Quotes I Wish I'd Thought Up

A Waist is a Terrible Thing to Mind

I Do Not Have an Attitude Problem — You Have a Perception Problem.

I Used to Think I Was Undeceive . . . Now I’m Not So Sure.

My Reality Check Just Bounced

A Conclusion is Simply the Place Where You Got Tired of Thinking.

Don’t Be So Open-Minded That Your Brains Fall Out

Life is Like a Roller- Coaster . . . When It’s Good You Don’t Want to Get Off, When It’s Bad You Can’t Wait to Throw-up.

Follow Your Dreams!!  (Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a firedrill.)

It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn! (so if you are going to steal the neighbors newspaper — that’s the time to do it.)

I Love Cats!  (They taste like chicken)

When you arrive at a fork in the road . . . Take it!

To Err is Human — To blame it on someone else is even more human!

I like you — But I don’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

Some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them.

The world has enough youth . . .  How about a fountain of “smart”?

Always Be Sincere! (Even if you don’t mean it.)

In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on.  This person must be fired.

If only we’d stop trying to be happy —  We could have a pretty good time. — Edith Wharton

If we aren’t suppose to eat animals . . . Why are they made of meat?

Is it paranoia if they are really after you?

I Do Not Suffer From Insanity! (I enjoy every minute of it.)

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a  million times . . . Never exaggerate!!

Don’t Judge a Book By It’s Movie

A Day Without Sunshine is like . . . You know — Night!

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

A person who can smile when everything is going wrong. . . Has thought of someone he can blame it on.

A Fool and His Money are My Kind of Date.

Where are we going?  And why am I in this handbasket?

Friends Help you move -- Real friends help you move bodies.

I am not in denial, I'm just selective about the reality I accept.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea -- They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

I can't complain -- But sometimes I still do.

I wish I'd said these funny things, but I didn't.  In fact, I have absolutely no clue who did.  If you said it and it's "copyrighted" I give my sincerest apologies and hope you can just deal with it.