Paradise Lost Part 8: Paradise Threnody

Paradise Lost Part 8: Paradise Threnody

Aya let the sweat stream down his face as he ignored the pain in his abdomen and he pushed himself to do just five more sit-ups. He could hear the pounding of music coming from Omi's room down the hall and he tried to stop wondering what Omi was doing right then.

"One hundred ninety-six...," he gasped as his chest touched his knees again. He had almost completed his exercise for the day, but it seemed somehow harder that night. He was more out of breath than usual and his hard stomach muscles screamed in protest with each set he did. he demanded of himself,

<199...> Aya heaved himself forward one last time, his dark violet eyes shut tight with the effort, <200!> and then he lay back, his chest heaving as he panted for breath on the floor of his room. For a second, the image of Omi lying on his back gasping hungrily for breath flashed through his mind and Aya say up abruptly.

Aya walked gracefully across the room and grabbed a hand towel to wipe the sweat from his face and bare chest. He would let himself enjoy a shower only after he did his pull-ups. The music down the hall abruptly stopped. Aya slung the towel around the back of his neck and was reaching for his water bottle when there was a soft knock at the door.

Aya sighed. It was probably Ken informing him that there would be a mission that night. Maybe Aya wouldn't have to finish his exercises after all since the missions were usual more work anyway. He usually only trained on his off-nights.

"Aya-kun...?" the timid voice on the other side of the door inquired. Aya froze, his hand almost on the door. Omi. What did he want? Aya reached for a clean undershirt and pulled it on before he reluctantly opened the door.

Omi looked shy and awkward, but his eyes burned with questions that Aya knew he didn't want to answer. "What?" was all the redhead said without moving from the doorway. Omi fidgeted with the string ties of his sweatshirt anxiously.

"I just wanted to talk to you... about last night," Omi said. The boy looked less sure of himself than when he'd first knocked.

Aya pretended not to care and turned his back to hide the unmanly blush which was creeping to his cheeks. He moved away from the door, allowing Omi entry, though hardly inviting him in. "What is there to talk about?" was all he said.

" 'What is there...'?" Omi repeated in a soft disbelieving tone, "What _isn't_ there left unsaid?" A note of desperation seeped into his voice. "We shared something special in the kitchen last night... You took me back to your room and undressed me willingly enough but when I told you how I felt about you, you just--"

"Don't make me out to be some pervert!" Aya snapped sharply. He turned to face Omi now that the flush in his cheeks could be mistaken for anger. "It wasn't like that!"

"I'm sorry! I know..." Omi hastily added, trying to make his earlier statement sound like less of an accusation. "I just wanted to know why after things seemed to be going so well..." Omi trailed off as Aya shot him an unimpressed look. "I mean..." Omi's eyes couldn't meet Aya's and his cheeks flushed a deep pink. "Last night meant a lot to me, Aya-kun. I've never felt that way before and I don't know why things ended the way they did."

Aya made no reply, but pulled a shirt off a hanger and started to button it on.

"Aya...?" Omi asked quietly, his heart pounding, "Why did you tell me to leave when I said that I loved you?" Finally! The question was out in the open and he couldn't take it back now.

Aya didn't stop what he was doing as he spoke. "What is a person _supposed_ to say when someone tells him that he loves him, but the person doesn't feel the same way?"

Omi was struck silent as he felt his heart breaking.

"Exactly. There's nothing to say," Aya said emotionlessly, "So what is there for us to be talking about right now?" Aya heard himself say the words coldly and hated each syllable that breathed past his lips. He saw the crestfallen look that swept across Omi's face and hated himself for it. Omi was the one who could always cheer him when he was the most down, the one who would never forsake him. Why was it that Aya could only seem to hurt him in return? But how could he, after years of suppressing his every feeling but hatred, how could he confess to Omi that he meant the world to him? How Aya's heart lifted whenever Omi was in the same room and how he wanted to love him so badly but didn't know how... How he felt unworthy of the sweet boy's attentions. He didn't deserve it. It wasn't right for a sinner to love an angel. Didn't Omi see that?

"How..." Omi choked out, "How can you say that?" He tried to restrain the tears which began to brim in his eyes, but couldn't remember ever being as heartbroken as he was at that moment and knew it was useless to battle the oncoming torrent of tears. "The way you kissed me last night... It felt as though you were in love with me, too..."

"We all make mistakes," Aya replied flatly.

The remark stuck Omi like a slap in the face and his mouth actually fell open slightly in surprise. Omi didn't know if the mistake Aya spoke of meant that he had made a mistake in kissing him, or that Omi had made a mistake in thinking that there was something behind the kiss. Either way, Omi knew at last that the one man he could ever love had rejected him completely. It was all over. A tear slipped free from the corner of his eye and ran down his cheek. Omi couldn't bite back a short crying sound of despair as the tear ran down.

Aya saw the tears in Omi's eyes and wanted to comfort him, hold him, and tell him everything would be all right, but under duress he didn't know how to translate his feelings into anything but anger. He made a sound of disgust and grabbed his car keys from the dresser. "I don't have to deal with this," he snarled and threw open the door.

"Aya... Where are you going?" Omi asked, frightened. For a moment he thought that Aya was suggesting he was quitting Weiß.

"Out," was all Aya said and for the second night in a row, he left Omi alone in the dark and walked away.

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"NOOO!" Nagi screamed.

He telekinetically threw the front door open and ran out the door faster than humanly possible, using his powers to hasten his every step. No one made a move to stop him and he had charged out into the dark city street in a second. The city lights in every direction were menacing and all-encompasing. Nagi frantically looked left and right, not knowing where to search first to find Omi and prevent the tragedy which Clofford had foreseen. Omi was out there somewhere, but where?

Nagi ran a few steps in one direction on impulse, then stopped and ran another direction, following a gut feeling. He stopped and shook his head in frustration. Guessing was no way to make this work, but he had no alternative. Nagi's heart pounded with fear and he was near tears with stress. Nagi ran a sweating hand through his hair, and pressed the heel of his palm against the side of his temple. Clofford's predictions could be prevented if the right action was taken, he was sure of it, but he only had one chance to get it right which would mean the difference between Omi's life and death... He knew that if Omi died when Nagi had the chance to save him, Nagi could never forgive himself. He had to do it right, but needed a place to start looking.

The park! The park where they'd first met was Nagi's only lead as to where Omi might be. Nagi made a silent prayer that somewhere, where ever he was, Omi would be heading to the park instead of any other random place, and that Nagi would find him in time. Hopefully, he at least lived near there.

The youngest Schwarz member gave a quick look around, then floated himself straight up in the air. He knew how foolish it was to use his powers and fly in public, but it was an emergency. Hopefully if he stayed high enough, no one would see him under the cover of night. Nagi flew to above the building tops and waited a moment to get his bearings. He could see everything from that height, but it all looked so different from up in the air. He looked frantically back and forth until he saw the gap in the tall skyscrapers where the park must be, and soared in that direction without a second thought.

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"Aya-kun..." Omi wept. He was left alone. Again. He heard the grinding sound of a car's ignition, then the purr of the engine as Aya started his car outside. He heard the sound fade and die as the redhead disappeared down the street. Omi was struck by the odd feeling that he had just seen Aya for the last time.

Omi stayed curled up on the floor on his knees, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. His tears suddenly stopped when an idea occurred to him. Nagi! Nagi seemed to understand a lot of matters from the heart and was the only one Omi could confide in; he could help him! Omi knew that Nagi would be an understanding person to talk to about his relationship problems with. But Omi felt far too restless to stay at home to contact him, and he had no way of reaching his friend or finding out where he lived... The park. The park was where they had met and was their only link that he could think of. Without any other place to go, Omi wiped his teary eyes and headed out into the dark city in the desperate hope that somehow Nagi would be there.

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Aya curled his lip in anger and downshifted roughly as he sped through the city streets. He had to get away for a while. He couldn't stand Omi's tears and accusations, couldn't stand himself and he needed to get out and think. He knew it was bad to drive when angry, but he couldn't stay at the shop a minute longer, and he'd always heard from Yohji how therapeutic it was to drive fast and let one's problems get eaten away with the mileage, so he was trying it out himself.

There had been a time not long ago when Aya had been afraid to get behind the wheel of a car and when he finally could, he could never drive faster than 10 under the speed limit. Ever since his sister had been put into a coma from a car accident, every pedestrian on the street corners was someone who could potentially step out suddenly, who he could hit. He had been terrified. Now, at the brief memory of a time when Aya wouldn't have dreamed he'd ever be able to drive this fast, he found himself resent his frightened former self and drove even faster. He didn't know if Yohji was right about driving recklessly making him feel better, but he certainly couldn't stand the thought of being slow and cautious at that moment.

That was what life was about! Taking a bite out of life and living dangerously. The worst thing you could lose was your life, and many people deserved that anyway, Aya found. He was in his right to want to kiss Omi and be with him, but not to love him! 

"SHIT!!!" Aya yelled and slammed his hand against the steering wheel. His thoughts tore him apart from the inside out, two sides to his spirit, one resentful and the other laced with regrets. No matter how hard he tried it was all he could think about. Aya grit his teeth against the tide of conflicting emotions and the thought of the beautiful face that haunted his mind wherever he went. Aya punched the gas petal with his foot and the engine roared in response as he tore down the street.

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Omi jogged at an easy pace along the sidewalk, his heart pounding from more than just the exercise. < I've really blown it this time. Nagi... Please be there! I need to talk to you... Everything's gone wrong and I need you... Please...>

It would be a while still before he got to the park but Omi didn't care. He didn't even really expect to see Nagi once he got there he just needed to get out and run. The cold night air felt good in his laboring lungs and soothed his mind.

he thought to himself sadly. He paused from jogging at the crosswalk for a moment while he waited for the light to change. < I'll tell you tonight,> Omi decided.

The "walk" sign lit up and Omi jogged quickly into the intersection.

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Aya grit his teeth. he thought to himself, < I'm just fooling myself; I can never have you. My sister comes first, before everything else. It would be wrong to let myself be happy with you and forget my purpose-- my mission of vengeance. I won't let that happen!> He pressed the gas pedal down even harder, causing branches nearby to rustle and sent dust and leaves scattering in his wake as he sped past.

The image of Omi with tears of loss streaming down his face returned again and haunted the redhead's mind. <... But even if I can't be with Omi, this isn't right. Omi has shown me more kindness than anyone else since I lost Aya. He doesn't deserve this! What have I done?> Aya grimaced with self-loathing. Aya drove faster than ever, back to the flower shop. < I'm going to come back to you and apologize right now...>

As he punched the gas pedal to head back to where he hoped Omi was waiting, the light far up ahead turned yellow. Aya frowned. He knew that he would not be able to make it to the light in time before it turned red, but he would be close. He thought of how Yohji always drove so fast and would cut through the intersection the instant it first turned red. Yohji had said that all the cross-traffic with the green light always linger for a moment anyway, that it was safe. Aya looked at the light ahead of him and knew that the yellow light would change any moment. He thought of how sad it would be if he got back to the flower shop and Omi had just left. Aya didn't want to miss him, and in that moment, he made his decision. He couldn't see the headlights of any other cars, and knew that it would be all right. < I'm coming for you, Omi! I'm so sorry...> The traffic signal illuminated Aya's pale face with hellish red as it changed and Aya floored his car across the crosswalk.

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Nagi flew high above the city, continuing his desperate search. He tried to push the dozens of mental images he could conjure of Omi being gruesomely killed in a car accident out of his head, the thought of that angelic face twisted into death-pain, the lithe body being thrown over the hood of a car... The boy shuddered. Thinking about that would only make him panic, and right now he just needed a calm mind so he could focus and find Omi. He might have hours left to go, he might be too late already. He didn't hear the wail of any ambulance sirens and assumed that until he did, there was still time. He just couldn't assume there was _much_ time.

He was only a few blocks from the park, when his searching eyes found to his elation, the figure he was desperately searching for below him. The tiny figure of Omi was jogging along the street towards the park, then waiting patiently at the crosswalk for the signal to change before he walked into traffic. So cautious... Unknowing of the tragedy that could have taken place.

Nagi's apathetic features turned into a faint smile, and tears of relief sprang to his eyes. From where he hovered high above the street, Nagi finally let his panic subside and allowed himself to revel in the sight of his first love. He'd been hoping to see Omi ever since they'd parted ways earlier. But somehow, Omi looked strange and Nagi was struck with a sense of foreboding. A line from Shakespeare that Nagi which always reading from (and Schuldip teased him about) came to his mind for some reason...

[ "Oh, God I have an ill-divining soul! Methinks I see thee now, thou art so low, As one dead in the bottom of a tomb. Either my eyesight fails me or thou lookest pale..." ]

Nagi shook his head against the feeling and reassured himself from another line from "Romeo and Juliet".

[ " All these woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our times to come!" ]

Nagi smiled and began to float himself gently down behind Omi. He'd catch up to him on foot and maybe they could go out that night... But the sound of a speeding, roaring engine made his heart become chill and his blood ran cold.

Nagi flung himself downward as fast as he could, trying to catch up and stop the tragedy before it occurred. Fearing he wouldn't get there in time as the speeding car raced near like a white metal reaper, Nagi screamed for Omi to stop, hoping he would hear, hoping the speed of sound could save his love even if his own powers weren't fast enough.

"OMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!"

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Omi had just begun to run into the intersection and heard the sound of a speeding car from somewhere close approaching, but stranger than that, he heard his own name being called out in desperation.

"OMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!"

Omi stopped where he was and began to turn around to find out who had called out to him. He never saw who it was, though, as something more pressing filled his gaze when he turned to look over his shoulder. Omi's eyes were blinded with the headlights of a car that was only a few yards away and bearing towards him impossibly fast. He didn't have time to be afraid or even gasp. His mind just thought distantly, <--it's going to hit...> and then the car was upon him. The second before impact, the car was so close that he wasn't blinded by the headlights any more, and Omi could see the driver. Their eyes met and there was a horrible second of recognition before the car slammed into Omi's unprotected body and he was thrown forward into the air.

Omi's small body was sprawled on his back in a tangle of limp arms and legs when it hit the concrete road in the middle of the intersection. His body convulsed once, twice, then lay very still. His body was in shock from the impact; Omi felt no pain. His mind wondered distantly why his body wouldn't move no matter what he tried.

Omi's shoulders and head lay in a puddle in the middle of the street, his soft blonde hair floating lazily in the pool of blood and black water. The red halo which surrounded his head was spreading. Somewhere, as if in another world, Omi could hear the sound of his name being called. One sounded like Nagi, his voice filled with despair and regret. Then he could hear Aya's voice cut through the night, too, his voice filled with horror and lamentation. "Omi!" they were screaming, "Omi!" As the boy on the ground listened to them call his name, he found he still couldn't move and that it was getting increasingly hard to even think. He couldn't see the stars in the night sky he was facing any more as his vision faded to a soft warm white.

< I'm sorry...> he thought to no one in particular as he felt himself slipping away. Omi closed his eyes as tears formed in the corners and he faded into the soft void.

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"OMI!!!! OMI!!!!!" Nagi screamed as he rushed to Omi's side, and gathered the motionless body in his arms, finally reunited with his love. Tears poured down his cheeks in crystal rivers and he gently swept the damp hair and blood from Omi's smooth brow. "No! No!!! Omi!! Say something! Open your eyes! Why won't you open your eyes??" he cried desperately. He cradled the limp body in his arms and rocked Omi back and forth like an infant, gently shaking him as if to make the closed eyes awaken from their sleep. "Wake up, Omi!! Don't leave me! Please! Wake up, Omi!"

He sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably, holding to the body so tightly it was as if he was trying to hold onto Omi's life. He had used his powers at the last second, throwing up a hasty shield to protect Omi, but he'd been a little too late and the shield only had time to come part-way up. He had saved his lover from being killed instantly, but couldn't protect him entirely and now the boy's life hung in a delicate balance between life and death. "Hang on, Omi! Don't die! Please don't leave me! Why won't you... open your... eyes...?" Nagi wept so hard his stomach cramped and he couldn't even draw the breath to speak.

Behind him, the soft purr of an engine drew near and a black limousine pulled over on the other side of the street. A familiar American face appeared as Clofford rolled down the tinted window and regarded the tragic scene with cold disinterest. FarPhaleo and Schuldip emerged and began walking towards them.

"Give him here," Schuldip said calmly, "We'll take him home with us."

Nagi drew his arms around his prize defensively. "I won't let you hurt him!" he declared, cradling Omi's head in his arms protectively.

Schuldip put his hands up in a soothing gesture. //We just want to take him back with us. You can come along, too, of course. We're going to get a doctor. It's okay...// Schuldip spoke directly to Nagi's mind, not concealing his emotions so Nagi knew that he was telling the truth. He didn't even care why Schwarz decided they wanted to take Omi alive.

"Is he...?!" Nagi asked desperately.

//Dead? No, but he's damn close. Let's move.// Schuldip replied.

Nagi reluctantly stood, and floated the boy's body into Schuldip's arms with the greatest of care. Then he turned around to face the murderer who had nearly taken away the only thing in life that mattered to Nagi any more. There was fire in his eyes.

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Aya couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't feel. When he'd seen Omi freeze in front of the car, he'd seen everything that mattered shatter into a dazzling dark nightmare. An innocent youth, somebody who was loved, so full of life... hit by a car just like his little sister, but this time it was him, not Takatori, behind the wheel. He was no different from that monster he'd sworn vengeance against. Aya saw in his mind a visage of Omi in a hospital with tubes and wires running everywhere as he lay in an eternal slumber like his sister. That was if Omi was not already dead. He was then stuck with the image of himself at a funeral service alongside Yohji and Ken in black suits, watching the boy resting peacefully in a chestnut coffin while a minister said one last prayer...

Tears streamed down his face unbidden, and he stood numbly just outside his car, one hand still on the door as he looked on and felt himself slowly die inside. He didn't understand why the Schwartz boy was crying over Omi's body like a long-lost lover, but somehow it seemed only fitting that it was him, not Aya, who got to hold that precious figure so close and tight... This boy was at least true to his real feelings.

The redhead watched, paralyzed on the spot, as the other Schwartz members arrived. Only when they started taking Omi away, was the spell broken. Aya didn't have his sword with him, but charged towards them anyway, his face contorted with rage. FarPhaleo drew his gun and pointed it directly at Aya's head. "Ah, ah, ah..." he taunted, shaking his finger back and forth in a reprimanding gesture, and cocked the gun.

"He's mine," was all Nagi said, holding up an arm to stop the gray-haired madman from killing the Weiß assassin.

"You will know the pain of loss that you have caused me and my love," Nagi said darkly, addressing the redhead now, "I will show you what suffering is, and he will be avenged..." There were flashes and sparks as if from an electrical charge as Nagi's powers swirled around everyone. The wind stirred and Nagi's hair stood on end as he charged up his energy for the death blow, then aimed one purposeful finger at Aya's chest.

The redhead could only stand and wait for the blow. He didn't have a God to repent his sins to.

"Nagi, STOP!" Clofford's voice cut in suddenly.

Nagi couldn't stop the energy released from his finger, but could only redirect it at the last second. The blinding light of raw power flashed through the dark night and the misfire flew forward, shearing a parked car perfectly in half. "Don't interfere!" Nagi hissed angrily at Clofford without taking his eyes off of the redheaded Weiß assassin, "I'm going to kill him!"

"Calm yourself, fool!" Clofford hissed back irately, and put a hand over Nagi's to keep him from aiming another shot. "I've had another vision and he's better off to us alive. If you kill him, then I'll kill you. Don't disobey."

Nagi's small body trembled with rage as he wanted nothing more than to make the killer pay for hurting dear Omi, but he held back, forcing himself to keep under control. He couldn't remember ever feeling such passionate anger before in his life. His hands balled into fists, his fingernails digging into his palms until they bled.

"Hey, Aya!" Schuldip called out, a cruel smile twisting his lips, "Missing something?" He gave Omi a possessive pat on the rump from where the boy was slung over his shoulder. With a laugh, he and FarPhaleo got back into the limo with their new acquisition.

"Come along, Nagi," Clofford commanded as he turned away from the scene. "And do something about that one," he added, waving a hand in Aya's direction. Nagi obligingly whipped out another burst of energy and slammed Aya's head hard against the side of his car. Aya was almost relieved when he was knocked unconscious because it was his only escape from the horror of reality.

Nagi ran back into the limo and the black car headed back to headquarters. The boy never let go of Omi's hand the entire way.

[Part 9]

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