I’m Daddy’s Little Girl!

I get whatever I want; I’m daddy’s little girl. This is how I looked at life before I became a Christian. I always wanted more and was never satisfied with what I had. I was selfish, jealous, self-centered, greedy, manipulative, mean, and bossy with a capital B. To top all of that off, I was nine years old with a horrible attitude. I had grown up going to church every Sunday, so, of course, I learned Bible stories, but that is all they were to me, stories. I really didn’t go to church to learn anything. The only reason I went was because my parents drug me there, though the free candy definitely made for a better experience.

Not long after I turned nine, my perspective changed. I don’t really remember what was said, but I remember that I was sitting in church one Sunday and my life changed. I had always been taught that Jesus died on the cross for me, but up until that point, it was just another story. That Sunday morning though, I realized that I was sinfully bad. I learned that no matter how much of an angel everyone else thought I was, I was a sinner in the eyes of God. I knew that the only way to redeem myself in God’s eyes was to accept Christ as my Savior. This meant trusting in His death payment completely to get me to heaven. Though I had always known about Jesus dying on the cross, it wasn’t until that moment that I realized exactly what He had done for me. I was grateful that He had paid the price for my sins so that I was now forgiven for all my sins, both past and future ones.

After becoming a Christian, my life slowly began to change. I wasn’t as selfish or as jealous. I began to be concerned more about others and less about myself. My horrible attitude got a little better, but it was still bad. However, I still seemed to want more, but that was because I had a superficial relationship with God, and it wasn’t fulfilling me. Nevertheless, I started to enjoy church more even though my parents were still making me go, but this time, I actually wanted to learn. Unfortunately though, all we ever talked about at church were the same old subjects, so as I grew older, I never seemed to really grow closer to God. Actually, one week after my sixteenth birthday I fell far away from God. My dad passed away suddenly at the age of 41, leaving my mom, my three younger siblings and myself all alone. I could not understand why God would take away someone I loved so much. I had no clue why God would do something that caused me so much pain, so I became angry with God. For over six months, I didn’t want to deal with Him. However, I kept going to church to keep up appearances, and I tried to stay strong so that no one could see how much I was actually hurting. I convinced myself that if I shut it all out and stayed strong, I would never have to deal with the pain. But this only left me further away from God and resulted in me becoming severely depressed. After ten weeks of my medication failing, I finally opened up to my youth minister because I knew I needed something else, and sure enough I was right. What I needed was for God to be back in control of my life. After getting over my anger with God and realizing that only He could help me deal with the pain, I was better within a week. This resulted in me getting a little closer to God and really involved in church. I actually got so involved in church that I eventually felt burned out. It was like I was working for something. But the more activities I was involved in, the emptier I felt. I couldn’t get the relationship with God that I yearned for by doing all of that church stuff, so I began to think that I would never experience real spiritual growth.

Finally, at the age of twenty, I started to find what I had been searching for. I began attending a Bible study with a friend and learned so much more about God and all that He had done. It was here that I learned what it truly meant to seek after God and how to really live a fruitful Christian life. After being encouraged to truly study God’s Word, I learned how amazingly awesome God is. I also learned that in order to find contentment in life, I had to first find satisfaction in God. I came to realize that all I really needed was God, so I decided to pursue a greater knowledge of Him, and obedience to Him. I discovered that seeking after God provided the ultimate satisfaction. Like it says in Psalms 73:25, “Whom have I in Heaven but you? And Besides You I desire nothing on earth.” God is all that I want now.

M.M.S.