| ~ Kitty Fun ~
4 Kittens
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Creation and Cats
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox.
Fairy Godmother
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
POOF! Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I would not mind being a young, beautiful princess."
POOF! She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
"Ooh can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
POOF! There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:
"Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
Kitty Vet
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that you're dog is dead, too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$350.
$350 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $300 was for the cat scan."
Little Tim
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your DARN cat."
What Is A Cat?
- Cat's do what they want
- They rarely listen to you
- They're totally unpredictable
- They whine when they are not happy
- When you want to play, they want to be alone
- When you want to be alone, they want to play
- They expect you to cater to their every whim
- They're moody
- They leave hair everywhere
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg
THEY'RE TINY LITTLE WOMEN IN CHEAP FUR COATS!!
Cat Quotes
Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
One cat just leads to another.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.
The cat has too much spirit to have no heart.
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
Time spent with cats is never wasted.
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.
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