Luck and Loyalty
byPari
Synopsis: What if Tom Paris hadn't been responsible for Caldik Prime? Where would Fate take him and the crew of the U.S.S.Voyager?
"Captain's personal log:
Today has been uneventful..as it has been for the past week we've been travelling through this sparce sector of the Delta Quadrant. And Neelix tells me we're still a good four or five days from an inhabited or otherwise useful planet. However, as our supplies don't seem to be too desperately in need of replenishment we should probably be able to hold out at least another week. The most unfortunate aspect of having nothing to do out here at the moment is that I have nothing to take my mind off of the significance of what today is. Today marks the one year anniversary of the loss of Commander Chakotay, my first officer in the first six of the last seven years...and my friend. A lot has happened this past year; sometimes it feels as though more than a mere 365 standard Earth days has passed, and yet - at times- his absence seems as unreal and painful as it was the day we lost him on that ill-fated away mission. Tuvok would tell me, if I expressed my feelings of guilt over Mr. Chakotay's death, that it is "illogical" to blame myself for something I could not possibly have foreseen or prevented. In fact, he has told me so, altough I hadn't voiced my feelings; he knows me so well. As did Chakotay.[ironic laughter] Who would have thought - seven years ago - that I would be sitting here right now, mourning the passing of the Maquis Captain I was sent here to apprehend, lamenting about "how well we knew one another"? I suppose it sounds pretty preposterous to anyone else, but as for myself...I don't know. Even seven years ago, I didn't agree with the man's affiliations but I thought I understood a little bit about the man. I, for one, knew exactly how easy it was to be so blinded by your motives that you overlook your methods. And how could I dispute his motives? There's certainly no lost love between myself and the Cardassians. [The captain hears a rummaging sound coming from the adjoining quarters but ignores it] I admired Chakotay's determination and his faith...and I still do. His sometimes silent support, sometime passionate objections as my first officer helped me to be a better captain. And his friendly advice and tolerance when we didn't see eye to eye helped me to be a better person at times when it felt difficult to do so. I still, and I feel I will always, miss his presence on some level.
Hell, I sound like I'm rewritting his eulogy. But perhaps I am. Sometimes its much easier to recognize and admit certain things upon reflection than when you're right there, caught up in the shock and emotion of losing a fellow officer. You recognize and admit things like the fact that Chakotay and I were friends, despite our disparate backgrounds. And it's idle days like these when the loss of such a friend truly comes back with a vengeance. I've lost two very good first officers since we've been here in the Delta. I have to admit I didn't know Cavit very well, although we did serve together on the Excavier. I chose him because I thought we would compliment each other's command styles - his rigidity and staunch devotion to regulations and my ...what did he call it once? "Renegade-like tendency to try and push the envelope and get myself into trouble" [laughter] Maybe he was right. Coincidentally, the same situation existed between myself and my renegade XO Commander Chakotay. The Starfleet Captain and Maquis commander; he was thoughtful, while I was impulsive. He was spiritual, and I, skeptical. Chakotay was even-tempered while I - I have to admit - can be rather hot-tempered. As different as two people can be and yet, somehow, coming from two very similar positions.
And now Tuvok takes the chair, true to form. I have been thrice blessed on this trip to be surrounded not only by such great officers, but also by such good friends. Tuvok's logic next to my all too human illogical tendencies makes for a balanced combination. And I must say it seems like the position was made for him. After all, what would I have done without Tuvok this last year? What would any of us have done from the start without him on board? He's saved the lives of this ship, her crew, and myself, particularly, countless times. He's been there to counsel me or, that failing, admonish me in that cleverly subtle Vulcan way of his. And, most of all, he's always been there for..."
Captain Paris stopped mid-sentence in his reverie, not being able to ignore the noises coming from his daughter's quarters any longer. Putting the log recorder on hold, he rose from his desk to investigate the ongoing search obviously taking place. Suddenly, he found himself being tackled by a flurry of blonde hair and exuberant blue eyes.
"Daddy! Daddy! I found it! Finally! I knew I didn't lose it!" Honor Paris' lunge landed her in her father's arms. She hugged Tom enthusiastically, her energy and delight making the captain laugh. Things never went quietly or calmly in the Paris home.
"Okay, Honor, what did you find?" The tiny, five-year-old with the knee-length curls looked up at her father with an exasperated look as if to say "Haven't you been paying attention!" Tom held up his hands in mock surrender, but then she was off again, dashing into her quarters at vintage-Paris warp speed. Tom smiled and sat down at the couch, waiting. When Honor returned she crawled onto her father's lap and he kissed the teardrop-shaped ridge on her forehead with affection. His amusement in her excitement was tempered, however, when she turned the vidframe she held in her hands so that he could see what she'd been looking for. It was a picture of Honor...with her mother.
Honor hadn't noticed the captain's change in mood, however her voice was shy as she explained, knowing her father didn't feel comfortable speaking of her mother, although she didn't yet understand why. "I couldn't find my picture of Mommy. I thought maybe I'd left it at Uncle Tuvok's last week during our langauge [Tom smiled at her pronunciation of the word] lessons, but it wasn't there yesterday, and I know I didn't leave it at Uncle Harry's or Aunt 'Lanna's so I knew it had to be here somewhere [she was about out of breath at this point]...and it was." Tom smiled, "I guess it was, wasn't it?" And, trying ot further hide his reaction to the picture his daughter was holding, he gave Honor a little tickle.
Honor giggled, joyfully. "Oh, Daddy!" When the giggling stopped, and father and daughter sat there in a cozy embrace she asked "Daddy, why don't you like my picture of Mommy and me?" Tom stiffened, but smiled down at his daughter's questioning eyes when he carefully crafted his reply. "Of course I like the picture of you and your Mommy, Honor - it has you in it, doesn't it?" And just for effect, he tickled her again, keeping the mood light-hearted. This elicited another round of giggles, however, Honor was not to be deterred. She recovered and asked, "But don't you like the picture because it has Mommy in it?" Tom sighed, gazing down at his offspring, mumbling almost to himself as he held her chin in his grasp, "As much as you are like your father, I sometimes forget how much of you is like your mother." Honor looked up in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"Determination. Your mother was a very determined woman." Honor chewed on the new word for a moment. "Deteurmen nation. What's that?" "That's when you want something very badly and you don't give up on getting it."
Honor smiled, seeming to like that idea, nodding her head in mock-mature understanding. "Deteurmen nation. That's the parts of me that's my Mommy's parts, huh Daddy?" Tom laughed, "Yes, that comes from your Mommy. Though I'd like to think your Daddy has a little determination, too." Now Honor laughed "Of course you've got deteurmin nation, Daddy. You're the captain!" "Well, thank you, and we'll work on your pronunciations later." Honor frowned in misunderstanding at that, but Tom stood, guiding her towards the door. "Now, however, I think you need to be getting over to Uncle Harry's quarters. It's about time for your music lessons. Uncle Harry'll come looking for you if you don't hurry."
Honor followed, but was deep in thought. Before they neared the exit, however, she stopped and asked, "Daddy, this is my Mommy's parts in me, too, huh?" As she said this she touched the distinctive Cardassian form of her brow. This new question catching him somewhat off-balance, Tom looked down at his beloved daughter, and at her unmistakeably Paris appearance. The only evidence of her maternal parentage being her brow and the cords of cartilege lining either side of her tiny neck. The only scales on her body resided there, although you could see the pronounced ridges of her spine through the back of her jumpsuit. And Tom almost imagined he could see her mother in her face at times- whenever she was looking angry or determined - but noone else seemed to see the resemblence but him. Or, at least, noone seemed to want to point it our to him.
Tom knelt by Honor, tracing the scales on her forehead as she had, then gave the ridges there a little kiss. "Yes, you are Cardassian like your Mommy" "And nobody else on the ship is Cardassian?" Tom smiled at her correct pronunciation of the word, trying to form his next sentence with care. "No, noone else here is Cardassian, you're special. Just like your Aunt 'Lanna is the only Klingon, and the doctor is the only holographic person on board. You're all special in your own ways." Honor thought about that a moment. "Daddy..." "Yes, Honor?" "It's okay if you're not the only human on Voyager. I think you're special anyhows." Tom stared at her a moment in pleasant surprise, but then laughed. That's my girl! He pulled Honor into a bearhug, kissing her cheek and savoring her laughter.