This story is not R rated :) teehee
5:10 am - Awaken by the sound of wyoming traffic (cattle in the street) - look out the window and cuss cows for being so noisy at a time when we boring folk need to get our ugly sleep.
6:35 am - Disturbed by noise of dogs awakening and despirately desiring food NOW
7:00 am - Dragged out of bed by psycho dog, attacked by dirty-dogfood-faced stupid dog. Feed fat goldfish and watch them swell even more. Other daily morning rituals.
7:30 am - Breakfast. Cuss stupid dog and psycho dog for being annoying. Clothe human container to enter public eye. Annoyed by psycho dog.
7:40 am - Run into town with dogs to fill truck with gas and drop off roll of film containing wildlife in Yellowstone, must purchase twinkies for dogs or they will not let me live in peace.
8:00 am - Watch horse program on tv. Yawn loudly. Annoyed by psycho dog.
9:00 am - Work on paintings in "Tropical Series" Picture No.7 and No.8 while listening to Pink Floyd and Star Wars soundtrack. Annoyed by psycho dog.
11:00 am - Bigger yawn. Sit on porch while angry cliff-swallows dive at my head. Pet horses. Fetch with stupid dog and get annoyed by psycho dog.
11:30 am - Lunch, very exciting... Annoyed by psycho dog.
12 noon - Prepare truck for weekly dog trip into mountains. Psycho dog sees me put on pants and shoes, hat, water bottle, adds two plus three (gets four) knows what happens next. Psycho dog goes into psycho mode with the usual brain peircing yappy-bark whick is a little like - run run run bark yap run yap yap run bark run bark run yap yap yap run squeal run run yap bark run .... Stupid dog sits patiently at garage door waiting. Will not waste uneccessary energy.
12:10 pm - Pile stupid dog and psycho dog back into truck, drive to mountains.
12:24 pm - Catch up to Wyoming traffic jam which is 3-400 cow/calf pairs that woke up household at 6 am. Now have cow crap all over underside of truck. Cuss cows for crapping in roadway. Cattle being moved into open range of BLM land as truck enters "mountains" Psycho dog and stupid dog bark at cows comming too close to their truck, almost a mile of cows to drive through.
12:40 pm - Escape cows, move farther up into National Forest of Uinta Mountains.
time(?) spot pronghorn antalope, stupid dog does not like antalope and tries to crawl out window to "get it"
1:08 pm - Park truck at Utah line at Suicide Park. Dogs on leash, adventure begins.
time (?) Walking through aspen woods and carpet of mountain flowers, we run into bees that chase us out of their flower garden. Leave aspens, enter willow flats. This is where moose hang out. Dogs pick up a scent, I'll humor them and let them follow it for a bit.
Run into coyote and dogs go nuts, bolt after it, I fall flat on my face get dragged through mud, crash into willow bush, get dogs stopped just before they drag me into the river. Distract dogs from previous idea of catching a coyote, they are not very bright so it's not difficult.
Damn it, now I have to pee! Make use of nearby 120 yr old leftover cabin. Quietly wander up and down river a while enjoying Mother Nature, looking for a place to cross, river seems to be broken up into ten or so little streams and islands.
Find beaver dam, river turns into pond. Unleash dogs and let them play in the water and get plenty dirty. I spot beaver hut, move closer to investigate, looks old, no worry. Notice downed aspen trees, look very fresh, notice fresh tree pieces in dam, maybe a little worry. OH SHIT! Dogs spot beaver and charge past me, stupid dog crashed into me in process knocks me into pond, psycho dog takes a dive while tripping over downed tree. Beaver bolts for beaver hut, disappears underwater. Water is too deep and dogs get washed over edge of beaver damn into river's spring current, get pulled about 50 feet down river. I run after them, cuss dogs for being retarded. Pull dogs out of water and they run back up to beaver pond and do the same thing (they don't learn the first time) This time they try to brace themselves against the dam but destroy a whole section of it in the process, beaver pond is now draining away. Dogs get washed down river again, this time I leash them before I pull them out of the water, We'll go the other way this time.
Wander back through willow bushes, back though aspens, runaways from bees again. Get to truck, drink whole 20 ounce bottle of water, walk down jeep trail of Suicide Park to dry in the summer air. Spot mule deer. Dogs want to chase...I DONT THINK SO.
Get back to truck, drive to other spot back in national forest. Wander through sage brush and pines, get to river again. Cross river over downed tree, start meandering up mountain. Every pine has a spider web attaching it to every other pine (I'm arachniphobic) cuss spiders for being everywhere and not sharing the open spaces. Find trail to follow up mountain side, come to clearing of marsh area. Damn! Moisquitos thick as smoke! Run like hell back down the mountain to the river, cross river again on different downed tree. Sit and rest, let dogs loose to run a moment.
time (?) - A while later - leash dogs again, wander through more willow brush to get back to jeep trail, dogs pick up another scent. IM NOT FALLING FOR THAT AGAIN. I pull them the other way, follow trail through willows, come around corner....MOOSE. Looks like a two year old but is still towering over me even though it's about 80 feet away. Dogs don't see it thank goodness, I'm frozen for the moment, casually start to tip-toe back the way I came, it's just staring at me (that's usually a bad thing), doesn't seem to see the dogs but stupid dog can now smell it, looks up, BARKs! Moose jumps backwards and looks at us again. Psycho dog has no idea whats going on, barks anyway. Moose turns and trotts to river, looks again, crosses river in one step. Dogs and I bolt for the truck. Moose gone. Put wet dogs in back of truck drive back down mountain. Stop in open range let dogs out one more time and let them in truck.
4:02 pm - Drive out of national forest, encounter traffic again, grumble at cows for still crapping in road and getting it on my clean white truck.
4:33 pm - Get home, turn dogs loose. Change into clean dry clothes. Annoyed by psycho dog.
4:45 pm - Check email, read daily news on R.C.website. Annoyed by psycho dog.
5:15 pm - Dinner with family, not sure what is was but it stood up on my plate and began reciting Shakespeare.
6:00 pm - Brush and ride horses with folks. Fetch with dogs.
6:45 pm - Grab shower first so I can get all the hot water.
7:00 pm - Watch Nero Wolfe episode with folks that they had taped from last week. Annoyed by psycho dog.
7:49 pm - Close all windows and doors to hide from skunks smell. Thankfully dogs were inside at time so it must be neighbors dogs HA HA
8:00 pm - Read several chapters in "The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents" (an actual book by Terry Prachett)
10:00 pm - Write in daily journal about "today", do daily evening rituals, pet stupid dog and psycho dog and thank them for a memorable day.
SLEEEEPPPP............
11:52 pm - Awaken by noise outside window, open curtain to see what the noise is, there's a giant owl on the phone post and a mule deer eating the new rose bush. The owl is pretty cool, yell and cuss deer, but it just looks at me and sticks it's tongue out, it is ignoring me and has eaten all the new pink roses. Give up on the day and go back to sleep.
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