will ever be able to forget these wonderful people, and that they will become part of your family as they have become part of mine.
I returned from Washington a few days ago. And I apologize greatly to all of you, but a period of physical and emotional weakness overcame me, as I have heard happened to many of the parents and others that attended. It's like we had been in a war. In this case an emotional war, and although we won some major victories and feel good, for several days afterwards our bodies and minds refused to do anything but rest, after this first of many battles.
I have tried and tried for six days to figure out how to explain what all of us in Washington saw, felt and experienced. Suzywoo2 probably said it best in her letter earlier when she said something along the lines of "Mere words can never describe an event that changes your life forever."
Thousands of people have written saying please tell me what happened in Washington... I can't find the words. I have sat here for days, and the words won't come. It's a powerful story than someone like me can ever hope to adequately tell. But still even though words fail me, that I can find no magically way to express the feelings I need to try. I have thought of a hundred different perspectives, but none felt adequate. So I guess the best approach since I am a story writer is simply to write the events in the order that they happened, so that you can see them as I saw them. So that perhaps you will come away feeling as though you will feel. Like this is an event that changed the way you see the world, and makes you want to change it. And most of all, to become a warrior in the battle to protect the children.
Please forgive the personal perspective in what I write below. Each person that attended the vigil saw it through different eyes and a different perspective. I simply found the only way to explain it was as I saw through my own eyes.
What you are about to read may be painful at times, and if you read through this and become involved, I think you may also become stronger person with the self respect that comes along with standing up for something you believe in.
I also want to tell you that there is a lot of happiness. Maureen Dabbagh and her organization have helped in the safe recovery of more than 30 children this year. (I met some of these children in Washington). And their actions in America's court rooms have prevented many more.
Some of you may be surprised that along with the tears, there was also smiling and laughter at the conference. Many of us tend to celebratize the parents, but these people are just like you and me, ordinary people, they don't just cry or try to be strong, they also love, care about others, and love and occasionally find a reason to laugh, and I think it is important to feel "everything the parents did", not just the sad parts. So as you become closer to these good people you will be sad, you will be happy, you may even laugh once or twice and you will also become stronger. And to keep this as accurate as possible, not some story book version, I will include the times that the parents laughed, as well as the times they cried, and soon you will understand why I love each and every one of these people.
A YEAR AGO
A year ago, I went to Washington, to support the parents. I expected reporters, I expected the media, I expected huge crowds of people coming out to support the parents of missing children. That was what any American would have expected. What I found was reality. The American Government and the American Media control what you and I see and hear. If they decide they don't want to help, then none of you will ever know of the tragedy befalling America's children and the children of the world. Last year I found out that our media and our government did not care. And that no one was telling the people. Last year, I returned home in tears.
MY PROMISE
Last year when I stood in front of the White House, parents in tears around me, police cars around them with others driving up and down the streets with sirens roaring to drown out the parents cries for help, I made a promise. I promised myself that I would do everything possible to tell the people of the world about these children, and that next year I would be back.
THIS YEAR
This year, I returned to Washington, and I came home feeling something I did not feel the year before. This year I came home feeling hope. Because of all of you, and the efforts of the parents themselves, I now believe that things are starting to change, and that as a result many children will be coming home, safe and sound.
FLIGHT TO WASHINGTON
I flew into Reagan National Airport on Saturday. During the flight, so many things raced through my mind. Thoughts for the children. Thoughts of seeing friends that I had made at last years vigil. Thoughts of how the leaders of this group had helped so many children come home, and yet their own were still prisoners in a foreign land. Thoughts of many of you that had wanted to come to Washington, one such being Lobosgirl who had every single day for a year written to the parents or myself and asked, "How can I help today", and how she wanted to come to Washington, but her own battle with the wheel chair had prevented it (I believe she will be there next year, chair or not). I had thoughts of all of you and what you are doing to help the children. Of the millions of emails that you had sent the government. Of how many of you were at malls that day. How many of you were out gathering candles, ribbons, writing newsletters, making banners and building websites to support the children. This year, before the plane even touched down I already knew the parents had more support than they had ever had before in US history.
ARRIVAL AT THE CONFERENCE
As I opened the doors to the conference room, a part of me felt as though I should be nervous. That I was going to be speaking in front of a lot of people in an hour. That I was going to be meeting people that I only knew by screen names from the Internet. That I was entering a world where I had no place being. Instead, I felt a smile on my face. I knew I was coming home and this was my family.
For those of you that have never been to a conference, of something like this you would expect mainly sadness and tears. And there is a lot of that. And that is why alot of people are afraid to attend. But what you may not know or understand that it is also a place of great love. When you stand side by side to fight for something a bond occurs between people. There is nothing that can come between you. You are a family.
And so I entered the conference room, and within seconds found myself being hugged to within an inch of my life by Pat Roush. Pat is an amazing woman. Her daughters Alia and Aisha were kidnapped to Saudi Arabia 14 years ago. She started fighting for the children when there was no one else. Almost every effort to help children that have been kidnapped across national borders in the US originated with this one lady. She has changed many laws. She goes face to face with government officials and has stood up for the children when the rest of us would have fallen down. She is a strong woman, and yet while you can see all of this, when you look into her eyes, all you can see is love. If I could only choose two words to describe Pat Roush, they would be "Love" and "Determination".
Next, I was approached by a lady I had never seen before, but one look into her eyes I knew who she was. Marta, or Coquiprfld as she is known on AOL. One glance into Marta's eyes and you know this is a good and caring person, who truly enjoys helping others. Or as a child would see her, everybody's favorite aunt. Marta is a member of the Knights of Kindness, and flew to Washington to support the parents. Earlier in the month Marta had also gone out to her local malls to hand out buttons and flyers for the children. She made a thousand of these buttons, and brought 500 of them with her to the hotel. Soon Marta had every person at the conference wearing a button that said "Ribbons of Hope Campaign" with Yellow, Blue and Pink Ribbons on it.
During all of this, we had been very hushed. There was a speaker on stage, camera's were rolling, people were dressed nicely and it had appeared to me to be a very formal affair.
About that time, the speaker had finished and I hear from the front of the room.... "Hey... BaddTeddy's here..." The person hollering from the front of the room was none other that Maureen Dabbagh, who I would best describe as a mother bear. When in the presence of children, she is the very definition of the word mother. But if anyone attempts to harm a child, whether her or not, they have made a serious mistake. Because Maureen cares so much, you know she would gladly give her life fighting to protect not just her own child, but any child. Maureen is my hero.
Well, when Maureen yells, heads turn, and they all turned to see what Maureen was yelling at. Which would be me. All I can say is my face turned bright red and a mumbled a quick hello to all the people who had looked to see what Maureen in her typically Maureen way had refereed to as a BaddTeddy. At that point I pretty much gave up any real attempt to explain to people that my name is Steve Nunnally, and not BaddTeddy. After the chuckles settled down I went off in search of friends and a nice quite corner to hide in.
That's when I met SuzyWoo2, an online editor and member of our online community, and her husband Ric who is also a gentleman and has a newsletter of his own online. There is only one way to describe Suzywoo2. And that would be "Love and Self Sacrifice". You know instantly that this woman never asks for anything for herself. That she only ever be truly happy if she is helping others. This was evident from the fact that Suzywoo2 spends much of her time in a wheel chair, that her health was at risk in traveling, that there was every reason that she should have stayed home. And yet she was here, with a hug for every parent. Maureen tried to describe Suzywoo2 to me the other day, and the only words she could find were, I just love that girl. Suzy on top of everything else had made hundreds of beautiful Ribbons of Hope that later made the parents look like one big Rainbow in front of the White House. To see this kind lady later sitting in a wheel chair in front of the White House, holding up a candle for the missing children, was an image I will never forget.
Next, I met Ric, Thndrblt21, Founder of United Editors, and his fiancee, Kimmie, both members of the online community. Ric and Kimmie have long been supporters of the children. Ric having suffered through something similar with two of his own children can best be someone who is both "sympathetic and determined to help". Ric wrote a letter about the trip earlier this week. I had to write back to Ric and say... It's like someone else was guiding your fingers on the keys. It was by far the most moving thing I have ever seen come from Ric. For a rather gruff guy, tough guy like Ric to write something like this, I guess you could call it "Poetic Majesty". Ric wrote about the trip to Washington much as I have here. And in it he wrote four words that explain it all. Ric said "it changed my life".
Seconds later I found myself being hugged by Violaine Delahais (VDELAHAIS), whose child has been abducted to Lebanon. Violaine could best be described as a very young mother of the family, with the strength of a young Viking Queen. Simply, no matter who needs help with what, she is always there. I had met Violaine at last year conference, and have seen her become active in helping parents and children not only in the US, but around the world. She has become a big part of making connections between PARENT and other missing childrens organizations around the world.
Next, I met Dee Thomas DTh1072741, someone who could best be described as the "kindly grandmother of our little family". I say grandmother, because she is always there for everyone. She is too young to be called grandmother, it is simply her love for everyone that brings the image of a grandmother to mind. This was my first time meeting Dee, although during the last year she has probably been one of the most active people from the Knights and the online community helping the chidden. She calls her Senators and tell they practically beg her stop. She got a senator to agree to Nadia's resolution all by herself. She went to Washington earlier this year to support Pat, Maureen and others at a press conference on missing kids.
Soon, I was meeting people so fast my head was spinning. Both parents, and people who had come to support them. It wasn't like meeting strangers, it was as though we were family. There were no formal handshakes. It was all deep heart felt hugs. And my apologies many people who are left out in this letter, I was not sure if they would want the publicity or not.
Just before we broke for lunch I had the pleasure of meeting one of the newer member of the Knights, Patty, PKBrave. She had come to Washington simply to support the parents. The strongest image of Patty I have of her standing with the White House holding a mother whose eyes were full of tears, and simply being there when someone needed her.
LUNCH
I told you at the beginning of this that I wanted to portray things exactly as I saw them. And I have to say again, others may have seen things differently, form different perspectives, but the only way for me to tell this is simply to tell it as it occurred from what I saw, what I experienced. And so, next we went to lunch.
On the way to lunch I was once again hugged by a stranger. It seems everyone was hugging everyone. This kind lady knew me but I was at a loss. At least until I heard her speak. I knew her voice. Jody Roth, was a second in charge of a major organization online, but had quit that organization, to become more active in actually helping the children. She wanted to be more directly involved. Jody Roth, who recently started NetSafe an organization to protect children online. All I had done was suggest to Jody that her presence at the Parent Conference would be a wonderful show of support and she dropped everything and changed her plans. Not only did Jody come to Washington, but she brought two of the people that are working with her at NetSafe. They flew in from Canada to show their support for the kids.
Quite simply, I was beginning realize how very different this year conference was from the on a year before. Last year the parents came virtually alone. This year, good people from across the US, and even a few other countries were coming to support the parents and children. People who cared.
Next I had lunch with several people at a little cafe across the street. I was invited to sit with Gloria Nyberg from a missing childrens agency called ChildWatch. Sitting with us was a lady I just had to hug, Nancy Clickman (OURPUTER) is not only a member of the Knights of Kindness, she is also a member of ChildWatch. These two ladies have been working on many of the same child abduction cases that all of you have been reading about. In particular they are leading the search for Marc CopeLand who was kidnapped to the US from his mother who lives in France. These good ladies really care. We sat down together and discussed strategies to make it easier for people to create flyers for missing children. Within a few months, with their help, we will have created a list of companies that will make free banners for missing children and also businesses that will allow us to hand out flyers at their store fronts.
I made a truly great impression on everyone when I turned to greet someone and spilled a 32 oz soft drink, across the table and spent ten minutes trying to clean it up. In addition to the teasing about my name, BaddTeddy, now I was getting teased about my other name. Slob Boy.
Now you are probably asking why even mention lunch... It's because of what happened next. A man I had never met before, came up and in a very polite manner asked if I was the man from the Internet. The one who was scheduled to speak after lunch. I said yes... He introduced himself, I hope he will forgive me for forgetting whether his name was John Trout or Joe Howard, and then he said something that almost floored me. He told me that one of the primary reasons he had come to Washington was to hear the speech on how the people of the Internet were helping missing children. And he simply wanted to thank me, and shake my hand.
I heard this from several parents before and after I spoke. That they felt that what all of you are doing on the Internet might be part of the solution to bringing their children home.
It was at that very moment that I realized what a difference all of you are making in the lives of not just one or two parents, but hundreds of them. They are starting to look at our grassroots efforts as a major hope for the future. And it was that moment, sitting in a little diner, talking to a stranger, in Washington D.C., that the full impact of what we are doing hit me. There are people out there, none of us have ever met, or even heard of, that feel that if all other efforts fail, we might be the only chance they will ever have of seeing their children again.
AFTER LUNCH
We returned to the conference room. There was more and more hugging going on. You could feel these people drawing closer and closer together with every hour that went by. And I myself was surprised that amongst so much sadness and pain there could also be so many smiling faces.
I was up to speak, and a very kind gentleman introduced himself to me, as Larry White. Larry was operating as the master of ceremonies. He was doing his very best to do a professional job of introducing speakers and keeping things running smoothly. So he very politely asked me, "I need to know a little information about you so I can properly introduce you." I honestly could not think of a thing to say. I just don't feel right asking someone to plug me with kind words or hype, as is common practice around the world. By then I had also given up on my real name, when I had tried to introduce myself to several parents as Steven Nunnally, they said "who", and then I would say "BaddTeddy" and then they suddenly knew who I was, from emails that had been forwarded to them. So I turned to this kind and formal gentleman, and simply said just introduce me as BaddTeddy. I felt bad for Larry, he is doing such a good job professionally introducing people and then he has to go on stage and introduce "BaddTeddy".
I felt really bad for Larry. But I honestly could not think of a single thing for him to say. So, I asked him about his child. There was a look of such deep love and sorry in Larry's eyes as he told me how his little girl Nina had been kidnapped to Russia, that you could only think of Larry with a few simple words; "Larry is a good father that loves his daughter".
AWARD
About this time Maureen begins speaking in the front of the room. She called me to the stage, and presented the "1999 Parent Choice Award". I was completely floored when this award when I was asked to come to accept the award on behalf of the Knights of Kindness, and all of the people of the Internet. I can't remember her exact words, but she told us that the award was for giving hope to parents and children that someday they would be reunited. Once again, it came closer to home, many of these good people were doing everything possible to bring their children home, and that many of them felt we might be that one extra chance that could help them bring their children home. The feeling of not only love for, but responsibility to these people continued to grow in my heart. And as I looked around the room, I could see that same feeling in the eyes of Suzy Woo, Ric, Marta, Dee, Patty and others from the net. None of us had truly considered how deeply the effort of the people of the net was affecting not only the people we knew, but also many that we didn't.
My words of acceptance were simply that we do this because we care, and this award belongs to all of the people and organizations on the Internet (which I named) and returned to my seat, passing the award around to the people from the net who I felt had done so much more than I to earn it.
Just as the responsibility and seriousness of everything we are trying to do starts to hit me, as I start to become somber and quite, I look at Suzy and see little tears in her eyes, tears that are mixture of sadness and joy. Later that night, sitting in her wheel chair, with "Ribbons of Hope" buttons on her shirt, ribbons too, a candle in her hand Suzy pulled me close and said... "I want to thank you for getting me involved. I wasn't strong enough to live for myself, but because I became involved in helping, I had a reason to live. Helping the children changed my life and it is the reason I live for".
At that point Larry walks out, kind of embarrassed and simply says "BaddTeddy" and returns to his seat. Maybe he said more, but if he did it went right over my head. Because I was thinking about what I had seen in Suzy's eyes.
As I walk towards the podium, so many things are flashing thru my mind, responsibility, pain, the names of all the people, trying to put together my speech and much more. Lets just say it was hard to keep my thoughts straight. And what made it scariest was that there were all these good and caring people looking at me, all dressed nicely and sitting there professionally with serious looks on there faces, a couple of TV camera's from documentary crews going, and of course everyone there is on the net and can tell thousands of people if I blew it during my speech.
So here I walk towards the podium, hopefully calm on the outside, jelly on the inside, trying so hard to think of just the right words to say. Trying to be professional. Trying to make a difference in all of these people lives.
CRAIG SINGS THE BLUES
And suddenly the room is filled with loud music. And Craig Deanto (a better man there never was) proudly announces that he has written a song called "BaddTeddy Blues". And of course he decides to play it, through very large speakers, for the very first time as I am standing up there at the podium trying to be serious (Now I understand how poor Larry felt). I love the song, we all did, I love Craig as a friend, I think everyone there did, but at that moment I wanted to die. And it was Craig's fault. For five minutes, I stood in front of a room full of people, trying to remember my speech. While on a tape, Craig sang about BaddTeddy, The Knights of Kindness, The Online Organizations, The People of the Net, and how each and every one of you that is reading this has changed the world by trying to help the children. When the song finished after five long minutes, I had completely forgotten everything I had arrived to say.
At this point, I want to again remind you, the parents we are trying to help are people too. They cry because the miss their children, as I looked around that room I knew that any person there would gladly give their life to save a child (any child), that they were there for a very serious reason, but they had also come for something else. They needed comfort and caring and to offer the same to others. And part of caring and comforting others is giving them a reason to smile now and then. The humor that took place, such as Craig's Song, was peoples way of saying I care about all of you, and want to help you feel better even if it is only for a little while. And I noticed even Larry who had been so serious minutes before was now laughing at my predicament.
The people there cried hard. Deep heart racking sobs. But when they laughed, they laughed very hard. Deep heart felt laughs that can sometimes release even more of their pain than the tears can. And with that in mind, I completely forgive Craig. Because while I stood up there for five minutes looking for any excuse I could think of to go sit down, the parents all laughed. Deep heart felt laughter. And I realized what Craig had done, helped some of them get through a day that might otherwise have only been filled with pain.
And by now I hope you have realized why I too, have included humor in what I am writing today, because as you and the people who were there read this, you may feel real pain in your heart and tears in your eyes, and I realize that you also will need to release those tears both with sadness and with laughter. That if you are going to be able to help these good people, then you will need to become part of their family. And in any family there are both tears and joys.
BADDTEDDY SPEAKS
I am now standing in front of a room full of people, camera's and friends. I am here as a representative for all of the people and organizations that had worked so hard to help the children all year long and I can't think of a single thing to say. So I look up at everyone and announced that I had completely forgotten everything I planned to say (Thanks to Craig).
So I took, a moment to look around the room. The first thing I was happy to see as I gazed around the room was that several of the parents that I had met and held in my arms at last years Candle Light Vigil were not there. That during the course of the year, through efforts of their own, and assistance from Maureen Dabbagh and the other parents that these children had been returned safely home. I wish I could tell you all about it, but sometimes for a child's safety it is better not to mention it. Just know, that some of the children that were missing last year, have been returned home safe and sound. And that the parents I mention here are still hoping to be the next to get good news.
What struck me even more was that last year, I saw people full of sadness. Yes, we had this year too, but there was a difference. This year, between tears you could see smiles. An almost hopeful look. You could feel a difference. And as I stood up there searching for words, I realized that perhaps the best place to start was simply by acknowledging what I was seeing.
So, I looked around the room and said that I can feel such a difference this year. That there is something that I had not seen last year. There are smiles on many of the faces. That while there are tears, there is also a look of hope on many of the faces present. That the whole attitude of the group had changed during the year. That instead of the sadness and depression we all felt last year when the government, the media turned their backs on us, and that the people had never even been told we exist that there was a feeling of momentum, that things were finally moving forward that there was hope.
And I told them I could not only see it, I could hear it in their voices. Mixed in between al the sadness, I heard words of hope.
I then addressed the differences between last year and this year.
I said that last year, there was not a single member of the media at the Candle Light Vigil. Yet at the conference already they had been visited by EXTRA (the TV news show), Tim Maier of Insight Magazine (that goes world wide), Alan Detrich (who proved himself to be a true hero at the candle light vigil) of MSNBC (Nadia's Story) and the Block News Alliance, a film crew from ABC or CBS, plus several documentary films crews, Readers Digest and others. Last year not one media representative, this year quite a few. A major difference.
I said that last year there was not a single government official listening. But this year, the parents and the people of the Internet had worked together to pass the International Freedom from Religious Persecution Bill which might save many of the children from abuse or much worse. And has the potential to bring many of the children home. That working together with people all over the world we had gotten the first Senate Resolution in History asking another country to return a child to the US. (SR-293 For Nadia Dabbagh). And how that resolution had been a stepping stone to what was going on while we spoke in Washington. That sometime during that week, Senators Robb and Warner of Virginia were going to ask the US Senate to pass a resolution making May "National Missing Childrens Awareness Month" with an added request that the President call upon the people to make a special effort to help the children during May.
All I can say... Is that at this point there was a lot of applause, which belongs to all of you, and the parents who fought so hard all year? But there was something else, tears... Not tears of sadness. Tears of joy... Tears of Hope... Tears that felt good...
Then I talked of what I saw as the biggest difference of all. That last year, the people of America, of the whole world, had simply never heard of what was happening to these children. That the media and the government had thru their inaction, basically hidden this tragedy from the people. I talked of last year how I felt so sad when I had been standing in front of the White House and there had not been a single American citizen that had come out to stand with and support the parents. How the parents had felt abandoned not only by the government and the media, but the very citizens of their country.
PLEASE GO TO CANDLE LIGHT VIGIL
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