BEHOLD YOUR MASTER...

the 8th wonder of the world

Gaze upon the countenance of the most powerful being that ever shuffled across this mortal coil. Now BOW BEFORE HER! King Oil is your lord and master. Every citizen of planet earth must obey her. And why wouldn't they? King Oil knows what is best for you. She is a dictator, but a BENEVOLENT dictator. Everything that is good in the world can be credited to her. Everything that is bad in the world will soon be made right by her.
The people you THINK are running the world today are mere PUPPETS dangling from the string cheese of KING OIL. She controls the horizontal. She controls the vertical. Resistance is futile. King Oil is reading your thoughts. But she has a short attention span, so now she's reading somebody ELSE's thoughts.

BRIEF HISTORY OF HER RISE TO POWER:

Our mom bought a board game from the 70's called King Oil. We were gonna play it, but it was missing pieces, and/or had no instructions. So we played Jackstraws for the title of King Oil. Man, she always beats me at that game, and that time was no exception. So she became King Oil, and has been lording it over me ever since. As King Oil, she has achieved the world domination she always wanted. It coulda been me sitting on that throne. Oh well, say larvae. Or c'est la vie, that is.

F.A.Q.

Q. Shouldn't she be called QUEEN oil?
A. No.
Q. I've played the game King Oil and won. What makes her the supreme master of earth more than I am?
A. Silence! Impudent fool! Nobody can obtain the true title of King Oil unless he or she wins it from King Oil herself!
Q. Oh yeah?
A. Away with ye! Your presence offends the king's royal eyes.
Q. What do you call King Oil in a coma?
A. Vegetable Oil! Ha ha ha ha

Hear ye, hear ye! Click here for a message from the king herself!!!!

Need proof that she can read your mind? First download
QBASIC here, then use it to run THIS PROGRAM

When you get it downloaded, just press F5 to run the program, without reading it first. It's supposed to be mysterious!