SIUBlues16

Harvey stood out by the nurses station, his eyes boring a hole through the door to Rachel’s room. “That was obviously the wrong time to let Forest have a break,” he muttered to himself. Hyun Chon never would have approached her room if he had to go through a guard. Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, he began pacing. He had to be completely insane to give Hyun Chon two minutes let alone ten to talk with Rachel. He honestly didn’t know if he was incredibly understanding or ridiculously stupid.

“Ridiculously stupid,” he declared to no one in particular because he knew that he was going to give them all the time they needed to talk. He could hear the words ringing in his ears already. “He’s such a nice guy,” he said in a mocking tone. It would be the chorus of the song that was his life. It was the polite way of saying that he came in a close second. Again!

* * *

Rachel could feel her hands trembling as Hyun reached out to take them. It was a shock to see him again. She had searched for him for so many years that she had half convinced herself he was dead. “This is absolutely amazing,” she whispered breathlessly. When she was younger, she had dreamed of that moment many times, but she had never imagined the churning emotions inside. She was actually joyous at seeing him. She took in every inch of him. He looked healthy, but not in the least happy. It was his eyes that betrayed him. There was an emptiness about them that she had never seen before.

“There was no reason for me to stay away any longer,” Hyun whispered as he brought both of her hands up to his lips. “I am so sorry for everything, Lilac.” He called her by the nickname he had given her nearly twenty years ago to show her that he hadn’t forgotten. “There are so many things that I would have changed if I could.”

“Like telling me where our son was?” she shot back. The initial shock of seeing him was wearing off fast as the years of hurt and anger started to surface. “How could you keep him from me, Hyun?” she asked.

“I had no choice,” he told her. “I’m not proud of the fact, but I used our son as a bargaining chip with my father. He could see Samuel as long as you stayed alive. Unfortunately, that all changed when Samuel turned eighteen.”

“And, of course, Yong Cha’s one stipulation was that you never saw me again,” she concluded.

Hyun nodded slowly as he held her gaze. “It was the hardest decision that I had ever made. But I believe it was the right one.”

“How could it have been?” she asked, the hurt quickly taking the lead in the emotions race. “We weren’t together, never mind the fact that I was pregnant with your son. Or that your father had my dad killed. Or that Yong Cha murdered the people who had adopted our son.”

“That’s why I made the deal,” he told her honestly. “I knew that there was no way that my father would ever let us be. He denied the fact that you were Samuels mother and continued to deny it to this day. I’ll never understand his hatred and I pray to God that Samuel never understands it either.”

“How could you let him get involved with Yong Cha’s organization?” she asked, quickly moving onto another point of argument. If she knew Hyun half as well as she thought she did, he would be leaving there very soon and she wanted to get as many answers out of him as she could. “That was the one thing that you swore you would never do, let your father run your life. Now you’re letting him run our son’s?”

“Believe me, Rachel, I did everything that I could to keep the two of them apart, but there was nothing I could do to stand in his way when he turned eighteen. He got caught up in the money, just as I was afraid he would. I did everything I could to bring him up in a stable home. He knew what it was like to really earn something.”

He has the same passion if not the same morals, she decided as she searched his face. Could he really be the boy that she remembered? Very little had changed about him. There were a few white hairs at his temple, a few more lines, a lot more years. But his eyes....That was what she didn’t recognize. They actually looked defeated and she didn’t think that she would ever see that in Hyun’s eyes. “You named him after my grandfather?” she asked, falling back on standard questions when she didn’t know how to address what it was she saw in him.

He smiled for the first time. Yong Cha had been furious when Hyun had giving his only grandson an American name. Hyun enjoyed the sensation so much that he took Thomas as his own name. It had been a childish impulse, but it still made him smile when he thought about it. “I gave him everything that I could of you. I even invented a nursery tale for him called The Little Lilac.”

She laughed briefly as the first tears escaped. She had often wondered if Hyun ever told their son about her. She had hoped that he would. “He looks just like you,” she said with a smile.

He nodded. “But he has your spirit,” he told her. “He doesn’t back down from a fight.”

“So you’re telling me he has my sense too?” she joked to try to stop the streams of tears down her cheeks. Just that tiny bit of information meant so much to her. She felt like she had a tiny piece of her son back.

“He has your passion,” Hyun concluded, then glanced back at the closed door. “You seem to inspire passion in men.”

She smiled at him as she wiped at her eyes. “You always were the flatterer, Hyun.”

“So tell me, is that man of any consequence to you or do I finally have the opportunity to make you mine?”

* * *

Victoria leaned closer to Nash as they sat at a beach side cafe. Lightly running her fingers over the lapel of his jacket, she smiled at him with a slight tilt of her head. “It looks like we have a winner,” she whispered.

Nash gave her a smile in return as he lightly touched her cheek. To anyone watching, they looked like nothing more than a couple enjoying the mild weather and warm company. “Point me in the right direction,” he returned.

“Far left corner of the patio,” she said, gesturing with her head by turning her cheek into the palm of his hand, at least, that was what she told herself. It was becoming increasingly difficult to remain focused on their objective. “Standing by the door,” she continued. “Blue dress. Bright yellow jacket.”

He caught sight of the woman instantly, then gave Victoria one of his charming smiles. “Why didn’t you just say the woman in the yellow jacket?” he asked softly.

“How do I know you’re not color blind?” she returned, her eyes roving over his expensive Italian cut multicolor jacket.

His eyes narrowed slightly. “This happens to be one of my favorite jackets.”

“Tory? Victoria Castle?” the lady in yellow said when she recognized Victoria and approached their table. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised to see you since Cruz is going to be here in a couple of days. You are going to be at the party, of course?” she asked as she eyed Nash curiously.

“We wouldn’t miss it,” Victoria returned as she reached over to stroke Nash’s shoulder just before he stood in greeting. “Debra, this is Teddy Malone. Teddy, Debra Kane,” she introduced them casually, then smiled up at Nash adoringly.

“Would you like to join us for a coffee, Ms. Kane?” Nash asked.

“Oh, call me Debra, please,” she hastened to correct him. “And thank you for the invitation, but I was just leaving. Besides,” she added, her eyes darting between the couple. “I have a feeling that I would be interrupting a romantic afternoon.”

“Not interrupting,” Victoria denied as she reached over to take Nash’s hand. “Just adding to the wonderful company.”

Debra took in every glance between Nash and Victoria, every secretive smile. She almost cooed when Nash lifted Victoria’s hand for a kiss at the compliment. “You’re so sweet,” she finally returned. “But I really am in a rush. I just wanted to say hi. I’ll see you at the party, though,” she promised, then was off in a cloud of Channel.

Nash turned to watch her go, then he returned to his seat. “Does Montipinia send out invitations or something?” he asked sarcastically. Debra Kane had been the third one of Victoria’s friends to mention the party that afternoon and they had only been out in public for two hours.

“It only takes one phone call and then the grapevine takes over,” Victoria said, turning back to her cup of coffee to take a sip.

“That’s some grapevine. Does it work both ways?”

She glanced up at him, then gave her shoulder a shrug. “Debra will almost certainly say something to Cruz at the party. It will just slip out during the course of casual conversation,” she said, then rolled her eyes at the bumbling that some actually considered subtlety.

Nash chuckled softly. “Not everyone has your natural talent, sweetheart,” he complimented her. “There were a couple of times this afternoon that you almost had me believing you.”

His words were like a slap in the face for Victoria. She had gotten so lost in her part that she had to remind herself that Nash had no interest in her other than her connection to Cruz Montipinia. “Do you mind if we call it a day?” she asked abruptly as she reached for her purse.

He slowly shook his head. “Not until we make sure that Montipinia gets an earful of the type of company you keep,” he said. “If he’s as possessive as you say he is, I want him stewing over it for a couple of days. Distracted men make mistakes.”

She slipped on her sunglasses as she stared at him for a moment. If she had any doubt that he was with her strictly for business purposes, that would have cinched it for her. “If that’s all you want, then we need to take a walk,” she said, then stood.

She was up and out of the restaurant so fast that Nash was left fumbling for his words, then his wallet. She was walking away along the sandy shore, shoes in hand when he finally caught up with her. “Slow down Tory,” he ordered, then grabbed her arm to bring her to a halt. “What gives?”

She looked up at him as he waited expectantly, hands shoved in his pockets. There were so many things that she wanted to say, but there wasn’t any point. Nash had already made up his mind about her when he found out that she had underworld connections. “Do you see that house over there? The one with the huge deck and pool?” she asked, pointing back over her shoulder, then waited for his nod. “That’s Carl Bennett’s house and there isn’t a gossip alive that can best him. If he gets one look at us together, he will be on the phone to Cruz in a heartbeat.”

Nash turned a little more to get a better look at the house. “He sounds like a real stand up guy,” he returned sarcastically, then reached out to take her hand. “Why don’t we go for a little stroll past his house.”

Victoria’s first instinct was to jerk her hand out of his, but she restrained the impulse. Reluctantly, she allowed her fingers to curl around his warm hand. I can do this, she told herself. It’s just a walk on the beach with a handsome companion. Nothing more. She knew that she was only fooling herself. Even though Nash’s feelings had waned, hers had only strengthened and it was moments like that, just the simple act of holding his hand, which tormented her most of all.

“Is that him?” Nash asked, then looked over at her when she didn’t respond immediately. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah that’s him,” she returned, ignoring his latter question. She was far from being all right, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.

When Nash saw Carl Bennett raise his hand in an uncertain wave in their direction, he stopped once more and faced Victoria. “It looks like we’ve got his attention,” he said, then glanced back at Carl to be sure that he was still watching.

Her heart wasn’t the only thing that she felt in the back of her throat when Nash suddenly began to kiss her. She was so startled that she didn’t know how to react for a few seconds, then she remembered that they were suppose to be putting on a show. It took very little effort to appear to melt in his arms, but then she let him know that she didn’t appreciate his tactics when her teeth were able to catch his lower lip. “The idea is for people to see us together as a couple not doing it on the beach,” she hissed out as she put her hand up to his chest and tried to push out of his embrace.

Nash ran his tongue along his lip expecting the salty taste of blood as he held her firmly against him. “And it looks like it worked,” he returned, then reached up to touch his lip when he couldn’t distinguish the salt water in the air for what could be a cut. “Bennett picked up the phone the second he saw me kiss you.”

Victoria stopped struggling as she ordered her breathing to still. “Then I suppose we can call it a day after all,” she said, waiting for him to release her, but he kept her in the circle of his arms.

“What is with you all of the sudden, Tory?” he asked, completely at a loss with her abrupt change in attitude.

“I’m really tired, Nash,” she lied. “I just want to check into a hotel and get some sleep.”

He shook his head. “No hotel,” he said succinctly. “You’ll be staying with me for the next several days.”

Her mouth dropped open in surprise. They had never discussed where she would be staying. She honestly hadn’t thought that it would be an issue. “I most certainly will not!”

“Don’t argue with me about this Tory,” he ordered. “I’m the one that’s suppose to be protecting you and, since we’re suppose to be lovers, the one logical place for you to stay is with me.”

She shook her head slowly as her heart began to pound for a different reason. “Are you insane? What are you hoping to prove by provoking Cruz? Are you trying to get him to put a gun to your head?”

“You let me worry about Montipinia,” he returned, dropping his hands from her waist when he noticed that Carl Bennett had disappeared into the house. “The more his attention is focused on you, the less likely it is for him to see the bust coming.”

She continued to shake her head as she stared at him. “You are insane,” she pronounced, then walked off in the direction in which they came.

Nash sighed heavily as he looked back up at Carl Bennett’s house, then he turned to follow Victoria. The next couple of days were going to be the longest in his life.

* * *

Rachel smiled at the compliment that Hyun had given her. If she had heard those words twenty years ago, it would have made a difference. To be his would have meant everything to her. She had wanted nothing more than to be with Hyun and their son. But now? “I can’t believe that you would seriously ask me that,” she said with a shake of her head. “How have things changed, Hyun? Your father still wants you and Samuel under his control and me dead. Even if you were serious, your father would never allow it. You certainly aren’t going to take him on at this late date for someone you knew twenty years ago. I mean, why should you? Even if I am the mother of your son.”

“You’d be surprised what I would do for you,” he said, then had to lower his eyes to keep from showing how deeply her words cut. He knew that he should have stood up to his father years ago, but that wouldn’t have saved him from running. He knew that she would have been miserable if she had been running with him. Just as he knew that she wouldn’t be happy now. Because of that, she would never know how serious he actually was about committing to her.

“You’re in love with him,” he stated simply, moving onto the topic that he hoped would be different. He knew that look. He remembered when it had been directed at him.

Rachel shook her head slowly. She knew where this was going and she didn’t want to be forced into making a choice. She hadn’t been given that option twenty years earlier. “Don’t do this, Hyun. It isn’t fair.”

“You’re absolutely right,” he told her. She had made her choice and he had to honor that. He had to forget about what he was losing and enjoy every moment of what he had. He couldn’t take his eyes away. He wanted to remember every breath she took. He wanted to memorize every feature. “If anyone deserves to get a break, it’s you,” he said solicitously, then leaned closer. “Your wish is granted,” he told her. “You don’t have to worry about my father any more. I’ve just made a deal with him that he can’t refuse.”

“What are you, the Asian answer to Al Pacino? What does that mean?”

He tried his best to chuckle, but could only raise a smile. Somehow he thought it would be easier to see her again. But it only drove home what he had missed even more than before. “It means that I told Samuel about you,” he told her, knowing that she would follow where he led. “He knows who you are. He knows that he was named after your grandfather. He knows what happened with Yong Cha. He knows everything.”

Rachel’s breathing stopped all together as she covered her mouth with her hand. Could it be possible that she might have a chance to speak with her son for the first time? Hyun reached out and lightly stroked her cheek. “You don’t have to worry about my father anymore, Lilac. His greatest fear was that Samuel should know about you. Now that he does, Yong Cha can stop nothing.”

“But why now?” she asked. “Why not twenty years ago when I still could have made a difference in Samuel’s life?”

“Because Yong Cha broke his oath,” he returned. Hyun had said many times that he felt like the only thing that his family had was honor. When that was gone, there would be nothing left. “He swore to me that he would not harm you. That was my only request for remaining silent.”

“Did you ever think that we could have made it together?” she asked. “That maybe we could have stood against him as a family?”

He had to look away once more as a sharp stab hit him in the gut. Did she not know that her words were ripping his heart apart? “Would you have put our son at risk for that?” he asked softly, knowing what her response would be when it came to keeping their son safe.

She thought about that for a long moment. She knew that she would have made the same decision if it had been reversed. “I looked for you everywhere,” she told him. “Where had you disappeared to?”

“Boston,” he told her with a nod as he dared to brush a lock of hair from her cheek. He was looking for any excuse to touch her and he knew it. He had to store up a lifetime of memories in those few precious moments. “It’s easy to get lost in a crowd and no one pays any attention to a small claims attorney.”

“So you did go to Harvard?” she asked with surprise. It had been one of the places that she had checked regularly.

He nodded again. “Under the name of Thomas Ming. It has been my alias for the last twenty years. I guess I’m going to have to pick a new one now.”

“But why would you need to if your father isn’t going to interfere any longer?”

Hyun shook his head. “The Chon name is still too well known. I’d rather get lost in the crowd.”

Rachel studied his face. She didn’t remember him as being such a pacifist. He was generally the one that leapt into the action whenever he could. Of course, she only had the memories of his teen years to go by. She supposed that it had been a gradual change over the years. “I’m not going to see you again, am I?” she asked.

He smiled as he held one of her hands in both of his. That was so like her. She always went for the heart. “You never know,” he told her as his gaze left their joined hands and rose to her eyes again. “I’m going back to a simpler place and time.” His smile broadened as he became inspired. “I’ve got a one way ticket back,” he tested her. They had loved to play music trivia.

“I’d rather live in his world than live without him in mine,” she quoted the lyrics of the Midnight Train To Georgia as she searched his face. Was he giving her a clue as to where he was heading or what he was feeling? “I use to think that song was written to mock me.” She wasn’t in the least surprised that he had identified with that song as well. They had been so in tune back then. She thought about what she would have traded to be with Hyun and their son. She would have given anything. But not anymore. “That’s the way that I feel about Harvey now,” she whispered and actually thought she saw him flinch.

He nodded slowly, holding her gaze. “From what I know of him, he seems like a good man. And, unless I miss my guess, it looks like he makes you happy.” He could only manage half a smile. He had foolishly hoped that he would still be that man for her. The one that made her happy. He had hoped that he would be leaving with his family intact. But, at least he had planned for the other outcome. “I have something for you,” he said softly as he walked back over to the door where he had left an old shoebox.

He stared down at the box as he stood by her bed once more. There were so many things inside that he thought he would never part with, but Rachel deserved to have them. He had the memories. He could part with the mementoes. “This box is filled with pictures and whatnot from Samuel’s life,” he told her and heard her stifled sob, but he couldn’t look at her. Not again. “They’re things that I thought that you would have kept if you had been given the chance. His baby shoes, a picture he drew...” he couldn’t go on when she continued to weep. It broke his heart to know that he had anything to do with robbing her of raising her own son. Instead, he placed his hand behind her neck and pressed his cheek against hers. There was so much history. So much to be sorry for. So much sorrow. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against her ear. He had fought against his father’s influence for years. In the end, he had to become what he detested to be free.

Harvey straightened when Hyun walked out of Rachel’s room. They locked eyes for a long moment. It was an instant in time when the past met the future and they both knew it. Harvey’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought the entire floor could hear it. Should he be so happy that someone else looked so miserable?

When Hyun turned away, Harvey didn’t waste any time in going into see Rachel. Tears were streaming down her face as she continued to pull items out of the box on her lap, adding to the odd assortment of things scattered out on the bed. “Rach,” Harvey said her name tentatively. He felt like he had intruded on an extremely private moment.

She looked up at him for the first time as she clutched at a swatch from a baby blanket. “He’s my baby,” she told him, then was wracked with sobs again.

Harvey wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face in his chest. He had felt so betrayed when he discovered that Anna had kept he birth of their son from him for the first year of his life. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how Rachel felt at missing the first eighteen years.

Rachel fought to collect herself. She couldn’t stop looking through the box. She had to see everything that was inside. She had to see what she had missed. When she pulled out a photograph of Samuel with his father huddled over him, she stared at Hyun’s face for a long moment, then pulled out of Harvey’s embrace. “Wait a minute,” she began, her tears drying instantly. “Hyun said that his father would never bother me again.”

Harvey nodded once, a little confused at why that should be an astonishing revelation. “That’s good to hear,” he said tentatively.

“No, you don’t understand.” She looked up at him as the urgency of her words threatened to spill out in a muddle. “There’s only one way that Yong Cha will never bother me again,” she told him, then her mouth dropped open. He had been dropping her hints from the moment that he walked into the room and she had missed them. Her emotions had clouded her instincts. “Harvey, I think Hyun may have killed his father.”

* * *

Victoria closed her eyes as she breathed in the salt air from the balcony of Nash’s fourth story apartment. She had a splendid view of the ocean and the soothing rush of the wind did wonders for her frayed emotions. As her life began to reach a climax, she wanted nothing more than to be sitting in her Oriental garden at home. She had thought that, when the time came, she would be looking forward to her freedom from Cruz Montipinia. Instead, she wanted to hide herself away in her tiny sanctuary and wait until the madness was over.

Nash was the one factor that she hadn’t counted on. She had needed someone with the courage and the cunning to rid herself of her connections to the drug lords. Nash was that man. But, when it came in a package of light brown hair, a smile to melt knees and charm that a snake would envy, she was in danger of losing what little control she had left.

You’re being ridiculous, she thought. He’s just a man.

She was certain that her attraction was merely the lure of the forbidden. The classic excuse that opposites attract. He was a San Francisco Police Officer and she was a woman with a questionable past. It didn’t matter that her past wasn’t of her choosing. It was as much a part of her as her hands or her eyes, just as Nash’s past was a part of him.

She drew a deep breath as her eyes opened to stare out at the distant waves once more. She knew that there wasn’t any hope for a future with Nash, but even that knowledge wasn’t enough to remove him from her thoughts. From the moment that they had met, he had been working his way into her consciousness, invading her dreams. Her only defense had been her quick wit, but even that was failing her.

Perhaps it was the fact that Nash was something that she couldn’t have, she speculated. Perhaps that was why she wanted him so much. But it was a moot point. Now he was expecting her to live in his home and she simply didn’t know how to deal with that.

She smiled to herself as she looked down at her hands pressed against the cold concrete circling the six-by-ten feet of space that made up the balcony. Her excuses were as much of an illusion as she was. There wasn’t anything real about her anymore. She had changed herself so much that she couldn’t even trust her own feelings. She had worked so hard to make a nitch for herself in the California social scene that she lost her soul somewhere along the way. Nash only served to make that fact more poignant.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Nash asked as he stopped next to the open glass door leading out to the balcony. When she glanced back over her shoulder at him, then returned to her vigil of the sea, he took that as a yes. He stepped out onto the balcony, resting an elbow on the low wall as he looked over at her. Everything had been going so beautifully that afternoon that he was baffled by her sudden change of mood. “What happened out on the beach today?” he asked and saw her stiffen, but she didn’t comment.

He sighed heavily as he looked out over the water as well. “I need to know that you can handle this, Tory. A lot of people are putting themselves on the line for you. I need to know that you can hold up your end before this goes any further.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, Nash,” she assured him as she tucked a wayward wisp of hair behind her ear. “I’ve been playing with the big dogs long enough to know what’s expected of me.”

“You didn’t seem to know what to expect this afternoon,” he returned as he looked over his shoulder at her.

Her eyes dropped back to her hands as she lightly tapped them against the railing. “Don’t push me Nash,” she said softly, then looked back into his eyes. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could go on playing mind games with herself. She had to say something, to let him know how she was feeling for the sake of her sanity. “I’m having a hard time separating what’s going on between us now with what was happening between us on the boat.”

When his eyes darted away from hers, she smiled halfheartedly as she looked back out over the horizon. She had been right. Her feelings weren’t mutual. Somehow, the knowledge wasn’t at all comforting. “Don’t worry about it,” she told him. “It’s my problem.”

He studied her profile for a long moment. He wasn’t one to give into emotions over reasoning. When he had discovered that she was as much of a player as he was, he had assumed that her interest in him had merely been to rid herself of Cruz Montipinia. He had been kicking himself for being sucked in so easily. It never occurred to him that her feelings might be genuine.

Reaching out, he lightly touched his fingers to her cheek so that she would look at him. “It’s not just your problem, Tory,” he returned and saw the fleeting spark of hope in her eyes, but only for an instant, then it was gone.

“Don’t do this, Nash,” she whispered, her words pushing him away even when her body couldn’t. “We both know that you can’t afford to get involved with me so please don’t say anything that’s going to make this harder. Besides, neither one of us was really there, where we Mr. Malone?” she said lightly to remind him of the subterfuge that marked their relationship from the beginning. “It was just an illusion we created. That’s the best that players like us can hope for.”

When she walked away, disappearing back into the apartment, Nash curled his fingers into his palm, then had to force his lungs to pull in air. In his head, he knew that she was right, but it was the explosion in his chest that overwhelmed him. He hadn’t known until that moment how real everything had truly been. Following her inside, he grabbed her arm when she would have walked into the kitchen with their forgotten coffee mugs from that morning in her hands. “Does this feel like an illusion to you?”

The coffee mugs crashed to the floor as Nash’s arm encircled her and his lips met hers with all of the passion that they had been denying themselves. Victoria’s fingers dug roughly into his hair as she clung to him. She cried out in relief, in anguish, in despair and it was devoured by his mouth. There was no hope left. No future. No past. Only his hands on her body, pulling her close, molding her against him.

Her fingers were at the front of his shirt and his buttons went flying a second later as she ripped the two sides apart. She was completely lost in her need for him. Nothing else mattered. She had to feel his skin against hers, her hands greedily pushing his shirt from his shoulders so that they could roam over his body unheeded.

Her shirt received the same treatment from Nash, then he crushed her against him. She was liquid silk and molten lava, matching his every movement as he backed her into his bedroom. Her hands fumbled with his belt as his inched up her thighs, bringing up the edge of her skirt. Their desperation for each other made their first union one of rage. When he became a part of her, she cried out again, his urgency branding her as her legs wrapped around his waist to bring him closer. Each kiss, every touch was a punishment for caring. For being so perfect, yet so wrong.

Then he stilled, his breathing heavy as he continued to hold her firmly against him. It was too late to think of consequences, of how that should not be happening, but Victoria deserved better than his primitive lusts. No matter who her associates were, she was someone to be cherished, not taken like an animal in heat. His hands gently touched each side of her face as he stared into her eyes. Tenderly, his lips brushed against hers and he felt her body quiver.

“Nash.” She softly whispered his name as she buried her face in the crook of his shoulder. She couldn’t look at him. She would betray her very soul if she looked into his eyes any longer.

He rolled onto his side, leaning on his elbow as he looked down into her face. His fingers lightly following the path of his eyes against her skin. Then his lips began to accentuate his touch as he slowly removed what little clothing that was left between them.

Victoria moaned achingly as her skin prickled against the line of fire he traced with his fingers and lips. His tenderness was such exquisite torture that she could feel the tears burning at her eyes. She knew then that she loved him and a single drop escaped to stamp her own ruin as she envisioned a life shrouded in the memory of that moment. But she would not allow her sorrow to overtake her. She would have an eternity to mourn what could have been. For now, Nash was hers and she was going to love him with every fiber of her being.

With legs and arms still tangled, they took comfort in each other’s arms. Neither wanted to voice the futility of their union. It was a last desperate attempt to hold onto the illusion. “I know that this can’t go anywhere,” Victoria whispered, then shifted to lean on her elbow so that she could look down into his eyes. “Too much stands between us.” Her fingers lightly grazed his cheek, then traced the outline of his lips. “But I wouldn’t trade this time together for anything.”

She gave him a smile, then kissed his lips briefly before sliding out of bed and disappearing into the bathroom. Nash stared at the ceiling as he put a hand behind his head. He had made so many mistakes in the last several days. Victoria was everything that he wanted and everything that he fought against at the same time. He must have been insane to think that he could protect her without taking her to bed. There was too much energy between them. Their relationship had been electric from the start and now he had crossed a line that should not have been traversed. Now there was no going back.

* * *