POEMS (Continued)
by
Reinhard A.
Palovcik
Edited by Tom Miller
© 1995, 1996
Reinhard A. Palovcik
and FREDInk Records
Revealing
dimensions
some
touching
some
bizarre
from the mind of the author
Only
Once
We are here only once
As time passes by,
inexorably
These wasted moments
Composing poetry
Could have been
better spent
Fucking some beautiful woman
It was only my lack of
success
In the latter endeavor
That drove the speech for this
verse
For who
when given an
opportunity
of
ecstatic fulfillment
Would waste their time with such
hollow
symbols of
ambiguous
questionable meaning
Rot My
Brain
Dig me a hole, stuff me with stuffing
Bury me in a
grave of hot earth
to roast in
agony for my sins
Fry me on a skillet of moralized judgment
Purge me of
all pleasure and lust
Autoclave my
heart
to kill all those eating
germs of desire
Rot my brain with scientific and intellectual
crap
that generates equations for the
mass killing of souls
Liberate me from the life force and drive me to
spiritual
abstraction
Until I am become a ghost
Able only to
observe
but not feel
those
ever-quickening pattern of
destruction
that drive mankind to extinction
Evil
Midgets
These evil
midgets
hoard their gold
In
grubby
dwarf armpits
In
smelly crotches
Skin
all
scabby and raw
Mining uranium in caves
They pile
profit
upon profit
In
negligent abandon
Sucking the desire of
uncounted millions
Draining dollars to feed their mildewed lust
While
generating a heat that
consumes
bodies
souls
Destroying
those values of love and
devotion
that we scattered few
still cherish in the
sun
Money
Money is money is
money
My money, your money
Coins, paper money
Plastic money, digital
money
A poor man's money
procured with great suffering and
effort
is spent, each penny,
with specific purpose
buying
food, clothes, medicine
The loss of a hundred dollars may
bring
ruin, devastation,
starvation
A rich man's money grows on trees
As he sits, idle, by
his pool
No awareness of pennies or dollars
Amounts are counted in the
thousands and millions
A rich man's money buys
Limousines, mansions,
yachts
The loss of ten thousand may barely bring a frown
Which is
more just?
To tax a poor man
depriving him of food
Or to tax a rich
man
depriving him of
fun?
Rare
That rarefied moment of
:
YES, I LOVE you, FUCK my
brains out
Occurs only in the
imagination
When
in a brief
instant in
time
inhibitions
are
expunged
to a distant site of awareness
And the infinity of our
world
becomes discretely focused
on
the shape of a
nose
the trace of an
elbow
the curve of a thigh
or the
gently converging crescent of a
crotch
War
The roar of jet engines
overhead increasing in
pitch
as they approach
Cluster
bombs
released descend in
groups
Fall
and wobble
gracefully
as to the tune of a
symphony
Descending
relentlessly
unstoppable
they
approach
their human targets
Those
few
who are
unaware
gaze
upward
to see the descending
horror
Screaming
try to
run
but where?
As they strike their
targets
throwing multiple fragments of
doom
in all directions
They
strip skin from
flesh
flesh
from
muscle
muscle
from bone
Blood
gushes forth, freely, released from its captive
state
of nourishing thoughts,
memories, loves
After various stages of writhing in
pain
several find solace in death
Others linger in a twilight of suffering
and remorse
Why
me?
This
was never my war
Destruction is
total
and very democratic
Good and bad
virtuous and
vile
holy and blasphemous
are destroyed in
equal measure
Alcoholic
Staring
into the bottle
I see only a few
drops
left
I won't give up yet
As I tip the
bottle
these few remaining drops
disperse
and wet the sides
A vague fragrance of
whiskey
wafts from the
bottle
breathing
it won't help
To extract those few remaining drops
I fill the bottle
with a small amount of water
shake
drink it
But it's not enough
Not enough to stave off the craving
Not enough to fight the pain of a
rotting liver
Not enough to
tranquilize my failure at life
Not enough to
lose
the suffering of total disappointment in
love
Not enough to stave off the
upcoming seizures
Not enough to look
for
and
find
the next bottle
Lost
So hard to
form these words
these
sentences
I hadn't thought about you for a long
time
but once the spark was
lit
it all came cascading
back
I had already spent hours, days,
years
thinking
of you
You weren't the most
beautiful
or the most
intelligent
But you had, within
me
awakened some strangely
perfect feelings
Moments filled with
boredom
turned to moments of
anticipation
Colors
brightened
my ears buzzed to
every mention of your name
As I focused these desires and
intents
a lush, unearthly
presence begged for release
At first, I missed
opportunities
not knowing how to
feel or what to say
Afterwards, I tried too hard to demonstrate my
love
and realized too
late
you didn't love me
And so
I floated in a languid sea of numbing
pain
restlessly drifting from
one
terror
to the next
I imagined, with vividness and
fervor
what it would feel like
to have you near
me
to hear you speak, see you
move
and feel your love
And imagined too
What you felt
As you
flitted
From one liaison to the next
Not caring for love
But only an
occasional caress and release
I couldn't reconcile these desires with
my feelings
nor neither with
reality
And so felt as if I were a naked
corpse
in a wilderness of
shame
Finally, I built the
suspense
into a mortal tragedy
I gave you the ultimate
choice
either love me or I will destroy myself
But I didn't really want to
die
Not for you nor any other causes or beliefs
And so I found other
reasons to
live
many of them
Now only one thought still rings
true
I will never
love
anyone but you
And this barely beating
heart
that still nourishes an
aging brain
Soon
it
too
will stop
And gone will be these memories
And
gone
will
be
my
love
for you
Purest
How strange, in this
illusion of life on earth
the
purest love goes
unfulfilled
Jellyfish
Jesus most
loves the jellyfish
Soft, squishy, mellow things
Floating gently on a
shimmering sea
Undulating slowly in the waves
No sex, no
sin
each complete in its
hermaphroditic wholeness
Not needing to copulate to continue its
kind
Each already in a heaven of simple-minded nothingness
Floating,
together
with
others of its species
In shapes of
crosses
and
other arcane Christian
symbols
Reminiscence
At night,
under starry sky, walking a now familiar path
My thoughts wandered
back
to feelings of youthful exuberance
When the whole world lay at my feet
I
was free to take any direction
So many
paths
each with its own splendor and shining jewels
Desiring
riches
fame
and love
I wanted them all
Realizing only now, in the last few
moments of life
Billions of souls, billions of paths
Each with its own
special, secret pleasures
Each with suffering and
terror
Now
just before
death
none more important than any
other
Insight
Most of the greatest
insights
are but the briefest
flashes
Pulled from an expanded, collective awareness
And, if not
held open through a gate in time
by
constant
conscious
vigilance
they vanish
instantly
never to again be retrieved
Collapsing
quickly
into a void
Made all the more
empty
by the sudden
absence
of the
once
powerful pulse
Stream of Tears
A
plain cup of bitter black coffee
sits at the coffee bar, untouched
Two cigarettes lie crushed in the
ashtray
one lipstick stained,
the other
filterless
Outside
rain
driving down at
angles
generates small rivers of
tears
that run along the curb
She, standing in the
rain
eyes swollen with
tears
looks
at
him
searching
He, holding
umbrella
breathes
eavenly
looking distracted
She, hands shaking, pulls out another
cigarette
lights
it
inhales deeply
Smoke, collecting slowly under the
umbrella
escapes in streams
along the
edge
only to be captured and driven down by rain
As they walk slowly
together down the street
The patter of rain and noise of
traffic
fail to penetrate her
private ocean of pain
While he, oblivious of mud slung by passing
tires,
Sheds but a single tear that disappears quickly in the
rain
From now on they will follow separate
paths
Each
by
choice
crying into separate
streams
Ego
The self which resides
within this moving shell of
flesh
slides between spaces of
words
To hear itself breathe and
ponder
yet
another night alone
Lost in a wilderness of
dreams
from
which friendly demons
tickle and
taunt a confused
ego
with ironic supplication
A fatal battle between altruistic
superego
spirals inward to
annihilate with a self indulgent id
Leaving only
light
shed
on
leaf
stem
and trunk
Simple
I could remain
forever young
Never letting tracks of
tragedy
traverse my
face
Discarding sadness of past failure
Retaining only cherished
memories
Dying at the end of every day
How simple such a life would
be
Ferret
He was aghast at the
ferret droppings on his rug
scattered about in random fashion
Picking up the ferret and raising it to
his lips
he sucks in a large
load of droppings
Then shoots them out in perfect geometric
patterns
It was the
regularity
the all-importance of reason that counted
No tolerance for asymmetry or
disorder
As long as he generated and perceived
order
he had fulfilled his
function
and felt contented and
relaxed
Eat Shit
Eat my
shit, motherfucker
Feel the vomit rise in your throat
Chew and swallow
the bitter waste
And when it enters your
blood
to secrete a poison of
death
Feel your muscles convulse and wrench in agony
So that I may lose
all trace of humanity
to writhe
with the
maggots
that will devour your rotting
flesh