Ghosts
(by Kimbre)
The spring day was warm and more than pleasant, a perfect day to take Reilly to the park. Roma Downey watched with a small smile playing on her lips as her four year old daughter skipped along the path that ran along side the lake. She was chattering animatedly to the ducks and geese that were swimming beside of her, obviously holding out hope that the little curly haired girl had more bread with which to feed them. They would soon be sadly disappointed to know that Reilly had already given up all her bread crumbs to the water fowl on the other side of the lake.
"Not so far ahead, Reilly," Roma called to her daughter and watched as the child slowed down her frantic skipping and a second later, Reilly had spotted the playground and many other children swinging on swings and barreling down the sliding board.
"Mommy, can I go play?" She chirped, turning around to face her mother, her cheeks pink with excitement.
"Of course you can, sweetheart," She consented, managing to stay no more than a few steps behind her daughter until they reached the play area. Reilly was off, already chatting up a group of little girls on the swings and Roma smiled wryly. Her daughter made friends so easily, having that innocence born of youth. The actress only prayed that unlike her, Reilly would be able to hold onto that trait.
Roma pulled her straw hat further down on her head, as she sat down on a bench near the playground, not wanting to take the chance of being recognized. Generally, her fan base came with the territory, and she usually didn’t mind, but today was not a day she wanted to smile at strangers. Today, she just wanted to enjoy the fresh air, watch her daughter play and try not to think too much about her failed marriage. The latter was the most difficult for her.
Her divorce from David would be finalized in a few short months, but the separation had been anything but amicable. He had bordered on abusive, despite her attempts to save the marriage, and she had finally admitted defeat. The only relief she had felt had come with knowing that David would not fight her for custody of Reilly as the precious little girl was generally nothing more than a nuisance to him. He had rarely found joy in his daughter, despite Reilly’s constant craving for his attention and at four years old, the child had given up, now content to live with her mother and spend days on the "Touched by an Angel" set with her "adopted family."
Reilly adored her mother’s co-stars, Della Reese and John Dye as well as the show’s producer, Martha Williamson. Where Della had become like a mother to Roma, to Reilly, she was a grandmother, spoiling the little girl as only a grandma could. Rarely a day went by that the older actress did not show up on the set with some kind of little gift for Reilly. Nothing fancy or expensive generally, but always something picked with just Reilly in mind. John had stepped up to the plate and acted as the child’s surrogate father, despite Roma’s intentional distance from him. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, quite the contrary. She simply had developed a wariness where men were concerned.
However, she couldn’t deny the fact that Reilly adored him and that the feeling was mutual. Often Roma would finish up a scene and go in search of her daughter only to find her exchanging secrets with John, giggling and happy. Roma also couldn’t deny that little by little, John was trying to work her out of her shell and some days she allowed him to succeed. Some afternoons when she would find he and Reilly together, Roma would permit him to talk her into taking a seat with them and chatting for a few minutes, but she always kept the conversation strictly professional or focused on Reilly. Anything else would simply be too difficult for her…mostly because she had a feeling she could easily end up pouring her heart out to the man.
John had a warm and easy feeling about him and he had managed to make it abundantly clear to her despite their limited conversations, that he was there for her. It was an offer that both consoled and terrified her. To open her heart to him would mean to risk being hurt, to risk being judged. She had two failed marriages. She had purchased a new house for she and Reilly because she was willingly giving David everything in the divorce settlement. She was too tired and just couldn’t fight him anymore. No, it was easier to let him have everything but Reilly despite the fact that it had been her salary that had purchased most of what they had. But to Roma, they were simply belongings. Reilly was what truly mattered. Her daughter was the most beloved person in her world, despite the violent night she had been conceived, and there wasn’t anything that Roma wouldn’t sacrifice for her well being. But she also didn’t expect other people to understand that.
She was afraid that John and maybe even Della would tell her that she was letting David off too easily. Neither of them knew of the violence that had become their marriage, and she didn’t ever want to have to tell them. No, only she and David knew as she was fairly certain that she had been able to keep it from Reilly as well and she was determined to keep it that way. As long as David left her alone, she was one getting off easy.
Roma pried her thoughts away from the past and watched as Reilly and a group of little children played tag, unable to help but to smile. Her daughter’s little face was a picture of absolute joy that caused a lump to rise to her throat. Despite all the ugliness that had surrounded her marriage, Reilly was proof that there had been beauty as well.
"Is this seat taken?"
Roma looked up in surprise to find herself staring into John Dye’s twinkling green eyes. He was wearing a baseball cap, also trying to keep a low profile, but after the chill of winter, like her, he was apparently unable to be kept inside today. She felt her cheeks flush as she shook her head, "No, John. Did you come out to enjoy the day as well?" She found herself immediately nervous. This was uncharted territory. They weren’t on the set and Reilly wasn’t sitting here with them to keep the conversation safe.
"Couldn’t help myself," He replied, sitting down on the bench next to her and looking into her dark eyes. He would have thought by now, he would be accustomed to the sadness that he always saw there, but it seemed to jar him every time, "Reilly seems to be having a good time."
"She begged me to take her to the park today and I couldn’t tell her no," She explained, a glimmer of sadness crossing her face, "She asks for so little and I want to give her the whole world."
"You’re doing a pretty good job of it," He replied seriously.
"I don’t know about that, but thank you," Roma kept her eyes focused on her daughter. She had been unable to give her what really mattered. A daddy. A family. A second later she felt his hand on her shoulder.
"It’s the truth, Roma," John waited until she had turned her eyes back to him to continue, "She loves you so much. She tells me that all the time." He watched as tears formed in the corner of her eyes and he longed to plead with her to confide in him. There had always been something about his co-worker that enchanted him, that made him want to protect her. It was unexplainable, but the way he felt nonetheless. Yes, they were friends, but he knew she was constantly holding back with him, afraid to let him see too much, "You know, people have told me that I’m a pretty good listener."
"John, I…" She shook her head, not knowing how to continue. His words were so kind and where a part of her longed to take him up on his offer, she just couldn’t, "I don’t think-."
The sound of squealing tires cut off what she was going to say as she looked up in alarm. The road that wrapped around the park had a strictly enforced twenty-five miles per hour speed limit, but the driver of the car didn’t seem to be paying attention as he swerved recklessly. Her eyes immediately searched for her daughter and her heart almost ceased to beat when she saw her laughing and running towards the road, her attention focused on the group of children that were chasing her as she watched them from over her shoulder.
The driver appeared to notice her at the last minute and braked as the car began to skid in an attempt to stop, but Reilly didn’t see it soon enough. The child’s scream combined with the one coming from her mother and the other children and parents, before Reilly was silenced with the sickening sound of the car striking her little body.
"Reilly!" Roma screamed as she tried to run to the road, but her legs were shaking so violently she could hardly move.
John was already racing to the street, pushing through the crowd of adults and children who were quickly gathering. As he reached the little girl, he was aware of one of the mother’s calling 911 on her cell phone and then he was kneeling down beside of Reilly, relief flooding through him when he found her pulse.
"She’s alive," He stated shakily to Roma who had arrived at his side. Despite the fact that she was unconscious, that her arm was twisted grotesquely and blood flowed freely from a head wound, the little girl was breathing.
"Reilly? Baby?" Roma was sobbing, reaching out, almost afraid to touch her daughter for fear of inflicting any pain, "Sweetheart, answer me, please!" She started to gather the child up in her arms, but she was stopped by firm yet gentle hands.
"Roma, don’t. Wait until the paramedics get here. We don’t know how badly she is hurt and we don’t want to move her."
"I need to hold my baby, John!" She cried out, on the verge of hysterics as she tried to fight against him, but he held strong.
"Honey, you can’t. Not yet." He was silently praying that things were not about to get worse. He had heard the whispers behind them as someone recognized exactly who they were and he hoped that the crowd had enough sense to not do anything totally insensitive. He hoped that they realized that right now Roma Downey was not a celebrity; she was a distressed mother whose little girl was hurt.
Thankfully it wasn’t long before the shrill cry of the ambulance alerted them that help was arriving and the paramedics were quick to go to work stabilizing Reilly. Police officers were questioning those that had witnessed the accident as well as the driver of the car. Roma had not given him so much as a glance since everything had happened, only focused on her daughter.
The tears, which had started so suddenly, were now gone and John had watched her bottle up her emotions once more. For a moment, he had seen a glimpse of great pain that was finally starting to be released, spurned by the accident involving Reilly, but the actress had seemingly caught herself in time and closed herself off once again.
"We have her stabilized," The paramedic told her softly as two other men from the ambulance crew loaded the stretcher with the little girl into the vehicle, "You’re welcome to ride with her, Miss Downey."
As Roma nodded her head numbly, John laid a hand on her shoulder, "I’ll meet you at the hospital. Do you want me to call Della?"
She wanted to protest, to tell him he didn’t need to come, but she found herself nodding in agreement. If she tried to speak she would cry and she couldn’t do that again, so giving him a final glance, she turned and allowed the paramedic to help her into the ambulance.
John watched for a moment as the ambulance left the park, sirens wailing as it headed to the hospital. He had been able to tell that Roma had wanted to refuse his company, but he was not about to allow it. She needed someone to lean on, she had for a long time now, but this time it was even more urgent. He was determined that someone be him.
*****
The tiny room felt like a prison cell but at least it was closed off to curious onlookers and well meaning fans. Though there was a sofa and a chair, Roma could only pace from one end of the room to the other, staring at the door and willing it to open, for someone to tell her that her baby was going to be all right. She already knew that she could not survive any other outcome.
Her love and devotion to Reilly had been the only thing to get her through the last four years of constant pain and she had told herself over and over again that as long as she had her little girl, she would be all right. But now, the one person who had kept her afloat was in jeopardy and it was all her fault. She should have been watching. She should have seen the car long before it became a danger to her daughter.
A doctor had been in long enough to tell her that they were going to do an MRI and a CAT Scan to see if any damage had been done to Reilly’s brain or if there were any internal injuries. Roma had pleaded to go with her daughter, but the doctor had refused her, stating he would let her know something as soon as he could. She could have used her celebrity status to throw a fit, but she knew it would not help Reilly and it wasn’t part of her nature anyway.
So she was forced to wait it out, trying to endure the tight ball her stomach had become and the shaking of her entire body. She wished that Della or John would arrive just so she didn’t have to be alone with her fears.
The sound of the door bursting open caused her to whirl around, hoping the doctor had returned to tell her that Reilly would be just fine. Instead whatever color was left in her face drained away and she took a tentative step back purely by instinct.
"David…"
"What the hell happened?" Her soon to be x-husband demanded, the anger on his face impossible to miss.
"I didn’t call you. How did you even-."
"It’s all over the news, Roma! Now answer my question!" He was looming over her, towering over her small frame.
"We were in the park…this car, it was out of control…" She tried to explain, as her hands took on a life of their own, wringing together nervously.
"And just where the hell were you? Or do you just allow our daughter to run wild?"
Roma watched his hands clenched and unclenched and she had to remind herself that he would surely not dare to strike her here, "David, I was there. I was watching her play… and since when are you so concerned? It isn’t like you ever even call her!"
"She’s my daughter!" He growled, his eyes narrowing with his anger, "And had she been with me, this would not have happened."
"You don’t know that!" It was bad enough that she was already feeling like a terrible parent, she didn’t need David making her feel guiltier than she already did.
"Let me tell you something, Roma," He stepped closer to her, soon backing her into a corner and he raised a shaking finger to her face, "If Reilly survives this, I’m going to my lawyer and I will have custody of her. I’m not about to leave my daughter with an unfit mother."
Her own eyes narrowed, as she looked at him, "I’ll tell them everything," Roma threatened softly.
"What? How you ran away from our marriage and took our daughter with you? How you’re so screwed up that you’re on anti-depressants? I’m sure the court will have a field day with another messed up celebrity mother!"
John had been standing at the open door almost since the battle had begun, but had been too shocked to intervene. He could clearly see his co-stars terror of her husband and the threats David was making were enough to make the actor want to beat him to a pulp. Though part of him was sure it was not in his place to interrupt, he refused to remain silent any longer.
"That’s enough, David." His voice was firm and held little room for argument, "This was a terrible accident. Nothing more." It was all he could do to control his anger, seeing the fear in Roma’s face.
David was quiet for a moment, deciding not to press the issue at the moment, "I’m going to try to find out how Reilly is."
Roma watched him leave the room through blurred vision, briefly wondering just how much John had overheard, before her thoughts turned back to David’s threats. She knew that the threats were not idle and she also knew that they were not spurned by the fact that David wanted custody of Reilly. In her daughter’s four short years, her father had little to nothing to do with her. No, this had to do with one thing only, the same thing it always had to do with…hurting Roma.
Bitterness, anger, fear and pain all vied for control of her emotions as she fought diligently to keep the tears from coming but it was all suddenly too much. The man she had loved and trusted had spent four years inflicting pain on her body and soul, her marriage had failed, her daughter was in the emergency room…and John was looking at her with eyes so full of concern.
"Roma…" He said her name softly as he took a step nearer to her.
"I won’t let him take her…" Her voice started off as a whisper and grew with each word thereafter, "I won’t! I’ll take her…I’ll take her far away…out of the state…out of the country! He’s taken everything else! I won’t let him have her! I won’t! I won’t!"
It was a huge gamble, but John elected to take it and as her tears began to overpower her, he enveloped her in his strong arms, relieved when her tiny body sagged against him. The bone wracking sobs that escaped her were not just from David’s threats or Reilly’s accident. John could tell that immediately. No, these tears came from her very soul, from a place so dark and so deep that John could tell that she was drowning inside.
"Shhh, sweetie," He tried to console her as her near hysteria shook her entire body, "He’s just upset is all. We all are.."
"No! He isn’t….He doesn’t care about Reilly…he never has…he’s never held her in his arms..he’s never even told her he loves her! It has nothing to do with her…this has to do with me!"
The words were out before Roma could stop them and she was suddenly very aware that John was holding her. What she was equally aware of was how safe she felt, how not alone, but she no longer trusted her own feelings and certainly not where men were concerned. Once upon a time, David had made her feel safe, but those days were long gone and she no longer believed in happily ever after.
"I’m sorry…" She pulled away, still crying, but trying to bring the tears back under control.
"Roma, you have nothing to be sorry for," John replied softly, watching in near agony as she once again began the process of bottling up her emotions, "Let me help you. You can trust me."
She regarded him in silence for a moment, her breaths still hitching from the violent sobs that had so quickly taken over her, "I can’t trust the man who promised to love me forever, John, so how can I ever trust you?"
The whispered words hit him with the same force as a blow to the gut. Whatever David had done to her had left scars on her soul. No, he thought, not scars. These wounds were still open and bleeding. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, needed to ask. David had never held his daughter? If that kind of apathy could exist where a child was concerned, then what had the man done to his wife? But he couldn’t ask those questions now. Now was about Reilly being all right and about the broken little woman standing in front of him.
He took another risk and reached out his hand to lightly touch her tear-dampened cheek, "Then let me prove it to you. Promise me you’ll at least let me try. I want to help you, Roma and I want nothing in return. You don’t have to be alone in this…in any of it." He was referring to "it" as life, but he knew that Roma didn’t realize the extent of his feelings for her, yet his heart still ached as she blinked and two more tears slid down her pale cheeks.
Roma drew in a trembling breath, "I don’t understand why you…"
"Why I would want to?" He finished for her, inwardly cursing David for whatever it was he had done that had the young actress questioning her very worth, "Because I care about you. Because I consider you a friend and because I think a friend is someone you need in your corner right now. Am I right?"
All she could do was nod her head, as speaking would not have been possible through the tears that were filling her eyes once more. The tunnel she had been inside of for so long was so dark and cold, but somehow John had made her feel the tiniest glimmer of hope that maybe she would not have to continue this journey of pain alone. She didn’t know if she could trust him and she certainly couldn’t imagine herself telling him the things that David had done, but on the other hand, John was here for her now and he wasn’t yelling at her about being irresponsible or a bad mother. That was something she just wasn’t accustomed to.
"I can’t lose her, John," She whispered brokenly, "Not to this accident…and not to David…please, not to David…"
"You won’t," He stated firmly, praying it was not a lie.
Reilly was going to be fine. A broken arm, and a minor concussion but no internal injuries. The doctor was amazed, repeatedly stating how lucky the little girl was but John could tell that all Roma wanted was to see her daughter.
It was John who finally asked the question and the doctor gave Reilly’s room number and the information that they wanted to keep her overnight for observation due to the head wound. Then, with a hand at the small of Roma’s back, John led her to her daughter’s room.
He stood back, giving Roma the space she needed to see her daughter, though he wanted nothing more than to hold her as her tears began to fall once more. Reilly’s little arm was set in a cast and a stark white bandage was resting high on her forehead. That, other than a few bruises, she seemed to be all right and the pain medication had her sleeping and comfortable.
"Reilly? Baby?" Weakly, Roma sank down in the chair next to bed and reached out to stroke her daughter’s soft cheek, "It’s mommy, princess. I love you so much and you are going to be just fine. I promise."
Feeling as if he were intruding, John slipped out the door into the hallway, though he had no intention of leaving. Looking around, he spotted the nurses station and walked over to it, needing to ask the question.
"Can I help you, sir?" The young woman smiled as she looked up at him.
"Yes, thank you. I’m here with Reilly, the little girl who was hit by a car…"
"Yes. She’s going to be just fine. I think she had angels looking out for her. Most hit by a car accidents don’t end this well." Her eyes held a trace of sadness, before she smiled once more.
John returned her smile before continuing, "Yes, we’re very relieved she is going to be all right. I was wondering…her father was here earlier. Is he still around?"
She thought for a moment and then shook her head, "He was here and spoke to the doctor, but then he left. He hasn’t come back."
"Did he visit with Reilly?"
Her eyebrows knitted together, "No, and we thought it was quite odd. He said he had to go meet with his lawyer or something. I couldn’t imagine a father not going into see his daughter after something like this."
John had heard enough. Roma had been right, not that he had doubted her. The only concern David seemed to have over Reilly’s condition was how he could use it to hurt Roma and that knowledge caused anger to rise up in his heart. He understood so much more now. It was like a window to Roma’s soul had just been opened to him and he knew the reason for the deep sadness that had been in her eyes for nearly as long as he had known her.
The realization behind her distance from him now made so much sense. After battling David for so long, her sense of trust was gone in all men. He didn’t know the extent of what her husband had done to her and he could only hope that he could slowly win Roma’s trust and that one day she would confide in him.
Looking back to the nurse, he gave a little nod, "Would it be possible to get a cot placed in Reilly’s room as I know her mom is going to want to stay with her tonight?"
"Not a problem, Mr. Dye," She grinned, giving away the fact that she knew exactly who he was, before continuing, "And you needn’t worry. We aren’t allowing any press in here at all."
"You have no idea how much I appreciate that," John emitted a sigh of relief, "I’d like to give you my cell number as well. I’m hoping to talk Miss Downey into grabbing a bit to eat in the cafeteria with me, and would like you to call me if Reilly wakes up or if her father returns."