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I was pregnant with my second child at the 18 week sonogram they could not see part of the heart.  The doctors made us come back weekly until 23 weeks (in the meantime they told us they were 99 %  sure there was nothing wrong).  At 23 weeks they said there was something wrong with the babies aorta - then they stated that it was probaly a missing chamber and Down Syndrome.  After an amnio we found this not to be true.  It was recommended that we go to a babies hosptial who are experts in congenital heart problems.  After meeting with the specialists and having more sonograms our son was diagnosed with common arterial trunk (no differences between the aorta and pulmonary arteries).  They said when he was born he could have open heart surgery at their hospital, where the doctors were supposed to be the best with this condition.  He was born 1/12/99, Jason Ryan never left the hospital.  He had surgery 1/22/99.  The nurses told us he was doing great after surgery "we had nothing to worry about".  We got a call at 3:00 am that he was in arrest and died 1/23/99.
I got pregnant (probaly to soon) in April 1999 at a sonogram in 10/99 to check the babies heart (which was perfect) they told me this baby had acrania (no brain covering) that the baby would die.  They also informed me that I would get sick if I did not terminate this pregnancy.  We miss our angels very much and a day does not go by that I don't wonder what they would be doing today. 1-23-99 and 10-99
My little girl was born on April 18, 1995 weighing 6lbs and 8 ozs.  She had a cleft lift and cleft palate.  Her kidneys were very small and the midline of her brain was missing.  She was in intensive care for 32 days and got to come home on May 20, 1995.  She died in my arms that night aroound 7:00pm. Her name was Rebecca Dawn.  People tell me time will heal and it has...some.  The holidays are very hard.  My mom told me once that it is like a knife stuck in your heart.  As the heart heals around it the pain goes away some but you have to be careful how you turn or the knife will cut more. 4-18-95
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My Casey was 28 months old whe she drowned while being watched by a relative.  She fell into a swimming pool, probaly hitting her head eing knocked unconscious before actually drowning.  Between the two hospitals they tried to bring her back for over 6 hours before her lungs finally gave out and they had to give up.  They said she was either already dead or close to it when they pulled her out of the water but how could they not try.  The angel blowing kisses reminds me of her.  She left behind so many broken hearts.  Everyone she came in contact with fell in love with her.  She was a kind, caring child and smart beyond her years.  She was more like a 5 year old than her actual age.  The thing I find hardest to accept is that she was not a "normal child", SHE knew she would leave us and how.  From the time she was born she did not like the water, her bath, to swim alone or even to play in the water hose.  For two weeks before she died she would wake up crying, "My feet mommy, my feet."  She would never tell me what was wrong, i just thought it was growing pains.  One of the few things I remember the doctors saying is "If she would have only left her shoes on the hypothermia wouldn't have set in so fast and we would have had a chance."  She always had a cherub beauty, chubby rosy cheeks and a glow that I thought was because she was a happy and loved child.  She had big blue eyes and long golden curls.   She started each day with a "good morning" and ended each night curled up in my arms.  I think the sweetest thing was she never asked to be held she always said "I want to hold you."  The day she died she clung to me like she was cherishing every second.  At one point she climbed into my lap and was hugging my neck and kissing my face.  I laughed and tickled her asking what I had done to deserve all this loving.  She said "I love you mommy, so so much."  That was an hour before I dropped her off at the sitters.  I miss her so much.
                                
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My story while sad has a lesson in it.  I lost my first baby by my own hand, stupid teenager that I was.  God gave me a second chance six months after I was married, I lost it.  I never knew if it was a boy or girl but I know in my heart it was a boy.
You see as a teen, I had a life full of alcohol and drugs, also by my own had and again stupid.  It cost me the one thing I loved most my baby.  The doctors told me I would never have kids for I had destroyed my body.
I 1980 I married my high school sweetheart hoping that I could still get pregnant.  I didn't tell him what the doctor had said.  We lived in Massachusettes then.  We moved to Pittsburgh (our hometown) and started building our own home.  My mom always said new house, new baby but I felt like this would never happen to me.  My new docotr said so.  God gave me another chance, when our block work on our house was done, I became violently ill.  To make a long story short, I was pregnant.  I was so excited I told the world.  My daughter was born in May and the docotor said no more, be happy with your baby girl...seven months to the day I was pregnat again and nine months later another baby girl.  Now I call my girls my miracle babies but from time to time I still think of my unborn babies.  So if I had the chance to talk to my babies I would say "I love you so much, I just wish I could turn back the hands of the clock but sice I can't I will see you in time, I love you!
This is my story of survival and love, I share it with you and all who have experieced what I have.
I was just 16, when I lost my first child.  I was 4 1/2 months into my pregnancy.  No one knew except me and my boyfriend (now my husband).  We were so excited about having the baby, Nick so sure it would be a son.  Then the night I started to have the miscarriage, was so scary, I didn't know what was wrong or what to do.  After I got to the hospital the doctor had told me that I had lost the baby due to an unknown cause  I was devastated, all I could do was cry.... The next morning they took me in to have a D&C and make sure I was okay.  But after you lose a child your never the same.  From the minute you find out your pregnant you get this instant bond with the life inside you, no matter how small it may be.  Years have passed since then, even though I now have two beautiful children, I still sit and think about the one God took from me and wonder why he did.  I know that my child is in Heaven with the Lord and is being taken care of.  And I now cherish every moment I have with my son and daughter, beause we never know what the Lord may have in store for us next.
I love you sweetheart and think of you alot.  And one day I know I will see you again.
Rose
We were so excited to learn we were pregnant.  We had been married for three years and this seemed to be a natural extension of our love for each other.  At 12 weeks we found out we were expecting twins.  We were ecstatic.  We began to make plans and buy baby items.  I felt fine and was looking forward to having tiny feet to pitter pat through out hom and children to hold and love.
When I woke up one morning and found blood on the toilet tissue, I immediatley had a terrible feeling.  I knew this couldn't be good.  Upon calling the doctors office, they did not seem concerned but said come in and we would check and ease my mind.  Once i got there, things began spinning out of control.  They could not find heartbeats and immediately did an ultrasound.  There was no movement and no heartbeats.  My babies had died.  They were victims of twin to twin transfusion.  I delivered my twins and held their tiny bodies in my arms.  The pain I felt then is still deep.  I love your darlings and miss you more than anything. 
Me and my long time sweetheart had our first baby while we were still very young.  I was 18- he was 21. Everything went very well.  I had never felt better.  I gave birth to her at 37 1/2 weeks, she wt. 6 lbs & 15 ozs and 19 inches long.  When she turned 2, I was ready to give her a little playmate.  It took forever to get pregnant again but I did.  They were going to be 3 1/2 years apart.  Everything was going so well.  And I remember just like it was yesterday - on Marth the 15th I felt my baby move for the very first time.  It moved often for the next 2 weeks..  Then on April the 1st it didn't move, but I didn't get to upset yet, but as a day or 2 went by I told my "sweetheart" (now husband).  I was worried but he thought I was just to busy with our daughter and that I just wasn't remembering every movement.  On April the 7th(Easter Sunday) I told my mother in law that I had not felt the baby move and again no one would hear me out.  So the very next day, I called my "best" friend Sherry and told her and I started to cry and then she knew something must really be wrong!  So she told me to call the Dr., on three way I called the Dr. and the lady that answered the phone what was going on and I wanted an ultrasound!!  She told me most people do not even feel the baby move until they are 21 to 23 weeks and I was only 20 weeks, so everything was okay.  All I could do was cry.  I felt like no one in this world would listen to me.  AFter the lady said that, I didn' hear to much more that she said, but my friend said that she said,  "You have an ultrasound appointment for April 18, so come in then and we will reassure you that everything is okay.  So on  the 18th, I couldnt' get anyone to go with me to the Dr. My mom was at work, my husband was at work and after 3 months of training that was the day the left him go on his own.  My aunt didn't feel good but somehow I talked my aunt unto keeping my daughter and her granddaughter so her daughter could go with me (remember everyone thought I was over reacting). So we went and I laid down and told "donna" to please hold my hand and hold it tight! The ultrasound lady was very quiet and acted funny to me, so I asked "Is everything alright?"  She said I'm getting measurements right now but she wasnt saying anything and it was taking her forever.  So finally she asked me "Have you ever felt this baby move?"  I started crying and saying I tried to telyou all..... I said that over and over again.  She said there is no heartbeat.  My whole word came to a stand still at that very moment!!!  My ultrasound appointment was at 1:45 and by 2:!5 they sent me over to the hospital where they told me I was 22 1/2 weeks but the baby was only 19 weeks and 3 days.  They would not believe I wasn't sick or having any kind of symptoms.  They had to put me into labor.  After 3 days and a lot of unbearable pain I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  She weighed 1 pound and 2 1/2 ounces and was 9 inches long.  It was the hardest thing I have ever went through.  And leaving the hosptial empty handed like to have killed me!!!  And to soon after (In the end of september), I got pregnant again and at 6 weeks into the pregnancy I started spoting, 2 days later I miscarried again.  This was in the first week of October of 1996.  Me and my husband finally got to show and share a new baby girl with our daughter (who was now 5 1/2 years old) on April 24, 1998.  And then again we got to share a son with the girls on June 9, 2000.  And no matter how many babies we can have, it will never replace our little "Angel Lashae" .  I named her Angel because she looked like one!!! and we will never forget the other baby we lost either!! I miss and love it just as much!! And some day I'll get to hold them both in my arms but for now they are being held tight in our hearts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1