Title: Understand me 2

Author: Morgana (morganalebeau@yahoo.com)

Website: http://www.oocities.org/morganalebeau/

______________________________________

 

Understand me

By Morgana

 

Chapter Three

Remy woke after midnight and involuntarily snuggled closer to the warm body beside him. Opening his eyes, he realized that Joseph was holding him in his sleep. The man was a complete mystery to Remy. The Cajun had felt Joseph's loneliness when the other mutant had told him about the orphanage. Yes, they knew that Joseph wasn't Magneto after the Master of Magnetism had reappeared, but they still didn't know who the white haired mutant really was.

Remy slowly raised his right hand and let it glide through the long white hair that rested on Joseph's shoulder. He shouldn't allow Joseph to offer him comfort and support like this. Joseph needed time alone to figure out where he stood in life and whether he wanted to get back with Rogue.

Feeling bad for taking up this much of Joseph's time, Remy pulled back his hand and gently untangled himself from Joseph's embrace. The other mutant stirred, but Remy used his empathy to wrap Joseph in feelings of security. It worked and Joseph stopped moving about.

Cautiously, Remy slid off the couch. Relieved, he noticed that he didn't feel that sore any longer and while keeping the quilt tightly wrapped around him, he walked over to the window. It was still raining outside and the rain drops gently tapped against the glass of the window.

Remy rested his forehead against the cool glass and listened closely. The rhythmic beat of the rain was his most favorite sound in the world. It had lured him into sleep when he'd been younger and even now he sometimes played a CD with rain and thunderstorm sounds when he couldn't sleep.

Even tonight the raindrops soothed his worries. He watched the droplets slide down the glass and a distant lighting bolt illuminated the midnight sky. As long as he lived he would love to listen to the roar of thunder, the tapping of rain and he would forever devour the sight of the lighting bolts as they hit the earth. Nature's power was impressive.

"Remy?" Joseph bolted awake when another roar of thunder rolled over the boathouse. Not finding Remy close alarmed him. His eyes scanned the living area and he located the Cajun near the window. "What are you doing?"

"Enjoyin' de silence," was Remy's cryptic answer.

"What silence?" Joseph climbed off the couch and joined Remy, who was still staring outside, brow resting against the cool glass. "I hear thunder and rain..."

"Dey have deir own silence... De world grows quiet when dey rage," Remy whispered and placed the palm of his hand against the glass, trying to feel the raindrops on the other side of the window.

"I don't understand," Joseph admitted. Seeing the small tremors that moved through Remy's shoulders, arms and hands, he returned to the couch to gather a blanket. "You seem cold." Remy's bare shoulders revealed goose bumps.

"I never got used to de cold," Remy whispered and allowed Joseph to drape the blanket over his shoulders. "When Scott asked me to move into de boathouse I never expected to have company."

"If it hadn't been for you I'd probably have left the mansion after I talked to Rogue," Joseph admitted and watched how a bolt of lightning hit, and split a tree in two. "It's getting closer."

"Whadda y' mean? Y' would have left de mansion?"

"I'd have left Westchester," Joseph clarified. Thankfully, Remy had stopped shivering.

"To go where?" Remy asked in a surprised tone. "Back to de orp'anage?"

Saddened, Joseph shook his head. "I can't ever go back there."

"I'm glad y' decided to stay," Remy blurted out. He dreaded to think what would have happened if Joseph hadn't appeared at the nightclub.

"You like the sound of rain?" Joseph asked, changing the topic of their conversation.

"Oui," Remy said with a smile on his face.

"Why?" Joseph hoped that he wasn't prying. "Would you like to move back to the couches before telling me?" He felt the cold draft that slipped beneath the window.

Remy nodded his head and returned to their makeshift bed. He sat down cross-legged and waited for Joseph to take his seat. The other mutant sat next to him and stretched his legs. Remy pulled up the comforter and tucked them both in. "It reminds me of my yout'," Remy said eventually.

"The rain?" Joseph closely observed the Cajun, making sure Remy wasn't growing cold again.

"And us sittin' here like dis." Remy caught Joseph's eyes and smiled warmly. "I was 10 when de LeBeau clan adopted me."

Joseph nodded his head. "I heard that the Thieves' Guild adopted you." Scott had let it slip once.

"Henri, my plus vieux frère, always got stuck baby sittin' when poppa had to leave on business." Remy leaned back his head, snuggled deeper into the comfort of the couch and comforter and continued. "I used to have nightmares... bad nightmares and he'd come to my room and sit wit' me, like y're doin' now."

It surprised Joseph to hear that Remy had suffered from nightmares at such a tender age. He was tempted to ask what those nightmares had been about, but reigned in his curiosity.

"Some nights, it used to rain and I loved to hear dem raindrops tap 'gainst de window. I was warm in bed, had a home and clot'es on my back. De rain was outside and could no longer make me feel miserable."

Joseph saw the expression in Remy's eyes and knew the Cajun didn't share his past easily. "How long did you live on the streets?"

Remy shuddered. "Five years, homme."

"Five years?" Joseph's brow grew knitted. "But that means that you were five when..."

"I ran away..." Remy offered softly. He had to be careful now. Some things had to remain a secret forever. "Life on de streets wasn' dat bad compared to..." Remy stopped himself. He'd almost given too much away.

"Compared to what?"

"To where I used to live." Remy's fingernails dug into the comforter.

Joseph sensed Remy's sudden distress and backed off. Instead, he asked, "What was living on the streets like?" Remy had seemed okay with that subject.

"I was happy, mon ami," Remy whispered and smiled. "Lived in de worst part of N'Awlins, mais dat didn' matter. I found someone who wanted to take care of me."

Joseph tried to picture how it must have been like for Remy, living on the streets, homeless, alone. "Who was that?"

"Mère Cosette ran a brot'el, de Moulin Rouge. She had 20 girls workin' for her and she had a fine reputation. Mère Cosette found me on de street at night. I'd gat'ered some cardboard boxes to sleep in, mais it continued to rain. I had to leave de boxes and bumped into her. She took me to de Moulin Rouge, gave me dry clot'es and made me an offer I couldn' refuse. I'd been livin' on de streets for one year and was starvin', hurt and ready for some company."

Joseph's heart missed a beat. He'd made a habit of reading the newspaper each day and every now and then, he read about children who had been forced to prostitute themselves. Had something similar happened to Remy?

Remy felt Joseph's apprehension and smiled reassuringly. "Non, I never had to sell my body to survive. Mère Cosette needed someone to wait on de girls' customers. I took deir coats, brought dem deir drinks and fetched t'ings de girls needed. Mère Cosette had a spare room beneat' de roof, which she offered me, but I declined. I wanted to keep my freedom, so she paid me instead."

"And the men never tried to..." Joseph licked his lips, wondering how to phrase this. "They never tried to hurt you?"

Remy grinned. "Some offered me money if I went to a room wit' dem, mais I always refused. Mère Cosette would make it very clear to dem that I was off limits. Once dough..."

"Yes?" Joseph noticed the distant expression in Remy's eyes.

"A man tried to pull me into a room while I'd just told him non. One of de girls heard me scream and she quickly alerted Mère Cosette. Dey stormed inside and t'rew him out."

"Did he have time to hurt you?" Joseph was getting caught up in Remy's past.

"He fondled me, mais dat was 'bout it. Den, one night, Jean-Luc LeBeau visited de Moulin Rouge. Poppa's wife died while Henri was only a bébé and he needed some female company. Mère Cosette was rat'er fond of poppa, I t'ink."

Joseph never noticed that Remy's hand had sought out his to soothingly rub his fingers.

"Mère Cosette was about to show Jean-Luc de new girls when he saw me. I cringed, recognizin' de man whose pocket I'd picked last night. I still had his wallet in my hidin' place and his expression frightened me. When he told Mère Cosette dat he wanted to talk to me, I ran."

Joseph suddenly grew aware of the fact that Remy's fingers were curled around his, but didn't comment on it. When he'd told Remy about Sister Maria, it had been hard on him and he'd taken comfort in Remy's closeness. He could do the same for the other man.

"He caught me before I made it to de door." Remy smiled brilliantly. "I expected him to be mad, to spank me, demand his money back, but instead he asked Mère Cosette where my parents where and what I was doin' in a brot'el at my age."

Joseph listened carefully. Remy hadn't mentioned his parents before.

"She told him that I lived on de streets and dat my family had died. For some reason, he took me home wit' him. Mère Cosette tried to object, mais poppa simply carried me into de street, 'way from de Moulin Rouge."

"Weren't you afraid that he might have... bad plans for you?" Joseph saw the admiration in Remy's eyes. The Cajun really loved Jean-Luc LeBeau.

"Oui, I did. I locked m'self up in de room he'd assigned to me and wouldn' let anyone near. Mais as de hours passed by, I grew hungry and tired. I fell 'sleep and when I woke up 'gain I was in poppa's study. He told me that he'd decided to adopt me."

"Did you ever wonder why? Why he wanted to adopt you?"

"He said it was because of my eyes," Remy admitted gingerly. "I never asked him why he wanted to take me in. I was so happy dat I'd have a new family, a brot'er, tante, père. I didn' really care why dis was suddenly happenin' to me."

Joseph realized how much Remy had opened up to him. The Cajun wasn't a man who trusted easily and Joseph felt honored that Remy had chosen to confide in him. "Did you learn about this... slave and master thing at the brothel?" Joseph didn't know how else to phrase his question.

"Oui," Remy admitted, feeling a stabbing shame at letting Steve get away with so much. "Some of de customers at de Moulin Rouge liked to be spanked, tied down or... whipped. I sometimes assisted de girls."

"You were much too young to be exposed to that," Joseph said thoughtfully. "Did they ever whip you? Spank you?"

Remy shrugged his shoulders and suddenly became aware of his fingers, curled around Joseph's. Quickly, as if he'd been bitten by a snake, he released the other man's hand.

Joseph arched an eyebrow, but didn't comment on it. He sensed that Remy was retreating back into his shell, but he'd learned a lot about the Cajun.

"I don' wanna talk 'bout dis any more," Remy said, pulled up the comforter to his chin and lay down, facing away from Joseph.

What had caused the sudden change in Remy? Had it been his last question about being whipped or spanked? In a certain way, Joseph was left with even more questions.

Remy wrapped his arms around his waist and tried rocking himself to sleep. He'd told Joseph too much and hoped the other mutant wouldn't figure things out. //It has to stay a secret,// Remy thought determinedly. //Can' tell him 'bout my real père...// Feigning sleep, Remy tensed as Joseph lay down behind him. His heart thumped madly as the other man spooned up closely. A sigh of distress escaped his lips as Remy felt his body waking up.

//Non! Can't t'ink 'bout him like dat! He just broke up wit' Rogue. He's on de rebound and wants to be wit' someone. Josep' isn' interested in me. He'd be interested in anyone who showed him some attention!// And how did he know? Because he was on the rebound as well. Rogue had only dumped him weeks ago to be with Joseph and Remy knew that he was reacting like this because Joseph *was* paying him attention. It was a vicious circle, which they had to break.

Joseph acted instinctively and draped one arm possessively over Remy's hip, pulling the Cajun close, almost grinding his groin into the tight ass in front of him. He bit down a moan, realizing he was growing hard. Why was he growing aroused like this? Remy was a man! He'd never before felt attracted to a man, at least he thought so. But with his memories gone, how could he be sure?

Increasing the distance between them, Joseph pushed away from the warm body. Had Remy noticed him growing erect? If he had, the Cajun didn't show it, for which Joseph felt thankful. In the future, he would be more careful.

///

The next morning, Joseph opened his eyes and sought out Remy's face. "Damn!" he cursed loudly, recognizing the blank stare in Remy's open eyes. Hadn't he pulled Remy from this state only last evening? He'd hoped that Remy wouldn't allow himself to get into this condition again! Maybe talking about the Cajun's youth had triggered this.

"Remy, don't do this to me, not again!" Joseph gently shook the other man's shoulders, trying to reach the Cajun. "Talk to me, Remy!" He was about to focus on his feelings of concern for Remy when a loud knock on the front door distracted him. //What if it's Rogue?// That thought startled him.

"Joseph? Remy!"

Joseph recognized the voice at once. "Professor Xavier?" He tucked Remy in again and then slid off the couch. He covered the distance to the door and opened it.

Charles looked at Joseph, the young man resembled Magneto so much. "Can we talk?" Scott had told him about Joseph and Rogue breaking up and he wanted to see if he could help somehow. He'd already sought out Rogue, but she'd politely declined his offer.

But Joseph had other plans. "What do you know about empaths?"

Surprised, Charles raised an eyebrow. Floating into the living room, he caught sight of Remy's state. "My God, what happened to him?" Remy's shields had always been strong, but as he probed them now, he felt awed.

"I think he's depressed. When I returned here yesterday I found him cold and wet upstairs in bed." Joseph locked eyes with the professor.

"Why did you ask me about empaths?" Charles floated closer to the couches until he could touch Remy's face. The Cajun's shields were amazing. They equalled his own!

"Because Remy is one!" Joseph stated exasperated. He couldn't believe that Xavier didn't know. "He's one of your students and you don't know that he's an empath?" The accusation echoed in the room.

Charles tasted the anger in Joseph's words. At moments like these Joseph reminded him an awful lot of Magnus. "How can you be sure that Remy's an empath?" Had he really been so negligent that he didn't know his student's powers? As he moved his fingers over Remy's brow, he detected ripples in the young man's shields.

"Because he told me!" Joseph was quickly losing his patience. "How do you draw an empath away from depression? He's locking everything out. Last evening I found him like this as well!"

Remy remained motionless, barely registering the arguing voices. He didn't want to listen or acknowledge the two men. Joseph's questions had made Remy remember something he'd wanted to forget...

"An empath," Charles said in a thoughtful tone. "It'd make sense. Then his shields... his *empathic* shields are so strong because he's been trying to control his powers, keeping them reigned in and our emotions out."

"What can we do to pull him back?" Joseph sat on the arm rest of the couch and began to stroke the Cajun's hair.

Charles watched Joseph closely, surprised at the gentleness displayed in that caress. Originally, it had been his plan to try to get Rogue and Joseph back together again, but now he was having second thoughts. Joseph seemed comfortable here. Maybe he'd found a purpose for now. Charles cleared his throat and observed how fast Joseph's hand pulled back. "How did you draw him out yesterday?"

"It took me a while to figure it out, but I concentrated on my feelings. I..." he hesitated to admit it. "I tried to make him feel guilty for scaring me like that."

"And it worked?" Charles cocked his head to study Remy's blank eyes. "Try it again." Maybe these feelings weren't one sided. He suspected that Joseph cared for Remy, maybe even more than he wanted to admit. What if Remy felt deeply about Joseph too? And what had triggered that mutual reaction?

Charles pushed those questions away and focused on Remy. "His shields are incredibly strong. I can't breach them. You've got to repeat what you did yesterday."

Joseph slid onto the couch and pulled Remy onto his lap. "Remy? You know you're scaring me. You did this yesterday as well. Now please stop and come back from wherever you are." Concentrating on his feelings, Joseph sent Remy his concern, but also his fear at being unable to pull him back.

Those feelings tore Remy away from the void that he'd built in his mind. No one could reach him here, no one could ever hurt him again, except... a voice was calling him; a familiar voice.

"Remy? I want to talk to you." Joseph rubbed the inside of Remy's wrists and his brow grew furrowed as the bite marks reminded him of Remy's need to hurt himself. "Remy? Please?"

Remy couldn't resist following that voice back. Joseph was the only one who'd shown him some kindness and he couldn't desert him.

"Yes, that's it!" Joseph exclaimed pleased when Remy's eyes slowly cleared. Next, he glared at Xavier, who'd done nothing to bring the Cajun back.

Remy moaned as the sunlight hit his eyes and he quickly closed them.

"Remy?"

Remy almost flashed his eyes open again at hearing that voice. "Professor?" What was Xavier doing here? He peeked through half closed eyelids at Charles. //Where am I?// he wondered. He then recalled that Joseph had pushed the couches together so they could sleep comfortably. //I'm in his arms 'gain!// he realized and his nervousness grew. He had to stop clinging to Joseph like that!

"Hello Remy," Charles started and tried hard to ignore Joseph's glare. "How are you feeling?"

"What's this?" Joseph questioned angrily. "You should have asked him that when he came back from Antarctica!" Joseph gently placed Remy back onto the couch and then got to his feet to face Xavier. "How is it possible that you don't know what Remy's powers are?" This still baffled him. "Do your students mean that little to you or is it because it's Gambit, whom you think a traitor? You didn't support him either during these last few weeks! We ignored him instead! Do you know the amount of damage we've done?"

Charles grew alert, seeing the anger in Joseph's eyes and he swore he felt the power grow inside Joseph's mind. "Calm down," Charles said softly. Joseph had no real control over his powers, but handled them subconsciously. If he got this angry, he might release them and no one could tell what damage they could do!

"Is that what you've been saying to the others when they were upset that Remy remained at the mansion?" Joseph's eyes hardened. He knew that he was losing control and it frightened him, but all he could think about was getting back at them for how they'd treated Remy and Xavier was an easy target. "Or were you too busy reassuring them that Onslaught would never return?" Furiously, he began to pace. "The X-Men forgave you, accepted me... why couldn't you do the same thing for Remy?"

Charles' hoverchair began to rock in the air as Joseph's magnetic powers tore at it. Charles suspected how powerful Joseph could be, should he ever reach his full potential and he had to stop the young man now. "Joseph..."

But Joseph cut him off. "No, I want to know why the X-Men shunned Remy for making a mistake while they took me in at the same time!" Several appliances in the kitchen and living room shook and the TV dropped onto the floor with a loud bang.

Remy felt Joseph's rage and wished he understood the other mutant. The X-Men were only giving him the treatment he deserved. "Josep'? Come over here, mon ami," he said slowly.

Charles looked at Remy, noticing a special tone to the Cajun's voice. He'd only heard it rarely and felt some power at work when Remy called out to Joseph again.

"Josep'? I'm cold... and..." Joseph had turned around to look at him and Remy continued to whisper soft pleas. In the meantime he empathically reached out, assuring Joseph that everything would be fine and... "Y're in control, mon ami."

Charles listened closely, surprised at how easily Remy could calm Joseph down. Joseph was already on his way over to the couch to claim Remy's hand. //I never suspected they might be attracted to each other... Do they know themselves? And... is that the reason why Rogue took Joseph as her lover? To keep them apart? Did she know...?//

Charles couldn't believe that he'd actually reached that conclusion, but as he watched them interact, touch and talk to each other, he realized that he'd drawn the right conclusion. Now, would both men admit and act on their feelings and how could Remy, an empath apparently, not feel the mutual attraction?

"It's bien, mon ami," Remy said as Joseph sat down on the couch. "It's my shields. Dey're very strong. Need dem strong to keep ot'er people's feelings out and my power locked up. I never wanted anyone to find out."

"But why?" Joseph asked, confused. "Their negative emotions were hurting you!" He'd calmed down, yes, but the rage was still there.

"Dey'd t'ink I tried to manipulate dem," Remy admitted and locked eyes with Xavier. "Dey already t'ink I'm bad news."

"Remy... your shields are as strong as mine... I never knew you're an empath and... your shields kept me from feeling how hurt you really are." Now that his hoverchair was stable again, he floated closer to the two men. "I'm sure your shields kept Jean out as well. I'm truly sorry, Remy. We didn't know."

Joseph stared at Remy, who was holding his hand tightly. "I feel in control again," he suddenly realized. Remy's warm feelings had somehow subdued his rage. He'd been ready to end Xavier's existence. That loss of control had been terrifying and then Remy had reached out to him. "How did you do that?"

"I don' know," Remy offered in a tiny tone. "I just did."

Charles drew in a deep breath. "Remy, do you want to come back to the mansion and learn to use your empathy effectively?"

Remy peeked at Joseph, who'd moved into the boathouse because of him. "Non," he said firmly. "Wanna stay here." He caught Joseph's sigh. He wanted to work with Joseph on gaining a sense of control. "Mais... y' said dat y' couldn' get passed my shields? Dat y' never felt my... pain?" If that was the truth, the telepaths hadn't known how much he was suffering.

"You thought that we could reach past your shields?" Xavier asked, curiously.

"I t'ought dat I was broadcastin' my pain and dat... dat y' were ignorin' me." Remy fumbled with the sleeve of Joseph's shirt, not actually realizing that he was doing it.

"We would never ignore someone in pain, but... it's a delicate situation, Remy. There are so many factors that contributed to..." Xavier stopped talking, seeing the rage flare in Joseph's eyes again. "You're right. It's inexcusable."

Remy caressed Joseph's hand and tried to absorb the anger that was still hiding inside. Slowly, it seeped into his mind, where he dismissed it.

"What are you doing?" Joseph and Xavier asked simultaneously.

"Rien," Remy said, embarrassed. "Just..."

"Just what?" Xavier asked before Joseph had the chance to voice that same question.

"Josep's too angry... I'm takin' 'way de surplus so he feels in control 'gain." Remy's eyes grew big when he saw that Joseph's fingers were tightly twined with his. He tried to pull away, but Joseph wouldn't let him.

"Remy stays here, with me," Joseph stated possessively and his eyes challenged the professor to object.

Charles gave them a long, hard look. Maybe Joseph was right. The two men seemed to be good for each other. "Agreed, but I'll ask Hank to have a look at you, Remy. I'm sure he knows how to fight this depression."

Listlessly, Remy nodded his head. He wasn't really interested in fighting his depression. It didn't matter how he felt. He'd never be whole again.

///

"Now this, my Cajun friend, should work," Hank announced pleasantly. "Take one pill before going to bed and one during breakfast for the next three weeks." Hank cocked his head and peeked at Remy. The Cajun was tired, too skinny and not really interested in the prescribed medication.

"I'll make sure he takes them, doctor McCoy," Joseph assured him. He walked Hank back to the living room, hoping he could have a word in private with McCoy.

Remy curled up in his now dry bed. Joseph had put clean sheets on the bed and had carried the comforter, pillows and blankets upstairs again. Closing his eyes, he wondered why they were suddenly concerned about him. Xavier had barely left when Beast had appeared at their doorstep to examine him.

Joseph made sure that Remy hadn't followed them downstairs and then asked, "What can I do to help him recover?" He doubted the meds alone would do the trick.

Hank sighed. "Be there for him. Listen to him. Make sure he eats and drinks. He's showing signs of dehydration."

"I'm already doing that and he still drifts off at times. It scares me when his eyes go blank," Joseph admitted as he walked Hank to the door.

"I understand, my friend, but it's Remy's coping mechanism. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he's done this in the past when he went through a rough time." Hank paused briefly. "It shows how deeply we hurt him."

"You were there too," Joseph recalled. "Can you tell me why we didn't go back to search for him?"

Guilt flashed in McCoy's eyes at hearing that question. "I asked myself that countless times. When Betsy told us to join her in her shadows, I heard Rogue say that she'd take care of Remy and that we should leave."

"I heard that as well," Joseph recalled. "But what happened after that? Remy was very much alive when she flew him out."

"I can't answer that question, my troubled friend. Rogue is the only one who can answer it." Hank gave Joseph a thoughtful look. "Are you going to put that question to her?"

"Maybe," Joseph replied. "Right now, I don't want to talk to her."

"Make sure he takes that first pill now and the second one after dinner, before he goes to sleep," Hank reminded him. "The chemicals will restore the imbalance in his brain and thus battle his depression."

"Thank you for checking on him."

"You are right," Hank said after a short pause. "We should have gone back for him." Hank bowed his head regretfully.

Joseph watched Hank walk away from the boathouse until the mutant had vanished from sight. Then he closed the door and headed for the kitchen where he made some tea.

///

"Here, drink this." Joseph placed the tray onto the nightstand and established eye contact with Remy. He felt relieved when the alien eyes focused on him. "Sit up, Remy," he instructed.

"Don' wanna," Remy whispered, but did as he was told and pushed himself into a sitting position. Joseph placed the white pill into his hand and Remy stared at it. "I hate meds."

"Swallow it," Joseph encouraged him. "It's good for you." He handed Remy a glass of water and made sure the Cajun emptied it. After all, Hank had said that Remy was showing signs of dehydration. "Drink this warm tea as well." Joseph placed the empty water glass on the tray and looked expectedly at Remy. "Sip it... slowly."

Remy couldn't find it in his heart to disappoint Joseph and sipped the tea. He was growing uncomfortable under all the attention and wondered why Joseph was taking care of him. The other mutant probably had an ulterior motive, but what was it?

Joseph noticed the brooding look, but he preferred it to the blank expression that sometimes haunted Remy's eyes. He allowed Remy to stare at him a little longer and then said, "What?"

Suddenly, Remy realized that he'd been openly staring at Joseph. Handing him the now empty mug, Remy leaned back into the pillows. "Can make my own tea," he said defensively. What did Joseph hope to achieve by pampering him?

"It's almost dinner time," Joseph reminded him. "Anything special you want me to fix?"

"I'm gettin' fed up wit' lyin' in bed," Remy muttered nervously. "Can' we go out for dinner?"

"Are you sure you're up to that, Remy? What if the medication doctor McCoy prescribed makes you sleepy?"

//Merde! He has to be right 'gain!// He didn't know if and how the new meds would affect him.

Joseph read defeat in Remy's eyes, but didn't really want to see it there. "Why don't you slip into some clean clothes?" Joseph pointed at the duffle bag, which he'd brought from the mansion. "Scott packed some of your stuff."

Remy bit down an angry remark. He'd underestimated Cyclops. Apparently the man was really eager to make sure he stayed clear of the mansion.
Defeat changed into indignation and Joseph somehow knew what Remy was thinking. "Scott's worried too."

"'bout me runnin' back to de mansion, non?" Remy glared at Joseph. "Will never set a foot in dere ever 'gain!" he vowed passionately.

"Scott asked you to move into the boathouse because he thought it was in your best interest."

That caught Remy's attention. "I don' understand."

"He was worried that the situation would become explosive. I think he wanted to make sure you were safe here, away from the others. It wasn't meant as punishment," Joseph explained patiently.

"Mais I felt his disgust!" Remy averted his eyes and rested his head against the pillows. Hopefully the meds wouldn't make him drowsy. He didn't want to be confined to bed.

"I got the feeling that Scott didn't really want you to leave the mansion. Maybe he felt that he'd failed as team leader? You should ask him." Joseph figured that Remy had abandoned the idea of eating out and got up from the bed to start dinner.

"Josep'?"

He turned around and noticed that Remy was pushing back the covers.

"Can I come downstairs wit' y'?" He could descend the stairs on his own, but hoped Joseph would stay close. The other man's mind soothed his.

"Yes." Joseph watched as Remy got to his feet. The Cajun was dressed in soft sweat pants and a long sleeved shirt. "I'm not that great a cook," he pointed out to Remy as they descended the stairs. He stayed one step behind the Cajun to catch him should the meds kick in and make Remy dizzy.

Remy walked over to the couch and relished the fact that he no longer felt that sore. Getting some sleep and being fed croissants and soup had aided his recovery. Feeling pleasantly lazy, he watched Joseph open and close cupboards. "What are y' lookin' for?" He'd stayed at the boathouse before and knew where to find stuff.

"Garlic press."

Remy raised an eyebrow and slowly rose from the couch. As he entered the kitchen, he saw that the pasta had come to a boil. Joseph had put minced meat, tomato sauce and dried herbs onto the kitchen counter. "I love Italian food," Remy whispered.

"But no wine," Joseph stated determinedly. "You can't mix those meds with alcohol."

Taken aback, Remy watched as Joseph started to work on flavoring the sauce. Why was Joseph making such an effort to prepare dinner? They could have nuked a pizza in the microwave. Absentmindedly, Remy took out utensils, plates and glasses, and set the table.

Joseph smiled, seeing Remy move about. Yes, this was a lot better than that damned listlessness that sometimes overwhelmed the Cajun. Pleased with his accomplishments, Joseph stirred the sauce. "Dinner's ready," he announced and carried the food over to the table. Hopefully, he'd be able to keep Remy from locking out the world.

 

Chapter Four

Remy was ready to turn in, when he wondered if Joseph would prefer to sleep on the couch tonight. There was no longer a reason for them to sleep that close. Watching Joseph move into the bathroom, Remy felt inwardly torn. He knew that he'd only slept that well because Joseph had held him through the night.

Feeling awkward, Remy rose from the bed and walked into the bathroom. "Joe?" he said hesitantly as Joseph brushed his teeth.

"Yah?" Joseph mumbled, mouth filled with toothpaste. As he studied Remy, he noticed the worried alien eyes. //Those eyes never hide the truth. They always reveal the way he feels.// Looking into Remy's eyes was like looking into the Cajun's very soul. It was obvious that something worried Remy.
Joseph spat out the toothpaste and water and cocked his head. "What's wrong?" He'd only been close to Remy for 2 days, but he could read the Cajun's statement easily.

"Uh..." Remy stuttered. "Bed's big enough for bot' of us," he whispered shyly, uncertain how Joseph would react to his invitation.

Joseph gave Remy a long look. Now he knew what was troubling the Cajun. He had to admit that he hadn't known how to bring this up either, so he was relieved Remy had. "What side of the bed do you want?"

Remy sighed relieved. "Closest to de window."

"Works for me." Joseph walked towards the doorway and looked over his shoulder at Remy. "I'm going to get my duffle bag. You can turn in if you want to. Anything you'd like me to bring from the kitchen? Tea? Orange juice?"

"Some water?" Remy sneaked beneath the covers and pulled up the comforter. Turning onto his left side, so he would face Joseph later, he waited for the other man to return. It was the first time that he'd asked someone to share his bed without planning on seducing his bed partner. A serene sense of comfort accompanied Joseph and Remy craved feeling the other mutant close.

Joseph returned a few minutes later, dressed in grey sweats and carrying a glass of water, which he placed on the nightstand at Remy's side of the bed. During these last few minutes he'd been pondering their current situation. Yes, they'd slept close before, but this felt different. Maybe it was because Remy had invited him into his bed. When they'd slept on the couch it had been because Remy had been extremely emotional and in need of reassurance. But things had changed.

Remy seemed in control most of the time and Joseph hoped that the Zoloft would make the Cajun feel better. He pushed back the covers and lay down, facing Remy. Almost instinctively, he wanted to pull Remy close to his chest, but he suppressed that urge.

Eyes locked, they stared at each other. Remy was the first to chuckle softly.

"What is it?" Joseph asked, curiously.

"I never t'ought I'd ever end up in bed wit' y'." Remy smiled warmly. "Wonder what Cyke will t'ink once he remembers dat de boathouse only has 1 bedroom."

Joseph laughed softly. "But the bed is big enough, isn't it?"

Remy briefly closed his eyes and then opened them again. Mon Dieu! This reminded him of the nights when he'd sneaked into Jean-Luc or Henri's room to have some company. He always slept better when someone was close. It felt good to look into Joseph's laughing eyes.

"Do you think you can sleep? The medication that doctor McCoy prescribed doesn't seem to make you drowsy." Joseph snuggled deeper into the comfort of the mattress. Until now, he hadn't realized just how tired he felt. For the past 48 hours he'd almost constantly watched over Remy and when he hadn't, he'd been verbally fighting with Rogue.

"Oui," Remy whispered, sleepily, but he didn't want to fall asleep yet. He wanted to talk to Joseph, watch the man's face, caress those long locks of white hair and lose himself in those marvellous eyes. //Mon Dieu,// he thought, shivering. //I can' fall in love wit' him!// He fought the sudden panic down and closed his eyes. Somehow, he had to increase the emotional distance between them. His infatuation was bound to end in disaster.

"Dormir bien," Remy said, hoping Joseph would fall asleep soon. Keeping his eyes closed, he resolutely turned onto his other side, breaking all contact.

Joseph arched an eyebrow, realizing that Remy was locking him out. Puzzled, he stared at the Cajun's back. Should he say something? Ask Remy why he was shutting him out? But what if Remy just needed some privacy? After all, they had been together almost constantly these past 2 days. He decided not to pressure Remy into talking and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep as well.

///

Some time during the night Remy woke because Joseph was wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him. The other man's lips nuzzled the back of his neck and shivers of delight ran down Remy's spine as Joseph's lips brushed his skin.

Joseph lay spooned behind him and the other mutant had draped one leg possessively over his hip. Joseph was pulling him closer and an impressive erection rubbed possessively against his ass. //Mon Dieu!// Remy bit his lower lip as Joseph's right hand dipped beneath his sweat shirt to stroke his abdomen. //He's havin' an erotic dream!//

Remy managed to stifle the moan that almost escaped his lips. Joseph had started a slow thrusting motion that caused Remy to grow erect as well. Joseph's fingers had now located one nipple and it quickly grew hard beneath the persistent caress. Joseph softly pinched his hard nipple and Remy wantonly moved against the thrusting body behind him.

The arousal in Joseph's mind was hard to lock out and affected him as well. "Mais oui, cher," he whispered, helplessly, as Joseph's arousal washed over him. He tried to strengthen his shields to regain control over his feelings, but Joseph's lust was too strong and he caved in, giving into the other man's caresses.

He wasn't sure he could refuse Joseph, if the man decided to take this further. //Can' do dis!// he thought, on the brink of panicking. //Mais he wants me...// Joseph's hard cock rubbed against his ass, did he need more evidence that the other man wanted him?

"Cher," Remy whispered, as his sensual nature urged him to take what Joseph was offering and to return it tenfold. He pressed closer against Joseph's body, panting slightly as the other man's arousal and lust threatened to overwhelm him. //Take me, cher... fuck me... make me y'rs...//

A part of him knew that Joseph's lust was heavily influencing him, but he didn't want to fight it. It had been too long since someone had made love to him. Steve had just fucked him. There hadn't been any love between them and it was exactly that emotion that Remy craved so badly. "I'm y'rs, cher..."

"Rogue..."

Hearing that name froze his movements and Remy's eyes grew big. Sacre! Joseph was dreaming about Rogue! This wet dream was about her! How the hell could he ever have believed that the man would want him? He grew motionless and his eyes filled with tears. Joseph seemed to calm down as well, but continued to caress Remy's abdomen until the erotic dream had passed.

Feeling immensely hurt, Remy failed to suppress his tears. //Josep' is dreamin' 'bout *her*. How could I ever t'ink dat he would want a traitor? Jus' 'cause he's stayin' here, doesn' mean he wants y', Remy LeBeau! Won' y' ever learn?//

Carefully, Remy freed himself from Joseph's arms and slipped out of bed. He felt wobbly, still reeling from hearing her name like that. //Y're a fool, LeBeau! A fool!//

Remy wrapped his arms around his waist and sobbed silently as he walked over to the stairs. He had to put some distance between them. Joseph had dreamed that he was making love to Rogue while rubbing against him.

"'s not fair!" He sobbed softly as he sluggishly descended the stairs. Tears filled his eyes and hampered his view. In the living room, he immediately headed for the couch and collapsed on it. Joseph had returned the couches to their original position and saddened, Remy remembered the close contact they'd had these past nights.

"He wants Rogue," he whispered brokenly. It shouldn't surprise him. He raised his right hand and wiped away his tears, which was futile as new tears already dripped from his face. "Merde," he choked out. "Shouldn' be dis emotional 'bout a dream. I know dat he wants Rogue, mais..." He'd let himself believe that Joseph might be interested in him, which was madness.

"He's on de rebound," Remy reminded himself. "I should stay 'way from him!" But he needed someone to hold onto, to love him so badly that he'd fooled himself. "Don' want dis any more... de pain... I want to be..."

The gentle tapping of rain disturbed his misery and he pulled himself together to walk over to the window. No thunderstorm accompanied the rain this time and Remy sank down onto the floor next to the window. //Josep' doesn' want me. He wants Rogue! I need to accept dat!// Confused, he wondered when he'd started to want Joseph in that way. Was he trying to get back at Rogue by stealing her ex-lover?

Feeling truly pathetic, Remy pulled up his knees, wrapped his arms around them and began to rock slowly. Tears dripped from his chin and he no longer bothered to wipe them away. He hated his life. He'd always had a hard life, having to fight for the little happiness that he'd been able to find, but since Antarctica his life had been Hell.

"Don' wanna feel dis... don' wanna be 'lone... don' wanna be here..." Remy whispered, lost, and continued to rock. Strengthening his shields to the maximum, he was determined not to let Joseph lure him back again.

///

Several hours later, Joseph woke from a nightmare. Damn, they'd grown less lately and he'd hoped they'd be over with. It looked like he'd been wrong. In his nightmare, he'd been Magneto and had slaughtered the defenseless villains that had threatened Sister Maria. Bathing in cold sweat, he tried to regulate his breathing. Hopefully he hadn't disturbed Remy's sleep.

His heart briefly stopped beating when he realized that he was alone in the bed. The other side was empty. "Fuck!" Joseph had heard others use the word to express great distress or anger and he'd never used it before, but it described exactly how he felt.

His right hand moved over the sheet, which was cold. Remy must have left the bed hours ago. Why hadn't he woken up? Cursing softly, he got out of bed and first checked the bathroom, which turned out empty. Next, he ventured downstairs.

It didn't take him long to make out Remy's rocking form beneath the window. At least Remy was still wearing his sweats, Joseph noticed relieved. That would fight off most of the cold. "Remy? Why did you come here?"

Worried, Joseph sat down beside the Cajun. The rocking motion continued and Joseph found the same empty expression in Remy's eyes which he'd seen there two nights ago and again yesterday morning. "What are you running away from?"

Gently, he folded one arm around Remy's shoulder and tried to stop the rocking motion. Remy immediately gave in, but the blank look in his eyes remained. "Come on, Remy. You know the drill by now. Come back. Don't shut me out." Joseph wondered how many more times he'd have to do this. Hopefully the meds would kick in soon. Remy would probably have to take them for some days before they showed some effect. Would he have to coax Remy back until then?

Shivering, Joseph pulled Remy close. The draft that slipped beneath the window could cause Remy to catch a cold. "Remy, let's sit down on the couch, yes?" He didn't get an answer and Joseph tried again. "You're cold. I don't want you to get ill." But Remy refused to respond.

Joseph opted for action and carefully lifted Remy off the floor and carried him over to the couch where he sat down beside the Cajun. "What's going on with you? Why do you feel that you can't deal with your life? I can only help if you let me."

Joseph's voice penetrated the deep recesses of Remy's mind, but he tried to shut it out. Joseph's voice had urged him to leave this void before and it had only caused him more pain. This time, he was staying!

"Please Remy. I don't want you to lose your grasp on sanity. Please come back to me." Joseph stroked the auburn locks, closed his eyes and concentrated on feeling his fear and sadness. Usually, he locked out these distressing feelings, but now he wanted to feel them. An incredible sadness washed over him and it took Joseph a moment to realize that he was experiencing Remy's sorrow. Did that mean that he'd somehow managed to get through to the Cajun?

Trying harder, Joseph gathered Remy's body close and whispered into the other man's ear, "Come back to me, Remy. I don't want to stay behind alone." Violent tremors suddenly rocked Remy's body and Joseph waited patiently for the Cajun to make up his mind. "I need you here with me."

Remy couldn't fight the pull any longer. Joseph wasn't playing fair! The other man was manipulating him, playing him and he was fool enough to hope that there was some spark of true affection in those words!

Joseph saw how life returned to the alien eyes and sighed relieved. "Stop scaring me like that, Remy," he whispered pleadingly. "What if there comes a time when I can't reach and convince you to come back?"

"Don' pull me back den," Remy whispered in an emotional tone. "Lemme stay dere."

"What are you running away from?" Joseph tried to claim Remy's hand, but the Cajun pulled away. "Or should I ask *whom* are you running away from?" Remy shivered beside him and Joseph had received part of his answer. "Who is it?"

Remy shook his head. It wasn't just one person. It were several, included himself. "Why can' y' lemme be?" But Joseph's body felt warm and he couldn't help snuggling up to the other man. He hated himself for being this weak. He should never have left the void.

"Remy, is it Rogue?" Joseph realized that he was treading on dangerous grounds, but wanted to face this in order to help Remy. Facing his own demons had helped. //But then Rogue was there to help you through it.// And now he would do the same for Remy.

"Rogue," Remy repeated the name absentmindedly. The way Joseph had said her name in bed, when he'd been rubbing against him, echoed in Remy's mind. "Not anymore." Rogue had already judged and punished him. He doubted she had the power to hurt him even more.

Joseph considered Remy's answer. "Who is it then? The other X-Men?" Remy didn't answer and briefly Joseph feared that the Cajun had locked him out again.

"Stormy," Remy said eventually. "She's de leader of de Morlocks. I got her people killed. She'll never forgive me for dat."

Joseph nodded his head. "Who else?"

"Sinister," Remy said in a tone barely audible and flinched violently. Why had he told Joseph that? He should have kept that name a secret. Quickly, to cover up his mistake, he added, "And de Marauders... Sabretooth..." Just remembering the way that those claws had cut through his chest made him tremble. He still bore the scars of that encounter on his body.

"Sinister used you," Joseph reminded Remy. He understood the Cajun's desire to run away and leave the world behind, but he wouldn't allow it. "Anyone else?"

It would have been easy for Remy to say 'non', but he didn't. Instead, he nodded his head. "Oui, one more person."

"Who is it?" This time, Joseph persisted and managed to get hold of Remy's icy cold hand. Why did he feel like the worst was still to come?

"Y'. I'm runnin' 'way from y'," Remy whispered brokenly and turned his face away from Joseph. He didn't want to see the other man's statement right now.

Joseph didn't understand. "But Remy, why do you feel the need to run away from *me*?"

//Cause I'm fallin' in love wit' y',// Remy thought privately and clenched his teeth, forcing himself to keep his feelings a secret. He'd been tempted to tell Joseph, hoping that the other man would be upset and leave, but the truth was that he couldn't survive alone. It didn't matter what he did, he'd always lose.

"Do you want to go back to bed or stay here?" Joseph's worries increased seeing Remy's apathy return. The Cajun seemed to ignore him again. He'd realized by now that he could only get through to Remy when he touched him, sent him his feelings or softly spoke to him. He decided to use all three methods.

Joseph rubbed Remy's knuckles, focused on the concern that he felt for the Cajun and said, "Come back to bed with me."

Those words almost made Remy leap off the couch. He couldn't believe Joseph had said that! //Get y'r mind out of de gutter, LeBeau. He's talkin' 'bout goin' back to sleep. It's not like he wants to make love to y'!//

"Why don't you go upstairs already? In the meantime I'll try to find that CD you mentioned, remember? The one with the sounds of rain and thunder on it?"

Remy nodded his head. "It's called 'Mot'er Nature'... should be near de stereo." He didn't want to get up, but Joseph was already pulling him to his feet. Head bowed, he made his way over to the stairs. "Mebbe I should sleep on de couch... 'lone," he whispered softly.

"No," Joseph replied resolved. "I had a nightmare just now." Pleased, he noticed the sudden concern in Remy's eyes when the Cajun finally locked eyes with him. "Your presence keeps them away. I'd like you to stay close..."

"Y' had a nightmare?" Remy didn't want to grow worried. He wanted to sink into the depths of his mind and not worry about Joseph! "What was it 'bout?" Merde, distancing himself from Joseph wouldn't work. He cared too much about the man.

"I killed the men who threatened Sister Maria all over again," Joseph replied honestly, feeling shy.

"I'm sorry," Remy whispered and averted his eyes. "Know how it feels, homme."

"Yes, I know you *think* you do." Joseph quickly located the CD and walked over to Remy. "You didn't kill the Morlocks. When will that get through to you?"

"Never," Remy whispered, feeling miserable as he ascended the stairs. Joseph was only a few steps behind him. //Shouldn' do dis. Should have gone to sleep on de couch. Dis will complicate t'ings...//

They entered the bedroom and while Remy headed for the bed, Joseph inserted the disk into the CD player. The soft tapping of rain and distant roars of thunder flowed through the bedroom. "I like it," Joseph stated and joined Remy in bed. He noticed that Remy stuck to his side of the bed. "Why are you suddenly keeping your distance? Do I make you uncomfortable?"

Remy was on his back, staring at the ceiling. He didn't want to hurt Joseph's feelings, but the memories of what had happened only hours ago still hurt. //He called out her name!// Why was he surprised? Of course Joseph was still in love with her!

"Un petit peu," he admitted eventually. "Mais it ain' y'. It's me."

"I'll stay on my side of the bed if that makes you feel more comfortable," Joseph offered at once, but secretly he wanted to hug Remy close.

"Don' worry 'bout it, homme," Remy said and rolled onto his side, turning his back towards Joseph. He grew quiet after that and thankfully Joseph didn't question him any further. Biting down his tears, he closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

Joseph stared at Remy's back. His instincts told him that the Cajun was still awake, but deliberately cutting off contact. Why? What had happened to cause such a change? Why was Remy keeping him at a distance now? Only yesterday the Cajun had asked to be held. Joseph intended to find the answers to those questions.

///

The next morning found Remy in the kitchen preparing breakfast. He'd been unable to sleep during the rest of the night and had gotten up early. Joseph however, was still soundly asleep. Maybe it had something to do with the protective feelings that he'd wrapped around Joseph's mind when the nightmares had returned.

Making bacon and eggs, Remy stared at the vial that stood on the kitchen table. He should take one of the prescribed pills, but what difference would it make? The medication wouldn't change his life for the better. Even if he conquered this depression, he would still be alone and unwanted, a traitor.
While carrying breakfast over to the kitchen table, he ignored the vial and then switched on the coffee maker. It was going to be a long day. Hopefully, Joseph wouldn't stay close all the time. Hearing him whisper Rogue's name last night had opened his eyes. The other mutant only stayed because he pitied the Cajun.

//Dat ain' true!// Remy's conscience chided him. //And y' know it!//

Remy shook his head. "I'm readin' his feelings wrong. I'm new at dis." As he headed upstairs, he mentally prepared himself to act casually once Joseph woke up. He walked into the bedroom and stared at the other man, who was clutching Remy's pillow tightly. Somehow it looked... adorable.

//Non!// Remy stopped his line of thought. //He might not be wit' Rogue now, mais he wants her and will be wit' her 'gain! Y're not'in' but a charity case!//

Joseph somehow sensed that he was being watched, and as he rolled over onto his back, he opened his eyes. "Morning," he said, smiling weakly. He yawned and stretched his body. "You're up early."

"Was hungry," Remy lied. "Breakfast's ready. Are y' comin' downstairs?"

"Just gimme 5 minutes to grab a quick shower," Joseph replied and rose from the bed. He rubbed his sleep filled eyes and shook his head. "I'm still tired." Watching over Remy was a fulltime job and he'd missed some hours of sleep last night.

"Bien," Remy said and returned to the living room. He poured himself some coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, staring into the black liquid.

Joseph found him that way and briefly, he was afraid that Remy had pulled back into his mind. "Remy?" he said, stirring the Cajun from his musings.

"Sit down," Remy instructed and got bacon and eggs, coffee, orange juice and put them on the table. "I 'ready ate," he explained, feeding Joseph another lie. All he'd managed to keep down was the coffee. Just looking at the food made him nauseous.

"I doubt that," Joseph said, opting for the truth. "And you didn't take your pill either." Looking deeply into the red on black eyes he caught the listlessness in them. He opened the vial and placed one pill in the palm of Remy's hand. Then, he pushed his glass of OJ over to the Cajun. "Swallow it."

After shrugging his shoulders, Remy did. Then he stared at his idle hands again. "What are y' goin' to do today?" He hoped that the other mutant would leave for the mansion and stay there all day.

"We should get our bikes back. We left them at the nightclub." Joseph waited for Remy's reaction. Remy flinched visibly and Joseph sighed. "I can go alone if you don't want to come along."

"Non, 's okay." Remy fumbled with his sleeve. They'd never really talked about why he'd gone to the nightclub. He had hinted at it, but in the end he'd shied away from the topic.

Joseph was thinking something similar. "Do you often go to such clubs?" he asked between bites. He wanted to act casually, not prying or overly concerned.

"Before I got toget'er wit' Rogue I did... and after she dumped me," Remy admitted in the end.

"And you always let them hurt you?" Joseph placed his sandwich back onto the plate and studied Remy, hoping the other man would finally meet his eyes.

"Usually it ain' 'bout lettin' dem hurt me," Remy tried to explain. "It's 'bout givin' dem control."

Joseph leaned in closer. "Why would you want to give up control?"

Remy laughed embittered. "Homme, my life's a mess. I screw up everyt'in' and always when I t'ink dat t'ings can' get worse, dey do."

"That's not true," Joseph replied indignantly. "But sometimes things are... out of your control," he realized. Remy couldn't control the way people around him reacted.

"By givin' control to someone else, I... get to rest," Remy tried to explain. "I'm so tired of screwin' up. When someone else tells me what to do dey assume responsibility for my actions." Remy felt that he hadn't explained it properly, but it was the first time that he tried to tell someone why he went to these clubs. "Life's a bitch, non?"

Joseph gauged Remy's current state of mind and said, "Would you like to hand over control to me?" He was curious to learn the answer.

Remy shivered. "Oui, I'd like dat, mais I can' do it." He felt tormented by the fact that everything he wanted was so close and yet so impossibly far away. Joseph couldn't start a relationship with him while his heart still belonged to Rogue.

Joseph raised a puzzled eyebrow. "Why can't you?"

Remy took a deep breath before answering Joseph. "Cause y' don' love me," he whispered and rose from his chair. "I'm goin' to take a shower. After I get dressed we can go get our bikes." As he left the kitchen area, his heart beat madly.

//But Steve didn't love you either.// Joseph watched Remy's back until the Cajun had climbed the stairs. Remy's answer had made him think. Did Remy want Joseph to love him? Joseph chuckled softly. He was already falling for the Cajun thief, although he wasn't ready to fully admit that yet.

But something else worried him as well. Apparently, Remy was still looking for someone who would take over control. //I couldn't do that. Not the way he wants me too. Not in every day life. Maybe in bed, should we ever get intimate...// Joseph stopped this particular line of thought. Was he actually considering... no hoping, that they would end up in bed? Being lovers?

//That can never happen,// Joseph thought determinedly. The fact that Remy was a man didn't hold him back. It was the fact that they'd both loved the same woman, maybe still did. //Remy and I will never be lovers!// Joseph reminded himself and got to his feet. He needed to change out of the sweats and into some clean clothes.

///

When Joseph reached the bedroom, he heard that the shower was still on and he decided to get dressed quickly. He didn't want Remy to walk in on him while he was naked. Joseph quickly changed into some jeans, //which Rogue bought for me,// and a white shirt. He slipped on his socks and boots and went in search of his coat. Just when he was about to leave the bedroom, Remy exited the bathroom.

//Dear God!// Joseph thought, confused. He'd seen Remy naked the night he'd taken care of the Cajun's injuries, but this was different. Small droplets of water still clung possessively to the delicate skin. A few scars marred the smooth skin, but didn't diminish Remy's beauty. The Cajun had slung a towel around his narrow hips and that was it! The long legs seemed to never end and Joseph groaned privately seeing the hard nipples.

//Fuck!// Joseph thought again, quickly becoming very fond of that particular word. As his eyes travelled up Remy's body, he halted when he reached the delicate features. Damp hair framed the handsome face and the eyes burned.

Remy watched Joseph in return and managed to lock out the other man's emotions. He didn't want to know what Joseph was feeling. It would only get his hopes up and he already knew that Joseph craved being with Rogue.

Ignoring Joseph for now, he walked over to his duffle bag and found the jeans and black sweater he was looking for. He dropped the towel onto the floor and stepped into his briefs.

Joseph gasped, seeing the tight ass and covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stop the moan from leaving his lips. When Remy bent over to step into the briefs, Joseph's cock grew rock hard within seconds. "I'll wait for you outside," he said quickly and fled the room. His hard-on tormented him every step of the way, almost demanding he returned to the bedroom to lay Remy down on the bed and take him.

Joseph slammed the front door shut behind him and stood shaking. He tried to fight his body into submission, but his erection refused to go away that quickly. Embarrassed, he pulled on his coat, thankful that it would hide his arousal. Now he had to wait for Remy to join him so they could collect their bikes. It was going to be a hard day!

///

Remy joined Joseph a few minutes later. Joseph's heart went into overdrive when he noticed the *tight* jeans the Cajun was wearing. //Great!// he thought slightly sarcastic. //I just managed to get rid of my erection and now he's wearing *that*!//

Remy gave Joseph a puzzled look. Why was Joseph acting this strange? The man's eyes almost seemed to pop out of their sockets and why had Joseph buttoned up his coat? It wasn't that cold! "How are we goin' to collect de bikes?" Remy asked, thoughtfully. "I didn' know y' had y'r own bike."

"I burrowed Scott's," Joseph choked out as his hormones kicked in. He almost licked his lips; thinking of how good Remy had felt when he'd lain spooned behind the Cajun. Realizing what was happening, Joseph composed himself again. He couldn't be lusting after Remy LeBeau!

//Why not?// that little, irritating voice in the back of his head questioned. //He's got great looks, cares about you and feels just right in your arms. Better than Rogue ever did.//

Privately, Joseph cursed that voice to Hell and then remembered Remy's question. "I planned on using my magnetic powers to take us to the nightclub. We can ride the bikes back if you'd like that."

"Flyin'?" Remy considered the option. He loved to fly. Storm used to take his hand and let the winds carry him, but she would never do that again. He'd lost that privilege. "Kay," Remy gave in.

Joseph reached out to bury Remy's hand in his. He didn't need the physical contact, but was taking advantage of the situation to touch the Cajun.

Hesitantly, Remy offered Joseph his hand and the next thing he knew, his feet lost all contact with the earth. This felt completely different from flying with Storm. There was no wind that carried him. Instead, he felt surrounded by... by what? A protective shell; something surrounded his entire body, erecting some sort of barrier. As they gained height, he sought out Joseph's eyes. "Must feel great to be able to fly, homme."

But Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "It feels natural to me." He clasped his fingers tightly around Remy's, unwilling to let go again. "It'll take us 20 minutes."

Remy nodded his head and decided to enjoy the ride.

///

"Can' believe dey're still here," Remy said relieved as they located the bikes. "Someone could have stolen dem."

Joseph sat down and kick-started his bike. "Let's take them home. I don't want Scott to go into hysterics because his bike's missing."

Remy grinned and started his bike as well. "Oui, Cyke has a habit of overreactin'."

Joseph grew quiet. It was he first time that the saw a genuine smile on Remy's face and suddenly he was no longer in a hurry to get home. "Want to stop for coffee somewhere?"

"Mais oui," Remy replied, cheerfully, wondering where his dark and gloomy feelings had gone. "I know a place dat serves great coffee... and ice cream," he recalled. He'd taken Jubilee there on her last birthday.

"Ice cream?" Joseph had overheard Jean and Jubilee once when they'd been eating ice cream in the kitchen and they'd sounded ecstatic. He'd been dying to find out what this ice cream was all about and after the two women had left he'd searched the fridge, but hadn't found any. If he'd eaten it before, he didn't remember.

"Y' wanna go for some ice cream?" Remy asked, surprised. It had been some time since he'd indulged himself that way. "Will take y' dere," he promised. "Follow me!" he called out, as he steered the bike away from the nightclub. He wanted to forget about Steve as quickly as possible.

///

Remy grinned diabolically, seeing Joseph's entranced statement. "Dat's chocolate ice cream, mon ami."

"It's..." Joseph swallowed the delicious substance and looked Remy in the eyes.

"Breat'e, Joe!" Remy remarked teasingly, seeing Joseph's dilated pupils.

"What did Jean call it? Wow?"

Remy laughed warmly. They were sitting on the terrace and Joseph stared in open admiration at the bowl, filled with ice cream. The waitress had filled it with chocolate, strawberry, banana, melon and lemon flavored ice cream, topped it with whipped cream and warm chocolate sauce. "Dat's a good way to describe it."

Joseph's spoon dove back into the ice cream. Suddenly, he felt melancholy. "I wish I could remember... did I like ice cream before?" He wished he had his memories back.

Remy sensed the sudden regret and sadness. "Y' like it now, don' y'? Life can be over wit' in seconds. Y' should try to make de best of de present." Remy couldn't believe he'd said that. Who was he to offer such advice? He was doing his best to make his own life hell.

"You're right," Joseph replied and pushed the brooding feelings into the back of his mind. He brought another spoonful of ice cream to his lips and let it slowly slide inside. "Wow," he repeated again and quavered as his toes curled. He loved the whipped cream.

Remy smiled again. Right now, Joseph looked happy and the other man's ecstatic feelings were seeping through his shields. "I'm glad y' like de ice cream, cher." His breath caught. He should never have added that last word. Hopefully, Joseph didn't know its meaning.

"Cher?" Joseph closed his eyes as he licked his spoon. "What does cher mean?" His knowledge of French was very limited.

"Friend," Remy said, telling Joseph a white lie. Leaning back, he felt grateful that Joseph didn't know what he'd just been called. Growing quiet, he simply enjoyed watching Joseph finish his ice cream.

 

Chapter Five

"Are you going to finish that or...?" Giving Remy a hopeful look, Joseph licked his lips. There was still some ice cream left in the Cajun's bowl. Remy's smile warmed his heart. These last few days had been depressing and gloomy, but Remy's eyes sparkled now and he couldn't get enough of that sight.

"Y're goin' to have a stomach ache, homme." Since the slip of his tongue, Remy was more alert. He couldn't call Joseph 'cher' again. What if the other man didn't trust his explanation and looked the word up? Well, he could always say that he'd never intended to call Joseph that, but... would the other mutant believe him? Did it matter? No, it didn't, because Joseph was only interested in Rogue.

"Well? Can I have it?" Joseph wondered what he had to do to convince Remy to hand over the ice cream.

"Knock y'rself out, Joe," Remy said teasingly and pushed his bowl away from him. Amused, he watched Joseph attack it. "Y'll be spendin' a lot of time in de bathroom later," he warned the other mutant.

But Joseph honestly didn't care. "Can someone become addicted to ice cream?" he wondered out loud.

"In y'r case? Oui." Remy chuckled. He waited until Joseph had finished and then asked, "Wanna head back?"

"In a moment." Joseph's eyes grew big as his stomach convulsed.

"Bathroom is over dere, mon ami." Remy pointed him in the right direction when Joseph made a run for it. "Will teach y' not to eat too much ice cream!" Remy laughed warmly and slapped his knees. Mon Dieu, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this great, this warm inside!

When Joseph returned to their table several minutes later, he looked a little pale. "Next time... don't give me your leftovers." Joseph sat down, and kept one arm wrapped around his stomach. "Can we just sit here a little longer?"

"Mais oui, Joe."

The dazzling smile that Remy gave him, made Joseph sigh. "You're feeling better."

"Oui," Remy admitted at once and stretched his legs. //I feel better 'cause y'r still 'round,// but he couldn't say that out loud. Closing his eyes, he relished feeling the warm sun beams that caressed his face.

"Want to catch a movie later?" Joseph suddenly suggested. He'd been thinking about his next move all day and going to the movies was all he'd been able to come up with. Rogue had told him that he should make an effort to be more romantic, but Joseph had looked at her helplessly. What romantic stuff were couples supposed to do? She could at least have given him a clue!

Remy's eyes flashed open behind the sunglasses. "A movie?"

"We can rent a vid or go to the movies," Joseph suggested, suddenly afraid that he'd made a major mistake. But he wanted to get to know Remy better, wanted to show him that life could be good. Joseph desperately wanted to take away the guilt that always lurked in the depths of those hypnotic red on black eyes.

"Movies would be cool," Remy replied, confused. "Mais shouldn' y' be at de mansion instead of stayin' wi' me?"

"I would only run into Rogue." Joseph smiled apologetically.

"Bien, you pick de movie." Remy was surprised to see a rising panic in Joseph's eyes. "Joe?"

"I don't know much about picking movies," he admitted. Rogue always chose the movie they'd watch. "Could you pick it?"

"Why don' we pick it toget'er?" Remy suggested smugly. He distinctly noticed the relief that showed in Joseph's eyes. Remy grabbed a newspaper from another table, which had been left behind, and quickly scanned the listing of movie theatres. In the end, he tapped his finger on one ad at the bottom of the page. It was a small theatre and they didn't show the newest releases but... "I always wanted to see 'Interview wit' de vampire'... whadda y' think?"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "What's the movie about?"

Remy sighed dramatically. "Oh, homme, where should I start?"

///

As the crowd left the movie theatre, Remy realized that Joseph had been quiet for some time now. "Somet'in' wrong? Did I pick de wrong movie? Y' should have stopped me, say dat y' didn' like..."

"Remy?" Joseph cut the Cajun short. "Can we talk?"

"Mais oui," Remy replied, thoughtfully. Had something upset Joseph? Luckily, the other people were heading home or into the bars. "Wanna go for a drink?"

"Later perhaps," Joseph said slowly. "Can we just walk for some time?"

Remy nodded his head and peeked at the other man. Growing apprehensive, he wondered what he'd done wrong. Joseph had seemed enthusiastic when they'd agreed on the movie earlier, so what had happened? As they walked down the busy street, Remy waited for Joseph to tell him what was wrong. //Mon Dieu! What if he decided to move back to de mansion?// Joseph had been there briefly to pick up food items and clean clothes earlier today.

"Lestat and Louis... they were lovers in that movie, weren't they?" Joseph started hesitantly. He tried to ignore the other people's voices that echoed in the street.

"Oui, dey were," Remy said, surprised. What was Joseph trying to say? He didn't want to jump to conclusions and waited patiently. He fell into step beside Joseph and buried his hands deep in his pockets. Hesitant to seek out Joseph's eyes, he stared at the pavement.

"How do you feel about... about 2 men being lovers?" Joseph blurted out.

Remy involuntarily held his breath. "'s just fine, Joe. Y' can be attracted to de same sex." What were Joseph's intentions? Why bring this up? "Y' 'kay wit' dat too?"

"I think so," Joseph whispered and tried to catch Remy's gaze, but those alien eyes eluded him. He was afraid to ask his next question, but if he wanted to know where they stood he had to know. Sometime during the movie he'd realized that he wanted the Cajun, but the timing was bad and he wanted to take this slow. He had to know whether the feelings were mutual.

"Whadda y' wanna know?" Remy asked softly when they reached an almost empty bar. He signalled Joseph to follow him inside and he chose a table at the back of the establishment.

Joseph sat down and observed Remy closely. Did the Cajun know what was going on in his mind? During the latter part of the movie he'd only been able to think about Remy. "You like men in that way?" he choked out eventually.

Remy nodded his head. He had no idea why Joseph wanted to know that, but he wouldn't lie to the other man. "Oui, I've had male lovers."

"What about guys like Steve?" Joseph asked, surprising himself when he asked that question. Yes, he'd been wondering what attracted Remy to men like Steve, but hadn't planned on asking the Cajun.

Remy had the grace to blush. Right then the waitress dropped by, buying him a little more time before he had to answer Joseph. Remy ordered two beers.

Impatiently, Joseph waited for the waitress to leave. "Well?" he asked, once she'd disappeared from sight.

"'s complicated, Joe."

"I'm not going anywhere," Joseph pointed out to Remy. "You like women too?"

"Oui, I'm bi," Remy admitted and sighed deeply. He'd never thought he'd ever have this conversation with Joseph. "'s nice to be on top wit' de ladies... mais I like men as well." He grew silent when the waitress brought their drinks. He gave her a good tip and after she'd left, he continued. "It's also nice to be on de bottom."

"Remy?" Joseph suddenly felt shy, hoping that Remy would give him direct answers and not beat around the bush.

"I love feelin' someone inside me. Makes me feel like I'm part of dem. Most of de time I feel so 'lone." Remy sipped his beer and kept his eyes on the drink. "When I lived at de Moulin Rouge I realized dat sex could be great, as long as de people involved were willin' participants. I never slept 'round much," he added, shrugging his shoulders. "Picked my lovers carefully. Steve was...an exception. I don' usually pick dem up at nightclubs, mais sometimes I just want to be fucked..." Why was this admission so hard? He'd never before felt ashamed of his desires.

Joseph listened carefully. "I always wanted to ask this, but the professor didn't seem the right person to put the question to, but... do you think there's a difference between fucking and making love?"

"Why do y' wanna know?" Remy now finally felt confident enough to make eye contact with Joseph. Surprised, he noticed that only curiosity and sincerity shone back from those steel blue eyes.

Slowly, Remy nodded his head. "I only made love wit' one person..." That had been with Belle. "Love's hard to find, mon ami."

Joseph felt inwardly torn. Could, no should, he confide in Remy? "It's Rogue, you know," he said after reaching a decision. "When we had sex I felt like she was using me..."

"Why do y' say dat?" Remy arched an eyebrow.

"Did you ever have sex with her?" Joseph blurted out.

"Non, never," Remy replied honestly and he didn't feel any regrets. Looking back in retrospect, he was glad that they'd never taken that step. That way, it hadn't hurt that bad when she'd dumped him. //Mais it still hurts!//

Joseph looked away. "She would tell me what to do and how to do it and... sometimes I couldn't... you, know, perform..."

Remy wrung his hands beneath the table, hidden from Joseph's sight. "Why are we talkin' 'bout dis?" He wanted to change their topic.

"I don't remember making love to someone, Remy. With Rogue, everything felt engineered, not real. What does it feel like to make love?"

"Y' shouldn' ask me," Remy said, embarrassed.

"Remy?" Joseph raised his hand and cupped Remy's chin in the palm of his hand. "Look at me?"

Reluctantly, Remy raised his eyes. Where was this headed? He felt helpless and the situation was out of his control.

"I'm attracted to you," Joseph admitted in a heavy tone.

"Non, y'r not," Remy said resolved.

"How can you be so sure?" Flabbergasted, Joseph maintained the eye-contact.

"Last night y' had an erotic dream 'bout Rogue," Remy whispered, feeling guilty and embarrassed. "Y' still love her."

Suddenly, Joseph understood what had driven Remy out of their bed last night. "I don't remember having an erotic dream about Rogue," he said cautiously and when Remy tried to protest, Joseph placed one finger against the Cajun's lips. "I had an erotic dream about you and Rogue was trying to keep us apart. I wanted her to move out of my way so I could get to you."

Remy's heart leaped in his chest, but he couldn't allow himself to believe that Joseph was speaking the truth. "Listen, homme. We're on de rebound. Rogue dumped me and y' no longer felt comfortable bein' wit' her. We bot' want attention and to be reassured dat we're still wanted. Y' would have fallen for anyone who had paid y' any attention..." he hated doing this to Joseph, but it was the truth.

Joseph tightened his hold on Remy's chin and pulled the Cajun a little closer so he could whisper into the other man's ear. "You're the empath. How can you deny the truth? We've felt it all along. Last night, when you thought that I was dreaming about Rogue, you felt jealous."

The determination in Joseph's voice made Remy shiver. "Not jealous," he whispered, somewhat shocked that Joseph was taking the initiative like this.

"You felt sad..." Joseph realized and moved his hand to the back of Remy's neck, holding the Cajun tightly in place. Judging from the look on Remy's face, the Cajun was ready to bolt. "You *are* running away from me," he realized with a start. "You're in denial." Moving a little closer, he caught Remy's eyes. "Why?"

"Y' can' love me... soon, you'll realize y' wanna be wit' Rogue. Y' broke off wit' her only days ago!" His voice carried a desperate tone. He considered breaking free, but he loved the feel of Joseph's strong fingers against his neck.

"Kiss me," Joseph ordered. "Kiss me, Remy and convince yourself that what I feel for you is real."

"I can' do dat," Remy whispered brokenly. If he did, the illusion would shatter.

Joseph acted at once, fed up with Remy's denial. He tangled his fingers in the auburn hair and pulled Remy in for a kiss. //I never kissed a man before!// Joseph was trying hard to keep his nervousness under control. As his lips brushed Remy's, he startled at the feeling of electricity that seemed to pass between them. Hungrily, his tongue pushed against Remy's teeth, hoping the Cajun would let him in.

Remy could only stare helplessly into Joseph's eyes. //He's kissin' me!// Joseph used the hold on his neck to bring him in closer and he moaned deliriously as Joseph's tongue demanded entrance. Unable to stop himself, he parted his teeth. Yes, Joseph was right. His empathy easily picked up on Joseph's feelings, which were directed at him.

The moan that fled Remy's lips caused Joseph to grow erect within seconds. Exploring every warm inch of that delightful mouth, Joseph maintained eye-contact the entire time. When he finally broke the kiss it was because they needed oxygen.

The stunned expression in Remy's eyes made Joseph slow down, but he didn't release the hold he had on the Cajun's neck. "This is new to me, Remy. At least I think it is." Struggling to find the right words, he said, "I don't remember being with a man... sexually."

Speechless, Remy could only nod his head. Joseph had completely taken him by surprise. Joseph's eyes had turned deep blue and Remy swallowed hard, feeling the arousal in the other man's mind. //He wants me,// Remy realized confused. He'd tried so hard to convince himself that Joseph wasn't interested in him that he'd started to believe his own lies.

Joseph wondered what to do next. It didn't look like Remy was going to take control of the situation, so the next move was up to him. "What do you want to do, Remy?"

Remy squirmed a little. He'd grown hard during their kissing and wanted to leave this place and have Joseph all to himself. "Let's go home?" When had the boathouse become home?

"Good idea," Joseph agreed and got to his feet. He let go of the Cajun's neck and now stared openly at Remy's dilated pupils and then let his eyes drift lower. Thanks to those tight jeans Remy was wearing he saw an impressive erection straining against the fabric. Yes, the attraction was obviously mutual. He allowed Remy to lead him out of the bar and when they hit the street, he looked about.

They walked back to where they had parked Remy's bike and Joseph determinedly claimed Remy's hand. "I never wanted anyone as bad as I want you," he whispered and wrapped an arm around Remy's waist.

The Cajun rested his back against Joseph's chest. "Cher..." he whispered helplessly, feeling Joseph's hard cock against his ass.

"No, not here, not like this," Joseph said firmly. "Take us home," he instructed and got behind Remy onto the bike. After Remy kick-started it, they slowly left this part of town behind them.

Joseph kept his arm around Remy's waist and suddenly grew aware of the fact that his erection rested perfectly against the Cajun's ass. With his other hand, he rubbed Remy's cock through the jeans. "Why do I want you so badly?"

"De empat'y," Remy whispered and fought the urge to press his ass closer to Joseph's groin. "Y' feel my desire and I feel y'rs... magnifies our feelings..." He hadn't counted on that side effect, had never considered it might happen. They were feeding off on each other's desires.

Joseph didn't know if he should feel shocked by his sudden craving to curl his fingers around Remy's cock and to make him come. The empathy was making it difficult for him to control his needs. "I want to take this slow, Remy."

"Don' know if we can, cher... only if y' calm down." Remy gasped as Joseph's finger undid the top button of his jeans. "Oh, cher," he whispered, as Joseph's fingers caressed his skin. "Y're distractin' me," he warned the other man. Although there was hardly any traffic, he wanted to stay focused on the road.

Joseph understood and pulled back his hand. "We'll wait until we're home."

"Oui." But Remy couldn't suppress a moan, filled with disappointment now that Joseph's fingers were no longer caressing his abdomen.

Joseph was struck by the passion he felt for the Cajun. He couldn't help compare it to being with Rogue. //This feels a lot better,// though he couldn't pinpoint the difference yet. He was definitely looking forward to continuing this sensual exploration.

Remy quivered as Joseph pressed closer. //Mon Dieu... he's still hard!// When they'd left to see the movie, he'd never thought that watching Lestat and Louis would urge Joseph to admit to having feelings for him. //I would never have taken dat first step.// He would have been too afraid that Joseph would think he was only using the other mutant.

A loud bang behind them made Remy step on the brakes and turn the bike around. "Cher, what happened?"

Joseph immediately took in the situation. A car had gotten off the road and had crashed into a tree. "Maybe we can help!" Using his magnetic powers he flew over to the crash site. He was just in time to drag a little girl from the burning car and when he wanted to go back to get the mother out as well, the car exploded.

Remy ran over to the little girl. The poor child couldn't be older than 6 and he could tell that she wasn't breathing.

"They weren't wearing seatbelts!" Joseph quickly joined Remy, who now kneeled beside the girl's body. "Is there anything we can do?"

Reaching out empathically, Remy tried to find an echo of the girl's mind. Maybe, if it was still there, they might be able to resuscitate her. Cradling her body in his arms, Remy cringed. He no longer felt her mind. "She's dead," he sobbed softly, slowly rocking the girl's body in his arms. "She's dead... too young."

Concerned, Joseph watched Remy, wondering what impact this would have on the empath. "They didn't stand a chance," he said softly. Joseph looked up when other people pulled over to help. He heard one man call 911 and ask for an ambulance.

"Remy? We should go now. There's nothing we can do." But Remy continued to clutch the girl's corpse in his arms. "Remy, let her go."

Remy held her close. Oh, he remembered how it felt to die... //Don' lemme remember...don' wanna remember!//

"Remy? Listen to me!"

Joseph's voice finally penetrated Remy's mind and he looked at the other man. "She's dead," he whispered, lost.

"I know that," Joseph said reassuringly. "Give her to me." He managed to pry the girl's body from Remy's hands and put her gently down on his coat, which he'd draped over the hard concrete. The paramedics had arrived and were approaching quickly.

Joseph pulled Remy to his feet and guided him away from the crash site. "Remy? Look at me?"

Remy locked eyes with Joseph. "She's dead..."

"I'm going to take you home." Remy seemed to be in some sort of shock. Joseph briefly considered using the bike to get home, but then dismissed that idea. Remy had let go of the bike to help the girl and it had crashed into the street lighting. He could take care of that later. Remy came first.

After tightly wrapping his arms around Remy, Joseph used his powers to take to the sky. He figured it would take 15 minutes to get back to the boathouse. Remy shook in his arms and Joseph wished they were already home.

///

Joseph had absolutely no idea why Remy was reacting in this way. The Cajun sat in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. Joseph had wrapped the quilt around Remy's shoulders and now sat down beside him. One look at the red on black eyes told him that Remy hadn't retreated into his mind... yet, and he wouldn't allow it!

"Remy?" Joseph started, "Talk to me?" He figured that holding the dead body in his arms had triggered some responses on Remy's part, as the empath had been badly affected. But why was it this bad? Why was Remy reacting in this way? "What's going on?"

They'd shared a perfect day, had admitted they had feelings for each other, had even started making out and then the accident had happened, which had understandably killed the mood. Joseph folded one arm around Remy's shoulders and pulled the Cajun close. Remy rested his head on Joseph's shoulder and the two men remained quiet a few minutes longer.

"Did you feel something that upset you?" Joseph ventured eventually. He needed to hear Remy's voice to reassure himself.

"I felt rien... not'in'," Remy stuttered, soaking up Joseph's closeness and warmth like a sponge. "Only moments ago she was 'live, had... a mind, a soul," Remy wasn't sure how to phrase this. "It feels awful to hold a body in y'r arms...when it's empty," Remy sobbed and was powerless to stop the tears from flowing down his face. "Brought back memories." Remy bit his lower lip after making that last admission. He wanted to confide in Joseph, but could he? They hadn't known each other for that long and what if Joseph decided he didn't want to be with him after all?

Joseph involuntarily held his breath. "Memories?" Had Remy felt someone die once or was this about something else? Joseph raised his hand and softly caressed Remy's face. Tears filled the Cajun's eyes. He sensed Remy's reluctance to talk to him about this. There was only one thing he could do. "Remy," Joseph started, "I know this is hard on you. Let me assure you that nothing you'll tell me will leave this room. I won't pry, won't push you, but you can tell me what's hurting you. I'm here for you." He couldn't remember reaching out in this way to Rogue. She'd always been strong, never showing a crack in her armor and he realized how much he loved being there to support Remy. It made him feel wanted and special.

Remy cuddled closer, feeling Joseph's sincerity, but he wasn't sure he could do this. It was one of his best kept secrets. "Cher?" Remy rested his right hand against Joseph's face and searched the determined eyes. "Y' got 'nough problems wit'out havin' to deal wit' mine. Are y' sure y' want to hear dis? Ain' pretty what I've got to tell y'."

"Please tell me," Joseph whispered and gently brushed Remy's lips with his fingertips.

Remy sighed deeply and surrendered. "I died on de ice."

"What?" Stunned, Joseph tried to grasp the enormity of Remy's words. "You...?"

"I died in Antarctica," Remy whispered and averted his eyes. His body began to shake violently and the tears suddenly stopped. "Never told anyone before," he said in a tiny tone.

"Oh Remy!" Shocked, Joseph stared at Remy and saw the never ending pain in his eyes. Instinctively, he pulled Remy onto his lap and hugged him as tightly as he could without cutting off the Cajun's air supply. He rocked Remy slowly and stroked the other man's back soothingly. "I can't imagine what you've been through," he said in the end and just held Remy close.

Remy wanted to say something, but his voice failed him. He clung to Joseph and let himself be rocked. Had he ever felt this close to someone else before? Jean-Luc and Henri loved him, yes, had soothed him when he'd been little, but Joseph's love and concern was overwhelming. //L'amour? He loves me?// Too many revelations had occurred in too short a time.

Joseph felt inwardly torn. He'd promised not to pry, but... "But you came back."

Remy looked at Joseph and nodded his head. As Joseph wiped away his tears, Remy closed his eyes, relishing feeling the other man's fingers on his face. Suddenly, he wanted to tell Joseph everything, every dark secret he was hiding, but he knew that the other mutant would turn away from him if Joseph learned the entire truth.

But did he want to build a relationship based on lies? Remy shivered in Joseph's arms. Maybe he should make a start by talking about his fears. What if he revealed one secret to find out Joseph's reaction? If Joseph turned his back on him after learning who had brought him back to life, Remy would know that their love could never be. "He brought me back."

Joseph managed to capture Remy's swimming eyes with his. "Who did?" Beneath his hands, he felt how Remy's body was tormented by tremors.

Remy licked his lips, averted his eyes and pushed himself away from Joseph before the other man would have a chance to shove him aside. "Sinister."

Joseph's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "Sinister rescued you?"

Remy sat back, increasing the distance between them and mentally he tried to prepare himself for Joseph's rejection. "After Rogue left, I tried to survive, but de base had shut down. De system had short-circuited and de cold was penetratin' de fortress." Remy pulled the quilt closer around his body.

"I've always been a fighter, Joe," he continued. "I cherish my life, no matter how rotten it is. I didn' wanna die." Remy closed his eyes, remembering those awful days. "I don' know how long I walked to stay warm. Even managed to change the speed of de molecules so dey'd keep me warm, mais I also needed water and food. I ate snow and got sick."

Dumbstruck, Joseph waited for Remy to continue. Some of the empathy was leaking and he felt a tiny part of Remy's fear and guilt. He desperately wanted to gather the Cajun into his arms, but something kept him back. Remy had to get this out of his system first.

"In de end, I couldn' move any longer. Alt'ough I didn' want to give up, I just did. I felt so lonely, so cold, so hungry... I sat down and let de cold take over."

"And you died," Joseph whispered, feeling Remy's pain like it was his own.

"I closed my eyes and felt my body shut down. I was scared," Remy admitted as he locked eyes with Joseph. "So scared to die. I didn' know what I was hopin' for, mebbe oblivion, mebbe a kind God who'd forgive me, mebbe I'd end up in Hell... De fear's still there," Remy mumbled and rubbed his chest, close to his heart.

"Remy..." Joseph whispered the name and claimed the Cajun's hand, running his fingers over the smooth skin. His mind needed time to process everything that Remy had told him. "You died..."

Remy shrugged his shoulders, unable to react verbally. Then, he managed to compose himself and continued his confession. "De next t'ing I remember is bein' jolted 'wake on Sinister's exam table." Remy pulled his hand away from Joseph's grasp and fumbled with the quilt. "I was weak, didn' know at once who I was and how I got dere..."

Joseph nodded his head. "It's okay. I'm not walking away from you. What happened?" Joseph wouldn't let this interfere with his newly discovered love for the Cajun. They could deal with this.

"He told me dat he'd brought me back and dat I now owed him." Remy shivered. "His tone was so cold, cher."

"Did he try to collect this debt yet?" Joseph carefully considered his next move and then crawled over to Remy. Determinedly, he enfolded Remy in his arms and pulled him close. Joseph rested his forehead against Remy's, finally able to touch and look into his lover's eyes.

"Non, he didn'... haven't seen him since."

Joseph noticed that Remy didn't really sound concerned. "Aren't you worried that he'll show up unexpectedly?"

Remy shook his head. "No matter what he wants from me, I won' give it to him. I'd rat'er die... 'gain." Remy allowed Joseph to hold him. "Why are y' still here?"

"Actually, I owe Sinister for saving your life." Joseph felt Remy tense against him. "If he hadn't, I would never have been able to hold you like this."

"Y're stayin' den?" Remy whispered, trying hard not to give in to hope.

"I'm staying, Remy," Joseph assured him. Tenderly, he claimed Remy's lips and engaged his new lover in a deep kiss. Remy's teeth parted immediately and Joseph chased his lover's tongue in a slow and lazy duel. Finally, he felt how some of Remy's tension faded beneath his caresses. "I think I love you," he whispered as he had to release Remy's lips in order to breathe.

Remy swallowed the large lump that had formed in his throat at hearing that confession. "Je t'aime, cher," he whispered in return. "Don' know when I fell in love wit' y', mais... I want y' too."

Joseph checked the time. "Why don't we turn in for the night? It's been an exhausting day."

Remy nodded his head. "I'm sorry 'bout de way I pushed y' 'way last night," he apologized. "I really t'ought dat y' wanted Rogue, not me."

"You'll let me hold you tonight, won't you?" Joseph slowly got to his feet and pulled Remy along.

"Oui," Remy whispered softly. He let go of the quilt and followed Joseph into the kitchen. Joseph opened the vial and placed one pill in the palm of his hand. Remy sighed. He'd forgotten about the medication and only swallowed the pill with some water because Joseph wanted him to.

"Go upstairs and warm the bed for me? I'm going to make us some tea." Joseph placed one kiss on Remy's lips and then nudged him towards the stairs. After Remy had ascended the stairs, Joseph turned around, his hands turning into tight fists. He'd managed to control his rage while Remy was close, but needed a moment alone now. Rogue had left Remy there to die and no one had tried to rescue the Cajun!

//I didn't go back either,// he admitted. His own behavior appalled him. //He died and never told us!// The fact that Remy had tried to deal with his death alone, infuriated Joseph. //He *died*!// The anger was building and he had to calm down before it would consume him. Focusing on his love for Remy, he managed to fight his rage into submission.

He recalled that he'd promised Remy some tea and boiled some water. After filling the mugs with tea, he headed up the stairs as well. When he entered the bedroom, he saw that Remy had fallen asleep on the bed, still fully dressed. Talking about what had happened in Antarctica had exhausted him. Joseph placed the mugs on the nightstand and began to undress his new love. First, he removed the boots and socks and then he struggled to get Remy out of those too tight jeans. Remy had fallen asleep on his stomach and Joseph was confronted with two mounds of smooth flesh.

After releasing a soft groan, he first rolled Remy onto his back and then manoeuvred the Cajun into a sitting position. It took him some time to remove the sweater, but then Remy was naked, except for his briefs. Joseph's eyes caressed his lover's body and then rolled him into the center of the bed and pulled up the comforter.

He forgot about feeding Remy the hot tea to make him sleepy and Joseph stripped himself. Only wearing his briefs, he slipped into bed as well and gathered Remy close. The Cajun immediately snuggled up to him after rolling onto his side. After Remy'd rested his head on his shoulder, he tucked them both in and kissed his lover's brow.

Just as he wanted to switch off the little lamp above their bed, he realized that something was floating in front of the window. Joseph stared right into Rogue's eyes.

 

Go on to Part3

Go back to Part1