Now I won't really go into it, because it has nothing to do with Jo Ann and I, except to say, I had spent the last year or those 7 saving whatever kinds of pain killers, sleeping aides, narcotic I could get my hands on.

I had found my way out and was, on that very night, taking it!

I remember putting my children to bed upstairs, turning out all the lights, except for the light of the television,(which had no sound to it) and opening the window enough to hear the rain on the screens outside.

I was wrapped in a hand made quilt, sitting alone in the dark.

In my lap was a bowl of brightly colored pills, that i stired with my finger. I can remember thinking how pretty they were, and that it was ironic that something so pretty was going to take me away from a life i felt was so dark and ugly.

Now people believe what they want, is there a God or isn't there? But on that night I found out that there indeed was, at least for me.

Looking back on it now, I can almost here his words, "oh no you dont carol!" then sending one or more of his many angels to interceed for me. I can hear him saying to them, "it's time, put them together."

Just as I was about to start swallowing one tiny pill after another, MY PHONE RANG.

I almost didn't answer it, for fear that it would be Tinker, My so called girlfriend of 7 years.

I don't know if it was fear of what she would do to me if I didn't answer, or if I was acting out of habbit, but before I could stop myself I heard myself saying hello into the receiver.

To my shock it was a friend of mine calling from North Carolina. I had not heard from her since she had moved from Oklahoma, over a year pryor to this.

I wondered what made her call that night, and why God would allow her to be the last voice I would ever hear, but before I had a chance to find out what she wanted, I heard another voice coming from her end, in the background.

"who the fuck are you talking to now?"

I think I got a little upset by this, because I heard myself asking my friend, "just who the hell is that?"

My friend started laughing, answering us both at the same time, in one drawn out sentance. "it's my friend from oklahoma, my sister Jo Ann."

Again, before I could respond to this, I heard the woman, whom I now knew as Jo Ann, mouthing off something to the effect of, "ask her does she want to come over for some coffee?"

This time I responded with speed. "oh yeah, like I am gonna drive across 3 fucking states for a fucking cup of coffee!!"

My friend laughed.

Then Jo Ann sounded off again. "well ask her how she likes hers, and make sure she knows I like mine female!"

My friend explained to me that when Jo Ann offered coffee she was offering sex, but her kids were in the room and she didnt want them to understand that. She was laughing while she spoke to me because she knew that I prefered mine woman flavored too when it came to that.

"yeah Jo Ann, so does she" I heard her tell her sister.

Jo Ann waisted no time at all, "yeah, give me the phone."

I tried to protest that action but before I could I had Jo Ann on the phone talking and it didnt seem to matter that I didnt know her. We talked for hours and hours and before I knew it,

the rain had stopped, the sun was up and Jo Ann and I both were buisy directing our children off to school, though still talking to each other.

Some how, during the night, I had forgotten all about those brightly colored pills.

When we hung up the phone, I quickly remembered them and set them aside thinking, oh well, there is always tonight.

but when tonight came, I remembered that Jo Ann said she would call me.

and I kept thinking, maybe she will, and I did enjoy talking with her. It was the first thing that I can remember that had made me smile in literally years.

Days turned into nights, nights back into days and it seemed as if Jo Ann and I couldnt talk enough on the phone. If I wasnt calling her, she was calling me. For well over a month this went on. There were nights we would fall asleep with the phones in our hands and when we woke up in the morning we would still be connected and be able to say goodmorning to each other.

I knew I was falling in love, but I wouldn't admit that at the time. I knew, because it didn't matter how hard Tinker hit me, or what she demanded, I refused to stop talking to Jo Ann.

Then one night Jo Ann said, she would call me later, and within an hour or so after daybreak she did. I will never forget her words to me.

"carol, I cant stand this, I have to meet you, go to the western union and pick up the money I have wired you. There is $600.00 there and I want you to buy a bus ticket with it for you and your girls, round trip, and I want you to come meet me."

My heart stopped. I wanted to do this so much, but I knew I would have hell getting Tinker to let me.

I decided that I didnt care and I went and bought the tickets and was ready to leave the next morning when the bus pulled away.

Tinker surprised me, she was nice about it all, even drove me to the bus station to see me off. Then right before the bus got there she beat the shit out of me and sent me off to meet Jo Ann with bruises all over my back and neck.

But ya know what, I went anyway!!!

I had long since forgotten about the pills, in fact I had actually flushed them around the thrid night we had been talking on the phone.

I knew the only thing that would kill me now, was if i stayed and never met her.

The bus ride was one from hell and by the time I made it to Nashville, I was ready to turn around and go home. I called Jo Ann and told her that, and she told me, "no, hell no your not. what is your next major stop?" I told her that it was Ashville North Carolina. And she told me, "you can stay there or get on the bus and go to Ashville, but Nashville or Ashville, Im coming to pick you up." I didnt believe her, but when I got off the bus in Ashville, there she was. I knew her instantly. She was with my friend, but I believe I would have known her if she had been alone.

Jo Ann took my return Tickets from me, I never saw them again after that. She drove me back to my home after a week in North Carolina with her, and we were married there the following month.

I believe that God sent Jo Ann to me, and I believe that her love saved my life.

We have been together ever since the day we met, and that will have been seven years ago in April. I see no future for us apart, and I am making many plans for our elderly years together.