Part II

Janeway was sitting with B'Elanna at the bar in the holodeck. Around them, the crew was dressed in elegant 1920's gowns and tuxedos. When Paris approached behind them, Janeway grinned at him. “ I have to say, Tom, you've outdone yourself this time.”

He smirked. “ Thank you, Captain. I have to say, I even impress myself.”

“ Shove it, Paris,” B'Elanna muttered, but she had a playful gleam in her eyes. She was wearing a long, slim black dress, almost identical to the Captain's red one. They were tight and showed each and every curve. Paris discreetly feasted his eyes on both of them. * This was an excellent idea,* he thought.

He noticed the Captain's eyes casually scanning the room. She was probably looking for Tuvok, he reasoned. Her blue eyes stopped and her face froze. Paris followed her gaze, and saw Chakotay on the dance floor, slow dancing with Meta. They both had their eyes closed and were dancing very quietly, oblivious to the faster paced music. It seemed like they were sharing a very intimate moment.

Kathryn quickly averted her gaze, lest she be caught staring. She smiled at Tom and B'Elanna. “ I think I'll leave you two so you can get out there. Excuse me.” She said, and turned around and left the pair.

Paris noticed her face still had the command mask, but her eyes were stricken.

* * *

Kathryn was sitting in her quarters after she had left the party. It had been very entertaining, and she even had begun to enjoy herself as she mingled with crewmembers. The worst part of it all was that moment when she saw Chakotay and Rennika dancing together. They looked so at peace... so perfect for each other. It was actually a public acknowledgment that they had developed a relationship. Yes, it was over.

Kathryn had departed to the bar and had a few drinks of synthehol. At least, it was supposed to be synthehol. Now she seriously doubted it. It was just like Paris, to procure real alcohol. She felt giddy right after consuming the drinks, and accepted several invitations to dance by male crewmembers, not quite sure which ones. It was entertaining, and she even managed to forget about Chakotay and Meta in her inebriated haze.

She hadn't even had enough to get most crewmembers drunk, but Kathryn only drunk alcohol every once in a while, so her tolerance was fairly low. Many of the male crewmembers who were normally shy and introverted came out of their shells and approached the unapproachable woman.

Janeway finally decided it was time to leave when one crewman had the audacity to slip his hand somewhere private during a dance. Kathryn bit back her rebuke, not wanting to cause a scene, then bushed away from him and mumbled that she had to call it a night. It took her about five minutes to get through the doors with all the people stopping her to say goodnight.

She yawned and sipped her coffee. Yes, she was exhausted. Kathryn was running some bathwater when her door chime rang. *Who could that possibly be?* She wondered. She walked over and keyed open the door, and was surprised to see Chakotay standing in front of her

“ Chakotay!” He noticed that she had slipped up and used his first name. “What can I do for you?”

“ Uh, can I come in?” He asked, glancing at the quarters behind her.

Janeway stared, uncomprehending for a moment; then she blinked and gestured to the inside. “ Of course, come, come in. Excuse me for not asking.” She let him in, the door closing behind him, “ Find a seat, if you can-- excuse the mess. Would you like some coffee?”

“ No, thank you,” he replied. *But maybe you could use some.* He remained standing, his arms crossed behind his back.

Janeway went ahead and sat down. *Just what I need,* she thought. *The first time the man pays a visit to my quarters in months and I'm tipsy.*

“ So, what can I do for you, Commander?” She asked, sipping her coffee.

“ It's not a matter of ship's business,” Chakotay said, carefully watching her. He would have preferred to talk to her when she was sober, but he needed to know now.

Janeway considered, and then waved for him to continue.

“ I think I like Rennika Meta,” He eyed her expression carefully, wishing he could think of some words that sounded less juvenile. “ A lot.”

Even in her drunken state, Janeway felt a cold wave pass through her and her face became impassive. She took another sip of her coffee before saying, “ And you're telling this to me because...?”

“ Because I need to know, Kathryn,” he said, with more emotion in his voice than she'd heard in a long time. He took a cautious step forward. “ I need to know about us.”

“ Us?”

“ Yes, Us.” Chakotay took a step forward and took one of her hands in his. “You know how I feel about you, Kathryn. Despite all that's happened, nothing's changed. I *need* to know if this is it.”

“ I'm not quite sure what you're asking me, Chakotay,” she said. He hated the fact that she was keeping up her professional persona, even during a personal moment. Still, he was impressed that even half-drunk she was able to think clearly enough to keep him at arm's length.

“ Do we have any chance? Any at all?”

Kathryn met his eyes, seeing in them the loyalty to her. For a moment, she was tempted to say yes. After all, it was her life, so why not? His expression conveyed to her that if there was a chance, he'd put of Meta to wait for her to be ready, as long as it took, but he needed to know.

Kathryn considered the possibilities. Yes, she *did* love the man, but it just couldn't happen. Not as long as she was captain of Voyager and he was first officer.

At her hesitation, Chakotay drew in a breath. He had expected to be turned down immediately, alienated from her during these months of tension. He became almost dizzy with apprehension, and he stared at her, eyes pleading. He watched as she drew in a breath to reply, held it for a moment, then answered,

“ No.” It came out simply, but it was the hardest word she had ever spoken in her life. Command, duty, protocol, it all flashed in her head. She felt a heavy weight on her chest, realized that she had said what she had. All the possibilities for her future, kids, family, a husband, went drifting away, gone like the breeze, gone as quickly as the tenderness in Chakotay's eyes had. He once again had an impassive expression, all that needed to be said had been said.

“ Good night, Captain,” he said formally.

“ Good night, Commander.”

And then he was gone, out the door as quickly as he had come. Kathryn watched him leave with a heavy weight of regret on her chest. Yes, she knew the loneliness of command, more than ever at this very moment. The realization had never hit her so hard as it did now, and she staggered under its weight. All hopes for a regular future were gone, and in this state she walked into the bathroom and turned off the water. Kathryn lay down on her bed without taking off her uniform and stared up at the ceiling. Sleep didn't come easy that night.

Chakotay reached his quarters with an emptiness in his chest. So, she'd finally said it. Muttering one syllable and ending his hopes for a future with her.

He kicked himself for even asking her. He had known that she's say no, so why did he go?

He frowned and sank down into a chair, not looking at anything in particular. Chakotay tried to think of Meta, but his mind was too tired to think of anything at the moment.

He closed his eyes. *Tomorrow, it all starts from scratch.* He'd worry about everything tomorrow. He was too exhausted tonight.

* * *

Integrating the new crewmembers hadn't been difficult.

They simply fell in the places of the crewmembers that were no longer with them (in other words, dead.) Meta took over Hogan's job. B'Elanna was kind at first, but eventually took quite a disliking to her, reporting that she was a “pain in the ass” who couldn't get along with anyone. Others in the department, such as Carey, described her as a “snotty bitch”. Even Seven described her as possessing “unmitigated arrogance which effectively hinders efficiency.” Janeway had to remind them, repeatedly, that they were talking about a fellow crewmember and were to show some respect.

Meta had made some friends, though, through Chakotay. Janeway was somewhat relieved about that. She tried not to let her own biases about Meta color her judgment. She was kind to Meta at every opportunity, and Meta was equally kind back. Somehow, though, Janeway began to believe that all the kindness was somewhat faux, but she didn't mention it to anybody.

They had been proceeding on course to the Alpha Quadrant. She had been having discussions with the various races they had encountered about the upcoming space. Apparently, they were about to encounter the Bromaline Order. Janeway had gathered as much information as she could about them, which wasn't much. They were as mysterious to the races that lived near their space as they were to Janeway.

According to the information she had procured, they were a very powerful race with isolated borders. They rarely allowed ships to enter their space, and trade was highly restrictive. The amount of space they possessed was enormous, with no way to travel around it. The only thing they could do was pass right through it, which would take about two years.

There were a number of star systems, all connected together by main planets, or “Gatekeeper Planets”. She wasn't exactly sure what these Gatekeeper Planets were, but they were the most heavily populated systems. There was rarely a Bromalian population in a system that had no Gatekeeper planet.

* * *

When they finally entered Bromalian space, they had a reception from a message beacon.

“ Put it on screen, Mr. Tuvok.” Janeway ordered, turning forward to face the viewscreen.

A woman appeared. She had iron cold eyes and thin lips that seemed to draw naturally into a frown. Tan-skinned, with long dark hair and fairly normal features, she looked almost human if it wasn't for the large swell which traveled from over one ear to passing across her forehead, where eyebrows would have been, to the area right over the other ear. She began to speak, obviously a general recorded message; she had a deep, strong voice.

“ Alien vessel: You are now entering the space of the Bromalian Order. If you have a commerce pass, you may proceed upon the designated route. If not, you will proceed to these coordinates,” the coordinates were transferred to the ship, “and you will apply for one. If these instructions are not followed specifically, you will be destroyed. Go to your destination immediately. This is Border Watch, out.”

The image flickered out of existence.

“ What a kind, compassionate, and caring woman she seemed to be,” Paris remarked with a smirk, spinning in his seat to face Janeway.

“ Orders, Captain?” Chakotay asked, glancing expectantly at Janeway.

“ Well, we don't exactly want to get on their bad side, from what I've heard,” Janeway said, walking back towards her command chair which she had recently vacated. She glanced up at Tuvok. “ Proceed to the given coordinates.”

* * *

They reached a small, but busy planet in less than three minutes. Janeway ordered all stop, and they soon received another automated message. It was a person almost identical in appearance to the female only that it was a male. The only difference that Janeway could see were the wider features and more massive body.

“ You have reached Itari VII. Wait until you receive docking instructions. Failure to comply with the given instructions will result in your immediate destruction. Out.”

Janeway sighed and sat in her chair. She hated being at another person’s mercy, having to follow their whims. But in any case, Voyager had no choice. “ We’re a touch paranoid, aren’t we?” she breathed. Then louder, “ Mr. Paris, follow their instructions.”

* * *

She soon found herself sitting at a desk across from a Bromalian official. He seemed impatient, checking a small device that Janeway guessed was a watch and listening to her tell her story with half her attention.

“ I see. So, let me get this straight.” He stood up and put his hands on the desk in front of him, leaning towards her. “ You are from the other side of the universe--”

“ Galaxy.” Janeway interrupted. He did the Bromalian equivalent of rolling his eyes before he continued.

“ You *claim* you are from the other side of the *galaxy*, and want to pass through our space, not for any reason other than to pass through our space. Is that correct?”

“ Yes, but-”

“ But nothing. Your pass is denied. You'll go back in the direction from which you came,” he said, turning away.

“ But wait a minute!” Janeway protested, circling around to face him. “Why not!”

“ We wouldn't want to have someone running free in the middle of our space, if you know what I mean,” he explained it to her as if he was talking to a small child.

“ I have only one ship. You have a whole fleet!” As he spun his chair around to face away from her, she circled around to be in front of him again. “ There isn't anything we could do to you.”

“ I assure you, it is not your tactical capabilities we fear. Your ship is quite small, your technology primitive.” He shook his head. “ I'm sorry, Captain, but it's our policy. No one can pass through our space. The farthest we'll allow you to go, even with a pass, is Celtus, and that's only three light years away.”

Janeway sighed. She listened as the man began to quote Bromalian regulations. She made a mental note to herself to talk to one or two other officials before she accepted his terms.

* * *

Chakotay was in his quarters laying some vegetarian lasagna on the table. He glanced over at the chronometer. It was 1835 hours. He felt a bit apprehensive. It was his first *real* date he'd had with Rennika Meta. At least, the first one they had ever had alone together. At the holodeck party, he had accompanied her, Lieutenant Meyers, and Ensign Crane. They had also had numerous group activities, but he'd never actually been completely alone with her outside of duty. In fact, he had only really had eyes for one person up until recently. Chakotay quickly decided not to think about her tonight. *I'm going to have a good evening. To hell with everything else.* Or everybody else.

The door chime to his quarters went off.

“ Come in!” He called over his shoulder, lighting the candles he had on the table.

He heard the door slide open and her soft footsteps coming across the room. He could hear the smile in her voice as she drawled, “ Candlelight dinner, Commander? How romantic!”

He turned towards her, and gasped at the spectacle before him.

“ You look beautiful,” he said, staring at her long, thin body with a skin tight gown that looked as if it was painted on. It reminded him vaguely of Seven of Nine’s catsuit, only Meta didn’t have quite the... package Seven had.

“ I'm not overdressed, am I?” She asked, and batted her eyes at him.

“ No, no you aren't.” He circled to the other side of the table and pulled out a chair for her. Rennika sat down eyeing the food on the table.

“ Oh! I love lasagna! How did you know...?”

“ Well, I didn't.” Chakotay said, with a self-conscious smile. “ It's just one of my best dishes.” He sat down in the chair across from her.

“ Well, I look forward to trying it,” she said with a smile. There was an awkward silence. Finally, Chakotay broke it. “ What do you think of the ship so far?”

Rennika glanced up. “ Oh, it's fine, I suppose.”

“ You suppose?”

“ Well,” she paused, trying to think of the right words. “ It's been quite a transition. I was in charge of our colony for over a year, not taking orders from anyone. And now, all of a sudden, I’m in a hierarchy again. It's kind of difficult, if you know what I mean?” She glanced into his eyes from across the table.

Chakotay's expression softened. “ I know exactly what you mean. I was a Captain once.”

She looked at him questioningly, and Chakotay told her the story of the Maquis, the Caretaker, encountering Voyager. As he spoke, the night passed and the awkwardness disappeared. Soon, they were laughing and joking like old friends. Chakotay couldn't see how anyone on the ship could not like her, as he got to know this amazing woman..
* * *

Meanwhile, Janeway sat in her ready room, frowning. She barely noticed when the chime rang, and didn't know that she had called for the person to enter until she had already done so.

Tuvok stood before her, staring at her with his hands folded behind his back. Janeway glanced up at him, knowing from his expression that he was trying to figure out what was going on inside her head.

“ Yes, Mr. Tuvok?” She asked, moving her feet from the crossed position they had assumed, propped up on top of her desk, to the ground as she sat straight up in her chair.

“ You have not emerged from this room since you first got back from Itari. May I presume that the negotiations did not go very well?”

Janeway laughed, frustrated. “ No, Tuvok, they did not. In fact, they were abysmal. It seems the Bromalians have some sort of regulations. No ships, not even traders, can go past Celtus, which is not very far from here. The rest of the space is restricted.”

“ That is unfortunate.”

“ Unfortunate? It's ridiculous!” She stood up, frustrated. “ They have at least a thousand different races within their own space, but they're all restricted to their own planets and under the Order's authority. So, basically, we're struck in a rut.”

Tuvok considered for a moment. “ We could go around.”

“ And add twenty years to our journey,” Janeway noted with a frown.

“ I am afraid I can see no logical alternative. The Bromalians have a very powerful fleet, and if we make an enemy of them, the odds of survival through their space are very slim.”

Janeway nodded, still scowling. “ I'm not prepared to turn around just because we've run into some paranoid SOB's.” She stood up, glancing over at him. “From our long range sensors, how spread out are their ships?”

“They are more concentrated in the heavily populated areas. They do not seem to have very many in the more remote areas.”

Janeway nodded. “ I've been thinking that we might just have to risk going through.”

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “ That would certainly draw on the Order's disapproval.”

“Maybe so.” Janeway said, standing up and leaning on her desk to face him. “It's a risk we're just going to have to take if they won't let us through. I'm not going to tell this crew that we're going to have to have twenty extra years to travel. We have a long enough trip ahead of us already.”

“ I see you have thought this through and are fairly certain of your decision.” Janeway nodded.

“ I'm going to talk to the senior staff about it. Schedule a senior staff meeting for 1600 tomorrow.”

Tuvok nodded once before Janeway dismissed him with a gesture from her hand. He turned and left, while she sat back and contemplated exactly where they should go from here.

* * *

Chakotay stood up with Rennika as she started to proceed over to the door.

“ Thank you, I've had a lovely time,” she was saying, lightly. “There aren't many people I can talk to on this ship.”

Chakotay grinned. “ If they knew you as well as I do, you would. Have a nice night, Rennika.”

She smiled, her eyes once again staring up at his. They had paused right in front of the door. *This would be a good time to kiss her.* He thought. However, she took the decision out of his hands as she leaned over towards him. His hands slid naturally around her waist as he met her kiss. Her mouth opened, and her tongue met his. They were both enveloped in the passion of the kiss before she slowly pulled away.

“ Good night Chakotay,” she whispered, one hand caressing his face.

“ Good night, Rennika.”

She smiled at him and left.

Chakotay felt elated. It had been so long since he'd even kissed someone. Well, since Reiley, but that didn't really count. He hadn't been in control of himself.

He went over to the table and began clearing away dishes, his body warm and his heart beating hard. Yes, he'd have good dreams tonight.

* * *

Chakotay woke up. He had dreams all right, but not like he expected. He didn't see Rennika in them. Instead, they were dominated by Kathryn.

He had been standing on a beach. She was on a boat, and it was floating out to sea, away from him. He yelled for her, reaching out, even diving in the raging water and swimming after her. She just got farther and farther away from him.

When a huge wave came and washed him ashore, there was Rennika, mocking him.

He woke up cold, chilled to the bone. He wasn't sure why. He had forgotten his dream as soon as he woke up. With a sigh, he sat up and checked the chronometer. It was 0320. Chakotay decided to go ahead and wake up early. He replicated some coffee and turned on the sonic shower. He was too awake to fall asleep again, but too tired to wake up completely.

Ah, well. It wouldn't affect him until later in the day.

He was exhausted. He was indeed affected by his lack of sleep. Chakotay wondered how Janeway dealt with her insomnia. She was talking, directing the staff meeting, as usual. Chakotay remembered reading somewhere that it was supposed to be the first officer who ran the meetings and the captain who sat and observed, but Janeway didn't seem to care. She not only did her job, but she did the jobs of half the other people on the ship. Of course, Seven of Nine seemed to be closing in on that area, so perhaps Kathryn wouldn’t do *everyone’s* job anymore.

He had been trying to focus on what was being said, but he couldn't seem to keep all his attention on the meeting. His mind kept drifting off. He made plans to sleep as soon as his shift was over.

His attention was piqued when Janeway mentioned forcing their way through the Bromaline Order's space. Chakotay listened to her reasoning and decided that she had thought it out well. The crew seemed to take it well. There was a pause as they waited for Chakotay to voice his objections as he did so often, but heard nothing. Half surprised at his cooperation, Janeway dismissed the senior staff.

“ Commander, will you please wait a minute?” She called after him. Chakotay halted and turned back to face her.

“ Is there something wrong?” She asked.

“ Why do you ask?”

“ You seem awfully quiet and you look exhausted,” Janeway said, sitting back in her chair, staring at him with a gaze that seemed to bear right into his soul.

“ There's nothing wrong, Captain. I just didn't get very much sleep last night,” He replied, oblivious to the surprise that registered on her face for a moment.

“ I was planning on working a bit longer than usual tonight. If you want to end your shift early...” She didn't go on, not deeming it necessary. Chakotay smiled gratefully.

“ Thanks. I think I'll do that,” he said. “ Am I dismissed?”

Janeway nodded her head, and he left. She sat there staring after him for a moment. *'I didn't get very much sleep last night.' Does that mean he and Meta...?* She didn't answer the question, feeling a strange numbness coming over her. She knew he'd been with her last night. She had no idea whether or not they had... the thought made everything in her come to a momentary stand-still. Almost shakily, Janeway got up and left the briefing room. She walked straight across the bridge to her ready room and replicated some coffee.

She inhaled the aroma, trying to take her mind off the many possibilities rolling around in her head. *Stop it!* She thought to herself. * You've got no claim to him, remember? You lost anything that you might have had a few nights ago!*

Therefore, Janeway took up the information on the Bromaline Order that Tuvok had obtained and tried to stop thinking the thoughts that crept into her head.

* * *

Rennika frowned when the computer gave Chakotay's location. The briefing room. She knew the senior staff meeting was over because of B'Elanna's appearance in engineering. So why was he still there?

She asked the computer who was in the briefing room with him.

It was the Captain.

*He has something for her,* she thought. She had heard the crew mention it in passing, Paris's wagers with fellow crewmembers on whether or not they'd get involved with one another. She smiled privately. *I haven't heard any of that lately.* It was true. Ever since she had started dating Chakotay, the wagers had shifted to how long it would be until Janeway dumped her first officer out the nearest airlock.

Chakotay was hers. Rennika could tell it already. From the first day she had met him, she had been attracted to him. She knew he was the one for her. In all her life, no man had made her feel like he did. He made her feel cared about, a security she'd never had before. Oh, he was a good catch. She had been after him from day one, and now he was following suit, sitting up a little straighter, eyes a little brighter as she approached him. *I'm not going to let that autocratic bitch take him away, not after how much I've put into this.* Rennika knew that after a certain amount of time, he'd forget all about Janeway. He had to. Everyone she had seen before had eventually forgot the others they cared about. She would triumph.

It was only a matter of time.

* * *