sterman@sprynet.com (Richard Lawson)


This is the first part of a ten-part series dealing with... well, guess
who?  When was the last time you saw a Ranma 1/2 fic with the word
"rose" in in that didn't have to do with Kodachi?  :)

It's a serious story dealing with honor, mental illness, and love.  I'd
be very interested in anything you'd have to say about the story, good
or bad.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|


Ryoga and Ranma stared at each other numbly.  They each had a reason to
be absolutely horrified.

Ryoga reacted first.  His reaction was not helpful.  "Look at you!  A
boy in girl's tights!  Ha!"

Ranma snapped back.  "Look at *you*!  A boy totally naked!  Ha HA!"

It didn't make him feel any better.  In a second, maybe two, the steam
from the kettle would clear away and everyone in the gymnasium would
know his secret.  Worse, they'd see him in a leotard.  Ryoga was right -
Ranma did *not* want people to see him that way.

A spray of cold water hit them.  He looked over to see Akane standing
with a fire hose.  Ranma blew out a relieved breath as he and Ryoga
changed.  One disaster averted.

Ranma looked down to realize that another was about to happen.  The
force of the water's blast was carrying her out of the ring - and to
defeat.  She tried to swim against the force of the water, but it was no
good.

She fell to the ground outside the ring, Ryoga in pig form landing on
top of her.  Her mind shut down, with one thought ringing through her
head: she'd lost.

The water stopped.  Akane came running up to Ranma, her face a picture
of shock and horror.  "Oh Ranma, I'm sorry, I didn't mean - "

"Worry not, fair Akane."  Kuno came striding up, his face supremely
regal.  "This is all for the best.  For now that fiend Saotome has no
claim over you, and we two are free to pursue our love unfettered by the
spurious engagement forced upon you."

The look of horror on Akane's face deepened.  Ranma stared at her, and
slowly began to make some connections.  Akane had bet her engagement on
the outcome of the match.  Ranma had lost.  Which meant that...

A surreal laugh interrupted Ranma's thoughts.  "A worthy opponent you
are, little one.  Never have I been so challenged.  But the battle is
mine - and with it, the right to wed Ranma-sama!"

Kodachi laughed and laughed, and Ranma felt her world come crashing down
around her in response.

***


Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part One:  These Last So Bad


Ranma walked down the street in a daze.  His head was swimming and his
ears were ringing.  He wanted to say it was because he hadn't slept in
two days.  But he knew.  It was a truth that was hovering around him.
He had lost.  The words "RANMA LOST" were hovering over him in large
neon letters, with an arrow pointing at his head.  He just knew they
were there, knew that other people could see them and would laugh at him
as soon as they read them.

He approached the Tendo home.  He needed to sleep, and put this behind
him, and get on with his life.  Maybe tomorrow he'd be able to think
clearly.  Hell, he thought to himself, maybe there was something to be
learned in all of this.  There was a lesson in here somewhere.  The
School said so; you learned from *everything* that happened to you.

Ranma wasn't in the mood for lessons right now.

He approached the front gate, bone-weary.  He wondered if he should go
talk to Akane.  She'd gone on ahead home while Ranma had changed out of
his clothes and into another body.  She'd seemed as depressed as he was,
even a little hysterical.  He'd need to straighten some stuff out with
her.  If he could figure out what he was supposed to straighten out.  He
was just so tired.

He opened the gate, walked up to the front door, and paused.  The door
was wide open, and he could hear a familiar sound.  Akane, screaming at
someone.  He'd heard her angry before.  Lots of times.  But this time,
there was a hint of desperation that worried him.

Ranma hurried down the hallway.  Akane was standing in front of his
room, being held by Nabiki as she screamed at someone inside.  "Get
out!  You don't belong here, you've done enough damage, get OUT!"  She
easily shrugged off Nabiki's hold, but Nabiki merely held on to her
again before she could move into the room.

Ranma came up and put a hand on Akane's shoulder.  She whirled and
looked up at him, and her eyes pleaded with him.  For what, he didn't
know.

"Ranma-sama!  You're just in time."  Ranma turned to see Kodachi in his
room, packing his few belongings.  She was dressed in a simple white
shirt and a long black skirt.  Her eyes glittered as she looked at
Ranma.  "Here."  She finished stuffing the last few items into his
backpack, lifted it, and tossed it in his direction.

He caught it absently, staring at her.  "What are you doing?"

She laughed a pretty little laugh that wasn't quite her full-blown
maniacal laugh.  "Why, Ranma-sama, you are moving into the Kuno
mansion.  Akane has agreed to give you up, so now you belong to me."

Ranma threw his backpack to the ground.  "I belong to no one."

"That's right!"  A bit of triumph colored Akane's shouting.  "You can't
have him.  He's -" She broke off suddenly.

"He's what, Tendo?"  Kodachi spoke derisively.  "Your fiancee?"

Akane's face turned a peculiar shade of red - from embarrassment or
frustration, Ranma couldn't tell.

Kodachi was examining Akane closely.  Slowly, she smiled.  "You can't
say it, can you?  Go ahead, try.  I'll give him back to you if you can
call him your fiancee."

Akane just gaped at her, shocked speechless.  Ranma stared at her,
waiting for her to say something.

"As I thought."  Kodachi sniffed.  "You never really wanted him anyway.
That's why you bet your engagement on the match.  It never really meant
anything to you, did it?"

As Ranma watched, Akane's face mottled in rage.  Yet she still didn't
speak.  Ranma for some reason found her lips fascinating, wondering if
they would begin to form words.  They stayed slightly apart as Akane
breathed heavily.

"Poor dear."  Kodachi's voice was openly mocking.  Ranma turned to look
at her.  She had a wide smile on her face.  She was enjoying this
immensely, he realized.  "Forced into an engagement against your will.
You should thank me, Tendo.  I have relieved you of the awful burden of
being forced to marry Ranma-sama."

"What is this?"  Soun came up, his expression angry.  Ranma wondered
where he'd been before.  Probably hiding, Ranma thought with disgust;
the man was weak-willed and ran away from conflicts whenever possible.
The talk of marriage seemed to have flushed him out.  "Akane and Ranma
are to wed.  That is the solemn oath of the Tendo and Saotome clans."

"Ah, but your daughter has repudiated her claim."  Kodachi's voice was
ingratiating, her manner the one of a teacher patiently explaining to a
slow student.  "And besides, Ranma-sama's father has agreed to break the
engagement oath and instead allow him to marry me."

Soun straightened slightly, looking morally offended.  "Saotome-kun is a
man of honor.  He would never -"

"But he has."  She reached into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out
an envelope.  "I spoke with him after the match.  He agreed and signed
this letter as proof.  I think you'll find it confirms everything I've
just said."  She handed the letter to Soun.

Soun opened it and read it.  As he did, his face grew darker.

Akane glared at Kodachi again, finally regaining her voice.  "He never
signed that!  It's a forgery."

"I recognize the handwriting."  Soun's voice was soft and low.  And
dangerous.  "That is his signature."

"Then he was forced to sign it."  Akane grit her teeth.  "A potion,
something she made him drink, she hypnotized him, *something*!"

"My, my, you place more faith in my drugs than I do.  It was much
simpler than that.  All I did was offer him one million yen if he would
agree to those terms.  He accepted with alacrity."  Kodachi raised her
chin and crossed her arms, the picture of one who has delivered the
final, conclusive argument in a debate.

Ranma felt his heart sink into his stomach.  He knew, without a doubt,
that Kodachi was telling the truth.  Genma had done some pretty rotten
things during the course of their training.  Stealing food, clothing,
even money once in a while.  He'd use every ruse he could think of.
Often, Ranma had played the poor, miserable child, his clothes and face
dirty.  People would often take him and his father in, and Genma would
milk them for everything he could before moving on.  His father had
often spoken of what he would do when he got his hands on some real
money.

Evidently, he'd decided to finally live the high life again.  At Ranma's
expense.

Soun began to tremble.  He whirled on Ranma, his voice shaking with his
body.  "Get out of this house.  Tell that low-life oath-breaking
honorless father of yours that if I ever see him again, I'll beat him
within an inch of his life.  The Saotome family is no longer welcome in
this house."  He began to advance on Ranma, and Ranma stepped backwards
down the hallway, quite honestly frightened by Soun's demeanor.  "Leave
us right now."

Ranma walked backwards through the still-open front door and down the
path.  Soun stopped at the doorway, the letter crumpled in his hand.

Akane came up behind him and touched him on the arm.  "Father..."

"And STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!"  Soun stepped backwards into the
house, and slammed the door.  The last thing Ranma saw inside the Tendo
home was Akane's shocked face, with a tear just beginning to fall from
one eye.

"Well, that went better than I had hoped."  Kodachi's voice made him
jump.  He whirled to see her standing behind him, at the front gate.  He
wondered idly how she'd gotten there.  "Now, let's go home."

Ranma locked his jaw.  "I ain't going nowhere with you, Kodachi."

"Oh, *please*, Ranma-sama."  She tsked in irritation.  "Where else will
you stay?  Part of the agreement your father made was that you would
live in the Kuno mansion until our marriage."

Ranma blinked.  "What?"

"In fact, he insisted on it.  Which is just as well, considering what
just happened."  She raised her eyebrows.  "Are you going to abide by
the agreement your father made?  Does the honor of the Saotome family
mean so little?"

Ranma stared at her while his brain locked up.  Too much had happened in
the past couple of days.  Akane.  Ryoga.  Kodachi.  Akane.  Soun.  And,
finally, Kodachi again.  All without any sleep, thanks to Ryoga.  He
didn't know what to do, didn't know how to act.  Didn't know what to
feel.

The words she had just spoken rang through his head.  The honor of the
Saotome family.  Genma had sold his honor for a few yen.  How could such
a thing be binding on Ranma?  Just because someone came up out of the
blue and said he was honor-bound to marry them, didn't make it true.

And yet, where else would he go?  He really didn't look forward to
sleeping in a tent.  He had school tomorrow.  Best, for now, to go along
with Kodachi.  He needed a warm place to sleep tonight.  Tomorrow he
could think clearly, and then he could decide where to go.

And perhaps then he could argue with the voice that was telling him that
going with Kodachi was the only honorable thing to do.

He sighed and put on his backpack.  "All right, let's get the hell out
of here."

Something flickered across Kodachi's face, there and gone before he
could fully register it.  If he wasn't so tired, he'd think she'd been
surprised.  "This way," she said quietly.

Ranma followed her, his head ringing more than it had before.  Damn,
life was getting awfully complicated.  Again.  Like it had almost every
day since that trip to China.

This time, however, it was taking an almost sinister turn.  And Ranma
feared what horrible things might be in store for him next.

---

Ranma woke slowly.  Something was wrong, he knew that.  What, he didn't
know.

He sat bolt upright all at once.  He looked at the unfamiliar
surroundings.  He was in a bed.  He hadn't slept in an
honest-to-goodness bed in years.  And not just any bed.  This one was
big and luxurious, a four-poster affair with red silk curtains and
bright blue sheets.

The room was as sumptuous as the bed.  A desk in one corner, a large
bureau, big, comfortable chairs at various strategic locations.
Sunlight streamed through a large window.  Outside he could see trees.

Ranma's heart sank as it all came back to him.  Losing the match.
Losing Akane.  Coming to the Kuno mansion, more asleep than awake.  A
mumbled greeting to Kuno, being led up some stairs and into a room,
crawling into the bed with no more thought than that he desperately
needed sleep.

Oh my, was *this* going to be a difficult day.

Ranma slowly got out of bed.  He didn't see his backpack anywhere.  He
walked over to the chest of drawers.  He found his clothes inside.
They'd obviously been cleaned and folded neatly.  He took out a set and
considered the three doors in the room.  He opened one at random and
found that it led to a large closet, currently empty.  The next door
revealed a small, complete bathroom.

Ranma washed himself.  He avoided cold water when he did so, for some
reason uncomfortable with changing himself while he was here.  He
dressed and grabbed his bookbag, lying neatly in the center of the
desk.  He wondered if someone had done his homework for him.  That was
probably too much to ask for.

He opened the remaining door, and entered a long, wide hallway.  The
carpet here was deep and rich.  Ranma didn't like it.

He made his way down the stairs.  At the landing he looked around
again.  Damn, what a big place this was.  He felt quite uncomfortable.
He supposed he was a... a whatchamacallit.  Wolverine?  Spartan, that
was it.  What the hell good was all this stuff, anyway?  He liked a
simple house.  He liked a simple life.

Sighing, he made his way down the stairs.  His nose led him down another
hallway and into a dining room three times the size of the Tendo one.

Kuno was just wiping his mouth.  He put stood up, nodded his head in
greeting, and left without a word.  Ranma noted that he had left most of
his breakfast untouched.

He also noticed another place at the table, with a full breakfast
waiting.  He assumed it was his, and sat down at it.  He picked up some
chopsticks and took a tentative bite.  It was surprisingly good.  Ranma
didn't know, exactly, why he was surprised.  After a few weeks of
Kasumi's food, he supposed he'd been worried that anything else would
seem second-rate.

He dug in with gusto; he was quite hungry.  All of the food was good, if
flavored a little strangely.  He was just finishing up when Kodachi
appeared through another door.

She was wearing her gymnastic tights and an apron.  A hairnet covered
her hair.  She smiled as she saw him.  "Good morning, Ranma-sama."  Her
voice was a little distant.  She looked down at his breakfast, and
raised an eyebrow in surprise.  "You ate everything?"

"Uh, yeah.  It was good."

"Oh."  She turned and went back out the door she'd come in, which he
guessed lead to a kitchen.  He wondered if she had been the one to
prepare breakfast.  Come to think of it, he hadn't seen a servant yet.

He finished up the last of the food and stood up.  He pondered his next
move.  He wanted to work out, but the old man wasn't here.  Ranma
flinched; thoughts of his father were a little painful right now.  Genma
had taken betrayal to a new level.

His morose thoughts were interrupted by the return of Kodachi.  She was
holding a large cup of some steaming, foul-smelling liquid.  She handed
it to him absently.  "Here, drink this."  She then began clearing the
breakfast dishes.

Ranma looked down at the green, thick substance.  He recoiled slightly.
"What is this?"

Kodachi, carrying a load of dishes, walked past him towards the door.
"It contains antidotes to the poisons you just ate," she said distantly
as she left.

Ranma stared at the door.  He felt the cup begin to slip from his hand.
Convulsively he tightened his grip.  He looked at the concoction.  He
felt dizzy and weak, but that may have only been the panic.  Hastily he
drank the liquid, ignoring the way it burned his tongue.  It roiled
around his stomach.

He looked at the bottom of cup, horror beginning to replace the panic.
Good God, what had he gotten mixed up in?  What kind of woman was
Kodachi?  What kind of life did the Kuno family lead here?

Kodachi lifted the cup from his hand.  He looked up at her; she wasn't
looking at him, merely going about clearing off the last of the dishes.
She left the dining room again.

Ranma drew two deep breaths, walked over, picked up his bookbag, and
left the dining room.

Kuno was waiting in the hallway.  He had his school uniform on and was
looking at Ranma dispassionately.  "Saotome Ranma, let us off to
Furinkan."

Ranma stared at him numbly.  Kuno turned and walked down the hallway.
Ranma followed him, more out of habit than anything.  Mechanical,
non-thinking actions were all he was capable of right now.

He followed Kuno down the street.  Ranma managed enough lucidity to
regard Kuno for a moment.  As a walking companion to school, he was a
far cry from Akane.

Kuno seemed to feel his gaze.  "My apologies, Saotome Ranma."

Ranma blinked.  "Uh, for what?"

"I should have warned you about my sister's cuisine."

Ranma grimaced and said nothing.

Kuno continued.  "There is much about my sister I need to educate you on
if you are to wed her."

Ranma felt a bit of relief; here was familiar territory he could get
angry about.  "We are *not* going to get married!"

"Really?  Kodachi assures me that a man of your honor will live up to
the commitments of the Saotome family."

Ranma's emotions sank back down into an unfathomable morass.  Damn the
old man anyhow.

They continued without another word.  Furinkan finally came into view.
Kuno nodded as they separated.  Ranma changed his shoes and made his way
to the classroom.

He sat in his seat next to Akane.  She didn't look at him, but she
didn't look deliberately away, either.  She just looked straight ahead,
waiting for the teacher to begin.

Ranma sighed and looked forward himself.  For the first time in his
life, he couldn't wait for school to begin.

---

After school, he decided to hang out with Daisuke and Hiroshi.  He
managed to talk them into buying him a bowl of ramen - he hadn't eaten
anything for lunch, having not taken anything from the Kuno mansion with
him.  They were full of questions about the match - particularly about
the fantastic-looking girl who had the same name he did and fought the
same way he fought.  They pestered him for her phone number or where she
lived - anything.

Ranma had no inclination to tell them that they were closer to her than
they knew.  He ate his ramen and ignored their questions.

Finally, Hiroshi realized he wasn't going to get anywhere.  He instead
said with a sigh, "Well, at least we can always try for Akane."

Ranma, the last of the ramen halfway to his lips, froze and glared at
him.

Hiroshi blanched.  "H-hey!  It's... I mean, you guys aren't engaged
anymore."

"That's right," Daisuke interjected.  "She's available, right?"

Ranma spoke quietly.  "You guys lay a hand on her and I'll..."  He
trailed off.

Daisuke and Hiroshi stared at him, waiting for him to finish.  Ranma
dropped the noodles back into the bowl and leaped over Hiroshi out of
the booth.

Damn.  This he did not need.  Those two jerks would be fawning over
Akane again.  Hell, half the school would probably be asking her out.
What the hell did they see in the uncute, unsexy...

Somehow, the familiar insults seemed inappropriate.

He shook his head and decided he couldn't put it off any longer.  He had
to go back to the Kuno mansion.  To go...

It would never be home.  He'd never really had a home, just places to
stay once for a while.  Yet, for some reason, even though he'd only been
there a few weeks, the Tendo house had seemed like home.  It had been
almost... comfortable.  Now he was forbidden to go there, and all he had
was the cold, sterile Kuno mansion.

Ranma growled.  He hated this, hated feeling depressed for hours and
hours.  He needed to snap out of it.  Lifting his head, he tried to
stride confidently back to the mansion.  He even jumped onto a few
fences, something he hadn't done since the match.  His innate
self-confidence began to grow just a little.  He'd get a grip on these
problems and overcome them.  He always did.

He strode through the main gate and into the mansion.  Security was
pretty light; he didn't see any guards.  He wondered if anyone ever
tried to steal stuff.

He looked around the foyer, wondering what to do next.  Kodachi, that
was it.  Talk to her, tell her to stop poisoning him.  At least she did
it knowingly, unlike Akane.  Perhaps that meant she would listen to
reason.

He wandered up and down the halls, looking for her.  He finally found
her in an apron and hair net again, dusting a fair-sized library.  He
strode up to her and called to her in a firm voice.  "Kodachi."

She ignored him, continuing to dust the books.

Ranma frowned.  He reached over to grab her shoulder.  "Kodachi."

She turned and stared at him.  Her eyes were unfocused and her
expression was dreamy.  She seemed to be in some far-off place.  Slowly,
she began to focus on him.  She stopped about halfway back to reality,
in Ranma's not-so-expert opinion.  "Ranma-sama," she said absently.

Ranma examined her closely.  "Hello?  Kodachi?"

"Hello?  Kodachi?"  She frowned slightly.  "Yes, Kodachi."

Ranma shook his head, his recently-reacquired confidence slipping.  "I
need to talk to you, Kodachi."

"Need to talk to me, Kodachi?"  Her lip quavered.  "Need to talk to me?
Need -"  She broke off and ran past him.  As she reached the library
door, Ranma thought he could hear her begin to sob.

Ranma's mouth dropped open.  He hesitated a second, then ran after her.

She was fast, no doubt about it.  He could barely keep his eyes on her
as she ran down some stairs, down a hallway, and down another set of
stairs to a basement.  As Ranma reached the bottom of the stairs, he
heard a door slam shut.

He turned and saw a simple white door at the end of a short hallway.  He
ran to it and tried to open it, but found that it was locked.  He was
wondering whether he should break it down when he noticed that there was
a window in the door, covered by a sliding panel.  Hesitantly, he
reached up and slid the cover aside.

Inside was a small room bare of furnishings.  There were mats on the
floor, walls, and ceiling.  They were uniformly a dull gray color.  In
the middle of the room, Kodachi was kneeling on the ground cradling her
duster and rocking on her heels.  She was sobbing uncontrollably.

Ranma cleared his throat.  "Kodachi?"

"NO!  NO!"  The screams were hysterical.  She leaped to her feet and
pounded her hands against the opposite wall, hard.  The duster broke in
half, the feathered end falling to the ground.  Kodachi slid back to the
ground, still cradling the remains of the duster, and sobbing loudly.

Ranma was so entranced by the display that the hand on his shoulder
caused him to grab it, whirl around, and throw Kuno against the wall,
his forearm pressed against his presumed assailant's throat.  Kuno took
it impassively, looking down at Ranma as he would at someone who had
dirtied his gi.

"It is best that we leave her alone," Kuno said calmly.  "She will spend
the night in that room and hurt no one, not even herself.  When she is
through she will emerge and be normal again."

Ranma bit back his first question, which was to ask Kuno what "normal"
meant around here.  "How often does she do this?"

"Periodically.  Every few weeks or so.  Sometimes she does it after
having been through a stressful time."

Ranma thought back to the match and the fight at the Tendo home.  She
had seemed so calm while the others around her flared emotionally.
Evidently it had affected her more deeply than her actions at the time
would have suggested.

He stepped back and released Kuno.  He looked at him thoughtfully.  "Do
you ever need to do this?"

"No."  Kuno looked at Ranma for a moment.  "Not yet."  He turned and
strode away back up the stairs.

Ranma slumped down against the wall, listening to Kodachi weep.  He held
his head in his hands and wondered how long he would need to stay here
before he, too, needed a cell to cry in.

---

Ranma crouched on top of the wall, waiting.  Finally, he heard the sound
of the gate closing and footsteps approaching.  As they turned the
corner, he leaped to the ground.  Nabiki and Akane took a step back in
surprise.  "Hi."

They stared at him for a second.  Finally, Nabiki turned to Akane.  "I,
uh, gotta get to school early.  Got some collections to make.  I'm going
to go on ahead."  With that she took off running.

"Nabiki..."  Akane reached out as if to stop her sister, but could only
watch as she disappeared around another corner.  Finally, she turned to
look at Ranma.

Ranma looked back at her.  "Wanna... wanna walk to school?"

"S-sure."  Her eyes were wide and her expression uncertain.  They turned
and began to make their way to Furinkan.

Ranma wondered what to say.  He'd felt an overwhelming desire to talk to
Akane, but now that he was in her presence, he couldn't formulate a
thought.  "How've you been?" was the only thing he could thing to say.

"Uh, okay I guess.  I, uh, lost P-chan."

"Oh yeah?"

"I was ice-skating, and I think I left him on the ice.  I haven't seen
him since."

Ranma could tell that she was taking her pet's loss pretty hard.  Ranma
had more important things to think about than where Ryoga had wandered
off.  "Don't worry, he'll be fine.  I'm sure wherever he is, he's being
well cared for."

"I hope so."  Akane sighed.  Then she turned her head to look at Ranma.
"How have *you* been?"

Ranma looked down.  "It... it ain't been a lot of fun."

"I imagine.  Kodachi doesn't seem like the most stable person in the
world."

"You have no idea."  Ranma shuddered.  He considered Akane again.
"How's your father?"

Akane understood the question immediately.  "Still furious at your dad.
And you.  I don't think you should try and go home for a while."

Ranma muttered a curse.  "This is all so screwed up."

"Ranma."  Akane stopped.  Ranma turned to face her.  To his shock, she
looked to be on the verge of tears.  "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"  Ranma pulled his head back.  "For what?"

"For pushing you out of the ring with the fire hose.  For making you
lose the match.  F-for..."  A tear began to make its way down her
cheek.  "For screwing up your life."

"Akane!  It ain't *your* fault."  Ranma growled.  "I... I stayed up all
night practicing with Ryoga, when I should have known better."  He
shouldn't have let Ryoga goad him like that, shouldn't have fought him
all night.  "I let Kodachi attach Ry- P-chan to me, and she used the
oldest trick in the book!"  Look over there, indeed.  He'd been such an
idiot.  "And I... uh, I held back when I shouldn't have.  I mean..."

"She was a girl."  Akane had stopped crying and was even looking a
little irritated.  "She was a girl and you have trouble attacking
women.  Even when you *are* one."

Ranma grimaced.  "Hell, the fight should have been over in less than a
minute.  It would have been, if I'd been thinking clearly and not held
back.  So don't blame yourself, Akane.  I was the one that got me into
that mess."

"And *I* was the one that bet our engagement on the match."  Akane was
sounding more and more angry.  Exactly at who, Ranma couldn't tell.

"I don't see that you ever agreed.  Kodachi just announced that you
would be fighting for me, and everyone seemed to go along with it."
Ranma scowled.  "If anyone's at fault for that part, it's Pop.  He let
Kodachi buy me like some damn piece of fish at the market."

"That's right!"  Akane spun and kicked a nearby lamppost.  She made a
significant dent in the side of it.  "If I ever see him again, it's
panda steaks for dinner!"

Ranma grinned.  "I'll help serve."

Akane looked at him in surprise.  Then she smiled back for just a
second.  Fleeting as it was, it warmed his heart.  She quickly sobered.
"So what do we do now?"

"I don't know.  I was wondering if you had any ideas."

Akane sighed, and indicated that they should keep walking.  "I... I
guess we should just wait for my father to cool down.  Maybe we can make
him listen to reason."

Ranma nodded.  "Okay."

Akane looked at him out of the corner of her eye.  "Does it strike you
as strange?"

Ranma laughed without humor.  "The whole situation strikes me as
strange.  What part were you referring to?"

Akane spoke in a quiet, serious tone of voice.  "That after weeks of
protesting the engagement, we're both trying to get back into it?"

Ranma flushed.  "I'm just trying to get away from Kodachi.  Don't go
jumping to any conclusions."

Akane's voice hardened.  "I'm not.  I just don't want Kodachi to win,
that's all.  Besides, boys have started to come on to me again, and at
least they were afraid of you.  I just want to get them off my back."

Ranma nodded.  "Just so we understand each other."

"We do," Akane said icily.

They said nothing more as they approached Furinkan.

---

Ranma bounced around the large yard.  Training by himself was boring.
Even if he had mostly outclassed his father in pure skill, the old man
had enough dirty tricks up his sleeve to make the matches interesting.
At least the Kuno yard was big; he could bounce around all over the
place without having to worry about any damn koi ponds.

He stopped for a moment on the branch of a small tree.  On a very large
porch overlooking the back yard, Kodachi and Kuno were working out.
Kuno was thrusting with his bokken in a slow, deliberate manner,
following forms that had been established centuries ago and rigidly
adhering to them.  Ranma shook his head; Kuno was all forms, no skill.
Ranma could take him out any time he wanted to.

He looked at Kodachi.  Her style was unique.  He'd never even heard of
Rhythmic Gymnastics Martial Arts before.  Kodachi wore a leotard as she
practiced with two balls.  One she threw very high up into the air.  She
did a very rapid series of cartwheels and somersaults while always
keeping the other ball held high, whether it was held in her hand or
with her feet or resting on top of her head.  Finally she sprang upright
and, without looking, grabbed the second ball as it fell into her hand
cupped behind her back.

She set the ball down and picked up a ribbon.  She began whirling it
around her body in a pretty spiral that went down to her feet.  She
moved to the side, keeping the spiral going as she moved.  Then with a
snap she leaped into the air and sent the ribbon flying away from her.
And towards Ranma.

Ranma had been so mesmerized by her workout that he didn't react, only
noted that the ribbon wasn't aimed directly at him.  It snagged the
branch next to him, and Kodachi tugged on it tightly.  It changed the
arc of her leap, and she landed on the branch next to Ranma.

She smiled.  "Good afternoon, Ranma-sama."

Ranma studied her closely.  She seemed better, relative as that term
was.  Her voice was lively, even if it contained that superior tone that
always set his teeth on edge.  Already, though, Ranma had learned to
read her real mood by her eyes.  They seemed sharp and focused.  Full of
mischief.  He hated the eye shadow she used, the way it slanted her eyes
and made them look... well, evil.  But for now, she seemed to be in high
spirits.  "Hey there, Kodachi."

"Are you enjoying your stay here?"

"Um..."  Loaded question.  He tried switching topics.  "Say, do you guys
have any servants or anything?"

Her smile vanished.  "I handle the domestic duties in the mansion.  We
have no need of servants."

Ranma frowned.  "That's an awfully big mansion.  How do you keep it up
all by yourself?"

Her voice began to get a little icy.  "With diligence."

Ranma gulped, and decided to try another question.  "Where are your
parents?"

To Ranma's consternation, Kodachi's eyes began to glaze over.  "Do us
both a favor, Ranma.  Never ask about my parents again."

Ranma quickly waved his hands in a conciliatory fashion.  "Hey, I'm
sorry."

She laughed, the full-throated laugh that always frightened Ranma.
"Don't worry, Ranma-sama," she said through the laughter.  "It is of no
concern.  Come, let us practice together as a good family should."  With
that, she pushed him out of the tree.

"Hey!"  He flipped in the air landed on his feet.  He glared angrily up
at her.  "What do -"

He was interrupted by a ribbon whipping the end of his nose.  "Ow!"  He
jumped back and covered his nose with his hands.  That had hurt.

Kodachi landed, laughed, and threw a ball at him.  He blocked it with a
forearm.  He moved his head aside as the ribbon snaked past.  He growled
and leaped away, only to be struck in mid-air by Kuno's bokken.

Kuno looked irritated.  "Saotome!  Stay out of my way while I practice."

Ranma stuck his tongue out at him while he flew through the air.  He
turned to see where he was going to land.  He felt the blood drain from
his face as he saw the pond approaching.

Damn it all, anyway, he thought.  Where does all this stupid water come
from?

Ranma entered the pond with a splash.  She touched the bottom,
frustrated.  What to do now?  She could hold her breath a long time;
perhaps she could find a way to sneak out of the pond without anyone
seeing.  She turned around with the idea of seeing how big the pond was
and what was on the other side.  She found herself face-to-snout with an
alligator that was regarding her curiously.

Ranma let her breath out trying to scream.  She pushed off the bottom
and shot out of the pond, landing on the ground a few feet away.  She
scrabbled backwards on her seat until she came to the feet of Kodachi.
She pointed frantically at the pond.  "There's... there's... there's an
alligator in that pond!"

Kodachi was looking at her in shock.  Kuno came up and stared down at
her, his face equally surprised.

Ranma flushed, realizing that she had just given her secret away.  They
knew.  They knew everything now.

Still, she thought, perhaps this was for the best.  If Kodachi knew that
Ranma was sometimes a girl, she'd perhaps want nothing to do with her.
And Kuno would certainly be angry that one of his beloveds was actually
a guy.  The more Ranma thought about it and the longer the Kuno siblings
stared at her, the better she thought her chances were that her problems
were solved.

Finally Kuno dropped his bokken.  "Pig-tailed girl!"  He scooped her up
and hugged her closely.

Kodachi glared at her.  "What are you doing in my pond, you dreadful
woman?  Where have you hidden my fiancee?"  She produced a club and
smashed Ranma over the head with it.  "The Black Rose will punish you!"

Ranma closed her eyes as she was glomped by one crazed Kuno sibling and
attacked by the other.  She should have realized that *nothing* was
going to get resolved so easily.  And, she realized with a shudder, it
was only going to get worse before it got better.

If it ever did.

Ranma tried to keep from crying while the Kunos lavished their special
attention on her.

~*~

END PART ONE



This is part 2 of a ten-part series that deals with Kodachi, Akane, and
Ranma.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.

Previous parts can be found on my web page (URL below).

I'd be glad to listen to any comments you might have.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|


Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Two:  What Honor Compels


Ranma watched the birds across the street.  They seemed to be playing a
lively game of tag.  One would take off, and another would immediately
follow.  They'd flit across and around the street before coming to rest
on a wire or tree branch, chittering loudly.  Ranma enjoyed their lively
play.

Nabiki walked by, smiling and winking her eye.  Ranma nodded absently to
her.  Soon thereafter, Akane came by.  Ranma straightened from where he
crouched atop the fence and walked along it next to Akane.

They walked for a while in silence before Ranma asked the same question
he'd been asking for a week.  "How's your father?"

"Angry.  So angry still."  Akane's voice was mixture of frustration and
sadness.  "He keeps talking about how betrayed he feels.  His life-long
friend has sold his son, choosing money over honor."

Ranma shook his head.  "I kinda always thought our fathers were just the
same.  But there's one big difference.  Your father has honor."

"Yeah.  Maybe too damned much.  I don't know why he's taking it out on
you."

"Sins of the father and all that."  Ranma shook his head.  "How long do
you think it'll be?"

It was another question Ranma asked almost daily.  This time, however,
Akane's answer was a lot more pessimistic.  "A long time, I think.  He's
not furious any more, but his anger is constant, simmering.  I haven't
seen him this way since... in a long time."

"Damn."  Ranma was a little surprised at the vehemence in his voice.

Akane tried to mollify him.  "Don't worry, we'll get through to him.
Nabiki works him over all the time.  Even Kasumi helps, in her own way.
He'll break down.  He always does."

Ranma allowed himself to take a little comfort in her words.  He knew he
needed all the hope he could get.

Akane looked over at him.  "Still bad?"

My, she was being solicitous today.  Ranma shook his head.  "Nothing I
can't handle."

Akane said nothing in a very irritated way.  Ranma let out a sigh of the
unjustly persecuted.

They went on to school in this manner.  Ranma had to fight hard not to
smile.

---

Ranma ducked under the hoop and crouched, waiting for Kodachi's next
attack.  She had another hoop in her hand and was whirling it above her
head, watching him closely.

Ranma took in the tactical situation.  He had to stay away from the
pond, for more than the obvious reasons - the alligator behaved nicely
around Kodachi, but he'd seen it devour a side of beef with unbridled
enthusiasm.

Ranma also had to avoid Kuno.  Kuno always stayed in one area of the
backyard, but defended that area with vigor.  While Ranma could handle
Kuno easily, he'd leave an opening while doing so, and Kodachi was
uncanny at exploiting such openings.

Another hoop came flying at him.  He rolled to the side as the hoop
buried itself deeply into a tree.  Kodachi was not holding back at all.

Ranma kinda liked that about her.

Still, he was beginning to figure her out.  As versatile as her attacks
were, they were still limited in number.  He had the hoops, balls, and
clubs worked out; she'd never be able to hit him with any of those.

The only thing he hadn't yet got a handle on was her ribbon.  As he
watched, she pulled the damn thing out and began twirling it ominously.
She could do a heck of a lot of things with it, as if it were a part of
her body she could control with just a thought.

Ranma slowly straightened, keeping his hands ready.  He wanted to try
something different today.  The ribbon came flying at him.  Instead of
trying to avoid it, he grabbed it with his hands.  Kodachi tried to rip
it out of his hands, but he was ready for it and instead gave the ribbon
a strong tug himself.  Kodachi, refusing to let go, was lifted off her
feet.  She flew through the air a few feet before landing,
somersaulting, and jumping to her feet.  By that time Ranma had gained
enough slack on the ribbon to throw a couple of loops around her,
pinning her arms to her side.

Ranma grinned.  "Gotcha."

"That you did, Ranma-sama."  Her voice was a little off.  Ranma studied
her, and noticed that her cheeks and eyes were shining.  Ranma winced
internally; for the past couple of weeks she had been bright and
cheerful.  She still poisoned his food - Kuno had been a big help in
identifying what was safe to eat - and she fed her dangerous pets with
relish.  But overall she'd been friendly and almost nice.

Yet there was always an edge to her voice, a hint of something only
barely controlled.  It surfaced sometimes when she laughed.  Now it
seemed to be coming out again.  Ranma quickly went over and unwrapped
the ribbon.  "You okay?"

She laughed, which caused the hair to rise on Ranma's neck.  "I'm fine,
Ranma-sama!"  Still laughing, she bounced into the house, leaving black
rose petals in her wake.

Ranma frowned.  The rose petals were new.  That is, this was the first
time he'd seem them since moving into the mansion.  He wondered what
they meant.  He wondered if it was safe to wonder.

Kuno finished his practice and walked by Ranma into the house.  They
ignored each other.  Ranma had never cared much for the pompous jerk,
and the extra time with him hadn't improved Ranma's opinion.  Kuno, for
his part, seemed to ignore just about everything.  He lived in some
private world that only allowed for occasional intrusions by reality.

Ranma waited a moment for Kuno to find his way, then went in after him.
He walked down the hallway, and stopped at the sight of Kodachi.  She
was still wearing her leotard, but had thrown an apron over it.  She was
on her hands and knees polishing the woodwork.

He never could understand it.  Kodachi would spend hours each day
maintaining the large Kuno mansion.  There were, indeed, no servants
employed by the Kunos.  Kodachi did all of the domestic work herself.
She threw herself into the menial tasks with zeal, cleaning, dusting,
vacuuming, and washing for hours on end.  She was Kasumi on
amphetamines.

Ranma stepped down the hallway so he could see her face clearly.  Her
eyes were mostly focused, which was good.  She was concentrating every
bit of her attention on the grains of wood in front of her.  Ranma knew
she would be doing this late into the evening, possibly even after
midnight.

He decided to leave her alone.  He went up to the room he slept in.  He
didn't want to call it "his" room; he didn't feel comfortable in it.  He
hadn't slept in a bed in years, and found the things too soft and
luxurious for his tastes.

Also, he hadn't slept alone in his entire life.  Much to his disgust,
there was a large part of him that missed the company of the old man.

Ranma shook his head to clear it of such thoughts.  He washed up in the
private bathroom off of the bedroom.  And then, because he had
absolutely nothing else to do - heck, even a fight with Ryoga wouldn't
have been so bad - he began his homework.

---

Ranma dropped into place beside Akane.  They began their journey to
school together.

Ranma spoke quietly.  "How's-"

"Nothing's changed."  Her voice was irritated and angry.  "If something
changes, I'll tell you.  There's no reason to pester me every day."

"I ain't pestering you!"  Ranma whipped his head away.  "No reason to
take it out on me."

"Take *what* out on you?"

"The fact that you- we're not engaged anymore.  It ain't my fault."

"Who says I wanted to be engaged to you, idiot!  Go ahead and sleep with
that deranged floozy, see if I care!"

"I am *not* sleeping with her!"

"You have merely to ask, Ranma-sama."

Ranma nearly jumped out of his skin.  Kodachi dropped from a tree and
landed in front of them.  She was dressed in the school uniform of St.
Hebereke's, which was nowhere near Furinkan.  Her eyes were slightly
wild and drifted in and out of focus.

She looked angrily at Akane.  "Is this how you keep your promises?"

Akane's temper was more than equal to the task.  "I never made any
promise.  You just assumed I had.  Nobody asked what I wanted.  Nobody
*ever* asks what I want!"

"Poor dear."  The words were said with a ghost of mockery, as if Kodachi
was trying to taunt Akane but couldn't quite remember how.  "Everyone
picks on you, how sad."  Her voice hardened.  "Still, you would do best
to remember that your engagement was nullified.  Ranma belongs to me."

That was enough for Ranma.  "Shut up, Kodachi.  Damn it!  I belong to no
one!"

Her eyes swiveled to meet his.  "Is this how you operate, Ranma-sama?
Do you have so little honor that you cannot see any commitment through
to completion?"

The words cut him to the quick.  "I have honor, Kodachi."

"Oh?"  Akane now turned on him.  "What does that mean?  Do you *want* to
marry that... that... Kuno?"  She said the family name as if it was an
insult.

"I didn't say that!"  Ranma was angry beyond reason.  "You're always
jumping to conclusions, always assuming the worst about me, always
calling me a pervert and stuff.  You can't think of why I might be glad
we're not engaged any more?"

Akane exploded.  "I only said those things because you *are* a pervert.
You probably peek in on Kodachi and pose for Kuno, right?  I don't know
why we keep trying to get you out of that hellhole.  You and Kodachi
deserve each other."

She stepped around Kodachi, heading towards Furinkan.  "Keep him, see if
I care."

Kodachi called after her in a reasonable simulation of anger.  "Stay
away from my fiancee!"

Akane yelled over her shoulder.  "Tell your fiancee to stop pestering
me!"  She began running quickly away.

Kodachi turned back to Ranma, a small smile on her face.  "Good.  That
problem is solved."

Ranma had never wanted to hit a woman so much in his life.  Had never
wanted to hit *anyone* so much.  "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"  He was
surprised by how soft and deadly his voice was.

She laughed insanely, as always.  "Merely protecting my investment,
Ranma-sama.  Can't let some harridan take you away from me."

Ranma made a fist with one hand, then unclenched it after a second.
"Get out of my sight," he said through clenched teeth.  He stepped
around her, taking the same route Akane had taken.

"Ranma-sama..."  Her voice sounded almost pleading.  Ranma couldn't care
less.  He needed very much for her to disappear forever.

---

Ranma lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling.  Life was hell.

School had been decidedly unpleasant.  He and Akane had ignored each
other with a ferocity that sent whispers throughout the halls of
Furinkan.  Ranma had snapped at everyone around him and had spent a good
deal of time out in the hallway holding a bucket of water.

Returning to the Kuno mansion had found Kodachi folding clothes at a
frenetic pace.  All of Ranma's dinner had been poisoned, leaving him
with what he could scrounge from the kitchen.  Kodachi had not
participated in a workout after dinner, instead concentrating on
polishing the silverware.  Ranma had examined her eyes; she was mostly
present, but flickering wildly in and out of reality.  He had judged her
to be several days away from re-entering the cell, if his limited
experience was any guide.  But she had been extremely worked up, and
dealing with it in her own peculiar way.

Ranma sighed and wondered at what his life had come to.  Everything had
been relatively okay until China.  When the old man had taken him to the
springs with no idea of the dangers that lurked there.  When the old man
had forced him into an engagement with someone he'd known nothing
about.  When the old man had reneged on that engagement and sold Ranma
to an unbalanced woman.

Damn the old man anyhow.

"Psst."

Ranma frowned and sat up.  "Kodachi, go to bed."

"Shut up, boy."  The stage whisper was coming from the window.  "Pack
your things and let's get out of here."

"Pop!"  Ranma sprang up and ran over to the window.  Genma was crouched
on the windowsill, looking furtively around.

"Hurry," Genma whispered urgently, "before the Kuno family ninjas come
after us."

"They don't got no ninjas, Pop."  Still, hurrying before Kodachi found
out was good.  "Wait."

Ranma ran over, opened the closet, and grabbed his backpack.  He spent
two frantic minutes shoving his things inside.  He was missing some of
his clothes, including one of his favorite shirts.  Kodachi had them
with the laundry.  The hell with them, he decided.  He had other
priorities now.  He shouldered his backpack and ran to the window.
"Ready."

Genma was looking around the well-appointed room.  "Did she give you any
money?  Jewels?  Surely she gave you something nice and valuable that
isn't too heavy?"

"Pop!"  Ranma pushed him off the windowsill.  Genma fell to the ground
and stared up in surprise.  Ranma jumped and landed lightly on the
ground beside him.  "Enough, Pop.  I don't want to take nothing from
this place.  Let's go."

Genma grunted in disappointment.  Nevertheless, he ran off into the
night.  Ranma followed.

They ran through the streets, backtracking and changing direction
several times.  It was a routine Ranma was familiar with; his father was
trying to avoid any would-be pursuers.  Ranma wondered when they would
begin to make their way back to the Tendo Dojo.

After a while, it became clear they were leaving the city.  Ranma looked
back towards Nerima and grabbed Genma's arm.  "Pop, where are we going?"

"We can't stay here, boy.  It's too hot.  Kodachi will be looking for
us, and Tendo has... well, we won't be welcome there for a long time."

Ranma growled, but had to accept the logic.  Maybe in a few months they
could return, and Kodachi would have forgotten all about Ranma and
fixated on something else.  And Soun wouldn't be mad anymore and would
let them say in the Tendo house again.  And Akane... and Akane would be
there.

Ranma resigned himself to patience, something he wasn't used to.
"Okay.  Where are we going?"

Genma turned and began walking off.  "San Francisco."

Ranma stood frozen.  Genma walked quite a distance before reluctantly
turning back to stand in front of Ranma again.  "C'mon, boy, who knows
what forces she can bring to bear?"

"San Francisco?  San Francisco?"  Ranma literally could not believe his
ears.

Genma sighed.  "We need to get far away.  Besides, I have a friend we
can stay with.  Owns a jewelry store there.  His wife's younger sister
is unmarried, too.  I was thinking -"

"San FranCISCO!"  Ranma grabbed his father's gi.  "Are you outta your
mind, Pop?  I am *not* going to America."

"Boy," Genma said in a pleading voice, "we can't stay here.  Kodachi's
got thugs that can track us all over Japan.  Besides, America will be
good for you.  Maybe we could get you into the movies or something."

"That is IT!"  Ranma shoved Genma away.  "I am damn tired of you
screwing around with my life, Pop.  First China, then the engagement,
then Kodachi, and now this!  Not to mention all the trouble we got into
before.  I've had enough!"

Ranma spun on his heel and stormed away.  "You've screwed up my life
enough.  You sold me, Pop.  Sold me and deserted me.  I'd say that means
you've given up the right to tell me what to do."

Ranma stopped when he felt Genma's grip on his shoulder.  "Boy."  Genma
sounded defensive, almost petulant.  "I was always coming after you.
This was an easy way for us to make a million yen.  Now we've got it and
we can move on, go to the next town like we always have."

Ranma turned his head and looked at his father.  "Does honor mean so
little to you?  Just a way to fool people long enough so you can steal
from them?  I thought you were better than that.  You taught me better
than that.  Why can't you live up to your own words?  Why can't you
uphold the honor of the Saotome clan?"

The old man didn't answer.  He stared at Ranma, something like shame
covering his face.

Ranma shrugged his shoulder out of his father's grasp.  "Don't even try
to talk to me until you've grown up, Genma."

He stalked off, leaving his father behind.

---

The streets of Nerima were mostly deserted.  Ranma walked through them
with no clear idea of what he was going to do now.

In the back of his mind, he'd always known that the old man would be
coming for him.  He'd been biding his time, waiting for Genma to rescue
him.  Little had he realized that he was only going to be taken from one
bad situation and put into another.  He couldn't rely on Genma anymore.
For anything.

So what was left to rely on?

Honor.  The word came back to him.  So long he had berated his father
for having no honor, yet he had been willing to run away from his
obligations at the drop of a hat.  He'd been having a bad time - a
*horrible* time - and had jumped at the chance to escape.

"Do you have so little honor that you cannot see any commitment through
to completion?"  Kodachi's words buzzed through his head.  As horrifying
as it was, his father had the right to arrange whatever engagement he
saw fit.  He had arranged something with Kodachi that, despite the
motivations behind it, Ranma was honor-bound to accept as valid.  The
prior engagement to Akane was not binding at this time, since both Genma
and Soun had repudiated it.

Ranma idly wondered what other agreements Genma had made on his behalf,
and when those might be coming up to bite him.

Ranma grimaced.  There was no helping it.  He'd have to stay with
Kodachi until he could find a way to get her to annul the engagement.
Once Kodachi had released him, he could go and talk to Soun and try to
convince him that honor meant more to him than it did to his father.

He remembered Akane's angry shouts this morning and quickly revised his
plan.  All he had to do right now was get out from underneath Kodachi's
thumb.  He could decide what to do then.

Reluctantly, he made his way back towards the Kuno mansion.

This late at night the gate was locked, the only token effort at
security the Kunos made.  Ranma had never bothered to learn the code to
activate the gate; instead, he leaped over the wall and landed inside
the grounds.  He made his way to the mansion and entered the foyer.

The mansion was dark.  Ranma removed his shoes and padded across the
thick carpet.  He stepped on something sharp and cried out.  He reached
down and picked it up, examining it as best he could in the darkness.
It was a fork.  One of the pieces of silverware Kodachi had been
polishing earlier.

Something twisted Ranma's stomach.  He walked into the dining room.  As
his eyes adjusted he could see more silverware littering the floor.  A
few of the knives were stuck in the wall.

"Damn," Ranma said softly.  Using all of the courage he could muster, he
reentered the hallway and found the door that led to the basement.  He
opened it and walked down.

The lights were on.  He could see the door at the end of the hallway
perfectly, just as he could hear the sobs quite clearly.

Ranma moved slowly down the hallway.  He paused at the door, then used
all of the willpower he had at his disposal to slide open the window.

Kodachi was inside, wearing her apron over her school uniform, just as
he'd seen her last.  She was kneeling on the ground, crying and sobbing
and rocking on her heels, all just like before.  This time, however,
instead of the feather duster, she was cradling one of Ranma's shirts.

Ranma closed the window with a snap.  The crying inside continued
unabated; he was certain she wasn't aware of him.

He didn't want to do this.  He didn't want to be here.  Every fiber of
his being called on him to run down the hallway and up the stairs.  He
wanted to find his father and go to San Francisco and leave this all
behind.  Problems unrelated to martial arts were things to be avoided if
possible, run away from if necessary.  He'd never had to deal with
anything serious, never had to help someone with a deep emotional
problem, and he preferred to keep it that way.

Run.  Run now.  Leave your honor behind.  What the hell good has it ever
done you anyway.

Ranma reached down and grabbed the door handle.  He tried to turn it.
It was locked.  He began to pull his hand away, paused, then gripped it
tightly and twisted convulsively.  Something snapped, and the door swung
open.

Kodachi turned at the intrusion.  She looked up at him.  He had to keep
from recoiling.  Her eyes were red and her face was puffy.  Her
eyeshadow had mixed with her tears and left black streaks running down
her face.  Her lip was trembling and her eyes were distant, unfocused,
mad.

Ranma quailed and actually leaned backwards, preparatory to turning
around and running.  He scrapped together every last bit of courage,
honor, and self-respect that he possessed, and held his ground.

Slowly, very slowly, her eyes began to focus.  As they did, astonishment
began to fight through her sobbing, along with a kind of fearful hope.
"R-Ranma-sama?"

Ranma nodded.  "Yeah," he said in a subdued voice.  "It's me."

"You... you came back.  You didn't leave me."  She said this with
amazement.

Honor compelled him to say the next words.  Honor, and something else.
He knelt on the ground in front of her as he said them.  "I ain't gonna
leave, Kodachi.  Not without your say-so."

Her sobs, which had been ebbing, began again in full force.
"Ranma-sama!"  She reached over and hugged him fiercely, sobbing into
his chest.  This sobbing sounded a little different.  Ranma could
hear... control.  It wasn't hysterical, it wasn't unstoppable.  It
sounded more like... relief.

He sighed and hugged her to him, stroking her hair and comforting her.
And as he did so, he felt something release inside him, something that
told him he had done the right thing, and had begun something that was
going to be all right.

~*~

END PART TWO  (more to come)



This is the third part of a ten part series focusing on Ranma, Kodachi,
and Akane.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous
parts can be found on my web page (URL below).

Let me know what you think.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Three:  Why Should He Live


Ranma began to drift awake.  It was taking a long time.  Well, it
*always* took a long time; sleep was something he enjoyed a lot.  This
time, however, he felt particularly resistant to the idea of regaining
consciousness.

He had enough awareness now to realize that he wasn't in his bed.  He
appeared to be sitting against the wall.  A padded wall.  There was a
weight on his stomach.  And his hand was resting on something... soft.

Finally he could deny it no longer.  He woke up.

He was in the cell, as he feared he would be.  And Kodachi was sleeping
with her head on his stomach, also as he feared.  His hand was caught up
in her hair, resting lightly on her head.

"Damn," he swore softly.  Again.  Kodachi had hugged him and sobbed into
his chest for half an hour last night.  Then she had sniffled for
another hour, her arms still wrapped around him.  He'd had an arm draped
over her shoulders and had been absently stroking her hair.  Finally,
she'd fallen asleep, and Ranma had not wanted to disturb her too
quickly.  He'd decided to wait until she was deep asleep before moving.
Unfortunately, he had evidently fallen asleep himself.  Somewhere during
the night their positions had altered slightly.

Ranma studied Kodachi's face.  It looked peaceful, although it was
frightfully streaked with her eyeshadow.  Still, Ranma knew that a
peaceful look meant nothing on Kodachi - it was her eyes that told the
story of her rationality, and he couldn't see them.

He imagined what her reaction was going to be when she woke up.
Overjoyed, probably maniacally so, to wake up in his arms.  The sickly
sweet devotion she'd shower on him.  Calling him "Ranma-sama" over and
over.

Ranma wanted no part of that.

Slowly he disentangled his hand from her hair and lifted her shoulders.
He scooted out from underneath her and gently laid her on the mat.
Quietly, he gathered himself and opened the door.  He heard her groan
softly, and quickly stepped through the door and ran lightly down the
hallway.

He ran to his room, his mind in a whirl.  Sleeping with Kodachi was
something he never thought would happen, and he hoped never to repeat
the experience.  For some reason, he kept thinking guiltily of Akane.

He ran into the bathroom, glancing at the clock as he did so.  He didn't
have much time.  He threw off his clothes, quickly soaped up, filled a
bucket with water, and dumped it over himself.  She realized her mistake
instantly.  Growling, she quickly filled it again with hot water and
changed back.

Ranma ran out into the bedroom and ground to a halt.  He realized two
things instantly: Kodachi was standing in the bedroom doorway, and he
was naked.  Reacting quickly, he dove into the walk-in closet.  Someone
had put his backpack there.  No need to guess who.

Still, it was convenient.  He put on a fresh set of clothes, grabbed his
bookbag, and walked back out into the bedroom.

Kodachi had not moved.  Ranma noted that she had washed her face.  It
was completely devoid of makeup.  In fact, Ranma had a little difficulty
believing it was her.  She looked cute without all the eyeshadow.

Her eyes, he was saddened to notice, weren't entirely in focus.  "Where
are you off to, Ranma-sama?"

Ranma felt a bit of annoyance.  As usual, she was ignoring how impolite
it was of her to peek in on him, concentrating only on the things that
affected her.  "I'm off to school.  I'm gonna be late."

Her voice was neutral, which Ranma knew was dangerous.  "You have plenty
of time.  My brother will not be leaving for another twenty minutes."

Ranma shrugged.  "I like to be early."  He moved closer to the door, but
she didn't move out of his way.

"You're going to meet her again, aren't you?"  The voice contained no
hint of accusation, but her eyes drifted farther out of focus.

Damn.  He had no time for this.  He turned and walked towards the
still-open window.

"Ranma-sama!"  Her voice sounded a little shrill.  "You stay away from
her!  You belong to me!"

Ranma whirled so quickly he surprised himself.  He glared at her.
"Listen to me, Kodachi, this is the last time I'm gonna say this.  I -
belong - to - nobody."

She just looked back at him with her cute face and unbalanced eyes and
an expression that was part hurt and part supplication.  Ranma couldn't
bear the sight of it, so he turned and jumped out the window.

This was nuts, the whole thing was nuts.  He wanted to get away, to get
Kodachi to let him go.  Yet all he had done was given her more reasons
to obsess over him.

Ranma considered, for the first time, the possibility that she would
never let him go.  He shuddered.

Lost in his morose thoughts, he didn't realize where he was headed until
the gates of Furinkan came into view.  He blinked at them.  He'd meant
to go meet Akane, but his feet had taken him here instead.  His stomach
twisted a little at how Akane would feel about him skipping their
morning rendezvous, especially after the fight they'd had yesterday.  It
wouldn't be pretty.

She'd probably yell at him.  In a way, he was looking forward to it.

Smiling, he entered the schoolyard.

---

Ranma loitered near the shoe lockers.  She readjusted her pants slightly
to they wouldn't slip, and waited.

Akane appeared and blinked at her.  Ranma looked back.  This had been
another day of silence between them, although there had been none of the
heat of yesterday.  Now Akane didn't look mad, merely surprised.
"Ranma?"

"Akane."  Ranma lifted her bookbag over her shoulder.  "Do you wanna...
wanna get an ice cream or something?"

Akane looked at her for a second.  "S-sure."  She opened up her locker,
changed her shoes, and walked with Ranma out of the school.

They found an ice cream shop, relatively removed from the after-school
crowd.  Akane ordered a milkshake and Ranma ordered a sundae.  They were
quickly served.  Akane took a slow, thoughtful sip, looking at Ranma and
not seeming to be paying any attention at all to the milkshake.  Ranma
shoved the ice cream around with her spoon, not knowing what to say.

Akane finally broke the ice.  "Why are you a woman?"

Ranma grimaced.  "Kodachi."

"Hmm?"

"Well, you know, she doesn't like it when we're together.  You saw her
yesterday.  Today she's... a little wacko.  I'm afraid of what she'd do
if she saw us together."

Akane made a little 'o' of understanding.  "And she doesn't know that
this is you, too."

Ranma nodded.  "I figure we're as safe as we can be."

Akane took a dutiful sip of her milkshake, her attention obviously
focused on Ranma.  "So..."

Ranma scooped up the cherry and let it fall again.  "So."

"You wanted to see me."

Ranma lifted a corner of her mouth.  "Sorry about yesterday."

Akane nodded solemnly.  "Me too."

The air thick with silence.

"Uh, Akane..."

"Yes?"

"You know I'd do anything to get out of that damn mansion, don't you?"

"Do I?"

Ranma lifted her eyes from her sundae to Akane.  Akane's face was
studious.  She hadn't spoken in anger or accusation; she seemed to be
merely asking for clarification on a minor technical point.  Ranma
gathered her courage.  "I mean, you know, it wasn't so bad when I was
living with... at your house."

"I... I don't think it was so bad having you and your father as our
guests."

Ranma drew a deep breath.  There it was, the first admission made on
both sides.  Not much, but it could perhaps be a foundation to build
on.  Ranma tried to slow her racing heart, calm her raging thoughts.
She needed to say this next thing carefully.  For once, just once, she
had to slow down and work it out.  She had to get this right.

Ranma shoved the melting mess of ice cream aside and leaned forward,
looking into Akane's eyes.  They widened slightly before she, too,
pushed aside her milkshake and leaned forward.

Then the wall exploded.

Ranma instinctively reached over to pull Akane's head down to the table,
covering it with her own arms.  The wall collapsed inward, raising a lot
of dust.

Ranma looked over, half-expecting to see Kodachi in a rage.  There was a
shape outlined in the settling dust, and as it resolved itself, Ranma's
mouth went dry.  Not now.  Of all times, not now.

The shape pointed one of its weapons at her.  "Ranma.  I kill!"

Akane had raised her head and was looking at the young woman curiously.
Ranma barely registered that, instead leaning back in the booth, trying
to stay as far away as possible.  "Sh-sh-shampoo!"

Shampoo fairly radiated anger tinged with triumph.  "Ranma!"  She raised
one of her bonbori.  "Kill!"  She leaped for the table.

Ranma vaulted away, noting that Akane had rolled under the booth and
out.  Shampoo's bonbori smashed the table where Ranma had been leaning.

Ranma landed atop a counter, still unable to fully come to terms with
what she was seeing.  "Shampoo.  How'd you get here?  When did you learn
Japanese?"

Whatever Japanese she had learned was apparently limited in scope.
"Kill!"  She lunged forward again.  Ranma barely escaped as the bonbori
reduced the counter to rubble.

Ranma found herself back against a wall.  This was too much, too much to
deal with.  Akane and Kodachi and now Shampoo too.  She had to get
away.  *Had* to.

Shampoo, however, was a woman on a mission.  She was closing in now, her
prey cornered.  "Time to die, Ranma."

"Hey!"  Akane grabbed one of Shampoo's wrists.  "What do you think
you're doing?  Who are you?"

Shampoo fixed Akane with a cold stare.  "This personal.  You leave, no
hurt.  You stay, kill."  She broke free of Akane's grasp, looked back at
Ranma, and took a step towards her.

Akane tsked and reached for Shampoo again.

As fast as a cat, Shampoo whirled and struck at Akane with a bonbori.
Akane was able to leap away, but just barely.

"Stop!"  Ranma leaped forward.  She hated to hit women, absolutely hated
it.  But she also couldn't let Akane get hurt.  Ranma tried for a
disarming move; Shampoo was much less fearful without her weapons.

Shampoo spun around with a high kick.  Ranma ducked under it, then
rolled to the side to avoid a bonbori.  Another bonbori made her spring
backwards.  She was having trouble getting a rhythm, finding ways to
counter Shampoo.  She was having difficulty overcoming her reluctance to
hit women, even when her life depended on it.

Another bonbori was being swung at her face.  Ranma blocked it with her
arms, the impact knocking her against the wall.  Ranma grunted, sensing
a bonbori heading for her stomach but unable to coordinate a defense in
time.  She tried to brace herself; this was going to hurt.

The bonbori unexpectedly changed trajectory, flying out of Shampoo's
hand and towards the hole she'd created in the wall.  Ranma followed it
with her eyes, for some reason not seeing the ribbon until the bonbori
was lying at Kodachi's feet.

Ranma stared at Kodachi.  She was in her leotard, the evil eyeshadow on
her face, the black rose in her hair.  The ribbon unwrapped itself from
the bonbori and twirled in a pleasant spiral in front of Kodachi.
Kodachi's eyes, Ranma was surprised to notice, were fully focused.
Hard, even.  She was smiling slightly, a menacing smile that had little
madness in it.

Kodachi's voice was harsh but controlled.  "Stay away from her."

Shampoo turned to face Kodachi.  "Who you?"

Kodachi laughed her long, mocking laugh that for some reason didn't seem
as tinged with madness as it usually did.  "Kodachi, the Black Rose.
Undefeated champion of St. Hebereke's."  She stepped gracefully into the
shop.  "This one is under my protection.  Leave her alone."

"Obstacle."  Shampoo narrowed her eyes.  "Obstacle is for killing."  She
shifted her remaining bonbori into her right hand, and seemed to be
gathering herself for a charge at Kodachi.  That is, until the bonbori
went flying from her hand.

She now whirled on Akane, who retracted her foot and stood ready.  "Then
you'll have to kill me, too."

Shampoo growled.  "Is okay."  She threw a vicious punch at Akane's
head.  Akane ducked under it and tried to sweep Shampoo's legs.  Shampoo
jumped over it, only to be caught in mid-air by Kodachi's ribbon.

The ribbon pulled Shampoo viciously towards the floor.  Shampoo managed
to land well enough to absorb the impact.  She grabbed the ribbon in
preparation to either trying to unwrap it or pull it from Kodachi's
hand.  A blow to her backside from Akane caused her to pitch forward on
her knees.

Akane quickly knelt on top of Shampoo's legs, grabbed one of her arms,
and twisted it behind her back.  Shampoo gritted her teeth reached
behind her to grab at Akane.  Kodachi, approaching Shampoo, flicked the
ribbon so a loop wrapped itself around Shampoo's neck.  Kodachi tugged
the ribbon, and Shampoo's eyes bulged.  She pulled at the ribbon with
her free hand, and Kodachi allowed her to loosen it slightly.

Kodachi laughed again.  "Silly woman, to think you can defeat the Black
Rose?  For shame."  She stood over Shampoo, looking down at her
mockingly.

Shampoo spoke tightly, angrily.  "You interfere Amazon.  Personal.  Not
your business.  Ranma die!"

Kodachi slowly shook her head.  "You are not among the Amazons now.
Ranma-sama is under my protection.  Leave while you can."

"No leave."  Shampoo tried to pull her arm loose from Akane's grasp, but
Akane had a good two-handed grip on it.  "Ranma shame Shampoo.  Must
die."

Kodachi narrowed her eyes.  "If Ranma-sama shamed you, it was surely
unintentional.  And surely not worth killing for."

"Death is only way!  Amazons say so.  Shampoo says so!"

Kodachi straightened and spoke in a regal manner.  "The Kuno family have
been samurai for many generations.  For four hundred years we have
helped carry the Emperor's honor.  This one -" she indicated Ranma "- is
under my protection and that of our family.  And, by extension, the
Emperor's.  Kill her, and you bring the wrath of Heaven on your head and
the heads of your family.  For we cannot allow such an attack on our
honor go unpunished."

Kodachi leaned forward at the waist to look into Shampoo's eyes.  "Think
on that, Amazon.  Is what Ranma-sama did to you worth dying for?"  She
pulled on the ribbon for emphasis.  "Worth going to war over?  For I
swear to you, kill Ranma-sama and I will not rest until you are hunted
down and killed, along with all of those close to you."

Akane leaned forward and spoke directly into Shampoo's ear.  "Me too.
You kill Ranma, I kill you.  That's a promise."

Shampoo seemed to ignore Akane, instead shifting her gaze back and forth
between Kodachi's eyes.  Kodachi was still focused, still present.  In
fact, Ranma had never seen her so... *here*.

Finally, Shampoo bowed her head.  Kodachi straightened and took a step
back, unlooping the ribbon from around Shampoo.  Akane released Shampoo
and stepped back too, ready to pounce on her in a moment.

Shampoo shook out her arm, took a breath, then stood up and faced
Ranma.  Akane and Kodachi immediately became very alert, but Shampoo
stayed absolutely still.

"Ranma.  No can kill while under laughing woman's protection.  You in
Japan - safe."  She seemed none-too-pleased with that concession.  "You
in China - kill.  All Amazons hunt you, you no escape next time."  Her
eyes glinted at the prospect.

Shampoo seemed to struggle for the right words.  "This not finish.  You,
me - we meet again, fight again, somewhere else, not China, not Japan.
Cannot live with dishonor.  We meet, we fight, I kill.  Someday.  I no
forget kiss of death.  You no forget either."

She stared at Ranma for a long minute before spinning on her heel and
walking past Kodachi out of the shop.  She nodded at Kodachi as she did
so, as if giving a casual greeting to an equal.

Ranma leaned against the wall, dizzy from relief.  It was over, at
last.  As long as she stayed in Japan, she'd never have to worry about
Shampoo.  She was probably right - there would probably be another
confrontation, someday.  But Akane and Kodachi had bought her a stay of
years, perhaps decades.

Ranma smiled.  "Thanks guys."

To Ranma's alarm, Kodachi's eyes began to rapidly lose focus.  "You!
Pig-tailed one!  Where is Ranma-sama?"

Something snapped inside Ranma.  It was all too much.  "No! Dammit,
dammit, NO, KODACHI!"  She strode up to Kodachi and roughly grabbed her
arms.  "Who am I?"

Kodachi's eyes didn't get better.  "You are that brazen hussy after my
Ranma-sama."

"No!  Dammit, you knew just a minute ago.  You knew who I was.  You
protected me.  Saved me, even.  You know me!"

Kodachi tried to move away, but Ranma held her arms.  She mumbled
erratically.  "No... you... you are trying to confuse me.  You are one
of those harridans after..."

"NO!"  Ranma shook Kodachi.  "Don't hide from this.  Don't run away from
me.  You *know* who I am."

Kodachi was shaking her head.  "No... don't..."

Ranma was merciless.  "I'm tired of it all, Kodachi.  Tired of you
seeing only what you want to see.  Tired of seeing you fade away when it
suits you.  Don't run away."

Ranma leaned forward so that her eyes were only a few inches away from
Kodachi's.  "You didn't like it when I left.  Well, I came back.  Now
I'm asking you to come back and face this."

Kodachi's eyes were still unfocused, and now her lip was trembling
slightly.

Ranma's voice was hard and unrelenting.  "Who am I?"

Kodachi swallowed.  "Y-you're..."  She bit her lip.  "Ranma-sama."

Relief flooded Ranma.  She leaned back and smiled.  "There, that wasn't
so hard, was it?"

Kodachi fainted.

Ranma caught her as she fell.  She looked closely at Kodachi, convinced
this was another scam.  People just didn't faint like that; it *had* to
be an act.  But Kodachi was a dead weight in Ranma's arms, and Ranma
knew enough about how bodies held themselves to be fairly certain that
Kodachi really was unconscious.

Sadness tinged with disgust filled Ranma.  There was only so much
reality Kodachi could face before she had to shut down, one way or the
other.  She really was sick.

Ranma scooped up Kodachi.  Better take her back to the mansion.  Maybe
Kuno would know what to do.

She turned towards the door, and caught sight of Akane.

Akane had her hands clasped in front of her.  She had a slight smile on
her face, and appeared to be happy.  She was standing rock still,
however.  "Go ahead, Ranma, take her home.  She needs you."

Ranma flinched at Akane's voice.  Trying to be bright and happy, but
underneath hints of real pain.  "Akane..."

"No, don't say anything.  Just go."  A hint of desperation.

Ranma swallowed.  "Can, uh, we talk again tomorrow?"

"I d-don't know, Ranma.  I'm awfully busy."  Akane whirled suddenly and
began walking towards the door.  "Maybe next week."

"Akane!"  Ranma wanted to run after her, but Kodachi weighed her down.

Akane's voice drifted from the doorway.  "Your fiance needs you, Ranma."

Ranma hung her head, Akane's words a dagger in her stomach.  This was
*not* how this was supposed to go.  Damn Shampoo for ruining things.
And Kodachi.  And Genma.  Ranma just wanted the opportunity to clear
something up between him and Akane, and events were conspiring against
her.  It was all slipping away.  Akane... Akane was slipping away.

Damn.  Damn damn damn damn.

She looked down at the still-unconscious Kodachi.  "Why?  Tell me why,
Kodachi.  Tell me what to do."

Kodachi wasn't yet willing to provide any answers.

Sighing, Ranma stepped through the hole in the wall on her way back to
the mansion.

~*~

END PART 3



This is part 4 of a ten-part series focusing on Kodachi, Akane, and
Ranma.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous parts
can be found on my web page (URL below).

As always, let me know what you think.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Four: The Walls of Denial


Ranma had expected Kodachi to regain consciousness long before they'd
reached the mansion, but she was still a dead weight in Ranma's arms as
she stepped through the gates.  Ranma walked up to the front door and
kicked it a couple of times.  She didn't want to break it if she didn't
have to.

Fortunately, Kuno answered the door.  Immediately, his face lit up.
"Pig-tailed one!  At last, you have come seeking my company, as I always
knew you would.  Let us hither, so we may express our love for one
another."

Disgust built up in Ranma; she had to swallow bile.  "Hel-lo?  Kuno?  Do
you see who I've got in my arms?"

Kuno glanced down.  "She would not come between us, my love.  Let us
leave her resting so we can..."

"Dammit, Kuno!  This is your *sister*.  She needs *help*.  Can you *try*
to focus on that for just one moment?!"

Kuno looked down at Kodachi again.  This time, something registered on
his face.  After a moment, he looked back up at Ranma, his face quiet.
"This way."

He turned into the mansion, Ranma close on his heels.  They went
upstairs through the wide, quiet corridors.  Eventually they came to a
door adorned with Kodachi's name written on a placard along with the
prerequisite black rose.  Kuno held the door open for Ranma.

Ranma walked quickly in, then slowed significantly as she looked
around.  She'd never been in Kodachi's room before, and the sight was a
little startling.

The room was surprisingly humble, even smaller than Ranma's room was.
It was still plenty roomy, with a vanity, bureau, mirror, bed, and a
small table with chairs in the center.  Black roses were everywhere; in
a pot on the table, in vases, growing on a bush in a pot next to the
door... there was little subtlety to the decor.

Ranma also noticed a large set of drapes against one wall.  They weren't
for the windows; those were on the opposite wall.  Ranma decided to
ignore it, and instead made her way to the bed.  The bedspread, she
noticed in passing, was covered with black rose symbols.  Ranma put the
still-unconscious Kodachi gently on the bed.

Two hands grabbed Ranma's shoulders from behind.  "Thank you, pig-tailed
one, for bringing my sister to me.  Truly, yours it the compassion of a
goddess."

Ranma violently shrugged her shoulders out of Kuno's grasp and whirled
on him.  "C'mon, you know who I am, don't you?  For crying out loud, I
changed in your arms.  You know me, right?"

Kuno's face was rapt.  "Verily, it is true, I know the face of she who
will be my soulmate."

Ranma rolled her eyes.  She wasn't up to playing psychotherapist again.
"Whatever.  I'm gonna go change.  Stay with Kodachi."

His face showed almost comic distress.  "Where are you going, beloved?
Let me accompany you so that-"

"STAY WITH YOUR SISTER!"  Ranma clenched her jaw a moment.  "She needs
you, Kuno.  I don't.  Isn't your flesh and blood important to you?"

Kuno looked puzzled.  He turned and looked down at Kodachi.  Ranma took
the opportunity to make good on her exit.

She ran down to her bedroom, entered the bathroom, and quickly dumped
hot water over her head.  Ranma ran back out, tore off his shirt, kicked
off his shoes, found a dry shirt in the closet, then went back to
Kodachi's room, struggling into the shirt as he ran.

He slowed as he entered the room, nearly crashing into the rosebush next
to the door.  A thorn scratched his arm.  Cursing silently, he picked a
rose.  Where'd she get so many of the damn things, all in bloom?

The answer was evident as he examined it closely.  The rose was a fake.
A fine job, enough to fool anyone on casual inspection, right down to
the thorns.  Ranma fingered the petals; they sure *felt* real, but he
could see where they'd been sewn together.

He put the rose on the table and stepped over to Kodachi's bed.  Kuno
had taken a chair from the center setting and was sitting next to the
bed holding Kodachi's hand.

Ranma knelt on the floor.  He looked up at Kuno and for a moment they
held each other's eyes.  Kuno's face was expressionless, his eyes flat.
Yet somehow Ranma could sense a deep turmoil just below the surface,
struggling to be get out.  Or struggling to be contained.

Ranma nodded his thanks to Kuno, then turned to look at Kodachi again.
She seemed to be merely asleep.  He could probably wake her, but feared
to try.  "Should we call a doctor?  Does she have any medication she
needs to take?"

Kuno's voice was neutral.  "There is nothing wrong with her."

Ranma whipped his head back to glare at Kuno in surprised anger.  "How
can you say that!"  He choked off more invective.  Of course Kuno would
see nothing wrong with her.

Kuno's eyes flashed.  "How dare you imply otherwise, Saotome."

Ranma shook his head in disgust.  "It don't matter to me that you can't
see what a sick guy *you* are, Kuno.  But dammit, this is your younger
sister.  Don't you care at *all* what happens to her?  What kind of a
brother are you?"

Kuno shouted incoherently, dropped Kodachi's hand, jumped from his
chair, and grabbed for Ranma's shirt.  Ranma whipped his hands up,
grabbed Kuno's wrists, and held them.  Kuno strained against Ranma's
grip, but Ranma held firm.

Kuno's eyes burned with anger.  His chest was heaving and his jaw was
clenched.  Ranma stared back at him, idly wondering how long Kuno could
keep it up.

After a minute, something seemed to drain out of Kuno.  The anger melted
away, replaced by sadness, and shame.  He pulled his hands back and
Ranma released his wrists.  Kuno gracefully resumed his seat, gingerly
picking up Kodachi's hand and holding it between his two hands.

Ranma knelt on the floor again, angry and saddened.  Kuno just wasn't
able to deal realistically with anything.  Damn him.

"My father was an... obsessive man."  Kuno's voice, soft and distant,
surprised Ranma.  "Very much so.  He would find something that
fascinated him and explore it to the fullest.  My mother often despaired
at this.  He often neglected his other duties - work, family, everything
- to concentrate on his obsession.  My mothher took it as a dutiful wife
should, but as the years passed and his obsessions grew, she began to
admonish him more and more.  At first, she did it when she thought they
were alone.  Then she did it in front of Kodachi and me, and eventually
even in public."

Ranma kept his eyes on Kodachi, but all of his attention was on Kuno.

Kuno continued after a moment.  "She wanted him to stop obsessing, to
spend more time where it was needed.  He refused, insisting that there
was nothing wrong with him.  She tried to persuade him to at least get a
professional evaluation, but he continued to say that there was nothing
wrong.  She tried to appeal to his honor, to his duty, to - to his
love.  He rejected all those appeals with the words, 'There is nothing
wrong.'

"There came a time when... when I began my... lifelong dedication to the
bokken and katana.  This frightened my mother.  She began to use...
certain aspects of my behavior to convince my father that... that he
needed help.  That we both needed help."

Ranma turned to look at Kuno.  He was looking down at Kodachi's hand in
his.  His look was of fierce concentration, as if the speaking the words
took every bit of his willpower.  His voice, when he spoke again, was
slightly hoarse.

"When I began memorizing extended passages of poetry and quoting them
at... seemingly random times, my mother's pleas got more urgent.  When I
started following neighborhood girls around and... and pledging to them
my love, she began begging my father on her knees, her head bowed to the
floor, tears flowing from her eyes."

Kuno drew a deep breath.  "And then... Kodachi.  Kodachi began...
behaving... she would... in cycles, become extremely happy and then
unbearably depressed.  It took us a while to figure out.  But it
eventually became apparent that... that Kodachi... that my sister..."

Kuno was literally struggling with the words, trying to get his lips to
say something his mind didn't seem to want to.  "My sister," he finally
said in an agonized whisper, "was not well.  She would spend hours
cleaning her room, straightening everything over and over, never
satisfied with how well it looked.  Then she would destroy everything,
throwing her clothes and furniture around, smashing things.  She once
cut herself quite badly when she smashed a mirror over her head.  She
required many stitches."

"My mother... did not take this well.  There came a night when..."  Kuno
swallowed, continued.  "My mother said some ugly things to my father.
Said them very loudly, not caring that Kodachi and I were watching from
the door.  She called him sick, diseased, unclean.  He had no balance,
no sanity, no honor.  She said it to his face:  he had no honor."

Kuno stopped to maintain his composure.  Ranma knew how much that had to
pain Kuno, who despite his obsessions considered honor to be quite
important.  Ranma grimaced; he had some sympathy for people whose
fathers were considered to be honorless.

"My father refused to hear.  He insisted that everyone was fine.  He was
fine, I was fine, Kodachi was fine.  He said these words: 'There is
nothing wrong.'

"My mother didn't respond to that.  She stared him in the face, then
whirled and left the room, not looking at any of us.  Kodachi tried to
run after her, but my father held her back.  Kodachi wailed, but my
father ignored it.  He held her and tried to tell her stories about what
an exciting place Hawaii was.  Kodachi wasn't listening.  She wanted to
be with her mother.  Despite everything, Kodachi loved our mother very
much.

"It was Kodachi who first discovered that our mother had left.  When my
father finally let her go, she ran up to our parents' bedroom.  She
screamed, and I ran after her.  The closet door was open, and some of my
mother's clothes were gone.  Also, she had taken with her a painting of
roses, one that she had valued highly.

"Kodachi didn't take it well.  She screamed and kept on screaming.  The
few times I managed to bring her down to a level of some coherency, she
would babble, 'Mother left, mother left us.'  Then she'd go back to
screaming."

Kuno squeezed Kodachi's hand once, breathing heavily, his eyes
glistening.  Ranma felt short of breath himself.  After a moment, Kuno
resumed his story.

"She was like that all night.  I stayed with her, trying to comfort
her.  Our father came up once, noted the missing clothes and painting,
looked at me and Kodachi huddled together on the floor, then left
without saying a word.  This only caused Kodachi more grief.

"After that, my father only became more disconnected from reality.  His
conversation would focus solely on Hawaii and what a wonderful place it
was.  Kodachi remained depressed for days, her tantrum spreading through
the house and causing greater damage.  The servants left us one by one,
unwilling to deal with the madness in our house.

"It should not have surprised us when our Father left as well.  One day
we came home from school to find a note from him saying that he was
going to spend some time living in Hawaii.  I... was upset."  Kuno hung
his head a moment, and Ranma wondered whether Kuno had done his own
raging.

Kuno lifted his head.  "When Kodachi read the letter our father left,
she grew very pale.  'He left us,' she said, then dropped the letter and
made her way to her bedroom.  I expected that she would destroy it, but
when I checked in on her later, she was calmly plucking the leaves off
of a rose and replacing them with black silk petals she had created.
She seemed happy with the task, so I did not bother her."

Kuno finally turned his head to look at Ranma.  "It took us a while to
find stability again.  We have balance, of a sort.  Kodachi has devoted
herself to the upkeep of the mansion, and I'm sure she finds comfort in
that, a way of dealing with the demons inside.  When they become too
much, she has created a place for herself where she can rage and nothing
gets destroyed and nobody gets hurt.  I... I find that I can deal with
things.  It is hard sometimes, but I have found a few pleasant things to
focus my attention on, and they are enough to keep me from... going to
the extremes my sister does.  For now, they are enough."

Kuno looked beyond Ranma, and his face hardened.  "My father has much to
answer for.  He drove my mother away, and then fled from his
obligations.  He indeed has no honor, and if I see him again I... I will
make him feel the fires of heaven."

Ranma stayed very still, trying to figure out how to react.  He'd always
been of the opinion that no one had a worse father than he had.  Here,
however, was someone to challenge Genma for that title.  The mother
seemed like no prize, either.  What hell had been created by three
mentally ill people and a fourth that abandoned them rather than finding
ways of dealing with it?

Ranma licked his lips and spoke softly.  "Tatewaki, now that your father
is gone, wouldn't this be a good time to get the help your mother was
always begging you to get?  Kodachi certainly needs it and... and I
think it wouldn't hurt for you to see someone."

Kuno focused on Ranma again.  "I have indicated that there is nothing
wrong.  We have had some difficulties in the past, but we have overcome
them.  We have reached a precarious equilibrium.  I... told you what I
told you because you... threaten to disturb that equilibrium."

Kuno leaned forward to stare deeply into Ranma's eyes.  "'Ware, Saotome,
lest your well-intentioned efforts to 'cure' us drive your fiancŽ into
madness."

Ranma had a hundred arguments to make, a hundred reasons why both Kuno
and Kodachi needed professional psychiatric help.  Staring into Kuno's
eyes, seeing the fire within, however, made Ranma suspect that now was
not the best time to bring it up.

And yet, he couldn't leave it alone either.  "Kuno, you should know
that... I am going to do what I can to... to make Kodachi feel better.
It ain't good that she has to lock herself into a padded cell once in a
while.  I don't think she's got to do that."

Kuno leaned farther forward so that their eyes were an inch apart.  "I
can not decide whether thou art unworthy of this task, or undeserving of
this burden.  You would challenge my authority?  Question what I have
done to maintain peace and harmony in what remains of our family?  Risk
Kodachi's sanity on what *you* believe to be best for her?"

Ranma, for the first time ever, felt slightly intimidated by Kuno.
Truly, he was on uncertain grounds, and Kuno certainly had more
experience with mental illness than Ranma did.  However, Ranma wasn't
willing to back down.  Someone had to stand up for Kodachi, and no one
else was volunteering for the job.  "Kuno, I don't wanna fight you over
this.  But I *will* be trying to do what I can for her.  Just... please
don't try and stop me.  If you aren't going to help me, at least stay
out of the way, okay?"

Kuno leaned back, the anger draining away.  Indeed, he was smiling
slightly.  "I believe you are indeed a worthy suitor for my sister's
hand."  As he said this, he placed Kodachi's hand into Ranma's.  "Watch
over her, Ranma.  To you I cede the responsibility of maintaining
Kodachi's honor."

As Ranma gaped at him, Kuno stood up.  "You will make a worthy husband
for my sister, Saotome Ranma."

"Hey!  I never said I was..."

He trailed off as he saw that his words would make no impact on Kuno.
He was already leaving the room, the arrogance back in his stride.

Ranma sighed and looked down at Kodachi's hand.  What the hell had he
just promised?  The words had come off of his lips, as usual before he
could think them through.  He wanted to get away from Kodachi, not try
and help her with some serious mental problems.

He hated life.  Life was fun and then he met Kodachi.

He shot her a look of accusation.  It lasted less than a second as he
noticed that she was looking at him.  Her eyes were focused on him and
her face was quiet.

The blood drained from his face.  How much had she overhead?  When she
continued to do nothing but look at him steadily, he swallowed and tried
a tentative question.  "How are you feeling?"

She took her time answering.  Finally she spoke in subdued voice.  "I am
fine, Ranma-sama.  Thank you for asking."

Ranma winced, realizing that 'Ranma-sama' carried other connotations he
was uncomfortable thinking about.  He quickly focused on another
matter.  "Do you remember what we talked about back at the ice cream
shop?"

Kodachi nodded.

Ranma waited, then prompted.  "And...?"

Her voice was even quieter.  "You're a woman.  Sometimes, you're a
woman.  When you are doused with cold water.  Hot water changes you
back."

Ranma blinked.  "How'd you know about the water?"

"I saw you in the bathroom."  Her voice was factual, not entirely
without emotion but pretty close.  Still, he thought he detected a hint
of apology in her tone.

Ranma nodded.  "Okay.  How do you feel about that?"

She stared at him a bit longer.  "Which are you, really?"

Irritation flared up in him, giving his words a sharper tone than he
intended.  "I'm a guy!"

She smiled.  "I'm glad."

Ranma paused, then chuckled.  They looked at each for a moment.

Finally, Ranma couldn't stand it any more.  He stood up, blushing
slightly when he realized that he was still holding her hand.  He put it
by her side.  "Why don't you rest for a while?  I think you need it."

"Nonsense, Ranma-sama."  She swung her legs around so that she was
sitting on the edge of the bed.  "Who will fix dinner if I am abed?  You
need nourishment, Ranma-sama, as does my honored brother."

Ranma watched her carefully as she stood up and made her way across the
bedroom.  She stopped to pick up the rose he'd left on the table and put
it into her hair.  She turned to face him as she settled it into place.
"I am honored that you have chosen to be my protector.  From now on, the
rose I wear will symbolize the devotion we share."

She smiled again, then turned and left.

Ranma sat on her bed, overwhelmed.  During that two-minute period she
had seemed almost normal.  Almost like a cheerful, well-adjusted
sixteen-year-old.  Almost like a person he wouldn't mind so much living
in the same house with.

And yet, he knew it was only a temporary victory.  Very soon, her eyes
would begin to lose focus and she'd be busy doing housework until the
madness drove her to the gray room.  She'd try to poison him and she'd
laugh her insane laugh and she'd attack Akane out of jealousy.  Soon
she'd be back to the old, unbalanced Kodachi, and the rose in her hair
would be more a symbol of the illness inside of her than anything else.

It would need to be dealt with, and despite his confident statements to
Kuno, he had no idea how to proceed.

Ranma looked at the door Kodachi had just walked through, and smiled.
Let the past be the past and the future be the future.  For now, he was
going to try to enjoy the only moment of peace he'd had in a while.

He stood up and walked out the door, pretty sure that Kodachi wouldn't
mind if he talked with her while she prepared their dinner.

~*~

END PART FOUR



This is part five of a ten part series focusing on Ranma, Akane, and (of
course) Kodachi.  It's a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.

Previous parts of this fanfic can be found on my web page (URL below).

If you've got any comments, I'd love to hear them.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Five: The Cost of Treatment


Ranma pushed the food around on his plate, looking for the tell-tale
signs of poisoning.  Kuno's lessons had been comprehensive, but so far
Ranma could not find anything.  Which worried him.

He looked up at Kuno, to see him also staring at his food in
puzzlement.  Kuno took a cautious bite, held it in his mouth for a
moment, swallowed, then looked inward, evidently waiting for some kind
of reaction.  When nothing happened, he shrugged and began eating the
rest of his breakfast.

Ranma gave him a couple of minutes head start, then began eating
himself, hoping that if Kuno keeled over or turned into a mouse or
something, Ranma could always purge himself in time.

They ate in silence, as usual.  Kuno finished his food first, then took
a sip of his tea.  He immediately spat it out.  Ranma looked down into
his own cup of tea, and saw the purple leaves floating in it.  His heart
sank a little.  He'd hoped that Kodachi had progressed beyond food
poisoning.  Evidently not.

Ranma looked up at Kuno again.  Kuno was looking back at him, a strange,
quiet expression on his face.  Then, without a word, he stood up and
left.

Ranma put his chopsticks on the table, leaving his own breakfast
unfinished.  Another episode of life in the Kuno mansion.

He grabbed his bookbag and left.  He needed to talk to Akane about what
had happened yesterday.  Hopefully without any interruptions.

As he was about to leave the dining room, something made him look back
over his shoulder.  Kodachi was standing at the other entrance.  Her
face was blank.  Her eyes were focused, mostly.

They held each other's eyes for a moment while Ranma became more and
more uncomfortable.  Damn, she was good with the silent accusations.

He turned away and left.

He ran along the streets, making his way to the rendezvous point.  He
was there a little early, so settled himself down to wait.

A minute later, Nabiki walked up.  Ranma nodded to her and looked down
the street.

"Akane's not coming, Ranma."  Nabiki sounded apologetic.  "She left
early for school."

Ranma looked back at Nabiki. "Oh?  Why?"

"Well, she said she wanted to spend some time studying..."  Nabiki
trailed off, then grimaced.  "That's what she said to tell you.  I'm
pretty sure the real reason is that she didn't want to see you."

The words hit Ranma like a blow.  "Why?"

Nabiki looked down the street, as if considering an escape route.  She
sighed and looked back towards Ranma.  "We need to talk."

Ranma considered her for a moment, then nodded.  "Okay."

They began walking to school together.  Nabiki looked straight ahead as
she spoke.  "Akane told me about what happened yesterday with you and...
Shampoo, she said her name was."

"Yeah.  A nutcase.  But Akane helped me out a little."

"Saved your butt is what I heard.  She and Kodachi.  Mostly Kodachi."

"Well, uh, okay."  Ranma rubbed the back of his head.  "But what's that
got to do with anything?"

"Afterwards, you told Kodachi your secret."

"Well, she knew already.  Sort of.  I just kinda made her acknowledge
it."

"And ignored Akane while you did it."

Ranma lurched to a halt.  "Hey!"

Nabiki kept walking.  Ranma ran after her.  "That's not fair!  I
mean..."

"You mean what, Ranma?"

"I mean... Kodachi... Kodachi needed my attention right then."

"And Akane didn't?"

"No, I mean..."  Ranma felt like he was sinking in quicksand.
"Kodachi's sick.  She needed help."

"Maybe.  But you know..."  Nabiki bit her lip and thought for a minute,
then continued.  "Look at it from Akane's perspective.  You and she were
having a serious conversation which was interrupted by that Chinese
woman.  Okay, no problem, that wasn't your fault.  But when it was over,
you focused all your attention on Kodachi.  You touched her and smiled
her and didn't so much as look in Akane's direction until you were
holding Kodachi in your arms."

"Hey!  She collapsed.  Was I - ?"

Nabiki overrode him.  "Can you understand how it looked to Akane?  That
it seemed like you cared more for Kodachi than you did for her?"

Ranma growled and hit his palm with his fist.  "That ain't true.
Kodachi's seriously ill.  I gotta help her."

"Why you?"

"If not me, who?  And, you know, no matter how much I hate it, I got
some obligations towards her."  Ranma shook his head.  "None of that
means I like her or nothing.  I just want her to get better.  And when
she does, maybe she'll stop obsessing over me."

Nabiki stopped, reached over and grabbed Ranma's arm, and turned him so
that they were facing each other.  "Are you saying that you have no
feelings for her at all?  That you don't like her even a little bit?"

Ranma started to protest, but found that it died under Nabiki's
withering gaze.  After a moment, he looked away.  "Okay, sometimes she
ain't so bad.  Sometimes we're working out together, and it ain't so
bad."

"And when you smiled at her in the ice cream shop?  That sure seemed to
Akane that you liked Kodachi a lot."

Ranma looked back at Nabiki.  "That's just... you know, it feels good to
help people.  I feel sort of... protective of Kodachi.  But dammit!
That's not... you can't spend your whole life..."  Ranma struggled for
the words.  "That ain't a good thing to... base a relationship on.  I
don't want to live forever as Kodachi's doctor."

Nabiki looked at him closely.  "Would you rather be Kodachi's husband?"

"I don't want to be Kodachi's ANYTHING!"  Something stabbed at Ranma's
stomach.  He ignored it.  "I want to get out of there!  I want to go
back with you guys!"

"And leave Kodachi insane?"

Ranma deflated a little.  "No.  I can't do that.  And she won't let me
go anyway."

"Why not?"

"'Cuz she's obsessed with me, that's why!"

"No, I meant, why can't you just leave her?  No one would think less of
you if you were to walk out of an agreement made between a greedy,
honorless man and a psychopath."

Ranma lowered his eyebrows and looked at Nabiki angrily.  "*I* would
think less of me.  I am not my father."

Nabiki stared right back at him.  After a moment, she lowered her hand,
turned away, and began walking.  Ranma walked with her.

After a minute she spoke again.  "So as you see it, the only honorable
way out of the engagement is to get Kodachi to dissolve it.  And the
only way to do that is to cure her of her obsessions."

Ranma blew out a breath.  "Yeah, that's how I see it."

Nabiki reached into her bookbag as they walked and pulled out a
notebook.  She slung her arm through the handles of the bookbag so that
she could hold the notebook as she wrote in it.  "Okay.  I'll do some
research into mental illness and see if I can figure out what's wrong
with Kodachi.  Maybe Kasumi's boyfriend can help.  If you can confront
her with what specifically is wrong with her, maybe you can get her to
see the light and get some treatment."

Ranma gaped at Nabiki.  "Huh?  Why?  I mean, why would you do this?"

Nabiki glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes.  A mischievous
smile appeared on her face.  "Because, Ranma-kun, life was ever-so-much
more interesting when you were living with us.  Not to mention
profitable.  I'm not about to let an asset like you slip beyond my
control."

Ranma blinked rapidly.  He didn't know what to make of that.  He looked
through the gates of Furinkan, somehow hoping to find an answer in the
chaos of students making their way to class.

"Besides," he heard Nabiki say, just barely audible over the sounds of
the bustle, "I hate to see Akane hurting.  We've all had enough hurt in
our lives already."

He turned to look at her, but she was already running off to her
homeroom.

Ranma chewed the inside of his cheek.  Why had life gotten so heavy?
Why couldn't it go back to the days of random attacks and weird
situations?

And yet, when Shampoo had attacked, what had happened?  She had been
efficiently dealt with, and he'd used the opportunity to try and help
Kodachi with her problems.  Never mind that he'd done it more out of
frustration than anything else, the point was that he'd had a chance to
have a wild adventure and had instead gone another way.  Hell, he could
have gone with Genma to San Francisco and had all sorts of fun.  He'd
turned that down, too.

Ranma wondered if this was all part of growing up.  He wondered if he
*wanted* to grow up.  Peter Pan had all the fun.

He walked into the classroom and sat next to Akane.  He looked over at
her, wondering how she was going to act.

She saw him and smiled.  "Hi, Ranma-kun!  Are you ready for the English
test?"

Ranma leaned back in his seat.  This wasn't what he was expecting.
"What?"

"Oh, don't worry if you haven't studied.  I'm sure the test will be
easy, and the teacher will let us use our books.  Really, he's a
terrible teacher.  I hear that they're thinking of replacing him, as
soon as they can find a new principal.  Or get the old one to come
back."

Her words were bright and cheerful.  She was just sharing a juicy piece
of gossip, as if they were the best of friends.  He gathered his
resolve.  "Listen, Akane, about yesterday -"

"Have you heard about the new boy in Nabiki's class?"  Akane continued
as if she hadn't heard.  "The gaijin?  They say he's..."

Ranma could only stare at her in shock as she blabbered on.  This was so
unlike the Akane he was used to.  She never acted that way.  At least
around him.  He'd seen her act that way with...

...with her friends.

Ranma's heart dropped into his stomach.  That was the answer.  She was
dropping the curtain of friendship over their relationship.  He would no
longer hear her yell at him, no longer hear her insult him, no longer
see her show any concern for him.

He had to act quickly before the curtain became a wall he'd never get
through.

Ranma sighed as Akane continued chatting.  When it came right down to
it, Peter Pan had lost Wendy forever.  Ranma didn't want that to happen
to himself.

---

Ranma ducked as the hoop whizzed over his head.  A ribbon snaked itself
around his arm.  He grabbed it with his other hand and gave it a violent
tug.  The ribbon handle came flying at him, along with a half-dozen
clubs.  He tried to leap away but tripped over the ribbon.  He was
pegged in the side by one of the clubs.  It hurt.

Ranma disentangled himself from the ribbon and stood up.  Kodachi had a
particularly fierce expression on her face today.  Her attacks were
ferocious, even more so than usual.

Ranma had used these training sessions mostly to learn to avoid
attacks.  He still wasn't up to hitting women, even Kodachi.  But this
time he was sorely tempted.  He grit his teeth and launched himself at
her, with the vague idea of tripping her or something.  Tripping was
about as far as he could go.

Kodachi saw him coming, and did a rapid series of cartwheels that ended
with her by the door into the mansion.  She entered without a backward
glance.

Ranma stared after her, puzzled.  When he'd come home today, she'd been
scrubbing his bathroom floor.  Dinner had been poisoned as usual.  Her
eyes were out of focus, except when she looked at Ranma.  Then they
narrowed to sharp points of anger.  Ranma had no idea whether that was
good or not.

Ranma walked over to the house and entered it himself.  He walked
morosely down the hallway.  There were a lot of rooms he hadn't been in
yet, but he wasn't up to exploring.  He just walked from one doorway to
the next, wondering what secrets each one contained.  Perhaps he didn't
want to know.

"Ranma-sama."

He nearly jumped out of his skin.  He turned to see Kodachi looking at
him angrily.

She waggled her finger at him.  "I don't want you to meet with that
hussy anymore.  She is no longer your fiancee; it is unseemly that you
continue to spend time in her company."

Ranma clenched his jaw briefly.  "I don't care if it's 'unseemly' or
not.  Don't tell me what to do."

"You be- " Kodachi snapped her mouth shut, considered, then continued.
"I am your fiancee, Ranma-sama.  I am the one you should be spending
time with, I and no other."

"I knew Akane before I knew you.  I ain't gonna stop seeing her.  Get
used to it."

Kodachi bit her lip.  "Do I mean so little to you?  Does our engagement
mean so little?"

To Ranma's alarm, her eyes began to rapidly lose focus.  She was fading
away right in front of him.  Ranma closed his eyes to try to control the
extreme irritation that washed over him.  It wasn't her fault she was
sick; he shouldn't get mad at her because of it.  "Look, Kodachi, we're
engaged and that's a fact.  I live with it because I have to.  But that
don't mean I give up the rest of my life and devote it exclusively to
you.  It ain't healthy to obsess over one person.  That's no kind of
life I want to live."  Ranma opened his eyes.  "You shouldn't live that
kind of life, either."

Anger no longer covered Kodachi's face.  Instead, her eyes and
expression were vacant.  "Thank you for the lesson, Ranma-sama.  If you
will excuse me, I have other duties that need attending to."  She turned
and began moving lazily down the hallway, humming to herself.  She
stopped to examine a painting on the wall.  She blew on the frame, then
began rubbing it with her hands.  She produced a cloth from somewhere
and began dusting the picture frame with a will.

Ranma ran his hands through his hair.  This wasn't working, it just
wasn't working.  Whatever he did made things worse, if not with Kodachi
then with Akane.  We was going to lose them both if he kept this up.

He wondered which would be the greater tragedy.

Ranma turned and walked quickly down the hallway, trying not to look
like he was running.

---

Ranma left the mansion before dawn.  He didn't want to deal with Kodachi
at all.  Instead, he made his way to a McDonald's for breakfast.  One
advantage to living in the Kuno mansion:  Kodachi had given him a weekly
allowance that was more than he usually got from Genma in a year.  He
could afford these kind of extravagances.

After an appropriate amount of time, he headed off to the spot just down
the street from the Tendo home.  He jumped into a tree and stayed high
among the branches.  He watched Akane go by.  When Nabiki appeared,
looking around, he dropped out of the tree and landed in front of her.

She yelped and jumped back.  "Dammit, Ranma-kun, I'm too young to die of
a heart attack!"

Ranma shrugged his shoulders.  "Sorry.  Did you find anything out?"

Nabiki raised her head and sniffed.  "Maybe I did and maybe I didn't."

Ranma spread his hands in supplication.  "Okay, I'm *really* sorry.  I
won't do that again, I promise."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow, then relented.  She took a notebook out of her
bookbag and flipped to the first page.  "Okay, listen up.  I think
Kodachi is bipolar."

Ranma blinked.  "Huh?"

"It's also known as manic-depressive syndrome.  Basically, it's a mental
illness involving episodes of serious mania and depression, balanced by
periods of hyperactivity and euphoria."

Ranma nodded.  "Yeah, that sounds like her all right.  Is there a way to
be sure that's it?"

"Well, I think the only way to be *sure* is to get to a psychiatrist
that specializes in these kinds of disorders.  From what I've seen of
her, Kodachi sure seems to fit the profile.  I've got a whole list here
of symptoms."  Nabiki flipped to another page in her notebook.  "You
know her better than I do.  You tell me."

"How?"

Nabiki began reading from the notebook.  "Does she every have periods of
increased energy, activity, restlessness, racing thoughts, and/or rapid
talking?"

"She, uh, will spend hours and hours cleaning the mansion."

"Excessive 'high' or euphoric feelings?"

"Well, you've heard her laugh."

"Extreme irritability and distractibility?"

Ranma thought that over.  "Maybe not 'extreme', but yeah, she can be
that way.  Some times more than others."

Nabiki nodded and continued.  "Decreased need for sleep?"

"Hmm.  Well, she does stay up past midnight doing her cleaning."

"Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior?"

Ranma barked a short, humorless laugh.  "That pretty much describes
Kodachi, doesn't it?"

Nabiki nodded once.  "Persistent sad, anxious, or empty moods?  Feelings
of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness?"

An image of Kodachi in her gray room caused Ranma to shudder
involuntarily.  "Yeah," he said quietly.

"Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions?"

Kodachi's eyes, unfocused, staring at Ranma wildly.  "Yes."

"Denial that anything is wrong?"

Ranma grimaced.  "Seems that denial thing runs through the family.  At
least, it does with Kodachi and Kuno and their father."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  "You've met their father?"

"No, but Kuno told me about him."  He gestured towards the notebook.
"Anything else?"

Nabiki scanned the list.  "Well, there are some other symptoms that you
wouldn't know about, like increases and decreases in her sexual drive.
Here's one that's important: has she ever talked about death or
suicide?"

Ranma's blood turned cold.  "Not to me she hasn't.  Is it possible
she'll try and kill herself?"

"Possible, yes."  Nabiki looked troubled and sympathetic.  "It sounds
bad, I know.  But this disease is not that uncommon either.  One out of
every hundred people suffers from bipolar disorder.  I've read
stories... well, you've seen Kodachi.  The illness can be quite
destructive."

Nabiki straightened a little, and her voice became firm.  "However, it
can be treated."

Ranma drew his eyebrows together.  "How?  By having her committed?
Zapping her brain with electricity?"

Nabiki hesitated a moment.  "Well, that can happen, but usually only as
a last resort.  There are drugs she can take.  Medication and counseling
can go a long way towards stabilizing Kodachi.  That and... support."

Nabiki lowered her eyes.  She seemed reluctant to continue.  "She'll
need a lot of help from her friends and family.  She'll need them to be
supportive and encouraging."  She sighed and looked up at Ranma.  "If
she can get those things, the counseling and the drugs and the support,
she can be cured.  Or close enough to cured as to make no difference."

Ranma tilted his head back and stared at the sky, thinking.  It wasn't
going to be easy, but he hadn't expected it to be easy.  It *was* going
to take longer than he had hoped.

He looked back at Nabiki.  "Do you think Akane will wait that long?
Will she understand?"

Nabiki seemed unusually subdued.  "I don't know, Ranma-kun.  One thing
about Akane is that she is neither particularly patient nor particularly
understanding."

Ranma frowned.  "It almost sounds like you're saying I should give up on
Akane and focus on Kodachi."

Nabiki sighed.  "I'm not sure Kodachi would be good for you.  There's
too much chance of a nurse-and-patient thing happening, and that
wouldn't be good for either one of you.  But at the very least she'll
need you to be her friend, and Akane isn't going to like that very
much."

Ranma swallowed.  "Now it sounds like you're saying I have to choose
between Kodachi's sanity and Akane."

This time Nabiki had no immediate answer.  She looked sadly at Ranma for
a long time.  Finally, she seemed to regain her composure a little.
"It's so unfortunate that Kodachi has no one else to care for her.  I'd
sure like to know a little of that family history you alluded to.  I'd
like to know why her parents aren't helping."

Nabiki swallowed.  "Look, let's try this.  You concentrate on getting
Kodachi cured.  Talk to her, tell her what we've discovered, that she
can be cured.  I'll try and talk to Akane.  Help her to understand what
you're doing.  She can be stubborn, but she can also be very kind and
caring when she chooses to be."

Ranma quirked a corner of his mouth.  "Sounds like another Tendo I
know."

Nabiki blushed.  "Just wait until you get the bill for my services."

Ranma chuckled.  Nabiki gave him a small smile, then began walking to
school.

Ranma walked with her, his mind racing with plans.  There was hope,
concrete hope.  Kodachi could be cured, mostly.  And, perhaps, Ranma's
relationship with Akane could be mostly cured as well.

~*~

END PART FIVE



This is the sixth part of a ten-part story focusing on Ranma, Akane, and
Kodachi.  It's a story of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous
parts can be found on my web page (URL below).

Let me know of any thoughts you might have about this story.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Six: Rose's Scent


Ranma sat atop a telephone pole just outside the Kuno mansion, flipping
through Nabiki's notes.  Part of him was repelled by an activity that
greatly resembled homework.  He struggled on regardless.  This was one
test he couldn't afford to fail.

He ran through the symptoms and the treatments.  Nabiki's notes were
concise and thorough, and Ranma allowed himself a moment of admiration.
Still, it wasn't helping him with the *really* hard part: getting
Kodachi to admit she had a problem, and needed help.

He shuffled through the notes one last time, then heaved a mighty sigh.
It wasn't helping.  He shoved the notepad into his bookbag, then
scampered down the pole.  He'd just talk to her and see how it went from
there.

The Kuno mansion was quiet as he entered.  Since Kodachi could be
anywhere, he began slowly walking down the hallway, listening for signs
of activity.  Humming came from one open doorway.  He walked over to it
and looked inside.

His first impression was that he was in an arboretum.  A cloying, thick
scent assailed his nostrils.  Black roses where everywhere - single
roses lying side by side, roses gathered together in bunches, one table
covered entirely with rose petals.  Stems without petals were bundled
together along one wall.  A pegboard with various tools adorned
another.  Bolts of black silk were piled next to the door.

It took Ranma a while to get it.  This wasn't an arboretum, it was an
assembly line.  Here was where Kodachi made her roses.

She was sitting in large, comfortable chair.  She was busily cutting
small shapes out of the silk.  As he watched, she gathered two of the
shapes in one hand.  She put the scissors on the armrest and picked up a
needle and black thread.  Deftly, she sewed the two silk cuttings
together, her fingers moving rapidly along the silk.  When she was
finished, she had what looked like a rose petal.  She dropped it into a
large glass jar sitting next to the chair.  Inside the jar Ranma could
see other silk petals suspended in a thick liquid of some sort.  He was
pretty sure that the almost overwhelming fragrance was coming from that
jar.

Kodachi began the process again, her hands moving with a swift sureness
Ranma couldn't help but admire.  From cutting to sewing to dropping in
the jar took about thirty seconds.  All the time she was smiling widely
and humming to herself.  She seemed to be enjoying herself immensely.

Ranma watched her for a couple of minutes, waiting for her to say
something.  At the same time, he found it very pleasant to see Kodachi
having such a good time - and at no one else's expense.

Manic phase, Nabiki's notes whispered to him in his brain.  He pushed
that thought aside, but it nevertheless succeeded in destroying his
mood.

"Hey, Kodachi."

"Ranma-sama," she said brightly without looking up.

Ranma wondered if she was deliberately avoiding looking into his eyes so
that he would not be able to judge how far gone she was by them.  He
also wondered if he was becoming paranoid.  Living in the Kuno mansion
made becoming paranoid almost automatic.

He watched her fingers for another minute.  So nimble and graceful,
moving the silk, shaping it into an uncanny semblance of life.  Just as
her current behavior was an uncanny semblance of normalcy.  A semblance
that would shatter in a few days, if not sooner.

Ranma set his bookbag on the silk bolts and walked over to sit
cross-legged at Kodachi's feet.  From this angle he could see her eyes,
and they seemed all right.  They would have to be focused, he supposed,
to do the work she was doing.

"How ya doing, Kodachi?"  He winced at the inanity of his own question.

"I am just lovely, thank you, sir."  Kodachi's voice was lively,
cheerful in a way he hadn't heard before.  Almost... nice.

Ranma idly cracked his knuckles.  "Uh... y'know, the day that Shampoo...
when you fainted and... well, I told your brother..."

"Ranma-sama," Kodachi's voice was on the verge of laughter.  "Please do
come to the point.  You are so cute when you are indecisive, but too
much and I may lose control of myself and forget we are not yet
married."  She slowed her hands enough to reach out and gently caress
his cheek once, still not looking into his eyes.

Somewhat to Ranma's surprise, his clothes did not catch fire as a result
of the heat radiating from his face.

They sat in silence as ten more rose petals came to life.

Ranma finally brought his pulse under control.  He brought moisture back
to his mouth and tried again.  "Kodachi, I think you need to go see a
sensei.  A psychologist."

A petal fell into the jar.  "But whatever for?"

Ranma, somewhat to his relief, felt irritated.  "Oh come on, Kodachi.
It ain't right that you act this way.  It's not normal."

Kodachi laughed, a soft laugh compared to her maniacal one.  "But
whatever *is* normal, Ranma-sama?"

Ranma shook his head in disgust.  "Do you see other people acting the
way you do?  Throwing roses, keeping pet alligators, cleaning the house
for hours on end... Is *that* normal?"

"I feel no need to be like the common herd.  The Kuno family is judged
by different standards."

Ranma closed his eyes.  Unbelievably, this was going to be harder than
he thought.  Bringing up his resolve, he opened his eyes again.  "It
just ain't healthy, Kodachi."

"Healthy?  Who are you to judge?"  Her voice was still bubbly and her
smile was as wide as ever, but her hands began to move faster in their
petal-making.  "I am who I am.  I *like* who I am.  I feel very good and
very happy right now.  So light and free, so powerful and joyful.  I am
the Black Rose; why do I need to see a sensei for that?"

"Because!"  Ranma floundered.  "The room, the gray room.  Remember
that?  How awful you feel?  Is that how you want to be?"

Kodachi didn't answer except to make her hands somehow move even faster.

"Kodachi?"  Ranma wanted to grab at her hands but kept himself still.
"Do you hear me?  Do you want to keep feeling as awful as you do when
that happens?"

Kodachi's voice was still bright, but sounded a little forced.  "It is a
small price to pay for the good times."

Ranma wiped his brow.  He was sweating as much as he did during a
workout.  He tried to think over Nabiki's notes.

Time to take a gamble.  He had nothing else left to try.  "Is it a small
price to pay?"

"Yes."

"Your life is worth so little?"

The hands frozen in mid-stitch.  Eyes that remained fastened on the
petal.  The mouth no longer smiling.  "H-how did you...?  I've never
said..."

"It's one of the symptoms of your disease, I think.  I'm no sensei, but
I think there's a danger that you might kill yourself if you don't get
this treated."

Kodachi resumed her petal-making at breakneck speed.  "I shall just have
to be stronger than that.  I have been so far, and I will continue to
be.  That Black Rose triumphs over all obstacles."

Ranma cradled his head in his hands.  Damn.  He'd been hoping so hard.

He spoke in a voice that was dangerously close to breaking.  "Can't you
see it, Kodachi?  How this life is destroying you?  You poison everyone
and attack them and laugh at them and what the *hell* kind of life is
that to..."

Ranma choked off his words.  Supportive, he needed to be supportive.
Nabiki said that's what Kodachi needed.

But damn!  He'd much rather prefer to fight a monster or something.
This was *hard*.

"Ranma-sama?"  Kodachi's voice was quiet.  Subdued, even.

Ranma raised his head.  "Yes?"  His voice contained much more irritation
than he meant to show.

"If I go see a sensei..."

Ranma felt his spirits rising.  Maybe there *was* hope.

Her hands were a blur, a speed Ranma envied.  He'd have to try and learn
to move his hands that fast some day.  Some of the petals, however,
looked a little misshapen when they were placed in the jar.

Kodachi spoke in a voice that was softer, barely audible.  "If I go see
a sensei, will you like me?"

Ranma's heart froze.  He looked into Kodachi's eyes as she at last
raised them to look at him.  She was focusing entirely on him, something
deep and troubled and... needing inside of them.

A thousand thoughts flitted through Ranma's head in the space of a
second.  A sick woman, bipolar if Nabiki was right.  Akane, Akane was
mad at him wouldn't talk normally to him.  No nurse/patient thing, no
lifetime therapist duties, not what he wanted.  "Not yet", the Kuno
family on its way to self-destruction.  The old man, telling him they
were going to San Francisco, no honor in him at all.  "I'm glad,"
Kodachi smiling at him.  Kodachi sobbing and pounding the walls.  The
eyes, in and out of focus, the food drugged, the constant feeling of
being on guard, no knowing what Kodachi was going to do next.  Sitting
next to Akane at the Tendo dinner table, that was nice, he hadn't
realized how much he missed that.  Kodachi as he had first seen her:
surrounded by anonymous assailants, yet standing tall and proud, full of
confidence.

All together, that summed up how he felt about Kodachi.

"Kodachi."  With no idea what to do, he fell back on his most reliable
method of interpersonal communication: opening his mouth and letting
words come out with no thought beforehand.  "You ain't a bad person.  A
guy could like you as you are right now.  You've got this disease, sure,
and it kinda weighs everything down.  I'd like to see you get better.
You know, relieve the pressure.  But... well, I'm not gonna hate you for
being sick.  It's like blaming someone for catching a cold."

Kodachi looked down at her hands.  Ranma looked at them too, and was
shocked to see blood on her fingertips.  She raised one of her hands and
began sucking one of her fingers, looking once more into Ranma's eyes.
"Are you saying... do you... you like me now?"

Dammit, get out of my life, it was a lot easier before I foolishly
grabbed your ribbon that day in the lot, what the *hell* was I
thinking?  Ranma swallowed heavily.  "I- I don't dislike you, Kodachi."
That was the best he could give her.

And, a voice inside his head said, it wasn't untrue either.  He told the
voice to shut up and go away before someone suggested therapy for them
as well.

Kodachi took her finger out of her mouth and looked at it.  She picked
up the silk shapes in her lap and continued sewing them together.
Compared to before, she was moving at a glacial pace.  One stitch, two,
with hands that trembled.

She spoke in an anguished whisper.  "Get out."

"Kodachi-"

"Now."

Ranma stood up, feeling incredibly weary, failure bitter in his mouth.
So much for being all understanding and everything.  Maybe it would be
easier to go back to being blind and stupid.  Then he wouldn't feel so
lousy.

He turned and walked towards the door, preparing to find a nice solid
wall to beat his head against.  Or get some lunch, he wasn't sure which.

"In my parents' bedroom, at the desk, middle drawer."

Ranma stopped and looked behind him.  Kodachi was still making petals at
a very slow pace.  She didn't pause and didn't look up at him.  She just
kept sewing.

Ranma studied her for a long moment, then turned and left.

He went down the hallway to a large set of double-doors with the Kuno
family name emblazoned on them.  Although he'd never gone beyond them,
he was pretty sure that's where Kodachi's parents had lived.  He opened
the doors and stepped inside.

A few weeks ago, the opulence would have awed him.  Now it was almost
commonplace.  While he could never imagine sleeping in a bed big enough
for twenty, it didn't surprise him that the Kunos did.  His eyes swept
through the room, passing over pieces of furniture and works of art
without allowing them to fully register.  He stopped when he reached a
desk at the far side of the room.

He stepped through the stale air of the room, his feet making no sound
on the thickly padded carpet.  He reached the desk, idly noting the mild
disarray on the desktop, certain that nothing had been moved in the
three years since the room had last been occupied.

He opened the middle drawer.  Pens, paper clips, odd bits of office
supplies.  And a large folder, labeled "Tatewaki and Kodachi".

Ranma picked up the folder and placed it in the center of the desk as he
sat down.  He opened it and began to leaf through it.  It mostly
contained page after page of detailed observations about the behavior of
the Kuno siblings.  Ranma scanned through them, finding in them
confirmations of Tatewaki's recollections of days past, as well as the
beginnings of both Kodachi's and Tatewaki's current behavioral
patterns.  The words were dry and without emotion.  Ranma felt himself
slightly in awe of the woman who had sat where he sat now,
dispassionately detailing the mental illnesses of her children.

And yet, she'd left.  In the end, she'd abandoned her children, her
husband, and her honor.

Ranma recalled the relief he'd felt when Genma had appeared at his
window, how eager he'd been to leave the Kuno mansion in Genma's
company, and decided he shouldn't judge Kodachi's mother so harshly.

At the end of the file, he found preliminary diagnoses, done by a
pediatrician who admitted he knew very little about mental illness and
referring the children to a psychologist.  That psychologist's name and
phone number were at the end of the file.

Ranma moved his eyes to the side of the desk, where they rested on a
phone.  Three years, that was a long time ago.  The doctor had moved his
practice, the referral was no longer valid, the phone in this room was
no longer connected.  And dammit, now *he* was beginning to deny like a
Kuno.

Picking up the phone, Ranma dialed the number in front of him.

---

Kodachi was sitting rigidly on the chair.  She was dressed in an elegant
blouse and long slacks.  She had a rose in her hair and a pin on her
collar.  If it weren't for her evil eyeshadow, Ranma might almost think
she looked rather pretty.  He could also see the tendons in her wrists
bulge as she wrung her hands.

Ranma could understand.  He felt nervous himself.  The waiting room was
large and plush.  Soft music played, the tones were muted, everything
was designed to hide the fact that very ill people were treated here.

The outer door opened, and the psychologist's receptionist came
through.  Kodachi gave a strangled cry at the intrusion.  The
receptionist smiled reassuringly and resumed his place behind the desk.

Kodachi's eyes had gone very wide and she was breathing rapidly.  She
looked to be on the verge of doing... something.  Something that
wouldn't be good.

Ranma reached over and placed his hand over hers, giving them a gentle
squeeze.  Kodachi clutched his hand tightly, looking into his eyes.
Ranma tried to smile, and actually managed it.  Kodachi smiled nervously
back at him.

Something buzzed at the receptionist's desk.  They looked over to see
the receptionist indicating the door.  "The sensei will see you now,
Kuno-san."

Kodachi looked once more at Ranma.  He nodded to her.  She bit her lip,
then stood up and walked across the room.  She opened the door, stepped
inside, and closed it behind her.

Ranma sighed and leaned back in his chair.  Now, at last, it was out of
his hands.

He stared at the ceiling for a long time, letting his mind drift.  He'd
gain nothing by worrying needlessly.  He spent the time wondering how
Nabiki was doing with Akane, and what he would say to her once Kodachi
let him go.

"How dare you!"  Ranma jerked upright.  Kodachi's voice was barely
audible, but he knew enough of her intonation to know she must be
shouting.  Which meant that the room she was in was very nicely
soundproofed.

He looked over at the receptionist, who had also noticed the shout.  The
receptionist glanced at his phone, then made a vaguely reassuring
gesture.  Ranma leaned forward, staring intently at the door.  He heard
nothing else.

After perhaps thirty minutes, something buzzed on the receptionist's
desk.  He picked up the phone, listened, then replaced it.  "The sensei
will see you now, Saotome-san."

Ranma raised his eyebrows.  That wasn't what he was expecting.  He stood
up and walked quickly over to the door.

Once inside, he saw an extremely well-appointed office.  He looked
around for Kodachi, but didn't find her.  He saw a tall, stately man
sitting behind a large desk.  He had his hands clasped in front of him
and was eyeing Ranma critically.  "Please sit, Saotome-san."

Ranma sat in the large chair indicated.  "Where's Kodachi?"

"Kuno-san is on her way to the hospital.  She will be committed to the
psychiatric ward there pending treatment."

"Hey!"  Ranma leapt to his feet.  "No one said anything about having her
put in the loony bin!"

A mild expression of disgust came over the sensei.  "I don't like your
attitude or choice of words, Saotome-san.  It is hardly a 'loony bin'.
It is a place where we can temporarily place people to give them intense
psychotherapy and determine the right kind of drugs they need to control
their illnesses."

Ranma wasn't convinced.  "Sounds to me like straightjackets and padded
cells."

"It is nothing of the sort.  Please allow me to finish and don't bring
any of your prejudices into the discussion."

Ranma bit back a growl.  After a moment, he threw himself back into his
chair.

The sensei nodded serenely.  "Good.  First of all, you should know that
her commitment was completely voluntary.  I suggested it and she
concurred."

Ranma couldn't help dropping his mouth open.  *That* was an impressive
accomplishment.  For the first time, it occurred to Ranma that perhaps
the sensei knew quite a bit about how to deal with people like Kodachi.

"Kuno-san has indicated that, as her future husband, you are looking out
for her needs.  I would ask that you let all concerned parties know that
she will be in the hospital for not less than one week, and possibly as
long as a month."

Ranma wanted to say that he was *not* going to be her husband, but
restrained himself in time.  "What's wrong with her, sensei?"

The sensei looked at some notes on his desk.  "Based on my conversation
with her today and the notes of her previous behavior you've provided
me, it is my diagnosis that Kuno Kodachi suffers from cyclothimia, very
rapid cycling, with mixed states."

Ranma sighed.  "Oh.  I thought she had a bipolar disorder."

Now it was the sensei's turn to raise his eyebrows.  "And from where did
you get your doctorate?"

Ranma smiled in self-deprecation.  "Okay, I get the point.  Go on."

The sensei smiled back at him.  "As it happens, cyclothimia is a mild
form of bipolar disorder, so your diagnosis wasn't too far off."

Ranma nearly choked.  "Mild?"

"Compared to the more severe forms like bipolar II or bipolar, yes.
Normally, cyclothimia is treated with simple therapy, and possibly an
anti-depressant.  However, I am concerned with how quickly Kuno-san has
been cycling of late, and with the severity of both her hypomania and
her depression.  I want her to undergo some drug therapy, see if we can
get it under control."

Ranma had been left a couple of laps behind.  "What does all of that
mean?"

The doctor leaned forward.  "It means that she's sick, but she can get
better if we can get the drugs right, and if she stays on them, and if
she gets the support she needs.  I'll be responsible for the first.
Kuno-san has indicated to me that you will help her with the second.
And all of us will need to cooperate on the third."

Ranma heaved a huge sigh.  This was no less than he expected, except the
part about the drugs.  "How long until she's stabilized?"

A ghost of a smile covered the sensei's face.  "Well, I can see that
you've done your homework.  Most people would ask me when she was going
to be cured."  He leaned back.  "If all goes well, she should be
stabilized when she leaves the hospital.  That doesn't mean she won't
have significant issues that need to be dealt with.  She should be
beyond some of her more... expressive outbursts, however."

"Okay."  That sounded fair enough.  "So I should just sit back and
wait?"

"And prepare yourself.  I won't kid you: this will be very hard for you
and everyone else in her family.  And, in fact, I think your recent
engagement was one more stressor on her life, something that may have
contributed to her recent deterioration."

Kodachi's shout suddenly came to mind.  "You're saying it's my fault
she's in the hospital?"

"No.  I'm saying that her feelings for you are strong, and that you'll
need to use that link to her to keep her healthy and in control."

Lifelong nurse.  He was getting trapped again.  He slumped in his chair,
and managed a weak, "Thank you, sensei."

The sensei nodded.  "She wanted me to give you this."  He picked up a
black rose from the desktop and handed it to Ranma.

Ranma took it and moaned gently.  There were so many things this rose
symbolized; he felt he was being crushed under its weight.

He stood up, nodded once to the sensei, and left.  As he left the
office, he held the rose under his nose.  He smelled the same scent from
the workshop, just much less intense and overwhelming.  He wondered if
Kodachi's scent was being similarly muted in the hospital.  He wondered
if that was a good thing or not.

With no better place to put it, he tucked the rose into his top
buttonhole and made his way back to the Kuno mansion.

~*~

END PART 6



This is the seventh part of a ten part series focusing on Ranma, Akane,
and Kodachi.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous
parts can be found on my web page (URL below).

I experimented a little with the format of this part.  Let me know what
you think.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

  excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
  by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Seven: Letters From Inside


"How do you operate this device?"

"Just turn the dial."

"I did.  It merely made a hissing sound."

"Hmm.  Try pushing that button."

"Which one?"

"The one that says 'Ignite'."



"Yaah!"

"Wow, that was neat.  Say, your hair's on fire."

"By my ancestors!  I cannot abide this abomination."

"It's just a stove."

"Even so."

"Okay, put this pan on it."

"And?"

"And this oil... uh, maybe these vegetables?"

"They would need to be chopped first."

"No problem.  YAAAAAA-tatatatatatatatatatata."

"As impressive a display as that might have been, I do believe it may
have been better for you to wash them first."

"Oh.  Well, we're going to fry 'em anyway.  Here we go."

"Ouch!"

"Wow, look at it splatter.  That looked like it hurt."

"And it is spoiling my raiment."

"Hmm, maybe we *should* have been wearing those aprons after all.  Okay,
spices."

"I am not so sure we should attempt to use these spices."

"Don't be such a wuss.  Hmm... hemlock.  Sounds good."

"Is that not what Socrates drank when he ended his life?"

"Oh.  Uh, well, I'm gonna look for something non-deadly, then.  Hold
on.  And watch those vegetables; don't let 'em burn."

"Urm.  Hmm.  Yes, this does smell nice.  If a bit... charred.  Ho!  I
say!  Stop this instant!"

"Huh?  Whatcha shouting about?  I found some stuff in the pantry-  Aw,
man!  I told ya not to let em burn!"

"They would not heed me."

"Shut it off, shut it off!  No, turn it the other way."



"It appears we should eat our meal elsewhere.  I have heard that a new
okonomiyaki restaurant is opening nearby."

"Naw, not today.  I'd prefer a hamburger."

"That is not food fit for ones such as ourselves to consume."

"Ones such as ourselves can't take care of ourselves to save ourselves'
lives.  C'mon, they know me pretty well at McDonald's.  I think the
manager has a crush on me."

"Do not forget that you are engaged to my sister."

"Trust me, it's always on my mind."

"Good.  That reminds me; this arrived for you today."

"Oh."

"Will you read it?"

"Don't rush me."

---

Dear Ranma-sama,

Three days I have been here.  Three days I have been on medication.
Many, many different kinds of medication.  There's the medication that
will eventually stabilize me - maybe.  There is the medication that
sedates me until that happens.  There are the sleeping pills I have to
take every night - insomnia is not an option.

Everything is muted.  I know how I *should* be feeling - I want to
laugh, I want to cry, I want to attack everyone in a rage.  But I
can't.  I cannot seem to find the means to get worked up.  A layer of
gauze has been wrapped around my brain, and it is driving me crazy.  I
hate it, I hate it, I hate it.  I want to rip open my veins so that the
drugs will flow out and I'll feel like myself again.  Yet somehow, I
cannot work up the energy to do that, either.

The people who are here with me have interesting scars.  This is the
only place I've been where people cheerfully compare the scars on their
wrists from previous suicide attempts.  There is much animated
discussion on which method is quickest, easiest, and least painful.
Slitting the artery vertically with a razor blade seems to be the
agreed-upon method.  One unfortunate soul cut his wrist with a broken
beer bottle.  He didn't succeed in killing himself, but he did sever a
tendon.

The days around here are frantic.  The goal appears to be to keep us as
occupied as possible.  Individual therapy, group therapy, art therapy,
occupational therapy... I am always being bustled from one time
commitment to the next.

After dinner it is different.  The second shift comes on duty, and their
focus is on keeping us as quiet as possible.  A large TV is turned on,
and many of my fellow inmates crowd around it.  I have no interest in
joining, nor am I interested in conversing with those who like to talk
whether someone is listening or not.

One woman in particular is fascinated with me.  Kimiko is her name.  She
is over fifty and one of the oldest among us.  I am quite clearly the
youngest, and she can't seem to understand why I am here.  She keeps
asking me where my mother is.  Part of me wants to hit her over the head
with a club.  Fortunately or not, depending on your perspective, all of
my weapons were taken from me when I was admitted.

I want to write more, but I cannot focus my thoughts.  I am tired and
drugged and I must remember these drugs for my own use later - alas that
they are prescription only.  Still, there may be ways around that.

Do not try to write me back, they will not allow a letter to reach me.
No outside contact for me until I am stabilized.  I am not sure if this
letter will reach you.  They have promised me that it will but they also
lie.

Please don't forget to feed Midorigame.  I miss him so.

Love,

  The Black Rose

---

"We've got to get some servants.  This is ridiculous."

"The Kuno family has survived for the past few years without such
strangers in our house.  It will survive longer still."

"The Kuno family survived because one of its members used housework as a
way to deal with her mental illness.  I do *not* want to have her come
back and feel like she has to spend hours once again cleaning up after
us."

"She has never complained -"

"Dammit, Kuno-sempai, do you *want* her to fall back into the same old
patterns as before?  Including her little stays in that room of hers in
the basement?"

"O-ours is the tradition -"

"Let me put it this way.  You hire some servants or I will beat you to a
bloody pulp every day until you do."

"Threats do not become one who is to be a member of our family,
Saotome."

"That's the only way I know how to get through to you!  Dammit, *listen*
to me.  We've got to do this for your sister's sake.  You said you were
giving her into my care.  Well, believe me when I say this is
necessary."

"Your... passion does you credit.  Very well, I will do this.  Let us
hither to the bank.  I will add you as a signatory to our accounts.
Spend our money as you see fit."

"Hey, I don't know nothing about how to handle money."

"I trust you will learn.  I also trust you to be responsible and not to
spend our money foolishly.  While we have a great deal of it, it is not
limitless.  The interest we earn is more than most families make in a
year, but chip away too much at the base and we can become penniless
faster than you can know.  If we do, I will bear you ill will."

"Okay, okay, don't get over-excited.  I'll handle hiring the servants
and stuff.  You don't mind if I get some help with that?"

"How do you mean?"

"I was thinking of asking Nabiki to give me a hand.  She knows about
money."

"Indeed she does.  I would have no objection.  Just please be sure she
doesn't gouge us too deeply with her fees."

"Uh, yeah.  Any mail?"

"Yes.  Another letter from Kodachi."

"I was afraid you were going to say that."

---

Dear Ranma-sama,

Our rooms have been carefully sanitized.  Nothing is easily detached;
everything that could conceivably be sharpened has been padded or dulled
- even the bolts that keep the beds from beeing moved.  The bathroom door
has no knob.  There are no electrical outlets.

No easy way out.

Two of my fellow inmates played a song today using a decrepit guitar.
It was fast-paced, snappy, played with a twangy sort of beat.  You'd
almost thing it was supposed to be happy:


   I keep hearing you're concerned about my happiness.
   But all that thought you're giving me is... conscience, I guess.
   If I were walking in your shoes I wouldn't worry none.
   But you and your friends are worried 'bout me, I'm having lots of
fun:

   Counting flowers on the wall,
   That don't bother me at all.
   Playing solitaire 'til dawn
   With a deck of fifty-one.
   Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo;
   Now don't tell me I've nothing to do.

   Last night I dressed in tails pretending I was on the town.
   As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down.
   So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doing fine.
   You can always find me here; I'm having quite a time:

   Counting flowers on the wall,
   That don't bother me at all.
   Playing solitaire 'til dawn
   With a deck of fifty-one.
   Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo;
   Now don't tell me I've nothing to do.

   It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.
   Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light.
   And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete,
   So I must go back to my room and make my day complete:

   Counting flowers on the wall,
   That don't bother me at all.
   Playing solitaire 'til dawn
   With a deck of fifty-one.
   Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo;
   Now don't tell me I've nothing to do.

   Don't tell me I've nothing to do.

I have no idea who Captain Kangaroo is.  No one else does, either; they
treated my question as irrelevant.  Indeed, they found my efforts to
record the lyrics accurately as being somewhat amusing.

What made this song really depressing is how many of the others here
seemed to really enjoy it.  It appears to be an anthem of some sort to
them.  They can identify with the depressing emotions the song is trying
to convey.

And, to my horror, I can too.

I had a long talk with the pharmacologist today - Tohru, he insists I
call him.  I had all sorts of questions about my medication.  He
answered them patiently; in fact, he told me more than I probably should
have been told.

Apparently, he and my psychologist had a disagreement over my
medication.  Tohru wanted to have me use other drugs in combination - I
won't bore you with the details, Ranma-sama, but I found them
fascinating.  However, my psychologist insisted that my treatment begin
with lithium.

I can't tell you how much that alarmed me.  Lithium, I know, is
poisonous.  I mentioned this to Tohru, but he calmed me down.  He told
me that the reason they were drawing blood from me twice a day was to
carefully monitor the amount of lithium in my bloodstream.  The level
used to stabilize my mood swings is very close to the toxic level; part
of what they will accomplish here at the hospital is to figure out how
much lithium to give me, and how often.

It disturbed me profoundly, to find that I am being fed poison on a
regular basis.  Hoist by my own petard, if I may indulge in some of my
brother's Shakespeare usage.  I now know how you and my brother felt,
and it is not pleasant.

Time for occupational therapy.  How gluing pieces of macaroni to paper
can possibly help me in my future endeavors is quite beyond me, but I
don't argue.  I've seen what they do to people who argue too much, and I
have no desire to see that happen to me.

I think of you often.

Love,

   The Black Rose

---

"Do we need so many?"

"Trust me, the Kunos can afford it several times over."

"Without, er, cutting too deeply?"

"Whoever set up the Kuno accounts knew what they were doing.  The money
is self-perpetuating.  A nice mix of high-yield, moderate-risk
investments with long-term interest-bearing accounts and bonds.  We...
that is, the Kunos can pay all of these new salaries and still have more
money at the end of the year than they began with."

"Does that include your fee?"

"Of course, silly.  By the way, thanks for throwing this business my
way."

"Er, well, you're welcome.  Thanks for helping."

"This was fun.  Now, it's important for you to be firm with these
servants.  I know you like to make friends with everyone, but don't keep
them from their tasks.  If they seem to be not accomplishing the work
they need to, don't hesitate to call the agency.  Or let me call them
for you."

"Um, okay."

"And Ranma-kun... don't feel uncomfortable having them serve you.  If
you do, Kodachi might feel obligated to resume her duties as scullery
maid."

"Uh, yeah, good point.  Say, when did you get all sympathetic?"

"I'm doing this for the same reason you are.  The sooner we get Kodachi
stabilized, the sooner you can get away from her."

"And back to Akane?  How's she doing?"

"I'm still working on her.  Sometimes the best thing to do with her is
to say the same thing over and over.  It's like water dripping on stone;
eventually, the stone will wear away."

"Yeah.  Good analogy."

"Okay, anyway, they'll start coming tomorrow.  The cook will be here at
six to prepare breakfast.  The rest will arrive at eight.  There will be
someone to serve you until nine at night; after that, you're on your
own."

"Gosh, well, I'll survive somehow."

"I guess you will.  What's that in your hand?"

"A letter.  From Kodachi."

"Oh."

---

Dear Ranma-sama,

In group therapy today I learned a new term:  normies.  It's what people
afflicted with mental illnesses call those who are not.  Normies are so
far outside their experience, they cannot relate.  One person in my
group therapy put it this way:  "I mean, can you imagine never, ever
considering suicide?  It boggles my mind."

That bothered me, for while I have flirted with the idea of suicide, I
can also clearly remember the days when I never had such thoughts.  I
want them back, I want those days back so badly I can taste it.  I don't
want to be here, among the people who carry on conversations with people
only they can hear, who sit and stare at nothing for days on end, who
scream and rage and cry.

I myself am crying.  Tohru tells me I am just experiencing a period of
depression, that it's to be expected with the drugs.  He's been giving
me an anti-depressant along with the lithium.  A selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitor.  Does that mean anything to you, Ranma-sama?  I had
Tohru explain it to me in great detail.  I found it fascinating.  He
says that it takes time to work, that if I am patient I will be cured of
my depression.  He was quite passionate about it.  I think he's rather
smitten with me, even though he's twice my age.  An interesting and
fascinating man, but he does not compare to my fiancee.

My personal therapy went poorly today.  I'm being forced to recall
things I'd rather not.  The sensei is quite confrontational.  He says he
has my best interests at heart, but I think he enjoys being cruel, it's
why he became a psychologist in the first place, so he can put people in
this hospital and torture them.

The hell of it is, I committed myself.  I could walk out just as easily,
no one could stop me.  I could cease taking my medication, I could go
back to feeling the way I felt before, which was so alive and free and
wonderful.

And yet, I see your face, looking at me with such hope and concern.  And
even anger, anger that I resisted seeking this treatment.  That anger
stabbed me in the heart, and when you began walking away I felt like I
was losing you forever and I could not bear that.  I would do *anything*
for you, Ranma-sama.  Even undergo torture.

Oh God, I want out out out out.  I want the poisons gone from my blood
from my body, they are entering my soul and eating it away.

Kimiko is sitting across from me and trying to pat my head, she sees
that I am upset and crying.  She would make a wonderful mother except
she keeps hearing voices that tell her to do bizarre things, like take
off her clothes and try to burn them.  She wants me to be her daughter,
and I like her and am repulsed by her and I want out.

I want to be a normie.

It that how normies think of me?  Do they see me as someone to be
avoided, my illness too bizarre, making them too uncomfortable?  I am
looking at Kimiko and I wish I had a mother like her.

I will try to be nice to her.  I will overcome my revulsion.  We should
not be grouped into "normies" and "wackos", but people.  Just people.

Noble sentiments, eh, Ranma-sama?  Yet, you believe them too, don't
you?  You said something about my illness being no different from
someone having a cold.  Oh, if only that were true.  You and I both know
that the reality is different, that my behavior repels you, that you
shudder sometimes at the sight of me, that you ran away, that you wanted
to leave me behind.  Just like Mother.  Just like Father.  Just like
everyone I've ever loved in my life.  They *all* left me.

And yet, you came back.  I must remember that.  You try, you honestly
try to see past the illness and see who I really am.  I want to be
worthy of you, Ranma-sama.  It is why I am here.  I will come out of
here all better and you will like me and maybe even love me as much as I
loved you before the lithium.

It is just a fantasy, I know.  A dream that will never be.  But it
sustains me.  You sustain me.  Please, let me live my dream a little
longer.

I looked up just now into Kimiko's eyes.  She smiled at me, a smile of
love and compassion.  I smiled back and held her hand for a while.
Maybe the prozac is finally beginning to kick in after all these days.
Wonderful stuff, these drugs.  If only I didn't feel so tired and
nauseous and cramped all the time.

If only.  Sad words, aren't they?

I will finish now, and talk to Kimiko, and try to give her the love she
deserves.  That we all deserve, normies and wackos alike.

Love,

   The Black Rose

---

"How fares my sister?"

"I... I dunno.  She's... she's doing okay, I guess."

"Your expression belies your words."

"Dang, it's hard.  She's having a tough time at the hospital.  I think
she's getting better.  I think."

"She... she will be okay.  My sister was always stronger than I was."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"I dunno.  You can be all right, too."

"This food is excellent."

"Uh, yeah, it is.  Y'know, though, dinner ain't as interesting without
the poison."

"You complained vociferously about the poisons, as I recall."

"Strange how you miss stuff after it's gone."

"Yes.  I hope my sister returns soon."

"So do I."

---

Dear Ranma-sama,

I apologize for my last letter.  I can't clearly remember what I wrote
in it, but I am certain it was filled with self-pity and laments.  Those
were merely a by-product of the depression I was feeling at the time.
Tohru explained it to me again, adding more details.  The brain is a
fascinating organ.  Infinitely complex, capable, and fragile.

Kimiko doesn't leave my side any more.  She loves me as a daughter, and
has become quite dependent on me.  I fear what will happen to her when I
am discharged.

My sensei believes that will be soon.  The lithium has worked well, he
says.  I am fortunate; that is not always the case.

I will continue my personal therapy, but I will be glad to be out of the
group therapy.  It has accomplished nothing for me, and I haven't been
very helpful with the others.  As sick as I am compared to you, Ranma,
so they are to me.  There are levels and levels to mental illness, and I
am barely on the first plateau.  In that sense I am fortunate; the
disease could be much worse.

Tohru came by to explain how to medicate myself when I leave.  He was
awkward and stumbled over his words a lot.  I think he wanted to ask to
see me after I check out.  It probably didn't help that I mentioned you,
Ranma-sama.  He asked who I was writing to and I told him, "My
fiancee."  The expression that crossed his face was sad to see.

Seeing others in pain used to be exciting.  Time was, I was in pain so
much that I wanted to see others in pain as well.  This made my pain
more... common.  I think that is why I kept poisoning your food,
Ranma-sama.  Please believe me, I regret that terribly.  You above all
people did not deserve that.

My feelings are so confused these days.  I don't know how to respond a
lot of the time.  I have to stop and think it through, decide what the
right thing to feel is.  I'm not sure that's good.  Both Tohru and my
sensei say that, in time, my body will adjust to the lithium and I'll be
able to have more natural reactions.

Time, it's all about time.  I feel... not miserable.  Just... muted.
Vaguely sad or vaguely happy, but that's about it.

I'm stable.

God help me.

Love

   The Rose of No Color

---

Ranma stood in the hallway, looking at the set of double doors at one
end.  Beyond them was another set of double doors, and beyond *them*,
the psychiatric ward.  He could see through the reinforced glass, but
only in a narrow field of vision.

He kept jumping from one foot to the other.  With an effort, he stilled
himself and maintained his vigil.  He could see the occasional person
passing by the windows, or sometimes entering or leaving the ward.  They
had to be buzzed into each set of doors.  It struck Ranma as being very
like a prison.

After several hour-long minutes, he saw a flurry of activity.  People
gathered just beyond the second set of double doors.  He couldn't make
out any faces.  He briefly caught sight of one person with long hair in
a ponytail tied to one side.  That person was just straightening from a
bow, then moved over to hug someone else, thus moving out of Ranma's
sight.

Ranma noticed idly that his heart was beating rapidly.  He ignored it
and focused on the windows again.

Finally, the person with the ponytail straightened and turned to face
someone else, a young doctor.  Ranma could see his face, see the wistful
expression it contained.  The doctor smiled, bowed, and straightened.
For a moment, his eyes met Ranma's through the glass; then he moved
away.

Ranma heard a buzz, and the first set of double doors opened.  Out of
the group gathered there, only one person moved through the doors.  That
person paused and waited for the second buzzing.  It came, the doors
opened.

Ranma looked closely at the person with the ponytail.  She was wearing
the clothes he'd last seen her in - elegant white shirt, sophisticated
black slacks.  Only her face was different.  It was devoid of both
makeup and expression.  The eyes were focused - indeed, they seemed
relaxed, as Ranma had never seen them before.  They were examining him
as well, moving around his body and face as if trying to take in every
last detail.

Finally their gazes met.  Ranma held it for a minute, then bowed
slightly.  "Hello, Kodachi."

A ghost of a smile appeared on her face.  "Hello, Ranma-sama.  I am
ready to go home."

~*~

END PART SEVEN


Author's Note:

The song is "Flowers on the Wall" by The Statler Brothers.  It's on the
"Pulp Fiction" soundtrack.  This is a song that sneaks up on you.  It
is, as described, an upbeat song, just vocals, a banjo, and a drum.  It
is hip, bright, and my first impression wasn't terribly good - I'm not
much into country western.  And yet, as I heard it again and again, I
*listened* to the lyrics, and realized how out of sync they were with
the fast-paced melody.  The more I listened to it, the more I realized -
the narrator (singer) is seriously ill, and is hiding behind a facade of
bright gaiety.  Enough of his severe depression leaks through to let you
know how much help he needs.  It's a terribly effective song at
portraying what mental illness is like - the contradictions that make no
sense to "normies", but which are perfectly logical to the person with
the illness.  I made an .mp3 of the song, available upon request.



This is the eighth part of a ten-part series focusing on Ranma, Akane,
and Kodachi.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous
parts can be found on my web page (URL below).

Let me know what you think.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Eight: The Color Black


Ranma was poised with the tips of his toes just touching the
windowsill.  His heels were flat together and his knees bent and
sticking out on either side of his body.  It was a very silly-looking
pose and he assumed it when he was in a high humor.

Right now, he was sitting this way while staring at the slowly emerging
dawn in the hope that it would somehow lift his spirits.  It wasn't
working.

Kodachi's homecoming had been muted.  She had been more than a little
apprehensive about all the new faces Ranma had introduced her to.  She
had begged off of dinner, saying that she was more tired than she was
hungry.  Ranma, seeing the way she held herself, had known it to be
true.

His own sleep had been fitful.  He was concerned that the servants were
doing more harm than good.  He was worried that Kodachi had gained
sanity by becoming a drug-induced zombie.  He was worried that the
stress would finally push Kuno over the edge; his behavior had not
changed, and had become even more manic in recent weeks.

Mostly, Ranma was worried that it was all his fault, that by trying to
solve other people's problems he was instead destroying their lives.

Ranma sighed and jumped out into the yard.  He ran through a kata; he
didn't do them very often, depending more on the mock battles he'd
fought with first Genma then Kodachi.  However, this time he needed the
ordered mechanics of the kata to try and calm his spirit.

Much to his surprise, it worked.  He'd done too much damned worrying of
late.  He'd done what needed to be done.  Time to move on and deal with
whatever happened as a result.

Smiling, he turned towards the house and started.  Kodachi was standing
on the porch, dressed in her leotard.  She had her arms crossed, one
hand lifted to cup her chin.  Ranma instinctively examined her eyes and
found them as he had yesterday: relaxed and focused.

That, he decided, was a very good sign.

Her face, however, was expressionless.  "Good morning, Ranma-sama.
Watching you work the forms was very pleasant."

"Er, thanks."  He looked around and picked up one of her balls.  "Ready
to work out?"

She studied him a moment more, then stepped off the porch.

They began the battle, but Ranma knew her heart wasn't in it.  She was
moving almost lethargically, going through the motions with no heat
behind her attacks.  Ranma had to hold himself back so much that he
found himself responding in much the same lethargic way.

He decided to press a little, try to get her out of her doldrums.  He
attacked more vigorously, reaching in to poke her in the ribs, lightly
rap her on the head, other innocuous, annoying attacks.  It was the most
he'd ever hit a woman and he didn't like it at all, but he wanted to get
her angry, to scowl at him and throw a razor-sharp hoop at his head.
Instead she just absorbed the attacks without counter-attacking
effectively.

Finally, he swept her legs out from underneath her.  She just remained
where she'd fallen on her rear, her hands supporting her back as she
remained propped up.  She was blinking rapidly, and Ranma realized she
was trying to keep from crying.

"Stop, we must stop.  I cannot do this any more."

Ranma sucked in his lower lip, trying to figure out how to respond.
"Oh, c'mon, this is fun, Kodachi.  I missed working out with you.  Let's
keep doing it."

She looked up at him, an expression of surprise mixed with
self-disgust.  "But I am slow and fat.  I do not deserve to be your
sparring partner."

Ranma shook his head.  "You're only slow 'cuz you're not really trying.
Let yourself go and you'll do okay.  And you're not fat."

"Yes I am!"  Something sounding almost like anger colored her voice.
"It's the medication, the lithium, it does this.  It's made me gain a
lot of weight."

"Oh, I never said you hadn't gained weight."  Ranma eyed her body
critically.  "I'd say you've gained between fifteen and twenty pounds.
But you're not *fat*."

Kodachi's eyes widened.  She stared at Ranma, examining him closely.
Ranma gazed back calmly, lifting a corner of his mouth.  For once, the
words that had flown off his lips without thought seemed to be the right
thing to say.

He raised the other corner of his mouth and held out his hand.  "C'mon.
Let's keep working out; you'll never get back into shape if you give up
this easy."

Kodachi looked at him a moment longer, then slowly raised her hand to
grasp Ranma's.  He lifted her to her feet.  They stood for a second
facing each other, Ranma still holding Kodachi's hand, their faces about
a foot apart.

Ranma gently disengaged his hand and took a step back.  "Okay, time for
round two.  This time, I ain't gonna be as nice to you."

A smile crept onto Kodachi's face.  "As well you shouldn't, Ranma-sama.
You have behaved in a most ungentlemanly fashion.  It is time I punished
you for that."

Ranma grinned, genuinely happy at her words.  This was more like it.

They continued fighting, and this time Kodachi displayed more energy.
She still wasn't up to her pre-hospital form, but she was certainly
giving it her all.  Soon they were both sweating profusely, Ranma having
pushed the combat into more strenuous forms than usual.

Finally Kodachi called a halt, bending forward at the waist and clasping
her knees.  "Is th-this how you always f-fought with your father?"

Ranma wiped his brow.  "Uh, well, to tell you the truth, he and I fought
a lot more savagely.  We got into some pretty vicious battles.  If
either one of us wasn't in top form, the other would make him suffer for
it.  A lot."

Kodachi straightened and looked at Ranma in surprise.  "How is it, then,
that I was able to defeat you?"

Ranma flushed.  "Lots of reasons.  One big reason was that I was way too
over-confident.  And... well, other things."

Kodachi tilted her head.  "Tell me."

Ranma grimaced.  "I... there's this guy, I don't know if you've met
him.  Name's Ryoga.  He hates me.  He was able to goad me into fighting
with him all night before the match."

"A large ego and poor impulse control.  I've noticed that about you
already."

"Uh, yeah."  Ranma rubbed the back of his head.  He allowed himself a
moment of self-deprecation; it was certainly easier trying to see what
Kodachi's problems were rather than face his own.  "And... well, you
were able to attach him to me.  That didn't help."

"Hmm?"  Kodachi furrowed her brow.  "Attach who?"

"Oh.  Uh, we never did talk about Jusenkyo, did we?"

Kodachi laughed, a gentle laugh that was nice to hear.  "Two months
you've lived here and there is so little I know about you.  There was
never any time before, somehow.  I... I hope we can spend more time
together, just talking."

Ranma felt his chest tighten a little, a strange sensation he was unable
to reconcile.  "Uh, sure.  That'd be good."  It wasn't exactly what he'd
been planning.  It sounded suspiciously like dating or something.
Certainly it wasn't going to help him get away from her.

However, it was probably what she needed.  He'd play along for a while
until she was adjusted.  Then he could gently break it off.  Maybe he
could get Nabiki's help.  Or, just maybe, even Akane's.

He forced himself to focus on Kodachi again.  "Uh, well, it'll help that
you don't have to do all the housework any more."

Kodachi's expression turned cold.  "I suppose it will."  With that, she
turned and moved quickly towards the house.

Ranma followed her, frowning.  When Akane was angry, she stomped,
bulling her way through anything and everything in her way.  When
Kodachi was angry, she moved with a rigid grace, her head tossed back,
in the certain knowledge that whatever was in her way would simply move
off of its own accord.

One thing they seemed to share in common, unfortunately, was getting
angry at Ranma for no reason he could fathom.

He moved slowly after her, trying not to feel irritated and failing.  He
entered the dining room and watched as Kodachi took a seat, looking
quite uncomfortable.  As soon as Ranma took a seat, the door from the
kitchen opened and the cook brought in breakfast.  How she knew exactly
when everyone was going to be seated remained a mystery to Ranma.

Kuno had been waiting impassively.  As breakfast was served, he
commented idly, "I believe you will find the food to be excellent.  We
have a worthy cook."

Kodachi looked at the woman and sniffed.  She picked up her chopsticks
and began listlessly pushing it around her plate.

Ranma had already begun.  He too appreciated the food, but he was more
concerned for Kodachi.  She looked depressed and he couldn't figure out
why.  He swallowed his food.  "Say, Kodachi, did you take your
medication this morning?"

She glared angrily at him.  "Yes!" she snapped in a tone that would have
Akane credit.

Perhaps, Ranma thought, that was why the irritation flared inside him.
Either way, he wanted to snap back at Kodachi.  He controlled himself
with difficulty.  He was fairly certain he hadn't deserved that.

"Kodachi."  Kuno's spoke with just a hint of rebuke.  "Your fiance seeks
only to ensure that you maintain your regimen and thus stay healthy.  It
is unseemly of you to respond to his genuine concern in such a
disrespectful manner."

Kodachi shifted her glare to Kuno.  He returned it calmly.  Ranma sensed
some sort of deep, unspoken communication taking place.  After a moment,
Kodachi ducked her head.  "My apologies, Ranma-sama, for my rude
behavior."

"No prob."  Ranma felt slightly unnerved by her sudden reversal.  He'd
seen Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi do the same kind of mental telepathy.
Maybe there was something to this sibling thing after all.

---

Ranma opened up the bundle the cook had given him.  The aroma of the
food made his mouth water.  The cook was very good, of that there was no
doubt.  Still, the food had none of the personal touches Kasumi had
always put into her food, like decorations in the rice that took on the
shape of birds or flowers or faces.  Ranma missed that, despite the
embarrassing shape some of those faces had taken.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Akane open her lunch box.
She started, then quickly grabbed her chopsticks and mixed her rice with
them.  Ranma chuckled.

Akane whirled on him.  "What are you laughing at?"

Ranma grinned.  "Nothing.  Nothing at all."

She glared at him, then muttered under her breath as she began to eat.

Ranma thought the exchange over.  Akane's treatment of him had gone
through some wild fluctuations since the incident with Shampoo.  She'd
ignored him completely and she'd chattered brightly with him.  She'd
gossiped with him and she'd deliberately avoided him.  However, she'd
never yelled at him, never become even mildly irritated with him until
just now.  He wondered if this was a good sign.

"I heard Kodachi came home."

Ranma looked over at Akane.  She was eating her food and staring
straight ahead.  She'd spoken in an even, factual voice.

Ranma dared to hope.

"Uh, yeah.  Yesterday."

"She was in there a long time."

"Three weeks.  It seemed to do her some good."

At this, Akane turned to consider Ranma thoughtfully.  "You mean she's
cured?"

Ranma shook his head.  "You don't cure mental illness, you control it.
She's more in control now than she was before."

"Ah so."  She looked down at her food.  "Does that mean she's stopped
obsessing over you?"

"I, uh, don't know.  She's still recovering, and... well, she still
needs someone to help support her.  It sure ain't gonna be Kuno, so I'm
doing what I can."

Akane took a sip of her milk.  "That's a nice thing you're doing for
her."

"Thanks."  He wasn't sure if she was being sincere.  It sure sounded
like it.

She looked up at him.  "And then?  After she's recovered?"

Ranma felt his stomach twist.  "Well, then we'll see.  I sure hope
she'll be able to see how screwed up our so-called engagement is, and
call it off.  And then... and then I can move out and..."

Akane raised an eyebrow.  "And?"

Ranma tried a nervous smile.  "And we'll go from there."

Akane eyed him for a minute, her eyebrow still raised.  Then she turned
back to her lunch.  "I hope it all works out the way you want."

"Uh, yeah, me too."

"Keep me posted."

"I will."

Ranma went back to eating his lunch, hope growing inside him.  Maybe,
just maybe, things were beginning to come together.  For perhaps the
first time in his life.

---

"Jusenkyo?"

"Yeah."

"Fascinating."  Kodachi was idly rubbing Midorigame's stomach.  Ranma
was watching from up in a nearby tree.  "And your father took you there
because he had heard it was dangerous, without knowing exactly *how* it
was dangerous?"

"Yeah."  Ranma felt a familiar resentment building inside of him.

"Not a shining example of intelligence, I grant you.  And your father,
he was cursed too?"

"Yeah.  Poetic justice, I'd call it."

Kodachi chuckled.  "For more than your father, I'd say."

Ranma blinked at her, wondering what to make of that comment.  He
decided he didn't want to know.

Fortunately, she moved on.  "A panda."  She shook her head.  "I didn't
know such places existed."

Ranma shrugged.  "I wish they didn't."

Kodachi punched Midorigame's stomach.  He immediately flipped over and
began to waddle back to his pond.  Kodachi walked over to the fence
surrounding the pond.  She hadn't been pleased at its construction, but
had made no further objections when Ranma had pointed out that it was
necessary to protect the staff.  She closed the gate and walked
underneath the tree.  Ranma was about to drop down when she jumped up to
land on a branch opposite him.

Ranma examined her eyes, a habit he hadn't broken himself of yet.  They
looked normal.  Almost.  "You're still wearing your eyeshadow."

She arched an eyebrow.  "And what does that mean?"

Ranma blanched.  He had never told her how much he hated her "evil"
eyeshadow.  For some reason, he'd assumed that she'd stop wearing it
after being stabilized.  "Uh, nothing."

It was as if she could read his mind.  "You know, Ranma-sama, I'm still
the same person I always was.  The medication doesn't change my
personality; it just keeps me from experiencing some of its more extreme
aspects.  Don't expect some docile geisha to take my place."

Ranma bowed his head.  "I didn't mean nothing."

She sat on the branch, her legs dangling down.  She put her elbows on
her knees and leaned forward to cup her chin in her hands.  "Can I go?"

Ranma furrowed his brow.  "Where?"

"Jusenkyo, of course.  I'd like to turn into something.  Like... an
alligator.  Or an orca."

Ranma's jaw dropped open.  "You *want* to be cursed?"

Her eyes were shining.  "A panther!  A black panther!  That would be
invigorating."

Ranma shuddered.  "Please, not a cat."

"What's wrong with cats?"

"That's... a story for another time."  He shook his head.  "I'm not sure
you've thought about what it means to be cursed.  I mean, do you know
what it's like to be afraid of the rain?  Of puddles?  Of not being able
to swim?"

"Oh, poo, Ranma-sama.  You could swim if you wanted to."

"That's not the point."  Ranma felt strangely defensive.  "It's awful
being turned into a girl.  I hate it."

Kodachi snorted.  "The only reason you hate it is because it happened to
you without your prior consent.  If you'd just get over that part of it,
you'd probably find that you don't mind it so much."

Ranma nearly fell out of the tree.  He stared at Kodachi as his mind
reeled.  That was something that had quite simply never occurred to
him.  He had no idea how to respond to it.

Kodachi was intently watching his reaction.  Her voice was slightly
strained as she asked, "Don't you think?"

Ranma shook his head, more out of confusion than anything else.  "I hate
turning into a girl, no matter what you say.  I'd do anything to be free
of my curse.  Anything."

Kodachi studied him a moment more.  Ranma thought he saw disappointment
in her eyes, the source of which eluded him.

Kodachi leaned forward until she fell out of the tree.  Ranma yelped and
tried to grab her, but much too late.  He watched as she did a complete
somersault in the air before landing on her feet.  She began wandering
towards the house.

Ranma jumped out of the tree and ran until he caught up with her.  "Uh,
I'd go to Jusenkyo with you, but Shampoo and the Amazons'd kill me
before I got within a hundred kilometers of the place."

"Don't fret, Ranma-sama.  For now, I am struggling enough with being
myself without throwing other genders or species into the mix."

Ranma chuckled despite himself.  He quickly sobered.  "How are you
holding up?"

Kodachi stopped just short of the house.  She spoke rapidly.  "Did you
know that black is the absence of color?  Some people think it's the
other way, that black is all colors mixed together but that makes
white.  You take white and you remove the colors one by one.  It fades
through different shades, and some of the colors are nice but something
is missing and you can't quite place your finger on it.  As more and
more colors disappear the blackness begins form and then you have a
world where you can see nothing but darkness and there's nothing left."

She turned to look him in the eye.  "My world was full of bright, sharp
colors, even if some of them were painful to look at.  Now the lithium
is draining the color from my life and I named myself better than I
knew.  I am Kodachi the Black Rose, the Rose of No Color, and I can't
decide between bright and painful or safe and dark."

Ranma found that his mouth was dry.  This aspect of Kodachi terrified
him.  She was supposed to be beyond this, supposed to be getting better.

The same person she had always been, she said.  Just not as extreme.
The woman who sobbed in the gray room was still alive.  He was seeing
hints of her now.

He drew a breath.  "I... I think you got another choice.  Stay, er,
safe, and, um, add some color as you go along.  If you stick with it
long enough, you'll... you'll find a white rose waiting for you
eventually."  He squirmed uncomfortably.  He would never have the Kuno
family's gift for speaking allegorically.

Kodachi looked at him for another moment.  She sniffed.  "Do yourself a
favor, Ranma-sama.  Stick with your somewhat crude manner of speech.  If
you try to imitate the speech patterns of others, you might come across
as insincere."

"Hmm?  I wasn't trying to be, y'know, insincere."

Kodachi shifted her gaze from one of his eyes to the other, searching
for what, Ranma didn't know.  "Good," she said softly.  Then she faced
forward and entered the house.

Ranma fell bonelessly to a cross-legged position, holding his head in
his hands.  Again.  Every encounter with Kodachi drained him in one way
or another.  He wasn't sure how much more he could take.

He had to remember what he was doing this for.

He sprang to his feet and ran from the mansion.

---

Ranma crept his way along the rooftop.  He listened for a moment until
he heard the sound of movement from inside.  Then he hung down and
tapped on the window.

Akane stared at him incredulously.  She came over and opened the
window.  "What are you doing here?"

"I... I just wanted to see you.  Can I come in?"

Akane looked at him dubiously.  "I don't think that would be a good
idea."

Ranma sighed.  "Okay.  How's your father?"

"He doesn't mention you or your father anymore.  No one talks about it
around him, so he doesn't explode anymore.  I think he's calmed down
now.  I'm not sure he'll ever forgive your father, but he might talk to
you."

"That's good.  Do, uh, you want me to talk with him?"

Akane stared at him for a long time.  Ranma tried to still the
irritation before it reached his face; people had been staring at him a
lot today.

Finally, Akane spoke.  "I don't know, Ranma.  I just... don't know."

"Will... will you give me some time before deciding?  Let me try and
work things out with Kodachi."

Akane let out a quiet breath.  "Okay.  You'd better go before Dad sees
you."

They held each other's gaze in the darkening twilight.  Ranma didn't
know what to feel, didn't want to stop looking in her eyes, wanted to go
back in time and find his younger self on the eve of the fight with
Kodachi and tell him to pay attention, that his whole life was in the
balance and that he'd better not blow it.

Ranma lifted himself away from Akane's gaze and ran off into the
gathering blackness.

~*~

END PART EIGHT



This is the ninth part of a ten-part series focusing on Ranma, Akane,
and Kodachi.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous
parts can be found on my web page (URL below).

Let me know what you think.

--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|



Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Nine: Moments of Light


Ranma rolled to the side and came up springing.  He snapped his head to
the side as a ribbon came snaking past.  He grabbed Kodachi's shoulders
in mid-air and flipped over her.

She whirled around quickly, producing a ball and throwing it at him.  He
decided to block it with his forearm instead of dodging it.  He
backpedaled, forcing Kodachi to pursue.  She did, throwing balls and
clubs at him.  He danced from side to side, allowing the occasional one
to hit him.

Finally he reached the rear wall of the Kuno estate.  He waited for her
to throw another club.  This one he caught, reversed, and made as if he
were going to throw it at her head.  She flinched and dived to the side,
ending up on one knee, looking up at him and panting.

Ranma grinned as he walked up to her, the club balanced on one finger.
"Gotcha."

Kodachi smiled, then grimaced.  She clutched her side and fell over.

Ranma dropped the club and moved quickly to sit behind her.  He lifted
her to a sitting position and reached around to support her rib cage.
She continued her labored breathing while Ranma gently massaged her
abdomen.

After a while, her breathing became less strained.  Ranma lifted his
head so that his mouth was clear from her hair.  "Better?"

"A little, yes.  Damn this prozac.  I never used to get cramps this
often.  I never used to retain this much water."

"Huh?"

Kodachi turned her head slightly to look at him out of the corner of her
eye.  "You don't know what I'm talking about?"

"Cramps, yeah, sure.  But how do you retain water?"

"Hmm.  What's the longest you've been female?"

Ranma looked up at the sky for a moment while he thought it over.
"Well, there were a few days when I was trying to get across China.  It
was hard to find a place to get hot water, especially since Dad didn't
have money and Shampoo was trying to kill me.  I'd guess about a week."

"I see."  Kodachi sounded slightly amused.  "I should force you to stay
female for a few weeks, just so you can experience what those of us
stuck in the gender go through.  You don't know how lucky you are in
certain respects."

"You'd rather be a guy?"

"Don't be silly, Ranma-sama.  The benefits far outweigh the irritants."

"I guess."  He wasn't exactly sure what Kodachi was referring to, and he
didn't want to know.  "Uh, do you think it'll get better?  The cramps, I
mean?"

Kodachi was silent for a moment.  "Tohru told me that the side-effects
would diminish slightly, but not much.  I could take more drugs to
counter those side-effects, but I'm not interested in poisoning my body
overly much.  Curiously, Tohru agreed with me.  He suggested some
natural remedies that may help.  But even then, the cramping and other
things won't disappear.  Not until I'm off the medication."

Apprehension twisted his stomach.  "Off?  You're gonna stop taking it?"

Kodachi sighed, and Ranma could hear irritation mixed with frustration
in it.  "Only under my psychologist's supervision.  Cyclothimia *is*
treatable with just psychotherapy.  Once I've been stabilized for a
while, and once I've dealt with... other issues, he may take me off the
lithium and prozac."

Ranma hmmphed, nodding.  It sounded very hopeful.  "How are you getting
along with your psychologist?"

Kodachi's voice was matter-of-fact.  "I hate him."

Ranma nearly choked.  His hands froze.  "What?"

She continued in the same manner.  "He is superior and annoying.  He
snaps at me all the time.  I am convinced he enjoys inflicting pain and
seeing others in agony.  I would cheerfully watch him get hit by a
truck."

Kodachi sighed, the sound of one who is trying their best to rise above
the shortcomings of others.  "Yet, he is helping.  I spew a lot of vile
at him and when I leave I feel slightly better than when I arrived.  As
long as he continues to help me improve myself, I will see him."  Her
voice hardened.  "But I will never like him."

"Oh."  Ranma didn't know how to feel about that.  He resumed his
massage.  "I thought those guys were supposed to be all warm and
understanding."

He felt her shrug.  "I never thought about it one way or the other.  Now
Tohru, he's convinced that psychotherapy is a thing of the past, that
medication will be able to treat all mental illness eventually.  A
person who offers that kind of treatment is called a
psychopharmacologist.  He told me all about it.  I think that's what I
want to choose as a vocation."

"Give people drugs and make their problems go away?"

"It is a valid form of treatment, one that produces better results than
traditional psychotherapy alone.  Also, it would be better for me to
feed people drugs that help rather than hurt them, wouldn't you say?"

Ranma couldn't help grinning.  "Yeah."  His grin faded as another
thought occurred to him.  If Kodachi was ever going to let him go, it
might be best if there was someone there for her.  "This Tohru guy -
ever talk to him?"

"Not since I left the hospital last week.  Why do you ask?"

"Just asking.  It's, uh, nice to have friendly contacts."

Something like suspicion colored Kodachi's words.  "Yes, it is."

Ranma sensed that a subject change was in order.  "Uh, how's your
cramp?"

Kodachi definitely sounded amused.  "Oh, it passed some time ago.  But I
didn't see any reason to inform you."

Ranma stopped his massage.  Suddenly, he realized that what he was doing
was very similar to hugging Kodachi.  The weight of her in his arms and
against his chest, and the smell of her hair and the movement of her
body as it breathed - all at once, these things started doing things to
him.  His heart began to hammer and his face began to burn.  He felt a
strange mixture of a disgust he knew very well, a desire he found quite
inexplicable, and the amusement he frequently used to hide behind.
"Kodachi!"  He lifted his hands away.

"No, don't."  Kodachi grabbed his hands with hers.  Her voice was almost
pleading.  "Please, hold me a little longer."  She placed his hands so
that his arms were wrapped around her.  She settled against him
slightly, resting the back of her head on his shoulder.

Ranma tried desperately not to pay attention to what exactly his left
biceps were pressed against.  He looked around to see if anyone else was
watching.  If word of this got back to Akane, she'd never forgive him.

Kodachi sighed.  "Please, Ranma-sama, try to relax.  I'd rather not be a
source of tension to you if possible."

Ranma grimaced.  He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened
them again and forced his muscles to relax.  He found that, in fact,
holding Kodachi in his arms felt rather good.  He had an opportunity,
now that he wasn't locked up, to move his left arm a little away from
her, and found himself strangely reluctant to do so.

"That's better."  Kodachi moved her head a little so that she resting in
the crook of his neck.  "That doesn't feel so bad, does it?"

Ranma shook his head slightly, incidentally bring his lips close to her
hair.  "No, it doesn't."

Kodachi made a pleased sound.  Together they stared straight ahead at
nothing at all, listening to the comfortable silence.

---

Ranma paced up and down the sidewalk.  He wasn't so sure this was a
bright idea.  He was almost certain that Nabiki would try and talk him
out of this if he had asked her about it.

He was just so tired of unresolved differences, of bad feelings
lingering in the air and screwing things up.  He'd seen what that had
done to the Kuno family, and he had no desire to see it happen to him.

Time for action.  To get it over with one way or another.

His mind made up - for the moment, anyway - he strode up to the gate,
opened it, walked to the front door, and rang the doorbell.

It soon opened.  Kasumi blinked twice at him.  "Ranma-kun?"

Ranma bowed formally to her.  "May I speak with your father,
Kasumi-sama?"  Having servants attend him had taught him the art of
humility, even if it was something he planned to use as seldom as
possible.

Kasumi looked at him a moment.  "Please come in, Ranma-kun."

"Thank you."  He stepped in and looked around, drinking in the familiar
sights.  *This*... this was home.

Kasumi indicated he should wait a moment, then walked down the hallway.
Ranma looked at the pile of shoes next to the door and noted that
everyone was home.

"He WHAT?"  Soun's angry shout didn't sound pleased.  Ranma strained to
hear more, but he couldn't make anything else.

Finally, Soun came down the hallway, followed closely by a concerned
Kasumi.  Soun looked angry but calm.  He loomed over Ranma.  "What are
you doing here?"

Ranma did something he had never done voluntarily in his life.  He got
on his knees and touched his forehead to the ground.  "On behalf of my
family, of the Saotome clan, I offer my deepest apology.  The way we
have treated you and your family was disgraceful, and I will do anything
you require in order to, uh, make up for it."

Ranma remained where he was, waiting for a reaction.  His plan had gone
no farther than this.  He'd said what he'd been planning to say, even if
he'd stumbled a little at the end.  Now it was all up to Soun.

Silence.  And more silence.  Finally a low rumbling.
"Raaannnnmmmaaaa..."  Despite the menace, Ranma thought he could detect
a trace of uncertainty.

"Daddy, it wasn't his fault."  Nabiki's voice, from the stairs.  "He
wasn't the one who backed out of the agreement.  He's not the one
liable."

"Ranma-kun is not a dishonorable man, Father."  Kasumi's voice from
where she stood next to Soun.  "You know this to be true."

"I was the one who allowed Kodachi to bet Ranma on the match."  This
voice, also from the stairs, sent a thrill down Ranma's spine.  "It's my
fault that Kodachi decided to screw up the engagement.  Not Ranma's."

Kasumi quickly spoke up.  "Assigning blame for losing the match
accomplishes nothing.  What it came down to is that one man was offered
temptation, and succumbed.  I don't think Ranma should have to suffer
because of that man's fall from grace."

"If he ever had grace," Nabiki said dryly.

Ranma suddenly felt very good.  Having the Tendo sisters on his side was
a good thing.

After another moment of silence, Ranma heard the sound of someone
shifting uncomfortably in front of him.  "Get up, Ranma."

Ranma complied, looking up into Soun's eyes.

Soun held the gaze for a moment, then looked away.  "I hope you're not
expecting to come and freeload again."

Ranma shook his head.  "No."

Soun seemed to deflate a little bit.  "I... if my daughters think you
are an honorable man, I cannot deny them.  I lift my injunctions against
you."  He straightened and shot Ranma a hard look.  "But your father is
still not to be allowed into this house or in the dojo for any reason.
Do you understand?"

Ranma nodded.  "Yes."

"Very well."  The anger drained from Soun, and he seemed unable to
figure out what to say next.

Kasumi stepped up.  "Ranma-kun, would you like to stay for dinner?"

Ranma looked over to Kasumi, back to Soun, then up to the top of the
stairs.  Akane stood there, looking at him curiously.  Their eyes met,
and Akane nodded her head fractionally.

Ranma grinned and looked back at Kasumi.  "I'd like that."

Kasumi smiled serenely, then stepped away.

Soun reached over and put his arm around Ranma's shoulders.  "So,
Ranma-kun, do you know how to play shogi?"

"Er... a little."

"Good!"  Soun lead them down the hall.  "I haven't played a match
against anyone for a long time."

"Anyone you can beat, you mean," Nabiki said as she followed them.

Ranma felt his grin growing into a full-blown smile.  This part of his
plan had gone as well as he could have hoped.  For tonight, he'd
celebrate this victory before worrying about the second and altogether
more difficult part.

---

Ranma ate breakfast alone.  He had no idea where the Kunos were, and it
worried him slightly.

He finished, stood up, and thanked the cook as she came to clear the
dishes.  He went out into the yard, with the vague idea of trying to
find where everyone was.

He wandered around, trying to decide what to do about his current
situation.  Confronting Soun had been easy; the man had no backbone.
Kodachi, on the other hand, had trouble even conceiving of things
happening in any way different from how she wanted them to happen.

Voices drifted to him from one part of the yard.  Voices that were
raised in argument.  Ranma frowned and followed them.

"I am your elder.  It is unseemly for you to talk to me this way."

"Very good.  A perfect imitation of Father.  I am most impressed."

"Father did what he thought best for the family.  It is not your place
to question him."

"Father drove Mother away before he fled himself.  How was that 'best
for the family'?"

"I- I said he did what he *thought*-"

"And his thinking was flawed.  As is mine.  As is yours.  That is why
you must- Ranma-sama, tell him."

Ranma walked up to the pen.  Kodachi was next to the pond, a fair-sized
hunk of meat in her hand.  She was pointing it at Tatewaki.  He was on
the outside of the pen looking in at Kodachi, an affronted look on his
face.

Ranma hopped on top of the fence and crouched.  "Tell him what?"

Kodachi shook the meat as if it were her finger, chastising Kuno.  "That
he must go see a psychologist.  That he has problems similar to mine,
and that they must be treated before the get worse."

Ranma looked over at Kuno.  "I, uh, think she's right."

"By my ancestors!"  Anger covered Kuno's face.  "It is not your place to
judge me, Saotome.  I will have none of this."

Ranma shrugged.  "Don't matter much to me.  But... well, do you think
anyone would want to live with you the way you are?"

A wistful look crossed Kuno's face.  "The fair Akane, or the pig-tailed
one - they both adore me for who I am."

Ranma spluttered.  "Adore you?  Kuno, you really do live in a dream
world.  Neither one of 'em can stand you.  Trust me."

Kuno focused his eyes on Ranma.  "And what would you know about it?"

"Oh for heaven's sake."  Kodachi tossed the meat into the pond, where it
was instantly answered by violent thrashing.  She grabbed a bucket,
filled it with water, and threw it at Ranma.

Ranma saw it coming and could have leapt out of the way.  Instead he
grit his teeth and let it hit him.

"There!  Do you see, Brother dear?  The 'pig-tailed one' couldn't care
less for your advances.  As you should well know, if you had but the
eyes to see."

Kuno stared at Ranma.  "My beloved goddess!  Where did you come from?"

"Oh for crying out loud."  Ranma jumped off the fence, ran over to Kuno,
picked him up, and shook him.  "Didn't you see what just happened?  Are
you blind?  Do we need to go through this over and over again?  What
does it take to get through to you?"

Kuno looked at her with bewilderment.  "Beloved, I- I do not know...
that is..."

"Look at your 'beloved' closely."  Kodachi poured hot water over Ranma.
He wondered where she got it from.  "Surely you cannot deny your eyes?"

Kuno's eyes glazed over.  He began to look around the yard.  "My
beloved... she has run off-"

With a disgusted sound, Ranma threw Kuno a short distance away.
"Dammit, Kuno, you need help.  You're the one who told me what your
mother said about you and Kodachi.  If she was right about your sister,
why can't she be right about you, too?"

"I know your dream world is a very pleasant place."  Kodachi's voice had
assumed a reasonable tone.  "Yet I also know the consequences of letting
your fantasy consume your reality.  You want something to be true - you
desperately want it to be true - and even if you know it can never come
to be, you find a fantasy place where it will always be true.  And yet,
such fantasies prevent you from finding happiness in reality.  Open your
eyes, Brother.  Work on improving your reality.  If you have trouble
with your vision, see an optometrist.  I know of a good one."

Kuno shook his head.  "There-"

"-is nothing wrong."  Kodachi and Ranma looked at each other, then back
at Kuno.

Kuno looked back and forth between them, then bowed formally.  "If you
will excuse me."  He turned and strode away.

Ranma sighed.  "Damn."

Kodachi looked over at him and smiled wryly.  "I thank you for your
help, Ranma-sama.  You performed remarkably well, given that you were
not prepared for it.  This will not be an easy task.  My brother is
quite stubborn, but I think we made progress here today."

Ranma grunted.  "Anything to keep him from chasing me."

Kodachi narrowed her eyes.  "You seem almost embarrassed to admit that
you are capable of good deeds.  You hide that embarrassment behind
self-deprecation.  I think denying that you are capable of good is just
as unhealthy as denying that you are capable of evil."

Ranma looked down.  Kodachi had no idea what evil he was capable of.  Of
what had motivated him to reform her in the first place.  His stomach
twisted with the fear that when that revelation was at last made, it
would destroy her.

Kodachi reached out to touch his arm.  "I'm sorry, Ranma-sama.  I have
been undergoing so much therapy of late, I sometimes have difficulty not
seeing everyone's actions in psychological terms."  She smiled again.
"I hope eventually to simply enjoy the moments as they come.  In time, I
will be able to."

This did nothing to improve Ranma's mood.  Still, he managed a smile.
"Yeah.  That'll be nice."

She searched his face, then turned away.  "I think I will eat breakfast
now.  The conversation with my brother took longer than I had
anticipated."  She began to walk towards the house, then stopped and
turned to face him again.  "Would you like to go on a picnic this
afternoon?"

Ranma shrugged.  "Okay.  What time?"

Kodachi frowned slightly.  "Say, one o'clock?"

"Sounds good."

Kodachi's frown deepened.  She turned and entered the house.

Ranma waited until she was gone, then ran towards the wall surrounding
the estate.  He leapt over it and ran through the streets, leaving the
Kuno family problems behind him.

---

Ranma leaned forward, staring into the pond.  He was usually so busy
falling into it that he never had a chance to admire it.  Now, in this
awkward moment of peace, he could examine it at leisure.  It was
actually kinda nice.

"You know, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said from where she sat on a boulder, "if
you'd come to us beforehand, we could have planned your presentation to
Daddy a little better."

Ranma shrugged.  "It worked."

"Only 'cuz you were lucky.  What if the three of us hadn't been there to
support you?"

"Nabiki."  Akane spoke the name without inflection.  Ranma felt more
mental telepathy thingies happening behind him.  He turned to see them
looking at each other.

After a moment, Nabiki shrugged herself.  "Well, okay, it did work.  And
pretty well, too."  She spoke almost begrudgingly.  "Good job,
Ranma-kun."

"Well, I was just-"  Ranma paused, considered.  "I mean... thanks."

"How is Kodachi-chan doing?"  Kasumi paused from where she was hanging
laundry.

"Pretty good, I think."  Ranma thought it over.  "I mean, she's still
adjusting, but she's still a heck of a lot better than before.
Sometimes I find it hard to believe she's the same person I fought in
the ring."  Ranma gazed into the pond, thinking of Kodachi.

Akane's voice nearly made him jump.  "Have you talked about your
engagement yet?"

Ranma shook his head.  "Not yet.  But soon, I think.  She's trying to
reform Tatewaki now.  I think that means she's ready to deal with the
outside world."

Kasumi looked sad.  "Do you want me to talk to her, Ranma-kun?"

Ranma smiled at her.  "No thanks.  I... I gotta do this myself."

"Hmmph."  Nabiki looked skeptical.  "You really did get lucky with
Daddy.  You sure we can't help?  Kodachi isn't going to cave in as
easily."

"No, but... well, she'll listen to me.  I mean, really listen.  That's
the biggest difference in her, the ability to, uh, focus on the
present."

Akane raised an eyebrow.  "You've gotten to know her pretty well, then?"

"Well, of course."  Looked back down into the pool and idly trailed his
hand in the water.  "I mean, I live with her and all.  And, well, she
really treats me like her fiancee.  She tells me everything.  She sent
me letters from the hospital even."

He looked up at Akane.  "Don't mean nothing.  Just kinda necessary given
the circumstances.  Now that she's getting better, I don't need to get
to know her any better."

Akane seemed to mull over his words.  She didn't respond.

Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  "So we don't have any sympathy love
happening, then?"

Ranma shook his head.  "I told you, I don't wanna be Kodachi's life-long
nurse."

"Good."  Ranma looked over at Akane.  She was looking down at her
clasped hands and refused to meet his gaze.

"Well, I'm done here."  Kasumi picked up her empty laundry basket.
"Nabiki, could you give me a hand in the kitchen?"

Nabiki began to protest, then looked back and forth between Ranma and
Akane.

Ranma's eyes widened.  "Uh, that won't be necessary."  He straightened
from his crouch.  "I gotta go."

Akane looked up at him.  "So soon?"

"Yeah, sorry."  He bit his lip.  "Er, do, um, maybe tomorrow we could,
uh, you know, if you want, er, that is..."

Akane interrupted.  "What time?"

Ranma gulped.  "Maybe around six?"

"I'll meet you then."  She turned to face Kasumi.  "I'll help you in the
kitchen."  She walked off before Kasumi could say anything.  Kasumi
looked at Ranma for a moment, then followed.

Nabiki scowled.  "Idiot.  What's so important you have to leave right at
this moment?"

Ranma shrugged.  He turned to go.

"Ranma."  Nabiki ran up to him and touched his arm.  "I've got no idea
what Akane's feelings are towards you.  I think that's because she
hasn't got a clue herself.  How you treat her tomorrow could be very
important.  It could tip the scales one way or the other."  She squeezed
his forearm tightly.  "Be careful."

Ranma stared at Nabiki for a second.  "Thanks."

He walked off as Nabiki released his arm.  Tomorrow.  It would all be
decided tomorrow.  That was a little scary.  He was looking forward to
it, though.  Looking forward to the relief he would feel when a decision
had been made, no matter what it was.

Still, that didn't mean he didn't care what that decision was.  He put
his hands behind his head as he walked, thinking of what he would say to
Akane tomorrow.

---

Ranma couldn't help himself.  He studied the food carefully.

Kodachi tsked at him tiredly.  "Ranma-sama, it is not poisoned.  I
promise you, I will never again poison anyone's food."

Ranma decided to take her word for it.  He bit into the sandwich,
chewed, and nodded his appreciation to her.

Kodachi leaned against the tree, her eyes staring into the distance, her
untouched sandwich in her hands.  "This is a beautiful place, is it
not?"

Ranma was forced to agree.  The Kuno family's limousine had proven
serviceable despite three years of disuse.  A servant had doubled as
chauffeur and driven them to a large monastery outside Tokyo.  Kodachi
had somehow gotten them inside, and they were sitting on a small hill
overlooking a lake.

Ranma finished his sandwich and lay on his stomach.  "So, Kodachi... how
are you feeling?"

Kodachi shifted her gaze over to him.  "Fine."  She took a bite out of
her sandwich.

Ranma examined her face.  He decided to try Akane's trick.  "Kodachi,"
he prompted quietly.

Kodachi swallowed and stared into her sandwich.  "I... sometimes miss
the mania.  I felt so good during those times.  I'm trying to follow
your words, trying to find the bits of color in my new existence and add
them to my inner light."  She paused a moment.  "I was hoping I would
find one such light here."  She took another bite.

Ranma grimaced.  He hadn't been terribly good company, he knew.  He'd
spent much of the ride up thinking about his date with Akane tomorrow.
He hadn't responded very well to Kodachi's attempts to start a
conversation, and after a while she'd stopped trying.

Ranma shook his head fractionally, disgusted with himself.  He needed to
behave better.  Kodachi needed to be in a good frame of mind as much as
possible.  That was important to her recovery.  And it was important to
Ranma, too.

He stood up.  "Wanna walk around the lake?"

Kodachi looked at him in surprise.  She quickly swallowed her food.
"Sure."

He reached down, grabbed her hand, and lifted her to her feet.  She
didn't release her grip, so Ranma didn't either.  Together they made
their way down the hill.

Ranma felt his heart pounding in a peculiar way.  He shook his head
again, slightly more strongly, in an attempt to clear it.  "Uh, so, you
think you'll feel good about yourself again?"

"My psychologist is helping me with some self-worth exercises.  They are
surprisingly effective.  I do feel better."

They walked together for a bit in silence before she added, "Not
necessarily *good*.  But better."

Ranma winced internally.  Not exactly what he wanted to hear.

Kodachi suddenly wrapped her arms around one of his and leaned her head
against him as they walked.  "When you're with me, though, I *do* feel
good.  Thank you for being here with me today."

Ranma swallowed.  "You're welcome.  It's, uh, nice to be here."

She looked up at him.  "Really?"

Ranma drew a deep breath and told her the truth, because she deserved
it.  "Yes, really."

Kodachi sighed happily.

Ranma grinned.  Damn the future anyway.  Time once again to forget it
and live the moment.

So he did.  He couldn't quite shake the feeling that too much pain was
waiting just around the corner, but for Kodachi's sake he enjoyed being
with her.

For Kodachi's sake, and his own.

~*~

END PART NINE



Here is the final part of my series focusing on Ranma, Akane, and
Kodachi.  It is a tale of honor, mental illness, and love.  Previous
parts can be found at:

http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm

Let me know what you think.

-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com



Flap.  Flap.  Flap.

The sound echoed loudly off the bare floors and walls.  Ranma would
never have thought that soft shoes could make so much noise.  He began
walking heel-to-toe to stop the pounding.  The resulting silence only
emphasized the emptiness.

He stopped in front of a window overlooking an alley.  The building
opposite was as old and worn as the one that housed the apartment.
After the simple beauty of the Tendo home and the stated elegance of the
Kuno mansion, places like this seemed so... lifeless.

Ranma raised his hand and made a fist.  He pounded it lightly on the
windowsill, controlling his breathing with difficulty.

The woman standing in the doorway cleared her throat.  "You indicated
that a private bath was necessary?"  She pointed at another door.

Ranma relaxed his hand, then went over to the door and opened it.  The
fixtures looked to be several decades old, but it was a complete bath.
Most importantly, no one would peek in on him during some potentially
embarrassing moments.

He nodded and turned towards the woman.  "I'll take it."

She smiled and named an amount, including first and last month's rent
and a deposit.  It was expensive, but Ranma knew it was as cheap as he
could get in Tokyo.  He reached into his backpack and pulled out some
money.  He counted off the amount, paused a moment, then handed it to
the woman.  She nodded and had him sign some documents.  She gave him a
key, then closed the door on her way out.

Ranma put his backpack on the floor.  He separated the sleeping mat and
unrolled it.  He sat cross-legged on it, looking around at the studio
apartment.  *His* apartment.

His because, for the first time in his life, he was alone.  Completely.

He swallowed heavily, wondering at the burning in his eyes.  He lay on
the mat and stared at the ceiling and thought about nothing at all until
it hurt.


Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.

   excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
   by William Shakespeare


ROSES OF SHADOW

By Richard Lawson

Part Ten: His Rose is True


Ranma entered his room.  After all this time, he was still uncomfortable
with how sumptuous it was.  Still, he had come to appreciate the desk,
the closet, the private bathroom - unheard-of luxuries only a few weeks
ago.

He sat at the desk and took out his homework.  It was fairly light
today; he figured he could polish it off before dinner.  After that, he
was due at the Tendo's.

The time flew by rather quickly.  Sooner than he thought, the bell was
ringing indicating that dinner was ready to be served.  He quickly
finished the essay he was working on, pronounced his homework done, and
rushed to the dining room.

Kodachi and Tatewaki were already there.  Ranma could feel the
uncomfortable tension between them.  Kodachi was still pushing her
brother to get treatment, and Tatewaki was still resisting.  Ranma was
on Kodachi's side, of course, but his involvement was minimal for now.

The food was served, and was excellent as usual.  Ranma shook his head,
wondering what would happen if he ever had to do without someone else's
cooking.  He and Genma had been able to take food and make it mostly
edible, but they'd never pass as cooks.

"Ranma-sama."  Kodachi's voice was bright.  "Would you like to accompany
me to the hospital tonight?"

Ranma just barely managed to keep his eyes from popping out of his
head.  "What?"

"I'm going to go visit Kimiko.  She's wanted to meet you for the longest
time."

Ranma's mind raced.  Kimiko.  The older woman who had taken a liking to
Kodachi during her stay in the psychiatric ward.  "Uh, sorry, I, uh, got
homework to do tonight."

Kodachi's face grew cold.  "Oh."  She looked down at her food.

Damn.  Something was wrong.  He needed her to feel good, to be
distracted by something.  "Say, Kodachi, is that Tohru guy going to be
there?"

Kodachi didn't look up at him.  "I do not know.  Perhaps.  I am not
going there to see him, but if he is there, I would enjoy talking with
him."

Ranma beamed.  "Yeah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?"

Kodachi didn't answer.  She ate her rice without looking at him.

Something cold was settling into Ranma's stomach.  This was not good.
"I mean, he sounds like a great guy.  Smart, knows all that drug stuff
you like so much."

Kodachi continued to ignore him.  Ranma bit his lip, wondering what he
needed to do.  Something, *anything*, and quick.  "Um, maybe later
tonight, when you get back from the hospital, we can, uh, talk or
something.  If you feel like it."

At this, Kodachi looked at him.  Her expression was still cold as she
chewed on something.  Finally she swallowed, placed her chopsticks
firmly on the table, took a sip of tea, and rose.  "If you will excuse
me."

She stalked out of the room with frigid grace.  Ranma felt each of her
steps like a kick in his stomach.  This wasn't how he'd wanted this to
go.

"Saotome."  Kuno's voice was even and neutral.

Ranma blinked over at him.  "What?"  It came out sharp and irritated,
more so than he intended, but he didn't care.

Kuno lifted up his teacup and spoke over it.  "Men's judgments are a
parcel of their fortunes; and things outward do draw the inward quality
after them, to suffer all alike."

"Huh?"

"Antony and Cleopatra, Act Three, Scene Thirteen."

"Huh?"

Kuno took a sip of his tea, then put his cup down and stood up.  "I
shall leave you to ponder its meaning.  If you will excuse me."

Ranma watched him leave, his head swimming.  He wasn't sure how much
more of this kind of stuff he could take.

He picked at his food, terribly afraid of how much of "this stuff" was
his fault.

---

Ranma stood perched on top of the fence surrounding Midorigame's pen.
He was looking intently at the alligator floating contentedly in the
middle of the pool.  Ranma envied the creature's peace.  All it had to
do was to wait until someone gave it food, and then eat.  No worries, no
mental illnesses to deal with, no traps of honor to fall into.

"A penny for your thoughts, Ranma-sama."

Ranma choked and fell forward into the pen.  He scrambled up and leapt
over the fence, convinced he had heard thrashing coming from the pond.
He landed and whirled, to see Kodachi looking at him with a raised
eyebrow as Midorigame floated serenely.

"Don't *do* that.  Man, I could have been eaten."

Kodachi smiled slightly.  "I somehow doubt that."

"Well, maybe."  He looked more closely at Kodachi.  She was wearing a
long, flowing skirt and one of her simple blouses.  She had a large
purse hanging on one arm.  She was obviously on her way out.

What was most striking was her face.  It took Ranma a second to realize
what it was.  Her makeup was much less severe than it usually was.  Her
eyeshadow didn't give her eyes an evil look anymore.

She seemed to grow nervous as he examined her.  "Do you like it?  I- I
know that you didn't like the way I made up my face before.  So I
decided to try something a little different.  Do you like it?"

Ranma felt a bit of panic.  "You don't have to change the way you look
for me."

Kodachi's widened and she appeared to be on the verge of an outburst.
The she dropped her eyes.  "Ranma-sama, I apologize for my behavior
earlier.  I did not mean to cause you distress."  Her voice was tight,
something barely contained underneath.

Ranma floundered for something to make her feel better.  "No problem.
Don't worry about that.  Go ahead and visit your friends in the
hospital.  Say hi to Tohru for me."

The words seemed to strike Kodachi like a blow.  She leaned forward from
the waist, staring at the ground, dropping her purse.  "I- I cannot..."

The ground below Ranma's feet seemed to be moving of its own accord.  He
lurched forward.  "What-?"

Kodachi whipped herself back upright.  Her expression had become frozen
ice, her voice a perfect match.  "Ranma-sama, we must talk."

Akane's face flashed before his eyes.  He needed to leave soon to meet
her.  "Uh, but I've got homework to do right now.  I mean-"

Kodachi's tone of voice brooked no argument.  "Now, Ranma-sama."

Ranma sighed and followed Kodachi back into the house.

She led him to her parent's bedroom.  Ranma felt more than a little
alarmed, wondering what she intended to do to him.  Kodachi walked over
to a painting and pulled on the frame.  It swung open, revealing a safe
behind it.  Kodachi turned the dial several times back and forth, then
opened the safe.  She reached inside and pulled out a large bundle of
yen.

She turned to face Ranma and rifled quickly through the yen.  She
counted under her breath, then held out most of the yen towards Ranma.
"Here."

Ranma furrowed his brow.  "Huh?  What's that for?"

With a tsk of annoyance, Kodachi turned back to the safe.  She put the
smaller pile of yen back into the safe and closed it.  She walked over
to Ranma, grabbed his hand, and put the yen into it.  "Take it,
Ranma-sama.  It's for services rendered."

Ranma looked at it, utterly confused.  "For what?"

"For getting me into psychotherapy, and for helping me recover
afterwards.  I have acclimated sufficiently, and your services are no
longer required.  I believe a million yen should suffice."

Nothing was making sense.  "Kodachi, I wasn't-"

"Get out!"  Kodachi pushed past him towards the door.  "When I get back
from the hospital, I expect you to be gone."

Ranma gaped after her.  He ran and grabbed her arm at the door.
"Kodachi, you don't-"

"Do you think me stupid, Ranma-sama?"  Kodachi looked into his eyes.  To
his shock, he saw tears there.  "There was a time when I could ignore
the obvious, create my own reality.  I was not as good as my brother, of
course, but I was able to deal with things that didn't go as I wanted
them to.  Now, thanks to your help, I can see things with perfect
clarity."

Ranma shook his head, still confused.  "What things?"

"Please, Ranma-sama, do not play the innocent with me."  She put her
hand on his chest and shoved him against the doorframe.  "Who is it that
you are going to meet tonight?"

The blood drained from Ranma's face.

Kodachi continued before he could answer.  "Who is it that you saw
yesterday morning?  Who is it you were thinking of all during our picnic
together?  Who is it that you went to go see that one day in the ice
cream parlor, 'disguising' yourself as a woman so that I wouldn't know
it was you?"  She brought her head closer to his.  "Who is it,
Ranma-sama?  And don't lie to me.  You've been so truthful with me in
other areas.  Try to live up to that standard now.  Who is it?"

Ranma somehow brought moisture to his mouth.  "A-Akane."

"Akane," Kodachi said in confirmation.  "All along, it's been Akane,
hasn't it?  You fought me on her behalf.  When I forced you to move in
with me, you kept a link with her.  Kept her appraised of my mental
health, told her how our relationship was going.  Conspired with her to
get me sane, in the hopes that once cured I would see how impossible our
engagement was, and release you.  Release you so you could fall back
into her arms."

Ranma tried to protest, to try and tell her she was reading it wrong,
but couldn't find the words.

"Well, it worked."  Kodachi removed her hand and stepped back.  Tears
were flowing freely down her face.  "I am sane.  Or as sane as I can be,
anyway.  Sane enough to know that you could never find me desirable.
Sane enough to know that you don't love me, will never love me.  I know
now that forcing you into marriage would make both of us miserable."

"K-Kodachi, I'd like us to-"

"Oh *please*, Ranma-sama."  Her voice was close to a sob.  "Spare me the
'friends' speech.  I don't want your pity or sympathy.  You performed
remarkably well in getting me into therapy, but now that's done and you
can drop the pretenses.  G-go to the one you r-really love."

Kodachi fled down the hall.  Ranma paused a second, then ran after her.

Halfway down the hall, she whirled on him.  Ranma nearly crashed into
her.  She screeched at him.  "Stop, Ranma-sama, just stop.  I'll be
fine, I've got my psychologist that I hate and a brother who's crazy and
with their help and support I'll get by.  You didn't want to be my
caretaker forever, anyway."  She grabbed his shirt and shook him.  "I -
WILL - SURVIVE!  The Kunos have always had a knack for survival, and I
don't need the largess of Saotome Ranma any more."

She wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shoulder for a
moment.  "You don't want me, no one's ever wanted me, not my mother not
my father no one.  I am unlovable, and the one man who has ever shown me
the smallest amount of kindness did it only so he could be rid of me.  I
wanted you to like me, I did everything I could to get you to like me,
poisoned myself tortured myself, tried to be friendly and nice and I
actually was almost able to fool myself into thinking that you *did*
like me.  But I can't, I can't anymore.  It takes too much effort to
maintain the facade, makes it harder for me to deal with reality."

Kodachi pushed herself away and looked into his eyes.  "It has to be
over, Ranma-sama.  I've reached the point where you're doing me more
harm than good.  So p-please, for both our sakes, just leave.  You can
have Akane and I can have my sanity and we can each take comfort in
those things and remember the one or two moments of illusion w-we two
sh-shared."

She began to sob in earnest.  She turned and fled down the hall once
again.

Ranma stood as still as a statue.  He didn't want to breathe, didn't
want to move or hear or see, for any of those things would cause him to
shatter on the spot.

Slowly, he lifted his arm to stare at the money he held in his hand.
One million yen.  The same amount of money Kodachi had paid Genma.

At long last, he thought to himself, I have become my father's son.

He ran to his bedroom, determined to be packed and gone before he threw
up.

---

Ranma walked down the road in a daze.  Kodachi's words were
reverberating around in his brain and they wouldn't go away.  With each
repetition, his despair and self-loathing grew.  What was truly
terrifying was the thought that perhaps it would have been better to go
to San Francisco after all.

He was a block past the Tendo home before he realized it.  Smiling
grimly, he turned around, wondering if this was how Ryogas were created.

Ranma walked up the path and knocked on the front door.  He stood,
wondering if he truly cared if it was answered.

It was answered, and by the one person he most wanted to see.  Akane was
frowning as she opened the door.  "You're la-"  She broke off as she saw
him.  Ranma could only imagine what his face must look like.

She looked behind him at the backpack he was wearing, then back into his
face.  "You... moved out?"

Ranma blew out a breath.  "Was thrown out, more like it."

"Ah so."  She examined him a moment longer.  She smiled, then sobered.
"I suppose we should talk."

"Yeah."  He shrugged out of his backpack.  Akane stepped back, and Ranma
entered the house.  He put the pack on the floor and followed Akane as
she went upstairs.

They entered her room.  She shut the door, then turned towards him.

Silence as they stared at each other.  Then Akane took a quick step
forward and hugged him fiercely.  Ranma sighed and hugged her back.

She spoke into his shoulder.  "How are you feeling, Ranma?"

"Oh, I don't know."  Ranma shifted his head slightly on her shoulder.
"Horrible."

Akane separated slightly, grasping his elbows and looking up at him.
"Why?  Isn't this what you wanted?"

Ranma grimaced.  "Well... yeah.  But... Kodachi... she didn't take it
well."

Akane cocked her head.  "Did you expect her to be happy about it?"

Ranma hung his head.  "I didn't expect her to... to be... to act so..."

"You didn't expect her feelings for you to be genuine."

"Damn!"  Ranma released her and turned away.  He looked out the window.
"I thought she was just... infatuated.  That once she got stabilized,
she'd stop being so obsessed with me."

Akane's hands were still held out from where she had been holding him.
She slowly folded them across her chest.  "A-and it hurts you to see her
in such pain."

Ranma turned back towards Akane.  "I just wanted to help her.  Why did
she have to be really in love with me?"

"You don't know, Ranma?"  Akane shook her head, looking annoyed.  "You
went out of your way to help her, got her into therapy, showed genuine
concern for her, and you can't figure out why she might be in love with
you?"

Ranma ran his hands through his hair.  "God, this was so screwed up.  It
shouldn't have been this way."

Akane spoke in a curious tone of voice.  "And what way should it have
been?"

"I don't know!  I don't know!  If... if Kodachi hadn't ever gotten ill,
if her mother hadn't left, if her father wasn't so screwed up, too..."
Ranma shook his head, frustrated with how unfair life was.

Akane was looking at him strangely.  There was a deep pain in her eyes
that Ranma couldn't fathom.  Suddenly a huge smile covered her face.
She sauntered up to Ranma, reached up, grabbed the back of his head, and
brought him down for a kiss.

Ranma locked up.  He'd never kissed anyone before, ever.  When he hadn't
been attending an all-boys school, he'd been on some training trip or
other with Genma.  Women had always been strange creatures;
inexplicable, unknowable.  Even becoming one himself had done little to
lift the mystery.  And now here was one in front of him, kissing him,
and he had no idea to react.

He stared cross-eyed at her nose.  She moved her lips slightly, and it
sent strange sensations through him.  He closed his eyes to better
concentrate on the feeling, and found that it was very pleasant.  He
moved his lips a little bit, and she responded, and it felt very good.

Her lips left his, and Ranma stood there, his eyes still closed,
enraptured.

A voice drifted from somewhere nearby.  "Did you enjoy that,
Ranma-sama?"

"Yeah.  Thanks, Kodachi."  He started, and his eyes flew open.  "Huh?"

"I thought so."  Akane smiled at him sadly.  "The reason you're feeling
so bad is because you have some feelings for her, too."

"Hey!"  Anger roiled from somewhere inside Ranma.  "What the hell was
that all about!"

Akane sighed and sat in the chair at her desk.  She stared down at her
desktop, her eyes wide and unfocused.  "I've been thinking about this
for a long time, ever since Kodachi came and took you away.  Ranma, you
know what your problem is?  It's that you don't know your own heart."

Ranma growled.  "What would you know about it?"

"Because I have the same problem."  Akane pushed a pencil around with
her finger.  "We both hate to be forced into things.  We hate it so much
that we let it color all of our perceptions.  We were so angry at our
fathers for forcing the engagement that we didn't stop to think that we
might not have minded so much."

That brought Ranma short.  The words sounded very familiar.  Kodachi had
said something like that.

Akane looked over and nodded at his reaction.  "It also didn't help that
our... relationship as man and woman got off to such a bad start.  We
were always snapping at each other, and otherwise not treating each
other very well."

"B-but Akane..."  Ranma was having trouble with his breathing.  "It
never meant nothing."

Akane spoke in a very serious and somewhat tremulous tone of voice.  "Do
you remember when I was training for the match with Kodachi?  How you
sat there and made fun of me?"  She drew in a breath.  "That hurt."

Ranma looked into her eyes and found that he didn't have anything to
say.

Akane's eyes were watering.  "To be honest, I... I wasn't always fair to
you.  I didn't treat you very well, either.  We weren't acting very much
like people who w-were supposed to be engaged."

A thick silence hung in the air.  Ranma desperately tried to stave off
something he didn't want to happen.  "Akane..."

"Do you know what I felt the day after Kodachi had taken you away?  Do
you know?"  She rubbed the tears out of her eyes.  "Relief."

The word was physically painful to hear.  Ranma trembled where he stood.

Akane's eyes began to wander around the room.  "That surprised me.  I
thought about it for a long time.  A very long time.  I decided that I
was relieved because the fighting was over.  I could walk to school and
have a nice talk with Nabiki.  I could come home and relax.  At no time
was I fighting.  With you."

Ranma finally found his voice.  "Didn't... weren't there some... good
times, too?"

Akane shrugged.  "Yes.  But not enough.  Not enough to make up for the
other times.  The times where I was shouting and angry."

She looked into his eyes again.  "You may not believe this, but I don't
like myself when I'm angry.  When you left, I stopped being angry and
started feeling better about myself.  At the same time, that made me
feel guilty.  I mean, I... should have missed you more.  But I didn't."

Ranma's legs seemed to lose their strength.  He leaned against the
wall.  "I... I never meant for you..."

"I know.  Oh God, Ranma, I never meant to make you feel bad, either.
Maybe if we hadn't been forced into that damned engagement.  Maybe if we
hadn't had that accident in the bathroom, if we'd been able to hold on
the good feelings we felt during the workout in the dojo.  Maybe maybe
maybe."  Her voice caught on the repetition.  "Too many maybes."

Ranma struggled to gain control of the situation.  It was slipping
away.  Again.  "But, Akane, the pressure's off.  There's no one forcing
us.  Can't... can't we begin again?"

Akane looked at him for a while.  Then she smiled softly.  "Ranma,
believe it or not, I would sometimes fantasize about you saying
something like that to me.  I'd picture you acting kind and decent and
considerate.  It's nice to see.  I w-wish I'd seen it sooner."  Her
smile faded.  "I wish I'd acted that way sooner.  But right now... I
can't.  Too much went wrong, too quickly."

The desk suddenly reverberated from Akane's blow.  "I mean, you came in
here, and it was supposed to be you and me, and instead you started
going on about Kodachi.  And it came back, the anger came back.  I
wanted to hit you, to yell at you and tell you to forget her and
concentrate on *me*.  I can't do that anymore, Ranma.  I can't be angry
all the time."

Ranma swallowed.  "I'm sorry.  For everything."

Akane nodded.  "Me too."

"Can't... can't you give it a chance?"

Akane looked at the floor for a long time.  Then she sighed.  "Maybe.
Maybe someday.  When we can put this behind us."

Ranma tried to take hope from her words.  He didn't much succeed.

"Ranma..."  Akane stood up and walked over to him.  She reached up and
rapped his head a couple of times with her knuckles.  "You are so dense
sometimes.  Mostly about your own feelings.  You spend so much time
trying to get out of things you've been forced into - your curse, our
engagement, the Kuno mansion - that you don't stop to think about your
own heart.  Stop and listen to it sometime."  She gulped.  "You might be
surprised at what it tells you."

Ranma couldn't meet her eyes.  He knew she meant well, but her words
were hollow in her ears.  "Yeah, whatever."  He pushed himself off the
wall and stepped past Akane.  "I gotta go."

"Ranma."  She grabbed his arm.  Her voice had a touch of desperation in
it.  "Please don't hate me?"

He relaxed his voice marginally.  "Hate you?  Never."

"Can- can we be friends?"

Ranma fought the shudder off.  "Sure."

"Good."  But her voice sounded sad, as if she knew what his real
feelings about that were.

Ranma broke free from Akane and left the Tendo home and went nowhere at
all.

---

Ranma stared at the ceiling of his new apartment.  Hours and hours he'd
spent not thinking.  Something had to give soon.

Finally, something did break through: disgust.  Here he was, paralyzed
with fear, lying around doing nothing.  That was not the way he lived
life.

He sat up and tried to think about trivialities.  He'd skipped a day of
school to find this apartment.  He'd have homework to make up.  And
stuff to buy.  The equipment in his backpack was good enough for a
wilderness campout, but not sufficient for urban living.  He'd need a
desk or table or something.  A lamp, too, he noted as the sunlight began
to fade.  Stuff to cook with on the hotplate that came with the
apartment.

His mind began to move again.  A bit of energy to lighten up the
depression.  He began to try and organize the tasks he needed to.  He
reached into his backpack and pulled out a pad of paper and a pen.
After a moment's thought, he began to make lists.

So many things he needed to do.  So many things he needed to get right.
Time to stop waiting for things to happen so he could react; time to
start making his own mark in the world.  Beginning with this apartment.
*His* apartment.  *His* life.

A jolt ran through him, revitalizing him.  His hand began to move more
and more frenetically, scrawling entries on the pad as the things he
needed to do became clear.  Akane and Kodachi had both been right; he
had to stop feeling so damned sorry for himself.

He almost smiled.  He was Saotome Ranma, which meant that nothing could
keep him down.  He'd almost forgotten that this time.  He'd been so
worried about things he'd forgotten to just relax and have fun.  He
resolved never to do that again.

The depression left him like a two-ton weight off his shoulders.  His
spirit soared as it hadn't since the gymnastics match.

He was Saotome Ranma.  He would be just fine.

~*~

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This story represents the culmination of my love affair with Kuno
Kodachi.  :)

I really used to despise her.  She was second only to Happosai on my
list of "Characters I wish Takahashi Rumiko had never created".  Thus,
in writing my post-manga story "Thy Inward Love", Kodachi gets quickly
dealt with and is never seen again.

It was Sebastian Weinberg's dissatisfaction with the "easy way out" that
led me to write another story called "The Dying of the Rose".  I wrote
it from Kodachi's perspective and really got inside her head.  While
doing so, I fell in love with her.  At least, as much as one could or
should fall in love with a two-dimensional fictional character.  :)  I
even began rooting for her in the manga.  So I just *had* to write this
story.

I found it interesting that people, in reading previous parts, couldn't
believe that this could possibly end in ten parts.  In my mind, I've
been building to this conclusion for quite some time.  What do you
think?  Did things seem rushed in this part?  I didn't think it was, but
I'd be *very* interested in your opinions.

Speaking of prereaders: thanks to Sebastian Weinberg, Zen, Nicholas
Leifker, and Sean Gaffney (aka "The Guys") for their superlative C&C.
Also, I had a lot of good help diagnosing Kodachi's mental illness:
thanks to David Lerman, Bob Barnes, alt.support.depression.mania, and
The Pendulum web page.  Anyone who identifies very closely with
Kodachi's problems may want to check out The Pendulum
(http://www.pendulum.org).  It is an excellent resource for information
about bipolar disorder.

Oh, and one more thing.

---

Kuno Kodachi sat on the roof of her family's mansion.  On her left was a
pile of black roses, the result of hours of painstaking effort.  She was
taking them one at a time and methodically pulling the petals off until
one remained.  She would stare at the sole petal for a moment, then
added the deflowered rose to the growing pile on her right.

Ranma watched for a while, then picked up his bookbag and walked towards
her.  He leapt in the air, twisted, and landed on his feet in front of
her.  "Hey, Kodachi."

Her eyes widened.  "Ranma-sama."  Her voice was halfway between
irritation and hope.  "I thought I told you never to return."

"Yeah."

"Yet here you are."

"Yeah."

"I should summon the police."

"Do you want me to go?"

Kodachi looked down at the rose in her hands.  "I don't know what I want
anymore."  She continued to pull petals from it.

Ranma sat cross-legged in front of her.  "Whatcha doing?"

"Playing, 'he loves me, he loves me not'.  I had difficulty accepting
the answer I had discovered for myself, so I decided to let my beloved
roses determine the answer for me."

She came to the last petal and stared at it.  "They, too, tell me an
answer I do not want to hear.  I have been trying other of my roses, but
the problem is that I created them all with the same number of petals.
So they all give me the same answer.  Eventually, I suppose, I will
listen.  Eventually.  But I have not yet excised all of my foolish
hopes, so I keep playing this game."  She set the bare rose aside, and
pickup up another full one.

Ranma grunted.  He opened up his bookbag and reached inside.  "Maybe you
just need to use something different."  He removed a white rose and held
it out to her.

Kodachi froze in place, staring at the rose.  Ranma wasn't sure she was
breathing.

She lifted her eyes and stared at him.  He grinned back at her.

Her voice came as if from a distant place.  "You don't like me."

Ranma snorted, still smiling.  "Says who?"

"You were always going to see Akane."

"Well, I probably still will, like you go and see Kimiko.  We're just
friends."

"You wanted to get away.  Everything you did was to find a way to leave
me."

"I was an idiot."

Kodachi's expression was slowly turning incredulous.  "B-but you don't
want to take care of me forever and ever.  I don't want that, either."

Ranma laughed.  "So, okay, we take care of each other.  God knows, I
need help sometimes.  Lots of times."

She was breathing heavily.  "Ranma-sama..."

"Look, how about calling me Ranma?  I ain't your superior."

Kodachi's voice was trembling.  "Ranma.  You're not teasing me?  Not
trying to get something out of me?  I can give you more money."

Ranma tsked and shook his head.  "C'mon, Kodachi.  Is it so hard to
believe that someone might like you?  I ain't lying, not now, not about
this.  Never again, if I can help it."

Kodachi spoke in a small voice.  "You like me?"

Ranma nodded firmly.  "Yeah.  Yes."

A tear trickled down her cheek.  Slowly, she put the black rose she was
holding in her hand on the rooftop, then reached out and took the white
rose from Ranma.  "Sh-should I pull off the petals?"

Ranma smiled.  "How's about we just say that we both know what the
answer really is, and leave the rose alone?"

Kodachi gave him a weak smile.  She smelled the rose, then put it in her
hair, her eyes not leaving his.

Ranma felt incredibly good.  This was nice, this not denying stuff.
He'd have to try it more often.

He turned and sat next to Kodachi.  "Now, I was talking of needing your
help.  I got a lot of stuff I need to take care of and I need your
advice."  He reached into his bookbag and pulled out his pad of paper.

Kodachi leaned into him, clutching his arm as she read the pad.  "'Pots
and pans and stuff'?  You know, Ranma-s... Ranma, you could move back in
here."

Ranma paused for a moment.  "Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea.
I mean... well, I don't want either one of us to think that the only
reason we were going out was so I could freeload off of you.  That's
why, once I get settled, I'm gonna work out some kinda repayment plan
for the yen you gave me."

Kodachi looked up at him.  "There is no need.  You performed a service
and were compensated."

Ranma shook his head.  "Nah.  I helped you for my own reasons.  Not
exactly alteristic of me."

Kodachi lifted a corner of her mouth.  "Altruistic."

"Uh, yeah, that."  He flipped past several pages on the notepad.
"Anyway, it was this list I needed help with."

Kodachi frowned.  "I am not sure I can understand your handwriting."

"Well, I was a little excited when I wrote it.  First of, I gotta find
my father and set things right with him."

Kodachi stiffened.  "I- I share some responsibility in that."

Ranma nodded.  "A little, yeah.  You weren't feeling well at the time,
so I don't blame you so much.  Still, I could use your help."

Kodachi considered the pad silently for a moment.  "All right."

Ranma grinned.  "Great.  Also, one of my friends is lost.  No one's seen
him for weeks.  I should find out where he is.  I'd like to get cured,
too.  Gotta figure a way around Shampoo first, though.  Oh, and I want
to help you with your brother, if you'll let me."

Kodachi spoke softly.  "I'd like that.  Anything else?"

"Not right now.  I'm sure more stuff will come up.  It always seems to."

"Funny you should mention that."  Kodachi reached over and pulled out
something half-buried in the discarded roses.  "This was found at our
front gate this evening, evidently left there by someone who didn't know
you'd moved out."

Ranma frowned at it.  "What is that?  An okonomiyaki?"

"Yes.  A challenge is written on it."

Ranma snorted.  "Weird."  He suddenly grinned.  "This is more of what
I'm used to."

"Evidently."  She looked up at him.  "I believe, however, that there is
no problem that we two cannot overcome."

Ranma smiled back at her.  "I think so, too."

Kodachi shook her head in wonderment.  "I cannot believe my eyes and
ears.  Can this really be Ranma?  He isn't shy about expressing his
feelings, isn't afraid to ask for help, and confronts difficult
emotional issues head-on."

Ranma chuckled.  "I just decided to listen to a good friend of mine.
She told me to listen to my heart.  I did, and I sure like what my heart
is telling me."

Kodachi reached up with one of her hands to touch his cheek.  "I love
you, Ranma."

Ranma bit his lip.  "Well, I, uh, ain't quite ready to say the same
thing back to you, yet.  Let me just say... I mean, I like you.  And the
possibility... the possibility for more is there."  He smiled gently.
"Fair enough?"

She smiled, a tender smile he had never seen in her before.  "It is more
than I had ever thought possible."  She looked evenly at him.

He was getting better at this telepathy stuff.  Ranma bent his head down
and kissed Kodachi.  And decided that white roses were definitely more
his flavor.


ROSES OF SHADOW - THE END

    Source: geocities.com/brian_kun