Looking back, Kelly evolved into different identities each year. You could say it was due to mood swings, or because of her mind maturing into new conclusions, that she was someone else each time you saw her. But it wasn't just that. The art of appearing capable of whatever she wanted to do or whoever she wanted to be was part of Kellys bizarre charm. A "Master of Disguise" sort of trait, but without so much glamour. Kelly was physically more or less the same. But five minutes into a conversation, and you could tell she had already advanced five light years ahead of your IQ.
She didn't seem that way at first. In tenth grade, before high school had completely broken down her mind and shuttled her into a world of revolving faces, she seemed completely normal to me. Well, maybe not completely normal. It was the oddities in Kelly that attracted everyone to her. She was spontaneous, upbeat, creative, and friendly. Being a freshman at the time, I was always wary of the upperclassmen around me. But even then, Kelly wasnt one for following the social mores of high school. She ended all that when she crossed the gym and laughed with me. Ours was a sporadic sense of humor. A small group of us, with Kelly in the center, were never without snickers. Our inside jokes were as complex as any science fiction novel. Most of them were one word long- like grapefruit, or story, and a long list of items that were the source of laughter. Kelly taught us to be sneaky, like children playing games of Secret Agent. She taught us how to laugh things off, how to be original, and how to be a little quirky.
"You write random things on pieces of paper. Like, 'I love your socks' or 'awesome pants'. And then you slip it into their backpack while they're busy. Most people dont even feel it." Kelly told us. "Or plastic spoons. You can never have enough plastic spoons!" Kelly made us excited for school, where we could spread our secret notes and share the cafeterias utensils with the student population.
But Kelly was evolving even as we joked with her. She became sneakier, to say the least. Her eleventh grade year was spent tiptoeing around people, eavesdropping and peeking through keyholes. Kelly was ruthless when it came to breaking away from people who no longer entertained her. And before the year was over, we were seeing someone we hadn't noticed before. Kelly was through with her giggling, silly self. Emerging from the depths of her mind was a person whom she was ready to let out- a glaring, growling version of her former self. Maybe it was resentment towards an old boyfriend whom she had marked as unworthy. Maybe it was just time for her to change personalities. Either way, the Kelly we had known was done, to be seen again at rare times. And as far as Kelly was concerned, we were the ones who had to adjust.
Kelly's senior year was downhill from the beginning. She had problems in every area of her life, and most of the time, she was too arrogant to do anything reasonable about it. She had a boyfriend that she was constantly in a battle with. Her parents were on her case about school and her social life, driving Kelly up the wall. She discarded devoted friends because they were no longer of use to her. Senior year was pretty dismal for Kelly. Her identity was a bitter, tired, selfishly truthful girl, with confidence only in that she would find a loophole somewhere.
Nobody will ever be able to completely put a pin on Kelly's persona. Ever changing and unpredictable is the best we'll ever be able to give her. How can you expect to know someone with the power of a cunning chess master? In one move, Kelly could make us all cry, laugh, panic, and dance. She could either knock us to the sidelines or leave us on the board for later use. She did things for herself and no one else- everything was to benefit her well being at one point or another. Nobody was ever safe. And even after she had moved on, whomever she had tossed aside was never the same. Kelly haunted everyone she met, manipulating them until they were too dizzy to remember how it all started. To Kelly, her insecurities and fears were not important. She focused on setting up the board so that she would win in any situation- and somehow she always came out lucky.
You couldn't hope to meet anyone more deceitfully honest than Kelly. She sees people the way they appear and plays off it. You could take her truthful remarks as cruel or honest, but she says it because she sees it as true. She sees herself as honestly as someone else would, and she isn't afraid to explain exactly what shes like, in the simplest terms. She is everything from a dreamer to a conqueror, with the self-esteem of a dictator and the reason of a saint. You can accuse her of everything and nothing, and only end up making a fool of yourself.
The last few months of that year, Kelly was lost to me too. When we had just a few months prior called ourselves best friends, I didn't know what was going on with her. I could see she was suffering, but knowing Kelly was fiercely independent, I was afraid to offer my help. And because of that, we were never as close again. We still write emails, and I always check her letters to see how she is doing. We probably will never be nearly as close as we were, but I'm glad she hasn't chosen to condemn me with the others yet. Kelly is more independent than anyone I've met, but I worry about her and I think she needs that. Everyone needs someone to worry about them, and when you're as complicated and masterly twisted as Kelly, you need it even more.
