Saturday Night

Sometimes I think I’m here solely for God’s entertainment. Like he looks down and goes: “I’m bored. Hey, I think I’ll fuck around with that dumb shit Yohji!” and proceeds in watching me fall on my ass (in more ways than one) and just laaaaughs and laaaaaughs...

Well, that’s the only reason I can think of.

.... Or else he just reeeeeaaaaaally hates me.

Yeah, that could be it.

I kill people. Sin. I have sex (constantly) and I’m not married. Sin. I say His name in vain. Sin. I have “Sin” tattooed on my arm..is that a sin?

I like men. Sin.

I can’t help that Ken’s so fucking cute!!! Jesus!! What does he expect me to do when the most adorable creature on the planet stumbles around in front of me on a daily basis? Sit there and twiddle my thumbs?!

I guess it would have been better if I did. That stupid ice cube Aya...You know what I’ve always thought would be fun to do? Just *rip* that stupid earring....

OK, Kudou, let’s be civil here..

.......stupid bastard....

I guess I shouldn’t blame God for everything..but who else is there? Well, there’s Ken. But I guess if I were Ken I would have chosen Aya too. Pfft. What am I saying. He probably didn’t even realize how hard I had fallen for him anyway.

I still don’t understand why I didn’t say anything.

Of course I do. I was scared.

But I’m never scared.

Ken...you don’t understand what you do to me...and now you never will...

***

“I can’t believe I ran into you here! What are you doing? We all thought you fell off the face of the planet! Who‘s that? Is that your girlfriend? Did you get married? Did you know we found Omi has a boyfriend?!? I bet you knew already didn‘t you? Of course you did!”

I stare at the chatterbox in dumb silence. What the-

Dark blue eyes scrunch up as the person smiles and backs a few steps away.

“I bet you don’t even know who I am.” They say as they shake their head and place their hands on their hips, grinning sheepishly.

“You seem...” I drift off, her face looking vaguely familiar.

“Let me help you!” she says grinning, a mischievous glint flashing in her eyes. I wince slightly as she throws back her head and screams. “...AYA SAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAA!” her voice echoing throughout the street and turning several heads.

“Oh!!” I remember, she was one of Aya’s more....vocal...fans at the shop. Aya’s worst enemy. Therefore, my new best friend. I smile down at her.

“Remember me now?” she says laughing, dark hair falling into her eyes. “The names Kaya.” she outstretches a delicate hand for me to shake.

“AHEM.”

Both Kaya and I meet with a angry pair of golden eyes. Oh yeah...date...person...

“Are you coming up or NOT?” she spits out, giving Kaya the eye as she taps her foot impatiently.

“I think I’d rather stay down here.”

“Fine. Thanks for a HORRIBLE date.” she says smirking. Oh, gee...I’m so hurt. I think I’ll go cry in a corner now ‘cause the ugly bitch doesn’t like me. Boo hoo.

“Anytime.” I say with mock-sweetness, grinning widely. She scowls and stomps into the entrance of her apartments, throwing one last glare at me before she slides the glass door shut loudly.

“Anooooou....”

I turn my head back to Kaya who’s chewing on her lip thoughtfully, her eyebrows wrinkled together.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to break up your date...I just wanted to say hello...”

“Ie. Thank you. That was quite possibly the worst date I ever had.” I say, running a hand through my hair.

She laughs quietly. “It’s strange..I always kinda thought you were...” Her face takes on a crimson shade and she quickly looks down at her now shuffling feet.

“...were?”

“You know....” she says quietly, ebony bangs obscuring her eyes. “Umm..off the beaten path?”

“Eh?” I say, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh..not..follwing the... straight and narrow road...” She winces and steps away, expecting me to deck her, but is surprised to find me laughing.

“It’s that obvious?” I say as I shove my cold hands into the fuzzy pockets of my jacket. She gawks at me, her small mouth opening and closing like a fish.

“You mean...?”

“Yeah...I have a lot of ..shall we say..variety ....in my love life.”

“I KNEW IT!!” she cries, clapping her little hands as her eyes shine with triumph. “Nobody believed me!” She pauses to glance down at her watch. “Gah! Yohji-san I’m supposed to be meeting my cousin in a couple minutes...so...” she begins to back away, ready to leave me when I have so many questions to ask.

“Matte!” I say a little too loudly.

“Nani?” she says as she stops in the middle of her step, her eyes blinking in confusion.

“Could I walk you there?” Excuse...Think of an excuse... “It’s dangerous around this side of town at night.” Yosh! Good one Kudou!

“Okay...” She says lifting a dark eyebrow, motioning with her head in the direction we want to go.

I trot up next to her as I wrap my leather coat tighter around myself. The crisp breeze blows strongly, causing several orange and brown leaves to fly into us. I hear her laugh softly as she reaches up to pull out one stubbornly tangled in my hair. I smile in gratitude, brushing one off her shoulder. We walk in silence for endless moments, her absentmindedly tearing the leaf from my hair into tiny pieces and throwing each small portion into the breeze, leaving a small, colorful trail behind us. Pausing at a crosswalk I stare up at the traffic lights, coloring both of us in an eerie crimson shade. She stares at her hands, turning them over again and again.

“It almost seems like blood doesn’t it?” she says casually as she turns her head up towards me. I smile sadly down at her and stare at my own hands. Even when the light turns green, it will still always be there with me...with Omi..with Aya...

With Ken...

“When are you going to ask?”

“Ask?” I stop in the middle of street, tilting my head at her.

“About the other guys. That’s the only reason you’re walking me there anyway isn’t it? If you don’t ask soon, I might not have enough time to answer.” She stares at me from the corner of her eye, her face suddenly serious.

It’s strange to see a lighthearted person attempt to act somber... One can’t help laughing. I always did when Ken tried to be serious too. And I always laughed harder when he’d get angry for not taking him seriously. How can you? It’s like a kitten lecturing you or something.

“Are you done?” she huffs as I continue laughing. She pouts dejectedly and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “You wanna know or not?”

“Yeah...” I admit, as we reach the other side of the street and merge with the crowd. “..Could you?”

I brace myself. Waiting for her to tell me how Ken and Aya are inseparable, how they constantly snuggle and kiss. How the shops doing great and everyone is happy and doesn’t even notice I’m gone.

“Since you left, so much has changed...”

Nani?

“Omi is a wreck, I’ve never seen him this stressed out. When he’s not working he’s calling around trying to find you. One day he just broke down and started crying in the middle of the shop, dropping all the pots he was carrying.. Aya cleaned it up of course.”

“Aya.” I say bitterly. Here it comes...

“Yeah, it’s hard to believe it’s possible, but he’s gotten even colder. He won’t speak to anyone. Not even when you ask him a question..he just kinda glares and points at Omi who looks like a scared mouse half the time.”

I won’t ask...I won’t ask...Fuck I have to know.

“What about...Ken?”

She stares at me for a moment, searching my eyes. I pray she sees nothing. Orbs of blue ice peer into me until I finally look away.

“Ken’s gone.”

“What?!” I croak. Abruptly stopping and immediately being pushed forward again by the rushing crowd. She lightly grabs my arm and pulls me aside onto a steel bench that’s in need of a new paint job. I start to ask about her cousin but she says he can wait a few more minutes. She pulls at her bangs, staring intensely at me once more. After a few moments of silence she takes a breath and begins again.

“Yohji...I was there the day you ran away. I don’t know exactly what happened but I can assume.”

I feel a jolt pass through my body. My false smile crumbles and I gape at her. Oh God of all the people for me to run into it had to be one that saw the most horrible moment in my life.

“Ken said something to hurt you didn’t he?” she says quietly as she brushes a dark yellow leaf off her corduroy pants.

“Yes...” I whisper, my heart feeling like it’s going to break once again. I’ve tried so hard to keep these memories away from me...I don’t want to remember.

“That’s strange to me...”

“I don’t see why.” I say with bitterness apparent in my voice. I don’t want to hear about this...but at the same time I can’t move. Stupid Ken. Stupid Aya.

Stupid me.

“Do you know where Ken went?” I find myself asking; finally realizing that if he left...maybe..just..no..who am I kidding.

“Nobody knows.” she says shrugging.

“How can nobody know?” I say in total confusion. Ken was the kind of guy who would announce that he was getting up to take a piss...wouldn’t he say something if he was leaving somewhere?

“When you ran out, Omi chased after you but Ken just stood there. Most of the girls followed after Omi, but I stayed behind to see if he was alright." she pauses a moment, her hands fidgeting nervously, "He wouldn’t even speak to me. His eyes were all glassy and he just kept rambling to me like he was in some kind of trance...”

“What did he say?” I ask softly, suddenly feeling like more of an ass than I already do for leaving without explaining how I felt.

She looks up at the night sky, stars hidden by the bright streetlights. “I couldn’t understand half of it, it was something like..‘He cried. He cried when I told him. Yohji doesn’t cry. He cried. Why did he cry? Did I make him cry? I did didn’t I? It was me wasn’t it? It’s my fault...’ he went on like that for a minute and I finally walked up to him to touch his arm, you know, to comfort him or something, and he just burst into tears.”

“He cried?!” My head pounds and my stomach churns. I’ve never seen Ken cry, I mean I never thought of him as a person who never cried like Aya, or one that cried openly like Omi, but more like one who would do it when he was alone. Someone who kept their pain to themselves.

Someone like me.

“Yeah, and since I have no idea what’s going on between you two I almost passed out from brain overload. Seeing the both of you cry was way too much for me to handle, so I just sat there and let him cry on my shoulder until Omi came back. You know it’s sad tha-”

“KAYA!”

She yelps at the call and then smacks a hand to her forehead.

I turn to see a boy a little younger than her, maybe seventeen or eighteen marching towards us, a scowl on his face. His dark blue eyes, the same as Kaya’s, flash angrily.

“Where have you been? I almost had a heart attack when you didn’t show up!” he flails his arms around and stamps his feet, reminding me of Ken in one of his tantrums.

“Sorry!! Sorry!! I got sidetracked!” she cries as the boy ruffles her hair. “Yohji-san this is my EVIL cousin Yuichi!” Kaya says giggling as she smoothes down her disheveled locks.

“Oi! I resent that comment!” he smiles goofily, shaking my hand with a firm grip. “Nice to meet you Yohji-san. I hope my cousin hasn’t been harassing you too much.” he lifts a dark eyebrow and takes at side-glance at her.

“It’s fine. I’m the one who asked to walk with her anyway.” I reply, smiling politely.

“You like walking with total strangers? Couldn’t you have picked a better one than this?” He sighs and shakes his head dramatically, attempting not to grin.

“ Baka!” she whacks him lightly on the arm. “This is one of the boys from the flower shop!”

“The one you always talk about? “ He peers at me. “But that’s across town!” Confusion passes his face but shrugs it off. “...Anyway Kaya, I know you’d like to keep drooling, but everybody is waiting for you.” He grabs her hand and yanks her off the bench. “Nice meeting you Yohji-san!” He says grinning and pulling Kaya away. I nod at him quickly but remember she hasn’t finished.

“Kaya!” I call as they begin heading off. “What happened to him?!”

“I told you I don’t know Yohji-san!” she calls, “ He worked at the shop a few more days and then he was gone.”

“Oh...”

She stops almost a block away now and stares back at me, pity evident in her eyes even from here. Shaking off her cousin’s hand, I’m surprised to see her running back to me, accidentally bumping into several people on her way as she stumbles over. I laugh at her clumsiness but stop when I see her serious face as she grabs my arm.

“You know why I thought it was strange that Ken would hurt you?” she says quietly. “Because I always thought he cared for you the most, in a more than friends way.”

“Really?” I say, unable to hide my curiosity.

“Yeah...” she says, glancing back at her angry cousin who’s already marching toward us. “I really don’t think he’d ever mean to tell you something that would hurt you.”

“He told me Aya said he loved him.” I find myself blurting out. “How’s that for hurt?!”

I may has well of whacked her in the stomach with a baseball bat. She stumbles back a few steps, covering her mouth with a hand to muffle a gasp.

“I’m sorry..” I say. “I know you liked Aya..I didn-”

“That’s not important. That’s just a dumb crush.” she says breathlessly, still in shock. “Yohji-san... are you in love with Ken?” her voice grows higher with each word.

I nod slowly, my voice leaving me.

She smiles gently, blue ice melting. She whips her head back to her cousin.

“Thirty seconds!!!” she yells. He nods impatiently and leans against a brick building, eyes riveted on us. She turns back to me.

“Tell me exactly what he said.” she says quickly.

“Aya told me he loved me.” I grit out, feeling a lump forming in my throat.

“And...?”

“And then I ran away.” I whisper, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

“You didn’t let him finish?”

“He said all there was needed to say. He doesn’t love me. He loves Aya.”

“Did he say that?”

“There’s no need to state the obvious!” I snap at her. “Why the hell would anyone pick me over Aya?!”

“Yohji, find Ken.”

“What?!”

“Find Ken and let him finish.”

“Why?”

“Because you didn’t give him a chance you idiot!” she yells, taking me by surprise. “One thing you seem to enjoy doing is jumping to conclusions. How do you know that Ken didn’t love Aya?”

“Why else would he tell me?”

“Think about it.”

Kaya stares at me a moment more and walks back to her cousin. I watch until the two dark heads have vanished into the crowd. I fall back down onto the cold bench, wincing at its hardness. Staring down at my boots, our conversation plays over in my head. What did she mean? I sit there a few moments more, mindlessly picking at the old paint. I look around, laughing couples, honking cars, glowing neon signs, all too distracting to let me really think. Slowly standing, I stare up at the moon, only a small sliver of it shining. I love the city, but it would be nice to look up the sky for once and see the stars, to be covered in only moonlight. An image of Ken crying flutters into my mind. I wonder, is he looking at the moon too? Is he thinking about me? About what an ass I am? Hah, probably...

Ken where are you?

I find myself in front of a payphone. I can’t hide forever. Sifting through my pockets , I find a couple coins and dial.

“C’mon C’mon...” I tap my foot impatiently on the wet pavement as the phone rings over and over into my ear. Finally I hear a soft click.

“Mmm?” a soft voice says. I glance down at my watch, maybe I should have called at a decent hour.

“It’s me.” I hear a gasp and a loud crash as the phone is dropped.

“YOHJI-KUN?!” Omi screeches, his cry echoing in my ears.

“Hai. It’s nice to hear your voice Omi.” I say, a smile forming on my face.

“Yohji! Oh God, Yohji...”

“Omi... I’m coming back. I’m going to find Ken.”

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