| A Fresh Start Chapter 1 |
| Author's Note: This is a continuation of "Such Is Life". Chapter 1 The Twelve Steps, Alcoholics Anonymous: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power as we understood our Higher Power. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have our Higher Power remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our short-comings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, as we understood our Higher Power, praying only for knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. ************************************************************************************************************** Skye Chandler Quartermaine sighed heavily as she reread the Twelve Steps for what seemed like the one-thousandth time in her life. It never failed – each time she read them, she was amazed at how simple they sounded, yet they weren’t really all that simple to carry out when it came down to it. Placing her reading materials to the side, Skye looked up from her perch on the lawn, leaning against a tree. Other people at the rehab center strolled around, sometimes in groups of two or three. Not Skye – it was the same here as it had always been – she didn’t have any friends. She knew that it was really her own choosing, she just wasn’t one to form those bosom buddy ties with others. Of course, that had been the topic of more than one therapy session. Skye concentrated on releasing the tension in her body as she closed her eyes. She had learned some good relaxation methods during her stay, meant to help her during those times that she was tempted to take a drink. Skye had realized that she had strayed from the AA program just when she needed it the most – between the old childhood wounds resurfacing and her new and old family troubles, she had lost her grip on everything and turned to what she knew best – the feeling of oblivion that came from being drunk. It had been two weeks since Skye first arrived at the rehabilitation center. Some days, it seemed like it had been two days; other times, it was more like two months had gone by. Skye did feel stronger in many ways, but there was still so much to deal with from the past. At times she felt like she was going to have to be in therapy for the rest of her life. It was at these times that her anger surged, and she had to practice keeping her emotions in check. She had learned that it was best not to keep everything in, that it could be poisonous to her body and spirit. But it was still difficult for Skye to learn to just let go of her feelings and to freely express herself – that was what she’d tried to hide her entire life, and she couldn’t just change that overnight. Skye stretched as she stood up slowly. She loved the feeling of being completely relaxed, but now she was dreading the thought of going inside for a group session. Never one to share much about herself, Skye rarely contributed to the group. Still, the group leader usually didn’t let her get by without sharing some little life lesson or story. Sighing, Skye picked up her reading materials and headed inside. ************************************************************************************************************ “Welcome, everyone,” their group leader, Cindy, greeted them with a smile as she looked around the circle. She sighed inwardly as she noticed Skye sitting in the far corner of the circle, eyes downcast and her posture rigid. She was going to have to figure out some way to get her to open up more. “We have a new person joining our group today,” Cindy told them with another cheery smile. “Why don’t you introduce yourself?” Skye’s head jerked up when she heard the person’s voice. “My name is Kevin,” he started, then stopped when he noticed Skye staring at him. “Go on,” Cindy encouraged, misunderstanding the reason for his pause. “Oh, and I’m an alcoholic,” Kevin Buchanan finished, then gave Skye a small smile, which she returned. This exchange was not lost on Cindy. “Kevin, do you know someone in this group?” she asked, looking directly at Skye. Kevin chuckled. “Uh, yeah – I guess you could say that. Skye and I are old friends.” “Oh, I see,” Cindy mused. “Well, let’s conduct group, and then I’ll talk to the two of you afterwards.” Skye could barely concentrate during the remainder of the group session – she was dumbstruck to see Kevin before her, and she couldn’t begin to imagine what had pushed him over the edge. Their parting in Llanview had been amicable, to say the least – one of the last conversations they had involved Skye’s proposal to Kevin to have an affair with her, no feeling involved, just sex and companionship. Skye smiled to herself as she remembered that day in his office, and his reaction to her farfetched idea. “Skye?” Skye glanced up quickly at the sound of her name; the entire group was staring at her. How long had they been trying to get her attention? “What… what was the question?” she asked rather meekly, causing a few of the group members to laugh. “Girl, get your head out of the clouds!” a young woman next to Skye remarked, giving her a friendly smile. “Yeah, if the rest of us have to sit through this, then you should have to pay attention, too,” an older man grumbled as he slouched down further in his chair. “Sorry,” Skye mumbled, not really sounding like she was. Cindy gave Skye another cheery smile. “Skye, I had asked you if you were ready for your family day coming up.” Skye’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of this; she had discussed it some with her personal counselor, but she had yet to discuss her family much in group. Skye looked over at Kevin, who was eyeing her curiously. It was then that Skye remembered that Kevin had left Llanview before Skye had found out who her biological parents were. Boy, he had missed out on a lot. “Well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Skye told the group with a dismissive wave of her hand. “That’s not a very good attitude,” one man chastised Skye. “Why not?” she demanded sharply. “Well, if you’re as ready as you’ll ever be, then that’s saying that there’s no room for improvement. That’s not a very positive way of looking at it,” he told her, as a few others nodded in agreement. “Well, excuse me if I’m not Pollyanna,” Skye hissed, rolling her eyes. “Lady, I’m only trying to help your sorry a...” the man started to say, but Cindy stopped him. “Okay, Jim, thanks for sharing, we get the picture.” Cindy turned back toward Skye, who was scowling as she looked away from the group. “Skye, where is this anger coming from?” she asked. “What anger? I’m not angry,” Skye retorted. “He’s the one who’s angry. I’m just very annoyed!” “Okay, fine,” Cindy countered, “then tell us why you’re so annoyed.” Skye sighed and rolled her eyes once more, then chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before answering. “It’s just annoying to me when someone jumps on every little word that I say, okay?” she tried to explain, her scowl softening a bit. “Why is that?” Cindy pressed. “I don’t know!” Skye declared in a loud voice, growing exasperated. “I just don’t like having to explain myself to anyone!” Skye stopped as her anger started to surface again. “Have you ever tried?” Cindy asked quietly after a moment of silence. “Tried what?” Skye asked irritably. “Explaining yourself to others,” Cindy answered. “Have you ever tried to get anyone to actually know the real you?” Skye remained silent as she pondered that question, uncomfortable that the group’s attention was still focused on her. “I’m not sure,” she said quietly. “Think about it,” Cindy told her. “Alright, gang, that’s it for today. Kevin and Skye, could you stick around for a minute?” Skye stood up slowly, trying not to grumble as a few group members gave her words of encouragement and pats on the back. She was not into this lovey-dovey support stuff at all. She couldn’t help but smile, though, as Kevin stood up and joined her side. “So, looks like we both have a lot of catching up to do,” Skye ventured, noticing the dark circles under Kevin’s eyes. “Yeah, something like that,” he agreed, frowning as he looked down at the floor. “Kevin, what – “ Cindy interrupted before Skye could finish her question. “Okay, what I need to know is how well you two knew each other, and if it’s going to affect either of you if you stay in the same group.” She looked from one to the other, waiting for one of them to speak up. “Well, it doesn’t bother me,” Skye said casually. “I’m fine with it,” Kevin remarked with a shrug. Cindy nodded. “Okay, but I still need to know how good of friends you two were… Skye?” Skye looked at Cindy, who was looking at her expectantly. “We were just friends, nothing more, okay?” she snapped. “Is that your take on it, Kevin?” Cindy asked. “Yep,” was his quick reply. Cindy nodded approvingly. “Okay. Well, this could actually be good for both of you. Just don’t rely on each other too much to make it through, okay?” With one last cheery smile, she turned and walked off. “Does she always have that damn cheery smile on her face?” Kevin grumbled. Skye snickered as she continued to study him. “Yeah, so get used to it.” Kevin looked up then, and Skye was taken aback at the hollow, empty look she saw in his eyes. “Kevin…” she began, but he interrupted her. “Ya know, Skye, I’m beat. I just went through detox, and I really need to sleep.” Skye nodded her understanding, which seemed to satisfy Kevin. “I’ll see you later?” he asked. Skye laughed quietly. “I don’t think I’m going anywhere soon,” she half-joked. Giving her a half-hearted smile, Kevin turned and walked back toward his room, leaving a perplexed Skye behind. ************************ (to be continued…) |