Black to the Future

by Elise Harris - October 2000

Specially commissioned for the Millennium Dome, Blackadder Back and Forth is being shown exclusively on Sky One. Good news for people who weren’t prepared to fork out 20 quid for a ticket. It’s New Year’s Eve 1999 and Sir Edmund is hosting a dinner. Bishop Flavius Melchett, Archdeacon Darling, Viscount George and his wife Lady Elizabeth are there.

So is Sodoff Baldrick, the designer of a magnificent fake time machine.

Blackadder plans to con his friends into thinking he’s actually gone back in time. Trouble is, he really does.

But it’s nothing new for the hapless not-quite-everyman. Edmund Blackadder has lived through plagues, wars, revolutions and witch hunts. He’s been tortured, murdered and poisoned and still keeps bouncing back.

Whether he’s his own ancestors or a reincarnation of the same person is never made clear, but one thing’s for sure, as he’s got cleverer over the years his friends have generally become thicker.

In Blackadder the First, Baldrick was relatively cunning, Percy was nice but a bit dim, but Blackadder was as stupid as they came.

Poor Baldrick seems to have lost whatever sense he had since the first series, but Blackadder himself became wiser, more world-weary and cynical.

Percy disappeared after the first two series, to be replaced by the equally stupid George (Hugh Laurie). He was reborn as the hapless and put upon Darling in Blackadder Goes Forth. Queenie (Miranda Richardson) later became Blackadder’s love-interest - as Amy in Blackadder III and Nurse Mary in Blackadder Goes Forth. Lord Melchett disappeared for a series and came back as General Melchett. Bob/Kate (Gabrielle Glaister) went from being Edmund’s true love in the second series to a minor annoyance and easy target in Blackadder Goes Forth.

Poor Edmund never had much luck with love. He avoided marriage to the enormous Spanish Infanta (Miriam Margolyes) in Blackadder the first, only to end up married to an eight-year-old princess. He thought he was in love with a boy who turned out to be a girl (Bells), Amy turned out to be a highwayman (or woman) who robbed him at knifepoint (Amy or Amiability), and he mistakenly sent Nurse Mary to be executed as a spy (General Hospital). But at least he’s usually got an answer for everything.

The Wisdom of Blackadder

Blackadder the First

‘Morris dancing is the most fatuous entertainment ever devised by man: Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on. How it's still going on in this day and age, I'll never know.’Born to Be King

Blackadder the Second

‘And don't say “tush”, either! It's only a short step from “tush” to “hey nonny nonny”; and then, I'm afraid, I'll shall have to call the police.’ To Percy - Beer.

‘Who do you think you are, Watt Tyler? You can have the afternoon off when you die, not before.’ To Baldrick - Potato.

Blackadder III

‘They're worked up, sir, because they're so poor, they're forced to have children simply to provide a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas. Disease and depravation stalk our land like two giant stalking things. And the working man is poised to overthrow us.’ To Prince George - Sense and Senility.

Blackadder Goes Forth

‘There's an air-raid going on and I don't want to have to write to your mother at London Zoo and tell her that her only human child is dead.’ To Baldrick - Private Plane.

‘The Teutonic reputation for brutality is well-founded: their operas last three or four days; and they have no word for fluffy.”

A word from the others

‘Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed just to see the expression on your face.’ Queenie - Beer.

‘Ah! You have a woman's legs, my lord! I'll wager those are legs that have never been sliced clean off by a falling sail, and swept into the sea before your very eyes.’ Captain Rum - Potato.

‘It's true! You, you twist and turn like a...twisty turny thing. I say you're a weedy pigeon, and you can call me `Susan' if it isn't so.’ Lord Melchett - Beer. ‘I’m fed up with you treating me as if I'm sort of like some kind of a thickie! It's not me that's thick, it's you - and you know why? Because I'm a bloody Prince and you're only a butler. And now go and get those actors here this minute, Mr Thicky-Black-Thicky-Adder-Thicky. ‘ Prince George - Sense and Senility.

‘Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I'm missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. I wouldn't want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face! Huh!’ Captain Flashheart - Private Plane.

‘There's nothing cushy about life in the Women’s Auxiliary Balloon Corps.’ Captain Darling.

‘How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you, the basis of an entire culture.’ Baron von Richthoven .

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