| A Fresh Start Chapter 3 |
| Everyday I fight a war against the mirror I can't take the person starin' back at me I'm a hazard to myself Don't let me get me I'm my own worst enemy Its bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else Skye shook her head as she primped in front of the mirror. Her roommate, Teresa, had the volume on her Walkman cranked up to the point that Skye could hear every word. Fitting that this song should be playing, Skye thought, giving her reflection a wry smile as she mentally pictured Alan, Monica, A.J. and Rae all making their way to the rehab center for Family Day. Waving a good-bye to her young roommate, Skye tried to keep herself from growing nervous as she meandered along the long pathways leading to the main building. She thought back to the previous day, to how peaceful she’d felt for just a few brief seconds while sitting and relaxing under the large oak tree… she wished she could go back to that tree and once again capture that mind frame. The amount of apprehension and dread that was starting to fill her was enough to make her want to turn around and stay in her room all day, even if it meant listening to her roommate’s music. Seeing as how that wasn’t an option, though, Skye continued toward the main building. She cringed upon recognizing one of the Quartermaine’s black limousines parked outside. “Here we go,” she mumbled, hesitating slightly before pushing open the large, heavy door to the front parlor. Her eyes quickly scanned the room, falling on an unusual sight. In one corner of the room sat A.J. with none other than Kevin Buchanan, in what appeared to be a deep conversation. Her curiosity piqued, Skye made her way over to her brother and her friend. A.J. rose as he noticed his sister approaching the two men. “Skye,” he greeted her warmly, pulling her into a bear hug despite a bit of resistance. He finally released her and looked at her with warm eyes full of understanding. “You look good,” he told her sincerely. “Thanks, A.J.” Skye gave him a grateful smile and squeezed his hand, then turned to Kevin. “So, I see you’ve met my friend, Kevin.” “Actually, he was my friend before he was your friend,” A.J. told Skye, his smile broadening. “See, Kevin and I were at the same boarding school for awhile. I forget which one of us got kicked out first.” “Surely not,” Skye jested, her eyes twinkling. She noticed that Kevin looked better rested than the day before, but there was still a sadness lurking below the surface of his smile and in his eyes. “Yeah, your brother and I cooked up a scheme or two,” Kevin noted, giving A.J. a jovial slap on the back. “Listen, I’m going to go tell Mom and Dad you’re here – they’re out in the garden somewhere,” A.J. told Skye. As he moved past her, he paused and whispered in her ear, “You sure you’re ready for this?” Skye gave A.J. what she hoped to be a convincing smile and nodded. Her attention returned to Kevin, who was studying her intently. “What?” she asked, feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious. Kevin shook his head in amazement. “A.J. filled me in on your biological family – it’s all a bit unreal. Mom told me that Rae was your mother, but the Quartermaines? That must have been quite a shock.” “Why do you think I’m in here?” she asked dryly, relieved when Kevin actually chuckled. “Kevin!” a voice called out behind them. Skye’s eyes widened as she recognized the voice. Turning, she groaned inwardly as Viki and Ben Davidson hurried over to them. She almost laughed as their happy expressions turned to ones of shock at seeing her there. “Hi, Mom.” Kevin put his arms around Viki while giving Skye an apologetic smile. Skye glared back at Kevin through narrowed eyes, not believing she was in this mess. “Kevin, how are you?” Ben asked, shaking Kevin’s hand, then looking back at Skye. “Did you invite Skye here as well?” “No, Benjamin, I happen to be a guest at this fine establishment,” Skye interjected, biting the bullet. She tried not to wince as a look of disappointment crossed her ex-husband’s face. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Skye,” he told her, truly meaning it. “Yes, well… is your family here?” Viki asked coolly, still not thoroughly keen on her son or any other man in her life having any ties to Skye. “Well, I am,” Rae announced with a radiant smile as she came up behind the small gathering. “Hello, Skye.” Rae waited to gauge Skye’s reaction and was pleasantly surprised when Skye moved to hug her, even though her body was stiff as a board. “Hello, Mother,” Skye greeted Rae, not quite able to work up a smile. “Rae, what a coincidence!” Viki exclaimed, as if they were running into each other at some restaurant instead of at their children’s rehab center. Kevin and Skye exchanged a knowing smirk behind their mothers’ backs. “Skye?” Alan called out as he, Monica, and A.J. approached her. ‘Oh, great – the gang’s all here,” Skye mumbled, before turning to her biological father. “Hello, Daddy,” she greeted him with a small smile, as Alan leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Monica.” “Hello, Skye.” Monica looked like she’d rather be anyplace but there, especially after seeing Rae. She linked her arm through Alan’s as she looked down her nose at Rae. “Hello, Rae. Where’s that boyfriend of yours… what was his name again?” “John,” Rae reminded her, giving her a sarcastic glance. “And he’s not my boyfriend, Monica – he’s my fiancé. He had to work.” The rest of the introductions were made, then the two families went their separate ways. A schedule had been made for the day that was supposed to more or less be adhered to. Skye was surprised when lunch and a tour of the grounds went well for all five of them. Even Monica and Rae remained civil toward each other. Skye was grateful for A.J.’s reassuring presence whenever she started to feel anxious about the upcoming family session. Unfortunately for her, the afternoon flew by all too quickly, and it was soon time for all of them to meet with her personal counselor, Nina. Rae herself was surprised by the butterflies in her own stomach as they all made their way into Nina’s office and took their respective seats. She had been on pins and needles, waiting to see if Skye would reach out to her and invite her to the Family Day, and she had been thrilled beyond belief when she received the phone call. So far, though, Rae couldn’t help but feel disappointed – it was quite obvious that Skye still didn’t want to have much to do with her. Monica squeezed Alan’s hand and gave him a small smile as they sat on a couch together, facing the therapist. She had come for Alan’s benefit, but she honestly couldn’t say how she felt about Skye one way or the other. She was willing to sit through this session; however, she hoped it would be the last one she’d have to endure. Alan scowled as he pondered how two of his children were addicts, just like himself. He couldn’t forgive himself for not noticing the change in Skye’s behavior when she had returned to Port Charles – he should’ve been able to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out what was wrong. A.J. studied the other individuals one by one, amazed at the variety of personalities that managed to all come together for his sister. He wondered if that had even dawned on Skye. As much as he loved her, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy… this was more trouble than their father had ever gone through for him. He had to move past that feeling, though… and one look at the fear in his sister’s eyes put him back in the place of the understanding and supportive brother. After introductions were made, Nina clasped her hands together. “Alright, I’d like to keep this simple,” she told the group. “I’d like for you to start, Skye, with anyone in your family.” “What am I supposed to say?” Skye demanded. “Just say what’s on your mind. I’ll prompt you if necessary,” Nina told her, nodding in encouragement. “Right,” Skye sighed, rolling her eyes. “Alright, well, I guess I’ll start with you, A.J. I, uh, don’t really know what to say except to thank you for… for everything. You have no idea what it means to have your support…” Skye paused, surprised at how emotional she was already becoming. She looked down and plucked at something imaginary on her pants. “That’s all,” she finished quietly, rapidly brushing away a tear and keeping her eyes down. “A.J., did you want to say anything in return?” Nina asked him. A.J. shrugged. “Just that I feel the same way,” he replied, swallowing over the lump in his throat. Nina nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, good. Skye, who’s next?” Skye crossed her legs and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. Her foot moved back and forth as her eyes darted over to Monica. “Um, I’ll go with Monica, I guess.” She gave the older woman a wry smile before continuing. “Monica, I know I didn’t make it easy for you to accept me, the way I first arrived in Port Charles, especially after interrupting your and Daddy’s vow renewal ceremony. And I know that I’ve been horrible at times to you and to others in the family. I could certainly understand it if you didn’t want to be around me.” “I thought you didn’t want me around,” Monica interjected. Skye squirmed in her seat, wringing her hands. “Uh, well, I can see how you would think that,” she acknowledged quietly. “But no, that’s not the case.” “Oh,” Monica said simply, surprised at the feeling of relief inside her. “I’m glad, Skye.” “You are?” Skye asked, surprised by Monica’s admission. “Yes, I am. It’s obvious you mean a lot to Alan, and I do love my husband, very much.” Monica paused and took a deep breath as she looked down. “I lost my daughter several years ago, and it really hit me when I found you in the garden, so close to dying… I don’t want Alan to go through that kind of loss. And I don’t want to lose you, either, Skye.” Monica’s lower lip quivered as she looked up to see Skye looking at her in utter amazement. “I… I don’t know what to say,” Skye stammered. “Well, that’s okay… sometimes,” Nina said with a wink. “Let’s just move on for now.” Skye cleared her throat. “Okay. Well, Daddy – what to say… I guess all I can say is that I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment.” “Hey, go easy, there,” Alan interrupted, frowning at the idea of his daughter thinking such a thing. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” Skye insisted. “C’mon, Dad, be honest – what kind of a daughter doesn’t even thank her father for saving her other dad’s life, then moves across the country to be with her other dad, then comes back into town and doesn’t call you, then ends up almost killing herself with booze and lands in rehab?” By the end of her rant, Skye was in tears, which only made her more angry and disgusted with herself. “That is not how I feel,” Alan told her, his tone firm. “Skye, I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you all of those years you grew up. When I think of all you must have gone through…” He stopped and glanced over at Rae, whose eyes were as wide as saucers. Skye turned toward Rae as she furiously wiped at her eyes with her hands. “You told him, too?!?” she accused Rae, her pitch rising. “Gee, Rae, why didn’t you just write articles that covered my childhood horrors and publish them in the Llanview Banner, the Port Charles Herald, and the Pine Valley Bulletin?” Rae squeezed her eyes shut as if that action would shut out Skye’s hateful words. Tears pricked the backs of her eyelids. She continued to sit like that, not responding to Skye’s tirade. “Fine, don’t answer me,” Skye hissed, not paying one ounce of attention to the stunned faces of the Quartermaines as they watched the ugly showdown take place. “I wish… I wish I had never met you!” Rae was horrified when she heard a small sob escape her throat. She held her head with one hand, unable to look up at everyone. The room became deathly silent, except for the two women’s occasional sniffling. “You know, maybe it would be better if we left,” A.J. suggested, standing up suddenly. Nina nodded her agreement and waited for Monica, Alan, and A.J. to exit the room before continuing. “Skye, tell Rae why you’re so angry,” Nina prodded. “She knows why I’m angry!” Skye retorted, glaring at her therapist. “Tell her anyway. I want you to say it out loud,” Nina instructed. “Fine.” Skye looked over at her mother and was surprised to feel some of her anger flow out of her as she saw a dejected woman sitting in front of her and not some monster that she had built up in her head over the past two weeks she’d been there. She’d conveniently forgotten most of her and Rae’s conversation after Skye had awakened in the hospital. It had been easy to vent to Nina about what a horrible thing Rae had done by telling others about Skye being abused by Althea, but it wasn’t quite as easy to sit across from Rae and yell at her about it, especially when Rae looked as if she could fall apart at any moment. “Go on,” Nina told Skye. Skye shook her head. “I thought it was because she told Alan about what she knows about my childhood, but that’s not what it’s about.” She watched as Rae looked up at her, confused. “It’s not?” Rae asked, sniffling. “No, I guess it’s not.” Skye sighed. “I don’t know why it’s clear to me all of a sudden, but it is. Rae, I’m angry because you think that you know all about me just from the little bit of my childhood that I’ve told you. The truth is, there is so much more to me that you don’t know, yet you assume that you know all there is to know about me, and what’s more… I don’t know if you’re even interested in getting to know the rest of me.” “Of course I am, Skye!” Rae countered, looking wounded at the suggestion that she didn’t want to know and understand her own daughter better. “I want nothing more than that. It’s you who is anything but an open book.” Skye started to make a snide retort but stopped as she remembered Cindy’s question from the previous day’s session - “Have you ever tried to get anyone to actually know the real you?” She couldn’t contradict Rae because her mother was absolutely right – she was anything but an open book. Nina sighed after a few moments of silence, it seemed as though they’d reached a standstill. “Okay, Skye – Rae has told you what she wants, and that’s to get to know and understand you better. So, what is it that you want from Rae?” Skye looked at her biological mother as her childhood dreams of a mother figure formed an image in her mind, one that looked strikingly similar to the woman sitting across from her. “I want my mom,” Skye said softly, her voice cracking. “And I want to be able to trust her and to love her and to accept the fact that she loves me unconditionally… but I can’t do that yet, and I’m scared that I never will be able to do it.” “Oh, Skye.” Rae moved to her daughter and wrapped her arms around Skye’s shaking body. “Sweetie, it’s okay.” Skye shook her head against her mother’s shoulder. “No, it’s not okay. It’s not normal to feel this way.” “Well, maybe that’s why you ended up here,” Nina joked, lightening the mood a bit. She succeeded, as both mother and daughter chuckled together. Skye pulled back from Rae, sniffling as she reached for a tissue. “So, what now?” she asked a bit nervously. Nina threw up her hands as she grinned. “That’s anyone’s guess. But this is as good a place to start as any.” Rae smoothed back a few strands of hair that were stuck to Skye’s tear-stained face. “Yes, it is,” she agreed, smiling lovingly at her daughter. *********************************************************************************************************** Song Lyrics – “Don’t Let Me Get Me” by Pink |