Kacoe's Joke Page

Are You Stupid?

The Cowboy Without A Horse

A cowvoy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it about his head, without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of your sidewinders stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright. I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted, restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner before you go... What happened in Texas?" The Cowboy turned his back and said, "I had to walk home."

The Glass Eye Bet

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you 50 dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Ya right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The angry bartender pays the man 50 dollars and the man walks away. He come back half an hour later and says, "I bet you 50 dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here, you can't be blind!" So he akes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money, and he walks away. Half an hour later he returns to the bar. "I'm gonna give you a chance to earn your money back. I bet you 100 dollars I can pee in a glass 15 feet away." The bartender knows this is impossible, so she agrees to the bet and puts a glass exactly 15 feet away. The man stands on the bar and pees everywhere but the glass. He happily pays the smiling bartender 100 dollars. Bewildered the bartender asks the man why he is so happy. He replies, "I bet that man over there 1,000 dollars that I could pee all over your bar and you'd be happy as hell."

Turning To Stone

One day, there were 2 boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. So he walked over to the bush and to his astonishment, saw a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of the sudden the 2nd boy took off running. The 1st boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up eith him, he asked him why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked woman I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran."

Ol' Fred

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. THe family called their pastor to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deterior ate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor loving handed him a pen and a piece or paper and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it was best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing he message, he realized he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred had died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all..." He opened the note, and read "Please step to your left--- you're standing on my oxygen tube!"

It's Clearly Lorraine

A local man had a girlfriend whose name was Lorraine. She was very pretty and he like her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. He name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her as well and after a short while it became obvious that she was interested in him too! But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was othing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The man stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing "I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."

R.D. Jones And His Sewing Machine The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper, which appeared four days in a row-- The last 3 hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.
Monday: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. And ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
Tuesday: Notice: We regret have erred in R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 P.M."
Wednesday: Noice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in that classified ad yesterday. The as stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. And ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
Thursday: Notice: R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has quit now.

Yes, I have plently more where that came from. That's just a start. If you don't like them, then get over it. Blame yourself for being bored and not closing the page, or going to the next one. Anywho, on with the reading and jokes, Right? Peace!

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