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Amy Sedaris
The Late Show

October 8th 2003

David Letterman Interviewing Amy Sedaris

LETTERMAN: Our first guest is a talented actress who can currently be seen in the number one film in the country, School of Rock. Here's the very funny, the lovely Amy Sedaris.

(Amy comes out, shakes Dave’s hand and as he bends over to kiss Amy’s hand she tries to kiss his cheek but they have a mix up and Amy accidentally kisses his ear)

That was funny --

SEDARIS: Hi!

LETTERMAN: Because it was silly, it was kind of a mix up because I bent over to kiss your hand and as I bent over, you kissed my ear.

SEDARIS: See how that happens? It's called chemistry.

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: Yeah, it was great!

SEDARIS: Uh huh.

LETTERMAN: You look great. You always look great. You’re a lovely woman and you have a beautiful dress.

SEDARIS: Oh thank you so much!

LETTERMAN: Tell us about this dress

SEDARIS: Mary Adams, this dressmaker, made it for me out of all my aprons.

LETTERMAN: Is it made of aprons?

SEDARIS: Yeah, and there's lots of rick-rack on it.

LETTERMAN: Is that rick-rack or bricka-brack?

SEDARIS: Ricka-rack!

LETTERMAN: Uh huh.

SEDARIS: But I was wondering, how old do you have to be when you stop wearing rick-rack Dave? I'm 42.

LETTERMAN: No, you're fine, it looks lovely.

SEDARIS: Really? It's not like an ’I’ve written a letter to daddy’ kind of a dress?

(Audience laughs)

Uhhhh, all right.

LETTERMAN: No, it looks good!

SEDARIS: Thank you! Enough about me, let's talk about us!

LETTERMAN: All right, OK.

SEDARIS: I know you made the announcement of becoming a father --

LETTERMAN: Oh yeah, yeah.

SEDARIS: Took a lot of pressure off of me, as you know, but it's really great, we're really happy, aren't we?

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: Yes, yes.

SEDARIS: I love it. People say I'm starting to show, Ooooh! Oooooh! It kicked!

(Amy pretends to have pains in her stomach from the pregnancy)
(Dave and the audience laugh)

I'm not used to these things! Anyway, we're having shell steaks tonight so don't be late.

LETTERMAN: Well, OK, I would be late. So, what's new in your life? I know you lead a very active -- you have a big schedule -- what are you doing new?

SEDARIS: There’s a lot goin' on with me, Dave! Well, I got that computer, the last time I was on your show, I mentioned that I wanted to get a job at Mary's Fish Camp and get a computer. Well, I got the job, so --

LETTERMAN: Now, Mary’s Fish Camp is a restaurant?

SEDARIS: It’s a seafood restaurant, and I just work there when they need somebody. Like, I work this Friday and I don't know when I work again. But I make a lot of money, like $300 a night. And I got a computer, and I'm obsessed with eBay. Do you ever go on eBay?

LETTERMAN: Never been on eBay.

SEDARIS: Oh my God, it's a whole different world. I order like rick-rack and potholders and my rabbit is on a diet so I ordered a Steiff owl puppet to be the dietician -- you know, I couldn't do it -- so I got a little puppet for her. Iris Fleischmann's her name.

LETTERMAN: Iris Fleischmann is the name of the owl?

SEDARIS: Yeah, and what's so funny about eBay is the way they make the photographs are so bad. Like someone might take a photograph of a beige poncho and put it on a beige bedspread so you can't even see the object. Or there might be so much going on behind the item, you're like, what is that in the background? Like, why don't you clean up your house before you're gonna take….

(Audience laughs)

Or they take a penny and they put it next to the item so you know how big it is and sometimes I'm like, is the penny for sale or is the Late Show cup for sale? But I'm obsessed with it. And then you have to leave feedback --

LETTERMAN: Now, do you have an actual relationship with the seller when you buy something on that eBay?

SEDARIS: Well, that's my problem. I do. Like ‘cause I order from these old ladies, like Dottie in Kentucky and she writes me, I write her back and after a week I'm like, we have to stop this, I can't -- I don't have time for this transaction. But I like eBay, it's really creepy. And the way the boxes come to your house, sometimes things are wrapped in the weirdest -- like an adult diaper once ‘cause it's good paper padding. It’s just suspicious, very suspicious.

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: What had you bought that came --

SEDARIS: Baby clothes!

(Dave and the audience laugh)

Don’t forget, I'm a nanny to the celebrities still, (as Agnes Moorehead) “so if you ever need a nanny, Mr. Letterman, very nice, I put Lulu down for her nap. You look very good on that sketch show last night, can I get an advance on next week’s pay check?” My little brother has a baby and she's always happy because she’s young, so, and my dad said, we gotta nickname her Happy but we gotta start calling her Happy now so it sticks!

(Dave and the audience laugh)

LETTERMAN: Yeah, that's nice.

SEDARIS: So we're gonna call her Happy now -- so it sticks!

LETTERMAN: Now, I know Halloween’s coming --

SEDARIS: I can't wait!

LETTERMAN: Now that's what I thought.

SEDARIS: Jack-o-lanterns!

LETTERMAN: Do you do a lot of stuff?

SEDARIS: Um, well in the south when we would trick-or-treat sometimes we'd get people who would invite us in to have pumpkin pie instead of candy which was a real bummer ‘cause they were lonely and took advantage of us ‘cause we were out alone and all you're thinking about is, we're losing valuable trick-or-treating time! (To Dave) You’re like 'where is this going?'

(Dave and the audience laugh)

Anyway, I have a craft club, you know, and we meet every Thursday and last week we um, we go around and we do things crafty -- it's called the Crafty Beavers, my club --

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: Now, what a minute.

SEDARIS: Back up!

LETTERMAN: You’re actually in a group of men and women who make crafts?

SEDARIS: Yeah, and I'm the president. It’s called the Crafty Beavers.

LETTERMAN: I know. You said that. Now, how long have you been together?

SEDARIS: It's been 3 weeks.

LETTERMAN: Who selected the name for it?

SEDARIS: I did. It was tough, too. I didn't know what to go with --

LETTERMAN: Busy like a beaver.

SEDARIS: (Imitates a beaver) Yeah, like a little beaver!
So, we decorated this girl's storefront like on 10th St. twixt First and A and we made a big web and we built spiders, and we're gonna carve pumpkins for Mary’s Fish Camp and we just make crafty things out of pipe cleaners and felt. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

LETTERMAN: And what about your baking? Do you still do the cupcakes and stuff?

SEDARIS: Yeah, yeah.

LETTERMAN: You're a very busy woman.

SEDARIS: Yeah... (referring to the running gag about her “pregnancy”) and now this! This is it! No more! Tie the tubes!

(Dave and the audience laugh)

One word I learned on eBay is, I decorate my cupcakes with these little decorations attached to toothpicks, but they're called pokes. Isn't that an ugly word?

LETTERMAN: Poke?

SEDARIS: Yeah, it's like a poke. So if you want a cupcake, it's $1.50, with poke $2.00 and it's just like a little--they're called pokes. Isn't it ugly?

LETTERMAN: Yeah, now the other thing is, you're in the Jack Black --

SEDARIS: The number one movie.

LETTERMAN: It's a very funny movie.

SEDARIS: It’s hilarious.

LETTERMAN: He’s a very entertaining guy, Jack Black.

SEDARIS: Yeah, he is.

LETTERMAN: So let's show people -- tell them your part in the movie.

SEDARIS: Well, I play a grievance counsellor. Originally it was just going to be Jack Black and I in the movie but then for political reasons, they had to edit my scene down. But um, I loved working with the kids.

(Dave and audience laugh)

LETTERMAN: Now, what do you mean political reasons?

SEDARIS: Oh, just political reasons. That's all I know about politics. Anyway, but it's great working with kids ‘cause you know, like, I could talk to kids. This one boy told me his birthday was like August 13 or something and I said 'Oh, you're a Leo' and he was like, 'Wow! How did you know that?!' and I was like, 'Ahhh, are you seeing anybody?’ ‘cause then I was like really smart. I loved it. It was a lot of fun.

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: But we want to show the clip, but you say that your part was cut down in the movie?

SEDARIS: A little bit. But the clip is my entire part in the movie. I think we have time.

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: Do you want to tell people what it is, what we're going to see?

SEDARIS: This is my entire part in the number one, Jack Black movie.

LETTERMAN: Amy Sedaris in School of Rock.

SEDARIS: Number one movie.

(Shows clip of Amy’s entire part in movie)

SEDARIS: But you know, that's all I want, that's all I want in a movie. Like, small, quick in and out. Like, you know in those cop movies, they show you a Polaroid, like, “have you seen this man?” “'No, hmm mmm.” that's all I want.

(Audience laughs)

LETTERMAN: A lot of people are saying you actually steal the film.

SEDARIS: Oh, who?

LETTERMAN: Now, uh, it's always great to see you.

SEDARIS: I know, it's so good to see you!

LETTERMAN: And I hope you come back soon and enjoy the holidays. I guess the holidays are coming soon.

SEDARIS: Yeah, they're right around the corner.

LETTERMAN: Well, enjoy those and give my best to the Crafty Beavers

SEDARIS: Oh, thank you!

THE END

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