TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
				by Scott K. Jamison
				(Takahashi disclaimer)
				    Chapter Nine

	I woke up in the toilet, feeling nauseous.  There was a smell of 
vomit in the air, and I was in Ranma's clothes.  Someone was pounding at the 
door. 
	"You done yet, Ranma?" came Ryouga's (or maybe Shinnosuke's) 
voice.  "You're not the only one with problems, ya know." 
	I rinsed out my mouth, still tasting something awful, and called, 
"Coming!" 
	As soon as I opened the door, Ryouga (or Shinnosuke) rushed in, 
muttering "good idea" as he passed me.  I heard retching sounds as I 
closed the door behind me.
	The rest of the family was looking at me worriedly.  I smiled 
weakly and waved to show I was all right.  Then I noticed Akane was 
missing. 
	It was in the first week of the "make-up time" Ranma had promised 
me when he needed to practice ice skating.  But Akane had begged me to 
let Ranma stay awake this evening, as she had a surprise planned.  I was 
beginning to suspect something had gone seriously wrong with the 
"surprise." 
	The family looked at each other nervously.  Obviously, none of 
them wanted to be the one that broke the news. 
	Finally, Kasumi admitted, "Akane cooked dinner tonight." 
	That came as a bit of a surprise.  Akane had never once indicated 
an interest in cooking since I'd met her.  In fact, she'd been the one to 
show me you didn't necessarily have to be "Little Miss Homemaker" to be 
feminine.  But then, she might well have been holding back because Kasumi 
was so fond of cooking, and didn't want to cut in on her big sister. 
	"Is there any left?" I asked.
	"All you can eat." assured Nabiki, with that deadpan expression 
that meant trouble ahead.  She had a nasty habit of not lying, but not 
quite giving you all the truth either. 
	I looked at the table.  I didn't recognize any of the dishes, but 
Akane certainly had gone all out for quantity.  I picked up some 
chopsticks and took a portion of the meat dish.  It looked all right if 
unidentifiable, but the scent seemed a little off.  I noticed no one else 
was breathing.
	I took a bite--and spat it out.  It tasted awful!  Somehow Akane 
had found the world's worst combination of spices and herbs.  Plus the 
meat was charcoal on one side and raw on the other, and I could swear 
she'd used vinegar rather than white wine.  But no one would do that, 
right? 
	She had to have done better on the rest of it.  I decided to try 
what looked to be some form of fried rice, but Father caught my wrist.  
"No, Ranko, you've punished yourself enough."
	"It's...all like that?"
	Kasumi nodded.  Mr. Tendou burst into tears.  "My poor baby 
girl!" 
	"I gotta admit," said Nabiki, "Ranma and Ryouga are pretty gutsy 
guys.  The rest of us knew to quit after a couple of bites, but they just 
kept gulping down mouthful after mouthful.  Kept glaring at each other 
too.  Looked more like a competition than a meal." 
	A voice came from the bathroom.  "Ryouga you jerk, I don't know 
what you've done to us, but I'm gonna *kill* you for this!"
	"Ah, Shin-chan has joined us."  Nabiki went to talk to him while 
I climbed the stairs. 
	I knocked on Akane's door, making the duck nameplate sway 
slightly. 
	"Go away!"
	"Akane, it's me, Ranko.  Can I come in and talk?" 
	She opened the door.  Akane's eyes were all red and puffy from 
crying.  I hated seeing her like this. 
	"Oh, Ranko, what am I going to do?  I can't cook and Ranma's 
going to hate me for trying to poison him and I'm never going to make a 
good wife!"  She started crying again, and I led her back to her bed. 
	"Um, Akane, since when do you care about being a `good wife'?"  
Admittedly, not the most tactful thing I could have said, but I was 
honestly curious.
	"Ranma always teases me about being unfeminine, so I thought I'd 
show him that just because I like to be active doesn't mean I can't do 
girl things too.  I don't want to be a wife right now, but I do want to 
have a family some day, and what good will I be if I can't even cook for 
them?"
	"You know perfectly well Ranma doesn't mean half the insults he 
uses.  Besides, cooking isn't the be-all and end-all of a marriage.  At 
least I sure hope it's not." 
	"But you and Kasumi make it look so easy!  All my stuff turned 
out horrible."
	"Akane, have you ever cooked before?" 
	"No, but I've watched Kasumi plenty of times."
	"Did you get her to help you tonight?"
	"Of course not!  This was supposed to be *my* big surprise for 
Ranma." 
	"Did you taste the food while you were cooking it?" 
	"Well, um...no.  I was so busy, there was no time to taste." 
	"Akane, I didn't start cooking my first day by making a whole big 
dinner all by myself.  And if you ask her, I'm pretty sure Kasumi will 
say the same.  We both started with simple things, being guided by 
somebody else who already knew how to cook.
	"It's not that you're a bad cook, it's that you're not a good 
cook *yet*.  Remember when you told me about ice skating?  It's like 
that.  It takes time and practice."
	She'd pretty much stopped crying.  "But won't Ranma be mad at 
me?" 
	"Maybe he will, but Nabiki tells me both he and Ryouga really 
tried hard to finish their meals, so I think he understands some of how 
you feel." 
	"So I should ask Kasumi or you for help next time?"
	"It couldn't hurt." 
	Downstairs, Shinnosuke was utterly failing to get Nabiki's "Mr. 
Elephant" jokes.  Naming him after a manga character was probably not the 
brightest thing I've ever done either.  But I assured myself almost 
anything was better than "Daremo". 
	"Hi, Shinnosuke."
	"Hiya, Ranko!"
	"You ever manage to get home?"
	"Sure.  Unfortunately, Ryouga's parents have the same problem 
with wandering off he does.  Place was deserted, maybe for months.  Best 
we could do was leave notes and get some laundry done."
	"The way you said that, it sounds like you don't have the 
tendency to get lost Ryouga does."
	"Well, not as bad, I guess.  I'm usually lost when I wake up, but 
if I cover the distance from one place to another, I can find my way 
back.  Say, how are you and Ranma getting along?" 
	"Okay, I guess.  As well as can be expected.  Though waking me up 
so he didn't have to deal with the aftertaste of Akane's cooking was a 
dirty trick."
	"Yeah.  Ryouga 'n' me, we're not getting along well at all.  He 
doesn't want to give me my fair share of time, and he's dead set against 
us going back to school."  Shinnosuke looked a bit glum. 
	"School?" 
	"Yeah, he hasn't been in school since he left to chase down 
Ranma.  Ryouga says we don't need an education, but I think he just 
doesn't want the embarrassment of having to be dragged to the school 
every morning." 
	"Why don't you stay here for a while?  I can show you where 
Furinkan High is, and maybe they can arrange some sort of extension 
classes or something for you two."
	"Sounds good to me, Ranko.  So, what's happened since I saw you 
last?" 
	I told him about the Golden Pair and how Ranma had challenged 
Mikado over the skater's stealing a kiss from me.
	"That's pretty...amazing.  But that kiss shouldn't count as your 
first.  Kisses only count if you both want to do them." 
	"You really think so?"
	He blushed.  Suddenly I was glad Nabiki had wandered off.  "Well, 
sure." 
	I looked at Shinnosuke.  He was kind of cute, and we had a lot in 
common.  And I was feeling jealous of Ranma because he at least had the 
beginnings of a relationship.
	"Would you like to kiss me?"  I asked.
	Shinnosuke's eyes went wide.  He hesitated for a long time.
	"What's the matter?"
	"I-it's not that I don't think you're pretty, Ranko, and you mean 
a lot to me.  You were the first person who cared enough about me to find 
out what was wrong, the one who helped me understand what had happened to 
me.  But...I'm not sure I'm ready to be more than friends."
	"Friends can kiss." I told him. 
	"Okay."  He smiled and leaned towards me. 
	I brought my face near his and closed my eyes. 
	I was *not* expecting a sharp pain in my ear and being dragged 
from the room.  When Father released me, I turned angrily on him. 
	"What did you do *that* for?!"
	"What the hell were you thinking of boy?  No son of mine--" 
	"I AM NOT YOUR SON!" I screamed. 
	His fist was a millimeter from crashing into my face when he was 
stopped by a calm but chilly voice.
	"Mister Saotome.  Think."  I had no idea Kasumi could sound 
so...so commanding.
	Father looked at me, then at his fist, then at Kasumi's disapproving 
face.  He lowered his arm and his gaze.
	Kasumi smiled again and the world seemed to grow brighter. 
	"Ranko, I--I am sorry.  I forgot the implications of your change, 
and saw only Ranma.  My son, about to kiss another boy.  But you know I 
haven't given you permission to date."  Trying to change the subject, as 
always uncomfortable with apology.
	"A little kiss isn't dating.  Besides, I think I've learned 
enough about boys and how to handle them to start dating now.  I won't 
learn any more unless I have some practical experience."
	"Not quite yet, please, Ranko?  You may be ready, but I'm not.  
Besides, Ranma hasn't really been on a real date with Akane yet himself.  
Come to think of it..."  He drifted off, musing on whatever he thought 
about when he started to scheme.
	Back in the living room, I apologized to Shinnosuke, but we 
decided that kissing was out for tonight anyways.
	The next afternoon, Akane and I were met at the door by an 
excited and happy Mr. Tendou.
	"Good news!  Our dojo will have a distinguished visitor next 
week!" 
	"Really, Daddy?  Who?"
	"See for yourself, Akane!"  He thrust a newspaper in her face. 
	After we got it spread out a bit, we saw the headline, "Princess 
to Visit Japan."  Apparently, this Chinese princess wanted to find a 
strong husband, and was visiting several dojos in Japan to see if there 
were any suitable warriors here.  It didn't mention the princess' name or 
where exactly in China she was from.  Come to think of it, hadn't the 
Communists gotten rid of all the old nobility? 
	"Our dojo has been chosen to be the one to host her while she's 
in Tokyo, a signal honor.  I'm sure you'll do your best to make our 
visitors happy, my daughter!" 
	"Um, but do you know anything about her, Uncle Tendou?" I asked.  
	"There's a picture on page 23, Ranko.  She seems to be quite 
pretty!" 
	We opened the paper to the appropriate page, and sure enough 
there was a picture of a beautiful girl in formal Chinese robes and a lot 
of jewelry.  Somehow she seemed familiar to me.  I put my hand over her 
dress and hair, and concentrated on the face.  Then it came to me. 
	"Shampoo!"


	TO BE CONTINUED...

SKJAM!
"There's a reason for the rain, a purpose to the pain"	


	(Previously:  In an alternate universe where the Jyuusenkyo 
springs alter minds as well as bodies, Ranma's female form has her own 
personality, named "Ranko."  Ryouga fell in a pool that turns him into a 
nearly-identical boy named "Shinnosuke."  Last time, Genma prevented 
Ranko from kissing Shinnosuke, and an announcement was made of an 
upcoming visit.)

				TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
				by Scott K. Jamison
				(Takahashi disclaimer)
				    Chapter Ten

	"Shampoo!"
	"Um, Ranko, what has that got to do with anything?" 
	I pointed to the photograph.  "No, I mean her name is Shampoo.  I 
met her in China." 
	"Really?  What's she like?" asked Akane.
	"Well, she didn't speak Japanese, so I can't say I really know 
her.  She was winning some sort of martial arts tournament, and she got 
really mad when Father ate her prize.  So cute, violent, short-tempered; 
a lot like you actually."
	"I am not short-tempered!" snapped Akane. 
	"I don't know where this `princess' stuff comes from though," I 
said, hastily changing the subject.  "The village she was from is kind of 
dinky." 
	"Well, the Communists got rid of the Imperial system and all the 
nobility when they took over, so maybe it's a courtesy title." 
	Mr. Tendou nodded.  "Be that as it may, she and her entourage 
will arrive next week for a short stay.  Kasumi is working on the 
sleeping and dining arrangements."
	"I'll help her!" I said.  Being a good hostess was high on my 
list of things to learn, and Kasumi had become adept at dealing with 
unusual guests.  So I went off to her room.
	"The important thing here, Ranko, is flexibility.  While the 
letter tells us six people are arriving, it doesn't say who the other 
five are beyond Shampoo.  We don't know if they're male or female, what 
their relative social status is, or if they have any personal conflicts.  
So we need to plan for several different contingencies."
	"The guide we had said that it was an Amazon village, so they're 
probably mostly female."
	"Okay, Ranko, we'll proceed with that as our primary assumption, 
keeping `mostly male' as a possible contingency.  Now, do you remember 
anything else about their customs?"
	While we were doing that, Nabiki made financial arrangements, and 
Akane helped her father in physically preparing the dojo.  My father and 
Shinnosuke played go the whole time, the near-kiss forgotten for the 
moment.  Shinnosuke was progressing rapidly as a go player, having 
already learned not to let himself be distracted by Father. 
	Two days later, I got my first period.  Proof positive I really 
was a woman, not just a funny-shaped boy.  Ranma was really grossed out 
by the idea, and not at all thrilled by the, er, "precautions" he had to 
take in case he reverted to me while this was going on. 
	[Boy, am I grateful for really baggy trousers!] he wrote. 
	Meanwhile, Akane kept trying to cook.  Remember what I told her 
about just not being a good cook "yet"?  It was looking more and more 
like I was wrong.  She seemed constitutionally unable to follow a recipe, 
she invariably grabbed the wrong ingredients no matter how carefully I 
arranged for only the right ones to be in reach, and as for the 
eggs...let's just say Kasumi barred her from using the microwave for the 
foreseeable future. 
	And her temper didn't help any.  She got frustrated easily, and 
the more frustrated she was, the more mistakes she made.  There were only 
two saving graces to the situation.  One was that we had persuaded her to 
taste the food before serving it, so none of it got to harm anyone else.  
The other was that Ranma wasn't around to watch, so he couldn't upset her 
with his insults.
	Shinnosuke reluctantly turned into Ryouga, and the wanderer 
agreed to stick around long enough to greet our guests.  I think it was 
the picture of Shampoo that convinced him.
	There was a big running argument over whether Ranma or I should 
be among the greeting party.  Our fathers pointed out that Ranma, as the 
best martial artist associated with the dojo, should be present.  Akane 
countered that Shampoo might like seeing a familiar face, and besides, 
the arrival would be on one of my allotted days. 
	My last meeting with Shampoo hadn't been a very friendly one, so 
I wasn't too sure she'd be pleased to see me.  Maybe Akane had another 
motive...jealousy?  Nah.
	Ranma and I found we both had good arguments for either side, so 
it came down to a coin toss.  I would be at the initial meeting, and 
Ranma would appear at the martial arts demonstration the next day.  
	[Who wants to do all that scraping and bowing stuff anyways?] 
	At last, the big day came.  It was hot and sunny, and the gate to 
the dojo was open wide.  Kasumi, Nabiki and I were in formal kimonos, 
mine borrowed from Akane.  She and our fathers were wearing new gis 
decorated with the symbols of the Anything-Goes School.  Ryouga had to 
settle for a freshly-mended and laundered set of his travel clothes.  
	A charter bus pulled up.  The first one off was a thin 
nervous-looking man in black Chinese robes and sunglasses.  He scanned 
the area, then went back in.  
	He reappeared following an  incredibly short old woman in green 
robes.  Her white hair reached her ankles.  Despite the gnarled staff she 
used to support herself, she appeared quite spry and radiated a quiet 
power. 
	Next off were two girls of about ten or so.  Their faces looked 
identical, but one had blue hair and pink robes, while the other had pink 
hair and blue robes.  They looked like they were ready to bounce right 
into the dojo, but a stern look from the old woman settled them down.
	Shampoo herself was next, though I scarcely recognized her.  She 
was wearing bright red robes with golden dragons embroidered on them, and 
what looked like a queen's ransom in jewelry.  Her hair was done up in an 
elaborate style.  I had to wonder how she kept that long silk ribbon 
hovering around her shoulders without being visibly attached to anything. 
	In short, she looked like a Chinese goddess.  But the peevish 
expression on her face belied that divinity.  Shampoo moved a little 
awkwardly looking uncomfortable in her elaborate costume. 
	Just behind her was a tall man  in white robes, wearing thick 
glasses.  He leaned forward to say something to Shampoo, who backhanded 
him casually.  I'd been right the first time I saw her.  Violent. 
	The old woman entered first, followed by Shampoo, who was flanked 
on each side by the young girls.  The tall man followed just out of arm's 
reach, and the older man struggled in last, carrying a carved chair. 
	Shampoo was guided into this chair, which served as a throne.  
During all of this, we had maintained respectful postures.  The tall man 
took a place at her right, and the old woman at her left. 
	The tall man (or rather boy, for I could see now he was no older 
than Shampoo) spoke.  "The Princess Shampoo is pleased to grace you with 
her presence."  (She didn't look it.)  "The lady to her left  is Cologne, 
matriarch of Joketsuzoku.  I am Mousse, the Princess' translator.  Please 
do not look at me when addressing the Princess or receiving her answer.  
As a male, I am unworthy of notice." 
	That last statement startled me a bit.  The attitudes I'd 
inherited from Ranma made me somewhat deferential to men, and even Akane 
grudgingly acknowledged male authority in the person of her father.  But 
Amazons obviously did things differently.
	The other visitors had faded into the background.  Apparently 
they weren't worthy of introduction.
	Mousse said, "You may approach."
	Mr. Tendou strode forward and bowed.  He looked more dignified 
and calm than I'd ever seen him before. 
	"Greetings, Princess.  I am Souun Tendou, master of this dojo.  I 
welcome you most humbly."
	He indicated Father.  "This is my colleague, Genma Saotome.  
Together we are the masters of the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts." 
	Mousse translated.  Shampoo did not look impressed. 
	Mr. Tendou motioned Akane forward.  "This is my daughter, Akane, 
heir to my school."  Akane looked very proud, and Shampoo seemed a little 
more interested in her. 
	"And these are my other daughters, Kasumi and Nabiki." 
	Shampoo glanced at them, then said something to Mousse. 
	"The Princess wishes to know who the man in the headband is." 
	Ryouga stepped forward.  "I am R--" A frown from Mousse reminded 
him to face Shampoo.  "Ryouga Hibiki, a wandering martial artist not 
presently of any school.  I am a guest of the Tendou family." 
	Shampoo looked at him as though he were a prize bull offered for 
sale.  Seemingly satisfied, she waved him back into position.  The old 
woman murmured and Mousse flinched.
	"We were given to understand there was another male warrior 
associated with this dojo."
	Father spoke.  "My son Ranma was...unable to attend this 
ceremony, but will be here tomorrow."  There was a hint of anger in his 
voice.  "This is my...daughter, Ranko--"
	Shampoo burst out laughing, and once again said something to 
Mousse.  He spoke back, and she gut-punched him.
	As fluently as possible given his pain, Mousse said, "The 
Princess remembers the, er...weak, stupid girl with the greedy panda." 
	"That's not fair!  My father was unable to control--"  I stopped 
and wanted to die.  Not only had I backtalked our guest, I'd implied 
Father's curse. 
	Mousse spoke to Shampoo, who replied, "Mousse lie!"  In Japanese. 
	"Shampoo Japanese not good, but she know `father' not mean 
`panda'!  All males out of room!  Now!"
	Unclear how to take this, Father and Mr. Tendou shifted nervously 
until the older man motioned them to follow him.  Ryouga followed, with a 
last glance at Shampoo. 
	 protested Mousse.
	 replied Shampoo, using one of the few Chinese words 
I'd managed to learn. 
	"Weak girl come here."
	"My name is Ranko."  But I came closer.
	"Lan Ko," she said, memorizing it.  "Your father, he fall in 
Jyuusenkyo?  Become panda?"
	"Yes."
	"You also go Jyuusenkyo, fall in?" 
	"Um...yes."
	"Why Lan Ko no say so in first place?"
	"Huh?" from several people.
	The old woman handed a book to Shampoo.
	"It law of Amazons.  See."  She opened the book.
	I looked at it.  It might as well have been in Sanskrit. 
	"I can't read Chinese, Shampoo."
	"Let me have a look," said Nabiki, who was suddenly at my elbow.  
"If a woman falls in Jyuusenkyo, all necessary aid shall be given her, 
even if an outsider, for a curse is a terrible burden." 
	"I didn't know you could read Chinese, Nabiki."
	"I can't.  But there's a Japanese translation on the facing 
page."
	"Great-Grandmother make special edition for trip!" said Shampoo.  
The old woman smiled a bit.  She looked a bit unnerving. 
	"Um, to tell the truth...a woman didn't fall into the spring.  A 
man did."
	"Man?"
	"Ranma," said Nabiki.  "Like to buy a picture?"  She brought 
several photos out of her sleeve.  I decided not to ask why she happened 
to be carrying them...
	"Shampoo... Princess," she said, a slight smile on her features, 
"she no pay for things."  Shampoo grabbed one of the photographs and 
examined it.  "Ranma handsome.  Really you?" she addressed me.
	"Yes, I'm afraid so."
	She muttered something I guessed was a curse.  "Then no good as 
husband."
	Akane stiffened.  "Hey!  Ranma can't help his curse!"
	"But Shampoo no need half husband.  Need man who is strong 
warrior all time."
	The old woman spoke.  "Do not be so quick to dismiss him, 
great-granddaughter.  In some ways, he may be the perfect husband for 
you."  There was something in her voice, even with the slight accent, 
that chilled me.  "But it remains to be seen if he can pass the test." 
	"Um, what test?"
	"Oh, not know?  In order to marry Shampoo, outsider man must 
defeat Shampoo in combat!"
	Akane winced.  It was way too close to the "beat Akane to date 
her" gauntlet she'd had to go through before Ranma showed up.
	"Wait a minute!  Ranma's engaged to me!"
	"Oh?  Aka-ne like half-husband?"
	I thought I heard Cologne mutter something like, "How 
unfortunate...for Akane."
	With that, our audience was ended.

TO BE CONTINUED

Next time, more fun with Amazon laws!


SKJAM!
In Memoriam, Mildred Grace Jamison, 1906-1997

    Source: geocities.com/brian_kun