The "Oohhh!" Awards
The Five Star system is visually very friendly. But unless the wine is made in Hollywood or sold in Texas (where they must have a lot of truly feeble Lone Star wines) who really cares how many stars it gets? And have you ever noticed how few Lone Star wines there are, anyway, in this kind of review? Hmmm…
Magazines like “The Wine Dictator”, “Wine Excess” and “The Wine Avocado” (for vegetarians who prefer Vinho Verde?) usually use a point system to rate wines. Whether it is the 100 point system or the 20 point system the idea is that a bunch of wines are tasted blind. The results are presented as scientifically analytical assessments. Hah….
Simple $12 wines often get the same 87/100 points (or 17.5/20 points) that $95 blockbuster ultra-deluxe wines get. You have to wonder whether blind refers very subtly to the sensory impairment of the panel of judges. Who shuffled the corks on their abacuses?
Have you ever tasted even a $50 blockbuster that didn’t make a similar $12 wine taste like barely fermented grape juice? Perhaps if you, too, tasted $50 and $95 wines each and every day you, too, would begin to diss them for being, like, less than totally stellar. And, like the missing Lone Star wines in the Five Star system: How often do you see a wine get 36/100 (or 7.1/20)? It doesn’t happen.
An alternative to this suspicious bafflegab is the Ooh! Oooh!! Ooooh!!! system. Totally casual, stridently subjective and gloriously hedonistic, this system can be used – and often is – by less than professional wine lovers. Although you’ve surely already seen it in action (you may, unknowingly, have used it yourself) the following rules may help establish rough guidelines.
The “Ooh!” in a One Ooh! Wine is that pleasant surprise that sometimes comes with the first sip of an untried wine. Roughly translated it means: “This stuff’s pretty good! What did it cost? Maybe I should get more, anyway.” Vina Las Garzas Cabernet Sauvignon (+7013) $8.45 is a bargain red for us from Chile’s Colchagua Valley and is 90% Cabernet and 10% Merlot done up without oak. Just a wildly tasty mouthful of ripe black cherry and red berry fruit. Ooh!
The “Ooh! Oooh!!” in a Two Oooh!! Wine comes after that first “Ooh!” This kind of wine turns out to have a lot more layers of flavour flaring up in your mouth. Roughly translated it means: “ What a beauty! Who brought this? I’m going to have to find out where they got this yummy stuff and how to get some more.”
If you brought a Two Oooh!! Wine like Spain’s Osborne Solaz (+610188) $12.95 yourself, you’ll be starting to pat yourself on the back for your red wine expertise, about now, because other people with wine in their glasses will be making awed and appreciative noises, too… Rich and mellow raspberry flavours lead into sweet vanilla and complex and terribly elegant spices. Ooh! Oooh!!
The “Ooh! Oooh!! Ooooh!!!” in a Three Ooooh!!! Wine can come right after the first sip (bypassing the Two Oooh!! stage) and is often driven by intense and concentrated aromas and flavours so rich that they seem to coat the insides of your mouth like silky honey. No experience is necessary to make this kind of assessment. You just have to really like the stuff.
The wine has to be indescribably delicious and your enjoyment and appreciation must exceed your ability to turn what is, after all, a very sensual and hedonistic experience into mere words. Sometimes these three “Oooohs!!!” are soft little gasping sounds. Don’t put your glass down when there are other wine lovers around.
Peter Lehmann’s The Barossa Shiraz (+572875) $22.99 is a remarkably affordable example of a fine Three Ooooh!!! red wine. Sweet and sassy berry fruits seduce your tastebuds before tantalizing them with hints of coffee, chocolate and liquorice that just keep on coming. Excellent body – great legs! Ooh! Oooh!! Ooooh!!!
Once again Doug would like to take his nose out of a wine glass long enough to ‘fess up that his opinions do not necessarily reflect those of his employer the BCLDB…
