The Duel

by Geoff Sebesta

dreadpirategeoff@hotmail.com

1. At a wild house party.

Elán and Melanie go to the kitchen to get some privacy. The kitchen doesn’t have a kitchen table, but it has a wood picnic table somebody stole from the park, all covered with graffiti. There’s a cheap stereo and a ziploc bag with one corner torn out on the bench. Elán sweeps the bag on the floor and sits down under an ugly painting of a fox hunt. He puts a CD in the stereo. Melanie leans against the door to stop anyone else from coming in.

The CD plays a tape of a phone conversation:

TAPED PHONE CONVERSATIONS

VOICE 1

Hey Marcello, how much is a shirt?

VOICE 2

[a cultured Brazillian accent]

One hundred and seventy-five dollars.

VOICE 1

Yeah, my brother wants four an’ a haf shirts.

*kk*shrrrk-

VOICE 3

Don’t forget to bring da–

VOICE 2

Ah, don’t say it. Just call it the thing.

VOICE 3

Well, don’t forget da bullets for da thing.

ELÁN

[doodling on the table with a penknife]

He ain’t left, man. Ain’t gone anywhere. I know there’s a ton of cash, of cash.

Oh, this thing is old. But he been holed up for four days. He ain’t left for at least four days. I went in for lunch and his eyes were like dots.

I don’t think he recognized me.

And that money just piling up in there.

MELANIE

[leaning on the door]

[people keep trying to come in the door so she’s distracted]

Are these off one phone or two?

ELÁN

The restaurant opens at eleven forty-five. The waiters get there at eleven. We have from ten to eleven with nobody in the place except Marcello and a couple bartenders.

[beat]

If we’re going to get it all we have to do this now. How’s tomorrow for you?

MELANIE

[bitter]

Well, I guess it has to be. Thanks.

ELÁN

[distracted]

Yeah.

2. Outside, in the party.

It’s all confusion. You can’t concentrate on any one thing.

JAKE

[waving a little bottle]

I bet you five dollars you can’t eat a tablespoon of this.

SARA

Bet you five you’re right.

GEOFF

[wandering by]

I’ll do it.

JAKE

You sure, man?

GEOFF

Yeah.

[he sticks his tongue out and closes his eyes]

JAKE

You sure.

GEOFF

[tongue out]]

Sorta.

Jake pours a drop the size of a quarter on his tongue and Geoff swallows it.

BILL W.

Son, you a plum fool.

JAKE

Sonofabitch.

I never seen anybody eat that much tabasco sauce before.

GEOFF

[with tears pouring down his face]

ith da whad id ith?

JAKE

You ok man?

GEOFF

[weeping silently]

Yeah.

JAKE

You should sit down.

GINA

Are you alright?

GEOFF

Fine. Need to sit down a second.

GINA

Here’s a beer.

GEOFF

[not sniffling or sneezing, just tears gushing down]

Yeah.

Time has become one endless moment. It does not hurt. His throat is numb, but it was numb before, because he’s drunk. His tummy feels a little funny. The beer makes no difference to the tears that pour, independent, from his eyes.

JAKE

How do you feel?

GEOFF

Fine.

OK.

Fine.

OK.

(beat)

OK. Let’s wrestle.

3. The Street, 10:00 AM.

Geoff and Melanie walk down the street. They wear white shirts and black pants, like waiters going to work. They just so happen to meet Gina, dressed like a college student, coming from the school. And without a word they walk all the same way, to a restaurant just down the street. As they near it a white panel van parks in front, and Elán gets out. They don’t say anything to each other, they just look over their shoulders and go inside.

4. Inside the restaurant

Shana and Amy, the two bartenders, are already at work.

Amy takes food color and makes a Sprite blue. Then she makes it purple, then, brown. They laugh themselves silly. Shana spears a cocktail onion with a tiki umbrella and proclaims;

SHANA

I claim zis izland for France!

Marcello, the maitre d’, surveys them with benign neglect. He pulls a cork from a bottle of Shiraz without popping it, pours himself two fingers of wine, and goes to his office with a notebook to work on the menu for the day.

Geoff and Gina come in, with guns out and badges slung around their necks.

GEOFF and GINA

POLICE! Everybody down! Hands in the air! Police! Everybody down!

Melanie comes in behind Elán, who puts on a baseball cap that says Police. Melanie goes in the kitchen and says:

MELANIE

Police! Everybody down!

Poliza! Alle downa! [or however you say it in Spanish]

Elán goes to the office door. He whacks it with the butt of his gun.

ELÁN

Marcello! Marcello Masuelle Patane!

MARCELLO

One moment!

When he speaks you recognize him as Voice 2 from the CD.

ELÁN

Marcello Patane, this is the police! You will immediately come out here with your hands in the air right now!

MARCELLO

[opens the door and says:]

Good morning, youth of America!

[beat]

GEOFF

GET DOWN!

GINA

HANDS IN THE AIR! DO IT!

Geoff and Gina pat him down.

ELÁN

Marcello Masuelli Patane, by the authority of the State of New York I am placing you under arrest. You have the–

Marcello makes strange gesture with his left hand.

MARCELLO

Who will help the widow’s son?

Elán stutters.

[beat]

MELANIE

What did you say?

MARCELLO

I said, who will help the widow’s son?

Anyone?

The cops are dumbfounded.

MARCELLO

Ah. So we recognize each other. Then you will recognize this.

He shows them his pocket watch, which has an interesting mathematical design on it.

Elán takes one look at it and turns white.

MARCELLO

So. Brother Freemasons; sisters Mason.

I don’t hear sirens, brother; where could your backup be?

Marthek ek Thrauss.

Crux buo Yllan-i-giro.

ELÁN

[very reluctantly]

Spret enizagam...

MARCELLO

Spret enizagam, trero.

ELÁN

[trapped]

Spret enizagam;

‘Trero.

MARCELLO

Trero. So.

I am Brother Marcello Masuelli Patane, Knight of the East.

[he makes another gesture]

Orbis Signi Omphalos.

Brothers, sisters. Brother, what might your name be?

ELÁN

Officer Elán Connor, sir.

MARCELLO

Yes? Who told you to bother me, Elán?

ELÁN

No one did; uh, we did.

This is a sting, sir.

GEOFF, GINA, MELANIE

Uh-huh, yes, yes sir.

ELÁN

We’ve been watching for months.

GINA

You haven’t been careful.

MARCELLO

How interesting. How interesting, what the younger generation does with their days. Now, tell me, young man. Do you know who I am?

ELÁN

No sir.

MARCELLO

Ah. But we’re all Masons here, all on the same page. Sisters and brothers we.

So. And you’ve no idea what you’ve just destroyed. None? So. A pretty pickle. A sting, eh? On the morning of the Orchard transfer, no less. With all that money just sitting downstairs. Cash money, no less. Very unusual.

Ah, but I suppose you know that.

So, thus, this is no sting.

This is a robbery, yes?

The cops are shamefaced, crestfallen.

SIMULTANEOUS

MARCELLO AMY

So. All that work, to end like this. [starts humming]

Mmm mmm ah hm um...

ELÁN

Uh, we could leave. GINA

Stop that.

MARCELLO

Oh, it’s too late, Elán. The thing is done. AMY

And now I must leave here, with you filthy, ...wmm mm n mmm...

stupid children. And I must sit in a little cell

while fifteen months of work...fly away. GINA

Stop that!

ELÁN

It was a mistake. I can say...uh, we can say we got the wrong address.

MARCELLO

We can? We? Or, you?

So. You, yes? It was you?

MELANIE

[points at Elán]

Yes. It was him.

GEOFF

It was his idea.

GINA

I came in late.

MARCELLO

Elán Connor, by a most sacred tradition of our Order, I may demand satisfaction.

ELÁN

[blanches]

What?

MARCELLO

Because. You cannot undo the harm you have done, and I cannot reverse time, or remove this filthy incident from our lives. You have insulted me, Elán Connor, and so I demand satisfaction.

ELÁN

What?

When?

MARCELLO

[to Melanie]

Give me your gun, please.

MELANIE

What?

MARCELLO

Come, come, give me your gun. You two, clear those tables away. We need a lane from the wait station to the bar.

[Gina and Geoff reluctantly hop to it]

Why delay? You die in the line of duty, I die...resisting arrest. Of course, questions may be asked. But the survivors can make sure the right people have answers. Come, come. Take off that flak vest please.

ELÁN

But now?

MARCELLO

[lights Carlton]

[beat]

Yes, now. I’m angry now.

ELÁN

Can I have a minute to write my wife a letter?

Marcello looks at him, inscrutable, jaw hung half open and mouth all dry, dry cigarette half-forgot hung from the side of the lip, palest green eyes you ever saw. Eyes flat, not dancing, just flat and watching. His suit is flat and sharp, his hair wispy and perfect. Marcello was a club kid a long time ago; he remembers Studio 54. He remembers the 80s, when when this restaurant right here had lines around the block to snort lines in the bathroom. Twenty years gone by and here he is, still here. This restaurant is his home. He has the gun in one hand and the clip in the other.

MARCELLO

[long beat]

No.

[snaps his lighter shut]

You should have thought of that before you came.

[very short beat]

Ready?

Excellent. Here we go. Now, Brother Connor. Stand here, please. We begin here, back to back. Good, very good.

Ten paces, turn and shoot.

One shot only.

This is agreeable to both parties, so...

You there, please count to ten.

GINA

Me?

MARCELLO

Anyone. You.

GEOFF

Uh.

ELÁN

I would like to make a complete apology, Brother Patane, and beg your forgiveness.

MARCELLO

Goodbye, Brother Connor. Now.

GEOFF

I...

Marcello looks at him like he’s a complete idiot.

GINA

One –

Marcello and Elán take one step.

Beat.

MARCELLO

Well?

GINA

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Marcello advances to the bar, Elán to the back of the restaurant. There are mirrors hung over the bar and Marcello watches Elán in them.

GINA

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Ten.

I propose that we give the actors who play Marcello and Elán paintball guns and let them actually take ten paces and shoot each other.

Who lives, lives, and who dies dies.

Melanie, Geoff, and Gina can clean up the mess. No one says a word.

THE END