~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to her friend,
"I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other blonde.
She looks in the mirror and says,
"Of course, you silly! It's me!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

If a blondey and a brownie jump off a building
who hits the ground first?
The brownie of course.
The blondey stops and askes for directions!
**hehehehe** thax blonde sweetmouse!

~~~~~~~~~~

SHE WAS SO BLONDE...

...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice
box because it said "concentrate".

...she put lipstick on her forehead because
she wanted to make up her mind.

...she told me to meet her at the corner of
"WALK" and "DONT WALK".

...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...she tried to drown a fish.

...she thought a quarterback was a refund.

...she got locked in a grocery store
and starved to death.

...if you gave her a penny for intelligence,
you'd get change back.

...she tripped over a cordless phone.

...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

...at the bottom of the application where it says
"sign here".. she put "Sagittarius".

...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.

...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

...she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

...she sold the car for gas money.

...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted),
she went home and got 16 friends.

...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around
the home, she moved.

...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

...when she missed the 44 bus,
she took the 22 bus twice instead.

...she thought her typewriter was pregnant
because it missed a period.

...she thought that "no kidding" meant some
form of birth control.

...she thought that "moby dick" was a veneral disease.

...she studied 5 days for a urine test.

...she thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.

...she was in the indy 500 and had 7 pit stops,
1 for gas and 6 for directions.

...put 75 holes in her face?...
she was learning to eat with a fork.

...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

~~~~~~~~~~

What do you get when you put 25 blondes in the freezer????
"Frosted Flakes"

A blonde with two red ears went to the doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears
and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang
- but instead of picking up the phone
I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"He called back."

**hehehehe** thax blonde Beamer!

~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes walk into a bar...and...uh...I forget!
**hehehehe** thax blonde Katie!

~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money,
she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid,
took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and
leave it under the pecan tree next to the slide
on the North side of the playground." Signed - A Blonde"
The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt
and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the Blonde checked and sure enough,
a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000
along with a note that said
"How could you do this to another Blonde?

~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde woman walks into a store.
Curious about a shiny object, she asks "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her friend, also a blonde, asks,
"What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde goes to the drug store to buy
her husband some toiletries.
A clerk comes up to help her and
asks if she needs assistance.
"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon,
but I don't know what type he uses."
The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"
"No," says the blonde, it's for his underarms."
**hehehehe** thax blonde becky

~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes were working on a house.
The one who was nailing down siding
would reach into his nail pouch,
pull out a nail and either
toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first blonde explained,
"If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me,
I throw it away 'cause it's defective.
If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled,
"You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective!
They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

There's 3 blondes walking down the beach,
they find a bottle and decide to rub it and a genie pops out.
he says, since there are 3 of you
I will grant each of you one wish.
The first blonde says she wants to be smarter thana blonde
...poof! she's a red head.
The second blonde says she wants to be smarter than a red head
...poof! she's a brunette.
the third blonde thinks about it
and decides that she wants to be dumber than a blonde
...POOF!!! She's a man...

~~~~~~~~~~

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.."
Blonde: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Blonde: "How do I know when it's ready?"

~~~~~~~~~~

The blonde was in court charged with parking
her car in a restricted area.
The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
"They shouldn't put up such misleading notices",
said the blonde.
"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

~~~~~~~~~~

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them!
**hehehehe** thax RudeKat!

~~~~~~~~~~

The Blonde & the Coke Machine.
There was a beautiful young blonde
who was going to a soda machine
and she arrived there just before a business man
coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents,
studied the machine a little,
pushed a Diet Coke selection,
and out came a Diet Coke which she
placed on a counter by the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again
and pulled out a dollar and
inserted it in the machine.
Studying the machine carefully,
she pushed the button for Coke Classic
and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and
put it in the machine,
studied it for a moment and
pushed the Mountain Dew button.
Out came a Mountain Dew.
As she was reaching into her purse again,
the business man who had been waiting patiently
for several minutes now spoke up.
"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly replied:
"Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning."
~~~~~~~~~~

Legend has it that there is a barin Hollywood where,
in the Ladies' Room, there is a very special mirror.
If one stands in front of the mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish.
However, if one tells a lie,
*POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror,
never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room
and stands before the mirror and says,
"I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
*POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror
and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive!
*POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in
and stands before the mirror and says,
"I think..." *POOF*
~~~~~~~~~~

How do ya know a blond is having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear
and can't find her pencil. *L*
**hehehehe** thanks blonde CoUrTnEy
~~~~~~~~~~

Why can't a blonde work in an m & m factory?
because she would throw all the w & w's away.
**hehehehe** thanks blonde rhonnie
~~~~~~~~~~

"A Blonde And The Alligator Shoes"
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way,
but was very reluctant to pay the high prices
the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,
"Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator
so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps,
set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day,
the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots
the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand.
Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming
quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature
and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.
Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement.
Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back,
and frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
**hehehe** thanks RudeKat
~~~~~~~~~~

"Doc," said the dumb blonde,
"that medicine you gave me was marked 'For Adults Only,' right?"
"That's right."
"But I ain't got the Adults; you said I've got the flu."
~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee annd
sits down to drinking it.
Shelooks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize.
She pull off the tab and yells,
"I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home;
I WON a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and says,
"That's impossible.
The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"
The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home!"
By this time the manager makes his way over to the table
and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor homes
because we didn't have that as a prize!"
Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home!"
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads,
"WIN A BAGEL."
~~~~~~~~~~

Blondes and UFOs
Q: What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Why do blondes keep empty beer bottles in their fridges?
A. They're for people who don't drink.
~~~~~~~~~~

What did the blonde say when she looked in the box of Cherios?
"Oh look! Little donut seeds!"
Thanks blonde Denise**L**
~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the blonde jump off the building?
She thought her maxi pad had wings!
Thanks blonde Christa**L**
~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a stream.
One blonde, looking puzzled, shouts across to the other one,
"How do I get to the other side?"
The second one looks at her with astonishment on her face
and says "You ARE on the other side!"
Thanks blonde Josie**L**
~~~~~~~~~~

Josh was helping Sally, a blonde,
clean out the trunk of her car.

Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit".
Looking at it a little closer,
he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange,
he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat
and need to blow up one of my tire."
~~~~~~~~~~

Da Blondes were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos.
They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.

So they pressured the administration
to set up a new Department especially for them.
The university agreed, and set up the
Blonde Education Department.

The Blondes were ecstatic to have a
department of their own where
they could gather without being ridiculed.
They felt they really belonged now.

They wanted other students to see that
they weren't just stupid bimbos --
after all, they now had their own department
at the university.

So they now all proudly wear
the official sweatshirt of the
Blonde Education Department which sports the saying:
"I Belong in B.E.D."
**hehehehe** thax blonde LIanone!
~~~~~~~~~~

The Club

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