DISCLAIMER: All things Buffy are the creation and property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, and so forth. All things non-Buffy are the creation and property of many other individuals and corporate entities.

This particular story is the creation of Robert A. Black (that's me). Feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think of my work. Good or bad, I'd like to hear it.

TIME CONTEXT: This story takes place between the Buffy episodes, "Nightmares" and "Invisible Girl."

Confused? Refer to the Readers' Guide at the end of the chapter for hints and explanations.

Disclaimers, Legal Mumbo-Jumbo and Other Fun Stuff

It was a strange little set. A shin-high octagon-shaped platform, with a shin-high arc-shaped second level around the rear half, sat on an orange floor. A light blue backdrop with small white lights shining through it rose behind a set of white monkey bars arranged in a half-dome shape surrounding the platform. Several tinted transparent plastic balls hung from the catwalks above to complete the tableau.

Buffy, Willow and Xander stepped onto the platform, looking around curiously. None of them had expected to be anywhere like this. Actually, none of them were sure what kind of place it was.

"Are you sure we didn't make a wrong turn?" asked Buffy.

"Nope," said Willow. "This is the spot. Bob was very specific."

"There's something familiar about all this," said Xander. "I'm not sure what it is yet, but..."

"All right, you kids, let's get this show on the road," said a whiny, nasal-sounding voice with a New York accent. The three teenagers turned to see a tired-looking older man walk up to them. He wore a red and black plaid shirt and vest, with a tool belt around the waist of his jeans. A dilapidated headset was perched around his ears.

"Who are you?" Buffy demanded.

"The name's Ewidge. Ross Ewidge. I'm the guy they sent to keep you kids in line," the man said. "It's bad enough I gotta come out of retirement, and we gotta haul all this stuff out of mothballs. Let's just do this bit so we can all go home."

He said something into the mouthpiece of his headset and walked off into the darkness that surrounded the platform. The teenagers could make out a set of TV cameras just outside the lighted area. After a moment, Ross came back and stood next to the center camera. He listened to something on his headset, then pointed at Buffy. "And CUE!" he said.

"Cue?" said Buffy. "What, I'm supposed to talk to that camera? Why do I have to do that when this is a written story?"

"Just say your lines," Ross ordered. "We ain't got all day."

Buffy looked at Willow and Xander. Both shrugged.

"Okay," said Buffy. She cleared her throat, then began. "Um, the story you're reading, The Night of 100 Stars, is the sole creation of Robert A. Black."

"Who's that?" asked Xander.

"That's Bob," said Willow. "You know, the guy who wrote the story? The guy we're working with?"

"Oh, yeah," said Xander. "Nobody ever calls him that, so I kind of got confused."

"He says his name looks better in print that way," Willow explained.

"Excuse me," said Buffy, "can I get on with my part?"

Willow and Xander yielded the floor to the Slayer again.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Buffy continued, "there are a lot of guest characters in this story..."

"Boy, I'll say," said Willow. Buffy glared at her. "But I won't right now," Willow added meekly.

Undaunted, Buffy went on. "Despite the large guest cast, this is still supposed to be a Buffy the Vampire Slayer story, and that means the main characters and the primary setting..."

"That's us," Xander chipped in.

"The main characters and the primary setting," Buffy said through clenched teeth, determined to go on, "are the creation and property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, 20th Century Fox and the WB Network."

Buffy fell silent and turned to Xander. He stood there looking at her for a moment.

"What?" said Buffy. "You interrupt me every five seconds, and now that it's your turn you become silence boy?"

"Oh, sorry," said Xander. Turning to face the cameras, he recited, "As Buffy said, there are a lot of guest characters in this story. They're the creation and property of other people and organizations, including..."

Xander stopped for a moment, trying to remember what to say next. Ross cleared his throat, trying to get Xander's attention. Xander looked over and saw an enormous cue card, with dozens of names written on it in barely readable text.

"I've got to read all that?" Xander exclaimed. "You're kidding me! Why did you write them so small?"

"Hey!" said Ross. "Don't tell me how to write a cue card. Do I tell you how to do your job?"

"Well, yeah. Actually, you do," Xander replied, "since you're a director and all."

"Then why aren't you listening?" Ross demanded. "Just read the lines!"

"I'll bet half of those people are dead anyway," said Xander. "Who's going to care?"

"The people may be dead," said Willow, "but lawyers are forever."

Xander turned back to the camera. "Look," he said, "let's just say there are a lot of people out there who can claim these characters and leave it at that. Okay? I mean, Bob's not doing this for money anyway, so what difference does it make? Let's just enjoy the story and have a good laugh about the whole thing."

"Well, that was a bit unorthodox," said Buffy, "but I think they'll buy it." She turned to Willow. "Okay, Will. Your turn next."

"Oh, yeah," said Willow. "Right. Me."

Trying not to let stage fright get the better of her, she turned to the camera and said, "If you'd like to know more about all these characters and where they came from, Bob says he's going to provide a Readers' Guide that'll explain everything, complete with a running count of the characters who appear. Look for it at the end of each chapter."

"That was it?" said Xander. "How come Willow just got that little part and I was supposed to read out all those names?"

"Bob said something about not wanting me to throw up all over the Link Set," Willow replied.

"The what?" Buffy asked.

"Of course!" Xander exclaimed. "Now I know what this place is. It's the Link Set from that old TV show, You Can't Do That On Television. I remember Bob saying he used to write for them."

"Well, there's one mystery solved," said Buffy.

"Hey, guys," Xander went on. "As long as we're here, you've got to be careful that you don't say 'I don't know,' because if you do..."

Suddenly, a large mass of green glop rained down on Xander from the catwalks. He was completely covered within seconds.

"Yeah," said Xander, spitting green slime as he talked. "That's what happens all right."

"Xander, are you okay?" asked Willow.

"No problem," Xander replied. "If Alanis Morissette could take it, so can I."

"Okay, that's it!" said Ross. "You kids are finished here. It's bad enough I had to do this bit. Now I gotta clean up as well. Go on, get out! And believe me, it's gonna be even longer before we ever do something like this again!"

And now, on to our story...

Readers' Guide

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