Tamulah's Story

In Loving Memory of Tamulah Messiah O'Connor McCoy
February 9, 2000 - November 7, 2002

The name Tamulah is Arabic and it means "Servant of God."

Tamulah was born on February 9, 2000, on the day he was due with no problems at all. He actually came so fast no one even knew I was in labor. I had an appointment at the doctor's at 9:00 and when I got there I went into labor and had enough time to find my mom who also had an appointment in the same hospital to take me to Christiana Hospital and deliver him at 11:17 a.m. No one could believe I went to my regular appointment and had a baby before anyone was even awake. For the first few months Mulah slept all the time. All he did was eat, sleep and poop. When he decided to wake up it was getting warm out so I would sit out front with him on the swing and swing him all day long while the other kids would play and swim. We did that all summer long so that is where it started. I had him in my arms for so long that we got really close and he didn't see his real dad at all so I kept him even closer because I didn't want him to want or even think about a dad and get hurt by it in any way.

As he grew he got to be all boy. He was a little daredevil and not afraid of anything. We moved from our family house when he was about 1-1/2 just around the corner in the neighborhood that me and my kids have grown up in. When we moved my boyfriend who I knew forever and became more then friends with when Mulah was only about two months old came with us. One morning Mulah woke up (he slept with us), woke up Turk my boyfriend and told him "Daddy I Love You!" So from that day on Turk was his daddy. He loved Turk and Turk loved him, I didn't have to worry about him asking and wondering about his real dad because he knew nothing about him at all. He believed Turk was his dad and no one could tell him different. I always wanted him to know his dad and for his dad to want him but I would not force it. I tried to keep him from ever thinking he was not wanted because I wanted no matter what the circumstances were that he got here. I gave up my life as it was supposed to be to have him.

When he was 2 years and 2 months old his dad did come into his life and wanted to see him so I let him go without any questions. He never even heard his dad's name let alone saw or knew him but I let them take him because that was his dad and I didn't want to be the reason why he did not know his dad. I never forced him on Jimmy which now I think I should of but I didn't want to be the one to stop him from seeing him when he finally wanted to. Jimmy tried hard to get to know him. When he started coming around he came all most every weekend and some days during the week for him. No matter how much Mulah cried to come home to his mom or bad as he would he would keep him. Mulah liked his stepmom Rachel and would follow her around asking her to take him to his mom she would tell me. They told me even before he died he was a momma's boy and he didn't want anyone but me. I would miss him after he was gone a day and call them to bring him home. I know it wasn't fair to Jimmy because he wanted to know him so bad but like I said he slept with me at night every night and it was too quiet without him. We did everything together; he was my little shadow. He went to the bathroom with me, he got in the bath with me; anything I did he did with me. I have three older kids and one younger than him and I hate to say it but no relationship even with my own children are as close as me and him were.

This is a beautiful and loving gift for Angel Tamulah from my dear friend, Carol, mom to Angel Michael.

This picture is all my kids - Tamulah of course, the big boy is wowo (Warren), the skinny girl is Aliyah,
the chubby girl is Sidonni and of course the baby is Tiahsa.

The picture at the top is Tamulah with his baby brother Jimmy and then underneath is Tamulah with
his big sister Renae from his Dad, Jimmy. These are the only pictures of him with them.

MULAH WAS A SINGER AND HIS FAVORITE COMERCIAL WAS ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM AS SOON AS IT CAME ON HE WOULD BE ALL EXCITED AND START JUMPING AROUND SINGING ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM... SO WHEN I SEE THE ELMO I THINK OF HIM TELLING ELMO TO ZOOM. AFTER HE PASSED A COMMERCIAL CAME ON AND IT WAS A CAR COMMERCIAL I FELT IT IN MY HEART I SAID ALOUD TO TURK PLEASE DON'T ZOOM AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM, THE NEW MAZDA 6 COMMERCIAL. IT TORE ME UP BUT NOW I SEE THAT COMMERCIAL AND CLOSE MY EYES AND JUST SEE HIM JUMPING AROUND SINGING ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM.

Tamulah was so smart, he loved to read. He would make me read him book after book so many times he rememberd two of them and could read them himself. His dad Turk taught him how to box and he would say to me, "mom wanna box" and pow! before I knew it, a little fist in my eye. My only regret on Mulah's life is that it wasn't longer. I could not of loved him any more then I did and I could not of spent any more time with him then I did. I only wish Jimmy got to know him and love him the way we did. I know if it was different he would of been a great dad to him, but Mulah also got lucky to have two dads that loved him so in the beginning when I thought it hurt him he ended up a really lucky boy. Jimmy would tell me that he would be fine playing and then all the sudden he would look really sad. He said he didn't even want to ask 'cause he already knew, but he would ask anyway and he would bust out crying I want my mom! I know how much my baby loved me and I loved him just as much. My life will NEVER be the same without him. Not a day that goes by that is not filled with tears for me not ever being able to see his sweet face again or feel him rub my ear while he falls asleep. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing as long as I finish this life and raise my children, I too will die one day and that is the day I will see my baby again and I will cry no more.

TAMULAH'S PRAYER

BENEATH THE AMBER GLOW
OF THE NEWLY RISING SUN OR STANDING ON THE HILLSIDE
WHEN THE DAY IS NEARLY DONE.
RIDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY
WHEN MY WORKDAY IS AT END
OR SITTING ON A PARK BENCH TALKING TO A FRIEND.
NO MATTER WHERE I AM IN LIFE
NO MATTER WHAT MY TASK,
PLEASE GIVE ME PEACE OF MIND, DEAR LORD
THAT IS ALL I ASK
AND WHEN THOSE HAUNTING MEMORIES
OF THE NIGHT HE PASSED AWAY
COME RUSHING IN MY BROKEN HEART
PLEASE DO NOT DELAY
REMIND ME THAT HE IS
IN A FAR, FAR BETTER PLACE
AND GRANT ME A GLIMPSE OF HIS BROWN EYES AND SWEET ANGELIC FACE.
PLEASE GRANT ME REASSURANCE
THAT WE'LL SOMEDAY MEET AGAIN IN HEAVEN'S BRIGHT TOMORROW
IN YOUR NAME I PRAY, AMEN

On Sunday November 3,2002 we woke up in the morning kind of late. We all sat up in my room and just talked. Mulah wanted to go to the store so Turk said he would take him to get dressed. I went downstairs to get Tiasha a bottle and when I was coming upstairs he said "mom I'm dressed." When I got to him he had on jean shorts, a red tank top and his white nike air ones with no laces in them. I just laughed at him he was so cute I told him it was to cold for that and I changed him into jeans, a thermal shirt with a white tee shirt over top of it like the big boys wear, socks and his white air ones with no laces (his favorite shoes his dad Turk just got him). He took the laces out of everyone's shoes and loses them. Turk took him and Sidonni, my four year old daughter, outside to go to the store. I was up getting ready to get Tiasha cleaned and dressed. I walked past the window in the hallway while I was getting a wash cloth to wipe down the baby and saw Mulah standing near Turk's legs and Sidonni in the front seat and thought she sould not be up there but walked away anyway and went in the room. I was just getting her diaper off when someone busted open the door and screamed "Jessie, Mulah got hurt!" I ran down the steps and saw Mulah in a friend's arms, lifeless, with blood coming out of his nose. I just started screaming "God please let him be ok!" I knew it was bad, he wasn't crying, he didn't have his eyes open. Turk was screaming "Mulah! Mulah!" trying to call the ambulance but I don't know it took too long or they didn't answer... I don't know, so we jumped in the car with him and rushed him to the Wilmington Hospital as fast as we could. We pulled up on the side and ran him in. They must have seen us coming or heard me screaming, I don't know. But they opened up the door and took him from us and started cutting off his clothes. They asked what happend but I still didn't really know. All I knew was Donni hit the car out of gear and it ran him over. They took us out of the room and put us in the little room. The cops came by then asking alot of questions and I couldn't even remember my birthday. They got him stable and told us that he had a fractured skull and they would be transporting him to Christiana trauma ICU.

I called my mom and Jimmy, and they all came. Someone called my brother and sister and by the time we got to Christiana, everyone we knew was there. When we got there they finally told us that night that he had very little chance to make it and if he did he probably wouldn't be the same. I was tore up; I could not take it. He only had some scrapes and they said he would most likely die. Jimmy took it really bad when they told us. I thought he was going to tear the hospital apart. They said that there is a better chance if he made it through the first 72 hours. I was so afraid. I prayed and begged God to help him to make him ok and I didn't believe he would die. Me, my mom and Turk stayed there the whole time. Jimmy and Rachel came early in the morning and stayed as late as they could. Everyone else was there during the day; we had there waiting room packed. I just couldn't believe he would die... I loved that boy so much; what would I do without him with me. He told me when I get old he was going to take care of me because his big brother said I was going to the old folks home. He told him "I will keep my mom." I told him "Mulah you can't die, please show them wrong for mommy." They had him in a coma and on a respirator. He looked just like he was asleep, not like he was going to die. I prayed and begged and prayed and begged for something to make him better, I even was willing to not see him if God took me and let him be ok, I just didn't want to live without him. He lived for four days but couldn't fight. I had a dream that he was playing around crawling through bushes and just running around. I could only see him and he started to shake really bad so I grabbed him and held him really tight, then a man's voice, I don't know whose it was, said to me "do you want your son to have to live like this?" and I said, no, and woke up really scared. I called down to see him and they said his nurse was in with him to wait a while so I ended up going in and seeing him around 4:00. They had him propped up and had his boots on him, he looked so peaceful. I just sat and rubbed him and talked to him, I wonder everyday if he could hear us talking to him and knew we were there for him.

I told the nurse I would be back later because she was back in ready to do something else. I went back in the waiting room and just sat there praying God please let him be ok. Ten minutes later the nurse ran in the waiting room screaming I need you now!!!! I was up but everyone else was asleep so I screamed and they all jumped up and we started running down the hall behind her she said his heart is going, do you want us to resusatate him? Do you mean his heart... yes, do whatever. How could a normal healthy little boy's heart be going? So many medications, so many side effects, and he couldn't take it anymore. We ran through the doors and there were so many poeple, nurses and doctors shocking him and pumping his chest. I couldn't believe it. We were all just screaming OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. They kept asking me, what do you want? Do you want us to stop? and I told them no. But I don't want him to suffer so he said tell us to stop and I couldn't tell them to stop, I couldn't let him just die. I prayed and prayed and I went and told Mulah if you are too tired and you can't fight any more then it is ok, but I can't tell them to stop, baby. I told him how much I love him and that I wouldn't be mad but I can't tell them. I looked at the doctor and I told them I can't tell you to stop and he said it's ok. I went out of the room, I couldn't take it anymore. My brother stayed with him the whole time until the last heartbeat and I am eternally grateful for him doing that and not letting my baby die alone, but I just couldn't stand and watch him die. That was the worst thing I have or ever will have to do in my life. It only took a few minutes after I talked to him and he was gone. We got to spend as much time as we wanted. Jimmy didn't get there until he was gone, Turk couldn't breathe it looked like he was having a heart attack. I was numb... everyone but me was crying, even the doctors and nurses. I told them "he is ok now right, he won't suffer right?" and they told me, right. I still can't believe it. I wish I could stay numb forever, but it is going away and I now I am in so much pain knowing he is never coming back agian. I will never see my baby again. How can he be gone I still don't understand. I loved him so much I needed him. He was my baby and he is gone. WHY????? I still can't just accept he is gone and there may be no reason or I just might never know the reason. I still have so many what if's, and why my baby?

We had to drag my brother out of the room 'cause he didn't want to leave his boy there. I didn't want to leave my baby I wish sometimes I could of went with him. I always wonder if he is ok and if he is alone? Does he still come and see me and who is taking care of him. When we were driving home we realized it was November 7th, 11-7... and he just wanted to go to 7-11. Do numbers really mean things?

LETTER TO MOM

MOM, PLEASE DON'T FEEL GUILTY
IT WAS JUST MY TIME TO GO.
I SEE YOU ARE STILL FEELING SAD,
AND THE TEARS JUST START TO FLOW.

WE ALL COME TO EARTH FOR OUT LIFETIME,
AND FOR SOME IT'S NOT MANY YEARS
I DON'T WANT YOU TO KEEP CRYING
YOU ARE SHEDDING SO MANY TEARS.

I HAVEN'T REALLY LEFT YOU
EVEN THOUGH IT MAY SEEN SO
I HAVE JUST GONE TO MY HEAVENLY HOME,
AND I AM CLOSER THEN YOU KNOW.

JUST BELIEVE THAT WHEN YOU SAY MY NAME
I'M STANDING NEXT TO YOU,
I KNOW YOU LONG TO SEE ME,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

BUT I'LL STILL SEND YOU MESSAGES
AND HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND,
THAT WHEN YOUR TIME COMES TO "CROSS OVER"
I'LL BE THERE TO TAKE YOUR HAND.
Written by Joy Curnett, in memory of her son Jason

I couldn't handle the funeral part. I had nothing to do with any arrangements and when they started talking about it, I just walked away. My mom, Mrs. Al (my second mom) and Turk's mom did all the arrangements. We had the funeral a week later and for a funeral it was really nice; he looked like he was sleeping. He had a red and gray Roca Wear velour suit on with brand new white nike air ones and a red cap with Tamulah sown in it in gray. He looked so sweet, like a little man. They put his hands in the pockets of the hoody. I was so afraid to see him dead you know. I know we spent time with him after he went but I mean after the funeral home got him. I was so afraid he would be different but I am so happy to say out of every funeral I have went to, he looked nothing like that at all. I just kissed and rubbed him as much as I could. He rubbed ears and would put his fingers through my earrings so I pulled his hand out of his pocket and put one of my ear rings on his fingers. His hands were so warm and soft. They felt just like they always did. I am so glad for that... I just put may face down to him and rubbed his hand on my face and ear for 20 minutes. I covered him up real good and put the silk scarf on his face and let them finally close the casket forever. We took him to the cemetary with police escort. I really don't know why, but his dad Jimmy has officers in his family. The line of cars was so long you could not see the end. I didn't realize how many people came. I never looked back, and I was the last to go out behind them carrying him.

After the grave service my brother had rented a hall and we had what we called a CELEBRATION OF LIFE PARTY FOR TAMULAH. We had tons of food from my brother's jobs. BUCLEY'S TAVERN AND DEL ROSE. We got him cakes that he asked for, for his next birthday, we played the music he liked... LIL BOW WOW, USHER AND RAP. To end the party I pushed his best friend Nyair's face in the scooby doo cake. He said he was going to do it at Nyair's party the night before he got hurt but was too busy stealing icing to do it,
so I did it for him.

Robbie Smith Memorial

Remembering You Tamulah
With Love
Ann, Laurasmom

In Memory of 'A Little Servant of God'
Tamulah
Needed by the Father
With Love
Ann, Laurasmom

I just have no words to say. I don't remember when I've viewed a website that broke my heart as this one did. I could feel your pain in my own heart when you lost this sweet little boy. This was a terrible tragedy and you sound like you are the best mommy on this earth. Tamulah was so very loved and this bond will never be broken, not from here to eternity. You will see him again. This is our promise and our hope. I only go on and live for that day. All of us mothers must keep going on and I have no idea how this is being done. My heart is with you as well as a very special prayer.
Love
Ann, Laurasmom

Remembering your sweet little angel Tamulah
With Love
Ann, Laurasmom

A small gift for Angel Tamulah's family. May God bless and comfort you always.

A small gift for the McCoy Family for your Angel Mulah. May God bless and comfort you always.
GEOFFREY P. EDWARDS

Dear Jessica and ANGEL Tamulah

Stars are the Windows To HEAVEN
Where we all are
You know, Mom
ANGEL'S PEEK THROUGH
One of those Windows
Belongs to me, Mom
Open your HEART And LOOK UP
I will give you a wave And a smile
Just for you Mom

Written By Sue-Anne Aguilera Lee'sMom
MY LOVE TO YOU JESSICA

In Loving Memory of Lee Henry Aguilera

Please also visit ~
My Angel Mulah
Flowers For Mulah

Thank you to My Bestest Buddy for help with Tamulah's photos and to Sheri and Joyce for their help with the tags for this page and to Ann for helping with the music for Tamulah's pages.