Past Due Bill
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods
totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager
left a voice-mail for them saying "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the
last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call "Please cancel the
order. We can't wait that long."
darsys@pro-entropy.cts.com
(Eric A. Seiden)
IT'S LIKE RIDING A
BIKE
This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one
at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and
tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You
said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to cuss at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
Top ten ways the Bible
would be different if it were written by college students
10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large
font.
8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
4. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes
2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask
directions and look like Freshmen.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have
put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
laird@cs.byu.edu (Mark
J Laird)
The Strongman and the
Lemon
The strongman at a circus sideshow demonstrated his power before a large
audience. Toward the end, he squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then
said to the audience, "I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze
another drop from this lemon.
A thin scholarly looking man came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed
to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the man and asked, "What is the
secret of your strength?"
"Practice," the man answered. "I was the treasurer of the Methodist Church
for thirty-two years!
darsys@pro-entropy.cts.com
(Eric A. Seiden)
Married in Heaven
A couple about to be married got into a car accident the day before they
their wedding and died. When they went to Peter, they asked, "Peter, we would really
like to be married here in heaven." Peter replied, "Why don't you wait a few
years to make sure that you really would like to be together for forever."
"OK" they replied. So they waited.
About a hundred years went by and they asked again. Again Peter said to wait a while. So
again they waited. Another hundred years went by and they asked again. Peter finally said,
"OK Why not." So of course they had a grand wedding. About Eighty years went by
and they came to Peter and asked for a divorce. Peter replied, "Wait just a minute.
It took me two hundred years to get a minister up here. How do you think I will ever get a
lawyer up here?"
The Clergy and the
Barber
A Rabbi went to the barber shop. After his hair cut, he got ready to pay
the barber and the barber said, "No Rabbi, I don't charge the clergy for
haircuts." So the next morning the barber found a loaf of Jewish rye bread outside of
his door step.
A couple of days past and a Catholic priest came in to get his hair cut. He got ready to
pay and the barber said, "No Father, I don't charge the clergy for hair cuts."
So the next morning he found a bottle of wine outside his front door step.
A couple of days later the Baptist preacher came in to get his hair cut and when he got
ready to pay the barber said, "No Reverend, I don't charge the clergy for their hair
cuts." So the next morning, the barber found 15 Baptist preachers on his doorstep,
ready to get their hair cut!
Mark D. Hodges
During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university.
"Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family."
"No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
Philip Thompson
SHOCKING
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
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