Title: Kinda I Want To
Author: Askani'daughter / Eruntalince (newloverboys@yahoo.com)
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Kinda I Want To 12 - Farewell, My Friends
By Askani'daughter
I started this, so I suppose it's only right I finish it.
Somehow, we've managed to live through the past few months, and we've all come out better for it. Villainous machinations, suicide missions, and melodrama aside, I think we've done rather well, all in all.
I am sorry you couldn't be here to say good-bye, Professor, so I'll let you know what happened. I know you had a lot of things to do, and focusing on our various internal problems has not been high on your list of priorities. Which is understandable, when we have a world to save.
Of course, none of us were surprised when a couple of weeks after consummating their love, Scott and Warren decided to retire from the X-Men. With all they've been through, it's time they go. They both said to call them should we ever need them, but they wanted, no, they *needed* to be alone with each other.
We all love the mansion, but it's not conducive to healthy relationships. Scott's been an active super hero since he was sixteen, with only small periods of time where he wasn't involved in something. Time for him to go out and experience life for once. And there's no one better to show him life than Warren.
I'm happy for them, happy they're so happy. But a part of me is sad, and still aches for the loss of Scott in my life. I love him, and I always will. But this was best for both of us. Scott is fulfilled now in ways I can't fulfill him, loved in ways I couldn't love him. And he's with someone who, beyond a shadow of a doubt, needs him. Scott is happy, but he's not content.
No, he's not content, because there are levels to his relationship with Warren that only only time will allow. Time filled with coping with Warren's idiosyncrasies, and Warren dealing with his. Levels that can only can be attained by working through all of Warren's insecurities and his grief, which is still not entirely gone, only forgotten in his current state of bliss. Levels that can only be attained by Scott working through his own pain. Love grows, and love changes. Love will change them both, and already has.
They need to be away from all of our prying eyes and mouths, so they can truly experience each other to the fullest, and I don't mean sexually. No, they're already having fun exploring that to its fullest potential, trust me. The psychic vibrations...wind up keeping the whole mansion awake, putting all "in the mood" as it were. Of course, we haven't told him he sends out empathic waves of his pleasure and happiness during his intimate moments with Warren. We all know better than that. Scott would kill us, then die of embarrassment.
Besides, watching the look on Logan's face when Scott starts unconsciously broadcasting is far too rich to ruin it by telling Scott.
Do I think the sex cemented their relationship? Yes, I do, but not for the typical cliche reason. Scott and Warren are both men, and no offense, Prof, but men are sexual creatures. Scott may be a little more emotionally sensitive than most men, but he still is a man. Sex is a physical expression of their love, something neither can express properly, without relying on their empathic bond. Which they often kept closed off until they had finally had sex, so go figure. No, the sex cemented their relationship, because it meant that Scott was completely and utterly free, completely able to accept Warren, and himself. It made what they had real, and not just a bunch of hidden emotions and words.
Not to mention relieved the sexual tension that was eating them both alive.
But the tension is gone, replaced by cords of desire, love, and support. And they still fight. At least once a day. But the frustration of their fighting is gone, and they actually enjoy the arguments. A form of foreplay to them. I think they like making up afterwards, too.
And me? I'm Jean Grey once again. Yes, I'm happy, Professor. I'm happy because I'm free, too. Life is new, different, ready for me to experience. My relationship with Scott had ended months before I divorced him. Neither of us saw it for the longest time. We were so comfortable, so *afraid* of being on our own. Now I know, I know who Jean Grey really is, and she's a very happy single woman. And maybe when I'm ready, I won't be single anymore.
Rogue and Remy came out and stood beside me, wanting to say good-bye to Scott and Warren as well. They've quickly reconciled, growing closer to each other than ever. I daresay the romance is back in their lives, partially due to Scott and Warren's meddling. Both men see a reflection in Rogue and Remy's relationship to their own, and made it their own personal mission to make sure they were together again.
The rest of the X-Men had said their good-byes already, wishing Warren and Scott luck. Everyone had wanted to know what they were planning on doing now. Scott said he was going to try his hand at writing a novel, and Warren's going to try and focus on his business. And I already know they're going to spend half their lives in bed, and the other half fighting over something silly. I still can't believe that damn fight they had about the sock drawer.
Scott and Warren finally came out after several minutes of the three of us silently waiting for them. Scott wore a tight red t-shirt, and a pair of dark blue cargo pants. Warren's been influencing his wardrobe lately. Warren, of course, in his image inducer, was wearing a white silk shirt and a pair of khaki pants. Tailored to perfection. Scott was carrying his only bag, and four of Warren's. Warren had two of his own, and the schedule book in hand. He was ripping up the schedules Scott made as he walked, and Scott was yelling at him for it. So much for peace and harmony. But hell, they'd be bored if it was all peace and harmony between them.
They paused in front of Rogue and Remy, and I stood to the side, letting them have their private good-byes. Both couples understand each other completely, and in ways I can't. Hugs and handshakes were exchanged, and after a tearful good-bye (on the part of Remy, not Rogue), the Southern Belle and the Cajun thief headed back into the house.
Which left Scott and Warren facing me.
I handed them the keys to their car, which I'd pulled up to the driveway for them, and gave them your farewell message. I fell silent, staring at my two best friends in the entire world. What to say now?
"Well, Jeanie, I guess we owe you a lot, don't we? Me, in particular," Warren said, reaching out and taking my hand.
I smiled at them. "You do, and don't think I'm going to let either of you forget it. I'm going to miss you, Warren. The mansion won't be the same without you. Most of us will start slumming in jeans and t-shirts now that you're gone," I grinned at him.
"And I'm going to miss you, Red. Now I don't have a safety buffer. When I screw up, I'm going to have hear it from Scott. And he's bitchy," Warren sighed, and shaking his head in mock sadness. I swatted him playfully on the arm. He grinned and hugged me, putting his bags in the trunk, leaving me and Scott alone.
"I love you, Jean," Scott said quietly, staring at his feet.
"And I love you, Scott. Now, behave yourself for me, okay?" I told him, getting teary-eyed despite myself.
"You know I will, Jean. And thank you. For everything," he said awkwardly, still looking at his feet.
"Any time, Slim. You know I don't regret even a minute."
"Neither do I. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Don't stay single for long. Logan's lonely."
I answered him with a hug, and a sisterly kiss to his cheek. "When I'm ready, Scott. Merry be, and blessed part," I whispered, falling back on a Wiccan parting I learned.
He blinked and then smiled, finally meeting my eyes. "Same to you, Red," he whispered, kissing me once more, and getting into the passenger side of the car, as Warren it started up.
I was nosy, so I listened in as Warren glanced at me once more and waved, and Scott leaned over to play with the radio station after waving at me.
They were silent for a couple minutes, each thinking of their good-byes to all the X-Men. Thinking of their new life, and how far they'd come, and how far they had to go.
"If she wanted you back, Scott, would you go?" Warren asked after a few minutes. Still so insecure, so desperate.
Scott looked at his lover, his expression serious. "No," he said simply, honestly.
"Why? You love her more," Warren said bitterly.
"I love her differently, not more. Jean and I have nothing left to give each other. That's when a relationship is over, Warren, when you can't put anything more into it. It's over between her and me. But between you and me, everything's just begun."
Warren just smiled, visibly touched. He needed that reassurance, that knowledge that he was the most important thing in Scott's life, because Scott was the most important thing in his. Scott brushed a hand against his lover's cheek, and Warren rubbed his face against the hand. They were happy, they were in love, and they were finally part of each other in ways that few human beings have ever attained.
I drew away, leaving them to their new lives with a smile on my lips. Scott and Warren were beautiful together, and it had nothing to do with their bodies. All sap aside, love is beautiful, Professor, and I'm glad Scott has found the love he needs.
Farewell, my friends.
The beginning.
END
Notes:
Well, I'd like to say a few things, before I let this fic rot in the archives here.
"Kinda I Want To" is kinda my pet baby, so it's hard to let it go. I poured blood, sweat, and tears over it, especially during the revision. It got away from me at first, and I almost quit writing it, but by someone pointing out the obvious to me, I just decided to rework it, and kept it focused and truer to my ideal. For those of you who preferred the previous storyline, please stay tuned for "Freak On A Leash", an X-Men movieverse Scott/Warren fic. It has the same dark tone and feel, a tone and feel that was out of place in "Kinda I Want To".
Mainly what I wanted to speak about is some of the various issues my story brought up and to answer a few questions I was asked. I'll start with the alternating POVs. Writing different POVs is very difficult, and some of you might notice they all have different tones, and different views on the Scott/Warren relationship. But everyone drew the same conclusion about Scott/Warren. Some people made comments about how and why things really happened, but anything stated in the chapters is often that particular character's POV, and opinion. Jean is not going to see Scott and Warren's relationship the same way as Bobby, nor will Bobby see it the same way as Logan, and so on and so forth.
Some people asked me why I didn't write a Hank POV. Well, I had a very simple reason for this. Hank doesn't seem like the nosy type. According to my timeline and storyline, Hank has had to deal with the UST between Cyclops and Angel from the beginning. If he never made a big deal of it before, why would he start now? After all those years, why would he go running to the Professor with profound observations of Scott and Warren. I get the impression that Hank is the type of guy who really didn't care what they did with each other, as long as they kept him out of it. Sure, he wanted them to be happy, and he'd surely voice his opinion (and he did in Part 9), but Hank just wasn't going to get involved. What does this say about the characters who did have POVs? It says that they are either nosy, involved, or touched by the events that transpired throughout the story.
And then there is my infamous revision. One of the things I missed about the revision the most was the loss of Jean as a main character. Jean is a great character, and while I'm neutral toward her pairing with Scott, I like placing her in my slash stories, and treating her with the respect her comic character deserves. I am truly sorry the revised plot kinda shoved Jean to the background, but such is life.
As for the song lyrics, well, I'm a huge NIN fan. And while I keep my own counsel on the true meaning of the song in respects to Trent Reznor, I found the lyrics to be extremely appropriate to Scott's feelings throughout most of the story. And occasionally even Warren's. It set the tone of the story, but did not set the story, as it were.
And last but not least, I think I should extend my thanks to all those who helped me write my story, regardless of it's quality. I should like to thank Blu, who was the one who pointed out to me what I was doing wrong. I should also like to send much love and thanks to Mara Greengrass, who not only offered to beta for me, but kept me on the right road during a few scenes throughout the storyline. She was a godsend, and definitely improved my story quality. And also Minisinoo, who I consider the authority on Scott Summers, and was most informative in my attempt to psychologically dissect him during the numerous emails I sent to debate with her, just to see what info I could squeeze out of her. Yes, I'm a pest. Hopefully, she doesn't hate me.
And also many thanks to all those who gave me feedback on both the X-Fiction list, Fanfiction.net reviews, and especially through my site. Even the occasional criticism helped me out. Though I maintain my position on Warren's appearance, and will happily quote issues and send scans to any who question his beauty in canon. It's not my fault the artists suck half the time, and the writers often choose to ignore it.
Well, thank you for reading my story, and I hope to see all you Scott/Warren shippers out there on the "Freak On A Leash". I'll stop posturing and get off my soapbox now.
*12/30 Addendum:* Some interesting questions were brought to my attention. I shall attempt to answer them. :)
Someone asked about the comment where Jean referred to even Wolverine having a stray homosexual thought or two, but never said about whom. No you didn't miss anything because I leave this for the reader's to guess. Who do *you* think Wolverine would have thought about batting for the other team, as it were, once or twice in his life? I know who *I* think it is. *smirk*
A mention was made about Scott clinging to his goggles/visors/glasses, even with losing his optic powers. This is an interesting psychological question, and quite debatable. Personally, I think he'd toss the damn things as far away from him as he could. But in the "Kinda I Want To" storyline, Scott developed myopia from the strain on his optic nerves, and had to wear normal prescription glasses (which I think he would look sexy in). So that alleviated any psychological debate in this particular plotline.
Ramble? Me? Of course...
- J. Marie, aka Askani'daughter