Dear Tammy ~ This web page is a gift to you in remembrance ofyour precious angel, Tanner, for his birthday. I hope you like what we have
put together for you. Angel hugs, Maria
Tanner Jason Tobac
Became an angel on September 30, 1999
Wrote down an infant's birth
And mentioned as he closed the book
........too beautiful for earth.
Like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment
Its beauty and glory belong to our world
But then it flies on again;
And though we wish it could have stayed
We feel so lucky to have seen it.
Letters, raised up in polished bronze
My fingers touch the half of the circle
that spells your name
Tanner Jason Tobac
Beautiful blue skies
sunshine warmly touching the earth
others would rejoice
I sit upon my brother's grave
Feeling letters that spell
Thomas G. Dolby
Tommy
Uncle Tommy
Now embracing Tanner
Oh who would you be if you were here with me?
Death in its unfairness has taken you both.
Together here you lay.
I sit upon these stones
and let the warm tears fall
and dream of a life with you in it.
Today...
Tanner now 9 years old
Tommy thirty-eight.
And all I can do is touch the letters
that spell your names.
Written by Tammy Tobac
in loving memory of my brother Tommy Dolby
and in loving memory of my son, Tanner Jason Tobac,
born into the arms of Jesus 9/30/99
Please visit Tommy's web page by clicking on the guitar below!
A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY
Today is a special birthday.
Make them understand that
The memories don't go away.
Bless them, with ears to hear and hearts that care.
Enable them to listen while I share.
Shelter them that they may never know my pain.
Help them to help me know that my child's life was not in vain.
Help them to remember, Lord that I wish
That my child was here
So we could still celebrate.
To understand that I still
Feel the nearness of my child.
To see beyond my smile and the words, "I'm okay."
Please God, just let one remember today
Is a special birthday!
Many happy returns on the day of thy birth
May sunshine and happiness be given
And may the Dear Lord prepare you on earth
For the beautiful birthday in heaven.
author unknown
To feel you nurse and to see your eyes open and peering back at me,
nestled in the afghan I crocheted for you.
To hear you cry in the middle of the night and to scoop you up
and safely hold you in my arms.
To see which brother you would look more like...Zane or Shane.
To see you napping sweetly on Daddy's chest while he watches tv,
your tiny little arms dangling at his sides.
To touch your tiny toes and feel your hand grasp my one little finger.
To see your brothers hold you and take pictures
of their new baby brother in their eager waiting arms.
To bathe you with Neutrogena soap and brush your baby soft hair,
and rub you all over with Baby Magic lotion and smell that sweet newborn smell.
To feed you your first cereal from a spoon
and see the scrunchy face you would make.
To dress you as a peapod for Halloween.
To give you gifts at Christmas and see your name
hanging from a stocking on the mantle.
To make you our Baby New Year ~ just as your brother's before you.
To smother you with Valentine Kisses and let you taste chocolate.
To see the Easter Bunny holding you.
To wiggle your little body into the pool at summertime.
To take you on a boat ride and watch you gently fall asleep
to the waves on the river.
To hold your hand as you learn to walk.
To hear your first words, would they be Mama or Dada.
To blow out the candles on your first birthday cake
and let you play in the icing.
These are the dreams that never came true.
To know that the rest of the world will not forget you Tanner
and that even if only for a breath of my life, I held an angel in my arms.
I shall always be your Mama, and blow you kisses to Heaven each night
before I go to sleep...
and hopefully these dreams will come to me as I slumber.
~ Written for Tanner by his mom, Tammy Tobac,
Copyright Oct. 26, 1999
If I were to pretend that you never did exist,
that I never felt you kick,
that I never heard your heartbeat,
that I never saw your image on an ultrasound screen...
Would this empty aching feeling depart from my soul?
Or am I destined to spend the remainder of days
searching for little boys
that are the age you should be right now,
first months, then years or twenty three.
It truly doesn't matter, for you are not here with me.
I know I can't pretend
to break a bond as strong as this.
My son, my son ~
although you only dwelled within
and I had to say good-bye before I ever said hello...
If this be your destiny
that from earth you were truly meant to go...
I will savor the moments
when I did feel you kick,
when I did hear your heartbeat,
when I saw your image moving on an ultrasound screen...
and know this empty aching feeling
will become a part of me.
Just as your gentle spirit, lives on inside my soul.
I must learn to live with peacefully,
this is our destiny.
No,
I could never pretend that you never did exist...
for you have shaped my very being,
and I will always be your Mama...
for the bond will not be broken,
not by pain, not tears shed, nor sorrow.
Our time will come...tomorrow.
For my Tanner Jason
Love, Mama
a smile plastered on my face.
Feeling joy, feeling peace,
and what I thought was happiness.
But oh you've found me,
hunted me down
wrestled to the ground,
so profound...
Grief is your name.
And hide as I may
you always seem to find me,
unprotected,
unaware,
I never even know you're there.
Until you hit me
heavy touch
I miss my baby oh so much.
Nowhere to run,
there's no escape.
It's time to be in that dark place,
where tears will flow
and my heart ache.
Grief is your name.
There is no mistake.
And even though I know
tomorrow you will let me go,
for today,
I will feel the pain
and wish he were in my arms again.
One day I will feel the sunshine,
but for now it is the rain.
Life will never be the same...
the hunter is now in the game.
Grief is your name.
Written with love and tears
missing my Tanner
Even though you must remain so very far away.
A love as strong as this, I've never felt before;
But you had to go away, up through heaven's door.
You'll never have to suffer, or feel pain or hate,
just peace and love and happiness - God has given you this fate.
I hope that you can feel just how much I care;
And, when my days are over, in a flash - I will be there.
Pure unbounding joy! We'll never have to part.
You'll be right by my side - and not just in my heart.
But, until that day, when my dream is real -
I think I understand, just how I should feel...
"Mom, I am fine!" this must be what you would say -
"Please don't be sad, we'll meet again one day:
I'm with God above - so don't cry for me,
Our parting is but a moment compared to eternity.
You just could not stay.
This world could not hold you
And so soon you went away.
Like a rare and precious rose,
Your lovely soul can't die.
Budded here upon the earth,
Now it will bloom on high.
You are a child of heaven
And will forever be
In the arms of Jesus
For all eternity.
for love itself lives on.
Cherished memories never fade,
because one loved is gone.
Those we love can never be,
more than a thought apart,
for as long as there is a memory,
they live on in our heart.
~ Anonymous
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you from,
All around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us,
can't be broken,
I will be here,
don't you cry
Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say,
You'll be here in my heart
Always
Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust, what they can't explain
I know we're different, deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
Cos do they know
We need each other
To have to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you,
You must be strong
I may not be with you,
But you got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
Cos' you'll be in my heart
Believe me you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more
Oh you'll be in my heart you'll be here in my heart
No matter what they see
I'll be with you here in my heart
I'll be there,
Always
Always
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there for you....
God Bless you
Ann, Laurasmom
A friend can hear a tear drop. 
Benjimans Site Map
for Tanner's birthday ~ In Memory of Tanner
And don't forget to visit Tanner's Christmas Page
An Angel gone too soon from this earth
Loved and missed by mom and dad
More then diamonds and gold you are worth
One day their hearts will be glad
May our Dear Lord rock you in his arms until
your mommy and daddy are with you again
Please be their guardian angel till then
Love
Ann, Laurasmom
