| From my Dark Ages: Vampire chronicle called Durazzo Fist: |
| "This is the residence of the Bishop. We cannot burn it." "Twas daylight most recently on this boat, before it was night." "Ambiguously gay? I can swing that!" "I'm a Whoreador!" "Stop making fun of my ghoul!" (The ghoul's name was Amiel, and he actually survived the chronicle without getting eaten.) "A vampire NUN!" (Followed by laughter) "Should we kill Asander, then Larissa?" "I am becoming concerned..." "I don't care about your ennui! Kick 'em!" |
| From my Mage: The Ascension game called Where Angels Fear: |
| "We're not going anywhere until you tell me what the mystery delivery package is...ah, ah, ah, don't you pick up any dice!" (after being delivered the wrong food IRL) "That's the worst Paradox backlash ever!" "They're beat-in-the-face-with-a-sack-of-doorknobs ugly." "And be nice to the Bible." "Get your cock outta the phone and let's go!" "The Hard Man saved you from the crazy Christians?" "So...what's it like to fuck a concept twice?" "And me in only my shorts." "We've had a really strange week." "Oh, I know. He's going to play baseball with Fortitude." "So in other words, he would become the Chinese box of food?" (said to the Euthantos necromancer) "Dr. Jackson, whaddya know about ghosts?" "You found Lust?" "I was under him." "Paradox virgin!" "Oh, great. My car gets a Paradox Flaw." "Don't worry - it's only the Sorcerer book." "She is a secret agent! She has a desk!" "He has a runny Node." "I wonder if God has a nice butt?" "How do you feel about blowing up cars?" "Do you know the seven deadly sins?" "Not Biblically." "I somehow feel that my email schedule will have little impact on the space-time contiunuum." "It ain't over 'til the fat lady slaps you and calls you a bitch!" "Ahh, college." "You know when reality bitch-slaps you?" "Oh, the big fat church lady." "Never do space-magic in the kitchen." "My underwear's invisible!" "Oh, you can scry now? Congratulations." "Why, with all this power we have, why do I keep losing people I love?" (OK, so it's not funny, but it was poignant.) "May I suck some Quintessence from his Node? "He's trusting Dr. Jackson a lot more, even though he's still deathy." "Oh, wait. I'm a necromancer." "Percival has evidentally been transfigured. Roll Wits + Drive." "That's what I do. I save damsels." "Would you care to warn me before you start sticking flaming swords somewhere?" "You are so the Mistress of Paradox." "And you're moving in with me." "You've got Marla's soul in your backpack?" "That was wierd. It was like me being white." |
| The one-shot of Exalted: Lunars I ran...twice: |
| "What are they gonna do, file a complaint? Fuck 'em." "Just in case any of the young'uns don't believe in Santa Claus, Santa Claus comes up out of the lake." "You may copulate on the shores of my river if you wish." "What a kind turtle." "I hate you, you bastard! But I miss you penis. Have it call me." "Who's got a Compassion higher than 1? (3 hands go up) Aw, man." "What's your Concept?" "Super-beast." "Wyld hunter." "Clever rogue." "Santa Claus." "The ocean is...very big." "Something to help me hunt! Something to fight with! A pair of pants!" "Staring at Wasp's tits. Made me lose my train of thought." "Blackmane go to public school." "That was the stupidest weasel movement I've ever made in my life." "I'll swallow her ass and cough up her artifacts." "What about...sex?" |
| From Bitter Fruit (the Dark Ages: Inquisitor story I ran): |
| "They'd better not sell any blasphemous shit in the marketplace." "Damn Jonathan and his torture chamber." "For buggering little boys, you sure are pious." "We're all quite regular and quite uncircumsized." "He's challenging your turf!" "Beat him with a stick!" "We'd better stick together or the Jews might eat us." "Let's keep in mind that there's a lot of the Devil to go around." "We're gonna have to beat you, and you'll be broken, but you'll be broken with God." "Knights gone wild!" "I come back from the church." "Are you walking funny?" "Wiz-Jews? Weird." "Sideshow Bob is not one of our thralls." "Let's go back to the Acropolis and bend over." "No matter how you roleplay it, you need it." "What, yarn?" "We're gonna go explore that house. What's-his-name smells evil." "I saved your sorry red ass." (Said to a Red Order character) |
| "Blasphemous!" "Cock monkey!" "There we were...shin deep in pussy!" "You seem to have a special connection with your horse." "No monkeys in the ocean." "Sea monkeys!" "Great. We're in a Tim Burton movie." "I am from Crystal." "They have little burgers there?" "We know what it looks like. We know it's evil. Fuck it up!" "How do you know if a sloth's paralyzed? Well, it's still not moving." "If there's one thing you should not do with a girl who's orally fixated, it's leave her alone!" "It was more a horse of convenience." (said to an Ember Lion in Great Forks) "What'd they take?" "Scratching post..." "Boingy, boingy, boingy, smack!" "Great. Redneck Fair Folk." "Superman shouldn't be a geek." "But he should be an Abercrombie and Fitch model." "Why couldn't you jack off? I don't understand..." "Something about invoking something." "Maybe it's dessert." "How about a What-the-Fuck roll?" "The Unconquored Sun has come to talk to me about my attitude." "There's something up there. We're going to go attack and kill it." "I hope it finds a nice new body. And doesn't remember us." "How did you afford that? Tell me you mugged someone!" "Guys, I'm trying to listen to the guy who can't talk." "Well, I'm going to need some time. Where's my marijuana?" "I think it would've been cool if all trolls weren't blue." "This is like going from calculus to long division." "That's the worst analogy I've ever heard." "I haven't named my horse. That was I can upgrade him later." "My horse is faster than some two-legged lizard." "Jonathan, please stop having sexual fantasies about my Backgrounds." "You need a battle cry." "'Stay away from my horse.'" "Sorry, I can't heal you for 12 more experience." "When the Ringwraiths stab our beds, I jump up and kick their punk asses!" "You have your tent pegged up with Lunar claws?" "Hold still. This will only hurt if you're evil." "I'm a drag-queen blooded!" "Lorn doesn't spank it." "Great. It's the Behemoth of the Corn." "It's in poor taste to wear white after Calibration!" "The headless circuit rider? Is he from Sleepy Halta?" "What's your Nature? Evil Bitch?" "They're extras! They're not even people!" (If you don't get it, click here.) "There's a Charm that cures...when you can't stop doing something. What's the word?" "Masturbating?" "Where did all these naughty tentacles come from?" (again, click here) "Japan." ""A single hungry ghost is no match for the might of the Unconquored Sun that courses through my veins...ASSHOLE!" "As he's turning out her clothes, a slip of parchment falls to the ground." "Jinkies!" "Your lollipop is most humbly appreciated." "She's hot! I want to be her!" "Look into my eyes!" "He can't. He's blind." "Have you ever seen my ass? I'd be the most popular guy in prison." "Who names a horse after a squash?" "I'm praying my sweet little balls off." "You're not that buff here, honey." "I am wearing a buff jacket." "Apparently, the drunken whoremonger has a problem with the way I run things." "Did you hear about the brain maggots?" "I know fantasy gamer party politics. I'm nailing the healer." "Sometimes people say funny stuff, and it's not from anything else. I know that's an alien concept to gamers." "OK, time to go exploring with my scalpel. Hope I don't botch." "You still cut open my neck!" "You're Exalted. Quit bleeding." "It's possible that the Unconquored Sun will cleanse his soul in Lethe, but let's not be fucking optimists." "Your baby is going to become the 14th Deathlord, and you're going to blame it on Ziakath instead of bad parenting." "You know you're a geek when your life has a metaplot." "Is he dead yet?" "And who did we neuter?" "So, Lorn fucks a deathknight and I'm jealous?" |
| From Michael's long-running Exalted series: |
| Michael's one-shot of Exalted: Abyssals |
| (because it's Abyssals, our characters all had cool-sounding titles. Our Abyssal circle was: The Baleful Whisper of Oblivion's Conquest (Day, played by Skye) The Thrice-Damned Emissary Whose Lies Drip Honeyed Venom (Moonshadow, played by Ryan) The Flayed Harbinger of Inescapable Ruin (Dusk, played by Josh) The Admiral of the Fleet of Bone and Screams (Midnight, played by myself) Echoes in Silence (Daybreak, played by Whitney) (and now, the quotes) "Did you spill blood on your character sheet?" "The virgin whore? That's talent." "Or Italian." "It's like a bad Dirty Harry movie." "With zombies." "It puts the lotion in the basket..." "The guy with no skin sewed up Tommy!" "How are you going to do this happy act of carnage and mayhem?" "Clockwise." "'Cause that would be the ultimate Abyssal thing to do - kill dolphins." |
| From Jonathan's Dungeons and Dragons game: |
| "We're little salmon of goodness. Up the stream of evil!" "Silence! Midget hater!" "My pony will die if I try to take it across the desert. I got an ostritch!" "I speak in Pig-Druid." "We're on the Ethereal Plane. My nipples are hard." "And this is too small to swallow, right?" "You're an ass-holy warrior!" "I don't take potions from black-skinned foreigners." "Apparently, I'm taking the SATs at a Nazi death camp." "There needs to be a pamphlet - 'So you've come to Mechanis and you don't want to get thrown back in jail..." "I can't believe you find Eminem attractive and not me." "I got a +6 Ride, so you're going to town!" "We're like the gnome-wizard Moebius loop of suspicion." "He's Neutral Gay." "I though the pizza turned into a cat." "Here we are on the monkey head." "I love hanging out with gay people. It's always a musical number waiting to happen." "Stop beating Ganesh!" "I'll kill him for the ivory." "He's flanked all to fuck. I'll sneak attack." "Our ass tattoos let us read Celestial!" "I want to research my ass tattoo." "It's quite enjoyable if you research it hard enough." "Single white gnome." "Hard to get off a verbal component with a mouthful of labia." |
| Gaming Quotes from my Time in Atlanta, June 2001 through April 2003: |
| From the God-Blood one-shot (Exalted) run by Michael: |
| The players: Sammael, a demon-blood (played by Josh Lee) Rabbit, a Sidereal half-caste (played by Morgan McLaughlin) Diamond, a fae-blood (played by me) Falkier Crysoli, a fire god-blood (played by Kristine Boykin) Taliver Cry, a ghost-blood (played by Aiken Oliver) Michael Goodwin, Storytelller "Let's go kill some orphans!" "I can bend it like Beckham, but that's about it." "I can't change the diaper, 'cause every time I try the baby burns." "So you've got a slight perma-goth going on?" "He sees dead people, not short people." "I just realized I could get more Essence. I could stab myself in the head." "I know you!" "Me, too!" "You give me a physical description and I'll just wiggle my fingers." "Dude, I'm an endangered species. Your NPCs aren't allowed to kill me." "I'm not just a half-caste, I'm a sig." |