PART 9 - The Al-Anon Groups Continue to Break The Traditions
At the suggestion of the staff member in GSO I had sent a letter of apology to the Al-Anon groups I had been banned from. Again, as with everything in Al-Anon, this had not been simple and straightforward but ended up a mess.
The decision to ban me had been made at the District meeting (hence the reason why I was banned from every group in the district, including Al-Anon groups I had never attended). The letter of apology was therefore sent to the district and had been written with them in mind. The apology was about my being upset at the 1999 Convention as this was the reason for the ban.
However, the District then circulated the letter around the groups and when I was told this I was annoyed about that as the letter had not been written with the groups in mind. I sent a second letter via GSO and asked that it be circulated around the groups. This referred to my being upset at the 1999 Convention and this time included the reason (the deliberate mistakes in "Lois Remembers"). However, this letter was suppressed and not forwarded to the groups.
I contacted GSO and was told to liaise with the local Al-Anon Information Centre. When I contacted the local Al-Anon Information Centre I was told that a decision could not be expected for at least four months in order to allow the Al-Anon groups to hold group conscience meetings to discuss whether I could attend or not.
Now it is worth noting, and this is important for the victims of alcoholism, that there are certain principles called The Twelve Traditions which are a guide for how the groups ought to function. The Traditions were written to provide solutions to group problems. It is quite simple really - if a problem occurs you refer to The Traditions and that provides the solution.
For example, who can attend an Al-Anon group? Well, Tradition Three states that "the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend". Simple really, you would think.
However, the Al-Anon groups in the district had made a decision not to adhere to the The Twelve Traditions (hence no solution). This was approved and endorsed by GSO and WSO who both stated that every group was autonomous. Meanwhile, they continue to advertise (quite expensively) that the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend thereby luring other unsuspecting people into attending the groups, and accepting no responsibility for what the groups do.
Well, the groups held their group conscience meetings and four months later I contacted the Al-Anon Information Centre and was told that the groups needed more time to make a decision. Two months later I was contacted by the Area Delegate who advised me that the groups had held group conscience meetings and I was still banned from attending.
I was later told by another Al-Anon representative that at these group conscience meetings there were newcomers and other members who had not been to the 1999 Convention and therefore did not know what the fuss was about and more importantly, and this is important for the victims of alcoholism, they had never met me and therefore had to rely on hearsay and gossip about my reputation (which I am sure was relayed to them with the typical Al-Anon compassion I have come to expect). These people were in the majority but as they did not know me when it came to voting to permit me to attend the group (forget about Tradition Three) they abstained and the other members who had been to the 1999 Convention, and were in the minority, voted to continue to ban me. Therefore, the ban was upheld.
At this stage I was desperate and almost off my head. All I could think of was I need to get to a meeting to sort myself out, I've said I'm sorry - what is their problem? However, I now realise that the typical Al-Anon member is an extremely embittered person and they do not accept amends. Because they are not a member of a recovery program (nowhere does the word "recovery" appear in The Twelve Traditions of Al-Anon - it does in the other program, but I digress) they have no recovery and are therefore incapable of practising the program.
Lois Wilson, in "Lois Remembers" did say that Al-Anon members needed the other program and that they only experienced recovery in Al-Anon once they had been to the other program. She herself was a member of the other program so she knew what she was talking about.
Anyway, I contacted GSO, and the Al-Anon Information Centre saying that I really needed to get to a meeting. Attending Al-Anon had begun a process and the ban was really messing it up, and making life difficult for me. I was finding it hard to cope.
I got the usual "every group is autonomous" speech and "Al-Anon does not police the groups" etc.
In the meantime the groups were asked to continue to hold group conscience meetings the minority voted to continue to ban me, the majority abstained and so on and so forth. This went on for another year. I'm not sure whether they are still holding group conscience meetings. I've stopped asking.
The next stage in the way Al-Anon functions (in its usual indifferent, couldn't-care-less, bureaucratic way) is that the "problem" next goes to Area if District can't resolve it. In the meantime, the annual Al-Anon Conference was due to be held. I had wanted my Concept V appeal to be heard there but GSO advised that it had to go through Area first which meant that it would be at least another year before it could be heard there as Area were not due to meet before the Conference (as it turned out it was going to be at least another two years). Still no Al-Anon meetings.
However, although my Concept V appeal would not be heard at Conference (yet) there was a facility known as Area Highlights where Area Delegates could discuss concerns. I made use of that option and sent a letter to the Area Delegate outlining the problems the ban was causing me and asking what could be done to resolve it.
So I next waited (with baited breath and tightly gritted teeth, well I was in a lot of emotional pain - no meetings!) the response of Conference and the Area...