In Bondage to Fear and
Condemnation
“No, no, stop, don’t do it!” These were the words that I became well
acquainted with day after day for almost eight years of my life as I
desperately struggled to suppress every evil thought which compelled me to blaspheme
the name of the Lord. This struggle
began as a seventh grader when a classmate told me that to curse God was an
unpardonable sin, which could never be forgiven. The moment I heard this, I was struck with
fear. A few months prior, I had indeed
committed this sin out of anger toward God because of the unexplainable death
of my baby nephew. My classmate
extinguished all my fears (or so I
thought) by telling me that because I was ignorant about the consequences
of cursing God, He wouldn’t hold me accountable. However, if I ever did this again knowingly,
I would be condemned for all eternity.
Immediately after he said this, thoughts of cursing God flooded my
mind. I felt that these blasphemous
thoughts were my own fault, but little did I realize that they were demonically
inspired.
Because of the fear of being condemned, I didn’t tell
anyone about my sinful thoughts. This
compulsive habit of taking the Lord’s name in vain continued until it became a
daily ritual. As a result, I was
inwardly tormented day and night with the hopeless fear of going to hell if I
were to die at any moment. So to keep
these frightening thoughts from surfacing, I would try to focus my attention on
the athletic sport of running. I hoped
to restore my dignity and earn respect from others through achievement in
sports. But when the races were over and
the crowds went home, my pedestal was gone and what I had accomplished would
soon be forgotten. This further led to a
battle for my mind. So I planned to
block these thoughts out by yelling and thereby hoped
to scramble my thinking long enough to overcome the mental sieges. In the end, however, my condemning conscience
would prevail. This then led to
repetitious prayers and religious gestures in hope of finding peace of
mind. Yet, my conscience would not grant
me peace.
Then one day, while I was at college, a student
explained to me how I could be released from the bondage I was in. This student, who was a stranger to me, asked
if I would like to read an article with him that dealt with how a person could
have eternal life in heaven. This
article, based on the Bible, stated that in order to get into heaven a person
would have to be perfect, but that everyone falls short. Doing good things could never make up for all
the wrongs a person had done. The only
way a person could become perfect in the eyes of God would be to have all his
sins forgiven. This was the very reason
Jesus Christ died on the cross. He paid
the penalty for sin. Now all I had to do
was to trust that Jesus personally did this for me, and I would be guaranteed
eternal life in heaven. After reading
this article, I finally realized how I could be forgiven for any and all
sins. So, on
No longer is my life led and enslaved by fear and
condemnation, but instead is controlled by God’s Holy Spirit with boldness and
biblical convictions. My desire, now, is
to thoroughly know God’s Word and to so teach and train others accurately in
the ways of Christ. Because of
experiencing God’s abundant love, forgiveness, and grace, I want to tell others
who live in fear and condemnation how they, too, can be set free from their
burdens, hopelessness, or restlessness.
As Jesus said, Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will
give you rest. Take My
yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you
shall find rest for your souls. For My
yoke is easy and My load is light.”