Mom

DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER

MRS. S. SHANTI JEGATHESAN
BETTER KNOWN AS AKKA, ANNI OR AUNTY SHANTI
TO THOSE WHOM KNOW AND LOVE HER THEN AND STILL.

Perhaps you may think that it is redundant to dedicate a page to someone who has already passed away. Well, I am dedicating this page to my mother anyway. But it is actually more for you..

For you whom are lucky enough to still have both your parents alive.
Those of you who like me, have lost either one of those two
beloved people whom brought you to this earth,
and those of you whom are unfortunate enough to not have had the love of a parent the way I have.

My mother's name is Shanti which means Peace and she was the bearer of Peace in the family. She always gave us Peace, Love, Hope, Understanding, Companionship, Compassion
and everything we needed to have a good life.

My mom. Let me tell you just a little about her before I move on. She was really very intelligent even though she never got a real University degree or anything like that (and still she is smarter
than I ever was). She just decided that taking care of her husband and children
and giving her time to those who needed it were more important.

But later in her life (closer to her passing) she did go to University and got her diploma in Malay Language and that made her very happy with herself and fulfilled that dream she had about
getting a University education. She could do anything and everything if you ask me.
The only thing she couldn't do was pass her driving test.

When my mom was alive, she was the best mom I could ever ask for, and I (unfortunately) was not the best daughter though. But she loved me anyway. She supported me anyway. And she trusted me anyway, even when I let her down, even when I made her cry, even when I distanced myself so much no one knew whom I was. She was persistently supportive and always gave me so much love (her strength is unbelievable). And when I thought that she couldn't understand me, I found out (later) that she understood me more than anyone else.

She had her faults. Everyone does anyway. But she was a total Angel. I know that she knows
I love her, but I wished that I had taken more time to express it to her.

My mom passed away the day before the biggest exam of my High School years started. I am not looking for sympathy though. Just giving you the facts. There are both good and not so good things which came about from my mothers passing away.

The day she passed away, my mom and I were not on the best terms because during exams I am a real pain to be with. But later she came to me and gave me a great big hug and told me....
"I know why you are being this way... So, I am transferring all my strength to you so that you will do well for your exams." And being the pain which I am.. I replied.
"If you gave me all your strength, then you will die from not having any strength of your own."
Funny how ironic life can get at times.
Half an hour later she called us all up for prayers, and I just had the urge to give her a big hug again and kissed her. I told her that I was sorry and that I loved her very much. Oddly, it also felt as though I was saying good-bye.

6 hours later, we found her in her room. Her soul had already gone to God even though my sister, uncle and I tried to revive her. The experience scared me off First Aiding for a while, because she had already gone when we were doing CPR for her.

The next day I went on to get my exams over and done with. I couldn't NOT go for it even though people were saying, "Poor girl, her mother's body is still in the house and she has to go and sit for exams."
This was my only one chance not to let my mother down after the bad couple of years we had been having. And there was no way I was going to give it up. I know that she wouldn't have been happy if I were to opt out of taking the exam because of what happened.

She said that she gave me all her strength before she passed away. How true she was. Because on my own I wouldn't have been able to do what I had to do. She was with me in more ways that she could have ever been (if she was still alive), and her spirit kept me going all the while, even to this day. Yes, we all still have our ups and downs, but knowing that she is always watching over my family and me is a comforting thought. She is still a living part of our lives, in our minds and hearts.

So those of you who still have your parents around... Take your time to express to them how much you really feel about them. Don't hide it, because when their time comes, and you have not done that,
there is a lot which you may look back on with regret.

And if you have already lost a loved one... Just remember that only the body dies, and not the soul.
It is always alive if you choose to let their memory be a living entity in your life.
It is not easy in the start, but life must go on and you must move on.

I am not sure about what to say to those who think they don't have loved ones. I believe that everyone should have someone to love unconditionally and have someone who loves you unconditionally. I had that someone and
I have many people who love me that way. I know I am lucky. I just wish that you will be lucky
enough to find special people to share your life with too.

My mother was a simple person, but great in the eyes of those who loved her and knew her love.
Everyone should be that way. So that people will see the good which overweighs our faults.
Live life to the fullest, and leave no place for regret. Life is too short for regret.

I apologize if I have said anything which may have hurt your feelings though. But I hope that you understand why I made this dedication, and I hope that you will find happiness and worth for your own lives.

Fell Free To Leave Me Your Thoughts