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At dawn... in the wilderness (bet you didn't see that one coming, did you?)
Boromir is the first to wake and decides to wake the others. He starts with Legolas, unaware that elves sleep with their eyes open.
Boromir (leaning over Legolas and shaking his shoulder): "Legolas? Legolas, it's time to wake up. Leggy? Leggy? Oh my gosh, he's dead and I never got to tell him I loved him!"
Legolas (blinking as he wakes up): "What was that?"
Boromir (blushing): "Nothing... Nothing, buddy."
Legolas (grinning smugly): "Oh, I could've sworn I heard someone say they loved me!"
* * *
In Moria
Boromir (shoving the door shut): "They have a cave troll."
Pippin: "Perhaps we should run?"
Boromir (looking greatly insulted): "No! I am a man, I'm staying a man, and I'm going to face it like a man!"
The cave troll roars then pounds on the door.
Boromir (shrieking amazingly like a girl): "Aaaahhh!"
He then proceeds to jump into Legolas's arms.
* * *
In Rivendell... a long time ago
A rather young Elladan and Elrohir have stolen an important paper from Elrond's office. If you want to know what paper... read Innocence Never Dyes. Just... cause we couldn't think of another one right now.
Elrond (having cornered the twins in the gardens): "Alright, now I want that paper on the count of three. One, two... (pointing behind the elflings) Oh, look! Bananas!"
Elladan and Elrohir turn to look for the bananas only to have the paper snatched from them.
Elrond (laughing): "Oh, I can't believe you fell for that one!"
* * *
In Minas Tirith... after Return of the King
After Aragorn and Arwen's wedding, the two are surrounded by grateful Hobbits.
Hobbits (all together in a rather monotonous tone): "You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful."
Arwen (turning, shocked, to Aragorn): "You saved their lives? Oh, my hero! They're so adorable! Let's adopt them!"
Hobbits (holding out their arms to Aragorn, still in stereo): "Daddy!"
Aragorn (slapping a hand to his forehead): "Aaarrgh!"
* * *
In Rivendell... a long time ago... in a galaxy far, far away... (oops.)
The elves are sitting in the Hall of Fire drinking and talking. Glorfindel gestures a little too enthusiastically and spills wine on Elrond's leggings.
Glorfindel (very apologetic): "Oh, I'm so sorry! That's going to stain. You'd better take your pants off right away!"
Celebrian (smirking): "It takes more than a little wine to get Elrond out of his pants."
Elrond then glares at her, looking really indignant.
* * *
We want to thank Melestel for this one!
In Bree at the Inn of the Prancing Pony
Butterbur has just handed Frodo a letter.
Frodo (reading the letter): "Hmm... It's from Gandalf."
Sam: "Well, what does he say?"
Frodo (reading more of the letter): "He says... 'Follow the white rabbit.'"
Merry: "Now, what do you suppose that means?"
Just then, Strider walks by with a white rabbit sticker on his bum. The Hobbits all look at each other and then Sam points toward the retreating Strider.
Sam: "Um... I guess it could mean him."
* * *
In... THE WILDERNESS (raise your hand if you didn't see that coming! Okay, we didn't mean for you to really do it...)
Boromir (hitting on Leggy for the umpteenth time): "C'mon, Leggy. Please? Just once?"
Legolas (growling at the dense steward): "Touch me, and I'll shove a crude, yet mystical, digging tool up your nose!"
Boromir (eyes unbearably wide): "Does that mean no?"
* * *
On Caradhras
The Fellowship is trudging through the snow and Legolas, on top of the snow and nearly frozen by the wind, is shivering.
Legolas: "I'm cold!"
Aragorn (sighing in annoyance): "I told you to bring a jacket, Leggy! Naked and snow just don't mix!"
Boromir (perking up): "Naked Leggy? WHERE?!?!"
* * *
In Rivendell
Aragorn and Glorfindel are fighting a practice sword match and the rest of the Fellowship is watching.
Boromir (wrapping an arm around Legolas's waist and pulling him closer): "My love for you is still as strong. I would gladly die for you!"
Legolas (gently pushing Boromir aside, eyes glued to Aragorn): "You're so noble. But would you mind moving? I really must watch him fight."
* * *
In Rivendell, once again a long time ago... only nighttime!
Elrond is sneaking into what he assumes is Celebrian's room. After a moment he emerges, carrying someone in his arms.
Elrond: "You will be my bride throughout eternity. We will share the endless passion of immortal love!"
Legolas (throwing his hood back): "Oh, I can't wait!"
Elrond (looking down at the elf in his arms in horror): "Not you!!"
* * *
On to: the Answers
On to Chapter Three: The Irrefutable Truth About Quotes