The Apple
STARRING: Catherine Mary Stewart, Alan Love, Vladek Sheybal, Derek Deadman
PLOT: Alphie and Bibi, two sweet, naive youths from Moose Jaw, Canada, have come to America to "take it over" with their pop singing in the 1994 Worldvision Song Festival, where they fight the evil BIM: Boogalow International Music, and its leader, Mr. Boogalow.
REVIEWS: I turned on The Apple and started crying for my mommy. It's even more than just a failure; it isn't just merely inept in everything it tries to do, it seemingly screws up everything in the worst possible way. It assaults your senses so severely, you're left numb. Reportedly, during its premiere at the Paramount Theater in Hollywood, audiences threw their free souvenir soundtracks at the screen, causing extensive damage.
Burn Hollywood Burn - An Alan Smithee Film
STARRING: Eric Idle, Ryan O'Neal, Sylvester Stallone, Whoopi Goldberg, Jackie Chan, Coolio, Joe Eszterhas, Billy Barty, Robert Shapiro, Larry King, Billy Bob Thornton, Naomi Campbell, Chuck D.
DIRECTED BY: Arthur Hiller (as Alan Smithee), Alan Smithee (really Arthur Hiller)
PLOT: Director Alan Smithee comes to Hollywood to make a movie. Due to a variety of factors, he decides to disown it and direct it under a fake name. Unfortunately, the Director's Guild requires that if a director disowns a movie in this fashion, he *must* use the official Director's Guild fake name...which happens to be Alan Smithee. Smithee faces the ultimate challenge: to negotiate an agreement to re-edit the movie in his own style, or burn the film and his own career along with it.
REVIEWS: You can watch any part of this film in any order you like - it makes no difference. Try it! fast forward for seven minutes or so and watch five minutes of dialog. Then rewind three minutes and watch a bit more. *It's often way better than in the correct order.* Was this cutting-edge satire or *asylum-qualifying insanity?* Now I feel better for the experience because I know I can handle anything, biochemical warfare, an alien attack, Bill Clinton back in power...nothing is worse than this movie! What's with the cast of comedy stars; what's with the plot; what's with the directed by; what's with this whole movie?
Can't Stop The Music aka
Discoland: Where Disco Music Never Stops
STARRING: the Village People, (Olympic Athlete) Bruce Jenner, Steve Guttenberg, June Havoc, Bobo Lewis
PLOT: The pseudo audiobiography of the Village People...in full-length movie form!
REVIEWS: Stop the Music. Please. Seriously. This movie is so bad, they could make a movie about this movie. I mean this will really blow your mind. But whatever you do, don't spend money on it. This was one of the two films that originally inspired John Wilson to create "The Razzie Awards", dis-honoring worst achievements in film. If there is a better movie that combines hilarity and pure crapiness so perfectly, I don't know what it is.
FAVORITE LINES: "Norma: Ron, dear, didn't Greenwich-Village-people-types go out in the Sixties? Sam: That's it! Our new name! 'Village People.' Randy: Well, that's not a bad idea, that's what we are. Felipe: That's where we're from. Sam: 'Village People,' I can sell that. Jack: Village People! That's fantastic! Thank you! Norma: Oh, well, it does have a certain charm." -- "Sam: How could you just up and quit your job like that? Ron: Why not? I'm the lawyer for the hottest act in show business: The Village People.
Cool As Ice
STARRING: Vanilla Ice, Candy Clark, Dody Goodman, Deezer D
PLOT: Vanilla Ice remakes a James Dean movie as a tough, street-hard motorcycle gangster who falls in love with perfect honors student Kathy Winslow in a sleepy "Leave to Beaver" type town.
REVIEWS: So this is what hell is like. Spectacularly bad acting, the corniest dialogue, and all those moody Vanilla Ice contemplation shots, ooh! His acting is so bad even Mariah Carey could outact as him. Couple that with Vanilla Ice's wacky wardrobe. This film is hilarious! I am wondering what Vanilla was thinking when he actually invested 1 million dollars into the production of this film!
FAVORITE LINES: "Ice: Is 'Kat' home, baby? Mom: Sorry, we don't have a cat. Ice: No, your daughter." -- "Ice's pickup line: Drop the zero and get with the hero!" -- "Ice's winning rap: Dirty words / cuz you're a nerd / on first and third / it's absurd / to think that you've heard / better rhymes than these"
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
STARRING: Carolyn Brandt, Atlas King, Cash Flagg (aka the director Ray Dennis Steckler), James Woods
PLOT: Monsters come--real! Crash out of screen! Invade audience! Abduct girls from their seats! Not 3-D! Not For Sissies!
REVIEWS: It's the first monster musical! The music in this movie is terrible, but it's terrible in a way that is unlike anything else I've ever heard; particularly inimitable is the somnambulistic cowboy folk song gurgling along in the background as our hero broods his way along, but the sound is about as awful as any I've ever heard in a movie (maybe it was all recorded playing out of a tinny AM radio). This thing is 80 minutes of repeating carnival footage and boring dancing interspersed with a horrible plot. The dialogue and music may or may not be awful. It's hard to tell since the mics were apparently submerged in Jello during the filming. The scenes of carnival "entertainment" are completely useless to the film. And that Atlas King guy, he's talking really weird!
Manos(manos means hands)- The Hands of Fate
STARRING: Tom Nayman, Diane Mahree, Hal P. Warren (the producer of the film), John Reynolds
PLOT: A family driving through a small town gets lost and winds up at a backwoods shack managed by Torgo, who takes care of it while The Master is away. The Master worships Manos, an evil deity, and he also wears a neat cape. When Torgo lets the family stay, The Master awakens and does mean stuff like burning off Torgo's hand.
REVIEWS: I must say this is the scariest movie I ever seen. I was so creeped out because it was just so horribly made. I wanted to see if everyone was right when they said this was one of the worst movies ever made. They were right! This movie is so bad that my wife, an independent film producer, uses it as an example of what NOT to do when making a movie. The acting is almost as bad as it gets. Some say that "Gigli" is the worst movie ever made, but...Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez could never make a movie worse than this!
DISTURBING FACTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE: The movie was given a gala premiere in El Paso upon its release, and many of the local dignitaries were on hand. Part way into the film, many people in the audience began to heckle the movie. Many of the film's stars and crewmembers snuck out before the end out of embarrassment. Three stars of the film committed suicide shortly after shooting was completed.
Plan 9 From Outer Space
STARRING: Duke Moore, Dudley Manlove, Tor Johnson, Bela Lugosi, Vampira, J. Edward Reynolds (aka the producer)
PLOT: Can your heart stand the shocking facts about Graverobbers from Outer Space, angered by the "stupid minds" of planet Earth?
REVIEWS: Plan 9 was just ridiculous and corny, and let's not forget about the hilarious "special effects"! I'm surprised to see that this movie was made on a $60,000 budget. Where exactly did all that money go?! The cardboard tombstones fall down, the flying saucers have strings on them, funny! As for the acting, some speak their lines like they know the script is idiotic, while some speak their lines like they don't understand them. One of the main actresses is forbidden by contract to speak a line!
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS MOVIE: The star/hero of the movie, Bela Lugosi, died 4 days into shooting. So they got just another actor, and because he didn't look at all like Bela, they either covered up his face/showed him from the back the whole time!, or spliced in a videotape of Bela making a facial expression on camera so the audience "wouldn't catch on" that it wasn't Bela.
FAVORITE LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future." -- "Colonel: Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth? Eros: Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots."
Yor: Hunter from the Future
STARRING: Alan Collins (aka Luciano Pigozzi), Reb Brown, Corinne Clery (aka ?)
PLOT: Yor, an extremely blond prehistoric warrior, comes to question his origins, particularly with regard to a mysterious medallion he wears. Along the way, he encounters ape-men and dinosaurs in a strange futuristic society.
REVIEWS: A pretty silly sci-fi film. Only for people who truly have to see every sci-fi film ever made. No comedy has every produced the side-splitting, tear inducing laughter that Yor has. It's too bad this film was not intended as a comedy, but rather as a science fiction/ fantasy epic. The real laugh comes from realizing that someone took the project serious when they shot it! Star Wars/Conan crossbreeding just didn't work.
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Yor (showing his romantic side): I feel something for you" -- "Yor: You'll rule a world of puppets! Is that your goal in life? Overlord: Yes!" -- "Yor: D**n talking box!" (when mad at his radio)
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: The costumes worn by Overlord and his guards were left over from the movie Umanoide, L' (1979). The leftover costumes decided who the bad guys were and what they looked like.
Bubba Ho-tep
STARRING: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Bob Ivy, Gigi Fast Elk Porter
PLOT: Bubba Ho-tep tells the "true" story of what really did become of Elvis Presley. We find Elvis as an old, elderly resident in an East Texas rest home, who switched identities with an Elvis impersonator years before his "death", then missed his chance to switch back. Elvis teams up with a fellow (African-American) nursing home resident who is actually President John F. Kennedy, and the two valiant old codgers sally forth to battle an evil Egyptian is actually President John F. Kennedy, and the two valiant old codgers sally forth to battle an evil Egyptian entity/mummy who has chosen their long-term care facility as his happy hunting grounds.
REVIEWS: Bubba Ho-tep (whose title...means exactly what you would guess: "Bubba" for redneck, and "Ho-tep" for mummy), sounds like the craziest plot I've ever heard. JFK is black, Elvis is a geezer, and they fight a redneck mummy in an old folks home?
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Elvis: Ask not what your rest home can do for you, but what you can do for your rest home." -- "Elvis: Jack wait. Marilyn, how was she? JFK: That... is classified. Top Secret! But between you and me... Wow!"
The Giant Claw
STARRING: Jeff Morrow, Mara Corday, Clark Howat, Dabbs Greer, Ruell Shayne
PLOT: A giant antimatter space buzzard with super-power force-fields flies in from a galaxy far, far, away to eat the major cities of the world, and only a young boy who invented an atomic ray gun can stop it!
REVIEWS: Oh .... the Humanity! Giant antimatter space buzzard (who the heck came up with that?)...without exception the silliest monster in all fifties science-fiction, and a sure finalist in any all-time-silliest list. It's scares the actors, but it's just a darn wooden puppet on strings that bobs around like Big Bird on a binge. Yes, it is really bad, really bad.....but somehow you can't quit watching.
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "A bird a big as a battleship circled and attacked the plane....with not only electronic spitballs, atomic spitballs!" -- "Narrator: Something, he didn't know what, but something as big as a Battleship has just flown over and past him. Sally: Well, flying Battleships, pink elephants, same difference. Mitch: I said it looked like a Battleship, not that it was a Battleship. Sally: Oh, come off it, Mitch, you've done enough harm with your flying Battleship...Sally: Oh, nothing so domestic as a flying saucer, officer. Just a flying Battleship. Police Officer: Well, have a good time with your flying Battleship."
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: Due to use of footage from Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, a flying saucer can be glimpsed in Grand Central Terminal during the bird's attack on New York City. There was no flying saucer in the script, but the director decided to use scenes from another movie for his own movie. It just so happened that it had flying saucers in it.
Jungle Hell
STARRING: Sabu, K.T. Stevens
PLOT: A tribe in the Indian jungle is threatened by flying saucers, mysterious rays, radioactive rocks, and lots and lots of elephants.
REVIEWS: You probably think I am exaggerating about the "stock elephant footage" a tad. You are incorrect. The film runs a little over seventy minutes and about half of that is comprised of elephants. So what else is there in this movie? Did I mention there were elephants? Okay, there are a few fight scenes. These fall into two categories: men rolling on the ground with stuffed animals (illegal in some states by the way) or Sabu smacking Kumar around. Watching a grown man shake (so it appears alive) a panther body pillow while trying to wrestle (so it appears he is fighting for his life) the prop to the ground is not without merit. And then...You guessed it! POW! Five minutes of elephants!
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Kumar: What are you doing here? Did not Shan-Kar order you to stay in the village? Sabu: I am the jungle boy of Tungari!"
Jack Frost (not the Michael Keaton version)
STARRING: Shannon Elizabeth (aka Shannon Fadal), Christopher Allport, Chip Heller, Harley Zumbrum
PLOT: He's a killer snowman! And he's after you! He likes to steal police cars and run you down, or stab you with his carrot!
REVIEWS: Whoever made this movie must have done it as a joke. I mean, this was the stupidest movie I think I have ever seen!! This is cheap-o cinema in the cheapest sense. Jack is a cool bad guy. He can melt at will, a trick that truly comes in handy when breaking into somebody's house. He can throw snowballs of himself, shoot missle-like ice cycles, and grow 10 inch ice fangs. The special effects, the snow, and the killer Frosty are about as fake as I've ever seen. So cheesy! Also, memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Mongo like movie" -- Jack Frost requests a smoke from a guy, then kills the guy with an axe, and says: "Gosh. I only axed you for a smoke." -- "Tommy: What the heck are you? Jack Frost: The world's most pissed-off snow cone!"
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: Why is there hardly any snow on the ground in this movie? Where did Jack Frost get his snow?
Santa Claus conquers the Martians
STARRING: John Call, Pia Zadora, Doris Rich, Ivor Bodin, Ronnie Rotholz
PLOT: Martians, upset that their children have become obsessed with TV shows from Earth about Santa Claus, start an expedition to Earth to kidnap the one and only Santa. The Martians then take Santa and the two children back to Mars with them. When they arrive on Mars, Santa, with the help of the two Earth children and a rather simple-minded Martian lackey, overcomes the Martians by bringing fun, happiness and Christmas cheer to the children of Mars.
REVIEWS: I was in complete shock that it was ever shown AT ALL, let alone during the holidays! Anyway, if you can stomach it, you'll be laughing hysterically at not only the ludicrosity of the plot, but the atrocious sets and costumes which only add to the hilarity, including a polar bear who looks like a rejected ice hockey mascot, and a clanky excuse for a robot who gives a terrible name to homemade Halloween costumes. The martians use toy guns that blow bubbles for weapons and dress in cheap leotards,their faces are also painted green with some kinda cheap food coloring and they also have antennae on their heads which resembles a coat hanger with glitter on it(Lets hear it for the elementary school special effects team). Hooray for Santa Claus the junkie,the guy playing Santa was definitely on something and drunk. I wonder how they auditioned people for this movie, probably said here's your check ,go to wardrobe and put on this 1st graders halloween costume and walk around like an idiot. It's sooo bad it's funny.
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Kimar: Drop, you are the laziest man on Mars. Why are you sleeping during working hours? Dropo: I wasn't sleeping, chief. It's just that I haven't been able to sleep these last few months. I forgot how. So I was just practicing." -- "Kimar: How are you feeling today? Tired? Santa Claus: Oh, no, I'm not tired. But my finger is!"
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: In the opening credits, Costume Designer is misspelled "Custume Designer." This is so low-budget, they didn't have the money to fix it.
Santa Claus vs. Satan a.k.a
Santa Claus the Movie
STARRING: K. Gordon Murray (as Ken Smith, also he's the director), José Elías Moreno, José Luis Aguirre, José Carlos Méndez, Ángel Di Stefani
PLOT: Santa Claus, living on a magic cloud, prepares to deliver presents on Christmas night. Santa is especially interested in helping Lupita, the daughter of a poor family who wants nothing more than a doll; and a young boy whose parents are so wealthy they never spend any time with him. However, the Devil will have none of this and sends his minion, Pitch, to foil Santa's plans. Lucifer has, after all, threatened Pitch that if he fails in his mission against St. Nick, he'll be fed chocolate ice cream. Santa gets the help of his faithful sidekick, Merlin the Magician, and Pedro to fight and save the day!
REVIEWS: Wait, what's the plot? Ho, ho...huh? Why does the devil even care about Santa to begin with? And what does Merlin have to do Christmas to begin with? And Santa praying? The plot gets crazier when Santa moonlights as a bartender. This is possibly the strangest Christmas movie ever made.
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Lucifer: You shall be punished, and instead of red-hot coals, you will eat chocolate ice cream." -- "Pedro: What food do they eat on Earth, Santa Claus? Santa Claus: Oh, everything in sight! They eat most of the animals, the plants, the flowers, the roots, birds, even smoke and alcohol!" -- "Lupita: No. To steal is evil, and I don't want to be evil. Evil Doll: You must be evil if you want a doll! Lupita: No, you know stealing is evil, and I don't want to be evil. Evil Doll: Steal, fight, and we will all be yours! Lupita: No. I don't want to be evil, and stealing is evil."
Santa Claus with Muscles
STARRING: Hulk Hogan, Mila Kunis, Clint Howard, Don Stark, Aria Noelle Curzon, Melody Clark-Curzon
PLOT: An evil millionaire (Hulk Hogan) gets amnesia and then believes that he is Santa Claus. He then fights "bad guys" with his Santa props. He winds up at an church orphanage (which has a grand total of three kids) for some reason. Some other bad guy wants the church orphanage destroyed, so Hulk Hogan beats up some henchmen. He discovers in the orphanage a vault containing....glowing, magic rocks that explode. The bad guys want the magic crystals...and you know the rest.
REVIEWS: Hulk Hogan is no actor. Nose bleedingly bad. The worst ever. please kill me. How this film could ever have been commishoned is beyond belief. There are an incredible number of continuity problems in this film. Ranging from car damage, to car order, room setups, time of day, etc. Was there even an editor hired for this film? Why does Hulk Hogan think he is Santa Claus? It doesn't matter. Hulk Hogan can out wrestle the bad guys in his Santa costume to save the day.
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Bad guys: Watch out, he's got a candy cane!" A styrofoam one.
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: It made only a total of $198,717, for the month it played in every theatre in America. Not million. Thousand.
Supersonic Man
STARRING: Antonio Cantafora, Cameron Mitchell, Richard Yesteran, Emilio Higuera (as Emilio Higueras)
PLOT: An alien, "Supersonic Man," is sent to Earth to thwart the plans of evil men who would destroy the galaxy itself with their weapons. Only his superpowers, which include flight, bulletproof skin, and the ability to turn guns into bananas, can save Earth from destruction.
REVIEWS: Can't Superman sue Supersonic Man for stealing his bit, except for the bananas part? Supersonic's stupid suit may give you a few chuckles, but what really got me rolling on the floor is the scene where the professor's daughter is chased by gangsters. Just when it looks like her car is going to hit a bulldozer, Supersonic lifts it up with one hand. What's funny is he is shown to pick up this horribly fake particleboard recreation of a bulldozer. It's not even painted well to cover up this shoddy job! To make us believe the movie was shot in the US, Supersonic often flies in the air with parts of New York in the background. Unfortunately, that's the only use of these scenes, so basically you're just watching a man in a silly suit pretending he can fly. It's a riot!
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Who will stop me? Not this foolish man in red with the blue face. Not this carnival freak. No. You speak of force. Soon you wil know the true force." -- "What kind of tomfoolery is this?"
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: Supersonic Man's theme song is "Supersonic Man, I wanna be".
Space Mutiny
STARRING: Reb Brown, Cameron Mitchell, Billy Second, Guy Pringle, Rufus Swart
PLOT: A starship that looks a lot like, but has nothing to do with, the Battlestar Galactica, finds itself embroiled in crisis when the Enforcers (the ship's security crew) attempt to take over the vessel. This they do by Saran-wrapping their enemies and chasing each other around on floor polishers. Fortunately, the crew are aided by a coven of priestesses endowed with mental powers, who distract the Enforcers by dancing suggestively.
REVIEWS: The acting, the sets & props, the costumes...all laughably bad. The C-list lead actor, the cardboard-armored shopping carts, the shiny parachute pants...wow. As far as the lead roles go, it's hard to get past the glue-on beard worn by the leader of the "good guys." It's impossible not to laugh during the slow-paced "Enforcer" chase sequences. The movie is so cheap that my girlfriend and I were surprised when we saw the credits: this movie looks much too cheap to have been made as recently as 1988. Continuity errors! First comes the notoriously famous scene in which a woman is shot dead, then two scenes later, the same woman is alive on the bridge of the ship! ...[next, this dead guy] hits the floor and his glasses fall off. Then we cut to Commander Calgon laughing like a dope, then cut back to the dead guy, and oops, his glasses are back on his face! I have to wonder how much money the producers had to work with on this film? Were they given enough to come up with original material? The spaceship is clearly a copy from Battlestar Galitica. There's even a beam down which was copied from Star Trek. It has very cheap graphics during the title sequence - it's something that looks like it came straight from an 80's computer!
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Kalgan: I have weakness for pain... of others." -- "Kalgan: You're much more attractive with your mouth shut!"
The Terror of Tiny Town
STARRING: Billy Curtis, 'Little Billy' Rhodes, Billy Platt, William H. O'Docharty
PLOT: An evil gunslinger comes to terrorize the good little people of Tiny Town. The townspeople organize to defeat him, and zany antics ensue
REVIEWS: (Andy says) This is a serious old cowboy movie, not made to be a comedy. What's funny about it is that the whole cast/every actor in this movie is a midget. I know it's politically incorrect, but I would like to see the all-midget rootin' tootin' tough guy movie!
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter
STARRING: John Lupton, Narda Onyx, Cal Bolder, William Fawcett
PLOT: Who's gonna win? Jesse James, the outlaw, or Frankenstein's Daughter?
REVIEWS: I don't know if I really want to see this movie, I just think it has a funny plot/title. Are Frankenstein and Butch Cassidy in it too?
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: This film was a double feature at the movie theatre with "Billy the Kid versus Dracula".
The Wild World Of Batwoman a.k.a
She Was a Hippie Vampire
STARRING: Katherine Victor, George Mitchell, Bruno VeSota, Lucki Winn, Sylvia Holiday
PLOT: In this zero budget cheapie a busty Batwoman enlists her beauteous bevy of Batgirls to help her regain a mad scientist's invention (an atom bomb made out of a hearing aid) before a costumed ne'er-do-well, Rat Fink, can glom onto it for his own purposes.
REVIEWS: This movie is unspeakably bad. If you're a fan of idiotic screenplays, or 60s "Laugh In"-style go-go dancing, then this movie is for you. Remember plot? Well [director] Warren didn't. This is the loosest use of the word "plot" in the history of the English language. So we get more music and rumps a plenty. Terrible acting, go-go dancing, bad direction and scripting, go-go dancing, and more go-go dancing. Plus they steal from other movies *cough*the mole people* cough*!. And in the end the batwomen all dance to some pretty awful music. But as Crow would say, "Well the music's terrible but at least it's drowning out the dialogue!" You would think they would at least hire a decent band. What were the makers of this movie, smoking?
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: One shot shows the name of the corporation as "Ayjax", not "Ajax". This shot was added after production to prevent additional suing from Ajax (because the film was such a poor film as it was)
Bruce Li is Bruce Lee in Ilsa Meets Bruce Lee In The Devil's Triangle
STARRING: Bruce Li as a Bruce Lee-type character named Bruce Lee
PLOT: ?
REVIEWS: ?
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: ?
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: Where is this movie?
Rat Pfink a Boo Boo
STARRING: Carolyn Brandt, Ron Haydock (aka the writer), Titus Moede, Rox Anne, Dean Danger, Berri Lee
PLOT: Thugs are bored. Picking a name at random out of the phone book, they decide to terrorize Carolyn Brandt. After some campy dramatic scenes, she is kidnapped by the goons. They decide to ransom her. After receiving the ransom call, Vin Saxon and the good-natured, but not- to-bright gardener sit around despondent, wondering what to do. "There's only one thing to do!" exclaims Vin. The two rush off into the next room and become the costumed heroes Rat Pfink and Boo Boo...
REVIEWS: Listen to this amazing acting from the movie; Great actingWith a title like "Rat Pfink a Boo Boo", a plot like that, and acting like that, what more do you need?
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: This looks like a job for You-Know and Who!
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: That's not the title the producer of the movie wanted, but somebody screwed it up bad, and when they got the movie back from the distributors, they noticed their mistake. D'oh! Too late to change it then.
Robot Monster 3D a.k.a
Monsters from Mars a.k.a
Monsters from the Moon
STARRING: George Nader, Selena Royle, Pamela Paulson, George Barrows
PLOT: A young boy wakes up to find that the entire human population has been destroyed by the Ro-mans (actually it's a guy in a gorilla suit and space helmet, so use some imagination here). The Earth is saved when this pretty heroine and the Ro-Man fall in love, and Ro-Man decides he can't kill the whole human race because his lover is part of them.
REVIEWS: If you like baaaad movies, Robot Monster is a must. Gotta love those continuity errors: Crew visible: Obvious hand holding the rocket ship flying to earth, Ro-man goes to tie Alice up, but decides it will take too long, so he knocks her unconscious. He answers his message, and then turns around to see a fully conscious Alice tied up. The iguana fighting a stuffed baby alligator with a tailfin, the stop-motion triceratops, the visible hand when the space station blows up - you've got to love it!
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: "Ro-Man: What are you doing alone, girl-child? Carla: My daddy won't let you hurt me. Ro-Man: We'll see!" -- "Ro-Man: I am ordered to kill you. I must do it with my hands. Alice: How is it you're so strong, Ro-Man? It seems impossible."
Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
STARRING: Bela Lugosi, Duke Mitchell (as Duke Mitchell), Sammy Petrillo (as Sammy Petrillo), Charlita, Milton Newberger
PLOT: Two comedians parachute to Coca-Cola island and entertain the primitive tribal natives. A mad scientist also lives on the island, trying to perfect a potion that will turn man into monkey! With gorillas running around, how can you tell who's a gorilla and who's a man/gorilla? There's also a love interest hottie. What will happen next!
REVIEWS: Bela Lugosi (who's known for Dracula and other scary roles) takes up comedy! Mitchell and Petrillo imitate Dean Martin and Jerry Lee Lewis the whole time! Written by the husband of Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies! It's silly and not very good, but will it make you laugh?
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: Filmed in nine days on a total budget of $50,000
Teenagers From Outer Space
STARRING: David Love (aka producer Tom Graeff), Harvey B. Dunn, King Moody, Horst Ehrhardt, Dawn Bender=Betty Morgan as Dawn Anderson
PLOT: A teenage Martian comes to the Earth to conquer it by growing his own Gargon (actually just a lobster). The Martian realizing that there is intelligent life on Earth decides to warn us. Eventually he sacrifices himself to destroy the incoming herds of Gargon's and save Earth.
REVIEWS: Ooh, teenagers from outer space coming to kill us with their lobsters! Acting that is more wooden than the sequoia forest that abounds in this film! They even killed a little dog, boo hoo. Of course, as an adult, this movie is quite laughable. But if you are a fan of campy, corny old sci-fi, you have it by the bucket here!! The acting is so awful, that I couldn't believe my eyes and ears! But it's extremely entertaining stupidity! The laughability comes in the form of not even trying to disguise the props! The "Teenagers from outer space" put this device on the ground, and there is a close up which reveals that on it, it says "Multichannel Mixer"! Also, I guess you can hotwire a disintegration ray with telephone wires.
FAMOUS LINES FROM THE MOVIE: [Upon discovering the skeleton in Simpson's office] "Secretary: I am not going to keep a job where this sort of thing goes on." -- "Captain: We are the supreme race. We have the supreme weapons."
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: Another unusual thing is that all of the dialog was recorded before the movie was shot so watch for the actors trying to lip-synch to their prerecorded dialog tracks.
El Mariachi
The ultimate average Joe turn on the video camera and go movie!
Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Written by Robert Rodriguez
Produced by Robert Rodriguez
Original Music by Cecilio Rodríguez, Álvaro Rodríguez
Cinematography by Robert Rodriguez
Film Editing by Robert Rodriguez
Production Management by Carlos Gallardo
Sound Department by Robert Rodriguez (sound/music editor)
Special Effects by Carlos Gallardo and Robert Rodriguez
Dolly Grip by Carlos Gallardo
Additional Editing by Robert Rodriguez
Camera Operating by Robert Rodriguez
Still Photography by Robert Rodriguez
STARRING: Carlos Gallardo, Consuelo Gómez, Jaime R. Rodríguez, Reinol Martinez, Fernando Martínez, Roberto Martínez
PLOT: El Mariachi just wants to play his guitar and carry on the family tradition. Unfortunately, the town he tries to find work in has another visitor...a killer who carries his guns in a guitar case. The drug lord and his henchmen mistake El Mariachi for the killer, Azul, and chase him around town trying to kill him and get his guitar case.
REVIEWS: One of the most influential movies of the 1990's. Easily one of the most inspirational movies for aspiring filmmakers of the last 20 years! 10 out of 10 for me. Despite the fact that it's obvious that it was made without a production crew or a real budget, "El Mariachi" actually turns out to be a respectable action movie. The execution of the film is excellent. Rodriguez made every shot as perfect as he could with the few technical abilities he had and there is never a time that a cut in the film or something seems unprofessionally made. Engaging little low-budget caper, impressive in its ingenuity. Dramatic scenes like this are mixed with humorous ones (some intended to be funny, some not), and that makes the film interesting.
FUNNY FACT ABOUT THIS FILM: This film initially cost $7000 to make. Director 'Rodriguez, Robert' raised $3,000 of the $7,000 by volunteering to be a human "laboratory rat". He was used to test a cholesterol reducing drug. Paid $100 a day for 30 days, he wrote most of the script while locked in the lab. Most of the $7,000 was spent on film for the camera. Rodriguez claims the other actors were "innocent" passers by. He gave them lines as and when they were needed. For the moving camera shots, Rodriguez sat in a broken hospital wheelchair and was pushed around.
However, can anything beat................
Krazy Killer Klowns from Outer Space!
B-movie excellence. The best. So cornball. It's a real fear of some people though -- Coulrophobia -- fear that all clowns trying to kill you.
All these movies/info on this page are real, and all this information comes from the IMDB and Badmovies.org. If those organizations want me to take down this content that isn't mine, I will do that.