| Things i wrote when i was pretending to work in the English Government |
| And if you want this song… The first time I heard Lisa Box, I thought it would be a very sad acoustic number. You know how you read the lyrics before you hear the songs? Well I was doing this. The part that made me think it would be a very sad song went like this: “in the graveyard we stoop, in silence, in darkness” Lisa Box actually sounds to me like crazy aerobics music with someone singing like Tom Waits on clover. Here are some lyrical reasons why I love Dawn of the Replicants: - ‘The greyhounds are peaking’ off Duchess of Surin (even though that’s not what it sounds like to me you know) - ‘If you pay off my gambling debts there’s a place for you in the hen house’ off Hogwash Farm - ‘Is this wedding just for me?’ off Sleepy Spiders, of course it is Paul - ‘A hump back whale dreamt about me’ off umm I forget, but how does Paul know this y’know. Unless he has psychic fax. Which is likely. - ‘Misunderstood my double troubles, drunk with life’s cold wit, One Head, two arms, two legs’ off Windy Miller (I think) - ‘I have a dog he has no sense of humour, he’ll remove a limb just for you’ off Hogwash Farm - ‘De Niro of Green Gables’ off Sgt Growlie - ‘I’m not just any stranger, it could be me’ off Mary Louise - ‘But do not and will not smile again, until you find distant, forgotten peace’ - ‘Build a bridge by horsefly light’ – Secret Vampire Hunters - ‘You must be blind to build this house, with me’ off Sub Erotic Fields (not sure about this one they didn’t put the lyrics in this CD’s booklet) - ‘Lady Midnight, famous raincoat, on a mountain bike’ off Rule the Roost. As you do. |
| This is something i wrote in England about England, i don't really like it, but then i don't really like any of my nonsense writing. It also appeared in Soda's fanzine. |
| I’ll Fanzine you baby. By Fergus Noodle. Hello there mountain tops. This is my thing about England, yes England. Wooh England is so strange. Like Australia, but without my friends and family and my house, and my bed. The strangest thing about being in another country is when you are walking around and it is 4 degrees Celsius and you know that really that should be impossible, since it is supposed to be spring. And you are walking around Oxford Circus and you realise you have no idea where you live or how to get there and you are completely relying on other people to make sure that you are okay. Also whenever you go out somewhere, you know you won’t see anyone you know. So this leads to you acting really embarrassing in public and getting drunk and generally making a fool of yourself. Which is great because the fools are always the people having the most fun. Trying to get a flat to live in is also weird, everyone is suspicious of you, ‘have you got a UK reference?’ Well if I did why wouldn’t I be living with them? People talk to you on the street so much over here. People call me love and strange men in record stores wink at me. Everyone is so surly in Sydney. Nearly everyone I met here, who is reasonably young knows who Gorky’s are. Nobody here really seems to use it as a badge of cool, which is nice. There are two or three good concerts every fortnight. There are people with floppy hair everywhere. Everyone is a bit of a curry expert in England. They make incredibly awful pointless TV shows about everything you can imagine. The sun is up much later here. On the tube people just look at you, which is something that took me a long time to get used to, because there is no where else to look. People here are always doing something mad, like making films for no reason, or starting their own companies. People here think that above ground trains aren’t as good as below ground ones. Instead of being snobby about the west as they are in Sydney, they are snobby about the East; we don’t have an East in Sydney. People think Scotland is really really far away. The people in the supermarket don’t put your shopping in a bag for you. When you visit people, their parents keep trying to feed you and everyone gets excited, Jobie Wan thinks it is because you’re from the other side of the world, I think it’s because they are just polite. People don’t give up their seat on the tube for a pregnant lady though. People here think PC is a bad thing because they take it too far. Over here there are topless women in the newspaper and the important print in the article is bolded, in case you are too dumb to see it. There is a north south divide. The people from the north are well hard. They have Ali G over here. And real life geezers, I met one yesterday. There is a lot of underage pregnancy. There isn’t any good rugby on the TV. You sometimes get the feeling that strangers are going to offer you biscuits, but they don’t. People here are no where near as dry as they are in Australia, they are always over explaining things. Even though they think it is, the weather here is not as important as it is in Australia. In Australia there are cyclones and bush fires and droughts and floods, it is potentially life threatening, here its just raining. England is so close to most of the world, and yet it ignores most of it. In most record stores there are three CD’s in the ‘Australia/New Zealand’ token section, aghh well they just don’t know what they are missing out on. But most importantly, over here in London, one person in thirty-nine is a bloody Australian. |