Now let’s talk about these vampire hunters. Most of them (like WB star Jessica Biel) are only there to wear leather and allow for more complex geometry in fight scenes (guns, swords, bows, grenades, etc.). Then there’s Ryan Reynolds, whom my wife assures me was on a short-lived and middling sitcom named “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place.” You will either find him hilarious or want to run him over with a rusty lawnmower. We know his name is Hannibal King because a bad guy screams it at the top of her lungs when he first appears. Buff, spiky-haired, and vaguely effeminate, he spews forth an endless vomit of one-liners and obscenities. He also profers Blade with unwanted advice like “maybe you should blink every once-in-a-while.” Half his jokes are intentionally unfunny, just so we can stay on him while he toughs his way through the uncomfortable silence that follows. Blade, of course, does not like him, but Reynolds’ response to Blade’s you-can’t-ride-with-me-I-work-alone speech is pretty good (“first of all, that’s just rude”). I also like that “Trinity” doesn’t waste our time with a reconciliation that we don’t care about. It took me a while to say to myself, okay, Reynolds really is going to be this ridiculous. Then I started to like him.
At the center of all the violence, shadows, and bloodshed is Wesley Snipes, averaging about ten words every half-hour. He has the Blade act down pat, physically flawless yet in his heart scared, lonely, and clinging to his desperate quest only to keep himself from questioning it. He gets off some good one-liners, to be certain, although none on par with the nearly Shakespearean wit he uses before dispatching the Boss in the first movie. Like I said, it’s not as good as the other “Blade” movies, but it’ll do. Think of it as a last taste of silliness before the Oscar season kicks in and there’s nothing else to do but listen to the stuffy white people complain about their genitals.
Finished December 13th, 2004
Copyright © 2004 Friday & Saturday Night
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