“teenage girl attempts to rescue her baby brother from the Goblin King.”
L.A. Confidential
“so masterful in showing us the complexity of its main characters that what is familiar…becomes new again.”
The Last of the Mohicans (1992) “I love you but I must kill you”
The Last Samurai (2003) “honor and morality trying to…bridge the gap from one epoch to the next”
The Last Temptation of Christ “uses the life and public ministry of Jesus in order to examine…lifelong struggle between the spirit and the flesh”
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider “developing characters or telling a compelling or even comprehensible story is not on the agendum.”
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen “joyless”
Legend “a fabulous looking fairy tale…with mixed results”
Legends of the Fall (1994) “a two-hour commercial for Marlboro.”
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events “everything hinges on the grown-ups being amazingly dense and gullible…over and over again”
Letters from Iwo Jima “okay”
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou “storybook characters colliding with curse words.”
A Life Less Ordinary “Ewan doesn’t so much kidnap her as become a willing accomplice to her split-second decision to kidnap herself.”
Little Big Man “something’s missing”
Little Children (2006) “Not Another Infidelity Movie”
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring “like listening to a good song on the stereo of an overactive teenager, who has the bass all the way up and the treble all the way down.”
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) “best of the trilogy”
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers “more of the same…a fun movie.”
Lost in Translation “two people who have become exasperated with life and give defenselessness a try”
Love Actually “every possible variation of love”
Lovely and Amazing “never strives for profundity, it is very observant and understands its characters.”
Major Dundee “drunker than a fiddler’s bitch.”
The Maltese Falcon (1941) “the stuff dreams are made of.”
The Man on the Train “will our dying thought be of the lives we have lived, or the lives we could have lived, but didn’t?”
Man Who Knew Too Much (1933) “primitive…but complete”
The Man Who Wasn’t There “existential query…what is my place in the universe if I have absolutely no effect on those around me?”
Marnie (1964) “the mean reds”
Match Point (2005) “they discovered a whole new planet”
Matchstick Men “nothing says ‘caper’ like Frank Sinatra”
Masked and Anonymous “in these troubled times, we need to listen to...a guy who couldn’t enunciate to save his life”
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World “Weir gives his audience a whole lot of credit”
The Matrix “you can only watch someone else playing video games for so long.”
The Matrix Reloaded “better late than never.”
Mean Girls (2004) “say crack again”
Meet the Feebles “the ‘Citizen Kane’ of gross-out movies”
Melinda and Melinda “life is neither tragic nor comic”
Men in Black & Men in Black II “fast, silly, and drowned in special effects.”
Merchant of Venice, The (2004) “the one with Pacino”
Miami Vice (2006) “Sweet, sweet action.”
A Mighty Wind “people who are just a little too goofily sincere about something”
Million Dollar Baby “it’s the part of California that apparently looks like some crappy Midwestern steel town.”
Millions (2004) “many children actually...want to help people and make the world a better place”
Minority Report “aren’t the lives of hundreds worth three freaks?”
Mona Lisa Smile “congratulates us when it should be challenging”
Mondovino “How European.”
Monster (2003) “together they form an odd little family as they roam Florida broke, unemployed, and essentially homeless”
Monty Python and the Holy Grail “if it means anything, it’s a love letter to mankind’s willingness to be stubborn, ridiculous creatures that take their ridiculous world so seriously.”
Moulin Rouge “sheer, overwrought volume drains ‘Moulin Rouge’ of any emotional punch and…replaces it with frustration.”
Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005) “I’d like to live in a neighborhood where twenty minutes of machinegun fire only summons two neighbors and couple beat cops”
Mrs. Brown “an elegant little film chronicling the relationship between a recently-widowed Queen Victoria and her late husband’s horse attendant.”
Much Ado About Nothing “light as a feather”
Mulholland Dr. “if you do good, you’ll see me once more”
The Mummy (1996) “prime example of what a light action/comedy/fantasy should be.”
The Mummy Returns (2001) “not bad; just unnecessary”
Munich “get receipts”
Murder on the Orient Express (1974) “everyone meet me in the accusation parlor!”
My Big Fat Greek Wedding “unapologetically superficial…gentle, sweet, and sunny.”
My Name is Ivan “the Andrei Tarkovsky version of a Roger Corman movie about WWII”
Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie “I fell out of my chair once, maybe twice during the course of the really great gags.”
Mystic River “the missing girl tests each man to his core”
Napoleon Dynamite “I’m the only one here who knows the secret illegal moves the government teaches its ninjas!”
National Treasure “at least an attempt at a movie, and not just a commercial for one.”
Neon Genesis Evangelion & The End of Evangelion “philosophy explained with giant robots fighting each other.”
The New World (2005) “restless…genuinely romantic”
Die Nibelungen: Siegfried “most magnificent, non-racist silent feature I’ve ever seen”
Nicholas Nickleby (2002) “what a guy”
Nixon (Director's Cut) “a pox on those who bemoan its historical accuracy”
No Country for Old Men “You cant stop whats comin”
Northfork “fanciful and apocalyptic metaphors”
Notes on a Scandal “wicked fun”
Notting Hill “more teeth than a normal person should have”
Novocaine (2001) "talk about quirky"