ONCE UPON A DREAM

By Kimbre, Gaby and Deyse

"No, John, no!" the boy’s mother said reaching to hug him. "We love you, honey! I’m sorry! We were… hurting so bad… that we forgot you were hurting too!"

"We will never stop loving you, John!" his father assured too.

From her place on the judge seat, Tess turned to look at her charges, who were sitting in front. Andrew smiled back at her and reached to take Monica’s hand, squeezing it lovingly. Then, for a brief second he met her hazel brown eyes and read something that shocked him. He never expected that again.

"Cut!" the director’s voice broke the moment and John felt Roma’s subtle movement, urging him to release her hand. "Perfect! John, I love your holding Monica’s hand. Be sure to do that, ok?"

"Okay…" he replied, suddenly ashamed to look at his co-star. He knew what he would find if he did turn to her: she’d be serious, breathing a little hard, far from smiling…

"Everyone, to your positions!" the director ordered again. "Let’s film ‘A house divided’, final sequence, scene 12… Three, two… One."

He did it again. Once Tess had spoken her final decision and John had told his parents how he felt like, Andrew took Monica’s hand and squeezed it lovingly. But this time it had been different. She turned and smiled back at him, her eyes as shinning as always… The sudden spark of surprise, the shiver that ran from his hand to hers was not there this time. The magic of that second where he had thought to find back her looking at him with nothing but pure love was gone.

It has been more than a year and a half now. For just one night he had been the happiest man in the world, he had had everything he could have asked for… yet, he had lost it all in that very night, in a beach house that could have been the most idyllic place in the world.

Almost one year and a half before, Roma had finally gotten little Reilly’s custody and two months later she had signed the divorce, with the judge’s support of legally asking David to take medical treatment for depression before he could even consider to ask for permission to see his daughter.

But that hadn’t been the chance he had been waiting for. Much on the contrary: once Roma was free of her abusive husband, she hadn’t turned her eyes to see John as more than a friend to her. She more had established a marked distance that often didn’t allow him to be as close as he used to be before. It made him to sometimes miss the bad times when she had allowed him to hold her the whole night so she would cry her eyes out. It at least gave him the chance to hold her tight.

"And... cut!" the director ordered once they had finished the scene. "Good job, guys. The episode was done soon… We’ll have a free weekend for a change! See you until Monday!"

"Okay…" John sighed and tried to smile, but it was obvious he was disappointed for not having anything to do during the weekend. Not coming to film meant for him to spend two days watching Discovery channel…

"Uncle Johnny!" a little voice exclaimed and the blond actor turned immediately, knowing who it belonged to.

"Hey there, my little princess!" he said and knelt just in time to catch the girl who was running to him. "How was school today?"

"Great! I made a picture for you!" she announced handling him a big sheet of paper with the drawing of a blond man standing by a palm tree on a beach. "I had to draw the person I’d love to take me to the place I like the most…" she explained.

It moved the actor’s heart to see it: obviously Reilly still remembered the time they had spent by the beach when she and her mother were hiding from her father’s abuses, but it was a good memory and he was grateful for that. He lifted his gaze for a moment and found Roma looking at them. He knew she was thinking just the same… "You know, sweetie… I can’t take you to the beach right now, but we’re over with filming today, so what do you say if we head to the park right now?" he tickled her tummy and was glad to hear the giggle he was looking for.

"Yey!!" Reilly exclaimed and hugged him again. "Can we go, please? Can mommy come too?"

"O-oh… Baby, I…" Roma stuttered, her heart aching at the pleading expression in her daughter’s little face. "I’m not sure…"

"Please, mommy!"

It took Roma a lot of effort not to accept her request: truth was that she had systematically refused to be with John for a long time now, afraid his feelings for her hadn’t changed, but more because she felt her feelings for him were in fact changing. It scared her immensely because she wasn’t sure what direction it was heading to. "You can go with your uncle Johnnie, Reilly," Roma said and didn’t miss the disappointed way the girl lowered her head. "I’ll wait for you at home. I’m tired and I want to rest a little, ok?"

"Okay…" Reilly replied never releasing the blond actor’s hand.

"Have fun, sweetheart," Roma said kissing her daughter’s head and heading back to her dressing room. Before she left the forum, she turned to see John kneeling again to give Reilly a piggy back and she sighed. She in fact had lost a lot that night over the beach house.

***

She could feel his flesh against hers, moving in rhythm with her own body, the way his arms held her so tenderly as he brushed loving kisses against her face. She murmured his name again and again before he silenced her with a passionate kiss that had their tongues dueling and Roma gasping for air. She felt herself rising higher and higher….

Roma awoke with a gasp as she bolted upright on her bed, but when the realization that she had been dreaming settled in with her, tears unwillingly rushed to her dark eyes. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she pressed the palms of her hands up against her eyes, willing the tears back, but they were persistent.

Though the night spent with John well over a year and a half ago had haunted her for many months, these dreams signified something entirely new for the little actress. She had lost more that night then she now knew how to handle. John had offered her the world and she had turned him down; broken his heart, but now….

It was too late.

Over the past six months she had felt her heart changing, healing. David had left her broken, but little by little over the course of a year, Roma had found herself strengthening. During that time, she had purposefully distanced herself from John, not wanting him to be encouraged by her newly divorced status. In addition to that, she hadn’t wanted to even think about dating another man. Though the night spent with John had continued to cause her considerable guilt, she hadn’t been able to risk any kind of behavior on her part that would cause him to think that there was any hope for them. Now, she viewed it as just one more thing David had ripped from her.

She had fought diligently against her growing feelings for her fellow actor and friend, but they refused to leave her. She loved him. The memories of the nights he had been by her side during the worst time in her entire life always filled her with great comfort. But now, she saw them in a different light. Would there ever be another man that she could show her heart to the way she had with John? Would there ever be anyone to understand her, without question, the way he always did? Would there ever be a man she could connect with on every level the way she did with John?

The questions tormented her in a way she had never before considered and it gave her just one more reason to resent her ex husband. Maybe she could have considered a relationship with John had David not abused her the way he had. The nightmares of the first year alone, had left her unwilling to even consider ever dating again. Now, the things that David had put her through had taken her one chance for true happiness.

Roma had almost confessed her true feelings to John today during the scene in the courtroom. When he had taken her hand into his, for a brief moment, Roma was sure she could still see a glimpse of the things he had once felt for her. But the director had interrupted and on the retake, the moment was gone and so was her chance for honesty.

She pulled her palms away from her face and wiped away her tears with her fingers. It was just as well. The tabloids were already telling the story of a possible romance between her co-worker and a young woman back in Mississippi. There had even been pictures of the two of them together. Roma had wanted to be angry, but the truth was, she had no one to be angry with other than David and herself. Had she just been stronger and not so afraid, maybe she could have considered what it was John had been offering at the time.

But she couldn’t have expected him to wait around for her forever. No, she had thrown away her chance to be with John and what made it even worse was that she did know what she was missing. Their one night together brought her as much happiness as it did grief, and though there was so much more to she and John other than the night they had lost control, the feeling of being held safely in his arms was one she was unable to forget and knowing she had lost that forever was almost physically painful.

Hearing a car door slam outside, Roma leapt off the bed and quickly brushed away the rest of her tears. John was back with Reilly and she had to find a way to get through the conversation to come.

"Mommy!" Reilly cried out as she saw her mother open the door. Racing up the walk, the little girl threw herself into Roma’s arms and hugged her tightly, "Oh Mommy, you should have come! Uncle Johnny and me had so much fun! He pushed me on the swings and ever went down the big slide with me because I was scared to go alone!"

Returning her daughter’s embrace, Roma ventured a glance up at John, who was approaching slowly, and she had to swallow against the lump that was forming in her throat, "That’s wonderful, baby. I’m glad you had such a good time."

"I always do with Uncle Johnny!" Reilly replied happily, "I need to go find Alice and tell her all about the park!"

Roma stood up from where she had been kneeling to greet her daughter, and forced a little smile, "Thank you for taking her."

John shoved his hands down into his pockets, hating the awkwardness that had developed between them, "You know I love spending time with her, Roma."

She bit the inside of her lip, willing back tears, "And she loves the time she spends with you," She replied softly, thinking about how much she missed her own time together with the blond actor. She could see his indecision about whether he should continue the conversation or just say goodbye and leave, but Roma didn’t feel ready to let him walk away so soon, "Any big plans for the weekend?"

John gave a shrug, "I may go home and see my parents."

She nodded her head, feeling the familiar ache in her heart as she thought about the woman in the tabloid, "I hope you have a safe trip then."

He nodded his head, not at all sure of what else to say. Though he knew that Roma had no romantic interest in him, this distance that was now between them he didn’t understand at all. He loved her so much and she was so far away right now, despite the fact that she was standing right in front of him. He just had no idea what had happened that had caused her to build the wall between them that she had.

"How ‘bout you?" He ventured, looking into her dark eyes and not understanding the flash of pain he thought he saw.

"Nothing special," She replied softly, "A little downtime with Reilly. Maybe we’ll take a long drive or something tomorrow."

Though he hated the idea of the two of them going too far away alone, he knew he had no right to oppose her. It was just his fiercely protective feelings for the little actress coming into play, but what he couldn’t understand was why he felt as if she was holding back something.

"Well," He glanced downwards and then back up at Roma, "I guess I’d better get going."

"Okay," She longed to reach out and hug him and sadly she recalled the days when she would have done just that, "Have a good weekend, John."

"You too." He met her eyes once more and for a moment he felt powerless to look away. She looked so pensive, and beneath the surface, sad despite her forced smile, "I’m not needed for filming until Wednesday, so I’ll see you then."

"See ya…" Roma watched miserably as he turned away and headed back down the walk to his car. She gave a little wave as he drove away, but before he’d even turned the corner, she was unable to see him through the tears in her eyes.

***

On the following Monday...

Roma arrived early at Moon Water Studios on that morning. Usually John was already there and was the first one to greet her with his warm smile and bright green eyes, always sparkling with affection every time he saw her. And recently, just remembering his handsome and welcoming face was enough to make her feel something deep inside her heart: a sensation of cheer joy mixed with great loss; something she couldn’t explain but which made her feel extremely nervous and confused, especially in his presence.

The Irish actress left the parking lot and headed to her room carrying two bags, one of them full of Reilly’s toys, and a folder with her script but before she reached the end of the corridor, she turned the folder upside down and all the papers inside of it fell on the floor. "Oh, gosh!" she exclaimed, and it was at that moment that another voice reached her ears.

"Don’t worry, I’ll help you..."

Surprised, as she hadn’t seen anyone around, the actress raised her head and saw a tall, handsome man, with brown hair and brown eyes coming closer in hurry to help her. Michael Nouri had been invited by Martha Williamson to make a special appearance in "Buy me a rose," 13^th episode of season 6 of Touched by an angel, and on that day he would film his first scene.

"Thank you..." she spoke, with a polite smile.

"Looks like you were carrying quite a lot!" he said, gathering the papers and also smiling, secretly finding her even more beautiful in person than on TV.

"Oh, these are some of my daughter’s toys. Sometimes her nanny brings her from school and I always leave a few toys in my room so that she can play while I film."

He nodded his head, obviously admiring the affection with which the actress spoke about her little daughter. "I bet she must be really something!"

"Oh, she is!"

"Here you are..." the actor collected all the papers and reached out to take the bag with Reilly’s toys from her shoulder, "I’ll help you..."

"Oh, it’s okay, I’m...

"No, please, I can help you..." he insisted, and she didn’t have any other option but accepting, as in fact, it wasn’t possible to carry it all by herself.

"Thank you..."

"I’m Michael," smiling, he offered his hand to her and she politely greeted him, "I know. Martha told me you were filming today. It’s nice to meet you, Michael."

"Nice to meet you too, Roma."

Both started to walk along the corridor and he kept on talking, "So, how old is this little angel who visits the set once in a while?"

"She’s 5..."

The actor couldn’t hide his enthusiasm in meeting Roma: besides the fact that she was very pretty, her natural friendliness enchanted him. Michael had watched the show before and secretly had always wondered what it would be like to meet Roma Downey in person, and now he couldn’t be more pleased.

*

Two days later...

The scenes with Roma, Della, Michael Nouri and Kathy Baker had already been filmed on that Wednesday morning, when John finally returned to work. His absence caused by a 4-day trip to Mississippi was greatly felt, especially by Della and secretly by Roma. Even if she wanted to hide it from the rest of the world and from herself, John had become part of her life, of her thoughts, and whenever she tried to avoid thinking of him, that’s exactly when she missed his presence the most.

Yet, there was another presence in the studios and Della was the first one to notice Michael’s interest in Roma. His gentleness and attention towards Roma were evident and so was the way he would always start a conversation with her, and the old actress made a mental note to talk about it later with Roma. She loved the Irish actress as a daughter and obviously wanted her to be happy, but she also loved the kind blond actor who had been a constant protector through the most difficult moments of Roma’s life and deep inside, Della hoped that she could find happiness in John’s arms. Anyone as close to them as she was could see how much he loved Roma; even if they were a bit distant now, and to watch the ending of what could’ve become a beautiful love story was indeed very sad.

"Hello, Lovejuice!" she greeted John as he arrived at the studios, immediately receiving hug and a kiss on the cheek in reply.

"Hey, Della!"

"How was your holiday, baby? Did you have fun while we were all here, working?" there was an ironic tone in her voice and he couldn’t help chuckling.

"Well, yeah, kind of. But you know that I cannot stay away from you all for a long time!"

The actress noticed his green eyes scanning the studio, looking for ‘someone’ and gave a step closer to him, "Yes, I know and no, she’s not here."

Sighing deeply, he nodded his head, "Seems I’m not the only one who hasn’t been around lately..."

"Hum... that’s true... You know, baby, I don’t want to throw you two in each other’s arms... Although that wouldn’t be a bad idea..." she spoke, listening to his stifled laugh in reply, "... but if I were you I’d try to be around more often..."

"She seems to be avoiding me, Della..."

"But if there’s something that no one can deny is the fact that she loves you deeply, at least as a friend, and she would never refuse a friend’s company."

"Well... maybe you’re right..."

"I’m always right, baby, and..."

Della was going to say something else when Martha came along bringing Michael and Nancy and introduced them to John, and soon they were filming another sequel of the episode. The blond actor was disappointed to know that Roma would only film in the afternoon, as he’d missed her dearly during the holiday, even being in this family and friend’s company.

Roma arrived in the afternoon, as she still had a few scenes to shoot, and once he knew it, John went to meet her as soon as he’d finished with his own scenes. Still wearing Andrew’s clothes, he went by the cafeteria and bought two cups of mocha, her favorite drink since she’d started to portray Monica, and headed up to the studio B, where she already was. While he walked, the blond actor got lost in his thoughts, remembering the hard, terrible times when he would find Roma crying in her room or in a distant corner, miserable with so much pain and suffering her ex-husband had inflicted her. Fortunately those times were gone, he thought, and lately, the actress was going back to her cheerful nature. Maybe, little by little, he could approach her again, break the barrier she had built around her heart and show her all his love and affection.

The blond actor reached the end of the long corridor but what he saw from the entrance door hurt him a lot more than a punch in his stomach: Roma was sitting on a chair, waiting for the crew to finish to arrange the set, and engaged in what seemed to be a pleasant conversation with Michael, who had just brought her a cup of mocha and seemed quite excited with his co-worker.

With a turmoil of all sorts of intense and painful feelings in his mind, he stood by the door; all he could see in front of him was that terrible image – she was talking to that strange man, a guy who she’d known for only 3 days with a lot more enthusiasm than she had talked to him over the last year and a half. John felt betrayed at first, and then angry at himself – of course it wasn’t her fault, she’d never given him any hope; even after the night they had spent together Roma insisted that they should go on as friends and nothing more. Now, looking at the two together, John was beating himself up for his incompetence and for being so naive to believe that one day she would realize he was the right man for her. What was he thinking? Hadn’t she left it clear enough that she wanted distance from him? It was not only his love she was refusing, no. Now, even his friendship was being thrown away.

Sighing deeply, and with his heart filled with sorrow, John turned around and found a dustbin. He opened it up and just let the cup of mocha in his hands fall inside it.

*

It was only when the filming finished that Roma met the blond actor in the corridor, when she was on the way to her own dressing room. She found it strange the fact that he hadn’t showed up in the other studio but assumed it was because he was busy doing some other thing. The two looked at each other and she was the first one to speak.

"John? I didn’t know you were here already..."

"Yes... I was... in the other studio..." he replied, forcing the usual tone of voice and the expression on his face, even if it was difficult to even look at her, "...how are you and Reilly?"

"Oh, we’re fine... she... she asked me to tell you that Alice was ill but that she’s better now..."

Despite the deep sadness that had settled in his heart, he couldn’t help chuckling – that little girl was probably the only one who could make him do so at that moment, "Oh, I see... I’m sure Alice is in good hands..."

"How was your holiday?"

"It..." After a brief silence, he spoke again, his face now serious, "... in fact, it was good. Only now I realize how much I needed it, you know."

"Really?" she couldn’t help remembering the rumor about his dating an old friend from his hometown, and had to fight to ignore the sadness that started to take control of her heart, "That’s... that’s good to know, John..."

She was going to say something else but he cleared his throat and interrupted her, "Well, I’ve already done with my scenes and I’ll go get changed. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? Take care."

The Irish actress watched as he turned his back on her and went away, heading to his dressing room. The cold way with which he had treated her left no space for doubts – she had definitely lost his love, maybe because there was someone else in his life, as the tabloids had already insinuated. Maybe he had even seen her during the holiday.

And it hurt her deeply, a lot more than she could ever imagine. Never, not even when she had told him that they should remain friends after the night they had spent together, had he treated her the way he’d just done – as if she was a mere co-worker. Fighting back the tears that were already falling from her eyes, she rushed to her dressing room and locked the door. There, nobody could see the great sorrow inside her heart.

***

He had enough, he had decided that. Two days were enough. If this was how the rest of his life would be like, he knew by now he wouldn’t bare… Two days he had seen Roma chatting to Michel Nouri every single time he looked for her, and what was worse was that she seemed to enjoy it… She often was smiling, he even thought her eyes were bright, just as when… just as when she was still in love and happy with David. ‘Thank God this is the last scene’, he thought as he was getting his coat on to walk out on the snow. He got a quick glance through the window of his trailer and saw Roma and Della already on the stone path, one moving her legs, the other blowing on her hands to heat them.

" ’bout time, Love juice…" Della commented with a hint of clear sarcasm… "We’re about to become snowmen instead of angels…"

Roma chuckled slightly and that made the blond actor turn: it had been a long time since he had heard her do so. When he turned to look at her, she was smiling and he got the chance to smile back at her, for a short second he cherished with all his heart.

To Roma, seeing him smiling back at her was like a bolt of electricity. But it did not bring joy to her heart, much on the contrary. It only served to remember her of what she had lost, of what another woman had now… She just didn’t have the strength to overcome that loss.

"Okay, everyone… We’re ready…" Peter, the director interrupted her dilemma. "The three angels are looking towards the house, looking at Ellen and Gregg getting into the house while Kenny Roger’s song plays in the background…" he instructed. "Nancy and Michel, please, take your places… John, Roma…"

All the five actors did as requested, and waited for the go order. Then the angels saw Nancy and Michel getting into the house, and as the camera panned to focus them, John held Della’s shoulders and the three started to walk on the opposite direction over the snowed path. "Cut!" the director ordered and all the actors turned to look at him quizzically. "Roma, you practically disappear behind John and Della! Please, move to the center…"

"Okay…" the little actress replied not at all convinced: just being that close to John was becoming difficult for her. It seemed to her that his perfume hit her full force now more than ever before and it brought back the memories she fought against all the time.

"Let’s do something more…" Peter continued. "John, please, take her hand and squeeze it tightly, like telling her she did a great job. Show that tenderness, that sense of protectiveness there has always been from Andrew around Monica…"

"All right…" John mumbled and didn’t dare to turn to see Roma sure as he was of the troubled expression he would find in her face. What he didn’t count on was that Della did have turned and was now facing him with a "you owe me an explanation" look.

Once more they saw Nancy and Michel walking up the porch stairs and the camera went to focus the angels. John slipped his hand to get Roma’s smaller one and squeezed it lovingly, mentally cherishing the contact he missed so much. He turned to look at her, smiling widely, her soft brown eyes shining at him, making his heart skip a beat in time. They started to walk and he refused to release her hand. He needed that contact to be happy, to ease the pain that was now permanently in his heart.

"… and Cut! Perfect!" Peter exclaimed and clapped along with the camera men and some other around them. "We’re done… Let’s go have something hot for dinner!"

"Yes, let’s go!" Della followed the idea and turned to look at her co-stars, her eyes noticing immediately they were still holding hands, naturally, hands fitting perfectly in each other’s.

They started to walk, Roma’s hand still in John’s, until they meet the other two actors, Nancy and Michel. Only then did Roma pulled her hand out of John’s, who didn’t have a choice but to release it. "Where are we going?" Michel asked looking at Roma and smiling widely.

"Oh, we have a special invitation today!" Martha Williamson appeared around and announced. "After his last scene, Kenny Rogers told me he would be featuring today in a bar nearby and he asked me to take you all there when we were done! It’s specially reserved for us…"

"Great!" Peter replied. "We really could use some hot sup and a good drink!"

"Let’s go then!" Martha added.

"I-I… hum… I guess I’ll go home…" Roma tried to excuse herself. "Reilly’s home and I didn’t tell Julie I would arrive late…"

"I’ll go too!" John exclaimed then, finding a chance to be with Roma as he had thought of driving her home.

"Oh, come on, Roma, dear!" Martha said, "Call Julie! I’m sure she and Reilly will be just fine!"

"Yes, Roma, and I promise I’ll drive you home early…" Michel interrupted reaching to take the little actress’ hand.

It felt like a punch on the stomach to John, and Della, wise and older as she was, didn’t miss his upset expression. "I-I… I don’t know…" Roma stuttered.

"You deserve a break out, Roma!" Martha continued. "How long it has been since you went out somewhere? I think you and John haven’t dated for months now!"

Michel didn’t miss Roma’s sharp intake and the way she looked away with Martha’s words. It was in fact the truth: she and John used to date for dinner once in a while and she cherished those chances with all in her soul, but when the new feelings started to grow in her heart and dreams like the one she had had some days before became more and more frequent, she just started to take her distance and refuse to go out alone with John. But she missed that so much. It was not the same anymore between them, and she resented that separation now more than ever… Never had she felt so lonely even when John was so near… For a brief second she looked at Della, and in her expression she could read what her old friend was thinking: that she was trying to escape from John and from something that was different between them since they had been alone in that beach house… "I… Okay… But I can’t stay for long…" the Irish actress replied still insecure.

"I’ll drive you home whenever you want to, dear…" Michel replied and he started to walk, guiding Roma along with him.

"I’ll drive you, Della…" John offered, reaching to hold his co-start by her shoulders.

"I thought you weren’t going, Love juice…" she commented.

"Changed my mind…" was all he replied.

****

"That’s the place…" John pointed out when he and Della arrived to the address Martha had told them. Just at that moment, they saw Michel climbing down from another car and walking around to open the passenger’s door to help Roma out.

"Yes. It’s here…" Della commented just to gain time to examine John’s reaction carefully. She now knew for sure what his feelings for Roma were and even if she knew Roma was claiming to feel differently, she just couldn’t help but pray other way. When Roma got into the place with Michel following her, the dark skinned actress saw how tightly clenched John’s jaw was and how white his knuckles on the wheel looked like.

"Let’s go…" John finally said and moved to go open the door for his friend, but before he could open the car door, Della placed a hand on his arm and stopped him.

"Love juice… You don’t have to hide it from me anymore…" she said.

"What, Della?" the blond actor said trying to fake innocence.

"You know what I’m talking about, John Carroll Dye. As much as you try to hide it, I know you well enough to know how you feel about Roma, and I know these days have been hell on earth for you…" He couldn’t reply. Della was right about knowing him so well and about his feelings. Still, he couldn’t gather the courage to open up his heart to anybody about that topic, at least not yet. He looked at the older actress with such a pleading in his eyes that Della couldn’t say a word more. "Just don’t take too long to let her know how you feel about her…"

"She knows, Della! She doesn’t feel the same…" he managed to reply.

"She doesn’t, believe me. I’m more than sure she’s not aware…" the actress said and opened the door, leaving no room for him to argue.

When they got in, they were welcomed by a hostess that guided them to a corner of the place where several tables had been disposed for them. Martha was already there as well as Peter, Nancy, Michel and Roma. Given the fact that the tables were low and small, John left Della to take one of the endings by Martha’s side and he took a seat on the next chair, right in front of Roma.

When their eyes met, he took his time to examine her long and lovingly, knowing he was showing her all the love he felt for her. He saw her smiling back at him, yet he was wrong about her reading his eyes, as for Roma that shine in his green pools only made her even more sure she had lost him forever. When earlier Martha had mentioned them dating, the memories of those many nights had come back and hit her full force and from that moment on, she had had so fresh the feeling of his arms holding her while they danced. She certainly longed for that again.

They were served dinner and drinks among an animated chatting with the guests as well as the people from the staff that had gone to the date too. Kenny had taken a seat by John’s side until it was time for him to go up to the scenario.

"Good night, ladies and gentlemen", the singer greeted when his show time started. "I’m so thankful with the manager of this place for inviting me to be with you this night that I hope you enjoy it as much as me. I’ve prepared a list of my all time favorite songs, but if you do want one in special, please don’t hesitate to ask. I also want to thank some friends for joining me here tonight. Three weeks ago I was requested to join this special cast for a special episode, and when I said yes, I didn’t know how special was the connection they had built over the six years they had been together. They talk about love and they really practice it. They do as they speak. I know you follow them every Sunday night, so please, welcome the cast and crew of Touched by an angel!" Only then people fully recognized the actors and all of them rose their hands to say hi as the public applauded loudly.. "I’m glad they are here, so please allow me to dedicate tonight’s performance to them! Now come to the floor and start dancing, people! The night’s young and very long!"

With the first notes of Kenny’s song some couples did stand up and walked to the space the place had for dancing. His sweet voice matched the mood of the night, and it made John pay special attention to the lyrics.

The song seemed so perfect for what he was feeling at the moment. He had said he would grow old alone when he was a wild young man, interested on nothing but to conquer the most beautiful woman he came to meet for the night, until he had joined TBAA and found the only one who would steal his heart forever. It had been nearly six years ago and now, he had the feeling he had lost her in one night that, ironically, had fulfilled all his dreams. Yet, after that night, they had been out for dinner occasionally and some times they had danced too… only that there hadn’t been anyone else on their way. How much had he savored the times of having her in his arms, her slim figure against his chest, allowing him to feel her almost as close as that night on the beach house.

She kept her eyes on him, the dialogue between their eyes the most intense in the last months. They were so close and at the same time so far from each other! A tear shone in her eye and she quickly moved her hand to clean it discretely before anyone else could notice. Only John was looking at her, and her heart ached for what she wanted from him and she knew she could not have.

John gulped and did something more. He pushed his luck but he was willing to try everything. All night long he had felt how close his leg was to hers under the small table they were sharing. Given the fact that Della was sitting with her legs out the table to be more comfortable, John wormed an arm under the tiny piece of furniture until he could laid a hand over Roma’s knee. He heard her sharp intake… and it was like music to his ears.

But I been too long in the wind
Too long in the rain
Takin' any comfort that I can
Yes, I’m looking back and longing for
The freedom of my chains
And lying in your loving arms again
I can almost feel your loving arms again

The song ended and he had to applause so everything went as unnoticed as it could be. Some couples went back to their places until someone asked, "Please, Kenny, sing ‘I can’t unlove you’!".

"All right, ma’am…" the singer accepted and he started the song. John knew the lyrics well.

She stood up silently, her eyes speaking volumes to the one who knew the language of those brown pools, and walked to the dance floor. Della turned to look at Martha and Peter, who were smiling contently, obviously pleased to see the two actors together. She smiled back at them and then turned to look at Michel, who was obviously the only one not pleased at all.

John wanted to beg Roma to listen to the lyrics so she could understand what was in his heart, only he couldn’t seem to find the strength. He pulled her close to him, his right arm circling her tiny waist, the other holding her hand to have it resting over his heart.

Intestates and old songs
Like time they go on and on
I guess I could learn to do the same
I could wake up without you
These two arms not around you
Tell myself it's meant to be this way
No matter how I try some things I can't change

I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you

I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you

"Johnny…" she murmured, emotion making her voice tremble subtly.

"Thanks for the night…"

The way he was looking at her, as if she was the only one woman in the world was making her legs grow weak. All she wanted was to run to his arms and hug him forever… "I… It should be me the one thanking you… We haven’t been out in a long time actually…"

"We could work on that…" he was going to ask her out again, but they heard the door open.

"Ready, Roma?" Michel interrupted.

"Yes, I’m ready…" she replied regaining herself soon enough for the actor not to notice her troubled eyes. "Hum… See you on Monday, John…"

He chose not to reply and only saw her climbing Michel’s car, his eyes following it until it turned around the corner and was lost from sight.

***

Roma was sure she hadn’t imagined it. John had placed his hand on her knee and had asked her to dance. Even though he’d said it was for "old times" she was sure that there had been something more there. He’d certainly sounded as if he was going to ask her out on a date before Michel had interrupted.

Michel Nouri was a nice enough man, but he simply wasn’t John. Though despite the fact that Roma knew that, she had still accepted the man’s invitation for dinner next Friday, but that had been as much to get rid of him as for any other reason. Michel had walked her to her door and had even acted as if he was going to kiss her goodnight. Roma had nearly panicked. She couldn’t bring herself to kiss him; to show him that kind of trust and vulnerability. She didn’t trust him. She barely knew him. But if nothing else, Michel was persistent.

He had refused to allow her to slip inside her door until she had promised him a dinner date. She had almost felt frightened by his insistence that he see her again, now that their filming together was over and minimally, it had been downright uncomfortable. Her longing to escape to the safety of her house was what had caused her to agree to the date.

But if she could only find the courage to tell John how she felt, she would cancel dinner with Michel in a heartbeat. Being held in his arms as they had danced had left her feeling almost empty when his arms were no longer around her. There was a safety and comfort in those strong arms, as well as a feeling of peace she had not felt in a very long time.

Roma had trouble sleeping over the weekend, unable to think of much else other than trying to talk to John on Monday. She needed to find out the truth and she needed to know before another weekend kept them apart. Every time she closed her eyes, she could feel John’s arms around her, could hear the sound of Kenny’s voice in her mind, as she had swayed with John to the music.

Her lack of sleep caused her to run late Monday morning, and she arrived on the set just in time for filming to begin. Though disappointed that she would not have time to speak to him until much later in the day, Roma managed to hold herself together. She and John were not even filming together that day, and because of that she had great trouble concentrating. She had tried to find him at lunch, only to discover that he was in an interview for one of the more favorable magazines, so she was again forced to wait.

By the end of the day, the little actress was more than slightly distracted as they wrapped up the current scene and she was finally able to hurry over to the other set where John had spent the day filming. All day she had been trying to figure out if she should just blurt out how she had been so wrong about them, or if she should feel him out a bit first. Though still terribly unsure, Roma only knew she had to talk to him.

"Johnny!" Her voice rang out across the lot just as he was getting ready to lock up his trailer. She watched as he turned around and gave a wide grin and for a fleeting moment, Roma was sure. He still felt the same way. He was still in love with her. They would be together forever.

"Hey Roma," He smiled as he walked over to meet her, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes…at least I think so," She stammered, wondering how on earth she should proceed, "Do you have a minute? I wanted to talk to-."

"Hey there, handsome," A beautiful blond woman with clear blue eyes had just wrapped her arms around John from behind as she reached up to lay a kiss on his cheek, "Ready to head out?"

Roma thought she might throw up and it was suddenly very difficult for her to breathe. It was her. The girl from the tabloid.

"Just about, Laurie," John replied, shooting her an affectionate glance, "Roma, this is Laurie, a friend of mine from back home. She came to visit over the weekend."

"Nice to meet you, Roma," Laurie extended her hand to the actress, "I’m a huge fan of the show."

Roma just stared at her, unable to move, still feeling as if she had just had the wind knocked out of her.

"Roma? Sweetie, are you okay?" John stepped forward and reached for her hand, but at that moment Roma seemed to recover.

"Fine," She replied as she quickly pulled her hand back before he could grasp it. If she touched him now, she would surely cry and she desperately wanted to hold herself together in front of Laurie, "I’m just not feeling very well all of a sudden. Maybe I’m getting that bug that has been going around."

"Oh, I hope not," Laurie interjected in all sincerity, "Can we drive you home?"

"No," her response was too quick and John seemed to be watching her closely, "I, um….I have to go. Julie is expecting me…."

"You wanted to talk to me, Roma," John began, his eyes laden with worry over her suddenly pale face.

"It…it wasn’t important," She murmured, forcing a smile, "You two enjoy your dinner."

"Roma?" John called out after her when she turned and hurriedly walked away, but she just waved over her shoulder and kept walking.

It was only once she was locked inside her trailer, did Roma allow the painful sobs to emerge as she grieved for something that had been in her grasp, but David and her own stubbornness had caused her to lose it.

*****

"Earth to John," Laurie grinned at him as she sat across from him in the little secluded diner. She nearly laughed at his surprised expression as she pulled him from his thoughts, "You’re a million miles away, buddy!"

He managed a sheepish grin, "Sorry. Didn’t realize I…"

"It’s about Roma, isn’t it?"

Her question shouldn’t have surprised him, beings he and Laurie had known each other since elementary school. Years of confiding in each other had allowed them to be able to read one another’s moods fairly easily.

"I guess it is," John admitted with a little sigh, "I guess for a minute there this evening, I thought maybe…I dunno…maybe I thought she had changed her mind."

"Well, women are known to do that," She chided gently before she reached across the table for his hand, "John. You’ve been holding out hope for this girl for years now. Maybe….maybe it just isn’t meant to be, John. Maybe it’s time you started thinking about dating again." Her last words were very gentle, as Laurie knew just how deeply in love her old friend was with the Irish actress.

"I’ve told myself that a hundred times,, Laurie," He confessed with a shake of his head, "But it isn’t that easy. Maybe it would have been had we not spent that night together, but because we did, it makes it nearly impossible for me to even think about being with someone else."

"I just don’t want to see you get hurt anymore than you already have been," She admitted, giving his hand a little squeeze before withdrawing her own.

"I know," John smiled at her, though there was sadness in his eyes, "And I’ll think about what you said, though I have no idea who I would even want to date as you won’t go out with me." He winked at her, causing her to laugh.

"Oh good heavens, no! It would be like dating my brother, John! We’ve been friends far too long."

"I know," He chuckled, reaching for his cup of coffee, "And you have no idea just how grateful I am for your friendship."

****

That night it was impossible for Roma to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, the image of the blond woman standing right next to her beloved John came back to her mind, haunting her like a terrible nightmare. She had lost him – she had lost everything; it was for sure. Only now the Irish actress understood the precious treasure his love and affection were and whenever she thought about the past, about the way she’d rejected him, her heart broke again and again with regret and a terrible sensation of loss.

The following days passed slowly for her and sadness became a constant presence in her heart. Occasionally, when nobody was looking, she wiped the few tears that fell from her doe like eyes. John and Della, and even little Reilly, noticed her silence but she gave them the same excuse: she was a bit tired and maybe was about to catch a cold.

"Today is the day Reilly has to stay at school until late, right? Who’s gonna pick you up then?" he wanted to know, approaching her when she was standing near her trailer, holding her script and not paying much attention to her surroundings.

The Irish actress looked at him for long seconds: the way he gazed at her, the brightness in his green eyes, all his worry... They were captivating and still gave her the impression that he was in love with her the same way she was with him. Regretfully, it was mere illusion, she knew that now.

"Y-yes, it’s today... but don’t worry, I was going to call a taxi, Johnny."

"Oh, I can drive you home!"

"N-no... it’s ok, John, I..."

"Please, Roma, let me do it for you! I insist!"

She felt powerless at the way he gazed at her and couldn’t refuse his offer. "It’s alright then... I’ll go and get my things..."

"I’ll be waiting right here!"

It took nearly an hour for John and Roma get at the actress’ house and during this time, she hardly spoke. Thinking that maybe her tiredness and a possible flu were causing that silence, he also spoke little. When they finally arrived at her house, John walked her up to her door, "Is there anything you need? Any medicine or..."

"Oh, no... I’m fine, John. Thank you, you’ve done so much already..." she said, lost in the brightness of his green pools, which were no longer shining for her, "W-would you like to come in? Reilly will arrive from school at any minute..."

"Thanks, Roma, but I can’t..." she watched as he glanced at his watch: certainly he was dating Laurie and was already late, "I should go..." He reached out and caressed her cheek, the soft and gentle contact with her skin causing their hearts to jump, "If there’s anything you need..."

"I know..." the actress replied, as it wasn’t necessary for him to complete the sentence. John bent his head and brushed a tender kiss on her face, so tender it made her close her eyes briefly, as if treasuring it for the last time in her life.

"Bye, angel. Take care."

With tears falling from her eyes, she watched as his car crossed the gate in her house.

*

The little actress was lying in her bed, on that same Friday night when the telephone rang. For a moment, her heart jumped with the absurd thought that maybe it was John wanting to tell her that he’d broken with Laurie because he couldn’t forget all the moments they had shared together.

But when she heard Michael’s voice on the other side of the line, all her hopes were shattered to pieces once again. He wanted to confirm their date and only then did she remember she’d accepted his invitation. But now she had nothing to lose, since there was someone else in John’s life.

"Yes, Michael... Y-yes... tomorrow at 7 will be just fine... Okay... Bye..."

Sighing deeply, she closed her eyes, not wanting to think about what she had just done.

*

It was past 6 PM on the following Saturday when the phone rang at Roma’s house. As the Irish actress was in the shower, getting ready for her date with Michael, little Reilly ran to answer it despite Julie’s protests. "Hullo?"

"Hi, my little angel!"

A broad smile broke on her face when she heard that familiar voice on the other side of the line, "Uncle Johnny!"

"How are you, sweetie?"

"I’m fine, uncle Johnny... guess what?"

"What?"

"I got an A in math cause I could count until 50 like you taught me the other day!"

The blond actor felt like holding her tightly, "I’m so proud of you, baby! I knew you’d do great!" he said, feeling like a real father.

"Thanks! Are you coming here?"

"Well... I’m calling to say hi to you and to your mom, is she around?"

"She’s in the shower and very sad!"

The smile on his face faded away at that piece of news and his green pools grew wide with worry, "Sad? Why? Did something happen?"

"I dunno... she’s kinda quiet these days... I guess she misses you, uncle Johnny... Why don’t you come here to visit us? Maybe she would feel better..."

"It’s alright, honey... But I don’t want you to worry, ok? Just continue to be this good girl you are. I’ll talk to your mom later..."

"Alright then..."

"I have to go now, sweetie... I love you very, very much!"

"Bye bye, uncle Johnny... I love you very, very much too!"

Worried, he hang up the phone and frowned: what was happening to Roma was so serious that even little Reilly could feel. And now he too felt that something should be done. Thinking that maybe the Irish actress needed a friend to talk to, he grabbed his jacket and the car keys and left the apartment, heading to her house.

*

Roma put on her clothes and make up somewhat automatically, as if she was getting ready for an interview or any other public appearance. Sighing deeply, she couldn’t help thinking about John and the blond woman standing next to him. How she wanted nothing of that was true! Had she not been so blind in the past, maybe at that very moment, it would be him she was waiting for. When the doorbell rang, she didn’t hurry to go down the stairs, as she knew it wouldn’t be the blond actor waiting for her in the living room.

What she didn’t expect was Reilly’s excited voice echoing thorough the house and reaching her ears.

"Uncle Johnny!" the 6 year old said, running to John’s open arms.

"Hello, my little princess!" he greeted, kissing her cheek.

"You came! I’m so happy you’re here!"

"Well, you see, I decided to come and check on my two favourite girls before I went to bed!"

Roma climbed down the stairs with a surprised expression on her face, "John?"

"Hey, Roma..." he replied, finding it strange that she was all dressed up to go out.

"Did... did something happen?"

"N-no... actually, I decided to come and say hi... am I interrupting anything? Are you going out?" he wanted to know, placing little Reilly on the floor and looking at the actress with confused eyes. He didn’t remember any special appearance for Touched by an angel that day, or any interview with TV magazines, so why was she dressed like that?

"Well, I was..."

The doorbell rang for the second time and the maid came to open it: it was Michael this time. John’s jaw clenched at the image of that man standing at Roma’s doorstep holding a bouquet of red roses and with a pleased smile on his face. His first impulse was to send the guy away from her house and demand an explanation from the little actress. But then that day at the Moon Water Studios, when Roma and Michael were talking friendly during the filming break came back to his mind and he felt like a perfect idiot all over again.

"Goodnight, Roma!"

"H-hello, Michael..." she replied, turning her eyes from John to him, without exactly knowing what to say.

"Here, these are for you." he said, walking towards her and handing her the flowers.

"Th-thanks..."

"Hi, John. Hey, Reilly!" the actor greeted, and then looked back at Roma, "Shall we go or is there any problem?"

Lost for words, she was going to say something but it was John who spoke first, "No, there’s no problem, Michael. I just came by to say hi, but I was leaving already..." the cold tone in his voice hurting her ears, "... I hope you both have a good night."

Then, he turned to Reilly, who remained by his side, holding his hand all the time and eyeing that "intruder" from head to toe with suspecting eyes, "Bye, my little angel. Sleep tight and have sweet dreams..."

Sadly, she wrapped her little arms around his neck and held him tightly, wishing he wouldn’t go, "I miss you already... Promise you’ll come to see me again?"

"I... we’ll see it, baby... But I promise I’ll always call to know how you are, ok?"

"Okay..."

Then, he looked at Roma and Michael, "Goodnight..."

"Goodnight, John!" the other man replied, not aware of the tension going on in that living room.

"John, I..."

"Oh, it’s okay, Roma, we can talk later. Please, go and have fun you two."

Speechless, she watched as the true and only love of her life left her house and shivered to remember the way he looked at her – a cold, stern look, as if a confirmation to what she already feared: she had lost him.

*

"I’d really love to go back to Touched and be in a new episode, you know?" Michel was telling Roma later that night but the Irish woman seemed not to hear. "Only now I see what you mean when in the interviews you say you’ve become a family… You all seem to get along just fine! Honestly I have hardly seen something like this in a TV show. Most of the times the actors end up hating each other and nearly wanting to run away and be as far as possible!" He tried to joke and only then noticed Roma hadn’t laughed too. "Roma?"

"Huh?"

"Are you ok?" Michel asked reaching to take her hand between his.

"Yes, I’m fine, Michel…" she replied freeing her hand.

"You were like miles away… You weren’t hearing me…"

"I-I’m sorry… I was thinking about something else…" she tried to excuse herself.

"About what?"

"Nothing special…"

"Me perhaps?" Michel insisted and when Roma lifted her eyes to meet his, she found her face so close to his that she could feel his warm breath over her face. It surprised her and felt terribly uncomfortable, so she pulled away.

"I-I…" she smiled and looked down trying to avoid his gaze.

"I so want to be the only thing in your mind, Roma…" Michel insisted in the lowest voice, his hand permanently caressing her cheek. She couldn’t help but compare the feelings the contact evoked in her… when John was the one caressing her face. "If you allow me, I could be everything you’d dream of, the man to make you live things you have never lived… Let me show you…"

"Michel, I…" the little actress tried to stop him. All of a sudden she was afraid of what she saw coming…

"You’re beautiful, Roma! I fancied you since I first saw you… I realized I wanted you and, please, if you just leave me…" he had now both his hands cupping her face and was only an inch away.

"Michel…" she almost begged but he wasn’t hearing. He crossed the small distance and kissed her on the lips, eagerly fighting her will to keep her mouth closed. He was forceful, his lips covering hers completely, his hands delving in her hair and steadying her. It all happened so fast that Roma had no time to think properly to stop him. Her body was reacting alone, comparing Michel with John and a voice deep inside her started to shout: this was not ok! It was not Michel who she wanted! "No, Michel, please!" she finally said breaking the kiss.

Michel seemed a little hurt first, but then pulled back. "I like you, Roma, and I think I love you…" He started to caress her face tenderly again. "Please, let me show you…"

"I-I… Michel, I’m sorry…" she finally said sighing and meeting his eyes. "can we just please go back home?"

***

"Roma, please…" Michel tried to say when he pulled the car by her gate. Right now he felt like a perfect jerk. He was sure he had spoiled everything. The little actress had said very few in the way back home, all the time watching through the window. "Please, tell me I’m not wrong…"

Yet her deep sigh let him know he had lost his chance. "Michel… I’m sorry… It’s just that…" She opened the door not waiting for him to do so and walked to her door. Michel followed her.

"You’re such a special woman, Roma… You make me crazy…" he said again placing a hand against her cheek. "Please, give me a chance…" he leaned over again aiming for her lips again.

"No, Michel…" Roma said pulling away, her hand pushing him determinedly. "I’m not ready for this…" she lied. Truth was she wasn’t ready for him.

It obviously hit the actor. He gave a step back and looked away for a minute, then shoved his hands on his pockets and turned to her again. "Do I have any chance? Can we go out again?"

"Perhaps later… Right now I think it’s not wise…" she tried not to sound too harsh, yet she didn’t miss the hurting look in his eyes.

"All right… Have a good night, Roma…" Michel said bitterly and walked to his car.

*

Roma could hardly sleep that night. Every time she closed her eyes, the image of Michel's face coming closer to hers made her jump. How had she come to this if she wasn't looking forward to a relationship with him? It felt just so wrong! Who was she trying to fool? There was only one man she wanted in her life, back with her as he had been one single night in that beach house. If she hadn't been so stubborn, so blind... perhaps they would be together right now, sharing something beautiful... Tears threatened her eyes every time she remembered he already had something beautiful, but with another woman that wasn't her.

The following day being Sunday she tried to stay in bed for as long as she could until Reilly ran into her bedroom, holding Alice, her teddy bear, and jumped to the bed. "Mommy, can we go to the park, please?" the little girl asked shaking her mother, who pretended to be still asleep.

"Reilly..." Roma murmured. "It's too early..."

"Come on, mommy, please! I want to go to the park!"

The little actress sighed. Her baby asked for so little that it made her feel bad. She caressed her curly, disarrayed hair drinking in her little face, realizing she almost didn't have any trace inherited from her father... Perhaps only her nose... She pulled her close to kiss her rosy cheek and to make her lay with her. "But we have to eat breakfast first, ok?"

"Yes!!" Reilly shouted and jumped on the bed making her mother almost dizzy.

*

The spring day was warm and more than pleasant, a perfect day to take Reilly to the park, and Roma watched with a small smile playing on her lips as her daughter skipped along the path that ran along side the lake. She was chattering animatedly to the ducks and geese that were swimming beside of her, obviously holding out hope that the little curly haired girl had more bread with which to feed them. They would soon be sadly disappointed to know that Reilly had already given up all her bread crumbs to the water fowl on the other side of the lake.

"Not so far ahead, Reilly," Roma called to her daughter and watched as the child slowed down her frantic skipping and a second later, Reilly had spotted the playground and many other children swinging on swings and barreling down the sliding board.

"Mommy, can I go play?" She chirped, turning around to face her mother, her cheeks pink with excitement.

"Of course you can, sweetheart," she consented, managing to stay no more than a few steps behind her daughter until they reached the play area. Reilly was off, already chatting up a group of little girls on the swings and Roma smiled wryly. Her daughter made friends so easily, having that innocence born of youth. The actress only prayed that unlike her, Reilly would be able to hold onto that trait.

Roma pulled her straw hat further down on her head, as she sat down on a bench near the playground, not wanting to take the chance of being recognized. Generally, her fan base came with the territory, and she usually didn’t mind, but today was not a day she wanted to smile at strangers. Today, she just wanted to enjoy the fresh air, in an attempt to erase the images of the last night that still haunted her.

She covered her face with her hands resting her elbows on her knees. When she had finally managed to give some order to her life, only one night had been enough to spoil everything again. Now she felt not only stupid but also guilty, knowing she had not only hurt John in the beginning but also Michel, who was the last to blame. Her heart felt heavier than ever in a long time, and she couldn't help but torture herself thinking that being Sunday, perhaps John was still in his house... perhaps he was still with Laurie... That single thought made her take a deep breath to try to drawn a sob: if she started to cry, she wouldn't stop...

"Is this seat taken?"

Roma looked up in surprise to find herself staring into Michel Nouri's dark eyes once again. "Michel..." she murmured. "No, it's not..."

He took a seat by her side, and judging by the tension emulating from her body, he knew she hadn't changed her mind. "Nice day to be out..." he ventured. "Did you take Reilly to play?"

"Yeah... She asked me and I couldn't say no..." the Irish actress replied casting a look to her child. "I'm sorry about yesterday..." she surprised him turning to look at him.

"No, Roma... I'm the one who is sorry..." he said not meeting her eyes. "You make me feel so much that I..."

"Michel, please... Don't... I can't..." she moved away from him.

"If you only allowed me... If I could mean half of what John means for you..." the actor insisted, his hand reaching to caress her cheek.

"What? What do you mean?" she asked, half surprised half scared. If Michel knew, maybe she wasn't good at pretending anymore...

"Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me John doesn't mean anything for you! I'd give half of my life for you to look at me the way you look at him!"

"I-I... That's not true..." she stuttered but only then a terrified cry made her turn away. Her eyes searched for Reilly on the swings, and not finding her immediately, she followed the path towards the place she feared the most: the street.

"Reilly!"

From the moment the little actress saw her little girl lying in the middle of the street up until she had sat waiting, alone in the hospital for two hours, felt like a horrible dream to Roma. Michal had tried to help her at the park as Reilly had lain unconscious in the street, but she had angrily shoved him away. She had told him to go away the night before and had he just listened to her, Reilly, her precious baby, would not have been lying in the street injured.

She was so tired of men not listening to her. First David and now Michal. Michal Nouri was just one more man to make her feel like what she wanted didn’t mean anything and she didn’t for one moment regret sending him away. Roma had no intention of calling David either, sure he would just come in here threatening to take Reilly away from her. No, he would find out soon enough once it hit the press, but for right now, no one knew but her and the doctors. One of them would eventually leak the information to the papers, but she couldn’t deal with that now. All that mattered now was Reilly.

Sitting alone in the waiting room while the doctors worked on her baby daughter, Roma spent most of her time pleading with God. She couldn’t lose Reilly. Not after already losing two marriages and now John.

John. The little actress felt fresh tears filling her eyes as she longed for his comforting presence next to her right now. Surely he would be able to reassure her that Reilly would be fine and he would hold her until the incessant trembling of her body finally stopped. Had she not pushed him away, then he would surely be here now, instead of in the arms of another woman.

Roma squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to think about it, bargaining with God that she would never ask for another thing if only he would spare Reilly’s life. The vision of her lying in the street, tiny and crumpled, caused another sob to escape her throat. Surely this had to be a horrible nightmare and she would wake up soon.

The minutes ticked by with agonizing slowness until the young doctor who had taken Reilly back walked through the doors and Roma was on her feet immediately, her frightened brown eyes searching the man’s face for any sign that her daughter was alive.

"Ms. Downey," He indicated for her to sit back down and then he took the chair next to her. His expression was serious and for a moment, Roma thought she would surely be sick.

"Reilly?" She whispered, her voice trembling, "Please….tell me…."

"It could have been worse," He began gently, clearly sensing the distress of the young woman he was talking to, "Her left arm is broken, but it was a clean break and it has been set. What I’m concerned about is the mild concussion she’s suffered. She hasn’t regained consciousness and I’m not sure when she will. We’re just going to have to wait and see."

"Wait and see what?" She uttered weakly, trying to understand his words, but she felt as if he were speaking another language altogether.

He gave a weary sigh and laid a hand overtop of her own, "Wait and see if she wakes up."

"She might not?" The tears were back and pushing forward and she was powerless to stop them.

"Head injuries can be tricky. Not waking up right now could be a good thing as her little body suffered a severe impact. But hopefully by tomorrow, I’d like to see her eyes open," He watched sympathetically as the actresses tears slid down her cheeks, "Miss. Downey, you’re daughter is young and has been in perfect health. She has that going for her and that’s a good thing."

Roma managed to nod her head before she finally found her voice, "Can I see her?"

"Of course. She’s in room 201."

When she arrived at Reilly’s room, nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her usually vibrant daughter lying so frail and helpless in the hospital bed. Unable to help herself, Roma began to cry as she approached the bed and sank down into the chair next to her daughter. Picking up Reilly’s lifeless little hand, the actress kissed it again and again.

"Baby, I’m so sorry," She whispered through her tears, "Mommy is so sorry, baby. For everything. I’ve messed us up so badly, honey, but please, Reilly….come back to me. You’re all I’ve got, my sweet girl and I’ll do better. God, Reilly, I promise I’ll do better."

*****

By mid afternoon on Monday, John was starting to feel more than a little worried as were the rest of the cast and crew of the show. Roma had not shown up to work today and there had been no phone call, or email from her with any explanation. Both John and Della had called her house several times but had not gotten any answer and they were only getting voicemail on her cell phone.

"This isn’t like her," John murmured to Della at the end of the day. They had spent the day filming around Roma’s scenes, but there had been a definite tension present on the set that spoke of worry for one little Irish actress.

"I know, baby," Della agreed as they headed in the direction of their trailers, "You gonna go by her place?"

John nodded his head grimly, trying to ignore the anger he was feeling. If Michal Nouri had done anything to upset Roma, he was going to have a hard time getting back up from the ground.

"The only relief I feel is that Julie talked to her when Roma gave her the next few days off….but for that baby to not call us or Martha? I just get the feeling that there is something wrong."

"I’ve had that feeling for awhile now, Della," John remarked as he grabbed his jacket, "I’ll call you if I hear anything, but I’m heading to her place now."

"Be careful, baby."

John picked up his pace as he headed to the parking lot, anxious to finally be off the set and to find out what had caused Roma to not show up to work today. He’d had a knot in the pit of his stomach for hours and nothing but knowing his friend was safe would alleviate it.

"John!"

The sound of his name being called, caused the actor to turn around, his expression changing to one of annoyance at the sight of Michal Nouri hurrying towards him. He didn’t have time for this now.

"John, have you heard from Roma? Is Reilly all right? I’ve been trying to call her but she won’t answer her phone." The man’s eyes were filled with genuine concern.

"Reilly?" John’s eyes widened and he felt his heart beginning to beat harder in his chest, "What are you talking about, Michal?"

"She didn’t tell you? Reilly was hit by a car yesterday. They took her to the hospital in an ambulance. I was hoping you’d know how she was-."

But John didn’t have time to hear anymore. He broke into a jog towards his car and a moment later was speeding out of the parking lot.

*****

Roma never left Reilly’s side during the night and she never once closed her eyes to sleep. Her weary brown eyed gaze scarcely wavered from her daughter’s little face as she divided her time between talking to Reilly, talking to God, and the tears that refused to end.

How could she have won Reilly’s custody, only to lose her to a terrible accident? Surely God wouldn’t allow that to happen. God knew that Reilly was all she had left in this world, so he wouldn’t take her away, would he?

She’d had the presence of mind to call Julie that morning to give her the next few days off, but Roma had given her no reason, nor had she called the studio. She wouldn’t be able to bear the sympathy of her friends and colleagues and it wouldn’t be fair to pull John away from Laurie. Roma didn’t know if his new girlfriend knew about the history between them, but if she did, the last thing the other woman would want was John spending time at the bedside of Roma’s daughter. Besides, she had hurt John enough and it certainly wasn’t fair to him for her to want to lean on him now because Reilly was in trouble. He was trying to move on with his life and she had no right to hinder that. Maybe God was trying to tell her something. Maybe he was trying to show her just how selfish she had been and was now reminding her of the greatest gift she had ever been given.

The day has passed slowly and now it was nearly evening and Reilly had not so much as moved all day. The stillness was terrifying. Roma could even see the concerned looks on the faces of the doctors as they came into the room to check on their young patient. Overnight the bruises had come out on Reilly’s little face and only served to make the young actress feel like the worst mother in the world. How could she have let Michel Nouri distract her to the point of not paying attention to her baby daughter?

Roma had her head bowed; Reilly’s hand grasped tightly in her own as she offered up yet another tearful prayer and only the sound of the door opening caused the actress to look up into John’s cold, green eyes.

"How is she?" He demanded quietly, refusing to meet Roma’s gaze as he made his way over to the other side of Reilly’s bed.

"John…" She murmured, looking up at him through blurred vision.

"I asked you how she was? Is she going to be all right?" There was a tinge of anger in his voice, which he quickly pushed aside as he laid a gentle hand on Reilly’s head.

"T…They don’t know yet….she hasn’t woken up…"

Though Roma’s voice sounded completely broken and helpless, John continued to focus his attention on the little girl, "Hey, my little princess," He whispered softly to her, "Your Uncle Johnny is here, sweetheart. It will all be all right, Reilly." He stroked her hair in silence for a few moments before leaning down to brush a tender kiss across the child’s forehead as his eyes took in every cut and bruise he could see, "I love you, baby."

When he stepped back, only then did John meet his eyes with Roma’s. Had he not been so angry, he would have taken into account the paleness of her face and the dark circles beneath her swollen brown eyes.

"Why didn’t you call me?"

The gruff and demanding tone of his voice startled the little actress as she looked up at him, "There was nothing you could have done."

Her answer felt like a punch to the stomach and he had to struggle to keep his voice from rising, "Don’t give me that, Roma. You know how much I love Reilly. She’s like the daughter I never had. I thought I had made that perfectly clear."

Exhaustion and grief caused Roma’s own Irish temper to rise at his words, "You have. You’ve made that and several other things crystal clear lately, John." Rising to her feet, she shakily faced him.

"Did this happen because you were busy with Michal? After all, he is the one I had to hear it from!" His words were bitter. He hated the fact that Michal had known about Reilly before he’d known, "I don’t even understand you anymore, Roma! Fine! You don’t love me and I’m trying to accept that, but you can’t tell me that you have feelings for him! I can see how uncomfortable he makes you. But even putting that aside, is it so bad that you can’t even be bothered to be my friend anymore?"

Fresh tears welled up in Roma’s eyes as she struggled to wrap her mind around the things John had just said. Nothing was making any sense right now and his anger directed at her was tearing at her heart, "I didn’t figure your girlfriend would appreciate our friendship!" She snapped back at him, her voice catching in a sob, before she broke down completely.

"Roma…what…." Confusion filled his expression but she cut him off by continuing to speak.

"I know what a mess I’ve made of everything….I wasn’t paying attention yesterday…but I swear….Michal wasn’t supposed to be there….he just showed up…I had told him the night before that I couldn’t….be what he wanted….he wasn’t supposed to be there…," She was crying almost uncontrollably, "I…I told him I wasn’t ready…I swear I did…but he must have followed me to the park…I can’t lose Reilly because of my mistakes….I can’t, John! I can’t!"

Though he was barely able to keep up with the conversation, John saw her swoon slightly, and a moment later, he was holding her in his arms, feeling the trembling of her body against his as she continued to sob violently against his chest.

"Shhh, baby," He whispered, his own heart pounding wildly.

"I’ve messed up so much….David…and I lost you…and now I might lose Reilly…there won’t be anything left to take…" Her small fists twisted around his shirt, as her sobs silenced her once more.

"No, Roma, no," John soothed, as his anger diminished and he began to run his fingers through her hair, "You’re not going to lose Reilly…and you certainly haven’t lost me." Though he had intended for his words to bring her comfort, she was suddenly shaking her head against his chest as she cried even harder.

"Y-Yes, I have….I could have had everything, but….I didn’t realize in time….it’s too late now…"

He wanted to hold his breath. He didn’t want to ask. He was afraid to, but yet despite the terrible situation they were in with Reilly at the moment, John was unable to help himself, "Why, sweetie? Why is it too late?"

"B-Because….because of Laurie…you love her now…not me," She buried her face against his chest once more, unable to bear the look that had to be on his face, "I understand…I do…but it still hurts, John…it hurts so much…I wanted you here so badly…but it wouldn’t have been fair to you two…Please….forgive me…I just….I just didn’t know what to do!"

His heart was racing and for an instant, he doubted all that was real: besides Reilly’s accident, was Roma suffering because she thought he and Laurie were together? Was the little actress telling him that she regretted her decision to turn down his love? John closed his eyes for a moment, taking to his heart all her trembling words and the feelings that emanated from her own troubled heart; processing all that had happened so that he could be sure there was no misunderstanding.

"Angel... what you’re telling me... I..."

"Please, forgive me, John... I don’t want to mess up with your life more than I already did... if... if you want to stay away... I... I will understand..." she managed to say, in between sobs.

"No... Roma, no!" he pulled away just a few inches and only now that his anger had finally subsided did he realise the intense pain and suffering she’d been through during the last two days written in the spark of her eyes. Thinking about all the harsh words he’d told her a minute before, a terrible sensation of guilty tore through him, and the blond actor sighed deeply, caressing her face and trying to put his thoughts in order. "We have so much to talk about, angel... But right now I want you to know that I’m here with you and I’ll always be..."

"I can’t ask this from you!" she replied, shaking her head stubbornly. His hand gently laid against her cheek made her turn her eyes to him as he spoke, "Roma... You could ask me the world and I wouldn’t think twice before giving it to you..."

Taken aback by his words, she searched his eyes and saw nothing but true unconditional love that would never end, no matter what, and then it was her the one who doubted about what was happening at that very moment. "I... I don’t understand..."

He gently pressed his finger against her lips to silence her, "I guess there’s been a terrible misunderstanding here, baby..."

The blond actor guided her up to the chair next to Reilly’s bed and made her sit down. Then, he knelt on the floor, right in front of her and took her hand in both of his, "You mentioned my friend Laurie..."

Hearing that name, she frowned and lowered her eyes, "I told you, I don’t want to ruin things between you two..."

John cupped her chin and lifted her head again, so that they would be face to face. "Roma... Laurie is my friend. She’s a childhood friend who came to spend a few days here..."

"Please, don’t try to protect me, John... I... I already know the truth..."

"What truth, angel? That Laurie and I grew up together, that she’s like a sister to me?" Watching as she looked at him with skeptical eyes, he reached inside the pocket of his jacket and showed her a photograph, probably taken many years before. In it, there were three people: John himself, Laurie and another guy, who seemed to be the same age as the others. "Look... These are my friends, Laurie and Richard, and we took this picture ten years ago, at a party. By that time, Laurie and Richard started dating and they’ve been living together for over three years now."

Surprised and confused, Roma moved her trembling hand and took the picture from his hand. She looked at it for a long minute, with silent tears falling from her eyes, not sure of what to say. A turmoil of different thoughts was running through in her mind, though, as now the series of incidents that had happened in the last few days became clear to her: the blond woman appearing exactly at the moment she was about to confess her feelings for him and Michael’s inopportune presence led her to believe that there was no more hope and that she’d lost the love of her life forever. How ironic was destiny! Only now that her little daughter was in hospital did she find out the whole truth.

It was John that broke the silence and spoke again. "Since we first met, there hasn’t been a moment I didn’t think about you, Roma... There hasn’t been a moment I didn’t love you... And even when we decided that the only thing between us should be our friendship, I still continued to love you with the same intensity... with the same passion..." After a short pause, he concluded his thoughts, aware of the impact those revelations were causing her, "I love you, Roma. I always have... And you can be sure I always will..."

Roma’s sobs returned and a lump formed on her throat – the multitude of feelings inside her heart was such that for a moment she didn’t know what to say. "John... Oh, God, how could I be so blind?"

"Talk to me, Roma... Please, tell me what was on your mind-"

"I love you, John!" she suddenly interrupted him; her voice choked and filled with genuine emotion. "That’s the truth! The truth I refused to see... or that I couldn’t see because suffering made my eyes go blind..."

His heart was racing and despite the dramatic circumstances, the blond actor’s eyes were suddenly filled with tears of emotion at that statement, "Roma..."

She kept on speaking, afraid that there wouldn’t be any opportunity to do so, feeling the need to say everything that was inside her very soul. "Your presence, John, is as vital as breathing... When you’re not by my side I feel... like a part of me is missing... You are the one who completes me, now I know that... And all this time away from you... I felt... I felt I was half dead inside. If it hadn’t been for Reilly, I don’t know what would’ve become of me without you..."

John suddenly felt his breath catch in his throat, not believing the words that had just come out of her mouth. All this time he thought that he would be the one loving her in silence for the rest of their life; all this time he had to convince himself that she would never be able to return his feelings, and now he needed a few moments to adjust to what she had just said. A million of different feelings took over his soul, and despite the dramatic situation, a greater joy made his heart feel full to bursting. "I thought Michael..." he started, tentatively, as if still trying to be sure about what was happening there.

"I don’t even know how I agreed to allow him in my life... I guess I wasn’t thinking straight when he asked me to go out with him and he insisted so much... And when I saw you and Laurie I thought..."

She broke down and cried once again, and the blond actor gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly and protectively, wanting nothing but to erase the pain and suffering inside her very soul. "Shh... Calm down, sweetie... Please, be calm, everything is in the past now..." he whispered, gently caressing her hair, trying to stop the tears that she shed over his shoulder.

All of a sudden, a sing-song little voice broke the silence inside the bedroom. Both adults pulled away and looked at the bed, watching as Reilly moved her head. "Mommy?"

They stood up in a heart beat and Roma quickly took her daughter’s little hand into her own – and now her incessant tears finally turned into tears of joy. "Reilly? Oh, baby, you’re awake! Thank God, honey! Thank You, God! Thank You so much!" she exclaimed, kissing the girl’s hand.

Also with his green pools filled with tears, John stood by Reilly’s other side and tenderly caressed her head, equally grateful and moved with the little girl’s recovery. "Hey sweetheart... my little one... I’m so happy to hear your voice again..." he spoke, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"Mommy? Uncle Johnny? Where are we?" she asked, a bit drowsy due to the medication.

"We’re at the hospital, honey. But everything will be alright now, the doctors are taking care of you, mommy and uncle Johnny are taking care of you too... everything will be just fine..." Roma spoke, tenderly kissing her daughter’s forehead. With a slight smile, the little girl raised her free hand and caressed her mother’s face and then looked at the left, "Uncle Johnny... will you two stay with me all the time?"

"Yes, baby, we’re not going anywhere..." the blond actor smiled too, a teary smile like the one on Roma’s face.

"You promise you’ll stay too, uncle Johnny?"

"Yes, I promise, little angel... I’ll always stay with you and your mom; always!"

Reilly’s smile grew wider and their hearts melted at her words, "I’m so happy..."

*

John rang the bell inside Reilly’s room to call the doctors who were taking care of her. While three doctors surrounded the girl’s bed and examined her, he remained by Roma’s side, with his arm permanently around her shoulders and holding her hand tightly as if assuring her again and again that everything would be alright.

When they finished to exam the little girl, the expression on their faces was a lot better than before, and, with a slight smile, one of the doctors turned to the couple of actors and nodded his head, "She’s doing really well! I have to confess that the first 24 hours were really hard ones and we were very worried about her condition but now... We’re very pleased with her recovery, Ms Downey, really pleased!"

Fresh tears pricked her soft brown eyes and for the first time since all that tragedy had happened, Roma felt her heart filled with happiness, "So... she’ll be alright? Her condition..."

"Her condition is still delicate because the trauma is very recent, but the way she’s reacting to the treatment is really good and we can see she’s a strong and healthy child, this will help a lot. She’ll remain here for one more day, just for precaution, and then we’ll move her to another room.

"Thank you, doctor," they spoke, as the man and his co-workers left the room.

Then they turned their attention back to Reilly and saw that she was sleepy, almost drifting off. "Sleep, little angel... Mommy and uncle Johnny will stay here, okay? We love you..."

"We love you very, very much, baby..."

"...Can I have a strawberry ice cream when I go back home?" she still managed to say, her eyelids growing heavier every second.

John and Roma couldn’t help but chuckling at that simple request, "Yes, honey... Of course you can..." her mother replied, gently caressing her hair, trying hard to control her sobs.

"... what about a pony?"

Now they let out a small laugh and exchanged an amused glance. John bent his head and took her tiny hand, kissing its back, "I’ll tell you what: later, maybe tomorrow, you can make a list of things you want, and then we’ll see what we can do about them, ok?"

"k..." she spoke, the cute smile remaining on her face even after she closed her sweet brown eyes and fell asleep.

Only then, did John give a few steps towards Roma and took her hand, but, after a loving gaze where she could see his love reflected in the spark of his green eyes, she threw herself in his arms and held him for dear life for long minutes. He rested his cheek on the top of her head and sighed deeply, not believing that all that had happened in just a day.

His fingers running through her auburn hair, the protective way his strong arms held her body brought a sensation of inner peace to her troubled heart – John’s embrace had always been a safe harbour, a shelter from all the suffering she’d been through in the last years. And exactly when she thought she’d lost it forever he came back to her in one of the most difficult moments of her life. The little actress received two blessings in just a matter of instants: her little daughter’s recovery and John’s love, and now her heart was so full of happiness that she was afraid that it was a dream.

But a soothing, gentle voice whispering through her ear told her that reality cold be sweeter than she’d never imagined.

"Angel? Is there anything you need? Are you alright?" John pulled away just a few inches to look at her face; in his eyes was all the concern for her condition due to the strong emotions she’d just experienced.

"I’m... Yes... I’m fine..." she replied, somewhat sheepishly, not wanting to stay away from the two most important people in her life anymore. John held her gaze and reached out, caressing her cheek with his usual tenderness as she kept on speaking. "I guess it’s been a long time I don’t feel like that... calm and peaceful..."

"It’s nothing less than what you deserve, sweetie... And... If you let me, I will live every single day of my life to make you feel like this..."

"I don’t know if I deserve this... gift..." she placed her hand against his face, her slender fingers tracing an invisible line along his jaw, "... but I won’t question it... I’ll just accept it and thank every single day for what I can see in your eyes, John."

"What you see has always been here..."

"I know... You never let me forget it..."

Lost in the spark of her sweet brown pools, the blond actor brushed her hair away from her face and spoke the words that had been echoing in his mind for years and which he thought he wouldn’t be able to say again, "I love you so much, Roma..."

A slight, trembling smile appeared on her face as she nuzzled into his touch, making him smile too, "I know... and now I also found out that besides Reilly you’re my world, John..."

"You’re making me the happiest man in the world by saying this, you know?" he spoke, still dazzled by the loving words that came out of her lips.

"I promise you, John, that you have nothing less than my devotion and... and my love..."

Gently, he lay his other hand against her cheek and bent his head, brushing a tender kiss on her forehead; it’d been a long time since he felt her soft skin against his lips and only a tiny caress like that was enough to make his heart skip a beat. He pulled away just a few inches and now kissed the tip of her nose. Then, looking deep inside her eyes, he searched for her consent and felt a lump forming in his throat at all the love and affection that were evident on her face: yes, she loved him! There was no doubt about it now.

Overwhelmed with emotion, he turned his eyes to her rosy lips, those lips he’d kissed so long ago and whose taste was permanently etched in his memory. Feeling her own heart racing, the actress closed her eyes and, a second later, felt his lips pressed against hers, in a sweet, loving kiss that sealed all those love promises made in that hospital bedroom.

As they kissed, John felt her tears moistening his hands and when they parted, the blond actor brushed feather like kisses along her face, wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes. He lay one more gentle kiss on her forehead and after a tender gaze, John pulled her against him, in another tight embrace, which she welcomed with the same tenderness, and turned their eyes to the little girl who slept peacefully next to them. Years before, John had been called to the show because Reilly was on her way and Roma’s appearances had to be reduced. And now, once again, young Reilly had been the one responsible for bringing the couple together, like a little angel in their life.

***

"So we can take her home?" Roma asked almost a week later when the doctor finally told her Reilly was to be released.

"Yes, Ms Downey, you can take your mischievous little demon home!" the man said smiling to the little girl, who had as usual now conquered some hearts in the hospital. "I bet she's determined not to stay here a single minute more!"

"Yeah, I think so!" Roma smiled too and then turned to look at the door that opened at that moment. "Uncle Johnnie!" Reilly shouted excitedly and almost tried to jump to the blond man's arms. "The doctor says I can go home!" she announced.

John looked at Roma, who nodded and smiled. "That's great news, my princess! I'm so happy for you!"

"Now we can go get all the stuff you promised!" Reilly demanded and the three adults laughed openly. "No doubts! She's just fine!" the doctor said. "I'll go get the papers ready and I'll let you know when you have to go sign them, ok?" he told Roma and left the room.

It took a little while for them to get all the paper work done before Roma could finally have her little girl released, not without the recommendation of the doctor to have her back in hospital if Reilly felt sick or complained of headache. For as much as she seemed to be doing just fine, the little girl got tired easily, and after a warm bath, some ice cream as dinner and a few minutes cuddled in her uncle Johnnie's arms, she was fast asleep, despite the cast that she still had in her little arm that usually bothered her to sleep. "She's off like a light", Roma murmured reaching to stroke a few strands of her curly her off her face.

"Yeah... She's home after all..." John whispered back and moved to take Reilly in arms to put her in bed. "Let me help you..."

Both actors climbed the stairs up to the little girl's room and made her lay in her bed. Then, they quietly went back to the living room. "Roma, are you ok?" John asked when he saw her swiping some tears away. "What's going on, sweetheart?" he walked to her and cupped her face, gently drying her tears.

"I'm just overwhelmed about all this, John..." she replied. "I was so scared about losing her... I felt my life was over..."

He said nothing but just held her tightly. He understood her, he knew how stressing it had been to fight for the girl's custody during her divorce, he had been there holding her like tonight, trying to convince her everything would turn out just fine, yet fearing the results himself.

But this time, he had not been with her when the accident had happened, he had been having fun somewhere else, just sighing for her, and when he had found out he had reacted in anger, shouting at her when she needed his strength the most. And even if it had served them to finally talk clearly about how they felt for each other, he still felt terrible about his first reaction. "But it's over now, baby..." he finally spoke. "She's fine and back with us..."

"Yes... Thanks God..." she murmured, her face still buried in his chest.

"Now dry your eyes, baby... She deserves to be spoiled for a while by a happy mom..." he pulled away gently and wiped her tears away. "Plus, I want to see your smile back..."

Moved by his loving words, Roma couldn't help but smile and looked at him with bright eyes. "Thank you, Johnnie... You're my real angel..."

He leaned to peck her on the lips lovingly. "Nah... I'm not an angel, honey..." and then getting serious he looked at her for a long second, "... I'm just a man foolishly in love with you..." He leaned down and kissed her with much love, feeling how his heart melted with that long kiss. It still felt much like a dream.

When they pulled apart, Roma looked at him lovingly for a moment, but then looked away. "What’s wrong?" John asked, a tiny hint of apprehension I his voice.

"What are we going to do about us, Johnnie?" the little actress asked untangling herself from his embrace.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Are you saying you don’t want us to go on…?"

"NO!" she turned back. "No, John! I know I want to be with you forever! But also, I’m afraid… I don’t want us to be bothered… or Reilly… and I honestly don’t know what to do… I see you and all I want is to kiss you and hold you…"

John chuckled a little and reached to hug her close. "I can hardly take my hands off you, baby…" he said seductively and smiled when she blushed a little. "But you are right: we will have to be very careful…"

"So?" she asked again getting free of his arms.

"Well… I guess we will have to pretend we’re just friends as always…" he offered, clearly disappointed.

Roma’s heart melted at his sight: he looked like a teenager that didn’t know how to act with the girl he fancied. "But when we’re not in public…" she added wrapping her arms around his waist to be face to face again, "…I will make it up to you…"

He looked deep in her eyes for a long minute, his words failing to express what he was feeling at that moment. She had changed his life forever, she had given him what he hadn’t dared to imagine in his whole life, only because he hadn’t know how important love could be for a man’s life. He only understood now, after almost losing her forever. "I love you…" he murmured still lost in her eyes. Then he did the only thing he could think of and leaned down to kiss her.

****

The evening progressed comfortably, and John wasn’t surprised to find Roma stifling yawns before ten ‘o clock. She had never once left the hospital while Reilly had been a patient, only dozing for a few hours at a time while her little daughter slept. The young mother and actress needed a good-night’s sleep in a real bed and John knew he had to go home in order for her to get it.

Roma’s eyes opened wide when he finally rose to his feet, giving her a gentle smile as he did so, "I think it’s time I got going and you got to bed, Miss Downey."

What the blond actor had not been expecting was to see her doe-like brown eyes well with tears at his words, and he was quick to kneel down in front of her, one hand reaching to cup her cheek, "Angel? What is it?"

A small, teary smile made a brief appearance as she shook her head, "It’s silly, Johnny…"

"No," He admonished gently, his green eyes filled with great concern, "Nothing you are feeling is silly, Roma. Nothing at all. Now, please, tell me."

She bit her lip hesitantly as a single tear escaped her eye, "I guess…I guess I’m just a little afraid…"

"Of what, baby?"

A tiny shrug and then, "Of waking up and finding out all this is a dream. A wonderful dream, but still a dream and John…." Her voice trembled as she forced herself to continue, "I don’t think I could bear it if it was a dream…"

He cut off her words by quickly pulling her into his strong arms and cradling her against his chest and it took him a moment to find his own voice, "I promise you, Angel, I promise you this is not a dream. Or if it is a dream, it is a dream we’re living; not one you are going to wake up from." He pulled away an inch to look into her shining eyes, "You have always been my dream, Roma Downey. Always. I don’t plan on ever letting you go."

Roma drew in a trembling breath as her eyes searched his, "I love you. I love you, Johnny. I do."

Hearing those words was still such sweet bliss to him that they caused John to close his eyes briefly to rejoice in the sound, before he drew closer to kiss her tenderly, "I love you too," He whispered once their lips had parted, "Is it okay if I come back in the morning?"

"I was hoping you’d say that," She replied softly, "I barely want to let you go tonight."

John’s hands framed her face lovingly as he spoke, "I think that you and I jumped into a few things awhile back at the beach house," He began tentatively, not wanting her to feel rejected in any way as that was not his intention at all, "I’m thinking that maybe we should do things right this time. Spend time together and with Reilly. Let’s take things slowly and let this progress naturally…"

Her face took on a worried expression as she lowered her eyes briefly, "John, if you aren’t sure, it’s all right….I understand…"

His hand tilting her chin so their eyes could meet stopped her self-incrimination, "Angel, I know how badly David hurt you and though that is in the past, I don’t ever want you to think that what happened between us before…that that’s all I want from you, because nothing is further from the truth," Seeing how deeply his words touched her, he lowered his voice as he continued to hold her gaze, "I want to romance you, my Angel. I want to wine and dine you and take you dancing and spend long evenings talking. I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want to know all the things that have made you who you are, which is the most perfect person I could ever imagine would ever love me."

She was crying by this time, exhausted and emotional, and John again pulled her into his arms. Roma knew she couldn’t begin to explain the depth of feelings his words had inspired in her heart. She couldn’t begin to explain just how worthless David had always made her feel, and now here was someone so eager to know her thoughts and dreams, her past and her hopes for the future. But a heartbeat later, she realized she didn’t need to explain it to John. He already knew.

*****

Morning seemed to come far too quickly for the little actress. Reilly was awake at close to six am, whimpering because her arm was hurting her. Despite the fact that her daughter was healing, it was still quite difficult for the little girl to get comfortable in bed, at least where her arm was concerned.

Roma had given her another teaspoon of the pain medication and thirty minutes later, the child was again fast asleep in her mother’s bed, which permitted the actress to drift back off to sleep as well. It wasn’t until ten ‘o clock that she was again jarred awake by the sound of the doorbell.

Scurrying out of bed, Roma quickly grabbed her robe, before shooting a look at Reilly, relieved to still find her sleeping soundly. Tugging her robe on over her pajamas, she hurried downstairs, certain it was John and she was now wishing she had stayed up after Reilly had fallen back to sleep. At least then, she would have been showered and dressed and looking halfway decent. Not that it really mattered to John, and in her heart she knew that.

Just thinking about him caused a smile to form on her lips but when she opened the door, the little actress froze.

"Michael?"

Michael Nouri smiled, "I called the hospital and they told me Reilly had been released, Roma. I just wanted to make sure you were both all right. I’ve been worried, but I wasn’t sure you wanted me around while Reilly was there."

Roma felt uncomfortable but also a wee bit guilty. She had blamed Michael for causing Reilly to be hurt when it hadn’t really been his fault. Not really. No, she hadn’t wanted him to follow her to the park, but the man was harmless enough and certainly he had never meant for anything to happen to her little daughter,

"We’re fine, Michael," She began hesitantly, only keeping the door open a little bit, "And I’m sorry for how I behaved at the park. I was just afraid is all. I never meant to insinuate that you-."

"Roma, it’s all right," He smiled at her briefly before his expression turned more serious, "I’d like to talk to you. Would it be all right if I came inside?"

"Michael, now really isn’t a good time. Maybe later, but now-."

He edge closer to the door, just enough to permit her from closing it completely, "Roma, please. Just ten minutes is all I ask."

Her mind was reeling and her former discomfort with this man was settling in completely once more. There was only one man she truly felt comfortable with and Michael was not him, "Not now, Michael," She attempted to close the door, but he was much stronger than she was and prevented her from doing it.

"If you’d just give me a chance, Roma. I know I could make you change your mind," He insisted.

"No!" Roma’s hands were starting to tremble, "Please, just go home!"

"I can’t do that. I love you too much to do that."

He began to force the door open a bit more, despite her best attempts to stop him. She was nearly frenzied and her entire body trembled, "Michael, please!"

Suddenly the pressure on the door subsided and looking up, Roma saw John with a rough hand on Michael’s shoulder. His olive green eyes were blazing with anger, but his voice remained relatively calm.

"I believe the lady asked you to go." His words were cold and laced with barely restrained fury, "I suggest you honor her request and I won’t call the police and have you charged with breaking and entering, not to mention attempted assault."

Michael knew he was no match for the stronger man, and he finally understood what was really going on. He’d always had a hunch that Roma was in love with her co-star, which is why he’d felt so desperate to make her love him instead. Now, the last thing he wanted was the humiliation of being taken away by the police.

"My apologies," He muttered, choosing not to look at Roma, "I won’t be troubling you again, Roma."

John watched as Michael crossed the gates to assure that he wouldn’t bother them any longer and only when he disappeared from their view did he turn his full attention to Roma, immediately noticing the tears that were in the corner of her soft doe-like eyes. Had that guy remained there for a second more, he would have made him pay for bothering her!

"Hey, angel, he’s gone now. Don’t let him spoil your day... our day!" he quickly said, cupping her face and kissing her forehead repeatedly, with his usual tenderness. But that affectionate gesture didn’t manage to put her heart at ease as she looked at him with a guilt expression on her face, "I’m terribly sorry, John! Please, forgive me, I should’ve looked through the window before opening the door, I thought it was you and-"

John was quick to wrap his arms around her small shoulders and bring her closer to him. "Shh, it’s okay, Roma. Please, don’t blame yourself for the fact that he’s so stupid! This guy should’ve known better to come in here!"

The Irish actress held him tightly and rested her head against his chest, "I should never have allowed him to get closer... I don’t even know how that happened..."

Sighing deeply, John pulled away and gently lay both hands against her face, looking deep inside her brown eyes, trying to transmit with his gaze all the loving words that were inside his heart, "Angel, it doesn’t matter anymore... if all that happened in the past was meant to result in this very moment, then it was all worth to me."

Emotion covered her meek features at hearing that and at the silent loving message he was sending her through his gaze, "It was all worth for me too..."

Not wanting her to cry or feel sad, he gave her a friendly smile, "Then I’ll tell you what: despite the fact that you look absolutely enchanting the way you are, I can tell you haven’t had breakfast yet, so what do you say if we go inside and I prepare you and our little angel something to eat, huh?"

"I’d say you’re possibly the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my whole existence..." she replied, smiling shyly but not managing to avoid the few tears that fell from her eyes. John wiped them with gentle fingers and their gaze only broke when he turned to look at her rosy lips; a kiss followed in the next second and the world seemed to stop to allow them that sweet moment, so much waited and dreamed about.

***

"Here you are... Your mocha and everything else for a good breakfast!" John exclaimed, finishing to set the table for breakfast, some time later. While the actor prepared their meal, Roma had gone upstairs to check on Reilly and have a shower, as he never allowed her to help him. He’d sent her away from the kitchen with a fake authoritarian expression on his face, earning amused giggles and tiny kisses in reply, which caused his heart to melt for the hundredth time.

They were both in the kitchen now and spent the last hour chatting and eating – John’s ability to cook was not exactly the same as Andrew’s but living alone for so long had taught him how to make something decent; and he did the best he would, as he was cooking for the two most important people in his life.

"I shouldn’t be having breakfast just now, you know. It’s almost time for lunch!" Roma sighed, resting her chin on her hand.

"Angel, you and that little one sleeping upstairs had some really tough weeks and you sure deserve to rest as much as you can. If there’s something you definitely shouldn’t worry about is the time," he gently admonished, reaching for her hand and taking it to his lips, never getting enough of her image, fascinated when her lips curved in a beautiful smile.

"You’ve been spoiling me way too much, Mr Dye! I may get used to that!"

Laughing, he bent his head and kissed her cheek lovingly, "I’ll keep on doing this again and again until you get used to that!" he said, enjoying to see her broad smile, "How did you and Reilly spend the night?"

"Well, she woke up early in the morning, still whimpering because of her arm, but then I gave her some medication and she fell asleep again."

"Good, good, cause I got some plans for this afternoon..." he spoke, with a mysterious expression on his face.

"Plans?" the confused look in her eyes only made her appear more adorable to him.

"Yes, plans for this afternoon!"

"John, I... I’m not sure if we could go out, you see, Reilly is still in a lot of pain and..."

"Who told you you’re going out, sweetie? We’ll go camping and have a picnic right here in your living room!" he said, watching as her worried expression was immediately replaced by a relieved one.

"Oh, John!"

"That is... if you allow us to make a mess around your living room!"

With her heart aching with love, she grabbed his face with both hands and kissed his lips lovingly. John immediately wrapped an arm around her waist and cupped the back of her head, deepening the kiss and entangling his fingers through her perfumed hair. They savoured that sweet caress for a long pleasant minute when a little voice come from upstairs reached their ears.

"She’s awake..." Roma spoke, immediately standing up to see her little daughter.

He also stood up from his chair, thinking that maybe he should let Roma check on Reilly alone, even if he too wanted to see the little girl who had conquered his heart forever. "I’ll tidy up the kitchen and-"

She grabbed his hand and invited him, "No, come with me, she’ll love to see you early in the morning!"

"Okay!" he gladly accepted, and followed the little actress upstairs.

Reilly’s eyes lit up when she saw her dear uncle Johnny coming through the door together with her mom, and if she was a little upset because of the cast in her arm and the pain it brought, now she sat up straight on her mother’s bed and a broad smile appeared on her face, "Uncle Johnny!"

"Hey, my little angel! How are you doing, huh?" he said, kissing her cheek and sitting on the edge of the bed together with Roma.

"The cast hurts my arm... I don’t like it!"

"Well, but you’ll have to keep it for a little while, angel. The pain will stop soon, you’ll see."

"Are you going to stay here with us today too, uncle Johnny?" she wanted to know, visibly happy to see him there.

"Yes... that is, if your mom agrees..."

"Oh, please, mommy, can’t we keep uncle Johnny?"

Highly amused, the little actress tried to hide her smile at the way her daughter talked about John and at her eagerness to have him always close to them. "Well..." she pretended to be thinking about it and Reilly practically jumped in her arms with a cute, funny pleading face, "Oh, please, please, please!"

"Okay!" Roma finally agreed, she and John exchanging a secret loving glance. He winked at her and then looked at the little girl, "And I’ll tell you a secret: we’re going camping today!"

"Yey!!!" Reilly’s loud voice, filled with happiness proper of a five year old was like music to their ears and the Irish actress lifted a silent prayer thanking God for putting John in her life. Only he could bring so much happiness to her and her daughter; only he could fill their hearts with joy in a matter of seconds, like he had just done now.

*

On that same day, at night...

"This was positively the best picnic I ever had in my whole existence!" Roma exclaimed, with a broad smile, and snuggling against John. Both were now lying on the carpeted floor of the actress living room – which was in a total mess at that moment. The armchairs and sofa had been moved in a way to form big tents with many sheets thrown over them. Blankets, pillows, sleeping bags were also spread on the floor and the room was cozy and warm due to the fireplace, which was permanently lit up.

Reilly was lying right next to her dear "uncle Johnny" inside a sleeping bag many times bigger than her small form and after such an exciting day, full of adventures in that unusual campsite, the little girl fell asleep holding Alice, her inseparable teddy bear.

"Yeah, we had the heck of great adventures! Our little angel here is off like a light!" the blond actor said, tenderly running his fingers through her auburn hair.

"So many that this time the cast didn’t even bother her..." the actress spoke, and then moved her head up to look at him, "...Only you to bring so much happiness to our life, Johnny..." she tenderly ran a hand against his cheek, "I love you so much..."

The intensity of her gaze and the affection in it caused his heart to skip a beat, and he caught himself wondering again if that wasn’t a dream. Smiling at her with the same tenderness, he cupped her face and ran his thumb across her cheek, standing just a few inches apart from her lips – so close that she could feel his warm breath against her delicate skin, "I love you, Roma... I love being with you, sharing all this with you... This day, and all the days we spent and will spend together... they’re all right here," he said, pointing to his heart, "And this is all I ever wanted."

She smiled up at him and as their eyes met she slowly felt his hand pulling her face towards his. Roma closed her eyes as he pressed his lips against hers in a loving kiss, which turned into smaller ones a minute later.

"I guess I have to agree with Reilly, you know... Can’t we do this every day?" the actress sighed, pleasantly resting her head against his chest as he chuckled at those words.

"Well, I think it’s not a bad idea at all... We could phone Martha as tell her that Monica and Andrew decided to take vacations together and that they’ll spend some days away from the show... They could even fall in love in this meantime!" enjoying to hear her giggles, he kept on talking, "That way I could even get to kiss you in scene!"

"You are hopeless!" she finally said, gazing at him once again.

John placed a few strands of hair behind her ear, drinking the beauty of her face, "No, I’m hopelessly in love... with you!"

Roma covered his hand with hers and closed her eyes for a brief moment, enjoying the soft contact. It was Reilly’s low moaning that made them turn their attention to the little girl, "I think it’s time to take her upstairs..."

"Yes, you’re right..." the blond actor agreed. While Roma picked Alice from Reilly’s arms, John tenderly scooped the little girl in his strong arms and they climbed up the stairs, heading to the actress’s bedroom. She opened the door for him and he deposited their precious cargo on her bed.

"Sleep well, my little angel." John whispered, kissing Reilly’s forehead, "I love you."

Roma covered her daughter’s small form with a warm blanket and caressed her meek face, "Thank you again, Johnny... You made her forget about the accident... you made her day a happy one..."

"No, don’t thank me, angel..." he took her hand and kissed its back, "... You know that it’s you two the ones who make every day of my life a happy one..."

She tilted her head and looked at him with so much love that it made his heart ache, "Stay with us?" The smile on his face turned into a tender one with that invitation, and she kept on speaking. "It’s late already and I don’t want you driving around the streets at night..."

"Please?"

He’d always felt like he couldn’t deny her anything, especially a request like that – and truth to be told, he didn’t want to leave either. "Of course, angel. If you want me to stay, then I won’t go anywhere."

*

Roma prepared the guest room for him and right before they went to bed, he walked her up to her bedroom door. Once they were standing there, he lay his both hands against her cheeks, tenderly cupping her face. "Well, angel... I want you to sleep well..." he kissed her forehead, "...have sweet dreams..." now he kissed the tip of her nose, "... and never forget how much I love you..." finally, he brushed a loving kiss on her lips, stifling her tiny giggles.

They gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment as if they needed to recapture something lost, and then she spoke again, "I love you, Johnny." His response was another sweet and tender kiss and her hands automatically went up his arms to his chest, then traveled to his neck and then back up to his face.

When they parted, thousands of loving words were spoken through the silence of their gaze, and only a long minute later, did John stop caressing her face. He kissed her one more time and finally his voice was heard again, "Have a good night, angel. See you in the morning..."

"Have a good night, Johnny..."

He still waited for her to close the door and only then he walked up to his room with happiness evident on his face and deep inside his heart. Equally happy, Roma lay down beside her little daughter and the permanent smile that played on her lips remained even after she fell asleep. Life could be perfect – now she finally knew that. And it was that kind, compassionate man staying at the bedroom right next to hers who was showing her that.

****

Epilogue

The road to Della’s beach house was composed by a breathtaking scenario of mountains, ravines and the deep blue sea. Over two years after they had been there for the last time, John and Roma were happy to be back at that wonderful place – though the blond actor couldn’t appreciate it as much as his girlfriend, as he had his attention on the winding road ahead. If two years ago, sorrow and pain were their companions most of the time, now coming back there was like closing a full circle. The couple of actors had recently made their relationship public and if in the beginning the paparazzi had had their time taking lots of pictures of the "angelic couple," they were now replaced by some other famous new couple, and were glad to have their privacy somewhat restored.

With the end of the season and consequent summer vacations, they both decided to take a few days off just for themselves before going to Ireland to visit Roma’s family. Reilly gladly agreed to stay with her foster grandparents and ride her pony and see the fishes in the pond, in Della and Frank’s ranch. Her mother and the one who she considered her true father would be back soon and promised to keep daily contact by telephone.

As he drove along the cost, John noticed that the Irish actress was suddenly quiet, even though the slight smile on her face as she looked through the window was an evidence she was not sad. He moved one hand from the wheel and gently placed it over her knee, drawing her attention back to him.

"You’ve been so silent, Angel... Is there something wrong?" he said, as she turned her head to face him. Her smile grew wider and she covered his hand with hers, "No, Johnny, everything is perfect. I was just... remembering."

"Oh, I see..." he took her hand to his lips, "I hope these are good memories."

The trip lasted for 30 minutes more and then they finally arrived at the beach house. John was the first one to get off the car and didn’t even have the chance to open the passenger door for Roma, she had already done it and was contemplating the beautiful house with a pensive and rather dreamy expression on her face. She felt the blond actor’s hand over her shoulder and turned to face him.

"I’ll get our bags inside, Angel; you can go and take a walk on the beach."

"Is that okay with you?" she wanted to know, not missing the great affection and understanding she could see reflected in his green pools. John knew how much that place meant to her – to both of them, in fact, and he also knew she needed some time absorbing the multitude of emotions in her heart.

"Yes. I’ll be with you in a minute." He gently cupped her face with one hand and lay a tender kiss on her lips before opening the car trunk and grabbing their bags. The Irish actress divided her attention between observing the deep blue sea ahead of her and watching her boyfriend taking their luggage to inside the house. Only when John finally disappeared through the door did she move away, heading towards the beach.

*

John didn’t take too long to get their things in their room, and when he returned to the porch, he could see his beloved Roma walking along the sand, barefoot, with her auburn hair flying with the wind that was blowing from the sea. It was a vision of the heavenly creature she portrayed in the TV show and he felt his heart full to know that he was the one blessed with her love.

The blond actor saw it when she sat down facing the deep blue ocean and walked over up to her, glad that there weren’t other people around at that time of the day – the astonishing place was only theirs for a while. But the content expression on his face suddenly clouded over as he noticed that Roma was crying. He wasted no time in shortening the distance between them and was sitting next to her on the following second, gently holding her hand.

"Roma? Angel, what is it? What happened?" he desperately wanted to know, searching for an answer deep inside her doe-like brown eyes.

And she was quick to hold him tightly and try to put his heart at ease, "I’m sorry, John... I didn’t mean to scare you..." the actress said, resting her head underneath his chin.

"Why are you crying, baby? Do you want to come back? Do you-"

"No... No, I don’t... It’s just that... this place brings me so many memories and... When I think of all I have and the chance I nearly lost, I can’t help but break down and cry..."

John closed his eyes for a moment, taking in those sincere, loving words right to his heart. "Roma... Angel..." With infinite tenderness, he tightened the hold around her small shoulders and kissed the top of her head for a long minute.

Only then did he pull away and looked at her eyes again, "There isn’t a single day I don’t rise my eyes to the sky and thank God for sending you to me..." he said, now kissing her forehead and wiping her tears.

"I came here in one of the saddest moments of my life, and now I realize how much loved I was then... and also on all the days of my existence since I met you..." After a short pause, she concluded her thoughts, "When I felt all alone and lost, you came and you changed my whole world. I’m somewhere I’ve never been before... Now I see what love means..."

Moved with those words, John looked at her with so much love that he felt the presence of tears threatening to fall from his own eyes at any moment. Gently, he caressed her beautiful face, drawing a line along her delicate jaw, "You and that little angel who is probably riding a pony right now have also changed my whole world, sweetie." His face became slightly serious then, and he kept on talking, "For a long time I was convinced that what happened here shouldn’t have happened... that it was wrong of both of us..."

She quickly shook her head in disagreement, "No, it wasn’t, it-"

But John interrupted her by gently pressing his finger against her lips. "Shh... I know, Angel... Now I know it was meant to be... We were meant to be..." he took her hand in both of his and kissed its back, "I loved you beyond words before that night. What happened then only made this love grow stronger... And that’s what my life means: loving you a bit more as the days go by..."

Roma reached out and caressed his handsome face. "I’ll love you every single moment of my life, Johnny... For as long as I live, I promise..."

Smiling, he grabbed her meek face with both hands, "I know... I can see it in your eyes, sweetie, you don’t need to promise me that..."

They were silent for a moment, arms around one another, the couple lost in each other’s loving gaze. Slowly, their faces inched closer and in another moment their lips finally met. The kiss was as soft and tentative as their first had been, and she suddenly wondered why she remembered that one tasting of tears as well.

So much had changed since then.

She was no longer the prisoner that suffered in the hands of an abusive husband and who felt totally worthless due to the atrocities David had made her go through. And John was the man who had, in the space of years, earned not only her admiration and her sympathy, but also her trust and unconditional love. He had proved his own love and devotion to her and made her feel deserving, beautiful and much loved. Roma had seen enough to know that there were angels and that God had sent one of them to stay by her side for the rest of her life, filling her existence with joy and affection, showing her day by day the meaning of being loved.

Proving her that reality could be sweeter than the most beautiful of the dreams.

The end.