**1/2 (out of ****)
Starring Nicolas Cage, Jon Voight, Diane Kruger, Harvey Keitel, Justin Bartha, Christopher Plummer, and Sean Bean
Directed by Jon Turteltaub & written by Jim Kouf, Oren Aviv, Charles Segars, Cormac Wibberly, and Marianne Wibberly
2004
131 min PG
I’m pretty mean to producer Jerry Bruckheimer of “Armageddon,” “Bad Boys II,” and “Top Gun.” In my review of “The Right Stuff,” I write “Bruckheimer flicks wallow unambiguously in technology worship, beer commercial-style patriotism, and all-around penis awe.” A little below the belt, what with Bruckheimer having nothing to do with that film whatsoever. In apology, I must admit that every-now-and-then he makes a movie driven by whimsy and not by an aggressive lust to cater to what he believes our basest desires to be. With “National Treasure” he has toned things down a bit, instead of his normal bombardment of violence, noise, overwrought music, bad one-liners, and synapse-blowing editing. “National Treasure” even begins with a shot that lasts 12 or 13 seconds, which must be some kind of record for him. I felt like I was watching at least an attempt at a movie, and not just a commercial for one.
Anyway, it’s a cheerfully preposterous caper about a treasure map hidden by the Freemasons on the back of the Declaration of Independence. The map leads to untold riches from the days of the crusades, the pyramids, the Knights Templar, and probably Atlantis, too, but I wasn’t listening that closely. A cat-and-mouse chase between the patriotic good guy (Nicolas Cage) and the Irish heavy (Sean Bean) ensues, first to steal the Declaration, then to decode various absurd clues tucked away at colonial landmarks.
This leads us to all manner of secret passages, catacombs, tunnels, and other lairs that look on loan from a “Mummy” movie. For once, the treasure is buried in an Episcopalian Church, not a Catholic one. The chase plays like the daydreams of a kid bored by fieldtrips to national monuments. Half the clues are ludicrously obvious while the others are so obscure and blurred by characters jabbering that we couldn’t possibly solve them. Two-century-old torches and gunpowder light instantly and we’re supposed to believe that not a single brick on any of our national monuments has ever been replaced. Good stuff.
Nick Cage is as excitably goofy as ever. Really, he can take any premise, no matter how ridiculous, and makes us believe it just because he believes it so hard. Sean Bean, possibly playing the exact same thug as in “Ronin,” is not unnecessarily brutal. His low, wistful delivery even suggests something of a romantic streak. Right after Cage implies that he has “unlimited resources,” we see him solving a treasure map clue with Google. The hero has a nerdy Wisecracking Sidekick (Justin Bartha) who’s actually funny and who looks like a Caucasian Gael Bernard Garcia. You know, the ugly guy from “Y Tu Mama Tambien.” And The Girl (Diane Kruger) looks good climbing over things in jeans.
Still, “National Treasure” pulls back the reigns when it could have been even more delightfully preposterous. Why a joke couldn’t be made out of how the heroes are continually surprised by the existence of secret passages is anyone’s guess. Or how come the bad guys (and even the good guys) wreck everything in sight with sledge hammers and ice picks, except in the one room where kicking down a wall would have solved everything…never mind. There are good-sized interludes when I felt like I was watching an outline or a pitch for a movie, and not the movie itself. I can imagine the movie’s six writers rapping over the script, blurting out things like this:
“And then the bad guys think they’ve reach a dead end and leave the good guys behind…”
“But why don’t the bad guys just knock the walls down? They’ve smashed everything else.”
“We’ll think of a reason tomorrow. Let’s just get to the next scene.”
For all the adventures under his belt, Bruckheimer seldom puts any genuinely well-choreographed or exciting action sequences in his movies. The music gets intense, the shots last for fractions of a second, but the players seldom do anything that we haven’t seen a thousand stuntmen do before. In “National Treasure,” they run across streets, sidewalks, rooftops, and graveyards, pursued by villains who miss 100% of the time. I’m serious, the bad guys never hit once in this movie. Even one Nazi in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was able to shoot Indy in the arm.
Some have implied that, because “National Treasure” plays pompous pseudo-archaeology as the pulp nonsense it is, it is a spoof of the “The Da Vinci Code.” I hope you don’t think that I would be able, off the top of my head, to verify the veracity of this implication. Anyway, Bruckheimer movies typically have a pro-military, take-the-law-into-your-own-hands, aren’t-computers-and-weapons-cool bent. “National Treasure” has a solidly non-political political-sounding message about how the citizens of a democracy have a right to overturn the government if it fails. In this case, the government fails to protect the Declaration of Independence. The militaristic, pro-business, and media-manipulating leanings of the administration under which “National Treasure” was made might make us think one thing. But keep in mind that, even while controlling the presidency, both houses of congress, and the Supreme Court, most Republicans still run as “outsiders,” “anti-government,” and by ridiculing “mainstream politicians.” The hero’s platitude, like all platitudes, means whatever you want it to mean. Whatever you want to hear, you’re hearing it.
Bruckheimer is also responsible for another Nick Cage actioner called “The Rock,” a movie I did not enjoy as much as this one. It’s interesting to note that that movie ends with Cage keeping all the treasure for himself. “Treasure” ends with him wanting to distribute it to the entire world.
Finished Friday, April 15th, 2005
Copyright © 2005 Friday & Saturday Movie
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