| Got a Problem? Then ASK NOWELL...Agony Queen to the DP scene! |
| Climb upon my couch and tell me all your troubles, I'm the kind hearted queer with the listening ear. No problem too small, or too large, believe me, size is of NO importance, as I keep telling my own dear love. Advice, comfort, hugs, I'm your man. |
| Nowell Cowardice: Discipline Therapist. |
| Partner problems? Is your Top a closet Brat? Does your Brat drive you bats? Is Your Top a touch too heavy handed? Trouble in the bedroom?Trouble in the kitchen, bathroom, anywhere? |
| Letter Of The Day: Dear Nowell, How do I tell the man I have lived with for over fifteen years, that I'm straighter than a plumb line? It's something I've repressed for so long, but recently I've met a person of the opposite sex that I've fallen for. I can't stay in the closet for much longer, I'm close to cracking. I want to reveal myself to the world, I want to wear my hetrosexuality with pride, straight pride, but am terrified of being ostracised by friends and family. Yours...Kenny. Darling, I sense something of what we in the trade call 'chameleon syndrome' here. Sharing a flat with a gay man for 15 years doesn't mean that you're his partner, you've somehow taken on the colour of your surroundings and gotten all confused. Fling open those closet doors luvvy, leap out and have whatever sex you like with whomever. I'm sure your flatmate and friends will support and embrace you, and those that don't aren't worth knowing. There's no shame in being straight, we are what we are! Hugs, Nowell. |
| QUICKY ANSWERS. Dear Nowell, I'm very worried, I think I may be a transvestite because "Oh, oh,oh, I wanna be free to feel the way I feel. Man! I feel like a woman!" Yours anxiously, Shania. That's because you ARE a woman dear. Do try and get a grip on yourself Miss Twain-you're obviously taking your own lyrics a tad too seriously. Yours, N, raising his eyes heavenward. |
| Sci-Guy Corner... Dear Catwoman, Sorry luvvy, but you can't win every time, no Oscars this year I'm afraid! You'll just have to take it like a superhero. Shredding the soft furnishings of your critics with your claws,will serve no purpose and will simply earn you a spanking from that Butler chappie! Yours who left halfway through the film, NC. Dear Winnie The Pooh, or should that be Winnie The Shit! No, I don't think it was nice to dump Christopher Robin for a Heffalump! You dumped poor Piglet for Rabbit, and Owl for Eeyore, is there anyone in hundred acre wood that you haven't shafted? Stop playing with other creatures emotions you horrid litttle honey sucker! Crossly..Mr C. |
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| Dear Mr Cowardice, I'm desperate, please, please help me. My very strict top recently went away on a business trip to Outer Mongolia. Naturally, after six years under closer supervision than a 'Category A' prisoner, the freedom rather went to my head for the first few days or so. My impulsive propensity to leap before looking took hold and I did some silly things. Impulsively wrecking my own car and his brand new Jag were one thing, but I fear I had one impulse too many when I remortgaged the house in order to buy a holiday home in Baghdad.Dom is due back soon, what shall I do? Crying here...Simon. Dear Silly Simon, I've thought long and hard about your problem and I wouldn't recommend this course of action to just anyone...but have you considered suicide? Perhaps even boarding a Yak for Outer Mongolia the moment that Dominant Dom steps onto the tarmac at Heathrow! Good luck little boy, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest Sympathetically, Nowell.. |
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| THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A problem shared is a problem halved: Better still, share the problem concerned equally between four friends, then bugger off and enjoy yourself, leaving them to bear a quarter share each. |
| Dear Sullen of Stoke, Life isn't always fair, or square, as in your case! I'm afraid I think your top was well justified in the spanking he gave you over the Hovis incident. While I agree that bread that advertises itself as 'square cut' ought to fulfil expectations, I do think it excessive of you to storm back to the shop in question bearing a slice of the aforementioned and a ruler. Screaming at the manager that a square has four equal fucking sides, not two long and two short, was bad enough, but the roof top protest in which you demanded a refund and compensation, while holding a checkout operator hostage, was just pushing it too far in my opinion. Please seek professional guidance for these pedantic obsessions. There you have it ducky, take care, hope you can sit down soon. Nowell. x |
| Dear Crossdresser of Doncaster, Your brat is quite right, black tights with white high heels IS a fashion gaffe. You might just get away with black stockings and red high heels, slutty, but almost sexy, but no, black with the white is..is, well, it's HIDEOUS! Please, don't do it again, it's just wrong, no wonder he won't step out with you in daylight. For God's sake man, seek fashion advice. I'm forwarding a copy of the Freeman's Autumn and Winter Catalogue forthwith.I draw your attention to the ladies shoes section, do you see any of the models wearing black tights and white shoes, I don't think so!! Yours, Nowell, being soothingly fanned with a copy of Catwalk Queen by his O.D.L. |
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