Thank you to Jimmy for wishing me a good birthday on here. That's really awesome, dude, I love you too.
It's difficult to fathom that in one more year I'll 27. I had thought by 27 I would be somewhat successful in my life and I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. But for now I have one more year to go before I become too disillusioned with my dreams.
Clem, from church, wants to take me out to dinner tonight with a bunch of other church people. That's really awesome of her. I'm not really sure whether or not I'm allowed to invite other people yet, so I suppose I'll ask. I hadn't planned on doing anything for my b-day this year because I got sick of planning them myself. It felt odd that I was the instigator on a day when I don't have to be thoughtful about such things. But I have friends who plan their own b-days all the time, so what are ya' gonna do?
Facebook is always curious now days. Last year, when I realized people would probably wish me a Happy Birthday on it, I casually thought, "cool." Now this year I find myself hoping that people will say something, especially since I'm not even in Conway anymore.
I'm re-scoring another composition. The time signature again. It's amazing when you realize how much you've learned about music when you come back to something you composed over four years ago. Though, honestly at the time I wasn't paying attention to anything but the music I was composing. The notes were just coming out, I didn't have time for technicalities.
Today is February 12, 2007
Today, I spent seven hours re-scoring an old composition because the time signature I had it in didn't work. So I had to change 113 measures of 4/4 into 12/8. Just a bit of info. It was a tedious but I kind of enjoyed it.
Today is February 2, 2007
I woke up this morning feeling weary of my life. I'm wondering what I'm going to do with the rest of it and although I think I pretty much know, it doesn't help that my birthday is this month and it feels that I've done absolutely nothing or taken enough risks in my short time here on earth.
I obviously do not want to do opera. I don't know who I was kidding with that one. Sure, I've gotta a great voice, blah, blah, blah. I know how to sing and what sounds good and stuff, but that's just not me. I have no opera CDs whatsoever. I have a couple of art song CDs though. And I really do like art songs a lot better than arias. And there are other reasons I shouldn't, nor want to be involved in opera; some of them unmentionable on a public journal.
And then there's composing. Ah, composing. So long ago it seemed so promising. And it actually still does. Since Steve asked me to compose a piece for Larry for his ordination, there's been an increasing amount of confidence in my soul. But I don't wish to be shot down as is usually the case with these things, so I've been keeping it bottled up so that if someone decides to shit on me I can have an umbrella. Two completely different metaphors in one sentence! All my life I've loved to create things and music has provided an outlet where I can actually see what I've created and also hear it. And the creation doesn't have to end just because I put a fermata on a whole note. I can change what's in front of me or polish a phrase into something better or rearrange notes so they sound better and flow together. But I think I'll be a composer for the rest of my life, no matter if I'm successful or not. It just seems right.
And then there's accounting. I'm thinking of getting an accounting degree at UCA so I have something to fall back on if nothing else works out. It's a smart idea to me. People keep saying, "oh, that's boring" and, "you might hate it," but I think I'm ready to hate something that makes me a decent amount of money. No, I kid. I don't think I'll hate being an accountant. I love numbers and I'm kind of OCD about them so being an accountant will create an outlet there. But you never know. I could change my mind.
But as I said, I'm a little weary. That happens when you sit in your grandfather's house day after day and you feel like your worthless. But I know I'm not so you don't have to pity me. I help him out a lot and he enjoys me being here. At least I think he does. I think perhaps my weariness is because I'm not doing much, so I've decided to volunteer more at my church. I kind of feel good about it and hope I can keep it up and not get bored with it. That is the problem with my generation; we get bored easily.
Using Windows 98 on September 10, 2006
I've been going through some of my old compositions, trying to figure out why I do it and why I thought I was good. It's kind of inspiring and depressing all at the same time. I can't find a job, and according to the Central Arkansas Library System I'm not even qualified to check people out at a gift shop. Charming. I have a great girlfriend, who's tolerance and understanding is very appreciated. I haven't had much to say for the past two months, and I suppose I don't really have much to say on here anymore. That might change one day and if or when it does I'll let everyone know by email. Lots of love to all who read and appreciate my website.
Looking for a job on July 10, 2006
I've been too into other things to write any thing down lately. Nearly my entire summer has been spent in Jacksonville so far. I'm sure my roommates are enjoying that to some extent. I'm moving in here during the middle of, or maybe even before August. I don't really have much to say. I haven't slept well for a while, which I sincerely doubt is a surprise for anybody who reads this. I've been off my medicine since the beginning of May. However, it was not by choice at first considering someone stole it from my room during my graduation party, but I've gotten used to the fact that I haven't been taking any thing. I think it's time to go back to the doctor, though. I haven't gotten a car yet though I'm still planning on getting one. The same goes for a job. My job lately has been taking care of a couple of houses for some vacationing friends. And in a couple of weeks I go to choir camp. So I've been fairly busy, though no where near going-to-college busy.
Looking for a job on June 2, 2006
I've been spending a lot of time in Jacksonville lately. I did go back to Conway a couple of days ago with the intention of staying until Sunday, however the kitchen was a mess and there was a rancid smell coming from the trash can. I wasn't in the mood to clean up other people's messes, and the trash container was full and hadn't been put on the curb the day before meaning there would be no place to put the mess, so I came back to Jacksonville. Besides the obnoxious puppy it's a regular fortress of solitude here. And no messy!
I'm thinking about buying a vehicular unit. No one bought me one for graduation so I suppose it's up to me. I'm looking forward to it, however. I take good care of the one I'm in now, so I'm bound to be good with one that's brand spankin' new. I'm already gearing myself up to haggle. I've been looking at a lot of cars online, and though I've considered other possibilities, the Toyota Yaris is sounding good to me. If you'd like, tell me what ya' think on my guestbook or give me a call and we'll talk about it. Maybe we'll haggle just for giggles.
Forsooth! May 27, 2006
I got a letter in the mail telling me I had completed all the academic requirements to graduate. I could've told them that.
I like it when the Rectors at my church give sermons to things I've thought about before. It's reassuring.
Saw a HUGE man at Wal-Mart last night in a security outfit, getting around in one of Wal-Mart's handicapped shopping buggies. Only in Arkansas.
At the moment, my grandfather is getting onto his puppy for chewing on his hair. It's kind of amusing.
Forsooth! May 18, 2006
My tonsils are way better. I went to the nurse and got antibiotics. For free mind you, I wouldn't have actually been able to pay for them. She was kind enough to give me some samples and now life is extremely dandy.
I've graduated, which is nice I suppose. Now I have to think about starting my life on a good path. It actually sounds easier going back to college and getting a degree I could make money with, but I'll wait a little while with this one. I've changed a lot since I've started. I actually hate that phrase, because we're all really in a constant state of growth. So when we look back at our lives five or so years ago, especially at this young age, we see how much we've changed since then when really our experiences have shaped us all along the way. So yeah, I've changed a lot since five years ago, but not since last week or even last month. Or maybe even last year, who fuckin' knows. Anyway!
Yesterday marked three months since Jennifer and I began dating. I suppose that makes us more "together" or an "official couple" or "officially-going-to-stay-with-each-other-for-a-little-while-longer", I don't know. Things are good.
Forsooth! May 2, 2006
I apologize for my neglect of this journal. I've been busy in my life, so it seemed unnecessary to take time to inform the few who read this since I speak to most of them anyway. In summary of the past month: neat-o relationship, Opera Memphis, tonsilitis, about to graduate. I'll address one of these. I hate my tonsils, however I'm not willing to have them cut out of me. I don't like going to the doctor and I'll pretty much give any excuse not to. In this instance, I don't want them to tell me something I don't want to hear. Like, "they need to come out." Anyway.
Forsooth! April 7, 2006
I watched a very good movie with Jennifer last night: Good Night, And Good Luck. It was thought-provoking, and appropriate for the times we live in. I don't think I need to go any further than that. However, I did just read a news article about the prez's ratings and how both he and GOP have hit new record lows. Now, I don't know about anybody else, but I think it's pretty scary when either of our major parties has an extreme foothold on all three branches of goverment. It invites a fair amount of corruption and arrogance, which I'm thankful most Americans are finally coming around and noticing. The current administration has done a fairly good job of dumbing down the public with fear. It's an excellent tactic and always works when you need a bump in the polls. Ever notice how after 9/11, everytime there was a terror alert the prez's ratings suddenly went up a few points? Charming. I don't know if the Dems will finally get a say in November, but they don't have a central message to stand on yet which I believe could hurt them. However, the GOP's message of fear and limited freedom has become stale rhetoric and could possibly force many of those swing voters to change their minds this time. It would be nice to see some change. It would be nice if the legislative branch finally started upholding our government's system of checks and balances and held the executive branch accountable. It has way too much power, and if what I'm studying is correct, it's only going to get more powerful. Yeah, that's right, I'm talkin' politics again.
Small note: So I tell everyone that when I get older and have the time and money I'm going to get a Bernese Mountain Dog for a pet. Well, I just took this "what dog breed are you?" test. Guess what I turned out to be? Yep, a Berner.
Forsooth! April 5, 2006
The opera has come and gone and I'm glad it's over. Concert performances are not what an opera should fall into. I have an audition at Opera Memphis in five days. It's nothing too big but it's a start and I'm looking forward to seeing whether it will go anywhere or if I'll even get a job at all. So far all of my auditions have ended with the same comment: "Your voice just isn't operatic." I haven't figured out yet whether that means I'm doing something wrong or something right. I put up a picture of Denyce Graves on my facebook photos. A year from now she probably won't remember that singer-guy at UCA that "needed more space", but I'll remember her. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell her in person how incredibly beautiful I think she is on so many levels. That sounds completely psycho. It's not supposed to.
