| A Fresh Start Chapter 2 |
| The neon green numbers on the digital alarm clock seemed to glow a bit brighter each time Skye rolled over to check the time. Sleep was evading her, and not for the first time since she’d been at the rehab center. No, Skye found herself actually becoming accustomed to operating on a very low amount of sleep. Each morning, while her twenty-year old roommate groaned at the sound of the alarm, Skye anxiously jumped out of bed, ready to get another day over with. But tonight was different… tonight she couldn’t stop thinking about three things… the question that Cindy had posed to her in the group session, tomorrow being family day, and Kevin. Grumbling, Skye threw off her covers and turned on her bedside lamp. She knew from experience that nothing short of a fire drill would awaken her roomie. Skye frowned, still deep in thought, then grabbed her journal and a pen. Yes, once again, it’s 2:30 AM and I can’t sleep – big surprise. There was an unexpected arrival today – Mr. Kevin Buchanan himself. Now there’s a man who I thought I once knew and understood, at least partially. But maybe I never knew him at all. Things could’ve been so different in Llanview, if only I had fallen for Kevin and not for Max. But that didn’t happened – I fell for Max, who was married to that witch Blair at the time. Skye shuddered at the memory of how pathetic she had been so many times, first trying to win Ben back from Viki, and then throwing herself all over Max. I should’ve listened to Kevin, he told me that I was better than that, but I didn’t believe him. If only I would’ve listened to him, I could have avoided the entire mess of being arrested for Max’s shooting and the long weeks I had to spend in jail. Shoulda, coulda, woulda… story of my life, Skye wrote down, then once again glanced at the clock. 3:02 AM – what sane person was awake at this hour? Her mind turned to the other topic she had been pondering earlier – Cindy’s question. While Skye put up a good front in group, rolling her eyes and appearing disinterested, deep down she was listening to every word uttered. Well, she had been doing that, up until she was caught daydreaming by Cindy, which led to the discussion about the upcoming family day. Skye chuckled quietly at the thought of what her family day would be like if she were to invite both her adoptive and biological families, especially if they all actually came. She had chosen to invite Alan, Monica, AJ, and Rae as her four family members. Part of her had wanted to invite Adam, but she just couldn’t deal with him at the moment. She had to get herself on more stable footing before facing Adam and all of the issues that were associated with him. “Have you ever tried to get anyone to actually know the real you?” Cindy’s question echoed in Skye’s head, along with her answer of “I’m not sure” – now, it sounded like a copout to her, and that’s probably what it was. How was she supposed to answer that question? It certainly wasn’t a question that one could answer after a few seconds’ consideration, Skye wrote down in her own defense. Deep in her heart, though, Skye knew the answer to the question – she was just so adept at keeping things buried that she didn’t want to spend the effort to unearth the painful truth. Who has even come close to knowing the real Antoinette Skye Chandler Quartermaine? More importantly, have I allowed anyone to get close enough to know who I really am? The answer, without a doubt, would have to be no - why bother? Everyone will let me down anyway. Rae certainly did, by blabbing to Adam and God knows who else what I had confided in her during a moment of utter weakness. Skye had been trying to work with her personal counselor on her internal anger that stemmed in large part from Rae. Lucky for Rae, she just happens to be the easiest target for me to blame for every bad thing that has ever happened to me. What’s worse is that I even realize that I’m doing it, but I continue to do it! Why? Because it’s easier to be angry with Rae than to even entertain the possibility that a mother could actually be good for me and could love me. Skye paused and reread that last sentence. Was it possible – for Rae to actually love Skye for who she was, the real Skye? Was it a risk she was willing to take at this point? She sighed dejectedly and began writing again. No, I won’t allow myself any hope as far as my relationship with Rae is concerned. I can’t – there’s just too much to lose. I’ll only get hurt if I expect something from her – if I don’t expect anything, then I can’t be disappointed, right? Look at Monica – I certainly hadn’t expected her to get all emotional in the hospital when she and Alan came in to see me, but she did. She almost sounded sincere in her wish to start over and keep me around. I wonder what on earth Dad said to her to convince her of that! Skye stopped and formed a mental picture of Alan, her biological father. On the outside, he appeared so incredibly strong, but he had so many weaknesses. Skye had barely scratched the surface as far as beginning to know and understand that complicated man. A single look of approval from him sends my heart soaring, but a stern look of dissatisfaction makes me want to cower in the corner. Why does this man, who I’ve known for less than a year, have that kind of power over me? Rather, why do I let him have that kind of power over me? Then, there’s A.J. What is there to say about A.J. except that we’re two peas in a pod. We understand each other; we can tell what the other one is thinking and feeling. How strange that we were separated up until recently, yet I feel like he’s been my brother my entire life. In fact, I feel so much closer to him than I ever felt to Hayley or Junior, and most certainly Colby. I mean, I love Colby, but the age difference is just so huge. Still, she is a doll, and it was fun to watch her when she came with Adam and Liza to the Quartermaines… Skye’s mind wandered back to that night. It had been last summer, and the Quartermaines had thrown her a party. Skye had been shocked when Adam, Liza and Colby had shown up. As she replayed the events of that night in her mind, Skye realized that it was the party and the events that followed that ultimately led her to where she was today. Here I sit, in a stuffy room with a 20-year old girl snoring in the bed next to mine. If someone had told me a year ago that this was where I’d be, I would’ve laughed in their face, then made a bet that they’d be wrong. But I guess I didn’t count on finding out a bunch of things, did I? Like the fact that Rae was Gretel from San Francisco – no, that discovery really threw me for a loop. I mean, what are the chances? And why was I so devastated to realize it was true? Shouldn’t I have been happy? I mean, here’s a woman who I would’ve given up anything in a heartbeat when I was fourteen for her to be my mother. And then I realize that the very same woman really is my mother, and I treat her with disdain and disrespect? How does that make any sense? Damn Althea, for what she did to me! I can’t find it in myself to trust anyone, and it all goes back to that witch who called herself my mother! To think that I was actually grateful for her at times… it was only because I didn’t know any better. I should’ve run away, or I could’ve told someone, or I… Skye shook her head as she realized that she was now crying. No, she couldn’t let herself revisit the past right now – her counselors made her do enough of that in sessions. Throwing her journal on the table in disgust, Skye switched off the bedside lamp and tried to get comfortable in the small twin bed. As she tossed and turned, images floated through her mind… Herself at the age of five, crying on the front porch as Althea chased down the street after the taxi that carried Adam away from them; Herself at the age of eight, curled up in a ball in her bed, pretending to be asleep as Althea’s angry, drunken voice grew louder and louder until it was almost at her closed bedroom door; Herself at the age of eleven, watching the paramedics resuscitate her mother after one of Althea’s heaviest drinking binges; Herself at the age of fourteen, trembling from the rage in Althea’s eyes, after Adam’s private investigators had located her in San Francisco and returned her to Althea; Herself at the age of seventeen, finding Althea’s bleeding body on the floor of the bathroom, then unexpectedly having Althea grab onto Skye’s arm and cut into her skin with the same knife Althea had used on herself; Herself at the age of twenty-one, identifying Althea’s body in the morgue after a skiing accident; Herself a few weeks ago, lying in the rose garden, downing the last drops of brandy. She finally drifted off into a sleep that was anything but peaceful, and only lasted for a few hours. A new day awaited her, a day that would bring with it some interesting surprises, both good and bad. **************************** (to be continued…) **************************** For those not familiar with this character: Biography of Kevin Buchanan As a boy, Kevin and his brother Joey's dad, Joe Riley, died. Clint adopted them when Clint married their mom, Viki Lord Riley. In 1991, as a teenager, Kevin's first real love was Stephanie Hobart, the niece of the hated Carlo Hesser. Because of Carlo's hatred for the Buchanans, he ended the relationship. Right after that, Kevin started a love affair with Lee Ann Demerest. They stayed together even though Max Holden had a passion for Lee Ann. Once Lee Ann thought Max had fallen for Luna Moody, Lee Ann and Kevin made love. When Kevin found out that Lee Ann was pregnant in 1992, they eloped. Kevin and Lee Ann's marrige just wasn't to be. Lee Ann had grew very close to Jason Webb. Kevin got a divorce, and Lee Ann went to Texas and took Duke, Kevin's baby, with her. Kevin started to grow very close to Rachel Gannon. Rachel's father, Hank didn't help much though, he didn't like their friendship at all. While studying at Llanview University, Kevin was charged with raping Marty Saybrooke. She also went to the college. They soon found out he didn't do it when their main suspects were Todd Manning and his buds. It turned out that they had done it. Later in 1994, Rachel and Kevin were going to move in togeher, but when Kevin went to Texas to go visit Duke, Rachel and Dr. Ben Price started their own little romance. Kevin ended the friendship between him and Rachel. Kevin wanted to do what his parents had done and become a reporter. While starting his new job, Kevin dated Andy Harrison. They dated until Kevin went to London in 1995, on assignment. That fall, Kevin ended their relationship in a letter. Kevin came back to Llanview in 1996, and became an investigative reporter. That's where he met his rival reporter Cassie Carpenter. Cassie was married, but that really didn't matter to Kevin, he wanted a romance with her from the start. Cassie kept resisting him, and told him to get someone else. He soon did, Téa Delgado. That made Cassie very jealous seeing Téa with Kevin. Finally in 1997, Cassie couldn't resist anymore and they made love. Cassie left her husband Rev. Andrew Carpenter and married Kevin. Later in 1998, Kevin and Cassie hired a nurse named Barbara Graham. She was supposed to take care of Cassie's father, David, who was very sick. She soon fell in love with Kevin. Kevin and Barbara were trapped together in a cellar when Todd was holding everyone hostage at the Buchanan lodge. They couldn't resist each other and they made love. Kevin regretted it so much. Cassie soon found out about it, and she was mad! One night Barbara tried to kill Cassie for interfering with her and Kevin. She tried to shoot Cassie, but accidentally shot and killed Kevin's cousin, Drew. Cassie was shot, too and she was paralyzed. Cassie started to go insane after that. She held Barbara hostage. Kevin soon found her. Cassie was shipped off to Switzerland and their marrige was annuled. In 1999, a woman named Grace Monroe arrived in town. Now they call her Grace Davidson, it had to do with her being abducted as a child by the mob. She charmed her way into Kevin's life and they had a romance going, but then Gretel Rae Cummings came to town. Rae was looking for her husband, who had cheated on her with a younger woman. That woman was Grace. Rae wanted to ruin Grace's life for having an affair with Rae's husband, Daniel. Rae tried to talk to Kevin and convince him to stop seeing Grace, but had no success. Kevin and Grace grew closer covering the Lindsay Rappaport trial and eventually got engaged. In October of 1999, Kevin was a royal mess when Grace drowned at Asa's summer house. Unable to cope, Kevin began heavily drinking. Kelly and Joey moved in with Kevin for a while to him cope with Grace's death. On New Year's Eve, Kevin and Kelly were drinking and nearly ended up making love. They both agreed to keep it a secret from Joey. When Kevin learned of Viki's breast cancer, he blew Kelly off when she suggested that they should work out their feelings for one another. Joey found out about Kevin and Kelly when Kelly confessed her true love for Kevin. Unable to cope, Joey nearly strangled Kevin to death with a pool cue. When Kelly was in danger because she could identify the hit man who shot Ben Davidson, Kevin and Joey both moved in to protect her. Kevin was upset when he found out that Joey had been stalling his divorce from Kelly. After Kevin and Joey saved Kelly from the hitman, Joey moved away to London, leaving Kevin and Kelly to enjoy their relationship together. In March 2001, Kevin left town to go to Texas to care for his son, Duke and got a job for a local newspaper. Kelly moved down to Texas to live with Kevin a few months later. |