The lone figure exited his vehicle. Walking mechanically to the porch he stopped to look at the house before him. It was so dark...so empty...and that’s when it hit him with a force so great it threatened to take the life out of his body. It hit with a force so strong that it felt like it was ripping his heart right out of his chest. She was gone. She would never live here. She would never be his wife. She would never be the mother of his children. The tears began to stream down his rugged face. Agony clutched at the very depth of his soul. Dropping to his knees he let his wails of sorrow fill the silent night air. God it hurt. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt him before in his life. Not the death of his mother and father...not the death of Ellen...not even the death of Lucas had come close to hurting this badly. Those had all been deaths that were out of his control. Deaths he couldn’t prevent. Deaths that were predestined to happen the way that they did. But this one... This one he was totally responsible for. He could have prevented it but he didn’t. Instead he had chose to let his stupid fears blind him to what was really important. And by the time he realized what he was doing, it was already too late. And now... Now he was faced with the hard and devastating reality that for the rest of his life he would have to live with the fact that he and he alone was responsible for what had happened. He could hold no one else accountable for this death except himself. He had caused this death. The death of the one thing that meant more to him than anything else in the world ever had before or ever would again.  The death of their future together. The death of their love for one another. The death of his and Alex’s love... ******** Three days later, C.D. pulled behind the ram that was parked half-hazzardly in the driveway. Shutting his vehicle off he shuttered at the thought of what he may find in the next few minutes. Was he really ready for this? Did he have his own anger at this whole situation under control enough to even attempt to deal with what he would find? Yes! It had taken him three full days to over come his own anger, but he now knew that he was indeed ready to deal with the man he loved like a son. He had to be. Even though he could never remember being more angry at anyone in his entire life than he was at Cordell these past three days, there had to be something he could do to get through to him. The people he loved as his family were being torn apart and he couldn’t just stand by without giving it one last try. Even if he failed, he would have the satisfaction of at least having tried to make things right again. Taking one last calming breath, C.D. exited his vehicle; and began walking with renewed determination towards the steps of the ranch. The fact that the ram was here, gave him the slightest glimmer of hope that Cordell was even here and hadn’t disappeared off somewhere; as was his usual trait. He knew he was grasping at straws but maybe...just maybe that was the first small ray of optimism that there was indeed something he could do to change the course of events that should have never happened in the first place. ******** What C.D. saw when he entered the front door of Walker’s ranch brought tears to his eyes and tore at his heart. The place looked like a tornado had ransacked it. Pictures were off the walls and smashed on the floor. Furniture was overturned and broken. Glass from windows lay shattered everywhere. Holes where punched in the walls. As he cast his eyes around at the devastation that lay before him, a trail of blood on the stairs caught his attention and fear overtook his senses with lightening speed. Hurrying up the stairs he followed the trail which led directly to Walker’s bedroom. “Oh my God...” C.D. gasped as he quickly took in the site before him. The room was trashed much as the down stairs had been, but the image of the broken man before him would live in his memory forever. Where once, a proud and strong Cherokee warrior had stood; there was now just a shadow of a man. A broken man who felt there was nothing left to live for. A man that had given up all hope. C.D. moved to the big bed where Walker lay huddled and crying like a baby. Taking him into his arms; as he would a small child, he comforted him the best he could as Walker sobbed “She’s gone C.D....she’s gone...” The anger that C.D. had tried so hard to suppress the past three days was immediately forgotten when the true and unconditional love of a father burst forth; encompassing his heart with a fury all it’s own. His ‘son’ was in deep emotional trouble, and if it took his very last breath on this earth, C.D. vowed to help him make right what had gone so horribly wrong between him and the woman he loved. ******** Trivette still couldn’t believe that C.D. had talked him into coming out to Walker’s ranch. He was by no means ready to see Walker; the man he had once looked up to and loved like a brother. The man who had taught him so much about being not only the best Texas Ranger he could be; but also about being the best person he could be. Walker had done both by sharing his wisdom and knowledge so freely with him. But the man he had seen in the past five weeks was someone he didn’t even know anymore. The man who had once been nothing short of his hero had become a total stranger to him. Three days ago when Walker and Alex had left C.D.’s he knew that they had been quarreling about something, but never in his wildest imagination would he have thought that it would be bad enough that Alex would call the bar several hours later saying she had broken the engagement off and that she was leaving Dallas first thing in the morning. He and C.D. had both tried to convience her to stay and calm down before doing anything that rash but when it came right down to it; neither of them could blame her because of the way he had been acting towards her. Trivette had finally relented to C.D. and swallowed his anger; albeit for the time being and had indeed come out to the ranch. Something in his mentors voice when he had called had cut through the intense anger he was holding towards his partner and convinced him to make the journey. When he had stepped through the front door; calling out C.D.’s name, Jimmy felt as if he had stepped into a war zone. A whispered “woooo” escaped his lips as his eyes roamed around the room before him. “If you think this here room is bad Jimmy, you should see the rest of the house.” C.D. said as he stepped round the corner from the kitchen. “Big Dog...what the hell happened here? It looks like a bomb went off. Are you OK?” “I’m just fine Jimmy. This here all happened before I got here. But you’re right...it was a bomb. A bomb named Cordell.” “Walker did this?” “Yeah he did. Trashed the whole place. I came out this morning and found the place like this. Found Cordell too...he ain’t in too good of shape Jimmy.” “Where is he now?” Jimmy questioned with a hint of disgust in his voice. Even though he had tried for C.D.’s sake; he wasn’t quit able to hide the fact of how distasteful the subject of his partner was to him at this point in time. This fact didn’t go unnoticed by C.D. “He’s upstairs passed out. Cordell was drunk when I got here Jimmy. Never seen him drink more than one beer at any sitting all the years I’ve known him, but this time I think he drank the whole dang gum brewery. I called a doctor friend of mine earlier and had him come over to repair the damage that Cordell had done to himself. The Doc couldn’t even give him nothin’ for the pain...not that Cordell could feel anything anyway with all the alcohol in him.” “Damage he done to himself?” Jimmy asked nervously. “Yep...Cordell tore up his hands pretty good when he was doing his ‘redecorating’ job around here...took pretty near twenty stitches to sew him back up...and that was just on the one hand.” Jimmy mumbled, ‘serves him right’ under his breath as he continued to look around the room. “Jimmy, I know your still angry with Cordell.” “You’re damn right I am.” Jimmy shouted. C.D. placed a calming hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “Jimmy I know how you feel, believe me I do. Hell son, it took me three days before I could get over the notion of strangling the man with my own two hands before I could even come out here to check on him my own self. But I did and believe me when I tell you that what you see right here is bad...but it is nothing compared to how Cordell is. He’s in really bad shape. The worst shape I have ever seen him or any other man in over loving someone. Alex breaking off their engagement and leaving town the way she did has hit him hard.” Jimmy shook his head in loathing, as he heatedly replied. “He deserves for it to hit him hard...it was all his fault she left...we don’t even know where she is C.D....or if she’s all right...” “That’s why I’m goin’ to find her.” Walker slurred as he half stumbled down the steps towards them. “Cordell.” C.D. shouted as he managed to catch his arm; steadying him until he reached the bottom stair. “You’re in no shape to go off and find anyone.” “I gotta find her...make it right...” Walker said as he pushed C.D. away from him; knocking him into the banister. That was all it took for Trivette’s anger to snap, as he grabbed Walker forcefully; slamming him against the nearest wall; holding him there. “You son of a...what the hell is wrong with you man?” Jimmy growled threw clinched teeth. “First you push Alex away and now you’re pushing C.D. around. You want to push someone around Walker...give me a try. Come on!” Jimmy shoved him against the wall again as he released him and took a step back. “Jimmy this isn’t gonna solve anything.” C.D. stated firmly as Jimmy glared at Walker; waiting for him to make a move. “Maybe not Big Dog...but it sure will make me feel allot better.” the young man replied. At that moment Walker took a clumsy swing at Trivette; which he avoided with a slight step to the side. Trivette delivered a resounding punch to Walker’s face, knocking him to the floor. “Don’t get back up man.” Jimmy hissed. “Just stay down there.” Walker slowly got to his feet, placing himself back in front of Trivette. Once again Walker swung half-heartedly at his partner. This time Trivette hit him with a hard left hook to the jaw. As Walker slumped to the floor yet again, C.D. grabbed Jimmy’s arm as he said, “That’s enough Jimmy.” Walker looked up at the two men before him; trying to focus in on them with unseeing eyes. “No...no...that’s not enough...not near enough...I deserve it and so much more.....” he barely got out, before the welcome state of oblivion over took him. C.D. stooped to check on Walker, as Jimmy fought the overwhelming emotions that were coursing through his body. He couldn’t believe he had just hit his best friend in the whole world; not once but twice and he had done it with him being in the state he was in. He had told C.D. he would feel better, but the truth be told he felt a hundred times worse. Softly he whispered, “is he all right C.D.?” as tears welled in his eyes. C.D. moved to his side as he placed an arm around his shoulders. “He’s fine Jimmy. I think the booze in him caused him to pass out. Oh...he’ll have a pretty nice shiner and a bruised jaw to add to his collection of injuries; but he’ll be OK.” C.D. looked into his dark brown eyes. “How about you? Are you OK?” “No C.D. I’m not. I just hit my best friend...when...” Jimmy couldn’t continue as the tears of regret for his actions began to fall. C.D. drew him into a fatherly hug. “I know son. Things seem totally out of whack right now, and they are. Sure enough they are. But we’re family...You, me, Cordell and Alex. We have to stand together right now because of this. Cordell needs our help. He is gonna need our help and understanding to heal himself before he can even think of attempting to fix things between him and Alex. And you and I are gonna have to help him with his healing, because we are his friends...his family Jimmy. No matter how angry we are with him right now...we still love him. It’s gonna be a tough battle...His battle and ours...there’s no getting around that cold hard fact...he is one mighty stubborn man...but we have to stick by him.” As Jimmy pulled away and wiped at the tears that still lingered he asked, “Do you think he can ever make things right with Alex C.D.?” “Of course I do.” C.D. said confidently. “How can you be so sure though? Alex gave him back the engagement ring...she even left town because of him.” “Jimmy, let me tell you about one of life’s mysterious little secrets that I have learned. Some folks; like Cordell and Alex, well now they were just meant to be together. Sort of like predestined. From the very first day they met they have been in love with each other. Oh, they both swore up and down that they didn’t even like each other; they both called each other some pretty uncomplimentary names at first...but I didn’t believe either one of them for a second, neither did Cordell’s Uncle Ray. He seen it too...in a vision he told me that he had on the very day that those two met. We both believed that fate put them together and nothing; not even death is ever gonna keep them apart. Their hearts and their destiny has been one since that day, son. This here is just a little set back. Things will work out...it’s just gonna take a little bit of time that’s all...and a ‘whole’ lot of patience on our parts. Their love runs strong and true Jimmy. It’ll all work out...you just wait and see.” C.D. slapped him on the back before he continued, “Come on now Jimmy...let’s get him back upstairs so he can sleep this here stupor off, then we need to get busy and start straightening this place up a bit.” “I’ll take him up and get him settled back into bed C.D.” “Good...how about getting him out of those clothes while you’re at it...they’re so dirty they could stand up in the corner by themselves.” “Yeah and they don’t smell to good either. I sure hope you’re right about all this fate stuff CD.” Jimmy said as he hoisted the prone body of Walker over his shoulder and started up the stairs. “Of course I’m right...I can feel it in my bones.” C.D. called out as he turned back towards the kitchen. ******** The rain fell heavily on the window outside of her room. With a soft sigh and a shrug of her shoulder’s Alex turned away from the window; thinking how much the rain fit her melancholy mood. Walking over to the thread worn couch; she perched herself on the edge of it as she surveyed her dismal surroundings. When she had left Dallas, she had left with no destination in mind other than to get as far away from there as she could. When she had finally decided that she could not continue to run from her problems, she had rented this room. It was small, with only the bare necessities that were needed; a couch, table and two chairs, a full size bed, bathroom and a small kitchenette, but it was clean and it suited her needs for the time being. ‘Her needs.’ Alex laughed out loud, as she felt the hot sting of tears once again. What she needed was to be with Walker. She needed to feel his arms around her. She needed to tell him that she hadn’t meant what she had said on that night...the night her whole world had fallen apart. She needed to tell him that she still loved him. She always had. And she always would. As the tears began to trickle softly down her cheeks, she stood and moved the few steps to the bed that sat in the corner of the room. On the pillow lay a shirt and a picture of her and Walker. Reaching down she lifted up the bright blue shirt of Walker’s. He had once told her it was his favorite because it was the exact same color as her eyes. Lifting it slowly to her nose she closed her eyes as she breathed deeply of his masculine scent; it was very faint but it still lingered from when he had last worn it. As her red-rimmed eyes came to rest on the picture of the two of them, she smiled slightly; Walker had been wearing this very shirt the day the picture had been taken. As memories of happier times began to flood her senses, the tears began to fall even harder; matching the rhythm of the rain outside. “Oh Walker...how did everything get so messed up.” Flinging herself face down upon the bed she clutched the shirt and the picture to her breast as she sobbed until she eventually fell into a sleep of total, mind numbing exhaustion. ******** Trivette flopped the dead weight of his partner none to easily onto the middle of his full size bed. He was still so angry with him that he didn’t care that Walker moaned incoherently as his body hit the mattress beneath him. “Good for ya...you deserve to be in pain.”  Jimmy said out loud as he set about removing Walker’s clothes as CD had requested. When he finished this not so easily done task, he pulled the quilted blanket up; throwing it over top of him. Walker shifted in his intoxicated slumber; turning onto his right side; burrowing his entire body deep down under the covers. By the time he was done the only two things you could see were the top of his head and his right hand. Bending over to pick up Walker’s dirty clothes, he caught a glimpse of something in the palm of Walker’s hand. Taking a closer look he realized it was Alex’s engagement ring. He thought about taking it and putting it somewhere so it wouldn’t get lost, but before he could do just that Walker clinched his hand tightly around it; pulling it under the covers with the rest of his body. “Well if he loses it, we at least will have a clue of where to start looking for it...that is IF he ever has a reason to need it again.”  Trivette thought with a shake of his head as exited the room; closing the door behind him. ******** CD and Jimmy had worked for more than four hours straight before the house was finally back in some semblance of order. Furniture had been turned right side up; and repaired if needed, before it was moved back to it’s proper place. Pictures where hung back on the walls. Glass from the broken windows had been cleaned up with the windows being temporarily boarded up with plywood that Jimmy found out in the barn. Anything that had been completely destroyed, they put in boxes for Walker to go through once he was back on his feet. When they had done all they could for the time being, CD went upstairs to check on Walker as Jimmy grabbed a glass of milk before heading out onto the front porch. As he stood looking at the full moon he wondered where Alex was and more importantly, if she was all right. He knew if he was this upset over the events that had occurred in the past few weeks he could just imagine how upset she was. His heart ached for the woman he loved as a sister. He knew she loved Walker with all her heart and soul. He also knew that even though she had given the engagement ring back and had left town, that she continued to love him and always would. And he also knew that Walker loved her the same, but still the question that kept arising was, “Why was he acting so strangely lately?” He knew without a doubt that Walker loved Alex or he would never have asked her to marry him. He had seen it come rushing to the surface on more than one occasion. The anger when LaRue had tried to hurt her, not once but three times. He remembered how upset and inconsolable Walker had been when Alex had been shot at Kim and Phil’s wedding. He remembered the pain in his voice and the tears in his eyes as he had whispered the words “Alex...don’t leave me.” as she struggled to survive. He had watched as Walker actually breathed life back into Alex, by giving her CPR, after he and Alex both had almost drowned at the hands of another mad man. There were so many times; and that wasn’t counting the times that weren’t life and death situations. There were the times that you would see the love shine in his eyes at her mere entrance into the room. The times that the simple mention of her name would bring a loving smile to his face. But lately that had all changed; and for the life of him, Jimmy just could not figure out...WHY? “That is a question that only Washo can answer and he will; in his own time.” Jimmy; unexpectedly brought back from his thoughts, spun towards the voice to see White Eagle standing at the bottom of the porch steps. “White Eagle, you startled me.” Jimmy said as he moved forward, extending his hand in friendship. C.D. stepped onto the front porch to greet their unexpected guest. “Well I’ll be...I thought Jimmy here was taking to talking to himself. White Eagle...it’s good to see you. What the devil are you out and about at this hour of the night for?” White Eagle shook hands with both of Washo’s dear friends. Slowly, he moved to take a seat on the porch swing as C.D. joined him. Jimmy perched himself on the railing of the porch; as he and C.D. waited for White Eagle to speak. “I have journeyed here because of Washo. The spirits have revealed to me that he was in great need of some special Cherokee healing.” White Eagle said as he handed a jar of liquid to the young Ranger. Jimmy took one look at the substance in the jar and replied, “OH MAN...this is Cherokee purge. This stuff is TERRIBLE.” Jimmy visibly shuddered at the thought of the time that Walker had made him drink it after he had been trying to drown his own sorrows. He would never forget the smell of that stuff; and the taste...Jimmy screwed his face up with a grimace at the thought of ever tasting the disgusting stuff again. White Eagle and C.D. both chuckled at the look of disdain that was on the younger mans face. “You are right Ranger Trivette, that is the Cherokee purge. Washo will be needing to cleanse his body of all the alcohol he has consumed in the past three days; before he can begin to make things right in his spirit.” “White Eagle, you sure enough are right about that. Cordell is passed out upstairs right now as we speak because of drinking.” C.D. said. White Eagle nodded his understanding before speaking again. “Washo will also need these healing herbs. Mix them into a thick paste and apply them to the cuts on his hands. They will help to speed up the healing time of his outer body.” White Eagle handed a pouch of herbs to C.D. Looking intensely at the two men that meant so much to Washo, he continued to instruct them, “He will need to heal with the purge and the herbs completely. Then you must make sure that he does a sweat lodge ceremony with the contents of this pouch spread over the fire. This healing ceremony will be difficult and very demanding on his heart and spirit; but only then will the true Washo be allowed to emerge once again. He must not be allowed knowledge of his life’s love until he has completed all of these steps. Only then may he have that knowledge; for then the demons of the past and future will be at peace with one another.” Jimmy and C.D. sat listening intently to what White Eagle was saying. When he had finished giving his instructions to them, he rose from the swing and said his good-byes as he moved off the porch. Turning to wave goodbye to the two rangers he reminded, “Remember...Washo must not know where his life’s love is until the cleansing of his inner spirit is complete...only then will they both be able to move forward to be able to join as one spirit.” Then he turned and walked into the shadows; disappearing instantly. C.D. and Jimmy sat silently as they reflected on all that White Eagle had said to them. They had both known Walker long enough to know that the power of the Cherokee people was more than just something that was in a fairy tale. They had both seen Walker’s Cherokee instinct get them all out of more than one dangerous situation in the past. They knew the power of the sweat lodge and the visions that one saw in there. They had seen it work miracles on Lucas, as he fought his demons and found the courage to move on in his tragically short life. It was definitely something that could not be dismissed lightly; and at this point in time they were willing to give anything a chance if it meant that the man they had always known as Walker would in fact return to his old self and that he and Alex could then resolve their problems and be able move forward into a life together. It was well worth giving it a shot. Breaking the silence C.D. stood and moved towards the front door of the house as he said, “Come on Jimmy...we have some healing to put in motion. We might as well get started.” Jimmy nodded in agreement as a sly smile creased his lips and he too stood; moving into the house. To say that he was looking forward to making Walker drink the purge was an understatement. He knew he was being childish with these thoughts but he was still very angry with his partner and the thought of Walker’s discomfort when he did suffer through the effects of the purge would; if nothing else, help to lesson his own anger just a little. ******** Alex had spent yet another restless night crying until there were no tears left as she had searched her own soul for answers to all of the questions that continued to wreck havoc on her every thought. She knew she had made a big mistake by getting so angry at Walker. She should have tried to let him tell her what had been bothering him instead of jumping to her own conclusions and not even giving him a chance to explain himself. She also knew she had made an even bigger mistake by leaving the way she had. That had been such a cowardly thing to do. Now she had to decide what to do to try to rectify the situation of her own mistakes in all of this. Should she just get in her car and head back, hoping that Walker would even want to try and talk things out with her? Or should she call him and talk to him first? What if he didn’t want to work things out? What if all the things she had said to him in her anger had caused him to stop loving her all together? This thought tore at her heart; threatening to rip it completely out of her body. What if he didn’t love her anymore? How would she go on? She loved him more than life itself. Why had she been so damn stupid? “STOP IT ALEX!”  her mind screamed at her. Alex turned and moved shakily to the phone. Picking it up she stood staring at the receiver in her hand as she listened to what her heart was telling her. “Come on Alex...you have to at least try to make things right with him. He is worth fighting for and you are a fighter. You love him too much to give up on him. Make the call.” “I do love him and he is VERY worth fighting for.” she whispered as she then took several deep and calming breaths. Slowly dialing the phone she hoped that she could catch him at the ranch before he headed off to work for the day. ******** “Morning C.D.” Jimmy said as he entered the kitchen where C.D. stood cooking breakfast. “Morning Jimmy. How about giving me a hand and grabbing some plates. The home fries and sausage are ready. I’ll have the eggs done in a minute.” “Sure Big Dog. It sure smells good.” Jimmy moved to the cabinet and grabbed the plates; placing them on the table. “Did you check on Walker this morning?” “He was still sleeping when I checked on him before I started breakfast. He sure did tie one on. I don’t think he will be in too good of shape when he does wake up. Good Lord only knows how long of a binge he had been on. Could have been since Alex left. Did you call the station and let them know that he wouldn’t be in for awhile?” “Yeah...I just got off the phone with the Captain. I didn’t exactly tell him the truth...just said Walker needed some time off for personal reasons. Captain figured there had to be a mighty good reason for him not to have shown up or even called the past three days, and he pretty well figured it had something to do with Alex leaving town so unexpectedly. He said he could have all the time he needed though.” “Well that’s one good thing then. Cordell needs some time to get things straight that’s for dang sure. Come on...let’s eat.” “Should we try to get Walker up?” Jimmy asked as C.D. placed a plate full of food down in front of him. “Nah...he ain’t gonna feel much like eating anything until he sobers up for awhile. Probably won’t be in too good of a mood either for awhile. When we’re done eating we’ll get some of that Cherokee purge into him and get the process going a might faster.” “What if he won’t take the purge voluntarily Big Dog? You just said he won’t be in too good of a mood, and he knows how nasty that stuff is. What are we going to do then?” “Well Jimmy...we will just have to use plan B.” “And that is?” “You sit on him; hog tie him and hold him down while I pour it down his throat.” C.D. said with a chuckle as he good naturedly clapped Jimmy on the back. “How come I get the job of holding him down?” “Cause you are a hell-of-a-lot younger than I am son.” “I think it would be easier to do it while he is still asleep then.” “We can’t do that Jimmy.” “Why not? It sure would be allot easier.” “If we did that, I would miss all of the fun watching you hog tie him.” C.D. replied as he burst out laughing. “Ha Ha Ha...Very funny.” Jimmy replied not at all seeing any of the older man’s humor in the whole situation. “Let’s just eat son, then we’ll worry about what happens next.” C.D. said just as the phone rang. “You go ahead and eat. I’ll get the phone. You are gonna need your strength to wrestle Cordell.” C.D. laughed even harder as he went to answer the phone. ******** Walker tossed and turned as the vision of Alex drew further and further away from him. The fight they had, stormed through his mind torturing his very soul. What had happened? Why had Alex gotten so angry at him? What had he done that was so bad that she would give him her engagement ring back and even leave town over it? What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he make that final commitment of marriage? Everything was so jumbled. So disoriented. Sheer panic set in as the image of Alex disappeared altogether. Walker sat bolt upright in bed. Sweat poured off of his bruised and battered body. His breathing was hard and labored. His heart beat wildly in his chest. The pounding in his head was like that of a stampede thundering through it; causing him to grab it, praying that the room would quit spinning out of control. Nausea from all the alcohol he had drank, churned in his stomach. “Oh my God...she’s GONE. What have I done?” Walker gasped, as the tears began to flow freely down his rugged face. ******** “Hello...C.D. Parker here.” “C.D.?” “Alex honey, is that you? Are you all right?” “I’m OK C.D.” Alex replied, trying to sound convincing. “You don’t sound all right, but I glad that you finally called. We’ve been worried about you darlin’.” “I know you have been C.D. I just needed to get things straightened out in my head. I’m sorry I didn’t call before this; I didn’t mean to worry you.” “Well now I know you didn’t mean to worry us none and I also know that you had some thinkin’ to do. Can’t fault you on that none. Are you sure you’re OK?” “Yeah C.D., as OK as I can be after everything that happened the other night.” C.D. could hear the tears in her voice as she continued, “C.D. where’s Walker? I need to talk to him. I need to tell him I didn’t mean what I said the other night.” C.D. found himself in a real quandary now. Just what and how much of the truth should he tell her? He remembered what White Eagle had said about Walker needing to complete a total healing before he and Alex should see each other. “C.D.? Are you still there?” “Hugh...Oh yeah...I’m still here.” he stuttered. “C.D., where’s Walker? Is something wrong?” Alex questioned, as the fear of Walker not wanting to talk to her began to grow by leaps and bounds. Making his decision to tell her the truth C.D. said, “Well now Honey...Walker is here but he...well he isn’t exactly up to talking to you right now.” Alex felt her heart break completely in two. “You mean he doesn’t want to talk to me does he C.D.?” she whispered. Her greatest fear had come true. She had indeed destroyed everything that they had had between the two of them. Tears began to stream down her face once again as she began to weep uncontrollably. “Woo now, you hold on here just a dang gum minute Alex.” C.D. said firmly, “Little lady, you have got to calm yourself down so I can tell you what is going on. I want you to dry those tears and get a hold of yourself right this minute. Do you hear me?” “Yes...I hear you.” she murmured; much as a child did when they were being scolded for their bad behavior. Alex sniffed as she wiped furiously at her tears; trying to contain them. After several moments she took a deep and calming breath; blowing it out slowly before she whispered into the receiver, “OK C.D. I’m all right now.” “That’s better.” C.D. said in a now soothing and fatherly tone, “Now I want you to listen to me and listen closely. Alex honey, of course Cordell wants to talk to you. That man loves you with all his heart or he wouldn’t be in the kind of shape he is in right now. The fact of the matter is, he isn’t in any shape to talk to you. He’s been on a binge and is in pretty bad shape.” “A binge? You mean drinking? C.D....Walker doesn’t drink.” “Well usually he doesn’t. But you and I both know that Cordell hasn’t been himself lately; doing things that none of us would ever expect him to do.” Alex nodded silently as C.D. continued, “Anyway, he went and got himself all liquired up over the past few days. I came out here to the ranch yesterday and found him and what was left of the house. He tore the place up pretty good in the state he was in. He’s upstairs right now sleeping off the drunk.” “OH C.D....what I have done?” she gasped, “Is he all right?” “Well he will be; when Jimmy and I get done with him anyway.” C.D. chuckled softly as he continued, “Honey...now you have to understand something here. You didn’t do this. When you gave Cordell back your engagement ring and took off the way you did, you gave him a great big dose of reality. The reality that things couldn’t go on the way that they were.” “But C.D....don’t you see...I was wrong for doing that. He just made me so mad the other night that I lost my temper. I love Walker. I love him so much that it doesn’t matter anymore if we get married or not. I just want to be with him.” “He knows you love him honey and so do I. But, there has to be a reason that he has been acting the way he has lately. That is where the real cause of all of this lies. There is something buried deep within  him that is making him pull back from taking that final step into the future with you. White Eagle seems to think it has something to do with demons of the past and future warring with each other.” “You had White Eagle come to the ranch?” Alex questioned. “No...he showed up here last night; just out of the blue with some healing herbs for Cordell.” “Healing herbs?" “Yep. Some Cherkee purge and some herbs to make into a paste for on his hands.” “What’s wrong with his hands C.D.?” “Well now I told you he tore the inside of the house up bad; broken furniture...holes punched in the walls...windows smashed. He ripped his hands up pretty good when he was tearing the place apart. Had to have quit a few stitches put in them.” “Oh God....” she moaned as she fought to keep her composure. “Now Alex, listen to me. There isn’t nothin’ wrong with Cordell on the outside that won’t heal itself, and White Eagle assured me and Jimmy that this purge and these herbs will hurry that healing process right along. He also said that once those were healed that Cordell was to do a sweat lodge with some other special herbs that he gave us. He told us that this was the only way that the real Cordell would come back to us all.” “Do you think he will take White Eagle’s advice C.D.?” Alex asked uncertainly. “Well now Alex honey, Cordell has been pretty unpredictable lately, but we both know how much Cordell admires White Eagle and how much faith he has put on what he has always told him in the past.” “Yes, White Eagle is a very wise man.” Alex agreed. “Yes he is. It might just take some persuading; maybe even some more of Jimmy’s not so gentle persuading, but I think we can convince him to take to heart what White Eagle has advised.” “C.D.? What did you mean by some of Jimmy’s ‘not so gentle persuading’? Did something happen between Jimmy and Walker?” she asked curiously. “Well...nothing to serious...let’s just say that Jimmy was none to happy with Cordell at one point last night and he let him know about it.” “Oh C.D., this is all my fault. I am coming back to Dallas right now. I have to get this mess straightened out...the sooner the better.” “Woo now, just wait up a minute honey. White Eagle specifically said that you and Cordell could not see each other until his healing was complete.” “But C.D....” “Now Alex, you; yourself agreed that White Eagle was a very wise man. He stated several times that Cordell’s demons had to be conquered before you two should see each other. And deep down I think he’s right. I know it is gonna be hard on you honey but you are going to have to stay where you are for the time being.” “I don’t know if I can do that C.D.” she replied honestly. C.D. could hear the pain in her voice and it tore at his heart. “I know darlin’...but will you at least try? For me? And for you and Cordell’s future happiness together?” Alex thought about everything that C.D. had told her. Her heart was so torn up by emotions. Part of her wanted to throw caution to the wind and hurry back to Dallas. She needed to make sure that Walker was all right. But as she continued to think about all that had happened she knew that Walker hadn’t been himself lately. Maybe White Eagle was right. Maybe there were demons unknown to even Walker himself, that were keeping him from totally committing himself to her. Weighing her options, she made her decision. “All right C.D. I will do as you ask and stay where I am. I hope I am doing the right thing. BUT...if I do stay here, you have to promise me that you will keep me informed of everything that goes on there. I mean EVERYTHING. Every detail. Promise?” “Well now of course I will honey. You have my word on it. Give me the number you are at and I will call you every couple of hours with updates on how things are going.” Alex gave him the number of where she was staying. As he wrote it down, a smile crept onto his face. He realized as he looked at the number he had just written down that Alex hadn’t gone that far away; in fact she was only three hours away from the ranch. “OK. I have the number and I will keep you informed. Now...is there anything you need Alex? Anything I can do for you?” “There’s only one thing I need C.D. and that’s to be with Walker.” “I know honey. I know. It’s just gonna take a little bit of time and a whole lot of patience. But it will happen. I can feel it in my bones.” “I hope so C.D.” Alex whispered, as she prayed she had made the right decision by staying away as C.D. had asked her too. ******** PAGE TWO

A Lesson in Love By: Dakota November 1999