Sorry about resending this everyone. I have received a couple of requests
to send this to readers. However, when I attempted to port said messages
home, my MS Exchange at work will not talk to my MS Exchange at home. By
the way, they both are the same release. Thank you Mr. Bill!!!
Oh, well. Here it is for everyone who wants it.
Ranma ½ is the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi and all of the companies
which have licensed it.
This is my first fic. Be kind, but honest in your comments.
Alternatives
It had been a long day at the Tendou dojo. It started out rather typically
for a Sunday. Ranma and Genma began sparring as the sun rose. They both
managed to stay dry and in their natural forms until Kasumi announced
breakfast. Ranma lowered his guard to go inside. Genma took advantage of
Ranma's lapse to pick him up and throw him into the Koi pond.
"Hey! Old man, the fight was over! Why did you do that for?"
"Ranma, never let your guard down until your opponent has stopped fighting.
Besides, boy, when you are a girl, you eat less food leaving more for me!.
Ha, ha, urk…"
This threw Ranma into a rage. She caught her father and kicked him in the
mouth. "Stupid old man. Geez." She then threw him into the Koi pond.
"Ha, Ha pop! Would you like some nice bamboo for breakfast?"
"Ranma, show your father where the water is when he gets back from the pond.
Thanks." Kasumi said as she put down two pots of hot water on the edge of
the porch.
After Ranma and Genma had changed, breakfast went as normally as it ever
does in the Tendo home. Ranma and Genma fought over their food. Ranma
initially edged Genma out for the larger share, until Akane became disgusted
and whammed Ranma on the head. Genma then stole all of Ranma's food.
Nabiki watched the whole scene in amusement. Kasumi smiled in her usual
manner. Soun tried to read the paper.
"So, what are all of your plans for the day, eh?" Soun asked as everyone
was finished. "Ranma, are you going to take Akane on a picnic and ask her
to set a date for your marriage?"
"NO WAY I'm going to take that macho chick out on a picnic!"
"Ranma…"
"I ain't gonna marry anyone, either, especially a girl who doesn't even look
as good as I do in a bathing suit!"
"DIE, Ranma, JUST DIE!" Akane screamed as she malleted Ranma once again.
"You deserved that son." Soun and Genma announced in agreement.
"If you ever decide to think before you say anything, Ranma, you might just
make it to twenty." Nabiki laughed.
"So, what are you going to do today?" Kasumi asked with a grin.
"I'm going to go jogging and then work on my strength." Akane said as she
left the table.
"Oh, I have a few business calls to make today." Nabiki said, "I'll be in
and out all day. I'll be back in a few hours. Bye."
The conversation was interrupted as Happosai came in. He was in his usual
training garb and had been out all night. However, his bag was empty. "Oh
what a sorry pass I've come to. For some reason all of the pretty ladies in
the district have started to lock up all of their doors and windows at
night. I couldn't get any pretties last night. If I ever find the fiend
who has changed the happy nature of Nerima into one of such distrust! Well,
I will.. Genma, Soun, how about some training? I didn't do anything last
night and I still have plenty of energy!"
"Oh, I'm sorry master we have an appointment with a … another dojo … er,
ah, that we will be reviewing, (yeah, that's it.) for their dojo renewal
license." Genma lied in his normally glib (?) fashion.
"That's right master, in fact we're late. Goodbye, come along Saotome!"
Soun said as he was racing from the room.
"Well, that just leaves me and you Ranma." Happosai says as he throws a
glass of water onto Ranma. "What do you say that you put this on and we do
some training. We'll do some speed training. Your run and I'll try to
catch ya. He He"
"You old lech, there's no way that you can get me into a bra. Especially so
that you can chase me around!"
"I'm going to change back to myself.", Ranma grumbled as she left the room.
"I want to play! I want to play!", Happosai whimpered in his cute old man
persona. "Oh, well. I'll just go to my room and play with my precious
ones."
{Author's note: Have you ever noticed any similarity between Happosai and
Gole(?sic), from the Hobbit?}
Male Ranma was in the back yard performing his katas when Ryouga showed up.
"Hi, Ryouga, where have you been?"
Upon seeing Ranma all Ryouga could think of was how it had been Ranma's
fault that he had won the first prize blue ribbon in some pet pig
competition. Though, how a spider could talk, how she could write words and
why she insisted his name was Wilbur he still didn't know. "Ranma, prepare
to DIE!!" he yelled and the fight began. After a long fight, both Ranma and
Ryouga crashed into the Koi pond. As they were crawling out, Akane came in
from her jog and saw P-Chan gnawing on Ranma's arm.
"Ranma, how many times have I told you not to pick on P-Chan!" she yelled as
she malletted Ranma into unconsciousness. As she walked away, she noticed
a blue ribbon hanging from P-Chan's bandanna. "Ooh, Kawaii"
"Where did you get that cute ribbon, P-Chan?"
"Bwee, bwee snort."
"You know P-Chan, sometimes I think that you actually understand me and try
to answer me. That's silly isn't it?"
"Bwee hu." P-Chan snorted as he big-sweated.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Ranma came to, she noticed a weight on her chest.
Ranma slowly realized that Happosai was asleep on her chest.
His head laying between her breasts.
Breasts that were held in a very lacy red silk see-through bra.
A bra that was not being covered by her shirt.
A shirt that was not on.
"AARRRGGHHH!!!, Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken" Happosai seemed to hover in space
as Ranma jumped up and punted the little pervert away.
"Ha Ha, maybe next time you'll train with me, eh, sweetums?." was heard as
Happosai flew away.
As Ranma lowered her gaze to find her shirt, she noticed that she was
wearing panties matching the bra. She was wearing nothing else Her clothes
were strewn about the yard as if they had been flung there at random.
Which, in fact, they had. Turning red from embarrassment, she saw Nabiki
walking away with her camera.
"Thank you, Ranma, these will be the best pictures yet." Nabiki said over
her shoulder with a smirk.
Oh, man, what else can go wrong today? Ranma thought to herself.
"Ranma, your mothe…, Oh, my!", Kasumi gasped behind her.
"Is this how Genma raised you to be a man among men, Ranma?" Nodoka Saotoma
queried in an icy tone. "If so, you and I need to have a long chat about
honor, ethics and proper clothing for a man."
"Mom, Kasumi, it's not what ya think! Akane knocked me out and Happosai
dressed, er, um undressed, er dressed me while I was unconscious! Honest!
Oh, I am going to kill that old lech!" Ranma moved faster than she ever had
as she grabbed her clothes and ran to the bathroom. "Let me get out of
these things and become a guy again, see ya in a minute, Mom."
After Ranma had changed back to a guy, Kasumi, Akane, Nodoka and he began
eating lunch. P-Chan was in Akane's lap being fed by her.
"Akane here told me that she hit you because you were hurting P-Chan. It is
not honorable to harm helpless animals, Ranma." Nodoka began.
"Bwee, Bwee!"
"Mom, I wasn't doin nothin to that pig. It was biting me!"
"Oh, sure, Ranma. Since when do animals come up and just bite you?
Especially little P-Chan, there's not a mean bone in his entire body. Right
P-Chan?
"Bwee!"
"Nevertheless, Ranma, it is unseemly to be caught in such a position. A
martial artist uses the Art to help others, not to be seen as one that harms
others. You should know that by now."
"Aww, mom, Of course I know that. I can't help it if I'm the one being
attacked."
"Bwee!!"
"I am more concerned about your choice of morning attire, son. A bra and
panties is not manly. Especially, when worn with nothing else."
"Ranma, you baka!", Akane gasped.
"Bwee, Bwee, Bweeheeheehee"
"Shut up P-Chan. Mom, I told ya it was Happosai, he must have put me into
that get-up after Akane knocked me out."
"Snort, Snort, Bweehehehehee" snorted P-Chan uncontrollably.
"Mm, Ranma-kun, will you be wanting to keep that lingerie?" Kasumi asked.
"No way. Uh uh. No! I don't even want to see them again."
"Ranma, If you will not be using those articles again, might I have them?".
"What???" Everyone face-faults.
"Oh, my. You don't understand. The local women's shelter is always in need
of lingerie. If you don't want to keep them, I thought it would be nice to
donate them."
Everyone big-sweats. "Uh, sure Kasumi. I didn't want to be in them in the
first place. Hmm, I think Happosai would like to donate some items too.
I'll just go up and get the donation for you."
Ranma then runs upstairs and retrieves Happosai's favorite stash of
lingerie, adds the bra and panties he wore and takes them down to Kasumi.
"Thank you, Ranma."
"No Problem, Kasumi."
Later in the afternoon, Ranma and Akane visit Ucchan's on their way back
from the local women's shelter.
"Hiya, Ucchan!" "Hello, Ukyou."
"Hi, Ranma-Honey! Akane. What brings you to Ucchan's?"
"Ranma's bottomless pit, of course. I cannot believe how much that baka can
eat."
"Akane, you know how much I work out, I need to eat just to keep up my
strength."
"Actually, Ranma, Ukyou and I both work out about as much as you do and if
we ate a quarter as much as you do we would both be fat. Right, Ukyou?"
"Yes, Akane."
"Well you're girls! Duh! I am a MAN and a SAOTOME after all. You know any
man can eat a lot more than any girl and not get fat. On top of that, we
Saotome's have very fast metabol, metbol, botulisms. We need a lot of food.
Heck, men don't even have to worry about getting fat thighs or thick waists
like you or Ukyou. That's one of the things I like about being a man, I can
eat like a pig and still look good. Even if I gain a little weight, I can
take it off in no time. Even if I overeat as a girl, I can turn back to a
guy and work it off. Ha Ha"
Akane and Ukyou exchange a glance and both start towards Ranma.
"Ranma, it's metabolism not botulism." Akane grins she pulls a mallet from
hammerspace.
"Ranchan, did you just imply that Akane and I have fat thighs and thick
waists?" Ukyou angrily asks as she unlimbers her spatula.
"Uh, no, NO! Of course not. Who gave you that stupid idea? I never URK"
Ranma babbled before getting slammed by the mallet into the spatula and
flying into low orbit over Nerima. As he flew through the air (rather, he
fell with style.), he wondered which patch of water the curse would point
him towards. As luck would have it, he fell into the Kunou family spring.
"Oh, please. Oh, please don't let them see me. There's no place like home.
There's no place like home ..." Ranma-chan repeated this mantra to herself
over and over as she tried to sneak out of the compound. As she was about
to jump over the wall, she heard Kunou begin to speak.
"Oh wondrous day, that shines upon me with two suns not one,
The first rich in the yellow of gold,
the other clothed in red so bold.
To visit upon me a love to be won.
Ah, mistress of true feminine charm,
let mine be the strength that is your protection and defense.
Oh, I pray that my acts shall never give offense.
If so, let to me and mine come to an end by grievous harm.",
Kunou soliloquizes on,
"Pig-tail Girl,
It is you I love and cherish.
Pig-tail Girl,
It is you I would date.
Pig-tail Girl,
Let us not wait.
Pig-tail Girl,
Let us marry! Oh that is my true wish!"
"Ugh, that ranks right with Akane's cooking, Kuno!"
"Thank you for the compliment. I will forever treasure it! Oh Pig-tail
girl, how my heart weeps at the torture that the evil sorceror Ranma Saotome
puts you through. Come to me, let me protect you!"
"NO! Let me try to put this in a way you can understand Kuno,
I will not DATE with you.
Not on a train
Or in the rain.
I will NOT marry you.
Not in a house
Or with a mouse
I don't even LIKE you, you see!
Kuno, just leave me be!
You cannot protect me.
You cannot protect a boat, Or even protect a Goat!
So, …
PROTECT THIS YOU IDIOT!!!!" Ranma-Chan attacks Kunou and creates a Kunou
sized puddle on the ground.
Ranma then bounds upon the wall, looks back at the compound and leaves.
"Man, I am glad that Kodachi wasn't there. Oh, there's no place like home,
there's no place like home." Ranma again begins repeating to herself as she
bounds across the rooftops back to the Tendo dojo.
As Ranma arrives back, Kasumi as she is hanging up the wash, see him and
says, "Hello, Ranma. Akane got back a little while ago. She said that you
had to work off a little of the fat in your head. Did you finish your
exercises?"
"Err, Yes, Kasumi. Man, I'm bushed. Is anyone in the bath?"
"No, Ranma, it's free right now."
"I can't believe how this day has gone.", Ranma morosely thinks as he soaks
in the warm tub. "I wouldn't be surprised if Shampoo, Kodachi or both
showed up before this day is out."
"Nihao, husband!"
"Hello, Ranma, darling. Let me wash your back"
"ARRGGHH!!!"
"What you do here you crazy rose girl?"
"I am simply here to fulfill the duties any wife should do, such as wash her
husband's strong back. Or, massage his wide shoulders, or feel his muscles
move under her touch, or …"
"Who you husband."
"Why, Ranma darling, of course."
"Ranma, no your husband! You obstacle. Obstacles are for kill!!!"
"ARRRGGHH!!!", Ranma continues to scream as he clings to the ceiling tiles
with his fingers and toes.
Akane runs into the bathroom followed closely by the rest of the household.
"What's the matter... RANMA!!!! NO!!! BAKA!!!"
In record time, Ranma is hammered unconscious. The bathroom is totalled.
Akane is pushed aside. Shampoo and Kodachi fight to a standstill.
"Chinese tramp, you fight well. But not well enough to beat me! OH Ho Ho
ho ho ho ho (Maniacal laugh, Patent pending no. 4329092771)."
"Stupid rose girl fight is finished!" growls Shampoo through her bangs as
she leaps at Kodachi, sweeps her left bon-bori at Kodadchi's head, sweeps
her right bon-bori at Kodachi's midriff and when Kodachi blocks, kicks
Kodachi in the jaw and knocks her out.
After visits to Dr. Tofu for Akane and Ranma, the day ends relatively
peacefully.
After dinner, Ranma jumps onto the roof of the dojo to do some serious
thinking.
"Man, I NEVER want to go through another day like that. Why can't I be
normal and have one fiancee! How come everyone I could be friends with
either wants to marry me or kill me? How can I ever choose one fiance and
not hurt the others? With all of the promises that pop has made, how can I
maintain my honor and the family's honor?"
"What is it that pop always says? A martial artist when faced with many
opponents should always prioritize. If there is food available, grab it and
eat it. Then fight. Your opponents will be angry that you ate their food.
Angry opponents don't fight very well. Man that's really stupid! Well I'll
just try to think things through."
Ok, How can I be Ryouga's friend? Do I want to be his friend?
Ryouga and I always fight. I have to admit that I caused the feud in the
first place.
I could have let him have the bread every once in while, Naaah. I was
hungry, I wanted it and I had to fight to get it. I couldn't have asked for
better. Fighting with anyone other than Pop was always fun. Ryouga has
always been pretty good. Also, Pop would have gotten angry and made me do
some stupid exercise if he had ever found out if I had let anyone else beat
me. I wouldn't have been a "Boy among Boys" so that I could become a "Man
among Men".
Accidentally dunking Ryouga in the Spring of Drowned Cute Little Black
Piggy, didn't help any. I was so mad at Pop for turning me into a girl. I
just didn't care what I was doing or to whom. I wasn't thinking. I wanted
to hurt Pop and I didn't care who was in the way. I am sorry for cursing
you Ryouga, do you know that? I hope you do.
You're always there whenever I have needed you. Funny about that. You can
never find anyplace, but when needed you show up. Kami-sama must have given
you a small blessing.
You have taken advantage of my honor by being Akane's little "P-Chan". I
haven't forgiven that, yet.
I think his love for Akane, (how that tomboy can be so dense as to not see
it), and mine for her is the only thing keeping us from being good friends.
If he ever needs me, I will be there.
Who are my fiancees and whom should I pick?
Ok, who do I recognize as fiancee's? There's Akane, Ukyou and Shampoo.
Kodachi considers herself one, but she scares me. I don't know how many
others there might be. Two have shown up and have lost competitions and
thus their claim. If I choose one, the others will be at the least
dishonored or at the worst possibly killed.
If I choose Akane, I would get a girl that I … I … L-word. Ha, I said it!
I would get someone who really L-words me back. ( hey it's getting easier to
say!, this ain't so bad!) She can't cook. She's smart. She's cute. She's
not bothered with my curse. We fight well together, too. She's always
there when I need someone, even when I push her away.
If I don't choose her, what would happen? She and her family would lose
face. Ukyou is an example of what can happen there. She would be hurt
really bad. So would I. Dad and I would get kicked out of the dojo. Well,
I would have someplace to stay. Pops could go to a zoo! Ha.
If I choose Ukyou. I would get a girl that I L-word, too. (Ha ha, this is
easy to say.. L-word, L-word, L-word, ha ha ha) She L-words me back. She
cooks great okonomiyaki. She's smart. She cooks great okonomiyaki. She's a
great fighter. She cooks great okonomiyaki. She's cute. She cooks great
okonomiyaki. She was my best friend when I was six. She's my friend now.
If I don't choose her, she would be crushed. Would she go back to living as
a guy? I hope not. I know how hard it is to be something you're not. She
would lose all face again. Would she be able to go home?
If I chose Shampoo, I would get someone who really L-words me. Do I L-word
her? Not like Akane or Ukyou. Could I? I think so. She's the best
fighter of all my fiance's. She cooks great She's going to be a leader of
her tribe. Cologne would train me. She's smart. She's good at strategy.
She's bad at languages. She cooks great. She's great looking.
If I don't choose her, what will happen. She will lose her position within
the tribe. She might be punished with banishment. Or worse, she might have
to marry Mousse. She would be hurt really bad.
I wouldn't mind a chance to get to know Kodachi. If she would agree to not
use any potion, poison, spice or any mind or body altering substance on me.
I don't know about marriage.
If I don't choose Kodachi, what would happen. She has already proven that
she can get very nasty. She could be violent physically or attack with her
family's resources. Either way would spell trouble for my family and
whomever I chose.
If I choose any over the others, my family will lose face. I will lose
face. My wonderful father committed our family and me to marry a Tendo
(thank kami-sama that they were all girls and not boys) and to marry Ukyou.
I fought Shampoo in China and her law says that I already AM her husband.
I'm at fault for her engagement.
What are my options?
I could commit seppuku. Unh huh. I want to live. I don't want to die.
I could leave my family and no longer be a Saotome. Pops sure wasn't a
great role model on how to be a good person. That wouldn't be too bad.
Shampoo wouldn't care. She would hunt me down. I think Ukyou and Kodachi
probably would, too. I think Akane would be too hurt and angry to do
anything for awhile. Most importantly, I am proud to be who I am and part
of that is being a Saotome.
I could live permanently as a girl. NO WAY. I'm a guy. I like girls!
Kuno's telling em that he loves me STILL gives me nightmare! [shudder]
Shampoo would be honor bound to kill me. I want to live and I want to live
as a GUY!
Geez, I've been up here all night and I still can't decide. Mom has said to
come to her with any problems. I think that I'll talk with her tomorrow.
Man, I'm tired.
=====================================================================
Thanks for reading this far. How did you like it? I had fun writing this.
I never understood how hard it is to write. Now I am getting an inkling. I
have been lurking for a while and decided to decloak.
If there are any problems with continuity, grammar or whatever, please C&C.
I want to get better. Without your comments, flames or freeze rays, I
won't.
Mike